284

Saucy
Posted on September 26, 2021 by David M Willis

284 thoughts on “Saucy”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    this is fucking amazing

    now if Joyce would only say that = YOUR HEAD A SPLODE

    1. Clif

      Alternately, Joyce’s explodes when Joe backs her up and then proposes a threesome.

      Won’t happen though. Joe will only think of it later.

      1. Matthew E Davis

        If it were any other girl in the dorms he might do it, but those pesky feelings would preclude the pitch with Joyce, I suspect.

        1. Icalasari

          He may be willing to do that to get Joyce to snap out of this

        2. Yet_One_More_Idiot

          I wonder if Liz knows that she’s being bullshitted (bullshat?) and is just seeing how far Joy is willing/able to take it before she breaks down and confesses the truth? xD

    2. Needfuldoer

      Joe: BACK OFF BABY (this isn’t you, seriously what are you doing)

    3. Decidedly Orthogonal

      Joyce, no. sigh. She has apparently *not* learned that lying carries consequences that, unlike hurting jesus’ feelings, _actually_ affect her and others in the real world. This is also actually more painful than seeing her be a religious jesus afficionado.

      However, I also get the feeling that Liz, being that she might be who she seems, may be seeing through Joyce’s antics. This just increases the painfulness.

  2. Nono

    Joyce: foot fetishist?

    1. Sirksome

      Liz: Foot fetishist.

      1. Yotomoe

        Joe: Hairy feet.

        1. Z

          Joyce: Hobbit fetishist

          (Haha just kidding Joyce was never allowed Tolkien)

        2. Thag Simmons

          Worse than Pagan, he was Catholic

        3. Decidedly Orthogonal

          Catholic *and* he made up false idols and fictitious beliefs that *also* didn’t obviously parrot Christianity.

        4. Shitbird

          I mean, parts of the Silmarillion are kind of obvious parrots

        5. Shitbird

          For example, the parrots!

  3. RacingTurtle

    Joyce’s faces are amazing

    1. Schpoonman

      Aren’t they?

      1. Decidedly Orthogonal

        Panel 3 actually looks like she’s on a dopamine high from being free to be something other than “good christian girl”.

  4. Sirksome

    I know none of what she said is true but I also kind of want it to be and also it might be hard predicting the future.

    1. Lanie

      She’s seen Joe in boxers, and the chest hair claim is only the slightest exaggeration.

      1. Decidedly Orthogonal

        Good grief, you’re right! I’m re-analyzing and realizing, between dexter and monkey master, batman slash-fiction with Amber, Joes boxers, Sarah’s birthday party with alcohol, and Joyce probably sitting there and texting Joe, she might not be outright lying, but simply exagerating some and using terms incorrectly due still to her painful naïveté.

        1. oz

          oh yeah that’s exactly what she’s doing.

    2. Spencer

      She’s seen him naked and in his boxers. She might be legit.

  5. butts

    joe.exe has stopped working

    1. A Red Balloon

      CTRL + ALT + DEL!!!!!

      1. RassilonTDavros

        He truly is at a loss.

        1. Needfuldoer

          Hopefully he can move past it, and heal.

          He’s NOT going to like this phony Joyce though, and I bet he’s going to pull her aside for a “what the hell are you doing, this isn’t you” interrogation before this chapter’s through.

        2. Clif

          Joe has had a heck of a day so far. First, reality cracks with Sal and Danny, and now this.

    2. Slartibeast Button, BIA

      Joe should be checking for pods about now.

    3. Lieutenant Dan

      I can hear this comment.

  6. Yumi

    Too late, my brain broke.

    1. Clif

      Joyce sexually objectifying Joe to his face? Who knew?

      No one expects the [insert something no one expects here].

      1. milu

        The… Portuguese… Investigation?

      2. Sam

        No one expects The French Revolution!

  7. Joe Moose

    I don’t know, but I’m getting this feeling Liz is not buying this.

    1. Jamie

      Of course not. GTA was never on Nintendo.

      1. AMagicalDuck

        Saints Row is tho

      2. Tawdry Quirks

        Well, not yet anyway. Supposedly there’s going to be a Switch version of the remastered trilogy, although it appears to be delayed until next year.

      3. Techhead

        Au contraire! There were releases on the Game Boy Color (GTA 1 and GTA 2) and Game Boy Advance (GTA Advance)

        1. powerpowerpow

          Everyone forgets GTA Advance. I never played it nor the original two though, were there any women of ill repute that you could purchase services from in them? All I know is that the 2D GTA titles were a lot more focused on the “Grand Theft Auto” part of the series.

      4. Thag Simmons

        She’s probably talking about the superior Lego City: Undercover

    2. Lanie

      I am getting a very similar feeling. Even if she did at the beginning, Joyce, um, isn’t selling it very well today.

      1. Nono

        I mean it’s been established that Joyce is terrible at lying.

        1. AlexanderHammil

          I don’t know why we assume Liz isn’t doing the exact same thing Joyce is.

        2. Nono

          Well, Sarah seems to be lending credence to Liz.

        3. powerpowerpow

          Joyce thinks it’s called “friends with a rewards program” whereas we’ve heard Liz joke about throwing a vibrator at her sister.

        4. Decidedly Orthogonal

          Yeah, I don’t disbelieve Liz. Hell, she wasn’t even ashamed of stealing Sarah’s boyfriend, and instead chalked it up to sibling shenanigans. Liz has seemingly no awareness that it was wrong or caused harm.

