317

Afraid
Posted on August 28, 2017 by David M Willis

317 thoughts on “Afraid”

  1. Porto

    Another addition to the legion. Niiiice

    1. Doctor_Who

      Welp. Never thought I’d have another use for this image, but there you have it.

      1. CianM1301

        You had a use for it before?

        1. Doctor_Who

          August 2nd 2014, going off the created date.

        2. GreyDefender

          Here ya go! http://www.dumbingofage.com/2014/comic/book-4/04-the-whiteboard-dong-bandit/valid/ Ctrl+f searching the page for your username brings it up pretty quickly.

      2. Deanatay

        Wrong. It’s clearly Amber who’s laughing, now.

    2. jeffepp

      I’ve said it before. The Rage isn’t Amber, or AG.

      And, maybe Rage is running the show, right now.

      1. thejeff

        Maybe, but I don’t think so.

        If so, the Rage isn’t acknowledged by the other two. Both Amber and AG lay those actions on Amber.

      2. Porto

        Well, you’re right that it isn’t her, but it’s definitely a part of her. The Rage and I are long-time buddies, and people who try to separate themselves from it, deny that it’s a part of them, are, at least to me, some of the most pathetic hypocrites out there.

        There’s evil in all of us. If you refuse to struggle against it, and simply try to shut it out and pretend it’s something you can’t control, something that controls you, then it’s going to win. Only by accepting that it’s part of you and refusing to let it define and control you can you truly take steps in countering and controlling the Rage.

        Though, from a narrative perspective, I think it is safe to say that the Rage is a bit of a separate entity from the identities of Amber and AG

        1. Halpful3

          “pathetic hypocrites”? That’s a bit much. I separated from mine as a child because I wasn’t aware of any other options. By my 20s I’d completely forgotten about it, until a photocopy from an anger management book caught my interest.

  2. foamy

    Well shit.

    1. saltchocolate

      I am *so* not happy about this.

      C’mon, Dorothy—please say something wise and meaningful in the next str— wait, who am I kidding, Willis is going to jump cut to another scene so fast my eyes will have whiplashes instead of eyelashes . . . .

  3. Cheesy1

    ” . . . I want to talk to Amazi-Girl now, please . . .”

    1. Dafydd

      “There is no Amazi-Girl, only AMBER!”

    2. Yumi

      “I’m sorry, (the old) Amazi-Girl can’t come to the phone right now. Why? Oh, ’cause she’s dead.”

      1. pyrpyr

        Oshiiiiiiiiiiii-

    3. VeryCreativeUsername

      “Who?”

  4. Spencer

    Amber’s so gung-ho in that last panel that I wonder if she’s trying to egg Dorothy into throwing her in jail.

  5. Mr. Mendo

    So, Amber’s first victim is personal space!

    1. VeryCreativeUsername

      Well, second victim. First was the buttstabbed buttstabber that is now in hospital.

      1. Misteline

        hmmm…third? Lets not forget Blaine(?). Possibly fourth, with Sal as the first.

      2. motorfirebox

        Man. The local hospital is piling up with winners.

  6. Kris

    Maybe go see a therapist Amber?….Maybe?

    1. Doctor_Who

      Didn’t seeing the rapist get her into this mess?

      1. Scar Man!!!

        Not cool -1 for that pun

        1. Iforgetwhatiputhere

          Hey man, this is the internet… You got to take puns with a grain assault…

        2. Individual Lies

          Yeah that pun cuts deeper than Amber.

    2. James Rye

      That’s what I’m talking about for YEARS!

  7. Synnerman

    Oh crap, she shot straight past Joker to Two-Face.

    1. Shiro

      I am intrigued by your scale.

      1. Doctor_Who

        It goes all the way from “Killer Moth” to “Clock King”.

      2. Jeremy

        I’m also intrigued. At least Two-Face is half sane. Joker’s definitely the last stop on the bus.

    2. Valdrax

      If anything, it’s kind of the opposite?

      1. ProfessorDetective

        Great now she’s One Face. (That is actually a thing, look it up)

  8. Paul

    …and Dina pops out from behind the door…

    1. VeryCreativeUsername

      Dina is currently… ‘popping’ something else.

      1. Paradox

        Popping… the Dinosaur DVD out and burning it?

        1. Gesc

          She probably streams her dinosaur lore.

        2. Spaz

          aaaand there’s Willis’ title for his next “Welcome to the Fuck Zone”

        3. VeryCreativeUsername

          I’m… not sure, but that was meant as an euphemism, right?

  9. Shiro

    Well…that’s not good.

    1. VeryCreativeUsername

      Ya think?

  10. m-m

    Amber, Amber, Amber…

  11. Kernanator

    NOTHING WORRYING AT ALL ABOUT THIS CONVERSATION, NOPE NOPE NOPE.

  12. Yumi

    This reminds me of a friend who told me about one time when she was with somebody and they were getting really in her face like this, and also clearly in a bad place mentally. And my friend didn’t know what to do because they were just leaning in closer and scaring her. She panicked.

    She kissed them. She cannot explain why.

    They pulled back in confusion and the situation relaxed some. So.

    1. Shen Hibiki

      If you can’t beat them, confuse them.

    2. AGV

      Hey, as long as it works…

    3. Lingo

      I bet that’s what Daisy is claiming she did that one time.

  13. Keulen

    Oh jeez, it’s like that terrifying Mike smile in Shortpacked again.

    1. Fart Captor

      I’m fairly certain its this one 🙁

      1. Emperor Norton II

        Thanks to both of you for giving me what I’m sure will be some extensive nightmares about assholes smirking at me.

      2. Vi

        I dunno, the comparison of Amber to her father rubs me the wrong way. It’s certainly possible for victims of abuse to internalize it and turn it outward, but it honestly seems like the majority of it has been inward with a few exceptions. Amber didnt seem to be using excessive force in her AG romps before. She’s /not/ an abusive person, but she does need help and a way to deal with her anger and pain in a more healthy manner.

    2. Nono

      Reading the few strips after that actually made me miss the initial Ethan/Drew relationship. I hope if Drew is brought back it’d be in a positive light, the guy was pretty decent, just clashing with Ethan’s personality.

    3. Unusually Angry Hippie

      Goddamn is Mike sexy. 10/10 would let hatefuck me.

      1. Perry

        Which is precisely why he wouldn’t. ?

        1. Unusually Angry Hippie

          Ever hear the joke about the Sadist and the Masochist? The masochist says ‘Hurt Me’, the sadist says ‘No’.

  14. Stephen Bierce

    *plays “On The Dark Side” from the Eddie & The Cruisers soundtrack on the hacked Muzak*

    1. Needfuldoer

      Now there’s something I didn’t expect to see referenced… John Cafferty and the Beaver Brown Band had, what, that and Heart’s of Fire from Rocky chart? It’s too bad they were never able to separate their image from the movie; I thought they were pretty good.

    2. Remmington Steele

      “I fought Amber and Amber won”

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KsS0cvTxU-8

      1. Remmington Steele

        On second thoughts …

        “I fought the Blaine and the Blaine won”

        sounds catchier though.

  15. Nono

    Kind of an off-topic thing, but I think this is one area where Ethan’s passivity has really come round to hurt Amber. More than anyone he’s probably got some peg on Amber’s issues, but he’s never actually stepped in to forcibly help her. His gentle touch was great for coaxing her out of her shell, but it’s not great for helping her well, rage problems.

    1. Delicious Taffy

      You can’t help someone who’s actively resisting help.

      1. Spencer

        Amber doesn’t know how not to resist help.

