247

Stubb
Posted on June 3, 2016 by David M Willis

247 thoughts on “Stubb”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    “hey you, Walky-with-lipstick”

    “WOW COOL THE BLACK RIDER”

    “–say whut”

    “oh sorry, I thought this was DRRR! …REALLY I SWEAR I’M NOT RACIST”

    1. Hawke

      i cannot stress the amount of “this” in this single comment.

      well played.

      1. DarkoNeko

        Don’t lose your head over it.

        1. Znayx

          You mean don’t lose your head over this

        2. DarkoNeko

          do I ?

        3. Schol-R-LEA

          Highlander! I know you’re in here! Show yourself!

        4. JasonAW3

          I always figured Sal was a Highlander… Although I doubt even SHE knows it yet!

    2. inqntrol

      “Where are your other 8 companions?”

      1. Schol-R-LEA

        “Let’s get this bongo to Mount Doom!” (watches as every male poster cringes at the memory of that skit)

    3. Mr. Random

      More like a darker skinned Joyce.
      She has the mouth.

      1. Kris

        More like Black Becky pre haircut.

        1. Znayx

          That’s what I was thinking. More Becky than Joyce in that look.

    4. gkheyf

      why is walky eating a giant marshmallow???

      1. Doctor_Who

        With his diet? Why is he ever not eating a giant marshmallow?

        1. Dana

          Fifty. McNuggets.

    5. ninja_jesus

      So who is Shizuo and who is Izaya?

      1. Ana Chronistic

        Amber and Amazi-Girl?

        1. Ana Chronistic

          (actually, I don’t know anyone scheming enough to be Izaya)

        2. Techhead

          Maybe Mike?

        3. Cybersnark

          Mike.

          (Mary thinks she’s Izaya, but she’s really one of those drug dealers Akabayashi beats up.)

        4. Ana Chronistic

          Mike doesn’t love humanity tho

    6. Schpoonman

      Definitely thought it was Walky when it was all zoomed out on my phone.

    7. Doctor_Who

      What amazes me is that panel 1 is a wide shot, yet clearly only the two of them are there. Yet Sal can just reach off panel and summon a new character like she’s pulling a rabbit from a hat.

      1. Nono

        Sal Groupie could have just come out of the building.

        1. Doctor_Who

          That’s the boring explanation. Sal having the ability to call fangirls into being is far more interesting.

        2. davidbreslin101

          Very useful for fighting Ranma1/2-style “perverts.” She pulls some fangirls out of fangirlspace, and they all pull hammers out of hammerspace. Instant army.

        3. Tom Speelman

          I have an army!

          Ah have mah fans!

      2. a snow ʍousɐ

        Fangirl was hiding in the bushes!

      3. N0083rP00F

        Must have taken lessons from Bullwinkle

    8. ianmorris

      i need to read more drrr, it helps that black rider is a female, but i think sal talking gives it away

      1. DarkoNeko

        Celty is pretty timid, tho. Diametrally opposite to Sal.

    9. Just_DJ

      Having recently discovered DRRR! and DRRR! x2, I feel a bit more like Captain America. Thank you for making the comments section as enjoyable as the comic.

  2. Wheelpath

    Best friends!

  3. Nono

    All candidates for names for Sal Groupie, go!

    1. Mr. Mendo

      Nichelle!

    2. JessWitt

      Rhonda!

      1. JessWitt

        I take that back. Marietta!

        1. Some1

          Michelle

        2. DarkoNeko

          Charlotte

    3. Onion

      Samantha.

    4. Rusty

      Davida

    5. Bagge

      Other OTHER Rachel

      1. Ana Chronistic

        you mean ANother Rachel

        1. Bagge

          …
          Yes. Yes, that’s what I meant.

        2. Deanatay

          Abbreviate to Ana-Rachel.

    6. Bix902

      Walkyla

    7. Baf

      Joise

    8. Black Bumblebee

      Let’s go with Teagan. Every story needs a Teagan

    9. Anonymouse

      She wasn’t tagged… she will never appear again, rest her soul.

    10. Bicycle Bill

      The top ten names for females born in 1998 (which would be about right for someone who is 18 in 2016) are, in order:
      1) Emily
      2) Taylor
      3) Hannah
      4) Madison
      5) Alexis
      6) Samantha
      7) Ashley
      8) Alissa
      9) Kayla
      10) Sarah

      Sarah’s already been taken; pick any one of the others.

      1. Historyman68

        Ashley Madison it is!

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          Only if she’s a home wrecker.

    11. Daibhid C

      First name Sal, second name Groupie.

    12. quarktime

      Female. Pronounced Feh-MAH-lee.

      1. DarkoNeko

        Fémalie ?

    13. Amazi-Stool

      Salmonella!
      Hey, at least it sounds like a name – chosen by Marcie.

      1. Jack

        My brain has just informed me that “salmonella” is metrically identical to “Oklahoma”. I now have a very weird Rodgers & Hammerstein parody going through my head.

