148

Jurassic Parky
Posted on May 24, 2019 by David M Willis

148 thoughts on “Jurassic Parky”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    it’s the Grand Gesture that counts (for some reason)!

    (though hell, not like plushes can’t be modded)

    1. C.T Phipps

      Maybe it suffered molting.

    2. Needfuldoer

      With enough modding, will it evolve into Big Bird?

      1. Opus the Poet

        After millions of generations…

        1. C.T Phipps

          Arguably, it looked like Big Bird from the very beginning.

        2. Clif

          In the beginning was the Big Bird.

          Hmm.

        3. Kinoko

          Thanks for this. I gigglesnorted in a most undignified manner.

  2. Doctor_Who

    Becky is conflicted.

    Dina however exists in a binary state. You either have a big dinosaur or don’t, and anything else is unnecessary details.

    1. C.T Phipps

      Dina will hopefully allow Becky to exalt in her power.

      1. Jhon

        Exult.
        .. or both.

    2. Clif

      After all, we just concentrate on what is important.

    3. He Who Abides

      “You either have a big dinosaur or you’re wrong”

      Fixed it for you, Doctor.

      1. Clif

        Dinosaurs in a big blue box!

        1. MaddMaxx

          Dinosaurs on a Spaceship

      2. Amazi-Stool

        “A life without a big dinosaur is possible, but meaningless!”
        Vicco von Bülow, translated and slightly modified.

    4. MaddMaxx

      And this is why i say Dina is just the short, Asian version of me

  3. Stephen Bierce

    Who’s Sorry Now?…

    1. Stephen Bierce

      Oddly enough, today’s strip is sponsored by the Democratic National Committee.

  4. ubertenorman

    …how did she get that thing in her room?

    especially without waking Dina up?

    1. JetstreamGW

      I mean, it’s a plush. They squish, usually.

      1. Yumi

        Even squishy, it’d be hard to wrangle. But Becky probably would have figured out how to overcome some of the obstacles before getting to Dina’s room, which would at least help with not waking her up.

        I want to know where she purchased a gigantic velociraptor this early on a Sunday morning.

        1. BarerMender

          Not so hard to handle. You put the head through first, then angle it around and squash the belly a little. It’ll go right in.

        2. Eldritch Gentleman

          Well she has experience with shoving things into tiny closets so…

    2. Schpoonman

      You know how Joyce can teleport to Dorothy? Well, Becky can teleport to Dina.

      1. MatthewTheLucky

        That’s preposterous. Clearly Becky went to check if Joyce was feeling okay, and, while discussing Joyce’s faith, went and made a deal with Dorothy for insider political knowledge in exchange for Dorothy entering into Dina’s room through the half-bath and Joyce teleporting in holding the plushie and then exiting through the half-bath with Dorothy. Obviously.

        1. Icalasari

          I just assumed Becky is a great student under the master of stealth, Dina

          …Heh. Becky studies under Dina. Heheh

        2. Delicious Taffy

          If that flashback strip with Kaitlin is any indication, Becky might prefer to be on top.

      2. DrWattson

        It’s that lesser known lesbian teleportation power.

        1. Mr. Bulmbin

          I knew lesbians could self-duplicate and change size at will, but teleportation? That’s a power nobody told me they had.

          Note to self: Put together a D&D party of lesbian half-elves.

    3. Needfuldoer

      Maybe it shipped in a giant vacuum bag, like those mail-order foam mattresses.

    4. Jamie

      She put a closet in the door, walked in, and announced that she’s a lesbian.

      Then there was plenty of space.

      1. thejeff

        Come on. That’s ridiculous.

        That would have woken Dina up.

    5. GrandSavage

      Cartoon physics. She just pulled it out from behind her back

  5. Schpoonman

    Dina with more expressions is more powerful than I’d feared.

    1. C.T Phipps

      Hopefully Dina will convince her to support Robin all the way until Becky can eliminate her and become Chancellor of the Galactic Republic.

      Then…then the Jedi will fall.

      1. Doctor_Who

        “Execute Order 66 Million.”

        1. drs

          *slow clap*

      2. Schpoonman

        I want to see a story in the Star Wars universe where a Force-sensitive character is picked up by a Sith Lord and starts training them, but they’re so singlemindedly consumed by something totally different and silly than just “power” that they just skip being influenced by the Dark Side.

        Basically Dina as Palpatine but instead of fascism everyone gets the SHIT educated out of them on dinosaurs.

        1. Falcon

          That is kind of my Sith Warrior character in SWTOR.