        1. zoelogical

          amber doesn’t know she needs help, she’s doing fine, SO FINE

    2. zoelogical

      i mean, like, yes, but also, i feel, no

      this is an issue ethan as a child was not prepped to understand or equipped to deal with, by personality or education or environment. he had his own shit to deal with, like being a gay child and then teen. and it’s ok for him to prioritize his own shit, because he has to live with his own life.

      i mean. he’s not her therapist. he was her best friend, but he was sidelined by the shit his parents were putting him through, and backlash from amber’s dad, i’m sure. he’s not set up to deal with this part of amber’s personality, and that’s perfectly ok. nobody can ever be everything to anyone else.

      TBH i think if we’re talking about people who have hurt amber, her dad really should be at the top of the list. hell, you could even blame her mom’s passivity in not getting out of there with amber sooner. but im not ok with that either, because living with an abusive person is super dangerous. like. the only person who should be blamed for all this fucked up shit is the person who did this fucked up shit.

      idk LIKE just because someone’s personality isn’t set up to deal with a particular issue, and they don’t ever deal with it (or necessarily even know about it??) doesn’t mean that their inability to deal with it is hurting someone

      tbh i don’t know that amber ever even tries to talk to him about her anger, and that might be a thoroughly healthy thing for the both of them.

      and, like….if ethan saw as much of blaine as i suspect he has, that anger might be a triggering thing for him too.

    3. Jeremy

      Please, how do you “forcibly help” someone when you’re not a parent, guardian, or legal partner?

  16. Rosicrucian

    Please stop Blaine-smiling, Amber.

  17. Mr D

    Amazi-girl’s gone? Good, great.

    NOW GO TO THERAPY GIRL.

    1. SomeUnregPunk

      YEAH! Because otherwise Therapy-gal is going to need to be an intervention.

  18. zoelogical

    i am so worried for amber/amazi-girl right now

    1. Halpful3

      yup. :/ the lack of fear is very scary.

      otoh, it reminds me of one time a medication made me feel weirdly fearless and impulsive, and I didn’t end up doing any of the bad things that I was concerned I might do. it’s really weird feeling concerned but incapable of worry or fear.

      1. Scar Man!!!

        That happenee to me one time when I went catatonic for 2 hours. I was only scared about my emotions literally freezing my body to the floor for hours afterwards. Still scares me as I type this

      2. zoelogical

        it’s that – she doesnt feel the way she thinks she’s supposed to and she finds that empowering, i guess

        and like at this point for amber (maybe base amber?? maybe another alter?) she’s not sure who’s terrorized her more, her dad or the alter that made her feel like she could never be as good as that part of herself

        and that alter abandoned her entirely
        but everything was fine
        amber could handle it
        and that’s just fine

        but she doesn’t feel guilty at all about this and she feels weird that she doesn’t

        like she’s been carrying this mark of cain around for ages but like it really ain’t no thang

        1. Mr D

          Well the only thing the Mark of Caine actually does is turn you into a vampire and make it so whomever attacks you receives that damage sevenfold.

        2. zoelogical

          lol u make it sound pretty badass

  19. Fire_daws

    …and the winner of “Most likely serial killer in Clark wing goes to….”

    1. Reltzik

      Mary.

      …. yes, it’s still Mary.

      1. Fart Captor

        Yeah. Amber’s convinced herself she’s a horrible monster, but her actions have shown otherwise

        1. Needfuldoer

          This is a lifetime of internalized emotional abuse taking its toll.

          Amber considers herself worthless and unsalvageable because that’s all she’s been told up until now. She sees becoming a violent abuser like her father as a foregone conclusion. She’s put so much focus on the parts of her personality she inherited from him, that she’s disregarded the ways she’s different. (She has scruples, for one.) That’s what she needs to see, and it’s not a change that’s going to happen overnight.

        2. Vi

          YES, EXACTLY THANK YOU.

      2. jeffepp

        Yup.

      3. Neeks

        “stabbed, stabbed, stabbed, stabbed…none of you are free from sin.”

        1. Vivid Grim

          i guess you could say amber has it driled into her head

    2. Scar Man!!!

      Hand in your Claire grab for perpetuating this stereotype

  20. MatthewTheLucky

    Looked at last panel first. Was really genuinely afraid for Dorothy for a sec.

  21. cookie1995

    OK I am now wondering how Dorothy is going take realisation of how bad Amber’s mental state is.
    (Which means the next strip is going to be about completely different people cause Willis likes toying with our emotions)

    1. Reltzik

      …. I’m guessing she’ll need things spelled out a bit more, because she’s missing something like 80% of the context needed to make sense of what Amber’s saying here.

      1. Minotaur

        Yeah, I was thinking there’s no way Dorothy would be able to get from what Amber is saying to understanding Amber’s whole set-up with two (or more?) alters…

        1. ValdVin

          It’s a bit of blind man’s zoo, isn’t it? Dorothy is without the pieces of information we readers have only gleaned from following Ethan, Danny, Stacy, Dina, Sal, (and, not that we wanted to, Blaine) and more.

          Was it confirmed there was no therapy for Amber after Ryan got eviscerated?

      2. Touchfuzzy

        Even knowing the whole context, Amber’s spiel comes off as disjointed and hard to follow.

    2. Cerberus

      *fast-forwards to later tonight with Dorothy nose-deep in a Psychology textbook*

      1. Scar Man!!!

        *clock says 5am*

      2. Reltzik

        Surely reading DSM-5 will equip her to deal with this!

        /sarcasm

        … but yeah, research is her fallback and it’s better than NOT researching.

        … I think?

        … fuck it I got no clue.

        1. Cerberus

          Okay, I’m not ashamed to admit I burst out laughing on that one. Fucking DSM, man.

        2. Scar Man!!!

          It’s a flawed system, but what isn’t. It’s constantly being r-evaluated like all science

    3. Needfuldoer

      She’s so far out of her wheelhouse that it’s in a different time zone. She doesn’t have any relatable experience to Amber’s home life situation, nor the life experience or training to fully grasp it.

      She’s doing her “help everyone fix all their problems” thing again, but this isn’t just teaching Walky how to study. This is a problem for a bona-fide mental health professional. The best she can do here is not make Amber any worse.

      1. Scar Man!!!

        In other words , she needs to learn a very leaderly skill: how to find the people who -can- help, and realizing you don’t have to do everything for everyone all by yourself

        1. Needfuldoer

          Exactly! A good leader knows what they can’t do, and finds the best people they can to fill those gaps.

  22. Madock345

    If Amber turns into Dexter I would actually be kinda ok with that.

    1. Roborat

      But then who would be Dee Dee?

      1. madock345

        Joyce is like one line of coke from Dee Dee

        1. SgtWadeyWilson

          *Pictures Joyce sitting with a line of coke between her and Dee Dee.*
          WTF, brain?

  23. pjeseb

    Well, this is pretty much exactly what I was afraid would happen.

  24. Tnoy

    They could get some really interesting psychological studies going on at that school.

    1. Scar Man!!!

      Nah, not a big enough sample size. We need to rewrite everyone in the school to have a Dark backstory.

      Sierra? Compulsive hedonist
      Mandy? Survivor of a polygamist death
      Mary? Ryan theory is true and her parents were militant atheists

      1. shammers

        Sample size doesn’t matter if it’s case studies

  25. Delicious Taffy

    Reader Poll: What does Amber’s breath smell like in this scene?

    1. Yumi

      Cat food

    2. ProfessorDetective

      Doritos and self-loathing.

      1. Needfuldoer

        Gotta have Mountain Dew in there if you’re serious hardcore gaming.

        1. Jeremy

          Mountain Dew smells oddly similar to self-loathing sometimes.

    3. Madock345

      Blood

    4. Nono

      Not doughnuts.

      1. Reltzik

        Vomited doughnut.