    14. maxyai

      Laquisha. Because why not?

  4. Mr. Random

    Friends for LYFE!

  5. Mr. Mendo

    Marcie’s gonna wear her down. You can set your watch by it…

    1. TheAnonymousGuy

      when she finally does can we get an 80’s style montage to the instrumental version of everybody dance now as she helps sal find a new friend,
      OR
      she can finally snap, and go off on Marcie about how she doesn’t need more friend only to in the mist of her rant realize she does have numerous friends in Walky, Joyce, Billie, and the others.

  6. Doctor_Who

    No tag on Enthusiastic Sal Fangirl? Anyone have a name suggestion?

    1. JessWitt

      Marietta. The hovertext is a loose saying of Donna from Parks and Recreation, but that’s already an AU character’s name. So let’s go with the actress Retta’s real first name.

  7. shadowcell

    making friends, making threats, the line between them is so blurry

  8. Taigan

    Next on DoA, Sal learns the difference between friends and sycophants.

    1. Dana

      In that sense Malaya has more friend potential than any other non-Marcie person in her life currently.

      1. Leorale

        Or Carla. They actually seem to like being near each other.

    2. Reltzik

      The difference is that Sal doesn’t want sycophants, and doesn’t want friends.

      1. DarkoNeko

        She tried to invite Joyce to lunch.

  9. Sam

    Sal can get all the obsessed fans for friends she wants.

    1. jeffepp

      ‘Cause, she’s Bat-Fonz.

  10. Achallenger

    thought was imaginary friend made by them knowing eachother too long

  11. tim gueguen

    Marcie is not amused.

  12. Kris

    I was gonna comment on what a generally stupid idea it was to trust Malaya to deliver anything but really who the hell was that yahoo?!

  13. Saaaam

    Sending Carla would have been a better bet

    1. Bagge

      The point with sending Malaya is that Malaya is on the team – it would be an invitation rather than just a suggestion.

      Of course, that hings on a) Malaya understanding the message, b) Malaya caring about understanding the message and c) Malaya and Sal not hating each other’s gut so… yeah.

      1. 3-I

        The problem is that Malaya’s a rude jerk who’s already butted heads with Sal more than once. But Marcie wants to bang her, so she seems determined to make them be friendly to one another.

        That never ends well.

  14. Victor Riley

    Well, she does have a technique.

  15. Cattleprod

    Nothing has made me more tempted to join Patreon than the prospect of voting for this nameless character with only the barest hint of a personality (amiable, I guess?) for the bonus strip.

  16. DarkoNeko

    That’s… not friendship.

    1. quarktime

      And anything involving Malaya IS?

      1. DarkoNeko

        Yes ?

  17. Coco Pommel

    Sal needs to relax. I mean. Damn.

  18. Triniking1234

    At first I was like “What happened to Walky’s lips?” and then the LOL kicked in.

  19. Imperator

    Sal does have a valid point. If she doesn’t mix with the person, she doesn’t mix with the person. It’s not that she doesn’t know how to make friends– although, yeah, gal could stand to open up a little at times– but Malaya is hardly the person she needs to befriend.

    1. Viktoria

      Fair, but Marcie would like her best friend and her likely gf to not hate each other. It makes things simpler.

    2. Emily

      Malaya isn’t the only person on their roller derby team. This seems like more Marcie trying to get Sal to engage in any kind of social activity whatsoever because it’s hard to make friends when you’re busy playing the brooding loner 24/7. Her maybe getting along better with Malaya may be a nice bonus but the main goal is to get Sal to engage with other human beings in some way other than being aggressively disaffected at them.

  20. magicallady

    wow, sal, you dont need to learn how to make friends. good job on being right. go you.

  21. Stephen R. Bierce

    This calls for Grateful Dead.

    1. Stephen R. Bierce

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b9SKxL9CnW0 <- This one.

  22. tim gueguen

    Sal should have said something about Carla instead. She might be able to just about pass off Carla as a friend.

  23. Tacos

    Cue the bajillion suggestions on what to name this new character…

    1. Deanatay

      Already had that, further up the page.

  24. Plasma Mongoose

    What, no ghost hands??

    1. newllend(henryvolt)

      Ghost hands sounds like the name of a wicked cool superpower.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        It would be like a limited form of Green Lantern’s power.

        1. newllend(henryvolt)

          Now I’m just thinking About paranatural.

        2. Rutee

          Not /that/ limited. Hal Jordan mostly either punches things, boxes them, or shields them. This still lets you do one of those things.

  25. newllend(henryvolt)

    OK LET’S DO THIS SHI-oh Sal and Marcie tonight ok, I kind of thought we were going to dive head first into Becky and Joyce drama but there’s nothing wrong this. These two don’t get enough screen time anyway.

  26. Onion

    For some reason when I first saw the strip I thought that was Walky wearing lipstick.

    1. Tacos

      At first I thought maybe somebody tricked Walky into eating a ghost pepper or something.

  27. John

    Sal, there’s a difference between “friends” and “cultists”.