        2. Khyrin

          It’s been a while, so my memories are a bit faint.

          early on, isn’t there a Light Side morality option that basically amounts to telling your Sith Master, “Ah, yes… I tortured the slave so hard he and the rest of them evaporated. here’s the information.”, after letting the slave go free?

        3. Falcon

          Can’t remember that one specifically, but I do remember doing light side shenanigans with the prisoners.

          One of my favorite moments was when I was sent to kill the parents of a powerful jedi apprentice to push her towards the dark side. They were servants in a palace on Alderaan.

          I instead gave them a life of luxury in the Empire, and my Sith Master commended me for my cleverness because their “betrayal” would hurt worse than their deaths.

    2. Keulen

      Dina’s expressions are the best. For example, when she attempted Joyce’s triangle smile.

      1. Schpoonman

        *smack*

        No. None of that. Shame on you.

        1. Ryek Hvek

          the Triangle Smile transcends shame – I read an old crime novel where a stage actress mixed up in a murder was known for her triangle smile

      2. Jhon

        That.
        That was an image I did not remember.
        Thanks to the brain bleach. No thanks to you.

    3. Deanatay

      Dina equips Emoting!

      But, Dina already has four slots equipped. What shall she unequip?

      – Dinosaur facts – Best Character

      – Teledoortation <<< – Amazi-Girl's Roomie

  6. Cattleprod

    Votes Against Humanity, my least favorite card game.

    1. Makkabee

      A Cards against Humanity/Landslide mash-up!

  7. ValdVin

    Dina: “This will do, as much as you wearing my dino-jammies.”

  8. Woomy

    “Oh, that’s not for you Dina. I just wanted to show it to you.”

  9. C.T Phipps

    Becky seems to be suffering a lot of buyer’s remorse. It’s weird as you’d think she’d just own she made the deal she did. After all, Robin is only benefiting because of Becky’s pro-gay rights activity.

    1. Proxiehunter

      No, Becky is having seller’s remorse. It’s common when your soul has been purchased.

      1. C.T Phipps

        It’s kind of fascinating that Robin thinks this is a fun party time and slumber party while Becky is disgusted by her at all levels.

        1. DSL

          You’ve never had a boss like that? I’ve had two.

  10. DarkoNeko

    Oh yeah, this isn’t gonna end well

    1. C.T Phipps

      Dina supports Becky’s decision to betray Leslie because dinosaurs.

      1. DarkoNeko

        This is this. That is that.

    2. Fart Captor

      No, it’s gonna end GREAT cuz they’re gonna smooch and smoochin’ solves everything

      1. butts

        honestly, like, if there’s gonna be a point of conflict in their relationship i’m having trouble seeing how it would be… this

        1. geno

          The conflict in their relationship will be Becky’s feelings for Joyce. Honestly I bet even Leslie comes around to understanding Becky’s side of things with Robin. Leslie Bean is chill like that

        2. Jhon

          Her name should be Chill Bean.

  11. Tacos

    Of course. Giant Velociraptor plushies can get you out of having to apologize for anything.

  12. C.T Phipps

    Does Becky have a salary? It doesn’t seem to realize she should get one.

    1. King Daniel

      Becky was very specifically negotiating with Robin earlier to be her campaign manager instead of an intern because of the salary she’d receive as the former.

      1. thejeff

        Not clear. She may have gotten room and board and college enrollment in lieu of salary.

        1. Woomy

          That’s what’s i thought too, but…

          Yeah, she used campaign money to buy that, it’s still unclear.

  13. DailyBrad

    I’d say they’d make out on it, but Dina just woke up and probably could stand to brush her teeth.

  14. Doom Shepherd

    I have to admit I would sell out most of my ideals in exchange for a giant plushie Triceratops or Plesiosaur.

    Except that one. LGBTQIA+ are people. Many, more people than me.

    1. Rowen Morland

      The needs of the many outweighed the need for a few Triceratops, for the one.

      1. RicardtheDragoon

        A T. Rex might have thought that, if it could think that. Also, it feels like there should be some way to effectively associate an extinction joke with Rowen’s statement, but I’m not seeing it.

        1. Amazi-Stool

          The Triceratops is extinct now, you will not find a single living specimen world-wide.
          So why is the QUILTBAG still not treated as people everywhere?

  15. BBCC

    Honestly, if Becky wastes the money riding this to buy Dina dinosaurs and there’s not enough left for a decent campaign, I am TOTALLY okay with that.

    1. Lacuna

      And then it all goes horribly wrong and Robin gets re-elected anyway.