      2. 3oranges

        Dough-nots.

    5. zoelogical

      her mom’s altoids of cinnamon doom

  26. StClair

    Blaine: “That’s my girl.”

    1. Bagge

      GET HIM OF OUT HERE

  27. Matt

    Seriously amber get help.

  28. Reltzik

    So, wait. Amazi-Girl’s not going to be part of the cast anymore?

    1. Spencer

      I see it as Amber admitting that the stated purpose for the creation of Amazi-Girl has failed. She failed in turning her violence into a positive, because she just proved she’s a monster.

  29. maxyai

    Aww snap!

  30. Tarmaniel

    I too would tell Amber to get therapy, but at this point this is probably above the paygrade of your average therapist.

    1. Fart Captor

      No, but convincing her she deserves help and isn’t the monster she thinks she is so that she would go to therapy would be a difficult task 🙁

    2. davidbreslin101

      Well, there are therapists out there who work with your actual convicted killers. You may have to be in prison / secure psychiatric unit to get a referal, mind.

      1. Roborat

        But don’t they tend to get turned by their patients?

  31. inqntrol

    Damn she’s losing her mind already, poor Amber.

  32. Yumi

    In other news, I got a Gravatar because I was struggling to recognize myself in the comics post-shuffle.

    1. Yumi

      But it didn’t work yet because I don’t what I’m doing, both in this specific situation and in general.

      1. Yumi

        On that note, I just want to share that there have been multiple times that I wanted to use HTML in these comments to italicize words or something, but I avoided it because I was worried about messing it up because I wasn’t entirely sure what style the tags were in. And now I see that there’s a fucking guide right below the comment field. It’s been YEARS. What the fuck.

        1. Durandal_1707

          It doesn’t support . Or to get the last word, either. Laaaaaaaaame

        2. Durandal_1707

          Haha, I didn’t expect it to delete them entirely. (the tags in question were ‘blink’, and ‘/html’)

        3. Emperor Norton II

          Oh man, if only I’d known that you didn’t know, I’d happily tell you! But unfortunately, people tend to get mocked online for admitting they don’t know something, which discourages people from asking others in any setting but one-on-one.

          (As always, THIS STRIP is an important guide on how to answer people having questions (in good faith) on the internet.)

        4. Yumi

          Thanks for theoretically helping past!me. I guess I decided at some point that it wasn’t that important to know, or I might have asked. But honestly I’m also very reliant on using Google rather than asking questions in, like, all aspects of my life, and as such directly ask fewer questions and therefore have fewer times when people respond in a neutral to positive manner to questions.

        5. Clif

          Well, I appreciate you pointing out the fine print I never read.

        6. Halpful3

          🙂 that strip is great.

        7. Chris Phoenix

          Yes, and…
          There isn’t just one thing that “everyone knows.” There are thousands of those things.
          Which means that everyone is going to learn something that “everyone knows” every few days.
          …On average. If you haven’t learned at least one thing that “everyone knows” in the past month, maybe it means you’ve stopped learning. Which might be because other people taught you to stop asking questions.
          …Multiply that by 100 million.

        8. thejeff

          Or, according to that strip, you’re over 30.

          I have a sad.

  33. Marsh Maryrose

    Alternative hovertext: “Do you like apples?”

    (And that came to me before I remembered the whole abuse survivor context in that movie.)

  34. Passchendaele

    It would be an attention-getting, though ultimately demotivational, headline.

    (I should wait and see how this situation turns out but ffffffffffffffffvfffffffffffffffff I don’t think this is a victory, amber).

  35. mrj

    My choice of music for this scene: “Werewolf Gimmick”, by The Mountain Goats. “Let him who thinks he knows no fear look well upon my face…”

    (A pity about the gravatar scramble, since still being Amazi-Girl would be appropriate right now…)

    1. mrj

      Oh hey I’m uke-Danny. Somehow, even more apt.

      1. Time Sage

        If Danny’s the uke, does that make Ethan the Seme? (Sorry (not sorry))

        1. King Daniel

          But Ethan was never part of SEMME!

  36. Deadjolras

    Dorothy, don’t move. She can’t see you if you don’t move.

  37. zoelogical

    i used to know a dude who ran a christian camp who had all sorts of like…50s sayings that were inexplicably super cute. like “put that in your pipe and smoke it. “easy as shooting fish in a barrel.” “go get ’em, tiger.”

    idk it was the way he said it but like anyways that’s what the hovertext makes me think of

  38. Badgermole

    This strip convinces me that Amber herself isn’t aware of her dissociation as an actual phenomenon. She’s *describing* what caused the dissociation but isn’t able to *articulate* anything like “I created an alternate persona to compensate for everything I hate and fear about myself.” Poor Amber. And poor Dorothy, who must be twice as confused now and possibly afraid.

    1. Cerberus

      Which makes sense. I can pinpoint general moments when specific alters occurred and what were likely the origin causes, but beyond that, it was like walking into the living room to see new housemates living there. The why of why those alters in those moments largely escapes me.

      I know that they were ways of coping. I can kind of piece together more or less the shape of it, but it was never clean enough to go “ah, this exact moment, clearly that’s why this alter formed to do X.”

      1. Badgermole

        I don’t think I’ve said this to you before, but I appreciate how you share details that must be very personal to you which add a three-dimensionality to these characters’ experiences. I see DID in media sometime (recently binged through United States of Tara) but I know these are not equivalent to the testimony of real people who live with it – you’re probably the only one I know who does, or who talks about it at any rate.

        1. Halpful3

          indeed. personally I already have the occasional bout of worry about doxxing myself here… I’d probably say a lot less about my mental health if I still had any expectation of a career to worry about.

    2. Halpful3

      yup, not having the vocabulary for something makes it a lot harder to have high-level thoughts about it. I’m discovering (and rediscovering) lots of things now that I have words for some of it.

      1. Scar Man!!!

        Having names for stuff gives you power. It’s the principle behind slurs used for good

        1. Kryss LaBryn

          It really, really does. For example, “micro-aggression”. I wish that word had been around when I was in elementary school to describe what I was getting from some people. Without it, it’s really hard to describe the low-level, individually-minor-but-overwhelming-in-the-aggregate, constant emotional oppression I was getting. “The straw that broke the camel’s back” kiiind of references it, but not in a helpful way if the camel is just slowly being crushed without a specific breaking point.

          If you try to describe it as “bullying” but then are just describing things like smirks, or minor put-downs, or targeting your head in dodgeball, when they are expecting “real” bullying to only be things like regularly being beat up, then you are left helpless and unable to get support or to get them stopped, because, whatever, this is what you’re having issues with? Jesus, it’s just kids being kids. Grow up and stop obsessing over it and grow a thicker skin, for gods’ sakes.

          NO, it’s constant, unending, targeted micro-aggressions from multiple sources that are driving me to the brink of suicide, thanks. Assholes.

    3. thejeff

      She’s certainly aware of her dissociation, though she likely doesn’t grok where it all really comes from.
      She’s clearly talked about them as separate people in the past. She’s actually had a conversation with Amazi-Girl recently.

      Unfortunately, she’s not trying to describe it to Dorothy in a way that will help Dorothy understand.

  39. Bagge

    Fudge you, Blaine.

    1. Cerberus

      He’s… at least in the top 3 of worst.

      1. Scar Man!!!

        He seems like the type to use threats to get sex from his wife. I think that tops Scarface Ryan

        1. Emperor Norton II

          He’s probably what Gashface aspired to be.

    2. ValdVin

      Fudge Blaine so dang hard his head’ll be stuffed up his own a-hole.

      You all know what I meant.

  40. Cerberus

    Comic Reactions:

    Oh no… oh no no no no.