    1. Cybersnark

      Ia! Ia! Sal Fhtagn!

      1. Clif

        Oh, oh. Now you’ve done it.

  28. Marvelman

    Sigh. Sal, you do have another friend… Joyce. You rescued Becky on a motorcycle together. If that doesn’t make you friends, I don’t know what does.

    1. Leorale

      Yeah, I like that Sal is warming up to Joyce, now that Joyce isn’t blinded by Sal-worship or trying so hard, and that Joyce is just her determined self.
      Plus Sal and Carla. They shared a joint, sort of. Very sort of. But still!

    2. quarktime

      If it were anyone else but Sal, “Becky on a Motorcycle” sounds suspiciously like “Christ on a Crutch”.

  29. Charles Phipps

    Sal can’t join the roller-derby because Sal can’t skate. Her performance to Carla left me unconvinced. 🙂

    1. Idontcarenomore

      Sal can skate just fine. Its just not a priority.

      1. Charles Phipps

        So she says. Sal is awful at some physical activity. We just haven’t found it yet.

        1. Deanatay

          Smiling. She sucks at smiling.

    2. quarktime

      Hey, Carla can skate! Well, she can when her wheels aren’t glued…

  30. Hiraku

    I just realized someone who would benefit from Roller Derby tremendously– Amber. It’s a great place to speed and vent your anger in a safe environment.

    1. Onion

      Safer than speeding down the road on top of a car, at least.

    2. Rukduk

      Yep. But because it makes some logical sense, it will not happen because the first years of legal adulthood is not a logical time.

    3. jeffepp

      Ya know, someone already called this strip turning into one about them being a travailing roller derby team, solving mysteries in each town, while on the run from the evil dads. I can’t quite say who though…

      1. SgtWadeyWilson

        I joked about spinning off into a Dumbing Derby a short time ago, but it was more of a “still in the same area, but give Carla, Malaya, Marcie and Sal more screen time” thing. (Organized alphabetically because it’s hard to choose a favorite.)

        Also, maybe extending the roller derby thread will draw the attention of the originator of the Roller Detectives idea.

    4. Bagge

      As long as Amazigirl lets her…

    5. Leorale

      Yes, that could be super cathartic.

    6. Betrayer

      It wouldn’t be a safe environment if Amber was involved, she has trouble controlling herself. She needs counseling to work through her issues before being put in a situation where someone completely innocent might get hurt.

      1. StClair

        yeah, this. she would escalate things, and get violent on other players far beyond what’s appropriate or anything they’d “earned.”

        girl needs help, not another excuse/opportunity to beat people up.

        1. Spencer

          Maybe.

          On one hand I’ve seen it bandied that doing a physical activity to deal with anger is bad, because you start associating getting angry with that endorphin rush.

          On the other hand, roller derby would be a constrained and safe environment for Amber to channel that anger and make it her own. It’s a place where Amber can push back without worrying that she will actually hurt someone, because knocking people around is part of the game, and if she ever did go too far there would be people there to stop her.

          Amber isn’t allowed to get angry the way Amazi-Girl is because Amber is shitty and violent and destructive and yells at Danny when he kisses her. You can’t victimize someone in a roller derby because they’re too busy checking you into walls.

        2. Leorale

          Hmm, this is all true. It really depends whether she and others could trust her to be violent only within the constraints of the game.

          And yes, she also needs actual help, no matter what.

          I think roller derby for Amber appeals to people because it’s a healthier variation of her coping mechanism. And, she does like having specific rules and constraints for her behaviours, so, maybe an external structure would help sate her cathartic need for punchin’ people, without going way overboard like she is with Amazi-Girl. Hard to say for sure.

        3. Clif

          Um. Have you watched roller derby?

        4. Leorale

          I haven’t, though I’d like to. Surely it’s better than jumping on and off of highway vehicles, though, right? And everyone in the ring has consented to playing the game.

        5. Spencer

          I mean, the actual punching isn’t the important part to Amber, it’s that she’s convinced Amber is not allowed to express anger so she channels it into Amazi-Girl, who is allowed to be angry and make demands and threats because both alters have decided it’s acceptable for Amazi-Girl to be angry.

          I think having a specific place where Amber is allowed to be angry and forceful would be healthy for her, and in a way where she doesn’t have to worry she can actually really hurt somebody, but more important than that is Amber learning that it’s acceptable for her to be angry, period.

        6. Leorale

          True. I had to learn in a therapist’s office by stomping on a tissue box and bursting into tears, but different skates for different mates.

  31. kkiten

    Sal! you almost did it. That’s step 1, now put in months and years of hanging out with that person and you will become friends.

    1. That Damn Rat

      You’ve kind of missed Sal’s point, she doesn’t need help making friends, she just doesn’t want to.