        5. Spencer

          She didn’t steal Sarah’s boyfriend. Sarah liked this guy, told Liz she didn’t, so Liz went after him because Sarah told her she wasn’t interested.

        6. Decidedly Orthogonal

          You’ve already established that we disagree on what Sarah’s statement means. I don’t agree with your read here. It’s all good Spencer.

    3. RassilonTDavros

      yeah, I think Liz might be prying to see just how far she can push Joyce into saying things that are definitely false.

      really hoping she’s not, like, planning to tell Becky every last thing that Joyce said for shits and giggles.

    4. Thag Simmons

      Best case scenario

      1. Schpoonman

        Juuust over two years ago. Who would have thought we’d come back around to Sal and Danny getting together?

        1. Delavan

          *raises hand*

        2. Decidedly Orthogonal

          Thought… or hoped?

      2. Decidedly Orthogonal

        Or if this is still Danny’s plan, worst case scenario. I mean, I don’t see him _actually_ remembering he even said that, he was ranting, but he did actually *try* and carry through, though the next days, “wait, what?” implies he didn’t seriously think he could succeed.

        1. Spencer

          He thought “wait, what?” three panels later when he went to hit on Sal and realized he was being a dorkus.

          He got upset and then got over it.

        2. Decidedly Orthogonal

          Yeah, that’s one read. There are others, and the waveform doesn’t collapse until Willis publishes.

      3. Decidedly Orthogonal

        Given her intelligence and social awkwardness, what are the odds and innocent query from Dana upsets the buoyancy of the SS SalDanny?

        I’m not calling it, but /luke:I have a bad feeling about this.

      4. elebenty

        Augh, the 6th panel on the following page.

        DYW

    5. Grimey

      It’s Liz’s face in the second panel. It screams “Oh you poor sweet child…”

      1. CC

        “drug parties” “women of ill repute” Joyce tried so hard to be convincing it wrapped back around to just sounding exactly like a cop

        1. Steelbright

          and here was where we did a whole marijuana

        2. Regalli

          Joyce proceeds to describe the plot of Reefer Madness, in detail, having been shown it in its original and immediately panned context as a PSA film by the congregation.

          She bought it as a cautionary tale and has spent the last few months assuming it was just some obscure fundie thing right until everyone else in the room gives up and starts laughing hysterically. Even Sarah has limits.

        3. Steelbright

          I wouldn’t put it past Joyce to be basing her idea of rebellion off of something like that

        4. RassilonTDavros

          Yeah, I winced a little at that line.

        5. Tunasammich

          It was a pretty gross thing to say

    6. Clif

      Liz is not buying it and Sarah is perversely enjoying the train wreck. Being able to deliver that line to Joe alone was worth tagging along.

    7. Keulen

      I hope not because these lies are ridiculously bad. Like “how do you do, fellow kids?” bad.

  8. Throwatron

    this is actually one of the funnier thing i have seen

  9. Stephen Bierce

    “May the hair on your toes never fall out!”–Thorin to Bilbo Baggins

    1. misanthropope

      “Toes, I love hairy toes” – voluptuous elf maiden to Frito Bugger

      1. woobie

        And she wasn’t even in the book!

      2. Otl1973

        I’d guess that is a reference the youngsters (or anyone who isn’t an oldster) won’t get. (Though apparently the book is still in print, which surprises me – I have the original, and didn’t realize there was ever anything else. So maybe some born later than the 50s would have read it…)

        1. zee

          Dude the Hobbit movies came out less than a decade ago of course people are still reading the book, what are you talking about?

        2. NickG

          The Harvard Lampoon parody ‘Bored of the Rings’.

        3. Bicycle Bill

          A classic, although some of the references are dated by now (whatheheck, it was written in what — 1968??) … and yes, it still is in print.  Although there must be countless thousands of earlier copies squirreled away in closets, used bookstores, and the odd Goodwill or Salvation Army thrift shop. Definitely worth the quest to find a copy,

        4. khn0

          found it on the net in less than 12 parsecs

        5. Decidedly Orthogonal

          That was adorable zee. Thank you for counter ballancing Joyce’s anti-Joyce energy.

        6. Plain Marie

          Hey, now. I read the print version in the late 70s, just before the first movies came out. So yes, they are still in print. Although I can’t interest my youngster in reading it since she’s all about Harry Potter, Rick Riorden, etc, ie all the derivatives.

        7. Otl1973

          Again, not Lord of the Rings, but a 1969 parody calledBored of the Ring written by a couple of Harvard students who went on to found National Lampoon.

        8. Clif

          This was followed by a Bored of the Rings video game (later followed by The Boggit, a prequel) and then, in turn, in 2005 by Bored of the Rings: The Trilogy (a movie in two halves).

        9. woobie

          and cowrite Animal House.

  10. Nono

    Also Joyce DOES realise she’s talking Joe up to Liz, right? Known ‘will go after guys because them being attached makes them more attractive to her?’ person?

    1. Spencer

      I don’t think that’s “known”, Sarah told her that she wasn’t interested in the guy Liz went after.

      1. thejeff

        But she claims to have told her that so she wouldn’t want to go after him, which suggests an existing pattern.

        1. Spencer

          Or it could suggest Sarah wanted this guy but when asked went “nerrr feelings are stupid” so Liz took that as an indicator she wasn’t interested.

          If Liz did that deliberately you’d think she’d focus on guys Sarah is interested in.

        2. Decidedly Orthogonal

          Naw. Sarah is very clear why she told Liz he was single.

          There is a stereotype out there about women (some women) going after guys _only_ because they are in relationships. Sarah seems to think Liz fits that mould.

