124

Nothingburger
Posted on January 19, 2020 by David M Willis

124 thoughts on “Nothingburger”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    they can smell shenanigans

    1. He Who Abides

      Welcome back.

      1. Clif

        The world can return to its proper axis, which ie somehow comforting.

    2. Whitt

      So is Ana Chronistic Willis’ spouse or something?

      1. King Daniel

        Ana Chronistic, Jen Aside, and Sue Aside are all aspects of one who has discovered how to transcend the laws of time, but uses this knowledge for the sole purpose of being first in webcomic comment sections.

        1. Jon Rich

          And making name puns.

        2. He Who Abides

          I’m waiting for her fourth identical twin cousin Misty Meanor to show up.

    3. Roborat

      Probably just the vomit.

  2. Slartibeast Button, BIA

    So, no pillar of salt upcoming?

    1. bryy

      Considering all the different storylines are happening at the same time(?), I’d wager we have at least another week.

    2. Reltzik

      SOMEONE’s gotta be salty about Mike’s death, right?

      …. right?

      1. Dana

        Too soon. Or not soon enough?

        1. Felix

          Both. And neither.

        2. Clif

          Mike who?

        3. Charlie Spencer

          I hope that’s explained while I still remember who he is / was.

      2. Needfuldoer

        We don’t know he’s dead yet.

        Maybe when he hit the ground he just lost all his nickels, like Sonic losing his rings.

        1. HMH

          Well, at least now we understand his ceaseless quest to fuck every mother.

    3. Charles Phipps

      I find it kind of bizarre both our minds went to Sodom and Gomorrah.

      1. Kamino Neko

        It was obviously intentional – check the alt text.

      2. Jim

        The obvious difference is that I doubt the women of the floor intend to inflict violence on Ruth, as the men in Genesis 19 intended on Lot’s guests…

    4. Dave

      I, too, went immediately to Sodom and Gomorrah.

    5. ReFlex76

      I’m pretty sure the Ruth in The Bible comes from a different book.

      1. King Daniel

        The Book of R.A.s?

  3. Passchendaele

    they demand a sacrifice

    1. ValdVin

      Worst gender-flipped Three Wise Men update ever.

      1. Deanatay

        If they offer Ruth gifts, then I’ll buy it. They don’t even have to be gold, frankincense, and myrrh.

        1. Ryek Hvek

          Acapulco Gold, Frank’n’Beans, and Myrrth

        2. Needfuldoer

          A gold medallion, franincense shampoo, and a Nintendo DS.

  4. Suet

    Whattaburger? Nothingburger.

    When you say, “stuffed in their rooms“, I say, prime time to hear things from other rooms.

    1. Bicycle Bill

      “Stuffed in their rooms” is different than “getting stuffed in their rooms”.
      And I know — shame on me for saying that.

  5. Agemegos

    Yeah, but Lucy is creepy.

    1. Keulen

      I find Beatrice, Nash, and Rose far more creepy at this point. They’re way too obsessed with anything involving Billie.

      1. HMH

        I think it’s partially that we have less context for them, though. I don’t feel like I intuitively know who these people are yet, even though they’re characters I’m sure I’ve seen, so they still don’t feel human and so like, I’m not really judging their behavior on that level yet, in a rational sense.

    2. Kamino Neko

      The entire frigging quad is creepy. (Except maybe their RA…she hasn’t showed up enough to say anything.)

      1. Freemage

        Zaph seems pretty chill.

        1. Kamino Neko

          Oh, yeah, he exists, too. And he’s not here, so he’s provisionally on the ‘not creepy’ list.

  6. Stephen Bierce

    Derber Or Nothing

    I’d make a reference to the current Twitter feud between BK and Wendy’s but that sounds like work.

  7. NF

    “Quick Ruth, out the window!”

    1. Clif

      Close. “Quick, I need you to leave out the window.”
      http://www.dumbingofage.com/2014/comic/book-5/01-when-somebody-loved-me/fuckup/

  8. Sirksome

    Oh ho ho ho! How unfortunate!…For Billie that is. This is probably the best day ever for everyone else.

  9. miri

    … Has Lucy been tweeting or did she message the floor group chat?

    Also if “Bring us the girl! Present her to us now!” isn’t a line in a horror movie it should be.

    1. ValdVin

      “Surrender Not-Dorothy”.

    2. Agemegos

      Genesis 19:5 springs to mind.

      1. Roborat

        Not familiar with that album, but then again, not a big fan of the band, what is the 5th song about?

    3. abysswatcher1993

      Brings us the girl and the debt will be paid.

      Booker Dewitt has many regrets.

      1. abysswatcher1993

        wipe away the debt.

      2. Delicious Taffy

        Remember when Bioshock Infinite ripped off The Magician’s Nephew and nobody seemed to notice? That was a weird sort of game.

        1. Deathjavu

          *pulls The Magician’s Nephew off the shelf*

          *boots up Bioshock Infinite*

          ….sorry, I don’t see it.

  10. Plasma Mongoose

    “We are here to collect lesbians for the Lesbian God”

    1. abysswatcher1993

      Lesbians for the lesbian god! Bisexuals for the bisexual throne!

