182

NOT April Fools
Posted on April 1, 2013 by David M Willis
Speaking of April and Fools, I just paid for the last bit of The Huge And Horrific Tuition and OH HEY THAT’S ALL MY MONEY, so I have a new store code.  Just type OHCRAP into the coupon code box during any transaction and you get 15% off any order and I get to pay rent next month.  So if you want Dumbing of Age books or commissioned art or Joyce & Walky! strips, it’s the best discount there’s ever been. Also, Wednesday is my birthday.  Honestly.  No April Fools.  Just puttin' that out there.

182 thoughts on “NOT April Fools”

  1. Jen Aside

    Oh.

    1. xain

      so umm …. you interested in being my beard?

      1. GoldStarz

        I don’t know, sounds like it might get hairy.

        1. Skull025

          And there’s a shitload of bacon to pick out of it.

        2. Neospector

          When is a shitload of bacon ever a bad thing?

        3. dcmeserve

          When a load of bacon is metaphorically linked to excrement, doesn’t sound so good to me…

        4. Suilean Dubh

          It’s in someone’s beard! It’s gonna have hair on it.
          And possibly other things. Lice perhaps. Or dandruff. Beard sweat.
          Other food that doesn’t go well with bacon.

        5. Josh

          No food doesn’t go well with bacon.

        6. xain

          true but i would hardly consider beard sweat food

        7. Blob Marley

          Yeah, beard sweat is obviously a beverage.

        8. Kelly

          The situation looks bad, but I am sure there is a way to shave it!

        9. Nono

          It’ll be fine, no need to split hairs about the whole thing.

        10. thomas0comer

          This is getting to be one gnarly comment chain.

        11. tyren22

          And it just keeps on growing.

        12. Yotomoe

          What weird thread have I stubbled upon now?

        13. Azukar

          I mustache myself though, how this could possibly end well.

        14. Nono

          Chinstrap yourself in, this might not end well.

        15. Mr. Random

          Nothing will be able to shave them, once Amazi-girl learns what’s happening.

        16. Plasma Mongoose

          Puns like these always get my goatee. 😀

        17. Wonder Wig

          I comb here as the cutting edge expert in the field of everything hair-based to approve of this thread.

        18. Kernanator

          I hope this storyline gets kicked into high gear soon. If not, Willis is going toupee.

        19. Plasma Mongoose

          Just as long as the story doesn’t get too merkin.

        20. Aeyt

          It shouldn’t be too bad. They only had the one pubic display of affection. We’ll see though. hell hath no furry like a woman scorned

        21. Shobo

          Man, I love these puns. You guys should comb over sometime.

        22. dcmeserve

          And here is a bald-faced attempt to keep this thread going…

        23. Mogotoo

          I dunno, the tension here seems to me to have been cut too short.

        24. Notebooked

          That’s all, follicles!

    2. vanjealous

      HIRSUTE! These puns are mere folli-cle.

      1. ZeFrenchTickler

        This thread has me by the short and curlies.

    3. Ivan

      Gay? He doesn’t look very gay / care-free in panels 2 or 4.

      1. cassie

        c-c-c-combo breaker!

  2. Juliecat

    Joyce seems to be taking this well.

    1. otusasio451

      Give her a second.

      1. Tom T.

        Wait and see if Sarah shows up with a baseball bat.

        1. Heavensrun

          Wait for it….

        2. Resne

          She’ll probably show up with the bat, poke both of them, and say “About damn time.”

    2. tbf

      Why wouldn’t she? She doesn’t have to fear him assaulting her or her giving into her own temptations. Disappointed once it sinks in? Maybe. But that’s not the worst thing for a guy she’s been dating less than a week to tell her.

      1. Skull025

        The worst thing he could tell her is “I’m Gaytheist.”
        That’s the double whammy right there.

        1. tyren22

          Well he IS Jewish, that’s almost as bad. 😛

        2. timemonkey

          Nah, Joyce dates lots of jewish guys. Heck, she dates mostly jewish guys.

        3. Ancestral Hamster

          IIRC, her dates at IU so far have all been Jewish boys. So she’s batting 1000.