        3. Spencer

          So Sarah told Liz she wasn’t seeing this guy.

          Like, it’s Sarah. She was probably in a corner mooning over him.

        4. Decidedly Orthogonal

          “Yeah, so you wouldn’t want to see him.” -Sarah

          Sarah has told us, *explicitly* why she told Liz she wasn’t seeing him. And yes, it’s also made clear that Sarah *was* interested in him. It’s not clear what part of this you’re not seeming to understand. At that stage, Sarah’s action wasn’t about being iffy about her own feelings, it was about keeping her sister from being interested in a guy that Sarah *was* interested in, and Sarah knew it. There’s a clearly established discussion about it being very likely that Liz has a pattern of behaviour around stealing boyfriends, but these responses make it seem like you’re not reading the comments you’re replying to.

        5. Spencer

          “It’s not clear what part of this you’re not seeming to understand.”

          “but these responses make it seem like you’re not reading the comments you’re replying to.”

          Yeah sorry I don’t engage with shit like this, cheers fam.

        6. aelfwine

          The facts of the matter are that Sarah told her sister she wasn’t interested in him. That’s it, that’s all. The rest is merely Sarah bashing her sister for going after a guy that SARAH HERSELF TOLD HER SHE WASN’T INTERESTED IN, with no single factual point brought up.

          That Sarah’s absurd reverse psychology didn’t work is a bad mark against Sarah, not against Liz. That you’re the one who’s trying to make it as proof against Liz, is what’s absurd.

        7. Spencer

          Seriously.

          I can’t believe I’m the one who “doesn’t understand” when all that strip said was that Liz went after a guy Sarah said she wasn’t into, not that Sarah was dating him.

          Be kinda fucking weird for Sarah to tell her sister that the boy she is currently dating does not interest her!

        8. khn0

          you’re not discussing the same point
          One party speaks about Liz’ knowledge of said guy being Sarah’s target.
          The other speaks of Sarah thinking Liz would go after a guy she’s interested in prior to Liz dating the guy Sarah said she wasn’t interested in.
          Both parties are right.

          Now thank for bringing this because I wouldn’t have known “seeing” meant “being into”, that’s a new entry in my slang vocabulary that I will never ever use IRL. Gosh, does one say IRL anymore? I don’t even know.

        9. thejeff

          Since it started with “Note she didn’t say ‘and single'” and Liz followed with “You told me you weren’t seeing him”, the strong implication is that he wasn’t single and that Sarah lied when she told Liz she wasn’t seeing him.
          The conversation really makes no sense if he was single and Sarah was just pining after him.

        10. khn0

          I’m glad you took time to clarify “seeing”, now updating my vocabulary update, wikifying further my vocabulary.

          Both parties are still right, since one considers the intentions of Liz, and the other the intentions of Sarah, neither of which clearly were communicated to the other prior to the facts with the last guy (because of the guy before).

          [still on team Sarah here, like… almost always]

    2. Z

      She’s trying to be a good Wingwoman.

  11. DailyBrad

    Okay, so, is Liz humoring her, or is she also, like Joyce, just talking a mean game.

    1. DailyBrad

      Whoops, forgot a question mark. Guess I am still processing all of the horror on display here.

    2. Z

      Oooh I like this twist.

  12. misanthropope

    feel like jacob should drop by right about now.

    1. Clif

      That would put a cherry on the top.

  13. EpochFlame

    goodness joyce is getting into it. nice

  14. Leorale

    I truly love how Joyce never does anything halfway.

    1. Decidedly Orthogonal

      When the time comes, Joe won’t know what hit him.

  15. Ghastly

    Joyce heard “Friends with Benefits” once and assumed you get a rewards card that your partner hole punches every time. Get 20 in a row for a free back massage!

    1. Rotunda

      With a tummy wand?

      1. He Who Abides

        Or, if you’re Tomoko, you think it’s a neck massager.

  16. TheKelliestKelly

    This comic is great. Either Liz is humoring Joyce – which is sweet – or she’s just as cluelese – which is hilarious

    1. woobie

      haha I like you

  17. ADLegend21

    god, Joyce went full Shia Lebeouf in I, Robot here.

    1. Warren

      “First off, stop cussing. ‘Cuz you’re not good at it.”

    2. Ntrovert

      Going full Shia Lebeouf in any way, shape, or form is a serious medical condition that requires immediate attention.

  18. Slartibeast Button, BIA

    No Van Dyke?

  19. TheKelliestKelly

    “Ooh, if I almost have all then punches on my Friend Reward card! I can’t wait to ask Joe to help me move furniture.”

  20. TemporalShrew

    Liz is either the most gullible or most patient human being alive for not putting a stop to this *immediately.*

    Why doesn’t the invisible nice guy next to Joe do anything about this?!

    1. RacingTurtle

      I’m gonna blame that invisible nice guy for everything until I forget and stop doing it (anytime between five minutes from now and the heat death of the universe).

    2. Sombrero

      He’s busy eating sandwiches.

  21. miz

    no no, alt text, i want to hear about the rewards program. i’m thinking, what, ten smooches and the next one comes with a free booty squeeze? i’m assuming there’s a card that you get little stamps on.

    1. Proto

      It comes with “hand stuff”. Note that Joyce does not know what hand stuff possibly implies.

    2. Plain Marie

      I for one would have signed up because I’m a sucker for a sticker chart or punch card.

  22. BBCC

    I don’t know if I’m with Sarah or if this is the greatest thing I’ve ever seen.

    1. Clif

      It could be both.

