Teleport
Posted on October 25, 2018 by David M Willis

213 thoughts on “Teleport”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    I was gonna say

  2. toby

    ruh-roh

    1. Deanatay

      As usual, Malaya destroys all fun things.

      She replaces them with her own fun things, but people don’t respect the first part.

    2. ruhrow

      You rang?

  3. AnvilPro

    Sarah is a magic lawyer

    1. Bagge

      The least magical of all magical professions.

      1. King Daniel

        She aspires to be a magical knight!

        http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0032.html

      2. LookingIn

        her magic involves swaying juries and judges…it’s helpful in its own way like when you are being railroaded by members of the ministry of magic for a crime that He Who Shall Not Be Named committed

    2. Bunnyfufu

      What in the forth wall?!

    3. Amazi-Stool

      Well, you can specialize in this!.

  4. Inahc

    dun dun dunnnnn

  5. Golddragon

    Ah, hey Malaya. Fancy seeing you here.

    1. Clif

      This will be fun.

    2. BrokenEye, the True False Prophet

      She can teleport too, apparently

  6. Dave Van Domelen

    New Abductee Power!

    1. Doctor_Who

      But is it Joyce’s power to teleport to Dorothy, or Dorothy’s power to summon Joyce?

      1. Khyrin

        Considering Joyce materialized behind a box, I think she can just teleport.

        1. LookingIn

          Or she owns a TARDIS…are we sure that the bathroom isn’t really a TARDIS in disguise?

        2. Walky_Talky

          The bathroom isn’t a TARDIS. It’s the showers. The showers are the TARDIS. Never walk in the TARDIS without shower shoes.

      2. Freemage

        It’s a gestalt power. That’s why we don’t have any others present in this universe–the other gestalt-twins haven’t actually linked up to activate their power.

        Oh, except Ruth and Billie. They have the joint power to summon alcohol from the Void.

  7. Shiro

    Sarah’s face in panel 3 is fantastic

    1. Doctor_Who

      “My roommate can bend time and space…but that’s none of my business.”

  8. Stephen Bierce

    Let’s Do The Time Warp Again!

    1. MatsuoTanuki

      It’s just a jump to the left…

      1. Chris Phoenix

        And then a step to the ri-i-ight!

        1. Charlie Spencer

          Hands on your hips, give ’em a push!

          Oh, wait; that’s the French Mistake …

        2. Clif

          No one expects the French Mistake …

  9. Kern Wallace

    The iguana has the power of invisibility, but only as long as you aren’t thinking about it.

  10. Bagge

    YOU GO, TEAM SUBTERFUGE WITHIN CERTAIN OUTLINE PARAMETERS!

    SHENANIGANS SISTERS RULE!!!

    1. Marsh Maryrose

      YOU GO, TEAM MAGIC WITHIN EXTREMELY LIMITED CONFINES!

      (WHICH PERHAPS SHOULD BE CALLED TEAM CLARKE’S THIRD LAW!)

      1. Bagge

        CLARKE’S THIRD LAW SISTERS!!!

  11. DailyBrad

    I love the Sarah Joyce dynamic sometimes.

    1. Bagge

      It’s super cute and makes both of them better.

  12. Inahc

    so, who thinks joyce is going to learn a lesson about boundaries?

    1. Zach

      The Nieve Optimist?

      1. Ivy

        I love Nieve from runescape

    2. Marsh Maryrose

      Not me. Malaya will probably deliver a lesson about boundaries, but that doesn’t mean Joyce is going to learn anything from it.

      1. Kamino Neko

        Yeah, this.

        I do have some hope that Dorothy and Sarah will point out that she’s not wrong, and that will let it penetrate a little bit.

        Buuuuuuttt….

  13. Undrave

    Clearly Joyce is developping Gwenpool powers and simply stepped from one page ot the other without thinking about it!

    1. Doctor_Who

      I pointed this out once before, but Gwen is blonde, blue-eyed, spunky, not big on the concept of personal space, and there are a couple of pictures where she’s drawn with a suspiciously triangular grin.

      If Joyce is developing the same powers, I’d say they are parallel versions of the same person.

      1. Undrave

        *Le Gasp* Don’t give guns to Joyce then! Or swords!

  14. purblebirb

    okay Malaya can definitely teleport

    1. Regalli

      Nah, they share a bath. Probably Malaya got home, saw there was a distinct lack of iguana in her room, and (rightly) concluded that the person most likely to take him who had access was Joyce.

      1. Inahc

        or sal was feeling generous and told her.

        1. Regalli

          We don’t know where Sal is right now, if she bumped into Malaya or when. And Sal left before Joyce removed Fuckface from their room. She can guess, because Joyce, but doesn’t know unless Malaya contacted her asking where the fuck her iguana went. (And even then, that’s still just an educated guess and ‘last I saw he was on Joyce’s head.’)

        2. Inahc

          ah, I’d forgotten that.

        3. Regalli

          Happens to us all.

          I hope Malaya doesn’t get upset Sal left Joyce basically unattended in their room. Or maybe I do, that could lead to a ‘Well I only BARELY consented to having an iguana in the room and I sure didn’t want it wandering around without you there!’ fight that could then go really interesting places.

