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Preface
Posted on May 31, 2017 by David M Willis
This month, Dumbing of Age Patreon folks voted for Howard to be featured in a bonus strip. Why would they do that? They just know I'm going to serve up something soulwrenching. You brought this all on yourselves! Reminder: Folks who pledge $5/month or more to Patreon get to see tomorrow's strip a day early!

261 thoughts on “Preface”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    breakups all around =(

    1. BBCC

      *appropriate gesture of support*

    2. Delicious Taffy

      …But I will go, fearless and free

  2. AnvilPro

    Everyone dumps Amber.

    1. newllend(henryvolt)

      She was too good for all of them.

      1. Mr D

        You know what? No. Have you seen all the horrible shit she’s done? She has pushed away almost everyone who cares for her. Having mental issues and past trauma doesn’t give you a free pass to treat people like garbage.

        I’ve had to deal with that shit. My Li’l brother’s father, a man I lived with for 10 horrible years, was a man who pushed away and abused everyone near him because he had bad experiences growing up. He is an old, bitter and hateful man who made my family’s life horrible shit for 10 years, and even after my mum broke up with him he still manages to ruin our life by trying to brainwash my baby brother.

        So yeah, having issues mental issues doesn’t give you an excuse to treat people like shit just because you don’t want to go to therapy.

        1. Fart Captor

          While it’s understandable that you feel that way, there’s absolutely no need for you to get hostile towards people who identify with her as someone struggling with a difficult and untreated mental illness, a history of abuse, and having trouble finding a way to handle those things in a healthy manner, all while – as you noted – pushing away those who would try to support her.
          Especially considering it isn’t that Amber doesn’t want to go to therapy. It’s that her abusive piece of shit dad wouldn’t allow it.

          So while yeah, she’s not great at handling her anger and she’s snapped at people, there’s a lot more to her character than those low moments.

          I’m sorry for what you and your brother have been through, but people who are saying that they like or empathize with Amber aren’t expressing support for your brother’s dad, or even that Amber’s own bad behavior is okay. Amber isn’t him.

        2. steelplatedheart

          She didn’t snap at people, she assaulted people. She’s assaulted multiple people.

          Dude above you was out of line, it was just a joke, yeah, but the response to that isn’t “she’s more than just her low moments” because that’s what they always say. That’s what my girlfriend said when she assaulted me, and it’s what she said the day after she tried to kill herself.

          Amber is a dime-a-dozen narcissistic abuser. She doesn’t get a pass just because she has a character; she stabbed an unarmed person who was being detained by the cops and went on to become a vigilante so she could have a free pass to beat the shit out of people.

        3. Spencer

          So Amber’s never allowed to have a low moment? If she does, does that make her broken?

        4. thejeff

          Rachel was right!

        5. gc

          I’m enjoying that Willis has written Rachel as a parody of half the people in these comment sections

        6. Fart Captor

          I’m not actually bothered by your opinion so much as I am by how you felt the need to respond to me indicating that I sympathize with Amber by basically saying that she’s a violent, abusive monster and always will be.

          I understand that people like who you’re describing exist, and will often claim to have hidden depths and genuine remorse just to trick people into staying. That isn’t Amber. For one, she isn’t the one arguing that, I am. We’ve literally seen her do good, and be genuinely kind and caring.

          And I’ve never said she should be a pass on anything. Does saving Becky or trying to Ryan cancel out stalking and trying to assault Sal and her friends? Maybe not, but it sure as hell makes a difference.

          Though it’s worth noting that most of the times when Amazi-Girl stops a crime, we don’t actually see violence unless someone is in danger. The rest of the time it’s heavily implied that she simply chases them off, or they attack her for interfering.

          The only times she’s attacked someone who wasn’t an immediate threat were while stalking Sal (which I admit was bad enough even without the actual violence), and stabbing her after the robbery. You know, as a child, in the midst of a panic attack, while being egged on by her shitheel father.

          I think she’s a good kid with some serious problems, who has made mistakes and is trying to do better. I don’t care if you disagree, or if you aren’t as willing to forgive those mistakes.

        7. Spencer

          Also when she went after Sal and co. (under the belief that she was going to be exposed and her life was over), she still, like, waited for them to throw the first strike. The only person who got hurt was Malaya and that’s because she actually tried to fight Amber, and then kneed her in the gut when she was taken down.

          Not saying it’s okay, but it’s different than her violently charging at Sal with her fists swinging.