      1. jmsr7

        Lesbians and Bisexuals for the throne of Khorne Slaanesh!

        …that sounds like a fun throne room… >:P

        1. Arianod

          You can’t spell “Slaanesh” without FUN.

          (Chaos names are weird and don’t follow the rules of the grammatical universe)

    2. ValdVin

      Appropriate Opal is appropriate.

      1. Lieutenant Dan

        Opal is always appropriate. #hopalforopal

  11. ValdVin

    Six characters, all with glasses: Is this a DofA record?

    1. Kernanator

      It’s a Glasses-Wearing Convention

      1. ValdVin

        We’re allllllllllll wearin’ glasses.

        (A callback to a strip with four in glasses, if we count Beef.)

    2. Ryek Hvek

      Frivolesque is invading DOA

    3. Bicycle Bill

      It means that people in Indiana must not be getting enough vitamin A.

    4. davidbreslin101

      I’m having flashbacks to “Narbonic,” where pretty much everyone except the gerbil wore glasses. In several scenes, cloned, bodyswapped and otherwise duplicated people could be told apart mainly because of their taste in eyewear…

      1. John

        One of the things that really impresses me about Shaenon’s art is that there were scenes in Narbonic where the differences in eyewear weren’t necessary, because nominally identical characters were distinguishable by the way they stood.

  12. Dave Van Domelen

    No angels in that room.

    1. Arianod

      These are not the angels you’re looking for.

    2. drs

      Lucy?

  13. BBCC

    Ah, I see where Billie went wrong – she’s still thinking of this as a normal dorm with normal people.

  14. Bagge

    PREEEEEEEESENT HEEEEEEER!

  15. He Who Abides

    So, this must be the dorm where they put all the women who think lesbians/bisexuals are hiding with the unicorns, huh?

    Also, and completely unrelated, but I’ve been wondering since a joke I made yesterday. Who’s on Willis’ “They Died Between Universes, Fuck ‘Em” list? I know Ninja Rick and Guns don’t exist here, and I’m pretty sure that they’re hanging out in Limbo with Wen and Whitney McJority, but is there anyone else confirmed/strongly suspected to never show up?

    1. abysswatcher1993

      Hooper is still not appearing and will probably not appear.

      1. Kamino Neko

        Aren’t all characters based on real people except Alex and Maggie off the table? So that’d take out Hoop’s entire squad.

        1. abysswatcher1993

          Oh god! Faz’s girlfriend could appear!

        2. Needfuldoer

          Professor Doc also hasn’t appeared yet. I like to think he’s a chemistry professor, and looks (or at least sounds like) like Christopher Lloyd. His class started calling him “Doc” after BTTF debuted and the nickname stuck. Now nobody remembers what his name actually is.

          We’ve barely seen Alan.

          We’re also not going to see any of the future kids or second-generation characters like Donna, unless they’re incorporated as independent characters. Even if they were conceived now, at the comic’s current pace they won’t be due for decades.

          Joyce had a couple extra older siblings in the old continuity, IIRC.

        3. John

          Technically, Carla is one of the second-generation characters. I still think it’s weird her having parents who aren’t Joe and Rachel.

        4. Needfuldoer

          I think she gets a pass as one of the oldest characters.

    2. Charles Phipps

      The important thing is to realize Billie can’t be in a committed loving relationship or it would destroy her rep.

    3. Bicycle Bill

      While he hasn’t actually appeared in-universe (yet!), I think Ninja Rick was at least being alluded to here.

      1. BBCC

        I doubt he’ll ever appear in ‘person’ because he’s directly based on a real person, but I believe that was the implication, yes.

        1. King Daniel

          The hovertext then implies that Ninja Rick is another one of Galasso’s megalomaniacal fantasies in this ‘verse, as it has Conquest reminding her father – again – that Galasso’s Pizza (and Subs) has not employed any ninja.

    4. Sam

      Any character he based off a real person in previous comic universes has a 99.9% chance of not appearing ever again.

      1. Jhon

        Alex.

        1. Bicycle Bill

          Jhon, your avatar always makes me think you’re pointing up and referring to a comment that precedes yours.

        2. Norah

          It was actually appropriate here!

  16. abysswatcher1993

    Billie, you forgot about your fan club.

  17. BarerMender

    Ah, Ruth? It’s feeding time at the zoo. Put on that A1 Sauce perfume I like so much.

  18. Charles Phipps

    SHOW US YOUR GUEST SO WE MIGHT KNOW THEM!

    *Willis smites Forrest Quad and Lucy becomes a pillar of salt*

    Okay, that was channeling a bit too much old Joyce in my references.

    1. Arianod

      OK, but imagine that Genesis 19 had really gone like that: all the people of Sodom gathered before Lot’s house, squeeing and giggling at the hot strangers that had arrived the night before.

  19. Jay

    Jesus Christ I’d murder someone if I was in Ruth’s position lmao

    1. DarkoNeko

      there’s a reason she used to rip femurs out of people

  20. Shane Wegner

    I don’t think Billie has started the actual counseling and rehabilitation part of her recovery, maybe talked about thinking about scheduling it. But if she did, I feel like rebasing her self esteem on something besides the mob style adoration of people she barely knows or cares about would be one of the To Do items.