      “Hey, that lady spent all her money on dinosaurs! That’s just the kind of practical, down-to-earth thinking we need! She’s got my vote!”

      1. Catman

        I’m not saying I would vote for a candidate who couldn’t afford to campaign well because they spent too much on giant plush dinosaurs, but I am saying that maybe we shouldn’t discount it as a viable re-election strategy.

        1. Opus the Poet

          This is the DoAverse. While not as wacky as the Walkiverse, the Giant Mutant Honeybun is a major pasty brand here instead of a deadly kaiju of sweet delights as an example, things still get pretty wacky. Spending money for plush dinosaurs makes as much sense as anything else as a campaign strategy. Especially if they can somehow tie it into a rather stodgy opponent.

      2. Slartibeast Button, BIA

        This is distorted in the press into a campaign contribution from the fossil fuels industry, which is a good thing for Republicans.

  16. Falcon

    Becky is feeling guilty because, in the end, she chose her own education and comfort over making Robin promise to stick to her campaign promises. Most people would like to think that if we were put in that position, we could sacrifice half of that to make the country a better place. But there’s no knowing that until we actually find ourselves in such a spot.

    1. ǝ snow ʍousɐ

      Shouldn’t Becky get a dorm room after enrolling, though? Not sure how that works when you come in mid-semester.

      1. Robbie

        She’s enrolled to start in the spring semester – in January – so she can’t move into a dorm until then.

      2. Seregiel

        If you’re in state, not all colleges force you to live in dorms freshmen year. Not all colleges have enough space for all freshmen anyways. Not sure about IU but if their transfers are already backed up, I’m guessing the rooms are blocked up.

        1. BBCC

          IU requires you to live in dorms first year.

    2. TemperaryObsessor

      To be fair if Robin is honest such a promise is unneeded because she’s already promising her voters something, if Robin is dishonest can Becky really count on her to keep her promise to be a good person after the election. And it is super illegal to do anything to make such a promise enforcible.

    3. geno

      Robin is a liar. She was never going to change her stance even if she had to pretend to for a little while.

      1. thejeff

        Why not? It’s clear she’s not ideologically tied to her stance. It was a pose to get her elected. Now, if she wins, she’s found a different and more effective pose to get re-elected. Why wouldn’t she stick with it?

        1. Seregiel

          This. Robin isn’t evil in the mustache twirling vein. She’s convenient net-benefit (to her). When an actual wrong has a face on it she will flat out go against party lines (put that jag in a cell). What makes her happy is staying elected, so that’s her song and dance routine.

        2. BBCC

          There was an actual wrong that had several faces on it beforehand (LGBTQ+ rights abuses) and she did jack shit and made mealy mouthed excuses to stay on party lines.

        3. thejeff

          Not quite the same thing, though it should be. That’s still abstract. Not people she knows. Much easier to write off.

          I’m not saying she’s a good person though, just that she’s not going to turn and attack LGBTQ people again just because she’s evil. If she gets re-elected because of her LGBTQ support, she’ll likely stick with it, because that now serves her interest.

          Unless the party can convince her it doesn’t, which is possible, I suppose.

        4. BBCC

          She does know people – she knows Leslie and she had Becky telling her what happened. That’s not abstract.

          Robin’s being elected as a Republican, so I don’t imagine it’ll be long before she gets talked into toeing the party line again.

  17. newllend(henryvolt)

    Okay when Dina puts it like that it does sound like it has a hole “I traded my soul” vibe to it…but it’s not all bad is it?

    1. Seregiel

      Nothing is bad if it leads to saving a creationist and converting them into dinosaur loot piñatas.

  18. butts

    i know it’s not exactly “on brand” but THEY’RE SO GODDAMN CUTE SKHGJFHGNJFJGHN

    1. ǝ snow ʍousɐ

      Becky feels like a butt for selling out her principles and morals.

      (also there’s some Becky buttage in the first panel, I suppose)

  19. Bagge

    Hah, you can pretty much hear the wheels in Dina’s head free-spinning.

    “Suskityrannus… hadrosaurs… Mnyamawamtuka… huh, I’m awake. NOPE, I’M STILL DREAMING! THERE IS AN INACCURATE BUT STILL AWESOME GIANT REPRESENTATION OF A VELCIORAPTOR IN MY ROOM. WHY IS THERE A RAPTOR IN MY ROOM? HAVE I BEEN WRONG ABOUT THE EXISTENCE OF GOOD ALL ALONG? No, that is not a plausible explanation…. Becky is here. Becky has given me a giant velcioraptor. Wow, that was a mighty interesting feeling in my pants. Must comfort Becky over inaccuracies in the representation. Must not seem ungrateful when the person I love give me the perfect gift. But how did the miracle come to pass? Huh? Selling out to evil politicians, is that a thing we do now? NO BECKY SAD, MUST COMFORT! BECKY MIGHT TAKE AWESOME VELCIORAPTOR AWAY IF I SAY THE WRONG THING! MUST COMFORT MORE!!!!