    So yeah, I’ve spoken a lot about my interpretation of AG trying to be the golden alter and spin a narrative of AG the golden perfect alter and Amber the broken demon monster who must be kept under wraps. And I worried a lot that her internalization after everything that happened would be that that is right and Amber is irredeemable.

    And here we see what seems to me at least to be the confirmation of that. Amber is fully invested in the narrative that she is a monster, that she is an antagonistic force to AG that AG needed to fight to keep down. That she was always destined to be such a force if ever allowed full free reign.

    And I get that fear and self-destruction. When I was young I fully internalized such a narrative. I had a golden alter who nearly got me killed and a “monster” alter which actually held a lot of pieces of my righteous anger and self-respect. And I did terrible things to that “monster” alter in this same fear that that alter unleashed would wreak havoc, would be the killer that all DID folks are presumed to have in them thanks to typical Hollywood depictions.

    I nearly died several times in service to that fantasy and in recovery… I was so scared so often, letting that “monster” out of her cage, letting her have more voice, more respect, more time. I was worried every time she got pissed and self-injured in fear that I had made a huge mistake. The first time I ever got drunk, I was in tears in absolute terror that without others to be on guard to grab her if she went on a rampage, my “monster” alter would do terrible things.

    The reality is, she was never my monster, just as Amber is not a monster, no matter how hard she wants to believe that she is. And her anger and capacity for violence is not at all the same as her father’s choice to enact violence onto her as a means of control, same as my anger is not the same as my own father’s violence and anger towards me.

    But that’s hard to believe when you’re down in it, when you’ve fully internalized the narratives that they love to drown you in. That you’re “destined” to become your abusive father in a “cycle” because people don’t want to own what actually drives abuse. That you’re broken and dangerous as a DID person because people can’t stop paying homage to Psycho. That you’re dangerous and one-step from a spree-killer because folks would rather blame white male terrorism on mental illness rather than look at the intersection of eliminationist rhetoric and domestic violence that warns of this shit.

    It’s so much easier to assume you are shit. That every tiny “outburst” no matter how light or how necessary or how, in Amber’s case, much it was a trauma response she had very little actual control over and was very likely necessary to save her, Dorothy, and Joyce’s life. That these are somehow the proof your brain was always looking for.

    And that sits with you. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to punch someone. My brain locks up too much in fear of becoming that myth. And that’s led to me passively absorbing a lot of stuff I have no reason to. Some involving very close calls with death.

    Amber here? Amber is in her own personal hell. A seeming confirmation of her own horrible monstrosity, her inner father praising her for becoming some twisted violent creature who will attack anyone and anything.

    And she wants so bad to be hated by Dorothy, to get that confirmation of that internal worldview, but I don’t think Dorothy will let her have it. And deep down she doesn’t want it. Look at her face in Panel 4. Looking away as she claims that a monster is what she’s always been. That half-pleading face in Panel 5 as she tries to pretend this is some supervillain awakening.

    She’s broken and hurting and thanks to assholes like Mike, assumes there’s only two categories, abusers and abused and wants desperately to be shut down, put in her “place” so that she can escape her supposed “destiny” to be an abuser.

    But Mike is full of shit. She’s not destined to be an abuser and no one is scared of her or assuming that a violent monster is all there is to her. Most are worried about her and want to do right by her. Some are grateful that her violence saved their lives*.

    *There’s a really good letter someone wrote as a formerly pacifist clergy member who noticed that they could no longer condemn antifa’s violence, because that violence had literally saved their lives and the lives of their community members and that they were in essence just outsourcing the sin of violence to pretend that was something separate the “righteous path”. It’s something I feel resonates with where Amber is right now.

    Here’s the article:
    https://radicaldiscipleship.net/2017/08/23/my-nonviolent-stance-was-met-with-heavily-armed-men/

    1. Rukdug

      *hugs*
      I’m sorry that you’ve had to go through all that. Because it’s unfair bullshit to have to always try not to be something that everyone says you will be but you aren’t.

    2. Zach

      I was always an outcast at school, owing to neurological coordination problems, like Dina if she had trouble speaking and couldn’t walk a straight line. But I was perfectly comfortable with violence. My parents saw me as scary and dangerous, and I figured if you’re punching a handycapped kid, you deserve a chomp on the face or whatever, and I don’t owe it to you to let you punch me. Was sent to anger management, and felt viewed as a monster. It was ‘why don’t you love me enough’ parenting, and I wasn’t aloud to express anger.

      I’ve heard you talk about therapy before, what can be done about all these learned and unhealthy inhibitions?

      1. Cerberus

        In my experience it’s about replacing them with healthier coping strategies. Like all those survival traits were there to survive a situation, so it’s about getting yourself to believe you are no longer in that situation and having healthier coping strategies to be there so there’s never a gap to freak out about.

      2. Vivid Grim

        something I do (or, something I need to do a lot more) is a something I learned in CBT (or maybe Dialectical Therapy?): confronting inaccurate and unhealthy thoughts as they come up. it’s basically recognizing thoughts that aren’t helpful, that play into your self-hatred, and gently going “no, that isn’t true; it might feel like that, but I’m a good person”.

        I don’t have any links on hand, but I’m sure there are lots of worksheets online that walk you through the process of changing thought patterns step-by-step.

    3. Geno

      I’d like to second the internet hugs. Also just like to state a second opinion on Mike. Dude has a lot of self hatred too, and I don’t think Mike said that purely to hurt her or cause pain. He’s certainly not correct in how he’s doing it, but most of the time Mike tries to help. He just does so in the jerkiest way possible. Not saying he’s right just saying that I don’t think he actually believes the bit about becoming an abuser. Mike tends to be that guy who delivers the “armor piercing question” that forces people to introspect. He’s definitely a jerk, but I think he does care.

      1. Emperor Norton II

        “But most of the time Mike tries to help”

        That is… highly debatable, to say the least.

        1. Scar Man!!!

          I think he’s trying to be a tri later mentor, but for once the plot is not bending over backwards to justify all his actions and make all his gambits succeed.

          Hopefully we’ll learn why he feels he can’t just talk to people normally

        2. Scar Man!!!

          Trickster mentor

        3. Geno

          That’s a good point in Walkyverse it was basically his super power to be able to analyze anyone, and know right to say just the right thing to make them think. Whereas here he seems to have similar motivations, but he doesn’t actually find the right words or the right time to say them.

        4. Fart Captor

          I could believe it. Not that he actually IS a “deliverer of hard truths”, but that he believes himself to be one. Wouldn’t be the first teenager to be that full of themselves, convinced he’s figured everything out already.

          Though the result is still that his form of “caring” is not actually worth much, even ignoring when he is clearly being malicious

        5. Scar Man!!!

          Exactly. Without the plot on his side, he’s just a cynical, maladjusted asshole

    4. Halpful3

      Oh.

      One of my alters, who’s similar to Amethyst… the one that’s more like Pearl doesn’t like to let her out. Because if I relax and let her out, bad things happen. Or more often, things don’t get done. Sometimes to the point of not even being able to bother brushing my teeth. (medication always happens, though. I’m glad of that but I don’t understand it.)

      I’m glad I remembered that medication side-effect I mentioned in another comment, because that’s evidence that letting her out is not inherently dangerous. I think it’s more that… it’s partly a backlash from her being repressed so much, and partly ADHD, and perhaps a bit of something I haven’t figured out yet. Plus if she’s not out much, she doesn’t get many chances to learn self-control and moderation and so on.