  23. Teddae

    this is somehow the least and the most dumbing of age comic strip i have ever seen

    1. milu

      In what way is it the least?

  24. Sirksome

    You know she’s lying because chances are Danny’s not cool enough to be okay with Joe hotboxing the dorm with his girlfriend.

    1. Needfuldoer

      Maybe if he leaves before they start, and air it out before he gets back, he wouldn’t mind as much?

      I mean it’s all hypothetical anyway…

      1. Decidedly Orthogonal

        “Air it out”, why does _anybody_ seriously think this works? Smoke (of any variety) gets into *everything*. The only people who can’t seem to smell it, are the smokers, conveniently. Seriously, the amount of convenient or naïve gaslighting that takes places between smokers and non- is absurd sometimes. I’m lucky to have avoided it myself, but it’s a perpetual conflict in mis-matched couples except with the truly compassionate smoker.

        1. Jason

          My best friend is an autistic ex-smoker and is as sensitive and repulsed by the smell of cigarette smoke as both of those things suggest. He rents out rooms for none-smoker occupants and is enraged by the couple he’s had that try to get away with it- such as the one who would have a cigarette outside at night, which okay, that sounds fine until you realise it was UNDER HIS OPEN WINDOW.

          Not weed, admittedly, which is apparently much more potent in smell (my sense of smell is… confused) but might linger less than cigarettes? I have no idea.

  25. Kravis

    Goddamnit, Joyce! You broke Joe!

  26. Reltzik

    So, let’s see. Liz wanted to know if Joyce has any hot friends, Joyce introduced Liz to her hot friend, Joyce has just described Joe as a friend with rewa- er, benefits, Sarah’s pointed out that Liz has slept with her boyfriend before…

    …. we’re getting a Liz/Joe Slipshine, aren’t we?

    1. RassilonTDavros

      On the one hand, it seems too obvious.

      On the other hand, though, sometimes the right answer is the obvious one.

    2. Plain Marie

      Yikes, no! Not the Liz! Joe, don’t do it!

      1. Decidedly Orthogonal

        Joeyce isn’t a thing yet. He still is able to play ball.

        Give in to temptation Joe. Sarah perpetually hates you anyways…

        1. Reltzik

          “Oh, hey, Liz is going after a guy I hate, instead of like? … I should feel bad about this, but I don’t feel bad about this.”

  27. Spencer

    There’s a lot to unpack here.

    Joyce is transparently trying to be cool but I honestly can’t tell if she actually knows what “friends with benefits” means. She has actually seen him naked through Roz’s video and we’ve gotten some clues she’s physically attracted to him so I can actually believe she’d find it easy to lie that she’s had sex with him, I don’t think the thought is actually that foreign to her.

    The other thing I want to talk about is that I think Joe might be as bad at being healthy about sex as Joyce, just in a different way.

    Joyce’s beliefs in pre-marital hanky panky are constantly silly but rooted in the idea that sex needs a deep emotional connection (as in, one ordained by God). Joe, meanwhile, seems to be completely incapable of having any kind of healthy thoughts about sex as an emotional connection. Joyce coming clean about her trauma motivated him to change, except that change was complete and total abstinence and once he slept with Malaya he acted like it was game over, as if Joe thinks it’s impossible for him to have sex with women and also be capable of emotionally connecting with them.

    And you know what, I think that’s actually how Joe processes it. It’s not just that he thinks of his sexual partners as someone he really can’t allow himself to be open with, Joe might believe that having sex with someone you care about will destroy what they have, he intrinsically believes he can’t care about someone without destroying them, so unlike Joyce who refuses to entertain sex without strict ceremony, Joe’s only capable of experiencing sex in its least strings-attached way possible and deprives himself of emotional connections that can be formed even just by engaging with casual sex. He’s slept with Roz a few times, do either of them even know the first thing about each other?

    Like I just got to thinking about this, but all of the women Joe has slept with, is the idea of them actually liking him something he could think as possible? Do you think Joe considers himself as anything but a slab of meat when he’s with his sexual partners? Is that something he’d even know how to phrase if he said it out loud?

    1. bejouled

      Oh. OH. I forgot she has seen Joe in a sex tape. And I’ll bet that Joe has no idea she has seen him in a sex tape. I wonder if he’ll ever find out.

    2. Decidedly Orthogonal

      Nicely written up. I feel like if Joeyce is to ship romantically and physically, they’re both going to progress towards a healthier middle ground. Joe will learn to be physical and emotionally vulnerable with someone he’s romantically interested in. Joyce will learn that one can be physical with someone and she doesn’t need all the ritualization and guilt around it, she can just enjoy liking someone and feeling good with them.

  28. JessWitt

    Joyce is a natural improviser. Any chance the university has a comedy troupe?

  29. Dara

    “Friends with rewards programme” is amazing

    joyce, you absolute chaos agent

    1. Decidedly Orthogonal

      Is she channelling Slaanesh’s hedonism here, or just raw chaos?

  30. Tan

    Dumbing of Age Book 12: We’re Like Friends With A Rewards Program

    (I know I am leaving out the uh, I know that is cheating, I am doing it anyway)

  31. Yotomoe

    Honestly I’d be really flattered if a girl PRETENDED that she was friends with benefits with me just to brag to her friends. I dunno I’d be honored.

    1. Schpoonman

      Okay, you say that, but a girl I took on a date last year, who was stringing me along, just a few months ago told our coworkers that it was the first anniversary of me asking her out, which was technically true.

      The problem was she tell not them the rest of the story, where at the end of the date I was told that she wasn’t interested, had never been interested, she just wanted lunch and a chat.