    1. AntJ

      Dumbing of Age Book 9: Wow, that was a mighty interesting feeling in my pants

      1. Bagge

        That was slipshiine is for

    2. Minotaur

      That’s a very inaccurate velociraptor. More of a generic theropod, really, and one that’s only less inaccurate than the Crystal Palace Megalosaur because it looks like it’s probably bipedal.

      I would love to see the Your Dinosaurs Are Wrong episode on this plushy…

  20. abysswatcher1993

    Wow, so Dina cares more about a giant plush than her human rights?

    1. Bagge

      But giant plush velcioraptor given to her by the person she loves, though.

    2. Icalasari

      To be fair, Dina DOES seem to be in a mild state of shock. When she comes down from her dino high, she may have questions for Becky such as, “Your plan as her campaign manager involves having her fight for the rights of you and I and others like us, correct? This wasn’t a decision you made in error out of excitement?”

    3. Delicious Taffy

      That seems a little absolute. She can care about both things, it’s not a zero-sum game.

    4. Pearl

      She cares about her human rights to have a giant plush velociraptor.

      1. Delicious Taffy

        It’s right there in the Constitution.

        1. Deanatay

          Life, Liberty, and Pursuit of Giant Plush Dinosaur Ownership.

          No ambiguity there.

  21. Mollyscribbles

    Not *too* much of a moral conflict; by purchasing the dinosaur, Becky used funds that would otherwise go toward helping someone who votes against their humanity get elected.

    1. abysswatcher1993

      But like with Chick Fil A the money spent on that dinosaur goes back to the pockets of companies. The House always wins in capitalism.

      1. MatthewTheLucky

        Goddamn Big Plush.

      2. Mollyscribbles

        Well . . . we don’t have information on the plush company. Maybe they’re the Ben & Jerry’s of plush toy manufacturers.

  22. BenRG

    Dina will forgive anything, it appears, so long as large plush dinosaurs are involved. Good to know!

  23. Ophidiophile

    Oh, thank goodness. For a second there, I thought Dina had messed up her priorities.

  24. Shane

    Maybe we can convince her that voting FOR humanity can actually win more votes.

  25. Svankensen

    “She’s THE congresswoman that votes against our humanity?”

    If you only have one congresswoman voting against your humanity you are doing fine.

    1. BBCC

      The only one they get to vote for, so yeah.

  26. Keulen

    DoA Book 9: Do Not Apologize Becky You Purchased Me A Gigantic Velociraptor!

  27. Delicious Taffy

    Yeah, you spend that blood money, Becky. Robin was just gonna blow it on dumb shit like banners and yard signs, anyway.

    1. Bagge

      I think the only objection Robin might have to blowing the money on a giant dinosaur is that she didn’t think of it first.

      1. Roborat

        Well, all Becky has to do is drag it on stage a few times and it is a legitimate campaign expense. I am sure she can spin something to explain the relevance of a dinosaur at a Republican compaign rally.

        1. Bagge

          It’s not even in the top 50 stupid things Robin has done.

  28. fire_daws

    If Dina gets anymore expressive she’ll- *ahem* she will start using contractions.

    1. Bagge

      Or take of her hat.

      Either works.

  29. Catman

    Soooo….
    1:Robin is extremely selfish, and I feel as though if Becky gets her re-elected, Robin would more than likely follow through, if only because she sees it as beneficial to herself.

    2:Becky’s life has been hell. She needs stability in her life. Personally, I think she would have been better off staying with Leslie, at least for the near future, but by working for Robin as the deal is she gets that stability. Safe home, regular(ish?) income. It was a safe bet and she deserves one of those.

    3:”I gave my adorable lesbian assistant the money to buy her (also adorable) girlfriend a giant plush dinosaur as a meaningful birthday gift” is a powerful campaign. You’ve got sentimentality, you’ve got the LGBTQIA+ angle that was the entire catalyst to this in the first place, you’ve got a giant plush dinosaur. It’s got everything.