        4. Kidrik

          Fundies love the jews though?

        5. MandibleBones

          Fundies love the Jews in the same way the internet loves cats. They’re adorable, but you don’t want to have sex with one (and if you do, FFS don’t tell me).

        6. james

          Soooo you don’t believe in gays……

    3. CanvasWolfDoll

      well, to be fair, considering her dialogue in panel four, her supposed boyfriend being into dudes is probably no longer the worst possibility for her.

      or the worst…

      so, as otusasio said, ‘Give her a second.’

  3. typo

    yay for ripping off band-aids

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      I just hope it didn’t reopen up any wounds in the process.

      1. Tehya

        Either way I am sure they would be able to patch things up, and leave too big of scars.

  4. Broken Products

    Well, that declined rather quickly.

    1. Yotomoe

      It’s always darkest before the dawn.

      1. Roborat

        Not where I live it isn’t.

    2. Kelly

      +1

  5. Mkvenner

    Well done Willis. I wasn’t really expecting that.

    1. Nightmarewarden

      I never would’ve guessed that Ethan was gay!
      No, bad sarcasm! Bad!

      Gotta say, I too am surprised that Ethan revealed it this early. I thought this would’ve been stretched into several more strips. I am incredibly glad it wasn’t, but still.

      1. Saru

        Just wait, it’ll be an April Fools dream sequence.

      2. tyren22

        I feel like drawing it out would’ve been pointless unless he was just gonna not do it at all. I think Joyce’s reaction as the fact sinks in will last at least another page or two. I read Joyce’s “oh” as an “I have no idea how to react to this. Wait for it…”

        I also started every sentence in this post with “I.” I should stop doing that. I don’t feel like it though.

  6. Yotomoe

    Ethan’s flinching because he’s afraid of Joyce’s monstrous strength.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      At least she doesn’t have a glass in her hand.

  7. licoricepencil

    Joyce’s eyes in the last panel. They’re so… big.

    1. slicedtoad

      And her pupils are changing sizes rapidly. I’d say she’s on drugs, but that would have the opposite effect

      1. KingStarscream

        Judging by the look on her face in that last panel, she’s probably slightly aroused.

        1. xain

          are you looking at the same panel I am?

  8. Plasma Mongoose

    “Oh is that all? We can cure that with the power of Christ and lots of salt”.

    1. alicemacher

      “Saltpeter, that is. Also lots of cold showers.”

      1. Kelly

        >Saltpeter

        That reminds me:

        >Amnesia dust!
        -Why is it black?
        >Because it’s gunpowder.
        -It’s *what?!*
        >See, you’ve already forgotten.
        *BOOM!*
        >Now, what were we-
        ~Brothers, are you safe? It sounded like someone’s amnesia dust took light.

        1. HEYOUGUYZ!

          found it.

          #577 So Many Warriors

        2. Kelly

          Yes! You win the prize!

    2. Yotomoe

      And to get the salt, all we have to do is have someone to look on Sodom and Gomorah!

    3. Kirt Dankmyer

      aka “Pray the Gay Away”

      Because a disturbing doctrine is even better when it *rhymes*

  9. Kernanator

    Hurray for anti-climaxes!

    1. timemonkey

      The only kind of climax Ethan’s girlfriends can look forward to!

    2. audkitten6

      That comment and that gravatar. 🙂

    3. Plasma Mongoose

      That’s because the penny hasn’t dropped yet. *Looks up in the sky to see if Penny will indeed drop in or not*

      1. timemonkey

        Depends on if she’s pissed off Sal.

      2. Kernanator

        Man, I hope so. I like her.

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          The only problem I see with your new gravatar is that Joyce’s mean face chances the tone of your comments.

        2. Aydr

          That gravatar is pretty awesome. It just screams “I’m gonna show that bongo my hat.”

        3. Plasma Mongoose

          Thanks! If you saw today’s Shortpacked!, you will find out that her grin says “I can cream pie you with my third hand”.

    4. brumagem

      Probably the only climax that will happen between Ethan and Joyce.