      And yeah, it’s fucking terrifying at times to let those alters have control. I’ve had meltdowns over stuff like leaving my MIL a voicemail, because even though she’s nice and not scary, the scared part of me is still like “what if you’re wrong? what if bad things happen?” and it is so, so hard to sit with it and shield the alter that dared do the scary thing, and remind myself that it was a good thing to do even though the fear is trying to tear me apart (semi-literally – muscle tension can get nasty).

      It takes a *lot* of compassion to start healing that shit. Sometimes it seems like a black hole that just sucks in compassion until I’m completely drained and exhausted. But it’s not bottomless. The compassion is changing things, and as they change, occasionally new skills fall out. 🙂 I find the SU Gems – from Garnet to Centipeetle to the massive shard thing – still make a good metaphor for my mind. 🙂

      huh. that article makes me think of Steven too. 🙂

      1. Cerberus

        It’s a long thing, but I want to give you all the internet hugs as you wind you’re way through it.

      2. Miri

        *sends many internet hugs your way too*

        1. Halpful3

          🙂

    5. Miri

      If it were possible I would reach into my phone, through the powers of the Internet find past you and give you all of the (personal space respecting) hugs back when you were dealing with that…

      1. Halpful3

        giving hugs and compassion to imaginary-past-me is actually a thing I do to reduce the power of the “hey remember that time you felt embarrassed?” asshole. 🙂

        …there’s an xkcd for that, but I can’t find it right now.

        1. Emperor Norton II

          I do not think the following is exactly what you are looking for, but still, the theme is similar: Embarrassing things we did in the past are… not that big a deal, really.

          https://www.xkcd.com/1370/

        2. ǝ snow ʍousɐ

          Here’s an xkcd about conversing with your past/future self (albeit in a completely different context), if that’s the one you’re thinking of: https://xkcd.com/1421/

    6. Vivid Grim

      to be honest my immediate reaction to today’s strip was ‘what the fuck, Willis’. because taken at its face it seems like it’s playing into the harmful stereotypes about DID/similar mental illnesses, and the narrative Amber has been telling herself too.

      there’s just something about the framing, and the emphasis on Amber’s scary expression in the last panel. but i have faith in Willis, so i’m going to assume this is another step in deconstructing Amber’s facade.

  41. Josh Spicer

    This feels like a slow transition to evil.

    1. Scar Man!!!

      Cause that’s how Amber feels, but she’s wrong

  42. Azutte

    I had a hard time parsing the art in this one because the curved lines in her hair are easier to read as eyebrows than her actual eyebrows.

  43. King Daniel

    For some reason, Amber’s dialogue here is reminding me of the lyrics to Let It Go:

    Don’t let them in, don’t let them see
    Be the good girl you always have to be
    Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know;
    Well, now they know . . .

    1. Miri

      That song choked me up the first few times I heard it… as a young teen I spent a fair few years trapped behind a maladaptive ‘everything is fine, see how thick my skin is – your barbs slide off me like water off a duck’s back’ wall I had built up to survive 3 years of intensive bullying. Was bleeding out from their cuts still on the inside, hated the brash, brittle persona I presented to the world (and when removed from that environment – it was really not a useful one for making friends), didn’t know how to actually ask for help and change things…

      It’s a powerful song.

      I also like, with that film, how even though it’s the older sister who becomes queen and who has magical powers – she is the one whose own fears take away her agency.

      Anna constantly tries. Anna constantly believes in herself and others (and the one time that shifts Kristoff supports and soothes her because he is a genuinely decent guy). Girl was dying, near collaping with weakness, and frigging ran to place herself between a dude with a sword and her sister, raising her bare, human hand up to stop a sword strike intended to behead her – and saved both of them in the process, teaching her sister that the secret to self-control isn’t to bottle everything up and shut everything off – it’s to love, to make connections, to be human…

      It always puzzles me a little when I hear about little girls not wanting to be Anna because Elsa because Elsa was a mess and Anna is awesome. And OK, impetuous, doesn’t know when to drop things, naive – but also 16 so those things kinda make sense and don’t necessarily reflect who she will grow to be.

      But I suspect for the kiddies it boils down to sparkly dress and stunning powers… When I watch it with my nearly 3 year old I help her understand it by explaining how scared Elsa is when she’s losing the fight against her inner demons. She loves both sisters.

    2. Halpful3


      Let it go, let it go, can’t hold it back any more
      Let it go, let it go-ooo, turn away and slam the door…

  44. Emperor Norton II

    And here we have it.

    Here we have it.

    We have what many people have talked about, how Amber sees herself as a monster. How Amber (thanks to her shitty father) have no self worth whatsoever. How Amber has so many problems, she deserves the rest of her life playing video games while having kitties cuddling her.

    We have what I have talked about many times, that AmaziGirl was (I believe) initially created as a persona because Amber wanted a comparatively healthy outlet for her violent tendencies. An outlet with a code. An outlet that would only use enough violence to stop, not to keep hurting. But then the persona took on to become something more, and as it did, it led to an internal fight (to say the least).

    We have what thejeff mentioned yesterday, that Amber doesn’t seek help because Amber’s issues prevent her from seeking help. She was afraid that even the best therapist would see her as a monster. Even if she did not have a general distrust of therapists, she still would not be able to trust one with -this- type of information.

    And last but not least, we have what Cerberus talked about, how Mike has been motherfucking goddamn AWFUL to her with his absolutely needless comments. Several of the lines she is saying right now is almost a direct result of him implying so damn heavily that she’s more like her father than her mother.

    Because while AG was first “created” to be a healthy heroic outlet for violence, she was also there to be the strong one, the worthy one, the one with the confidence and without the anxiety; the opposite of Amber.

    Remember that at first when Amber saw Sal, she would run away in fear of her.

    After Mike’s comment, she transitioned into thinking of herself more and more as a monster instead. And then when she saw Sal, she would run away… for fear of stabbing Sal again. And AG had to step in to stop her from doing that. And even AG could not stop holding a grudge against Sal until they had confronted each other; though at least AG had the self-control to not just stab Sal, or even throw the first punch on account of that breaking her code.

    And now, Amazi-Girl has lost…

    So yeah, there we have it…

    …

    …

    …

    …

    But that does not mean Amber is lost.

    True, she is as completely on the bottom as can be now, and honestly, it’s not certain she will come back from this.

    But there is a chance.

    And if she can come back from this…

    …If -Amber- can come back from this, without needing AmaziGirl to do it…

    …Then she will finally have won.

    Choose your next words very carefully, Dorothy.

    1. thejeff

      All dumped on Dorothy without actually telling her about the disassociation. very helpful.

      So, what did happen with Amazi-Girl? How did she lose? Did she try to take over and fail? Is Amber suppressing her now?

      1. Spencer

        Amazi-Girl’s stated purpose is to give Amber a healthy outlet for channeling her anger into something positive, and now Amber’s given up on that. That’s what she means by Amazi-Girl failing.

        1. thejeff

          So, is Amazi-Girl gone now there’s no use for her?
          Why didn’t/couldn’t she have let Amazi-Girl handle Ryan?

        2. Spencer

          It depends on what Amazi-Girl actually is.

          If Amazi-Girl is a dissociative personality, then she’s not gone, and Amber is doing a major harm to herself by attempting to repress her alter.

          If Amazi-Girl is just a persona that Amber puts on, then this is Amber actively giving up on doing any good with her life;

          The best case scenario is that Amber stops being Amazi-Girl and realizes she hasn’t suddenly started body slamming Dina or something, but that’s probably not going to happen. My guess is she pulls the costume out in a dramatic moment involving Sal.

        3. Delicious Taffy

          >Body slamming Dina
          >Implying Dina isn’t trained in seven different styles of mixed martial arts.

        4. thejeff

          She’s only trained in Dinosaur Style and in her one previous fight it wasn’t particularly effective, despite having surprise.