        8. BBCC

          I’d hesitate to give Amber credit for that, considering she made it very clear she intended to fight them regardless (‘I’ve found you underaged drinking. Breaking the law. That makes this so much easier’ is hard to construe as nonthreatening when it comes from a costumed AG and ‘It’ll have to be tonight’ from before she went out). And besides, if Malaya and the rest have to retreat before they can take a swing at her even though she came up to them threatening them, Amber had to retreat from Malaya before she was allowed to strike her (and considering Malaya had to skate up to her first, she can hardly argue she didn’t have time to leave), especially since she was restrained immediately almost after hitting Malaya, preventing her from hitting anyone else even if she wanted to.

        9. Spencer

          The whole point of Amber trying to fight Sal then was “to do it right.” Proving to herself that she’s stronger than Sal and that Sal was just a dirty criminal she didn’t have to be scared of. In fact Willis showed some proto-sketches of the scene where they do just restrain her and leave, and Amber doesn’t fight back.

        10. BBCC

          That doesn’t really change that she’s the one coming up to people, threatening them and picking fights and then claiming the moral high ground.

        11. shammers

          what’s your interpretation of hostile? because to me, that person is just venting. as many seem to do with characters they dislike that aren’t absolute asshats like grampa asshat.

        12. Li

          Hostile is when you vent AT another reader, telling them they’re wrong to identify with Amber.

          If these people were making new comments instead of making their angry rants in RESPONSE to other readers, it would be different.

        13. Fart Captor

          Exactly.

        14. Leorale

          I’m sorry you had to put up with that hateful person, your experience is legit (and must’ve been super sucky).
          Amber is different than that dude though. He’s an adult, who hopefully has been away from his bad upbringing for more than a few weeks. Amber is a teenager who hasn’t learned adult skills yet, and she hasn’t been offered psychological help to refuse or accept it yet. There’s still lots of hope that she will not go in the direction of the ierk who mistreated/mistreats your family.

        15. newllend(henryvolt)

          Wow, If I had a nickel for every time somebody here blew up at me for what I hope is and pretty sure is a none offensive joke, But I have already learned by that on the internet almost a lot of things you say will inevitably piss someone off.

          Though one thing I think anyone should never get used to is being told who we should or shouldn’t be allowed to sympathize with. Sure maybe we’ll all guilty of doing exactly that at one point and yeah there are people who are who shouldn’t always get a free past just because they claim not be in the right state of mind, but that shouldn’t stop every single person for feeling basic compassion for others suffering through stuff like this.

          Mr D I’m sorry about what your step father did to your family, and the right is yours to choose not to forgive him or not. But even though we’re talking about a fictional character right now there are plenty of real people out there like Amber who are desperately trying not to become what your step father is and I don’t think it’s healthy to take your anger out on them for mistakes some other selfish self destructive man did.

          Or at least that’s just how I see it, no need to take me seriously.

        16. AnvilPro

          I can see where you’re coming from and I partially agree. I feel bad for her but think she may have went too far in trying to push Danny away, especially doing it after a moment where Danny was just trying to comfort her after one of the darkest days in this comic.

        17. Flakky

          Yet here we are with you ranting at some hapless person who was just joking around.

        18. Delicious Taffy

          This is darkly amusing, in the most repulsive way.

        19. Lokitsu

          I understand the reasons for your anger, but Amber has much more than “mental issues”. I have issues (severe depression and possibly bi-polar); Amber believes that she’s two different people. I don’t know what the diagnosis would be-maybe diasociative disorder, maybe schizophrenia? Either way, she probably needs medication, definitely needs counseling and possibly needs to be hospitalized. Right now she can tell right from wrong (which is why it’s reasonable to be angry at some of the things she’s done) but that’s not necessarily a given as her problems progress.

        20. thejeff

          Though there has been nothing official – since in-world Amber hasn’t seen a therapist and been diagnosed with anything – several commenters with Disassociative Identity Disorder have identified with Amber and said she matches their symptoms fairly well. She has other issues as well – the Amber persona had serious panic attacks at contact with Sal, for example.

          I’m not sure about medication, but counseling and therapy are definitely in order.
          “tell right from wrong” is more of a legal standard than a medical or moral one and I’m not sure it’s really useful to apply here. (Or frankly anywhere, but that’s a different rant.)

        21. BBCC

          Yeah, the general idea in the comments seems to be she probably has a dissociative disorder, either DID or DDNOS Type 1. Some others have suggested it may be BPD. It is almost certainly not schizophrenia – it doesn’t work that way.