      Part of me thinks that this is what it feels like for Joe. It would be one thing for a(n attractive) friend to say “Yeah, that slab of man meat over there? Totally wrecked me over the weekend.” It is very much another entirely for the party that caught feelings to be used like this.

      That Joyce doesn’t know Joe caught feelings muddies this a little bit, especially when frankly the whole situation plays into Joe’s maintained character, but having been on the other side on the worst possible version of this scenario I think this whole thing just stinks. Joyce should have stuck with “I can’t believe I made myself think the Earth was only 6000 years old.”

      1. Schpoonman

        *The problem was she did not tell them…

      2. Yotomoe

        My condolences. It never got that severe but I have definitely been strung along a bit by girls who wanted nothing to do with me. It’s a rather complicated feeling cuz I enjoy the positive attention but knowing it’ll literally never become anything more is just so hollow feeling. I wanted to tell her to stop flirting with me but like…I also liked being flirted with. It’s a complicated feeling.

        1. Clif

          I kind of feel like, if you wanted them to know, you could tell them yourself.

          A date is not a commitment. The proper response to being strung along is to string them along back. If the lunch and a chat was enjoyable, ask her when she’d like another lunch and a chat. If the lunch and chat wasn’t enjoyable, then why would you want to take it any further anyway.

          If you enjoy the flirting, flirt back. It doesn’t have to be complicated. And if the flirting is persistent and enjoyable, after a while make an offer to hang out.

          If you fall head over heels in love with someone after two sentences, it’s a problem. But it isn’t their problem. And you shouldn’t make it their problem.

          If asking out people who are out of your league is too nerve racking, then ask out someone where you’re out of their league (you know they exist) and consider it practice. Just don’t do it often enough that you’re stringing *them* along. And, of course, it’s always possible that you may like one of them a lot better than you thought you would.

          Life is an adventure.

        2. Yotomoe

          Flirting feels different if you catch yourself catching feelings and know for a fact they don’t. Also I just feel awkward flirting in general? Like it’s not a skill with which I have a lot of confidence. The fear of rejection can make it hard to ask someone out. Even if all these problems are mostly internal it doesn’t make it uncomplicated. I can’t just change how I feel on a dime or turn my emotions off. I can’t always decide not to have my feelings hurt.

        3. Schpoonman

          This is definitely the dirtiest someone has ever done me, but I’ve had more than enough people waste my time that the hollow feeling drowns everything else out. Asshole from work would looove to be friends with me, and she’s bright and sunny and just about everything I like in a person but every time I just look at her it stings and I know even speaking to her isn’t worth it.

        4. Clif

          Maybe there is something I’m not understanding.

          As I understand it, you asked out this girl at work. She accepted. She did not stand you up, she went on the date and presumably you shared a nice meal and conversation. At the end of the date, rather than stringing you along, she let you know she wasn’t interested in anything further.

          I’m just not at all seeing where she did you dirty. It’s not like she owed you anything. What am I not understanding?

        5. Schpoonman

          Actually, I’m owed honesty, since I told her what my intentions were from the get-go. I wasn’t ambiguous when I asked her out, and when her actual words were “I’m sorry I didn’t say this at the start, but I didn’t want lunch to be awkward,” I’m pretty sure she wasn’t being honest.

        6. Schpoonman

          And seriously, you’re just ignoring the whole Joyce-esque lying-to-other-people part? Even if she had actually gone on the date with an open mind and simply decided by the end, nah, this isn’t for me, I’m pretty sure spreading that half-truth when I ultimately was rejected would be fucked up.

      3. Decidedly Orthogonal

        I see your point, and it’s complicated in _Joe and Joyces_ case (as in your own). If I didn’t have romantic feelings for a girl, aside from the dishonesty, I agree with Yotomoe, I would be kinda flattered. That said, I would also probably turn the table on them to mess with them too. Either to tempt them into the real thing, or to ‘give’ them credit far beyond what they were claiming. “Oh yeah, that night was wild. Like when we got the leash on you and you crawled like a kitten for me in my yard. So wild.” But that’s me.

        As for your situation Schpoonman, have you considered sharing more technical truth with your coworkers? i.e. “Yes, it’s also the first anniversary of when she shot me down, and then continued playing with my heart, and convincing you all that we’re a thing when she’s completely uninterested in me, except to fool you all into thinking she’s sweet?” Because, since she’s that kind of person, you really owe her less than nothing, and standing up for yourself can be empowering *and* feel really good. As well, if she’s not called out, she may not learn that what she is doing is hurtful/wrong. If y’all are young enough, your actions could have a meaningful impact on her life and yours.

        n.b. My words are intended to be supportive and provide options, not to make you feel bad or compelled to action. You’re in a shitty situation and have my sympathy. More than anything else be gentle and compassionate with yourself.

        1. Clif

          Joe will think of all kinds of things he could have done. But not until later.

        2. Schpoonman

          Thanks. When one coworker did bring it up I very quickly corrected the misconception, but as far as I can tell she only told a few people and none of the rest of them talk to me normally, so it’s not something I’ve had to deal with except in my own head, which I’m sure we all know is just a lovely experience.

          I did speak to our boss, because holy shit don’t talk about coworkers behind their backs like this, and I didn’t fuck with her reputation at work (yet), but I did tell her what she did was shitty and she mostly leaves me alone at this point. Unfortunately, since she stuck with the technical truth I’m unable to give her “more credit,” but know that given the opportunity I absolutely will because that sounds hilarious.