        5. Yumi

          Read this as “body shaming Dina” like five times and was all ready to be mad

        6. Spencer

          As for your second question, and as someone who views Amber as having BPD, it’s probably because she was in a huge panic. When she confronted Danny over being near Sal or when she runs away due to Sal’s presence or that one time she yelled at Danny, she has the time to become Amazi-Girl, and she didn’t when Ryan was there and had to rely on Amber’s rage and violence.

        7. thejeff

          I suspect the panic is more of the issue and less a question of time. She’s shifted near instantly before – certainly from AG to Amber in mid leap at Blaine, but also the confrontation with Danny over Sal. That change seemed to take place in about one deep breath.

        8. Spencer

          I guess it’s more of a metaphorical thing then. Amazi-Girl ruins things with Danny, Amber gets into violent altercations that continuously break her spirits. Whichever one is more fitting to the plot shows up.

        9. thejeff

          Also had been thinking, in my darker moments, that Amazi-Girl had deliberately left her to deal with it alone.

        10. Spencer

          From what I understand (which admittedly is not much) alters act in protection of the main identity, so it’s unlikely that Amazi-Girl would do something to deliberately harm Amber.

        11. Halpful3

          Eh, they can have messed up ideas of what “protection” entails.

          …kinda like how toedad seemed to think he was “protecting” Becky. :/

          Amazi-girl might be more concerned about protecting her secret identity or something. Or at least she might try to rationalize it that way. It’s also possible she was just being selfish.

        12. Vivid Grim

          noooot quite. there’s so much variet when it comes to alters. it’s true that the original act of splitting (forming alters) is a protective/coping mechanism to deal with trauma, but really, alters can have any number of motives and personalities.

          some act to protect the host; others are more just their own agents; some actively act against the wellbeing of their hosts/other alters, though that seems to be more rare. some multiple systems are families, and some are just roommates.

        13. Jeremy

          You can’t really do a “Hold on, I need to get my costumed persona” thing in real life. Yeah, Amber went a bit overboard on a scumbag deserving retribution, but fetching Amazi-Girl seems implausible when presented with a knife-wielding psycho.

        14. Fart Captor

          Except she’s done it without the costume before, such as when she dumped Danny. The mask and cape seem to help, but they aren’t actually necessary

        15. Oruncrest

          IMO, Amber has certain triggers (all pertaining to ‘that night’) that shut down AG (namely hostage-taking and knives). If she sees one of her triggers, then her rage-monster comes out – and Ag’s locked out!

  45. Carms

    I’m having real trouble engagin with AmberInc. this all feels really performative? “I’m so terrible *aggressive chin-jut teeth-bared grin*”
    I’ll believe that it’s a lack in me, sure, that I haven’t developed the necessary empathy pathways to deal with Ambers’ issues.
    But I really can’t get past ‘oh PLEASE, get over yourself and avail yourself of the help ppl are tripping over themselves to give you’.

    1. Miri

      The people who need help the most are the ones who feel least deserving of it, and who are therefore most likely to try to push away offers of support.

    2. Halpful3

      er, what help? I think Ruth has been the only one to offer help so far. Joyce wanted to thank her, Dorothy is mad at her, Stacy’s abilities seem to end at getting her a donut…

      but, even being familiar with amber’s feelings, I too am desperate for her to get that support already 😛

      1. Carms

        her mum, danny, ethan. Dorothy. Sal.
        not specific to the most recent event, there are SO many people demonstrating support, most of whom AmberInc is actively shutting down and trying to drive away. ‘none of them are enough’ sure ok, because AMBER refuses to utilise them in any way shape or form. All the food in the world will be not enough if you don’t eat it

        BUT ALL THIS IS PORRIDGE, as casually frustrating as I find Amber, again, I’m just Not Equipped to care about her #anguish. This must be what Baby Boomer convservatives feel like, which is an existentially horrifying thought.

  46. Marsh Maryrose

    Panel 4. Freaking panel 4.

    It is an objective and incontrovertible fact that panel 4 has the most expressive face that Willis has ever drawn. He had already established an incredibly high bar, but then he surpassed it.

    There have been, and I’m sure will be, better faces. I will never not enjoy seeing Becky light up the room when she’s happy, or Dina blushing, or Jocelyne proposing a daring pirate raid while Joyce’s brain visibly explodes.

    But Amber’s face in panel 4 is close to an apotheosis.

    Panel 5, though, is scarily close to the expression she had on her face just before she started to eviscerate the dirtbag. I’m choosing to interpret panel 6 positively, but there’s enough ambiguity in the context that it could give one the shivers.

  47. Yumi

    Hey, does anyone, especially Dave who sometimes comments here, know what’s up with the webcomic Selkie? The website has been giving the message “This Account Has Been Suspended” for a couple days now, and I don’t know Dave’s Twitter or anything to see what’s up.

    1. Emperor Norton II

      Managed to find Dave’s twitter:

      https://twitter.com/strawberrycocoa

      Apparently, it’s technical issues.

      1. Yumi

        Thanks. Hopefully things get worked out soon; it’s a good comic.

        1. Emperor Norton II

          Glad I could help out present you, and not just theoretically past you. 😉

  48. KSClaw

    Yeah well Amber hasn’t won anything, judging by Dorothy’s expression.

  49. Rukdug

    Panel 1. Panel 2. Panel 4. Those hit hard. I’ve seen those eyes in my reflection. Heard those words whispered in my head when no one was around. The mindset, the emotional hell that Amber is dealing with, that used to be me. And sometimes, on really bad days, it’s still me.
    …
    I, I think I might need to take a little break for a while. That was hard to read.

    1. Scar Man!!!

      I honestly wonder if I should do so too. None of this awful shot has happened to me, but this whole comic has been really affecting the tone of my daily moods to the point my mom has suggested that I stop. But if miss it and the comments so much and would probably never get back to it
      You do what you need to do

    2. Halpful3

      *hugs*

  50. Well_Played

    Yeah…She’s needs a Great Teacher Onizuka lesson. Also therapy.

  51. Scar Man!!!

    j don’t get what she just said any more than Dorothy does

    1. tyersome

      I’m finding comments by Cerberus to be extremely illuminating – she posts analyses on most pages …

      Also, you expressed extreme frustration about a lack of resources for sorting out truth from BS in the media — this article seems like a reasonable place to start:
      http://www.npr.org/2016/12/11/505154631/a-finders-guide-to-facts

      1. Scar Man!!!

        Thank you. I dont think you get how muxh this means to me, even as part of me still wants not to believe them either. I promise I shall study it like the Torah

        1. tyersome

          You’re welcome – I’m glad I was able to help!

      2. Scar Man!!!

        Also, yeah Cerbs really cleared it up for me

  52. jjX

    Welcome to america, where apparently kids believe that getting ‘noticed’ is a synonym to “doing life wrong”. But hey, it makes em all step in line!”

    I know that’s an overstatement, an unfair generalization, but I constantly see the issue downplayed instead. A few “motivational quotes” then back to “my office! ~ooooooh you’re in trouble” stereotypes, as if that’s all that’s required to undo this poisonous idea with next to no visible symptoms. Fuck no! This shit takes years to unlearn! Years that I look back on and cry.

    And now it’s Amber’s turn. Will she get better within 30 strips? (or 3 months in universe?) If she does I might throw a fit, that’s how jealous I’d be.

  53. newllend(henryvolt)

    Is she done ? Because I’m still not convinced there’s anything wrong with you.

  54. Scar Man!!!

    Anyone want to sue Willis for fraud for giving his depressing-ass comic such a comedic-sounding name?

  55. newllend(henryvolt)

    She’s not the monster she thinks she is but she does need help.