      1. TheAnonymousGuy

        I’m getting the feeling that its more of Marcie believes she’s sals only friend and she worried about her getting clingy or jealous over mercies “other interest” (hint: I’m talking about Malaya)

        1. Cerberus

          This. And Sal is deliberately missing Marcie’s point that Sal absolutely needs a friend (someone she can be emotionally intimate with and vulnerable with so that she isn’t just relying on Marcie for socialization and emotional support) by focusing more on the notion of friend (as someone who occupies space and spends time with a person).

          Hell, if that was what Sal needed, she’d already be good, because Carla has been deliberately hanging out with Sal more owing to her slight crush and it’s been implied that they’ve at least gotten on good enough terms that Sal’s been sharing parkour videos with her.

        2. Nono

          Wait, when was it shown that Carla had a crush on Sal?

        3. Cerberus

          Not explicit but hinted at in the blush Carla has at the last panels of this comic:
          http://www.dumbingofage.com/2014/comic/book-5/01-when-somebody-loved-me/humiliate/

          Especially as after that, Carla starts making more of a concentrated effort to hang out with Sal directly and is more inquisitive with regards to her life and emotional state.

        4. Cerberus

          Also, I’m reading a lot into the line she has here where she says “I’m into that” in the last panel here, especially in light to how much we know about how Carla is also a cards close to the chest girl when it comes to vulnerability (we’ve seen that in her interactions with Billie surrounding the Mary stuff):
          http://www.dumbingofage.com/2015/comic/book-5/02-threes-a-crowd/wall/

        5. modulusshift

          Hmm. I really don’t know. Carla definitely likes Sal, but I don’t know if that includes a romantic/sexual interest. Willis tends to offer more hints than that, I think, but that doesn’t rule this out. That’d be a really dang cool relationship if it happened, though. 🙂

        6. Jason

          I think you’re misreading the situation. Carla’s blush in that first example just looks like the way Willis colours her- his blushes tend to be rather more noticeable. I think she was just stunned.
          As for the “I’m into that”, she also says she’s into pranks and puts the “I’m better than you” persona front and centre. Saying she’s into sneering at people lines up with that.

          I would love to see both Sal and Carla build healthy relationships- but I don’t think there’s any interest between them for that. Actually I can’t think of anyone who would really be a great relationship match for Carla, in large part because it would either have to be poly/open, or with a lady with whom she can establish some other sort of sexual compromise.
          (But if we actually saw some healthy poly representation I would make the most unmanly noises of glee, seriously.)

        7. Rutee

          Also, let’s just cut to the chase – she identifieda s homoromantic before. Which sounds great to me, and whether as friends or lovers I want Sal/Carla.

        8. Nono

          I’m pretty sure those are her regular cheekblushes. If you go to the next comic they’re still there.

        9. John

          Carla always has those. Most characters always have them, in fact. Though, by odd coincidence, all three characters in today’s strip are on the short list of exceptions (which also includes Walky and Amazi-Girl – though not Amber). It’s just rosy cheeks, not a flush, which is depicted with darker red hatching.

        10. Dean

          I think you might be misreading it. Carla has a pinker skin tone than a lot of the other characters, so blushes are a bit less obvious.

    2. Idontcarenomore

      Agree, she just is not interested. There are people in the world who do not place high priorities on crowds of friends.
      I know, I am one.

  32. Kris

    Now in all fairness I’m sure that this isolated event was a spontaneous statistical anomaly. It’s literally impossible that Sal is that cool. It just so happens that Sal’s coolness is capable of altering universal laws in her favor to create a timeline where (Nichelle I believe she’s called? Who’s definitely gonna win the next comic poll by the way) would appear.

  33. newllend(henryvolt)

    Also what the hell was that? Is the only thing you have to do to get some recognition is to be hot and drive a motorcycle around town 24/7?

    1. That Damn Rat

      Usually, the motorcycle isn’t really needed.

      1. newllend(henryvolt)

        So what? Is the motorcycle just her gimmick…. matter of fact no it’s probably her identity.

        1. That Damn Rat

          I do not understand your reply, your initial statement appeared to be marveling at what little it took to gain recognition, (ie attractiveness+bike), and I was pointing out that most humans are even shallower than that and really only the attractiveness part of the equation was necessary, for intended comedic effect. Sorry I failed you.

    2. Cerberus

      Google dykes on bikes.

      Women on motorcycles tend to make a lot of queer girls come running… as we’ve seen with this girl… Carla… Billie… Becky…

      On that note, Joyce… 100% straight, eh?

      1. StClair

        Totally.
        She just wants to brush Sal’s hair. And nestle between Billie’s boobies.
        Forever.

        (Thing is, joking aside, I can actually frame/imagine those as (relatively) non-sexual desires on her part. I mean, to be warm and safe and comforted by physical contact and to engage in social grooming with someone who has amazing hair? What’s not to like?)

        1. Cerberus

          She definitely seems to have some queer platonic tendencies… though that just might be because her model for close friendship between girls was modeled with an in-the-closet lesbian with a massive crush on her. So yeah, probably canon-straight. But it’s fun to tease.

        2. StClair

          ah, you have a fair point as well.