        22. Lokitsu

          The only reason I mentioned right from wrong was because I’m worried that her lawyer will have to argue that in front of a jury someday.

        23. Viri

          So feeling like you have two different “mindsets” or personas (for lack of a better term, no memory issues, but two different “personalities” or ways of thinking and you identify with both/know that both are the “real” you) that kind of flow back and forth is an identity disorder?

          That’s what I see in myself after my trauma and I can also sort of see it in Amber as well. Just transitioning between the mindset that can’t handle a situation to one that can. The self that cares and tries to see the best in people and wouldn’t hurt anything intentionally (except for maybe mosquitoes) and the self that sees no issue with doing whatever it takes to survive including discarding morals, seeing other people as either obstacles, things to be used, or just sort of there. I refer to whichever mindset isn’t dominant or present at the moment as “she” as well because it is a little too detached or different from the current me to refer to it as “I” or “me” even though I know quite well that it is.

          I can see the struggle in Amber to re-consolidate the two selves into a whole again as I see it in myself. And I know firsthand that until self-worth and self-respect returns, the mere presence of the “bad” self is enough to incite feelings of shame and worthlessness. It’s an awful spiral and I feel like Amber is trying to gain some self-respect and redemption through channeling that “bad” self to do things that have a good outcome even if the method is more chaotic than most, though it backfires if she’s completely blinded by her trauma at the time.

        24. Halpful

          If you read the comments on previous amber strips, there’s some really great discussion of DID (especially Cerberus’ comments). Although as one commenter pointed out, it unintentionally ignores OSDD and related stuff.
          Gem fusion makes a great metaphor for some of the concepts involved. 🙂

        25. StClair

          Here, let’s swap gravatars. This one definitely suits you better.

    2. Kris

      Especially Amber.

  3. Kris

    Relax. She’s your reporter not your wife.

    1. MatthewTheLucky

      There’s no relationship more sacred than a superhero and their Lois.

      1. Kris

        They’re dorm neighbors. They can see each other everyday.

        1. MatthewTheLucky

          That just makes this harder. Dorothy’s going to see her everyday and know that some other girl is being told exploits of daring-do.

        2. Pablo360

          Derring-do is heroism. Daring-Do is a pony.

      2. OnyxIdol

        I have been thinking about this, and I realized, Spiderman/Peter Parker is his own Lois.

        1. MatthewTheLucky

          As a teenager, he did a lot of self-journalism.

        2. Emperor Daniel

          “Journalism.”

        3. Delicious Taffy

          What else do you call photographing yourself and selling the pictures for cash?

        4. NelC

          Photographing yourself shooting web.

          I’m just going to leave that there.

        5. Delicious Taffy

          Hey, it almost pays one of the smaller bills.

        6. Deanatay

          So, he’s a camwhore?

          Yep, seems about right.

        7. Delicious Taffy

          Nah, he’d have to spend three hours standing in front of a webcam in his underwear, with music playing just loud enough to be audible but not loud enough to be recognised. muttering and typing something every few minutes. Also, demanding ridiculously high tips for the most mundane of things, then complaining when nobody’s tipped enough to clear his $50 “Spin in a Circle 5 Times” tier.

        8. desolation0

          And the relationship between Spiderman and his Lois is just as screwed up as the rest most of the time.

  4. achallenger

    thisis week is like emotional bumpercars!

    1. Doctor_Who

      Drama Dodge’ems

      1. Delicious Taffy

        Dragon’s Dodge-ma: Drama Arisen

  5. Hellespont

    I think we should see other people. In different states. Of different countries. But we can still stay in touch. By smoke signal. You like starting fires, don’t you? That will be fun.

    Or is that just my exes?

    1. BBCC

      What, that’s not a normal post breakup situation for everyone?

      Huh. Excuse me, I need to reconsider a few things.

      1. missilentmurmur

        I tend to become friends with them ~2 years after the break up

        1. Delicious Taffy

          I tried that with a guy, once. It didn’t turn out well, since he was the only one who thought we were dating. Also, the initial breakup happened shortly after I got a girlfriend, which made him jealous since now he couldn’t control my time. It took just about two years to even contact the guy again, and he spent basically the rest of the friendship after that holding petty grudges. I ended that last November, to the detriment of nearly my entire social life. To paraphrase Ruth, I acted with integrity and have no regrets.

          With that preamble out of the way, how does that tend to go for you? I imagine it’s at least a bit awkward, at first?