        3. Decidedly Orthogonal

          It sounds like you’re being very reasonable about it all. Very mature. Not fun, but mature. 🙂 Maybe an 18month anniversary is in your future. ? OTOH maybe enough coworkers know, and with the ladies at least, a discrete modest stoicism may play well. Then again, solidly standing up for yourself can earn you respect of all of your peers.

          However it plays out, best wishes for you bloke. You got this.

  32. Steelbright

    JOyce NO
    this is like the date with Jacob but somehow WAY worse

    1. Clif

      This is like the date with Jacob but WAY better.

      Fixed that for you.

      1. Steelbright

        haha, wait, why better? because Joe is more of a moral grey area?

        somehow i feel it’s MORE awkward and painful this time around but I can’t make a good argument as to why, so I’m open to interpretations ;P

  33. Yotomoe

    I won’t lie, the idea of Joyce and Joe being friends with benefits is…really doing it for me. I almost feel like I’d like that more than them dating.

    1. Throwatron

      zero chance Joe doesnt catch feelings in that arrangement, though. I am unsure about Joyce.

      1. Yotomoe

        Joe trying to be romantic and ask Joyce out and stuff and she’s just like “You knew what this was, Rosenthal.”

    2. powerpowerpow

      Hey, friends with a *rewards program,* thank you very much. Every five times she and Joe have premarital hanky panky, he gives her a free sandwich. Presumably Joe just pulls one that Danny made from his pocket.

      1. Yotomoe

        Man that sounds even better.

      2. StClair

        That’s better than every 50th getting a half-off coupon for an entree at Fazoli’s.

        1. Decidedly Orthogonal

          You misspelt Galasso’s.

        2. Clif

          Good catch.

        3. He Who Abides

          No, it was Mama Bear’s that got crushed beneath the iron toe of Galasso!

    3. Sam

      The main problem with that being I don’t think Joyce would be capable of having such a relationship without catching feelings especially as it would involve her first time. We know Joe can cope with just having flings but I’m not sure he could have the emotional distance when he already HAS feelings. So it would likely cause an emotional implosion.

  34. He Who Abides

    The cringe . . . it BURNS!

  35. Sol

    … I wanted to go back to Joe and Joyce, but I’ve changed my mind. Go back to Sal and Danny.

    1. Clif

      Too late.

    2. Thag Simmons

      In Dumbing of Age the winds rarely favour two ships at a time. For one ship to rise, another must take water

      1. AGV

        One shall rise and one shall fall

        1. He Who Abides

          Two ships enter, one ship leaves!

        2. King Daniel

          The Willis giveth and the Willis taketh away.

        3. Clif

          I think we’re being premature here to declare this ship sunk. It’s just another step in the dance.

        4. Thag Simmons

          Even a sunk ship can like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again

        5. JpNunez

          no ship has sunk without at least some kissing and grabbing before

      2. JBento

        A rising tide sinks all ships.

        1. Decidedly Orthogonal

          That’s… not how that goes. Then again, given what it’s used to justify, the original expression probably has sunk more boats than it’s lifted.

      3. Sol

        It wasn’t even a shipping thing, I just don’t really care for Sal/Danny and I find the interactions between Joe and Joyce fun, but this is. So cringe. I tried to fuse with my chair I cringed so hard.

    3. Schpoonman

      A toe on the monkey paw curls.

      1. Decidedly Orthogonal

        Aren’t monkeys’ feet still feet? And the monkey’s paw has fingers?

        1. Schpoonman

          Shit, my anatomy is all messed up.

        2. Reltzik

          MUTANT MONKEY PAWS!

          ….. oh man I do NOT want wishes from those.

        3. Schpoonman

          I don’t know, based on how regular monkey paws work mutant monkey paws might loop back around and just grant wishes.

  36. adam Black

    The Joe rewards program explains his website.

  37. Segnosaur

    Minor question…. We know joyce is lying about so much right now… But do we know if Joe actually uses drugs of any type?

    No reason to think he would be against it, but its also possible that his particular style of hedonism doesn’t include things like pot.

    1. zee

      He’s probably like, done pot at a party before. Don’t think we’ve seen anything explicit

      1. thejeff

        I don’t think we’ve even seen Joe drink. He’s talked about it, but in a context that we later found to be bullshit.

        1. BBCC

          He seemed genuinely hung over the day he said that he had a threesome. The threesome turned out to be bullshit, but I find it easy enough to believe he went to a party and got wasted.

  38. Varangian

    Joyce…

    Joyce.

    Joyce.

    I…Oh my god. Joyce.

  39. BenRG

    There is no friend less worth having than one you need to create a whole false life to impress. That said, I do wonder if this is more Joyce’s own insecurity and her desire to impress Liz leading her down the path of lying and humiliating herself.

    1. Regalli

      99% certain it’s all Joyce wanting to come off as (her extremely warped impression of) A Cool Kid. Liz doesn’t seem to be buying it any more than we do, and they clearly enjoyed each other’s Facebook presence WITHOUT Joyce being Hardcore.

      1. Needfuldoer

        She could try to handwave that as “keeping up appearances for family”.

        1. Regalli

          Yes, but even before Joyce started trying to be impressive, Liz seems to have liked her and been happy to meet her in person.

    2. Reltzik

      1) I agree with this sentiment.

      2) The literalism lobe of my brain requires me to point out that, yes, there are worse types of friends to have.

      3) Yes, I do have an entire lobe of my brain devoted to literalism. At least, I think I do. I haven’t cracked open my skull to check, but it would explain so, so very much.