        4. BBCC

          Honestly, if Malaya gets pissy at Sal for Joyce taking Fuckface out of the room, Sal should just say ‘Ah never promised to babysit yer fuckin’ iguana’.

        5. Axel

          Also I mean, Joyce could get into their room whenever she wanted, so it doesn’t matter if Sal actively leaves her there or not

      2. Alanari

        Or she went home, noticed him missing and went in the adjacent room to check if he went there (he wasn’t in his tank, he can walk and doors can be opened). And then overheard the conversion.
        Anyway, this will get interesting.

      3. DailyBrad

        I think it’s less that Joyce was a suspect to take her, and more just that, if they share a bath, that’s the easiest way that Fuckface could get out of the room.

  15. Regalli

    … Well tomorrow’s sure gonna be fun!

    Also, someone please help Joyce.

    1. fire_daws

      She’s got to learn about boundaries sometime and Malaya is not one for pulling punches. This might actually be good in the long run.

  16. Some1

    I wonder if people are going to be more concerned about Malaya or the fact that we’ve seen Joyce teleport before, and Sarah has confirmed it.

    1. Ivy

      Every time you teleport, the real you dies and is replaced by a copy. The real Joyce died a long time ago.

      1. Some1

        There are two basic types of teleportation, the first involves dematerializing yourself and somehow beaming the energy signal to somewhere else. This is the message that Star Trek popularized. The second involves warping space in order to bring the area you want to be to you. Joyce only dies if she’s using the first method.

        1. Needfuldoer

          The second method would still look like you’re moving through physical space to outside observers, though. That’s how the Planet Express ship engines work.

        2. Shen Hibiki

          What about the “stepping out of reality, then stepping back in on the place-and-time you need to be on”?

        3. thejeff

          Joyce steps through the fourth wall to teleport.

        4. thejeff

          It’s not completely impossible all your particles won’t find themselves suddenly in the other room. It’s just very, very unlikely.
          So, calculate the precise improbability, get yourself a nice fresh hot cup of tea and there you are.

        5. jeffepp

          “Not again…”

  17. Bagge

    In an extremely weird twist of fate, Malaya is now the most adulty adult in the room. It will be VERY interesting to see how she handles that role.

    1. Zach

      Sarah is still present.

      1. Bagge

        She would prefer not to be included in the present company

        1. LookingIn

          Plus she is partly at fault for not stopping Joyce from leaving the room with Fuckface on her head in the first place…

        2. Bagge

          I don’t fault Sarah for lacking anti-teleportation powers.

          And seriously, it’s NOT her job to stop Joyce from doing weird things. There are not enough hours in the day, for one thing.

        3. Betty Anne

          ^ This. They’re both adults, and Sarah already learned via a roommate what the fall out from trying to keep a fellow adult from self-destructing is. She has no reason to do it again.

  18. JetstreamGW

    Panel two is kinda awkward… Sarah’s talking like she’s talking to someone other than Dorothy and Joyce.

  19. abysswatcher1993

    Joyce may not believe in evolution, but I can introduce her to secular paganism and the magical teachings of the comic masters Grant Morrison and Alan Moore.

    According to what I have heard from them in Wikipedia and Wisecrack, they believe magic can be used through writing. Even a comic book holds power. Oh my stars, what if Dumbing of Age is Willis’ grimoire?!

  20. tirachokko

    lmao that pause

  21. Derek

    is it bad I want to see Malaya (verbally) tear into Joyce? Joyce has been acting rather entitled (to Malaya’s exotic pet, to Sal’s past story) this storyline and acting as if it was her right?

    1. Regalli

      Nope, join the club. We have popcorn.

      (I like Joyce, but she straight up stole a pet and endangered him. Girl needs to learn boundaries in general, but this in particular is a really good point to get torn into over. Hey, maybe she’ll get the boundary lesson separate from the life is not a romcom one. Maybe she’ll lay off Jacob for a while and only get drawn back into that subplot when his brother shows up!… And maybe scallops’ll fly out of my pants. Still, I can dream.)

    2. Marsh Maryrose

      Joyce should not have taken Fuckface from the room without checking with Malaya first, and if Joyce didn’t know that, it is time for her to learn.

      However, Malaya should not have let Fuckface roam freely without ensuring that he would remain safely confined. Fuckface was potentially endangered by Joyce’s ignorance, but he was also potentially endangered by Malaya’s irresponsibility.

      1. Regalli

        Agreed. Malaya also brought her secret exotic pet into a dorm she’d share with an unknown, and I doubt either Sal or Lucy knew the first thing about iguana wrangling.

        I am happy Fuckface is here, but at the same time his presence does not make Malaya look good in this setting.

        1. Ivy

          Why does this comment section always overanalyze the morality of the characters’ actions? Just let it be a funny story about a girl stealing an iguana.

        2. BBCC

          You don’t have to read the comment section.

          Also…like, even in your description, a girl stealing someone else’s iguana is a pretty crappy thing to do.

        3. not someone else

          Honestly? Because we’ve learned half the damn time these seemingly funny stories wind up having incredibly serious implications and consequences months down the line that we were apparently supposed to notice for things to make sense, so now we’re overcompensating a little.

        4. Regalli

          Yeah, case in point: Remember when Amber punched Blaine in the face? Felt pretty good at the time.