        2. missilentmurmur

          I only have two exes altogether, so it’s not at all significant statistically, but in both cases the relation can be described as cordial. Yes, there is a lot of awkwardness in the beginning, especially in the case of the latter, because he spent half a year as a psychiatric inpatient and I was tiptoeing around. They are both very rational and self-aware, so they decided that they value my company over holding grudges. Actually, the final test of it was a few weeks ago at the wedding of a common friend, we first met in person since the break up. It turned out that we both benefit from that we care about each other.

  6. Showler

    Amber’s hair seems to be consuming her face.

    1. Fart Captor

      I like it. It both looks cute and fits her personality.

    2. Needfuldoer

      It’s something to hide behind that she can take everywhere! Like a portable lobby chair fort!

    3. Emperor Daniel

      Is this the mythical covfefe?

      1. Delicious Taffy

        That’s a made-up word, and you’re ruining the concept of written language.

        1. begbert2

          Actually Trump ruined it then, since that was a trumpism. Specifically, he used that in a word in a tweet and the Merriam-Webster dictionary tweeted resigned defeat at the idea of explaining its definition and announced it was going back to bed.

          So yep, written language is ruined. Via the most predictable route imaginable.

        2. Delicious Taffy

          I was being facetious. Trump is just copying Sarah Palin for attention.

  7. butts

    “what’s her name”

    “…Schtickshift.”

    1. MatthewTheLucky

      Yes.

    2. UltraKyrie

      Give us Schtickshift Willis, the people demand it

      1. Delicious Taffy

        How many people are really demanding a superhero named Schlickshift, though?

        1. zoelogical

          me
          and not Schlickshift, Schtickshift. there’s a difference. imagine: a superhero who can completely change their form in order to borrow other people’s shticks. like taskmaster from marvel but better

        2. Delicious Taffy

          Taskmaster is a punk.

        3. zoelogical

          one time he got beat up by deadpool

        4. zoelogical

          u know what i changed my mind, this is rogue’s alternate alternate identity

  8. Stephen Bierce

    *looks in the pile of breakup songs*
    *plays Chicago’s “Call On Me” on the hacked P.A. speakers*

    1. m-m

      Can’t wait for the “come back to me” hacked boom box

    2. Needfuldoer

      *Replaces “call on me” with “covfefe” in the karaoke lyrics*

    3. Delicious Taffy

      Not my “Call On Me” of choice, but it’s decent enough.

  9. Adam

    “she says all the right things at exactly the right time”…
    https://youtu.be/rZoD8JEFjAE

    1. Keulan

      But she means nothing to you and you don’t know why…

      1. Adam

        “But you’ll just sit tight/And watch it unwind
        It’s only what you’re asking for”

        1. Keulan

          And you’ll be just fine/With all of your time
          It’s only what you’re waiting for

    2. Delicious Taffy

      I almost forgot that song existed. If this site allowed bluetext, I’d have the bluest “Thanks” you ever did see, typed up for your viewing pleasure.

  10. BBCC

    Awwwwwwww, it’s okay, Amber. Dorothy was running around with all kinds of OTHER extracurriculars on you. You’re too good for that! 😛

    1. Delicious Taffy

      Dorothy is like the protagonist from Huniepop, but with less risk of catching an STD.

  11. MatthewTheLucky

    So…
    DorothyxDanny is over.
    EthanxAmber is over.
    DannyxEthan isn’t happening, thanks to Mike.
    and we just lost DorothyxAmber.

    1. Nono

      EVERYONE GETS DUMPED ON THOSE STEPS

      1. BBCC

        Wrong steps.

        1. SgtWadeyWilson

          The first step is admitting you have a problem recognizing steps. The second step is admitting you have a problem recogni- Wait, let me start over!

        2. Deanatay

          Everyone gets dumped ON STEPS.

          If you love someone, stay away from steps!!

          (Heehee, glad that’s not true in RL – my SO and I differ in height by about a foot, so steps are an integral component to making out.)

    2. Pablo360

      Clearly the only solution is

      um

      fuck I can’t make a valid solution out of that without involving Mike or going against Ethan’s sexuality

      Darn thee, David!

      1. Cass

        She could always have Faz! No matter how much she wishes otherwise.

        1. Delicious Taffy

          She would never date a worthless person, though.

        2. Halpful

          I… Don’t think I’m comfortable with the phrase “worthless person”. Regardless of context.

        3. Delicious Taffy

          Yeah, I guess “person” is too strong a word for Faz.