  34. JessWitt

    Sal doesn’t need to make friends, she just doesn’t want any.

    1. newllend(henryvolt)

      Yeah I get it she only wants Marcie…but still.

  35. Rukduk

    Sal, you kinda just proved Marcie’s point in a way.

  36. ClaudeWicked

    That girl looks creepy to me. Her smile is way too wide to be just plain white imo.

    1. Palamdrone

      She has one tooth, and its huge!

      1. That Damn Rat

        Oh my Gods, she’s stolen Joyce’s mouth!

        1. Bagge

          Dorothy WANTED the Joyce-smile back. She should have clarified that she wanted Joyce to do the smiling.

  37. Palamdrone

    If you want to teach someone people are worth befriending, I can’t think of a worse example than Malaya.

    1. Svata

      Mary?

      1. Palamdrone

        You can at least be friends with Mary if you agree with her religious beliefs 100%. Malaya will consider you beneath her no matter what.

        1. Some1

          I would be friends with Mary, at least if I’m friends with her I can try to help change her.

        2. Palamdrone

          But then Mary wouldn’t consider you a friend.

        3. Sheason

          I don’t think Mary is capable of reasonable human emotion like “friendship” or anything like that. You’ve seen how Mary is. I’m pretty sure that to her, everyone is lumped into one of two categories:
          1) Sinners
          2) People who aren’t Christian enough.

        4. Some1

          Theres no such thing as someone who doesn’t have human emotions. Unless they have some mental disorder or other issue, and Mary could have some issue but we haven’t seen any proof of it.

  38. TheAnonymousGuy

    I want comment on marcy’s red eyes glowing in the distance, but I don’t have any reference besides vampires and demons and that’s to obvious. You guys got anything?

    1. Idontcarenomore

      Probably Sal’s cigarette tip glowing reflection in Marcie’s glasses.

    2. Tan

      Don’t forget cyborgs/robots.

      1. Dean

        Marcie is a Terminator, sent from the future by Skynet to make friends with Sal. John Connor is probably involved somewhere.

        1. tim gueguen

          Nah, she’s a Boomer, sent back in time by GENOM, because they somehow mistook Sal for Pris.

        2. Slartibeast Button, BIA

          Now I am casting the rest of the DoA characters…

    3. Tacos

      Laser eyes. Or she’s a cyborg. *nods*

  39. Idontcarenomore

    Malaya seems to be feeling a bit guilty for spending time with Malaya and pretty much ignoring Sal.
    She shouldn’t feel guilty, she has a life to live. But, she could maybe spend a bit more time with Sal, they’ve been best friends for ever. Then no more guilt and a happy friend.

    1. nothri

      Well, to be fair, Malaya pretty much has to spend time with herself. C:

    2. Leorale

      Could be guilt, but could just as easily be she’s sad for Sal, or tired of Sal bugging her to hang out all the time.

      1. Cerberus

        She’s just trying to solve Sal’s request of her given the mental reserves she has to give. Like, she physically can’t give more direct time, but roller derby is something she already makes time for, so inviting her in would solve what Sal requested which was “more time”.

        The problem is that what Sal said she wants and what she wants aren’t exactly the same thing and what she wants from Marcie, Marcie’s not really willing to give her (exclusively hanging out with her all the time because Sal doesn’t feel she can be vulnerable with anyone else and is going through a lot of feels of late).

  40. Bagge

    Oh god, I needed a strip that just made me laugh.

    I’m with you, Sal-fanclub-bystander. Fair enough indeed.

    I also love that Marcie actually did try to make friends between Sal and Malaya, and that it of course went about as well as can be expected.

    My hope is increasing that we will actually see roller derby stories in the future.

    1. Spencer

      I think it’s likely we see some roller derby, especially if the theory posted above that Amber joins up, since I also think it’s likely that Amber and Sal strike up some kind of camaraderie after the dust has settled between them.

  41. nothri

    To be fair, the inside of that girl’s mouth seemed to consist entirely of a white void. I’d probably avoid being her friend too. Just seems safer that way.

  42. Regalli

    … Oh shit we’re getting the Tragic Hinted-At Sal And Marcie Backstory, aren’t we?

    I HAVE BEEN WAITING OVER A YEAR FOR THE TRAGIC HINTED-AT BACKSTORY! 😀

    Also I think the reason the girl was willing to drop everything is because she thought that was a pickup line because I don’t know about you but I would totally drop everything to go on a date with Sal.

    1. Cerberus

      Yeah, I’m pretty sure rando girl totally thought “hang out” was a euphemism.

  43. Lan

    Who the hell… Please tell me she has a name. She looks like a Jillian or a Samantha.

  44. 6Qubed

    sal has cheat codes turned on

  45. Some1

    Sal really can’t make friends, she can make blind followers easily, but she has issue with making real friends. At least thats my take on her main problem. She wants to be with people who care about her, but at the same time don’t listen to her. This however is a limited group.

    1. Cerberus

      I would agree.