          And then a couple weeks later Amber had an anxiety attack and the realization she enjoyed punching Blaine in the face, which really sparked the Amber Is Bad And AG Protects The World From Her plot. It’s happened multiple times since with Amber, but she’s not exclusive there: a lot of Sal’s storyline has been intuited from her little one off lines (BBCC called months ago that Sal stopped singing after Marcie’s injury, and we’re finally now starting to learn how skating was involved,) for example. And since we can go from the funny Dina raptor jokes to ‘Holy FUCK that’s a gun’ in the span of days, a punchline today doesn’t guarantee things stay funny.

        5. thejeff

          Plenty of things spiral from smaller bits – though the first Blaine punching led instantly to Amber fleeing and switching to Amazi-Girl in panic (and the second was obviously a full on red panel breakdown). There was no subtle “oh we thought it was all happy fun times” there.

          There are certainly some apparently small lines that are clues to bigger character revelations, but I really can’t think of many that were played as funny to start that twisted into big nastiness later. The “prank war/Mary just wanted to study” bit, maybe. Though the nastiness followed directly in the same sequence.

          I just think we’re getting a little carried away here. Yes, this is obviously all about Joyce’s boundary issues. She’s definitely out of line here.
          But talking about it as theft and emphasizing the threat to Fuckface (from either Joyce or from Malaya’s lack of proper care) just seems over the top to me. The threat to FF here is getting caught by Ruth and having to send him home. That’s enough to carry the story arc.

        6. Marsh Maryrose

          It’s all fun and games until your fictional iguana dies from fictional exposure.

          (JK! Fuckface is a major character and is covered by the “no major character will die” promise, which I’m sure is just as immutable as the “Amber has no biological siblings in this universe” promise.)

        7. Regalli

          I’m pretty sure the reason for the former rule is because killing anyone off would both grind the story to a halt while everyone grieves, forever, and simultaneously remove a character from the toy box permanently which Willis isn’t particularly inclined to do.

          Which is why his caveat after that is always ‘well maybe Tony,’ since Tony’s only barely in the strip and most of the cast wouldn’t know to care. (Though I mean, ‘the dean’s son died’ would still be a Deal on campus.) Fuckface dying would remove a good gag and pretty much lock Malaya’s mood for potential years our time, so I think he’s safe.

          (Amber’s biological siblings was a promise that I think had a couple distinct points, starting with the fact that Walkyverse Amber had at least three or four – I sorely doubt we’re going to find out Rose or Zaph are also included even with Faz being back in question, and Wen hasn’t even appeared yet. It was also easier to keep when Faz was only in one arc, Blaine wasn’t really going to be an active villain post-Freshman Family, and Yuri hadn’t been explored at all. Once Willis decided to examine that cluster of dysfunction, putting it in question opened up a lot more story potential than it had before.)

        8. Inahc

          Because it’s fun. And educational.

        9. Alanari

          Judging by his size, he’s most likely a juvenile (a fully grown iguana is more like 1,5 to 2 meters, tail included, and doesn’t really fit on any head. In fact, it’s not a good idea to teach it that being on heads is a good idea – they don’t know their own weight and size) . She actually got a pet the year she went there, knowing fully well she’s not allowed to have him. She also got one, iguanas live in groups. She also didn’t think about how to hide an animal that literally can grow to the size of her bed.
          I get that him being alone, him mainly sitting on heads and him being so small are kind of inherited from shortpacked and that he most likely doesn’t grow at all, but it’s also something you really don’t want to think about because it makes you question his presence here in the first place.

        10. Betty Anne

          ^ Irresponsible pet ownership in a nutshell. TONS of owners of exotic pets pull this kind of bs – that’s why so many are abandoned or die of neglect.

          When cops pull alligators out of the weeds in Minnesota, it’s not because the fuckers walked there. 😐

    3. C

      Honestly? Yes. Fictional or not, Joyce REALLY should not have taken Fuckface from Malaya’s room. He is not her pet, she didn’t get permission to handle him, and if anything had happened to him veterinary treatment would become HER financial responsibility, not Malaya’s.

      1. C

        Don’t get me wrong, I like Joyce, and Malaya shouldn’t be keeping an illegal pet in the dorms, but I do think Joyce could stand to have another major lesson taught that would help develop her character and make her more worldly – mainly that she cannot barge through people’s personal boundaries without consent/permission. Which I think is the same sentiment echoed through the comment section.

  22. Some1

    Joyce’s abilities in action

    http://www.dumbingofage.com/2017/comic/book-8/01-face-the-strange/helping/

    1. ShinyNeen

      Gah! Was going to point that comic out, but fell asleep early. But yay, Some1 remembered!

      Oh, uh, commentary, right… “Malaya was there- just ask her! Hi, Malaya!”

      … *Melts back into bed*

    2. Keulen

      And from today’s comic it appears Sarah has also noticed Joyce’s teleporting ability.

      1. Some1

        Also Joyce apparently does it a lot.

    3. BenRG

      I keep on saying that Dumbingverse Joyce has Walkyverse Joyce’s telepsychic powers; indeed that they may be stronger in this universe!