    Priorities-
    Does Ruth have a little bit of barf on her shirt and can she borrow a clean one?
    What will the fan club think of Ruth? Will they be impressed Billie seduced an upper classman and an RA at that?
    Is Mike alive or maybe being slowly tortured somewhere?
    Which borrowed shirt will Ruth pick?? Wardrobe surprises possible!

    1. Sam

      We already know the answer to the third question which is that they were impressed by Billie ‘seducing’ an RA like that because they are weird and creepy.

      1. Shane Wegner

        Yes! We got to 2/4 things on the list in this strip. Who knows what whacky shirt Ruth will wear. I guess that cliff hangar will have to wait until tomorrow though.

        1. showler

          I’m hoping she picks one of Lucy’s outfits instead of one of Billie’s. Something fun.

  21. Keulen

    DoA Book 10: Present Her To Us, Now!

    1. Marsh Maryrose

      “Present her to us now” is the nth instance of Willis’s ability to produce dialog that sounds like it came straight out of the Old Testament but is in fact original with Willis.

      1. Bicycle Bill

        As someone else pointed out, see Genesis 19:5.  Depending on the translation, how much closer can you get?

        1. Kamino Neko

          Well, it would be closer if they were demanding to have their way with Ruth.

  22. ReFlex76

    I mean, there *is* a famous Ruth in the Bible.

    1. Bicycle Bill

      There’s also a famous Rahab.  So what’s your point?

      1. JBento

        There’s also a famous Ahab, but that’s from a different book.

  23. Delicious Taffy

    These creepy locusts are completely insufferable. How does anyone live like that?

    1. Charlotte

      Hah, I just commented the same thing further down…

  24. Josh Spicer

    Guys this is fucking weird.

  25. Jago

    I’d hate that.

  26. DarkoNeko

    Genesis 19 *opens duckduckgo* Sodom and Gomorrah destroyed uh

  27. Rabisch

    HOORAY! Finally Billie is in a situation where she can’t retreat. If she does it, with Ruth it’s over. I really want to see what she will do.

    1. Daibhid C

      “Ruth, the weirdos on my floor want you to be ‘presented’ to them.”
      “Tell them to mind their own f*ckin’ business.”
      “Was planning to.”
      [Door slam]

      1. Rabisch

        Not bad at all…

  28. LibertyRazor

    It’s not Genesis 19 until they start demanding for her to let them have their way with Ruth.

    1. Andrew_C

      I was just about to mention that.

    2. John

      But Billie will be saved from the destruction of Forrest Quad because she offers them Lucy instead.

      (Yeah, Genesis 19 was one I know because I had it bookmarked to bring up with the street preachers when I was in high school in the Bible Belt…)

  29. Charlotte

    I find the people on this floor (except Lucy) absolutely insufferable!
    I know that Malaya transferred because of Lucy, but it feels more and more like she’s dodged a bullet when it comes to the rest of them.

  30. JBento

    Malaya was clearly the least annoying person in Forest Quad. It’s true, but yet SO WEIRD.

    1. JBento

      Billie’s response should be “Or the entirety of you can fuck right off. Yeah, let’s go with that.”.

      1. Rabisch

        I start to feel sorry thinking about Malaya forced to live there.

  31. Cathy Garrett

    Bring them out that we may know them.

  32. Falcon

    I guess we’ll see how far Billie leans into her own self-destructive tendencies or if she somehow manages to handle the crowd without hurting Ruth.

  33. David T. Shaw

    Is it just me, or do Ruth’s body freckles make it look like she has chicken pox?

  34. Heather

    Okay so I know everyone (plus Billie) found Lucy off putting for a bit but considering how her floor acts she actually is kind of a miracle because she could be far worse. It’s maybe like Joyce: she’s been entrenched in a weird/toxic ‘society’ for some time that it’s almost a miracle she was as good a person as she was to eventually start to overcome it. I mean it’s only been a couple of months but for Lucy who’s been perhaps subjected to the stereotypical high school experience of the populars plus now all this has no idea what normal is.

    And I mean she’s probably escaped to online fandom a lot and we all know how bizarre that can be. Sometimes how it challenges norms is harmless or a good thing. Sometimes not. It’s all a crapshoot.

  35. CJ

    Privacy seems to be a concept Forrest quad has left behind.

  36. Chrissy

    Whose vomit?

    1. thejeff

      Billie’s, we can assume. She’s been in bad shape from quitting booze.

  37. bcb

    C’mon Billie! You thrive off of drama (see today’s J&W page). Shouldn’t you know that saying something like “it’s gonna be a total nothing burger” insures that it won’t be?

  38. Slartibeast Button, BIA

    No Billie, Bisexual Invisibility is a Disadvantage not an Advantage. It only works when you don’t want it to.

  39. Derek

    oh boy, we’re back to my least favourite dormitory, where everyone acts like pod people

  40. Felian

    i have no nerve for Billie and Ruth when all i really want is to go back to the Mike cliffhanger that isn’t even a cliffhanger because Mike already fell off the cliff…!

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