      And I think she’s in two minds about that. She doesn’t want the followers because that’s a shallow and a sycophantic thing and she doesn’t view herself as something particularly deserving of that level of intense praise. But she’s terrified of letting someone get close enough and intimate enough because she fears that once people realize she’s not the type of damaged that lets people just fix her according to their preferred method, they’ll either turn on her or abandon her.

      And so she doesn’t want to make the considerable effort (for her) to be vulnerable just to get the asshole Jason treatment of yelling at her, calling her stupid, and then refusing to actually engage with what she’s saying thrown back at her for the trouble. Also, learning about how she handles vulnerability just makes me despise that affront to teachers all the more.

      Honestly, as a teacher, Jason might make my 3rd place for worst male characters for how thoroughly he betrays his role as an educator and mentor to vulnerable students on every fucking level. Like the shit he pulls just infuriates me more and more the more damage I see that he’s done.

      1. Some1

        So either Jason’s worse than: the attempted rapist, the manipulative/wife beating father, or the guy who pulled out a shotgun on his daughter.

        1. Cerberus

          Ah, fuck, forgot Ryan in my mental list. Make that 4th worst.

        2. Some1

          What about John Brown, the homophobic ass who skims money from the poor? Plus we haven’t technically seen him yet, but Ruth’s grandfather is pretty heavily implied to be an asshole.

        3. Cerberus

          Hmmm, the guy on the other end of Ruth’s phone call who makes Ruth call him “sir” and belittles her to the point of suicidal alcoholism definitely edges Jason out, but I’d have to have a strong think on whether or not John’s victim-blaming, homophobic, poor theft is worse than Jason’s absolute betrayal of everything that a teacher is supposed to be (note, I’m biased as hell because I’m a teacher).

          I’ll revise Jason to Top 10 worst so I can leave room for potential future awful dude characters and because we haven’t yet seen how John has fucked Joyce over with her mom.

        4. Jason

          I would say Penny is a worse teacher than Jason. One thing we’ve seen of him is that he WANTS to be a good teacher. And right now he’s trying to be better. Unfortunately the person he reached out to was Walky, which… Backfired.
          Penny? Her attitude is “it doesn’t matter, just make sure the people with power like you and you can get away with shit”. We haven’t seen her teaching style, but that attitude alone, vs Jason’s, speaks volumes to me.

          I’m not defending Jason’s terrible early practices. I do, however, feel that we need to remember his attempts and desire to improve. I also feel that we need to remember that everyone screws up. (Says the guy training to be a counsellor. Part of the training involves learning to admit you screwed up and carry it.)

        5. Some1

          Penny: Goodbye, love. I’m going to kill you. Cut you to pieces, and fuck you , in whichever order. Lets make it a surprise for both of us.

          Joe: Really ruing the moment here Penny.

        6. Rutee

          He is, like, 20. Maybe 22. He’s a Dumb too. He’s not Leslie – Leslie has finished her relevant job training. She has a bunch of experience. She RECEIVED that job training. Jason is quite patently teaching himself how to be a teacher. I’m not angry at him, even if he fucked up Sal a bit.

  46. Shiro

    I sense impending Sal/Joyce hangouts? 😀 😀 :D?

  47. AgentKeen

    Sal can definitely get it, yes.

  48. Arianod

    Sal no

  49. Derek

    everyone is gay for Sal!!

    1. Some1

      Sal’s so hot, she turned me into a lesbian, and I’m a guy!

      1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

        So Sal is the genderflipped version of Jacob?

        1. inqntrol

          So Jacob can turn straight girls into gay guys?

        2. Clif

          I have no idea how that would work, and I’m fine with that.

        3. Jason

          Apparently I’m the only person who’s just “meh” about Jacob? Visually, I mean.
          He’s a decent guy, clearly intelligent and nice- although most of my attachment to the character comes from Shortpacked!. His personality works for me. But physically?
          Meh.

  50. Mav

    Eh, i think there are different people that require different types of friendships. Like some people want to hang out all the time, and when they don’t for a while they feel distant. Others might see that distance as necessary alone time, like the friends you might see every few weeks but you’re still cool with each other. Other people just don’t care as much, and like being alone, and that’s okay too.

    I’ve been in a similar situation where i became pretty attached to the one friend (that i had known her since we were kids is v. relevant because i was comfortable with her), stuff happened (read: she met her SO) and she wasn’t as available, but it was serendipitous not just because it forced me to make other friends, but particularly it forced me to learn to open up to other people and open up to the idea that other people actually cared about me (besides her, I mean) enough to care about me, too. Oh, college.

    It’s funny because in that process a lot of people who I met have told me I first struck them as stand-offish/unreadable/unapproachable, heheh…it doesn’t help that my resting/neutral feelings face looks mad and my angry face looks even worse.

    1. BenRG

      Can I call you ‘RL Sal’ from now on? I only ask because that sounds exactly like what is happening with her.

      1. Mav

        Haha, I see a lot of myself in Sal. Minus the criminal transgressions, a lot of my emotional stuff was turned more inward.