    4. Bagge

      That’s a good one. Here’s another favorite.
      http://www.dumbingofage.com/2018/comic/book-8/04-of-mike-and-men/uglycrying/

      Joyce is just magical

  23. BBCC

    I don’t have popcorn but I have doritos. This’ll be interesting.

  24. Inahc

    also: panels 3 and 4 are the BEST.

    1. ShinyNeen

      Yeeeeesss. Alt-text bonus points, too!

    2. Keulen

      Panel 2 with Sarah remarking on Joyce’s teleporting ability is pretty good too, but yeah panels 3 and 4 are great.

    3. ValdVin

      Dorothy matching Joyce for the tiny irises. I never woulda expected that.

  25. Tacos

    Now I wonder if Joyce will try to activate her newfound magical iguana powers to teleport away from Malaya.

    1. BenRG

      If she does have her Walkyverse psychic powers, then we might see her Jedi Mind Trick Malaya! 😉

  26. Haven

    Oh, Joyce. It wasn’t the iguana, you were always able to teleport to her. The magic was inside you all along.

    1. Quietlythundering

      Maybe the real magic was the subterfuge they learned how to do along the way

    2. Bagge

      She’s a real friend of Dorothy

      1. jeffepp

        OH, Yes. Yes she is.

  27. Meta

    we are reentering Shortpacked! territory

    1. Regalli

      I mean, he could only hold himself off with occasional superhero action for so long, and we went months between AG sightings for dramatic effect. Soon Head Alien will enter this universe, and all hell will break loose.

      (… Largely because I’m not certain the five or so who MIGHT have abilities that could be effective against HA would be enough all together, and one of those I’m counting is Mike who’s just as likely to side with the villain out of spite. And that’s assuming HA alone. Universe has to start reseeding superpowers early before he shows up and wipes the floor with the cast.)

      1. Regalli

        Also wanting to refresh myself on HA II has brought me back to rereading that entire storyline of Shortpacked, and man does it still hold up. I would be 100% okay with another scene like ‘I die because I’m friggin awesome.’ Man I miss that Leslie. I totally get why she had to be sidelined to give everyone else spotlight time, but I miss her.

        (Other note: During that storyline Drama Tag-verse Amber has Pants Feelings to seeing a certain lady’s dramatic entrance. Forgot that happened, and that does change my shipping speculation slightly.)

        1. Marsh Maryrose

          Even though I started with SP!, I’d forgotten a lot of what happened there. Rereading this storyline was a lot of fun.

          “Threesome?”
          “Sure.” “Yes please.”
          “What?”
          “Fine. Foursome.”

      2. ShinyNeen

        Skipping over to J&W rather than Shortpacked! but, please, please no, I can’t bear to see [redacted] happen to Dorothy again.

        (Badass Leslie was really badass though, yeah, if kinda worryingly self-sacrificing at that moment)

        1. Regalli

          This Dorothy will have a host of friends knowing to protect her, even if an invading Head Alien decides to target her over the more familiar targets. (I actually would really like to see him show up looking for Walky and get the shit beaten out of him by Carla who he shouldn’t recognize and Amber/AG who he won’t AT ALL. Like for an April Fool’s or something.)

  28. JessWitt

    Fuckface is Magic!

    1. Inahc

      */ I used to wonder what fuckface could be… */

      1. Bagge

        Wonder no more.

  29. Roger Sterling

    Oh now let’s watch the contrarian asshole try to tell someone they were being inconsiderate for messing with her illegal iguana.

    1. Ivy

      Well they were. Dorm rules aside, that’s her iguana

    2. BBCC

      They stole her pet. “Inconsiderate” is putting it generously.

      1. Nikol Geier

        No, no, everything is Malaya’s fault. Joyce was totally justified in parading her exotic pet around the dorm.

        Amazigirl literally broke into this same dorm room to rifle through Billie’s property once, and Sal regularly climbs out the windows, but Malaya keeping a completely harmless pet is apparently crossing the line.

        1. BBCC

          Sal no longer climbs out the windows (her agreement with Billie) and apparently iguanas are something of a salmonella risk so it’s a bit more dangerous to others to have him around, but I still don’t think Malaya keeping him is a super terrible thing (though her care of him leaves much to be desired ) and Joyce had no right to take him anywhere.

    3. BenRG

      FWIW, I expect Joyce to completely circumvent the issue by putting Fuckface on Malaya’s head, tickling him under the chin, saying “It was nice meeting you Mr Iguana! Come on Dorothy! Time to return Sierra’s stuff!” and then skipping off leaving a visible rainbow trail and a few glowing butterflies behind her.

      Malaya will stand there before muttering: “What just happened?”

      Sarah will respond: “You’ll get used to it… Or develop diabetes.”

  30. BarerMender

    I can’t think about anything in this storyline but how much iguana shit has dribbled down the back of Joyce’s head.

    1. Inahc

      Apparently they only poop a couple of times a day. (Unlike birds, which, yeah, basically poop every minute)

      1. thejeff

        Or hamsters, as we learned in Shortpacked!

  31. Puncan Macleod

    “Hello. My name is Malaya Eugenio. You stole my lizard. Prepare to die.”

  32. BenRG

    Sarah, don’t tease the children like that! Additionally, I don’t think that it’s healthy for you to be as genre savvy as you’re being right now!