        4. Needfuldoer

          Faz is her stepbrother.

        5. Delicious Taffy

          He’s also a piece of shit.

        6. begbert2

          He’s been worse. I found this Faz kind of sympathetic, heavy on the pathetic. He was just clueless and desperate and clearly in a bad situation. With Shortpacked Fax none of that (except ‘clueless) applied.

        7. Delicious Taffy

          I have absolutely no idea how you managed to read a single sympathetic trait from that collection of lines and colors so barren, the word “character” seems like a wild exaggeration. He knows exactly what he’s doing, and thinks it’s a positive trait. The only desperation involved in his presence is everyone else’s desperation to get him away from them. I’d like to call him zero-dimensional, but that would imply he’s imperceptible, so one-dimensional will have to suffice.

        8. zoelogical

          idk like. i guess i found Faz super-annoying? that dude who hits on you who just Cannot Take a Hint and you never really know what’s going on over there and tbh that’s for the best, you don’t really want to know. ever. bye

          but he wasn’t, like, evil. just really annoying. i kind of figured it was a side effect of trying to ingratiate himself with a culture that would never fully accept him

        9. zoelogical

          i swear to god i have a semi-real Faz-type in my life who is…not so much with the creepy smiling. but the creepy trying to get close to me, A Person In His Workplace Who Cannot Leave Her Station and Was Often Isolated. the first time i had the displeasure of making his acquaintance he came up to me and was like, “hey. you’re here. do you like it here. i’m going to be HR manager someday. we’re friends, now, right? so you’ll send all the customers for my department over to me, right?” gentle reader, i was to find out later that he is a cashier who does not make commission. at the time i quietly demurred, agreed, and generally tried to get him out of my hair.

          other interactions include: the immortal instance when he asked me if i ever took my glasses off (no, because i like being able to see and read); and probably others that my memory has consigned to oblivion because i have better things to do with my time. but like definitely a part of my discomfort was the distinct feeling that, like, he was just investing those parts of his time in me because i’m really white and look easy to manipulate.

          and i dunno! apparently it is kind of a thing for people who have to negotiate that boundary between not completely unwhite but also not white enough ™ to just… well, as a white person, it’s really easy to just go with the status quo. to defy it takes hard work and determination and, like, a sheer level of gutsiness that not everybody has it in them to do even when it’s necessary to do. and i mean nobody is at fault for, like, being victimized by a culture that doesn’t see everybody as people. but you still get to be responsible for what you put out into it, i feel like. what i’m saying is that biracial people get a Certain Level of Confusing Shit thrown at them and their identities that other people don’t to the same extent.

          and i guess i always felt like a significant part of faz’ attraction to amber was her whiteness and her ability to be intimidated. it’s that intersection of cultural value and personal power; which don’t get me wrong makes it super creepy!!!! but also makes it more complicated than just a dude, i guess. a mixture of pathetic and sad and oh-god-please-stop.

    3. darkgloomie

      Danny/Ethan was never going to happen anyway, they both agreeed they couldn’t do that to Amber (whether that was a good reason is left up to the reader)

      1. Delicious Taffy

        A better reason is Danny’s bizarrely over-sensitive skin.

        1. begbert2

          I assume you’re saying he tans really easily, otherwise I have no idea what you’re talking about.

        2. Delicious Taffy

          There are things some readers are better off not knowing.

  12. Nono

    So how long before Amazi-Girl wakes up one morning next to a copier girl?

    1. Delicious Taffy

      Are you referring to a Skrull, or something?

  13. newllend(henryvolt)

    …For some odd reason I needed this laugh today, thanks.

  14. Passchendaele

    “We just can’t be together like this anymore.”

    “Should we just be friends?”

    1. Delicious Taffy

      “No, that’s the problem. Dorothy, I-”
      “Not so fast, Amber!”

  15. Fart Captor

    I don’t care for the way Amber continues to not be hugged :/

    1. Reltzik

      She might be thankful for the lack of human contact. Because, you know. People.

      1. Fart Captor

        #NotAllPeople

        1. Delicious Taffy

          Excuse me, I don’t classify myself as a “person”, so that sort of mortalonormative hashtag lacks inclusivity and implies us non-people should be viewed in a negative light, by extension.