  51. OsterGuard

    Man, roller derby Sal would be so cool.

    1. Spencer

      http://dumbingofage.tumblr.com/post/86905281092/itswalky-cleansing-my-brain-before-sleepytime#notes

  52. Teddae

    Yeah Sal i can totes relate to you. Except you’re way cooler

  53. Some1

    What about Danny? Danny is a friend!

  54. motorfirebox

    “You need to learn how to make friends that you actually like.“

  55. BenRG

    Marcie long ago learned how to accuse Sal without a word! It is very, very effective!

    I can’t help but wonder just what strange places that Sal’s attempt to prove that she can make friends will take her. Possibily even to Amber.

  56. Larkle

    That’s not making friends, Sal. You have to actually follow through on the hanging out for it to qualify.

  57. Cerberus

    Shame, Sal isn’t gay, she could pull so many girls with her whole dykes on bikes getup. I mean, let’s see, we’ve had Joyce, Becky, this girl, Carla… all drooling over her and her bike at one point or another.

    But among the boys all she’s pulling is Dweeby McCreepster-Abuser.

    1. inqntrol

      Maybe the boys from Indiana aren’t into rides…just saying.

  58. Cerberus

    I’m actually really genuinely curious what tragic event or hangup is making her so hesitant to donning skates and joining roller derby. Because, yeah, she can skate, we’ve seen that when she showed up Carla:
    http://www.dumbingofage.com/2014/comic/book-5/01-when-somebody-loved-me/humiliate/

    And this would be the solution to the Marcie time problem. So there must be some reason besides stubbornness that’s got Sal so resistant to this idea.

    Wild speculation, but maybe Sal and Marcie got in a skating accident and that’s part of how she ended up mute and Sal is scared that if she skates with Marcie again that’ll happen again…

    I dunno, but I doubt whatever is the reason, it’s not as simple as we’re being lead to believe.

    1. Owlmirror

      I dunno; it may just be that Sal is kinda-but-not-entirely asocial.

      Being on a roller derby team means trusting and working with other people, most of whom are not Marcie, and Sal just doesn’t want to do that.

      1. Cerberus

        That also makes sense, but it really does seem like there’s something specific to the skates in addition to that.

        1. Spencer

          I think it really is just that Sal doesn’t want to join because being part of something means opening up. Her being good on skates is just because Sal’s a physical powerhouse. Joining a team and making friends means admitting that driving really fast on a motorcycle and hanging around with Marcie in a parking lot and drinking isn’t working for her.

        2. JQuire

          I dunno..I’m with Cerberus on this one. The kinds of moves that Sal shows off coupled with the overbearing show mom she’s got makes me think that she was in some kind of figure skating activity (I swear it exists for roller skates too!).

          Maybe Sal was the Suya Bonaly of the Indiana roller skating world?

        3. Spencer

          Oh huh, I didn’t even think of that. That would fit really well with Linda’s character and why Sal was so against roller blading specifically.

          I think a lot of it is that Sal hates the idea of proving herself to people at all, though, since that’s something she’s been trying to do all her life.

        4. JQuire

          The proving herself thing didn’t occur to me, but YES. Yes. Exactly.

    2. BenRG

      If you don’t hang out with anyone, then you can’t make friends. If you don’t make friends, then they can’t betray you. If there’s no-one to betray you, then you can’t get hurt.

      Sal has been hurt a lot in her life and I think that the credo that I summarise above is her strategy for avoiding ever letting it happen to her again. She only trust Marcie because they’ve been as close as two peas in a pod since their young childhood. I suspect that this is why she dislikes Malaya so much (other than the other girl’s… er… ‘winning personality‘) – She thinks that she’s going to make Marcie betray her too.

    3. Charles Phipps

      Sal doesn’t want any friend but Marcie. Marcie wants some friends other than Sal. Sal…doesn’t like this.

      1. Cerberus

        Definitely agree. Sal’s happy with a singular co-dependent friendship. Marcie’s not.

      2. StClair

        This, and also what BenRG said just above.

    4. DinaWho

      True, it would give her more time with Marcie, but I’m not sure if it’s the kind of time that Sal wants. Sal wants Sal-and-Marcie time, but roller derby involves other people. It’d be Sal-and-Marcie-and-the-rest-of-the-team time, or since Malaya plays, Sal-and-Marcie-and-the-rest-of-the-team-and-Malaya time. (Malaya gets her own category because of how much she and Sal Do Not Get Along)

    5. Teddae

      Well, for me personally, it isn’t so much of a tragic event as it is a slew of events. Over the years people have left me or betrayed me or ignored me so much, even those I considered close, that I stopped giving a shit about making friends. So yeah, maaaayyyybbeeee Sal has been through something similar.

  59. acher4

    Ohhhh, i want a tag for that girl. :/

    1. BenRG

      “Sal Anonymous Fangirl #1”

    2. inqntrol

      “Walky’s feminine version”.