  10. Wonder Wig

    “I’m gay,” is also the shortest sentence which is neither a fragment or a random word.

    1. thomas0comer

      Technically an imperative sentence such as “Go,” with the unspoken ‘you’ as the subject, would be shorter.
      Even “I am gay” could be pared down to “I am.”

    2. GoldStarz

      What about “I am.”?

    3. Totz the Plaid

      “I’m bi.” is one letter shorter.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        “Nos da” (Good night) is the shortest sentence in Welsh.

        1. Makkabee

          Thomas0comer is right about the shortest sentence in English, but even if we limit ourselves to declaratives and disqualify sentences with implied words (“I am” implies a predicate nominative, except in specilized cases where “to be” means “to exist,” and you need more context to make that meaning clear) “I win!” is still one character shorter than “I’m bi.”

        2. Raen

          “I win” should really be “I’ve won,” shouldn’t it?

        3. Gears

          “I’ve won” says it happened in the past. “I win” says its something that I continue to do, like “I shower” or “I walk my dog on thursdays.”

      2. TPman

        But “bi” is only a short form of “bisexual”. If we stick to proper words, then it’s still off the table.

    4. The1exile

      I do?

    5. Mogotoo

      Do. Be. Go.
      LIVE. LOVE.

  11. Mr Soviet

    I’m kind of waiting for the big explosion that’s going to be Joyce rage and religious stuff, but I have this odd feeling that shes just going to walk away from this and start bawling her eyes out with out any of that.

  12. Count Dracula

    Jesus christ, panel four looks like she’s going to have a legitimate panic attack. There’s quite a bit of Joyce-hate in the comments sometimes, but from me: much sympathy.

    1. Mogotoo

      I think I’ve seen that face before in It’s Walky!. Someone had just died.
      September 28, 2004.

  13. Ragnal

    Just…”oh”?

    …she’s taking this easier than I thought. >_> We’re SURE this isn’t April Fools?

    1. timemonkey

      Joyce’s typical response to things that shatter her worldview is to stare wide eyed and stammer short phrases, may also switch to babbling constantly.

      I wonder if Dorothy’s Best Friend Sense will tingle?

    2. Sporky

      Well, if she thought he was cheating on her or something, maybe him being gay is a relief in comparison.

      1. xain

        if so she’ll either decide to fix him with her twat or will decide she likes having a male friend who’s motives she wont have to second guess

        1. Yotomoe

          I imagine if you said twat to Joyce, she’d need Dorothy to explain to her what that is after which she’d turn beet red.

        2. Makkabee

          That reminds me of a story a friend of mine told be about her ex, who’d been in the US Marine Corps and had this exchange with a female marine:

          Female marine: Hello, twit.
          Male marine: Hello, twat.
          Female marine:

        3. Jereko

          NO. You can’t leave it there. FINISH IT.

    3. Kidrik

      I’m betting she ends up taking it better than Amber did.

  14. Mo

    Not what I was expecting … but let’s see where this goes.

  15. Kelly

    Yay! I always wanted to be part of one of the comment pun chains, and now I am!

  16. Uniqueantique

    Cool! Good job. Ethan finally has done the right thing by Joyce. So now I can stop wondering what is going on with him, and wonder whether Joyce is going to explode, hide, or hit him. There are times I do feel sorry for Joyce, she is not mean and does not try to hurt others. But other times I just want to kick her butt over her shoulder to get her attention. She just walks right into these situations wide eyed and unheeding.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      She did hire Mike to punch Joe in the face if he even thought to get frisky with her.

      1. gangler

        Oh, but that doesn’t count because she’s Christian and she tries to see the good in everybody.

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          Sounds like the sort of excuse they used in the Crusades.

        2. TPman

          I think it was more that she rationalized Mike as a defensive measure. Mike wasn’t supported to punch Joe unless he acted inappropriately. In that way Joyce could rationalize that Mike was the one carrying out the violence and Joe was the one instigating it, and therefore she herself was innocent.

        3. gangler

          She joined in on the violence once Joe glanced at Conquest’s breasts.