        2. Deanatay

          #WeAreNotAllPeople

      2. Leorale

        As long as they ask permission first, and are just as happy with a high-five instead if she prefers. 🙂

      3. Halpful

        Worse, she might want both hugs and not-being-touched at the same time. 🙁

        1. Leorale

          Weighted blankets for everyone! :0

        2. Delicious Taffy

          Weighted training clothes are more efficient. It’s like constantly being hugged, and you can make gains while doing everything you normally do.

      4. OnyxIdol

        I don’t care for the way she still hasn’t gotten a therapist.

        1. OnyxIdol

          This was supposed to be an answer to Fart Captor.

        2. Fart Captor

          Hugs AND a therapist would be ideal, but that doesn’t seem likely to happen in the near future

    2. Gesc

      Part of me wonders if she would react badly.

      The other part of me wonders if whoever hugs her lasts long enough they’ll see her have a meltdown.

  16. ValdVin

    Amber will understand. Won’t she? She’ss been showing off in her Comp Sci class, and appreciates Dorothy needing to concentrate on schoolwork.

    1. Delicious Taffy

      Amber might understand, sure. Her Symbiote, on the other hand, might have some quibbles.

  17. tim gueguen

    The Patreon strip preview panel is a lie.

    1. Reltzik

      So it’s NOT filled with the blues?

      1. Delicious Taffy

        Howard: “Don’t got no parents, no mom or no dad/It’s ‘sayonara’ to the good times we all had/I still got my grandpa, I still got my sis/But I just really wish the other car’d missed.

        Ruth: “Howie, that’s dark as fuck.”

        Clint: “Just let the boy sing out his sorrows, Ruth.”

    2. James DeRiven

      I’m assuming it is the day Enterprise was cancelled.

      1. Delicious Taffy

        If by “Enterprise”, you mean “Mom and Dad Lessick”, then yes.

      2. Reltzik

        That was 12 years ago, comic time. Howie would have been 4 or 5.

  18. pjeseb

    Dorothy doesn’t want to see other people. She doesn’t have TIME to see other people. That’s the main problem.

    1. Delicious Taffy

      This is why she needs that time-travel necklace from Harry Potter.

  19. Bagge

    OK, NEW PLAN, EVERYONE STOP HAVING CONVERSATIONS BY THE STAIRS AT NIGHT. SOMEONE’S GETTING DUMPED AND I FULLY BLAME THE STAIRS!

    1. Reltzik

      Well that escalated quickly.

      *flees up the stairs for dear punning life*

      1. Bagge

        NO! YOU STEP DOWN IMMEDIATELY!

        1. Reltzik

          No! I’m taking flight!

        2. Koms

          I can’t help stairing at these puns and making bad puns of my own. But I can never climb up to the level of a good pun. Baby steps.

        3. Leorale

          In any Case, the puns Floating around here are about to Spiral out of control.

        4. Reltzik

          Really? Here I thought they were coming to a safe landing.

        5. Emperor Daniel

          Let’s not get stair-y-eyed over puns, folks.

        6. SgtWadeyWilson

          I’m sure we can make a safe landing if we take it one step at a time.

    2. Kryss LaBryn

      Blame it on the rain that was falling, falling,
      Blame it on the moon, that didn’t shine that night,
      Whatever you do, don’t put the blame on you…

      –Yeah, I’m old. Sue me. XD

  20. Reltzik

    It’s okay. Amber’s a gamer. She knows all about dialogue being on a rail.

  21. Keulan

    I didn’t realize Amazi-Girl and Dorothy were dating. And apparently Dorothy was with her and Walky at the same time! Damn, she’s not as good a girl I thought she was. /s

    1. Delicious Taffy

      So, Danny (Dorothy’s ex) dated Amber (in some capacity), after Dorothy broke up with him. After Danny Gets Dumped 2: Superhero Shanghai, Dorothy and Amber meet and find they have common ground. They start a relationship based entirely around not dating Danny. And now, Dorothy wants to postpone this relationship.

      Wow, she really is kind of a Disney’s Bongo, a Musical Story Sung by Dinah Shore.

      1. Delicious Taffy

        (Please let someone else know what the fuck that even is…)

    2. MatthewTheLucky

      “I can’t believe you’ve been cheating on me with a superheroine!”
      “I’m sorry, Walky. I’ll stop seeing her.”
      “Whoa whoa whoa, let’s not be too hasty here.”

      1. Rukduk

        …Walky would say that wouldn’t he? Also probably something along the lines of “I’m going to need details. To uh, see if I’m comfortable with a poly set up. Yeah. That’s why I need the details. No other reason. None at all.”