  40. Derek

    I must say, I genuinely dislike how Liz’ eyebrows disappear asymmetrically. Either commit to both eyebrows or don’t, but this half thing really looks bad.

    1. Clif

      I’m telling you, there is only one eyebrow that leaps back and forth.

      1. Azhrei Vep

        Like the Olsen “Twins?”

    2. Thag Simmons

      It works fine for a lot of characters but it’s more noticeable on a character like Liz with both thicker eyebrows and a visible forehead

    3. powerpowerpow

      It actually never bothers me until I read the comments and people point it out. My brain pictures it as her just raising the other eyebrow so high that it escapes her forehead and joins her hair for a panel or two.

    4. zee

      Dude she’s just raising an eyebrow and her hair is big, chill out

      1. Derek

        nobody’s eyebrow can raise past their hairline. if her forehead is partially visible, then her some of her eyebrow should be as well. it really strikes me as sloppy to leave it unfinished

        1. Clif

          If you don’t like the artistic style, that is your privilege.

          On a completely unrelated note, if you worship Hitler and fantasize about burning puppies alive, that too is your privilege.

          Hm. I may have left out the part about hating apple pie.

        2. Spencer

          yo what the fuck with that second paragraph

        3. Clif

          You’re right. I should have made the humor clearer by being more over the top.

        4. Thag Simmons

          Now we don’t have time to unpack all of that

        5. thejeff

          How long have you been reading this comic?

          Eyebrows in this world are notoriously unattached to actual faces. Just rising past the hairline is mundane. They’re often seen floating inches above the entire head.
          It’s a cartoony shorthand for showing expressions, it’s not “sloppy” at all.

        6. Derek

          since Shortpacked ended, so…eleven years? floating eyebrows are indeed a stylistic choice to denote surprise or a shocked emotion, but drawing one eyebrow on and not the other one because the hair partially obscures the forehead strikes me as lazy and sloppy. If it’s a stylistic choice, then I’m of the opinion it’s a bad choice.

          Liz is a new enough character that this is not an established trait of hers across many years and frankly I’m hoping Willis changes his mind because it looks plain bad and it takes me out of it every single comic Liz is in

        7. Thag Simmons

          Eyebrows are drawn selectively for a lot of characters in this comic and it looks fine on most of them

        8. Derek

          It’s not fine on Liz.

  41. Amos Batista

    Ugh, I have to lie to my friends about to be a cool guy, too.
    Just hate if they ask me a lot of thing when they figure out I was a weird nerd.

    1. Clif

      Dunno. I find it a lot easier to cop to being a weird nerd up front.

      1. khn0

        I found it easier to do cool things than to rely on a fictive past.
        Ofc depends of your idea of cool. If your idea of cool doesn’t meet what you like to do, you may want to change your idea of cool and own what you do (or don’t do).

  42. TheFlamingonator

    friends woth rewards program: does this mean they have like a rewards card? get a stamp and if u get ten you get a free smoothie?

    1. RowenMorland

      I think you can redeem it over at MA3 for a swirly.

      1. Schpoonman

        I’m still not over Gary and Zii not getting together.

        1. Clif

          But at least he wound up with tentacle girl, so that’s something. But if Gary and Zii got together, they would have to end the comic.

          Oh, wait.

    2. Plain Marie

      Free bubble tea maybe?

  43. Yotomoe

    I want Joyce and Liz to make out for no other reason than aesthetics.

    1. Xenocide

      Purely chaste artistic purposes?

      1. Juanoku

        There is beauty in love
        Also it’s sexy as fuck
        But it’s also beautiful

        1. Xenocide

          That made me think of A Softer World. It’s the kind of thing that would fit in one of their comics.

          And now I’m archive binging when I should be getting up to work.

  44. Raen

    It’s like Malinda Kat dubbed over a porno.

  45. Axel

    I know it’s been heavily suggested otherwise (Sarah’s family isn’t into purity culture, that her sister has dated (and maybe had sex with) a boy, etc, but I love the idea of things being the opposite of what we think: Liz is playing up the bible quotes “just” being for grandma and that she’s with it enough to ask about Joyce hooking up with Joe, but actually Liz is trying to seem cool to the more worldly Joyce and is believing every word.

    It’s not likely but it would be funny.

  46. Tomn

    I know Joyce is supposed to be semi-autobiographical so…is this Willis’s way of exorcising some of the demons of his own cringey past when he’d just broken out of his fundie bubble?

  47. Juanoku

    I think Joe broke
    I think i broke
    What is even real anymore

  48. Rabisch

    This is REALLY sad to see/painful to read… I feel sorry for Joe and Sarah. Expecially Joe, he looks traumatised.

  49. ValdVin

    The faces on Liz here are just incredible.

  50. AGV

    No no, “friends with a rewards program” is perfect

  51. darkoneko

    it’s like 2 parents watching over their respective 13 years old boasting to each other

    1. Plain Marie

      The cringe is real.

  52. Keulen

    DoA Book 12: What is Happening
    or maybe: Just Turn Down Your Brain the Rest of the Way Before it Breaks

    1. Sombrero

      DoA Book 12: You Better Believe That Chest Hair Goes All The Way Down to His Feet

  53. Heather

    I’m cringing so much that if I was physically there I’d already be half way across campus. Dear god Joyce. I love you but there’s only so much I can take.

  54. Marrow

    Poor Sarah doesn’t get the “Nice guy” arrow pointed at her 🙁

    1. Amos Batista

      The semiotic level Willis did put here is so damn high…

      1. Clif

        Also, he’s got a lot of layers of meaning.