    2. Chaucer59

      Yeah. I’ll reserve judgment. I just hope she doesn’t respond with, “We can pray that away.”

      1. Yotomoe

        What if it backfires and she prays her straightness away and realizes Dorothy is the girl of her dreams.

        1. SUGauthor

          Then all we can do is pray that joe is there to witness that event.

        2. Plasma Mongoose

          Who cares about Joe, the only thing that matters is that WE get to witness it.

        3. Heavensrun

          Welcome aboard my ship, Yotomoe. Here is your complimentary bib and plastic pirate sword. Entrees are served on the deck at 6.

      2. Kirt Dankmyer

        That was sort of my thinking, yeah.

  17. JA

    Aaaaaaand Joyce will either BSOD or explain that she still likes Ethan as a person, but that he will burn in hell when he dies.

  18. Wack'd

    He IS still taking advantage of her in a way. So she’s not wrong.

  19. ridtom

    Good god, it looks like Jouce was about to descend into madness there for a second.

    1. ridtom

      *Joyce

      1. Eriennexton

        *Jowce

        1. Chronos

          *Jeice… mates

        2. Kelly

          Recoom!

          *absurd pose*

    2. Maycroft

      I think she descended there a loooooong time ago.

      1. begbert2

        Looks to me like she was raised there.

  20. KikiKoala

    So… Am I the only one who’s heart hurt a little bit at Joyce’s mention of her getting drugged? That that’s one of the first things she automatically assumes?

    1. Aydr

      I don’t think she was saying she assumed that he’d drugged her. But… yeah, it’s sad that’s one of the first things she thinks of, but of course it is. She was assaulted last week.

    2. e.e.mc

      no it is sad… she’s only just getting to open her mind through college, especially with boys, and all of her experiences thus far have been not quite in her favor

  21. augustdrake

    Joyce has lived her whole life in a Jesus bubble and has probably never even met a gay person before.

    1. sun tzu

      Oh, I’m sure she’s meet a lot of gay people.
      Just not openly gay ones.

  22. JoeMerl

    And yet, sadly, Ethan is still the best love interest Joyce has had in this series.

    1. Uncle Rylon

      Well, it’s only been like two and a half weeks.

  23. Aydr

    She’s so shocked that the revelation has deformed her right hand.

    1. Kemp

      Yikes.

    2. Jessie

      …and this is the point where everyone scrolls back to the top and loses the thread.

  24. HotRider

    ….and I was wrong. But its one of the few times I’ve been glad to be wrong, Good Job Ethan!

  25. Notebooked

    This may actually come as a relief for Joyce — she’s been worrying about what’s wrong with her and why this relationship doesn’t seem right. She may still be dissappointed (to be revealed in future pages), but it may be good of her to know that this isn’t because of her, it’s because of him.

    1. Wixvhen

      You’re forgetting that Grace is a hardcore christian and probably isn’t accepting of the fact that his sexuality is by nature and not choice, or that it’s just a ‘phase’.

      1. timemonkey

        Who is Grace?

        1. JA

          Joyce’s even more fundamentalist twin sister.

        2. David

          who is grace indeed

        3. Kernanator

          Haha, it’s funny because the blonde serious girl in timemonkey’s avatar is named Grace.

          THAT’S RIGHT, I EXPLAINED THE JOKE. WHAT NOW?

        4. timemonkey

          Is that who she is? I know I asked the dsay after I started commenting here but I still don’t think I’ve ever seen ehr in the comic. I just kinda like ehr expression. She could get in a glaring contest with your gravitar!

      2. Notebooked

        Either I’ve missed something or Grace is a typo, but assuming that Grace is a typo for Joyce, that’s true. However, she has recently had a pretty big heart-to-heart with an atheist, and although it may take a bit longer to reconcile this experience with her beliefs, this may mean she’s gotten closer to realizing people are people behind their beliefs. (Although maybe she thinks sexual orientation is another matter altogether, which may be the case given she’s often so annoyed with Joe for premarital hanky-panky.)