  56. WingedBeast

    Okay, Amazi-Girl has lost… long run, I think good.

    Amber, you’ve been operating on a specific notion, this idea that doesn’t really apply. It’s this idea that you can either be the pure hero or the pure villain. Let go of that idea, as well. You don’t have to choose between Blaine’s Daughter and Amazi-Girl. They are both you.

    Yes, Blaine’s Daughter is a scarey thing to be. He is a monster and he not only raised you, but his genes are part of what made you. But, that is an element of what you are. Accept it. Manage it if need be. But, that doesn’t mean he controls you.

    Amazi-Girl lost because her mission was impossible. But, she isn’t gone. Blaine’s Daughter may also try her method, but it will be similarly empty of success, similarly an attempt to make the fear go away. You need to find a way to be both.

    1. erejnion

      Nice, I approve! Let me throw in my spin too:

      Amber realized she’s not Amazi-Girl enough. But now she needs to realize she’s not Blaine’s Daughter enough either.

      She’s mostly Ethan’s Friend when she’s not busy emoing. I’m sure Ethan has more influence on her character than Blaine.

  57. ADLegend21

    anyone else notice that Amber’s face in the last panel is the same as her father’s usual face?

    1. Fart Captor

      Yeah, she should really give that back

  58. acher4

    Wait…. was this whole story leading to the creation of the worst villain of DoA? And that was Amber????

    1. Neeks

      Amber certainly seems to think so, anyway.

  59. Doribi

    My goodness, didn’t Amber learn anything from the prequel trilogy of Star Wars, Fear leads to Anger, Anger Leads to Hate, Hate leads to suffering, she has gone full sith here, her own self loathing has turned her into the monster she feared she would become.

    1. WingedBeast

      Fear *can* lead to anger. Anger *can* lead to hate. Hate *can* lead to suffering.

      I’d say she’s fallen prey to Yoda’s inability to deal with a complex emotional reality.

      1. Yumi

        Yeah, I’m often afraid and rarely angry, so

        1. Madock345

          I think it’s kind of like “I-55 leads to Chicago”

          “Well I’ve been on 55 all the time, but never gone to Chicago!”

        2. Yumi

          This amuses me because my initial reaction was, “No, you want to take 94.”
          And then I looked up the path of I-55 to see where one might be going to Chicago from.

        3. Halpful3

          I’m sure there’s a way to keep extending the metaphor there 🙂 like, yeah, instructions that work for one person in one place won’t necessarily work for another person in a different place. 🙂

        4. Kryss LaBryn

          “No, see, I-55 is how you leave Chicago.”

          *does not actually know for sure that I-55 is two-way at Chicago*

        5. cesium133

          I’m fine with taking 39 and not going to Chicago.

  60. durhamtyler

    Man, I don’t know about anyone else but I’m getting some serious Dear Evan Hansen vibes from this strip. I could practically hear “Words Fail” posting over those first panels.

  61. AgentKeen

    Oh dear.

    1. AgentKeen

      So, is my new random avatar purposefully out-of-frame?

      1. Emperor Norton II

        Yes.

  62. Jaime

    Wow. Just..wow. The first three panels are basically THE INSIDE OF MY HEAD.

    1. UltraKyrie

      anxiety high five

      1. Jaime

        ?

  63. Falcon

    I know Amber’s supposed to be trying to convey this scary narrative painting herself as a monster, but I’m not hearing anything more damning than, “I feel fine after stabbing a rapist repeatedly.” I can think of worse character traits. Feeling relief that the truth has come out after a prolonged period of tortured secrecy is perfectly normal.

    1. Carms

      NO she’s EVIL. GEEZ MOM YOU JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND MEEE.

  64. Amber

    Geez, Willis, way to make me feel bad about the name I chose for myself. :p

  65. Joslyn

    “Do you want me to give you a hug?”
    “…yes.”

  66. EvilMidnightLurker

    About what I said yesterday… I think this is Gray Amazi-Girl, or Amber Fixit, and I’m kind of regretting wanting to see her. 🙁

  67. Danni

    i know that face amber’s making in the last panel…. where have i seen it before…….

    1. Danni

      its blaine

      1. Bagge

        Nooooooooooooooooooo

  68. Sugnez

    So I was hitting the random comic button a few times because I wanted to quietly admire the art, and I stumbled across this.
    http://www.dumbingofage.com/2014/comic/book-4/04-the-whiteboard-dong-bandit/reboot/
    Look at how happy Amazi-girl used to be!

    1. Jess

      Rude. 🙁

  69. VeryCreativeUsername

    Amazi-Girl No More.

  70. Jess

    Jesus. Chills. I hope Dorothy can say something to release the tension a little, though I imagine it’ll actually be a cut to a different scene.

    The hover script made me laugh, though. “Put THAT in your newspaper and smoke it.” lol

  71. CianM1301

    Ooh, I had just had a thought. Now that Amber believes Amazi-Girl loat, she throws out the suit, but someone like Dorothy or Joyce finds it and, remembering all the good Amazi-Girl did, becomes the “new” Amazi-Girl, leading Amber to eventually confront them while they’re in costume and explain that being Amazi-Girl is just a slippery slope to becoming “evil” like her. They’d get into a fight, with Amber probably winning because she has more fighting experience, but someone sees her assaulting Amazi-Girl and tries to stop her, which ends up further feeding Amber’s self-induced notion that she’s evil. Boom, she becomes the supervillain to her own superhero.

    1. HeatherJean

      Carla said that AG was a psychotic violent nutcase, and that she could be those things too if she wanted. So maybe she’s a candidate for the cape.

      1. CianM1301

        Ooh, I could see that. Plus, she’d have the rollerskates that she could just spray paint blue to go with the outfit.

        1. HeatherJean

          Well, with DOA’s new power couple (Mary as The Trapster, her beau as Paste Pot Pete) as her archenemies, possibly.

      2. Neeks

        The cape, maybe, but she’d have a bit of work getting into the rest of the costume given their height difference.

  72. CJ

    Dang, has Dorothy any kind of experience that will let her link this to anything other than formative moments of supervillians?
    Several of you pointed out similarities to typical superhero formative moments and with no awareness of DID, how should she interpret what she is told and seeing here?
    Come to think of it, as Amber is the one reading superhero comics a lot, she herself obviously has no other concept to relate to what is happening to her and her feeling than that. I don’t thinks she playing this up just to drop out of it and say, ok, bad joke but your hero worship was really getting to me.
    I really do hope Ambers mother will tell Leslie something that makes her aware of the state of things.
    Pour Leslie, the only reliable adults around and I phantasiese about her doing all the right things to help her students. As if she were a superhero….

  73. Zaxares

    Anybody else look at the last panel and go “Oh shit, she looks SO much like Blaine with that grin”?

  74. OnyxIdol

    Well, that’s a supervillain origin situation if I ever saw one.

    I kind of feel Amber here. I don’t see myself as a monster, but my emotional landscape is to a large degree dominated by fear and anger – when it isn’t flatlining. And occasionally I worry about what would happen if someone was really trying to push me over the edge.

    1. erejnion

      In my view Amber’s case is mostly Ascended Teenage Emoing. Her family situation is bad and all, but she takes after her friends much more than she cares to admit.

      1. OnyxIdol

        Please explain the term “Ascended Teenage Emoing”.

        1. erejnion

          I’m loosely nabbing “ascended” from tvtropes and how it’s used there. I’m sure you have an idea what I mean by “teenage emoing”. It’s ascended in the sense that it has way bigger effect on the plot than one would expect from normal teenage emoing. Hopefully Dorothy snaps her out of it now.

        2. OnyxIdol

          What Amber is doing is hardly “normal”.