    Malaya, Fuckface will come back to your room when he’s good and ready. Whatever you do, don’t ask Joyce what she’s doing with your pet; the answer will only give you a headache!

  33. CC

    “Hey peebrain -you teleport?”
    (sorry, first thing that came to mind)

    1. Sunny

      Shouldn’t that be “peabrain”?

      1. DonDueed

        Depends.

        1. jeffepp

          -Groans- Ooooohhhh!

  34. Eldritch Gentleman

    Not sure about specifics of Joyce’s denomination but… shouldn’t she be breaking out pitchforks and torches? Or at the very least a crucifix and some holy water?

    1. BenRG

      Joyce has never been that dogmatic about the possibility of having metahuman abilities (or metaiguanid, in Fuckface’s case), even if her parents are.

  35. Jason

    I really don’t like Malaya.
    But I am so rooting for her to give Joyce a thorough dressing down. She has it coming. Someone needs to make it sink in that people have boundaries and she needs to start RESPECTING that.

    If someone absconded with one of my animals I would be livid. I mean, I’d be livid if someone nabbed anything from my room, but I’d seriously hit the roof if they decided to “borrow” one of my pets.

    1. Zaxares

      Same. Although Malaya isn’t exactly in the clear here either considering she has an illegal pet (by which I mean that pets aren’t allowed in the dorms). While I’m willing to allow exceptions for service/support animals, I’m fairly certain that Fuckface is neither and he’s only here because Malaya has a “Screw you! I do what I want!” attitude.

    2. Alanari

      I actually once had one of my cats “borrowed” once. Tracked her down, took my cat without a word (mainly because I was speechless that anyone would do that in the first place) and never spoke to her again.
      I was a trainer back then and she was one of my trainees. That kind of became awkward. I made sure she wasn’t injured – that was my responsibility – but otherwise neglected to acknowledge her presence. She stopped attending training soon after. Wonder why..

      1. CJ

        Out of this interest: Why didn’t you give her the deserved dressing down some time after you calmed down and asked her to leave your training?

  36. poofdepoof

    I think this is the happiest I’ve ever been to see Malaya

  37. SillyGoose

    It’s reckoning time, and long overdue.

    1. BenRG

      I’m expecting Joyce to claim that ‘Mr Iguana’ climbed on her head, so it is technically his fault.

      1. JoeCovenant

        “You stole Fuckface. Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t beat you to a pulp!”
        “Mr Iguana climbed on my head, so technically it’s his fault.”
        ” ‘Technically’ his name is not Mr Iguana.”
        “…”
        “Call him by his proper name… or face the consequences.”
        “F…F…F…” (Joyce’s head explodes)

        1. BenRG

          Honestly I’m expecting Malaya to be so completely nonplussed by Joyce’s otherworldly explanation that she doesn’t react at all, other than a pleading look to Sarah to provide translation and interpretation services.

        2. Eldritch Gentleman

          Honestly I wonder if it’s a good idea to pick a fight with One Punch Woman… but then again Joyce’s Fist of Justice only comes out for the bad guys.

  38. King Monster

    Wait wait wait…what level do most mages (maybe clerics? Haven’t reviewed in a while) learn teleport?

    Or is this maybe a mutant power that Joyce is somewhat manifesting?

    1. BenRG

      In the Walkyverse, Joyce was a mild telekinetic. Some writers view teleportation as self-telekinesis so it may be that Joyce’s psychic abilities are intrinsic rather than from the Martian DNA implanted in her by the purple-head aliens in the Walkyverse.

    2. Sunny

      In Edition 3.5 Teleport is a level 5 spell, meaning wizards get access to it at level 9, and sorcerers at level 10. Clerics get access to it at level 9 if they choose the Travel Domain.
      In Edition 5 Teleport is a level 7 spell, wizards and sorcerers get access to it at level 13. Clerics may or may not be able to access it, I wasn’t able to find out.

      1. King Monster

        Man, that would be something if Joyce was a high level Mage/Cleric this entire time.

        “You’re a wizard, Joyce.”

        1. Bagge

          Her religion specifically forbids that specific thing

          http://www.dumbingofage.com/2017/comic/book-8/02-this-is-the-way-that-we-love/hobble/

  39. Axel

    I know chances are she’ll say something overly terrible to Joyce, but this is one of few times I’m on Malaya’s side. Even ignoring that getting caught could get her in trouble (and a full grown iguana is hard to properly rehome, not that he’s really properly housed now either), but fuck strangers handling exotics (without supervision etc etc). Good intentions and ignorance get them hurt or lost or killed all the time.

    1. thejeff

      Well, then fuck exotic pet owners leaving their pets to wander around climbing on strangers unsupervised. If Malaya was properly caring for Fuckface none of this would have happened in the first place.
      Starting with him waking up Sal this morning.

      1. JBento

        Counterpoint: Strangers shouldn’t be in your room in the first place. What sort of kender-approving crap is this?

        1. TemperaryObsessor

          Counter counter point Malaya has a roommate. Unless the no strangers thing was pre-negotiated thats not a reasonable expectation.

        2. JBento

          It’s a reasonable expectation that these random strangers aren’t going to mess with your stuff, at the VERY LEAST.

        3. thejeff

          “your stuff”. Note: Anyone coming into the room must completely ignore the adorable iguana, except to run away from it, if it approaches them.