        I get what you mean, but Joyce does seem to try to do best by people — the problem is that she thinks she knows what’s best for them. I think, or hope, that her reaction will be of acceptance but also telling him her thoughts on the matter, possibly giving him some websites or recommending literatures that can help with “dealing with that sort of thing”. Of course, I may be wrong and her reaction may be more severe.

  26. Zababcd

    I’m sorry, my comment today only works with pictures.

    Here it is.

    1. Dr.Z

      Wow.

      Good eye!

  27. Sir Robin

    She got that look where she is thinking “so that is what one looks like?”

  28. Broggly

    Cool, it’s my birthday on wednesday too!

  29. Jimmy

    It looks like she’s about to grab her own boobs in the 4th panel.

    1. Roborat

      Well, her tits probably needed calming again.

    2. Plasma Mongoose

      Well, sweater pups are easily agitated you know. 😀

  30. Dr.Z

    The way Ethan is wincing in the last panel is adorable.

    Poor man.

    What did he think Joyce was going to do to him?

    1. begbert2

      Maybe he heard about what happened to Joe.

      1. Dr.Z

        Good point!

  31. Ryan Balis

    being gay he’s the perfect boyfriend for Joyce. He will never ask for sex, will always be there for her and she gets to talk about stuff that she wouldn’t say to other guys.

  32. ZeFrenchTickler

    No. Wednesday is MY birthday, Willis. Back off.

    1. begbert2

      There can be only one.

      1. Zababcd

        Which means that there must be an absolute maximum of 366 people in the world at any one time.

    2. Dr.Z

      Happy Birthday, ZFT!

      (Preemptively, as my memory is a sad, incapable thing.)

    3. Fuzzlepuzzle

      Wait, but I thought it was my birthday… D:

      1. ZeFrenchTickler

        THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!!

  33. dropded

    In the ‘missing the point’ department: I like how Walky gets a tag for having the tiniest bit of his heel in the first panel.

  34. davidbreslin101

    Have to say, I’m impressed- with both Ethan and Willis. The easy thing to do would’ve been to spin the almost-but-not-quite-saying-it scenario out for at least another four weeks.

  35. bunivasal

    “But you don’t wear feather boas, or hunt boy scouts! You’re not a gay!”

  36. Romanticide

    I would say Joyce really is intense but that would be underestimating Joyce… XD

  37. Martigro

    If Joyce pulls the “well, I can help you become str8 card”…
    Well, I’d still read to see what happens after that.

    1. begbert2

      Probably just dragging him to her church. She likely has the below Chick Tract, after all.

  38. Plasma Mongoose

    I wonder if there is a Chick Tract for such a situation…

    1. Sir Robin

      I’d be willing to be money that there probably is

      1. Sir Robin

        http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0084/0084_01.asp

        1. Martigro

          WHY DID I CLICK ON THAT LINK?
          I KNEW EXACTLY WHAT TO EXPECT

        2. Kernanator

          I really shouldn’t click on this. I don’t want to be angry today.

          …

          *clicks on it anyway*

          MOTHER OF SHIT.

        3. jason

          that was… … … odd? i’m trying to be polite… i don’t think itsgoingtoworkholyshitfuckjackasswhatthehellarethesedipshitsthinking….sorry spazzed out for a sec there…

        4. Plasma Mongoose

          Chick Tracts: The ultimate feel-good comic… *coughs*bullshit*couchs*

        5. Lukkai

          Can’t really make out whether this is a hilarious parody…

          …or the dumbest piece of mindless, insulting, lying (and unchristian) bullshit I’ve ever seen.

        6. Kelly

          Oh, Chick Tracts are unfortunately all too serious…

        7. Lukkai

          daaaaamn…

          There goes another little piece of “Believe in mankind” right down the drain.

  39. ajm5007

    Cue well-intended suggestion that Ethan’s homosexuality can be cured in 3, 2, . . .

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      What Joyce would recommend.

  40. Rogue of Space

    So very close to Breaking The Cutie, if her face in panel 3 is anything to go by.

    1. Rogue of Space

      Wait, 3 and 4. My bad.

  41. newllend

    That’s it I was hopeing for more of a reaction

  42. Onion

    The plane has crashed.

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