  60. KSClaw

    Maybe if Marcie had done it herself from the beginning, instead of sending Malaya, Sal would be a bit more interested in at least trying it out? Forcing someone to socialize, if they’re not that kind of person, is not going to work. I’ve been there, and it’s the fricking worst, especially if you feel like you’re better off with only one friend or on your own. And Sal makes exceptions to reach out herself, but it’s very clear that trying to force her into things makes her more stubborn.

    TL:DR; Marcie needs a better looking carrot.

    1. Cerberus

      But Marcie sent the best-looking carrot she knows, I mean, look how hot Malaya she thinks Malaya is and… ohhhh, yeah, I see where she screwed up.

  61. Zaxares

    That’s awesome and all, Sal, but you need to learn to distinguish between real friends and fanbois/girls. 😉

  62. Charles Phipps

    Why does everyone make it complicated? Marcie is Sal’s only friend and isn’t allowed to have any friends.

  63. Emily

    I still cannot understand how Sal is so popular. Like she’s “cool” but only if you have a high school level barometer for coolness which is why it makes sense for Joyce to be falling all over her but not at all for anyone else.

    1. Spencer

      Because she’s a heavily idealized version of cool that a bunch of college freshman would find appealing, and also it’s a clever visual metaphor for how Sal can attract superficial praise while being too scared to open up to anybody.

      It’s not like everyone buys into her persona. Malaya and Carla give her shit all the time, Sarah doesn’t have any patience for her, Walky doesn’t bend over backwards for her even though he’s unintentionally contributed to her issues, and even Joyce has come out of her fangirling.

    2. StClair

      A lot of these kids are only one semester out of high school.

    3. Rutee

      Good lord in heaven. The cast is /just out of high school/.

  64. spriteless

    I didn’t even realize that I was waiting for this plot thread. My god, there are layers to the cliffhangers. Wheels within wheels. This might motivate Sal to want to get closer to Dan, which will trigger the Amber plot, which I can only hope will cause Mike to do something.

  65. anonymsly

    Actually, you know who doesn’t seem to care one way or another about Sal so far? Dorothy! And Dorothy DID invite her out to lunch because she wants to get to know her boyfriend’s sister. (And out of guilt over the tiny care package.)

    Dorothy would make a good friend for Sal, I think, for similar reasons that she’s a good friend for Joyce. She respects without necessarily buying in, and her caring is always very genuine.

    1. ischemgeek

      Dorothy gives zero shits about being cool and never has.

      Likewise with Dina.

      Therefore, both of them would make good Sal friends. Alternatively Joyce now that she’s started wearing her anger on her sleeve a bit more and is showing more of her genuine self to those around her (seriously I do not believe that Joyce just all of the sudden got that angry. I grew up in a home with a similar culture minus the fundie bits and yeah – I didn’t realize how angry I was until I was in a place where I actually could express anger. Like, the conservative social mores thing is that girls shouldn’t be angry ever. If you get angry ever it’s a bad thing, a sign that you’re not Doing Girl well enough because a good girl doesn’t get angry). Sal seems to like Joyce a lot more when Who Joyce Really Is peaks out behind the Bubbly God-Bothering Well-Meaning Bigot facade her parents demanded she erect.

      Once you get somewhere where you can let yourself feel angry, you realize that you have a whole well of buried rage about all of the everything you were not allowed to even express mild annoyance over.

      People stuck in that sort of situation tend either to engage in Mean Girls style bullshit (the route one of my sisters took), to become suuuuper passive aggressive (the route my mother took), or to pull a Joyce bottle it up until they have a slow, ongoing ragesplosion for a few months or years (the route I took) and then they can either become violent assholes a la Amazi-Girl or they can figure out how to manage anger in a healthy way (Jocelyne comes to mind here – she knows what Joyce needs when too well to not have gone through the ragesplosion phase). Or somewhere in between, being someone with a well-known bad temper but who isn’t physically violent (this was me for a while, but I’ve been learning to reign in my temper and express anger over stuff without taking it out on people).

      1. Austyn

        All of this!!!!

  66. thumb

    Can’t argue with results.

  67. Liliet

    …Points for effort?

    Penalty for bad target selection. Honestly, Sal, you’ve got to be pickier than that.

    …ironic, isn’t it

  68. Willoughby Chase

    Love the looks in the last panel.

  69. Josh

    Un-shown next panel:
    Marcie signs, “Watch this? All I saw was you grab a girl, she smiled, and you let her go. For all I know she said, ‘Please don’t kill me’.
    Deaf, remember?”

    1. Tenn

      MarcieIsMuteNotDeaf.gif

  70. Jhon

    @some1 “guy who pulled out a shotgun on his daughter.”

    NOT a shotgun. And this is important WHY? Because Willis went to great pains to show us a distinctive single shot rifle. Absolutely the worst thing Ross could have chosen if a murder spree was on his mind.

    You don’t get that sort of thing from B grade webcomic artists.

    1. Teddae

      woah.

      i know and trust willis is a really, really good writer as shown in this webcomic, but damn.

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