    1. BenRG

      Regarding your point 2 – Leslie gives the impression of being stable but she isn’t really. Her personal life is a bit of a train wreck (with a girlfriend whom I am concerned may turn out to be abusive) and, in any case, with a boatload of her own traumas and issues she needs to work through. She’s probably a better choice than Robin but I do think it’s a smaller gap than many realise.

    2. Falcon

      If I were the campaign’s lawyer I would 100% recommend using the plush dinosaur gift as a little publicity stunt. It would provide a solid legal argument against any accusation of campaign finance violations because the gift was used to promote the campaign. And it would give Robin cred on her new LGBTQ stance.

      1. TemperaryObsessor

        Is there a reason Robin can’t just say she gave Becky a bonus, because she realized money concerns (or concerns which could be solved with money) were distracting Becky from her job.
        I’m assuming Robin knew about and was okay with this.

        1. BBCC

          She specifically used campaign funds.

          I’m pretty sure that violates political campaign finance law.

        2. thejeff

          She’s paying her campaign manager with campaign funds. That’s legit.

  30. Eldritch Gentleman

    Humans being corrupted by wealth before our very eyes.

    1. Deanatay

      Well, seeing how Number Of Giant Plush Dinosaurs Owned is the best measurement of wealth available in our society, that’s corruption I can get behind.

  31. BenRG

    This is probably just me but I hear Dina’s lines in the first panel ending in this little squeak that sounds a bit like ‘fine’.

  32. JBento

    Come on, with that colour scheme, that’s clearly a DINOBOT plushie.

    1. BenRG

      If Ethan is indeed an SI of Willis’s toy collector side then, yes, it makes sense that his mental image of a utahraptor would be based on what must be his favourite Maximal.

  33. hof1991

    Hacked Muzak plays Dylan’s “Serve somebody”.

    Considering the options for homeless gay teenagers, Becky has been fortunate. No food, no shelter can lead to worse outcomes than this. I cut her a lot of slack in what are desperate times.

  34. Spocky McSpockface

    Addressing the velociraptor in the room.

    1. Deanatay

      IT IS INAPPROPRIATELY SIZED TO BE A VELOCIRAPTOR!!!

      *breathes deeply*

      Either add ‘Giant’ or ‘Colossal’ or other appropriate modifier, or refer to it as a different dinosaur, perhaps an Allosaurus or T.Rex.

      1. BenRG

        Yeah, it’s the bigger subspecies, the Utahraptor.

  35. Josh Spicer

    At least Dina is happy.

  36. Charlotte

    How on earth did that thing get inside the dorm? And without anyone stopping Becky either?
    😀

    1. BenRG

      “See this card? It means that I’m an official aide to a Congressional Representative. Do you want it all over the news that Indiana U makes it a policy to stop Members of Congress from making donations disadvantaged students?”

      1. Clif

        Not sure that Dina qualifies as disadvantaged.

        1. BenRG

          You know that, I know that but the security guard in Clark Wing and the journalist to whom Becky leaks the story wouldn’t!

      2. thejeff

        To quote Robin on getting the landlord to let into Leslie’s apartment “‘cuzza the thing.”

        More seriously, why would anyone stop her? Becky comes in and out to visit all the time. A plush dinosaur might get stares, but isn’t an obvious threat that needs to be stopped.

        1. Charlotte

          But look at how large that thing is. Attracts a lot of attention, quite apart from the physical challenge of moving it.
          (I don’t think it fit it in the elevator.)

  37. WikiDreamer

    This strips alt text combined with my avatar pretty much sums up my thoughts on today’s strip. My heart cannot take this much extra Dina being THIS extra!

  38. Guest42

    “Do not apologize becky you purchased me a gigantic velociraptor” might be the favorite line I’ve read from Willis since the old roomies shirt about a friend for life getting you supplies for your orgy.

  39. Slartibeast Button, BIA

    Utah Republican Mormon Politician Comes Out as Gay

    “After decades of wrestling with who I really am, I’ve come to understand and accept some things about myself,” Nathan Ivie, a first-term member of the Utah County Commission, says in the video, posted Wednesday.

    The story does not mention a new redheaded campaign manger with an undercut, but I am sure the editor just removed it because of a word count limit.

    1. Roborat

      Not just Republican, but also Mormon! Wow, that is unheard of, hope he enjoys what is left of his term.

    2. Jhon

      Wow!
      google is my friend…

  40. Aelfwine

    I feel that Dina is moments away from saying that she wants to have Becky’s babies.

    At which point either Becky panics and bolts, or else it’s actually followed by .

    1. Aelfwine

      “actually followed by -insert future Slipshine-” I meant to write above.

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