        1. Delicious Taffy

          I keep telling my girlfriend to keep an eye out for flirty superheroes, for exactly this reason.

        2. HMH

          Walky wouldn’t know what “poly” is, but he’d immediately be okay with it before he found out it was even a thing if there was even a 1% chance he could have a threesome with his girlfriend and a literal superhero.

  22. Rukduk

    Poor Amber. And today started out so well.
    *looks at patreon preview panel*
    …Goddamnit now my soul has been firmly wrenched from my body and played with like a ball of yarn in the paws of a cat.

    1. BBCC

      You should read the whole strip.

      1. Delicious Taffy

        At least some of us are safe from the trauma.

      2. Rukduk

        I’m not strong enough to do that.

  23. Delicious Taffy

    Well, that preview image is just wonderful. I’m just going to make a wild guess here, and say that it’s part of a flashback to after their parents died. And I’m sure you can just count on good ol’ Clint to say something fucking horrible to one of the kids. Enough speculation, though. It’s not really my forte, and I’ll probably be proven wrong.

    At any rate, this strip is pretty alright. The hovertext brings back wonderful memories of a screaming David Schwimmer. All Ross ever fucking did was have outbursts over nothing and stare softly at things, and he could be written out of the show without it ever losing anything.

    1. Delicious Taffy

      Come to think of it, Ross behaves exactly like a sex offender I lived with.

      1. Delicious Taffy

        No, never mind, the sex offender was capable of making a decent joke every now and again.

        1. Delicious Taffy

          Christ, I just compared a poorly-written character from a crappy sitcom to an actual, real-life sex offender I spent nearly 2 years trying to escape. That must be the sleep deprivation talking, because Ross is nowhere near as horrid as that skeeze. This is what happens when I let Doug do the talking.

  24. Pigeon Pollyx

    okay i’d like to comment on today’s strip but that patreon strip sent me to hell

    1. SgtWadeyWilson

      Wow, they have internet in Hell? Maybe I should start believing in it. /sarcasm

      Also, dang… should I be glad I don’t have access?

      1. Delicious Taffy

        Hell’s internet is free, unlimited, faster than the fastest speeds available on Earth, and each computer has a built-in ad blocker. It’s actually fucking incredible, like most things in Hell. The torture you hear about comes from constantly being reminded how shitty everything on Earth was.

  25. ValdVin

    By panel five Amber is standing on the top of a handrail. In the near-dark.

    If I didn’t know what she was physically capable of, it might worry me a touch.

    1. Delicious Taffy

      Luckily, this is a girl who can wall-jump her way up a building on a whim.

  26. Absorbingman

    Dorothy is a terrible politician. Seriously. You send an aid to do this kind of stuff.

    1. Delicious Taffy

      I’m sure that would make Amber feel so much better about it.

  27. Whirlwitch

    “Did you ever know that she’s my heee-roooo…”

    1. Delicious Taffy

      It’s pronounced “yee-roe”.

  28. Gesc

    Welp talk about breaking AG’s pedestal while making Amber feel bad at the same time.

    Multitasking!

    1. Delicious Taffy

      She hasn’t had enough, yet. The night isn’t over, so she can take plenty more.

  29. brionl

    Yeah, well, Amazi-girl likes to fight around.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1tM4kQkLcY

    1. Delicious Taffy

      I thought this was the Dragon Ball Super Abridged clip, and now I’m disappointed.

  30. OnyxIdol

    Dorothy, don’t make yourself smaller than you are. You have every right to be content with what you are doing with your life. Also, Amazi-Girl isn’t exactly a great role model once you get to know her.

    1. Emily

      Dorothy’s idolization of Amazi-girl is by far one of her greatest lapses in judgement.

      1. Sam

        It is less a lapse of judgement and more that based on what she knows, her judgement is accurate, but based on what we know, that judgement would likely change if she did know more. Dorothy hasn’t gotten to see the cracks and the bad the way Danny and Sal have, so to Dorothy, AG just appears to be a confident and brave woman without insecurity or fear that is a vigilante who prevents crimes. That would seem inspiring to people that don’t get to see the dark depths, the struggles and the suffering that exist behind it all.

        1. Emily

          She’s a violent vigilante who isn’t dealing with literaly supervillains that should be all you need to know to know to determine someone is not role-model material.

    2. Delicious Taffy

      She’s not a great role model if you’re just looking at her from a distance.

  31. Dana

    What a weight off my mind. I was worried Amber wasn’t isolated enough.