  55. Lone Duck

    Joyce… Not only are you trying WAY TOO HARD, for someone who already has amazing friends, you are ignoring clear warning signals from someone you trust. Don’t know how, but you’re going to get hurt.

  56. Koms

    Would Joe be offended by any of this?

    1. Spencer

      Would Joe be offended at the idea of being Joyce’s cool friend she has awesome sex with all the time? Probably not.

      1. Needfuldoer

        Definitely not by that second part.

        1. Spencer

          Joe also wants to be her friend!

          I mean he also wants to be her husband, but that’s for later.

  57. Deviant

    Since when was lying about sexual encounters not a dirtbag move?

    Would it be cool if Joe lied about the same thing?

    1. Reaver

      I mean Joyce has no problem dating a taken man and kissing him so I don’t think lying about sexual encounters is out of her dirtbag wheelhouse lol

      1. thejeff

        She did have problems with it though. It just took her awhile to realize those problems weren’t just coming from fear of punishment by god, but still existed even though she’d lost her faith.

    2. Spencer

      Joe has lied about past sexual encounters.

    3. Daibhid C

      I don’t think we’re meant to think anything about this is “cool”.

      1. Clif

        If I’m not meant to think anything about this is hilarious, I’m going to be so disappointed.

    4. Thag Simmons

      Yes I am definitely getting the vibe that what Joyce is doing is meant to be cool and good and healthy

  58. UrsulaDavina

    Freinds with rewards program so do you get airline miles or is like the Tim Hortons app where occasionally you get a cupon on your next purchase?

    1. Plain Marie

      There’s probably a long distance version where every certain number of miles you travel to see your SO gets you a free gift of some sort.

  59. Geoffrey Moyer

    This is so uncomfortable

  60. Segnosaur

    Minor point… I know joyce is saying it to “sound cool”. But if she wanted to boast about looking at dirty pictures she didn’t have to mention the “dark web” (which is more likely to have… questionable content… Like child pr0n and the like)

    1. Daibhid C

      I mean, the key point here is that Joyce has literally zero clue how any of this stuff works. It’s just a whole bunch of stuff she’s been told is bad, and was never given context for whether some of it might be more bad than others.

    2. Spencer

      There is a slight possibility Joyce thinks all pornography comes from the Dark Web.

    3. davidbreslin101

      “….and after the saucy pictures we ordered black-market Kalashnikovs from the Transnistrian Republic. They threw in some free heroin!”

    4. Raen

      To be fair, I think pretty much anything behind a paywall is technically part of the Dark Web.

      1. Clif

        Or behind a password. Meaning that Joe’s rating list was part of the Dark Web.

    5. Alaric

      I think you’re missing the point, somewhat. Joyce is trying to include everything that she can think of that would have seemed dangerously transgressive to the old Joyce. She’s just dropping the “dark web” in there to check one more box.

  61. Eldritchy

    Once Liz is gone Joyce is going to spontaneously erupt into flames out of all the embarrassment…

  62. Wakeangel2001

    don’t say you look up your porn on the dark web, you’ll get on a list…also the universe where GTA is on the switch is some kind of horrible mirror dimension

    1. Needfuldoer

      Joe doesn’t have a goatee, this isn’t the mirror universe.

      1. Spencer

        This has terrifying implications for Joe’s dad.

        1. Clif

          But it’s the only logical explanation.

    2. Eldritchy

      Maybe Rockstar hired Todd Howard

      1. Schpoonman

        I don’t know, didn’t they rerelease GTAV for the 4th or 5th time last year? Kinda seems like whoever works there is already on the same wavelength.

    3. Zaxares

      That’s what I was going to say! :O I was all “… Joyce, do you have any idea how HORRIBLE porn on the Dark Web is? That’s where you find the REALLY illegal stuff, like kiddie porn or snuff.”

      1. Clif

        Dark Web refers to it’s accessibility, not it’s content. Slipshines are behind a paywall. If you get your porn from Slipshine, you are getting it from the Dark Web.

        1. Zaxares

          While that’s true, it’s also not what most laymen (or law enforcement) would think of when they talk about the Dark Web. We usually use it to refer to stuff that’s hidden off the mainstream Internet, stuff that won’t show up in search engine crawls and the like. There is some truly DEPRAVED shit out there on the Dark Web, and I say this as somebody who’s into BDSM and alt-sexuality.

  63. Aphid

    Oh no joyce why would you do this to yourself.

    1. StClair

      to seem Cool to her Cool Friend!

  64. Bagge

    Any moment now they will start doing keg-stands.

  65. Deanatay

    Joe: Wha… wait, did this happen? Did I somehow score with Joyce during a weed-enfused evening of pleasure, and got so stoned that I forgot about it??

    Sarah: Nawp, too late, ya broke it.

  66. Plain Marie

    I legit LOLed so loudly, I scared my family. Then I had to try to explain why it was so funny.

  67. Drakkin the Alien

    Joe: Is… is this how it feels? …being objectified?

  68. Sombrero

    Panel 5 Sarah and Joe are just one step away from being a thing.

  69. Stu

    I’m waiting for Liz to reveal that she knew Joyce was just making everything up

  70. ValdVin

    Our Joyce has come so far.

    1. Clif

      Now extrapolate and be afraid.

      Be very afraid.

  71. Vulcanodon

    I get the feeling Liz is not sincere in her egging Joyce on here. That Joyce will end up in tears.

  72. JA

    Wow. Joyce broke Joe.

  73. albi is flummoxxxed

    JOYCE NO

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