        4. JBento

          “it’s your fault your pet got stolen, because it’s so cute” is veering DANGEROUSLY close to “yeah, but what were you wearing?” territory, and is CERTAINLY victim blaming.

        5. thejeff

          Except with “fuck strangers handling exotics without supervision” we’ve moved far beyond stealing and into any interaction.

        6. BBCC

          I think that saying ‘someone who doesn’t know what an animal needs shouldn’t handle them without supervision’ doesn’t necessarily follow into ‘no interaction ever’. It just means you should not be taking care of or supervising said animal without someone who knows what they’re doing. I wouldn’t want someone who didn’t know anything about puppies to handle mine without supervision.

        7. the final pam

          Considering that Sal never explicitly invited Joyce into her room, she just walked on in, I’d say it still counts. Most reasonable people don’t expect their dorm neighbor to walk into their room any time they want without asking

      2. the final pam

        Joyce is still in the wrong here? Regardless of what Malaya has or hasn’t done, Joyce still made the conscious decision to violate Sal’s personal space and boundaries on a regular basis by going into her room while she’s asleep, and this time around she violated Malaya’s space and boundaries by taking her (yes, very illegal exotic pet that was left unsupervised) with her throughout the dorm to show off to other people without Malaya or Sal’s permission.

        Like, a big factor of all of this happening is Joyce going into Sal and Malaya’s room without permission. If you take Fuckface out of the equation, hey fancy that, she’s still going into their room without permission.

        Yeah, Malaya fucked up, but that does not excuse Joyce at all in the conscious decisions that she made up to this point. That’s all her.

        1. Regalli

          And Joyce stayed in the room after Sal had left. (As did Carla, and that’s at least in part on Sal not telling them out.) There’s a reasonable expectation for neighbors to not hang out in your home while no one’s there without permission (for instance, housesitting, which doesn’t apply in a dorm.)

        2. thejeff

          Not going to argue that. Just the “omigod strangers handling exotic pets part”.

        3. the final pam

          Except by phrasing it as Malaya’s ownership of Fuckface and leaving him unsupervised is the catalyst behind this entire situation completely absolves Joyce of any responsibility. It’s absolutely victim-blaming lmao “Don’t want your [ ] stolen? Well, don’t have a [ ] in your room!!”

          They are both responsible for this. Joyce can’t really help Fuckface crawling on her head, but she could have called Sal for help or waited in their room to get back. Instead she decided to give him a tour of the dorms to show him off. That’s the “handling exotic pets” part that’s bad.

        4. Axel

          They’re welcome to hang out with him, maybe pat him. But mishandling can cause injuries, and if a heavy lizard like an iguana falls (and it’s far more likely to try to jump out of someone’s hands than off whatever it’s relaxing on), it can break bones.

          Plus there’s all kinds of other things. Reptiles will starve themselves with stress, and there are all kinds of fuck-ups and animal needs someone who’s never handled them won’t understand. Hell, it’s an obvious fuckup to anybody, and my roommate sprayed one of my reptiles got sprayed with cleaner (we immediately rinsed him in water and did out best to flush his eyes, he was okay, don’t worry) because she wanted to mist him and grabbed the wrong bottle (they were not identical bottles and it was not next to his tank, but close enough that even without being confident she wouldn’t hurt animals, it would be clearly unintentional).

          (this was not in a college dorm, we had an apartment and the terrariums were set up in the living room part of the apartment).

          (also note that although I don’t think Malaya’s taking great care of him by letting him free-roam their room, an adult iguana cannot be kept in a normal pet store terrarium)

          Also, I noted in my first post that he was improperly housed? So yes, fuck exotics owners that take bad care of their pets, but that doesn’t mean other people who don’t know how to take care of them should be allowed to handle them on a whim or parade off with them.

        5. Axel

          I obviously reworded a sentence and didn’t fix it completely,

          “my roommate sprayed one of my reptiles got sprayed with cleaner”

          should be:

          “my roommate sprayed one of my reptiles with cleaner”

          used to be:

          “one of my reptiles got sprayed with cleaner” (continuing “because my well-intentioned roommate…”)

        6. Axel

          same with the awkward ‘apartment’ sentence, I moved it and didn’t fix the rest of it

        7. BBCC

          Also, she’s showing off the iguana that she promised to keep secret without knowing whether or not others are in on the secret.

        8. Nikol Geier

          Yeah, Joyce could get Malaya in serious trouble. Malaya was a *little* careless, but overall, it’s not Joyce’s fuckin’ room. People are so desperate to blame Malaya for everything, when in reality, this is basically “Sal climbing out the dorm window”-levels of irresponsibility.

  40. Emily

    Consequences!!!!

  41. JohnnyO

    Careful Willis, there’s a crack in your 4th wall.

  42. JBento

    This is when Malaya punches Joyce and everyone who’s been cheering about AG punching petty thieves will cheer her on, too, right?

    1. thejeff

      No, because I think the “stealing” here is massively overblown. Taking your suitemate’s pet out for a walk without permission is worthy of a serious talking to about boundaries – especially since the pet needs to be kept secret, but it’s not in the same league as actually grabbing someone’s backpack and trying to get away with it. Or actual dognapping – which is serious because they’re taking the pet away to sell or some such, not a housemate taking it for a walk.