        3. erejnion

          What she’s doing right in this page is pretty normal. Some of her past actions are indeed hardly “normal”, but that’s why I specified the “Ascended” part.

  75. Reltzik

    Tonight, Grav Roulette, you have given me Dorothy again.

    This is the second time in four nights. I can’t help but suspect that you’re trying to tell me something.

    No. No, no, no, and I say again no. Dorothy is not representative of me. She is disciplined and I’m a scatterbrain. She’s organized and I’m… not. She’s got it together and I don’t. She’s got drive and I’ve got video games.

    Yes, okay, we have our atheism and liberalism in common, along with awesome parents, but that’s about it.

    So no. She doesn’t fit me at all. Quit being so pushy and quit giving me Dorothy.

    Let’s try again tomorrow, shall we?

  76. Proto

    No offense, but this Frank Miller Dark Amazi-girl Returns story seems way too over-the-top and corny, even by the standards of the standard drama here.

    Regardless, I hope Dorothy does go to the newspaper, as maybe it’d help Amber get the therapy she desperately needs if Amazi-girl is off the board, so to speak.

    1. Icalasari

      I mean, seems like even Dorothy is basically going, “…K” instead of being freaked out or anything as you’d expect in those kinds of comics

    2. Daibhid C

      So … no-one else thinking “Yep, been there”, then?

      Okay.

      No, me neither.

      1. Daibhid C

        Ah, scrolling back up, other people are thinking that and I missed them.

  77. Abel Undercity

    Mama, I’m scared of the lady.

  78. Joe Covenant

    “There is no Dark Side of the Amber, really… s’a matter of fact, she’s ALL dark…”

  79. Gaia

    I like to think Mike’s sexuality is Aggressively Submissive.

    “Let me worship at your feet or I’ll punch you in the face!”

  80. L!ghtn!ng

    …Holy shit.

  81. Luchucholo

    In Japan, that’s a “chuunibou”. Disociative disorder mechanism to cope unto something. Only that Amber perhaps goes to the extreme. And this makes me realize that you can have all the support , good things on your way and prospects… all that can be flushed in the toilet if the individual doesn’t appreciate himself and feels fundamentally broken inside. To heal, Amber needs give herserlf permission to do so. Otherwise, it’s impossible, as that can’t be forced from the outside. Much to my chagrin, I think she’s not receptive to any plea for her treatment. Toxic individualism (gotta cope with my own problem, I can’t be a burden to others. There’s also something akin to pride at work there) . It’s surprising that any of her friend hasn’t suggested professional help to her. Oh yes, they’re kids. But, heck, they’re in college already. A minimum of judgement should be expected, Walky not withstanding.

    1. Vivid Grim

      i would not describe DID as chuuibou syndrome at. all

    2. Rei

      Chuunibyou is a mocking term for people (usually preteens) that acted like know-it-alls, or believe they have special mythical powers. Kinda like how in English we say some people are edgy twelve year olds. DID is an actual medical condition and is not comparable to Chuunibyou at all.

    3. erejnion

      Chuunibyou is much wider as a definition than you think, Rei. Amber would indeed be called chuunibyou for this behavior of hers if she lived in Japan. And was Japanese.
      Also, in Japan pretty much any term that describes people who are out of the norm is mocking in nature. This doesn’t mean when non-Japanese people use these terms, they are using them to mock. For example how some people call themselves “otaku” as if it is a badge of honor.

  82. Andy

    It’s kinda like she saw The Dark Knight and took that “you either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villian” line as advice. And since she’s still alive…

  83. Badgermole

    Also, quick add on rereading third panel: Amber’s self loathing has set it up so she can’t win no matter what. If people didn’t ‘notice’ her after the Ryan episode she thinks it’s because they’ve always known she’s a monster. If they did notice her it would confirm for her that they’ve all been talking about what a monster she is. Her fears have covered every possible scenario, leaving no way for her to get validation from others.

  84. TheAmazingKMan

    I wonder what exactly Dorothy is thinking in the last panel. She definitely doesn’t seem to be angry, so is that concern, fear, or just plain confusion? After all, Amber is being awfully vague, especially to someone who has no context of what she’s been through.

  85. Robert

    Oh I don’t think I like amber when she is wearing her Blaine face….

  86. Jago

    This screams “I need therapy”.

  87. ValdVin

    The “face in shadow” trope for Amber, starting the last panel yesterday, is really good stuff.

  88. Larkle

    Yeah, that sounds a little crazy…

  89. Yumi

    I see some comments have been deleted. I don’t disagree with that, but I was, like, perversely curious where that was going.

  90. Spongegirl Circleskirt

    I, ah, gotta go see a man about a…
    Well you see, I need to see if I left the oven…
    I’m just going to go now, okay?…
    Bye!

  91. Felis Leo

    Well, I do not find this overly surprising as this is who Amber has been all along. She was not fighting and beating up criminals to protect innocent people. They were just socially acceptable targets upon whom she could vent her anger borne of her self-loathing.

    1. Fart Captor

      No, it isn’t. Yes, she has an anger problem, and yes, finding a positive outlet for that anger IS why she started being a vigilante, but she absolutely WAS protecting innocent people.

      She didn’t leap into action to help Becky because she had anger to vent. She did that because Dorothy called her and asked for her help.

      1. Eldritch Gentleman

        She sees Amazi-Girl as everything that is best in her. She is the hero, the saviour while Amber is the dark, corrupting force which can only hurt and destroy… Kind of reminds me of Sentry with Amber as Void.

      2. 3oranges

        In some ways Amazi-girl is worse for that, too. Remember the bit with underage drinking? A-G is supposed to be “good”, which means consistent, which turns out to mean harsh. It was only as Amber that she could be compassionate and helpful to Billie instead.

    2. 3oranges

      This has certainly been one aspect of Amber all along. What she’s missed is that it doesn’t have to be the definition of who she is, because it’s only a part and a potentially mutable one at that.

  92. Dracke

    well amazi-gilr is going joker.
    That girl will kill someone soon and now she wont even pretend to be a hero.
    She need psyquiatric help

    1. Arianod

      Also a hug.

  93. Sporky

    I imagine Dorothy is just thinking “hey… personal space, buddy”

  94. miina

    Well at least she’s consolidating her identities, that’s a step in the right direction

  95. BP

    … I have a question for all DID patients on this comment section, former, current or otherwise.

    What’s the one thing you wish somebody would have said to you in a moment like this?

    I’m thinking about how Danny told Amber “the only person turned against you is you” and she didn’t listen, and how she didn’t listen again when he said all of Amazi-Girl’s goodness came from Amber. I’m also thinking (because he’s the only other decent fictional representative I know) about how Big Bad Harv was worried that Harvey Dent was trying to get rid of him, (presumably) before his therapist could explain that the goal for them was integration, not destruction. (I guess I also go back to Two-Face because in the comics, his origin story was very similar to Amber’s; the main difference was that Harvey’s father actually loved him, but was still a terrible parent.)

    I really want to know what to say to someone in a state like this, that would help them even a little.

    1. BP

      It’s always either Amber or AG running from them getting help for this obvious issue. I’ve had self-destructive tendencies and made self-destructive choices before, but someone was always able to talk me out of them. I guess I want to know what would be truly helpful here, and make them/her listen.

    2. NullSet

      Not every system wants to integrate.

  96. NozajDarkcaster

    I feel strangely like I relate to amber more than I should, considering nothing bad ever happened to me…

  97. Ntrovert

    Is the last frame a paean from Willis to the famous Norman Bates shot from Psycho? Because that is creepy AF.

  98. Jhon

    Here’s Amber the Monster, roaming free. Without restraint.
    (let’s see if anyone notices)

  99. Lingo

    Hair intensifies….

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