      1. Nikol Geier

        Oh, hey, thejeff. Same thejeff from Paizo? It’s KC.

        Anyhoo, I do think it’s a false equivalency, though the cheering on of Amazigirl going after thieves and stuff is pretty lame. In general, any idolization of Amazigirl’s non-creep-busting activities is suspect. She’s basically a cop.

      2. the final pam

        Except Malaya doesn’t know Joyce’s intentions, or the intentions of anyone Joyce showed Fuckface off to, or has reason to trust that Joyce will take care of him. At any point, Joyce could have lost or gotten Fuckface hurt or been discovered and had him confiscated.

        Joyce also doesn’t count as a housemate. This is more akin to your neighbor hopping your fence to take your dog for a walk.

        1. the final pam

          Also worth noting: “I was going to give it back” is not a real defense for theft. If Malaya could have reasonably called the cops for her missing property (ignoring that she’s not allowed to have the lizard in the first place), it doesn’t matter that Joyce was just taking him for a walk. Neither Sal nor Malaya knew about it (Malaya didn’t even know Joyce knew about FF), or gave her permission, and Malaya definitely would not have known Joyce’s intentions with her pet. It’s fair to say that Malaya would consider this to be theft in every since of the word.

      3. JBento

        Taking your property without permission is literally what stealing is, regardless of how long you intend to keep it.

        1. BBCC

          Yeah, Malaya and Joyce do not have a relationship where borrowing without asking is okay. They barely have a relationship.

        2. thejeff

          Fine. Fuck it. Joyce is a thief. Call the cops and have her arrested. Have Amazi-girl beat her to a pulp. She’s a criminal it doesn’t matter.

          There is no difference at all between this and an robbery. Or a dog-napping.
          Hell, we already know she’s a thief. Remember when she stole a car!

          Look, I said right there in that post that it’s not okay. It’s just that we’re throwing around “stealing” much too casually, even if it technically matches a definition that no one would ever apply legally.

        3. BBCC

          Legally is not the only way words like ‘stealing’ apply though. The fact it’s not as malicious or as bas as a dog napper or a robber doesn’t make it not stealing. There are degrees of things like this.

        4. thejeff

          Considering that I objected in the context of Amazi-Girl beating her up like she does petty thieves, I’m not sure that “degrees” really apply.

        5. BBCC

          Ah, I see. Yeah, no, I don’t think she deserves to get beaten up by AG. Although, that said, I’d be hard pressed to be too upset with Malaya if she punched her for taking her pet without asking.

        6. The Final Pam

          Oh, do stop. You’re sounding like a child. You’ve consistently downplayed Joyce’s inappropriateness and lack of boundaries throughout this storyline to instead place blame solely on Malaya for having the iguana in the first place.

          Yes, Malaya is at fault for having a pet she is not supposed to have and she doesn’t have him properly enclosed, to boot. Joyce doesn’t have any harmful intentions for Fuck face, she just wants to show the cool thing off to all her friends (even though he’s supposed to be a secret and he’s not her cool thing to show off). Even though Joyce is cute and nice most of the time, and you don’t think its that serious because she and Dorothy had a wacky adventure, its likely serious to Malaya and it still counts as stealing, the same way Dorothy stole Sierra’s clothes.

        7. thejeff

          Yeah, just about precisely the same way Dorothy stole Sierra’s clothes. For which I guess she deserves a beating from Amazi-girl as well. (See JBento’s post that I originally replied to. I’m just being consistent. If it’s stealing, then AG should beat them up, like she does other thieves.)

          Look, I agree Joyce is out of line here. We’ve been focusing on her boundary issues lately and this is definitely part of that. She deserves to get yelled at by Malaya for this – as seems likely to happen next strip. I just think we’re going way overboard on how horrible she is here.

    2. Fart Captor

      AG doesn’t punch petty thieves unless they attack her, but sure. Go off

      1. JBento

        I remember a backpack…

        1. thejeff

          Which we didn’t see the start of, but this is exactly the same thing, so why not? Punch away. Amazi-Girl has to be consistent.

      2. Emily

        Unless she successfully goads them into attacking her so she can justify using violence to herself you mean.

        1. JBento

          Now, to be fair those people weren’t petty thieves. They were…

          *looks shiftily to both sides*

          *whispers nervously*

          drinking.

          *gasps, clutches pearls, makes use of fainting couch*

        2. thejeff

          To be fair – that was Sal and Amazi-Girl was screwed up about her and was obviously in the wrong in that scene.

        3. BBCC

          Yeah, other than Sal, Amber limited herself to being pissy with Danny for drinking. She helped Billie to bed when she was wasted.

          And the others now that I think about it. “Amber’s allowed to be inconsistent,” indeed.

        4. Fart Captor

          THAT wasn’t even about the crime and you know it

          It also wasn’t something that got cheered. Certainly not by me

  43. JBento

    Ooooh, almost forgot.

    If you’re an USAmerican, VOTE YOU GODDAMN DUMB FUCK, VOTEE!!!!!!

    1. BBCC

      For those of you looking to do ballot research, both ballotpedia and ballotready are said to be very helpful.

      1. ShinyNeen

        *Raises hand*

        My politically-uneducated self found Ballotpedia to be very helpful! Thankee!

  44. Deanatay

    Panel 5 Fuckface:

    Of course I am, you foolish honey-haired foot warmer! Now THINK! Think hard, that my tootsies may be invigorated by your brain-heat.

  45. Nikolai Geier

    Sal, we all know that can is empty.

    1. JBento

      *Sarah

      1. Nikol Geier

        Their names are way too similar. By which I mean “they start with the same two letters”.
        Also, it’s kinda weird that this is the only one of my, like, five posts on thus comic that isn’t still awaiting moderation.

  46. Nikol Geier

    Just a reminder right now to all the “MALAYA SHOULDN’T EVEN HAVE AN IGUANA” rules-sticklers that Malaya is heavily isolated due to her abrasive manner and Fuckface is one of the few characters in this comic who makes her happy.

    Like, seriously, are you all cops?

  47. CJ

    I’m trying to figure out the background. It’s Malaya who suddenly appeared in Sarah’s and Joyce’s room, yes? Same color of bedclothes, Sal’s were grey, right?

    1. BBCC

      Yeah, they’re in Joyce and Sarah’s room.

    2. Heavensrun

      Sal/Malaya and Joyce/Sarah are suitemates, connected by a bathroom.

    3. thejeff

      Uninvited too.
      The monster!

  48. wakeangel2001

    OF COURSE a Christian creationist believes in magic, there’s all kinds of magic in the bible, whether it’s the universe being spoken into existence by incantation or prescribing punishment for witches. If there is anyone in the world who would literally believe in actual magic it would be her.

    1. David M Willis

      Look.

      I grew up Evangelical.

      We are INCREDIBLY inconsistent on whether magic exists, despite what Bible stuff says. Why? Because we get insecure on whether Jesus/God/Etc has exclusive rights to doing fancy shit. Some folks’ll even tell you that “magic” has to be run through God’s approval first, via the narrative in the Book of Job. And if God does it? It’s not magic. The creation of the universe? Not magic. Because magic has *connotations*. And that connotation is “something a gross witch or whatever does, ugh.” You tell an Evangelical that Jesus is magic they will pitch a fit, even though he turns water into wine and conjures bread and fish out of nowhere. He’s not magic. He’s not.

      Magic is in the Bible, but Evangelicals like to pretend it doesn’t. Sometimes. It depends.

      So, yes, Joyce’s inconsistency about magic from strip to strip even within this very storyline is incredibly true-to-life.

      welcome to my tedtalk

      1. SpaceshipPilot

        Huh. The more you know.

        1. jeffepp

          Yo, Joe!

      2. Kat

        The way it was explained to me in religion camp #4686 was that “it wasn’t magic, it was MIRACLES”, the difference being that it’s “magic *tricks*” but God is real.

        No idea what denomination it was though, my family wasn’t actually religious, my mom just sent us to a summer camp every year and it was a religious one.

        1. thejeff

          Though some but not all also believe that the devil can work magic and will help humans do so as part of getting them to damn themselves.
          There’s lots of weird beliefs floating around in the fundy/evangelical world.

        2. CJ

          Ages ago, I was guest for a week in a family in Vancouver (early 80ties).
          They had comics with Satan in them lying around. Tried to read one, but Marvels made more sense.
          When we played mini golf, I once pointed a finger at the ball saying something like “you stop there”.
          The family mother then said in a serious tone: “if it had stopped, I would be afraid of you.”
          I was very relieved there were two other people from my scout group there as guests as well.
          I only connected them with fundamentalist Christians rather recently, because I didn’t know something like that actually existed till after 2000.

  49. 3-I

    Boy, you guys sure do dislike Joyce a whole lot.

    1. Nikol Geier

      I think it’s more that Joyce has issues with boundaries, and Malaya seems like a character who might be able to confront her about it, Roz-style.

    2. Regalli

      A lot of us actually do like Joyce, but NONE of the major characters are without flaws (even Dina is willing to spy on Raidah,) and Joyce in particular is prone to overstepping boundaries in ways that really aren’t cool. Her flaws have been particularly prominent in this storyline (the day began with her stampeding over Sal’s comfort zone,) and her current subplot (trying to break up a relationship because she likes the dude and dislikes his girlfriend, without admitting to herself that’s why,) but it’s been on display since the start of the strip. She’s grown a lot, but that just makes the points where she’s still behind the curve stand out all the worse.

      You can like a character and be aware of their flaws. It’s pretty much a prerequisite for enjoying this strip.

      (Compare this to comments the moment Blaine appears. People actually want him to die.)

      1. chris73

        This is it for me, shes shown so much growth so this feels like a backslide (though it isn’t because her boundary issues haven’t been addressed) but, based on her previous experiences, she’ll eventually learn about proper boundaries and then she and Joe can finally,y have a proper date (ok thats wishful thinking on my part)

        1. JBento

          Malaya might be about to boundary her in the face.

  50. Darkoneko

    Sarah makes a good point here.

  51. Dafydd

    Um, whom is Sarah talking to in panel 2? Is Malaya already there, and Sarah’s assuming she was in on the shenanigans?

  52. Also Becky

    Stop being so adorable Joyce!

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