    1. Poskie

      RIGHT??? Who’s she going to talk to now? Oh, just her own increasingly split personality. That’s healthy.

      1. Delicious Taffy

        It’s extremely healthy. She should honestly just let go of herself and let Amazi-Girl take over for good.

        1. thejeff

          But then who would Amazi-Girl blame for all the bad things she does?

        2. Delicious Taffy

          Sal, Danny, or Blaine.

        3. Spencer

          She doesn’t blame the first two for anything anymore.

          That she internalizes everything Blaine did is also, you know, a bad thing. It’d be progress if Amber could pin the responsibility of her trauma onto Blaine rather than herself.

        4. Delicious Taffy

          I fail to see how blaming Blaine for how he raised her is a bad thing.

        5. Spencer

          That is what I just said.

          Amber blames herself for being abused, for having anger problems because of that abuse, and for the fallout of the robbery, when all of that is on Blaine.

        6. Delicious Taffy

          Then I’m left wondering why you brought it up, since I gave Blaine as an example and you agree with that. At the time of this posting, I’ve been awake for far too long, so I apologise if I’m missing something important.

        7. Spencer

          I was pointing out how Amber doesn’t blame Sal or Danny for anything anymore, and that she extends the same to Blaine when she shouldn’t.

        8. Delicious Taffy

          Agreed. The only thing she should be extending to Blaine is a restraining order.

    2. Emily

      That’s what happens when you push everyone who isn’t unfailingly uncritical of your harmful coping mechanisms away.

      1. Spencer

        It’s almost like she’s going through a catastrophic mental breakdown or something.

        1. Emily

          I’d be more sympathetic if she weren’t dealing with it by brutally assaulting petty criminals.

        2. Spencer

          Yeah Ryan and Toedad are so petty.

        3. Delicious Taffy

          Not to side with a moeblob, but Ryan and Ross aren’t the only people Amber’s physically attacked.

        4. Spencer

          Yes all those important nameless faceless personality deprived blokes oh the horror.

          Seriously there’s been exactly one time where Amazi-Girl punched someone and it was played for horror and drama. Otherwise she’s protecting someone from being assaulted (like Danny) or it’s a joke, and we don’t get those anymore because now we’re focused on the darker side of what was once a wacky superhero light drama thing.

          You might as well get mad at Batman for punching the Joker.

        5. Delicious Taffy

          There’s a certain vandal who could make a very convincing case for battery. Punching isn’t the only form of physical violence, after all. Heck, that same vandal may even be able to at least press sexual assault charges, depending on how he felt about her climbing on him.

        6. Spencer

          I feel so bad for the guy who was tagging a stop sign for no reason.

        7. Emily

          So it’s okay to assault people as long as we don’t know their names that’s totally how morality works sure.

        8. Spencer

          It’s a series with a cartoon superhero running on comic book logic whenever it feels like it, so yes.

        9. Charles RB

          This is my problem with Dorothy’s “AMAZI-GIRL IS AWESOME” bit – Amazi-Girl runs around looking for fights (and trying to start them in the vandal’s case and IIRC a Sal run-in) so she can beat people up. The more the rest of the strip plays semi-real and the more we see of Amazi-Girl not being healthy & those times she’s wanted to start a punch-up, the more that gets reeeeeal weird like Dorothy’s forgot what genre of strip she’s in

        10. Delicious Taffy

          I’m sure Dorothy understands that some people just need to beat up a few guys, every now and again.

  32. BBCC

    So, I probably will not be commenting on main any time soon. It’s nobody’s fault from here, just folks I knew on Facebook basically basically whining about the wage increase in Ontario and so now I’m incredibly pissed off and none of you deserve to deal with me on a bad day for something that isn’t your fault.

    1. BBCC

      Ignore this, I found some stuff that makes me feel better.

      Off topic, but I recommend you guys check for things like town halls if you’re in the US and spread the word of them if you’re not. Check this out: http://blenderbender1811.tumblr.com/post/161253032690/so-your-reps-and-senators-are-on-recess

      1. Halpful

        Yay feeling better 🙂

        I might have out my mind back together too. *Facepalm* it’s way too much like trying to be Opal.

        1. Delicious Taffy

          Opal, schmopal. Malachite’s where it’s at.

        2. BBCC

          You misspelled Sugilite.

        3. Delicious Taffy

          I guess Sugilite is better than Sardonyx, at least.

          Come to think of it, is Opal the only Fusion who hasn’t been formed through some sort of dodgy business? I guess there’s Big Topaz, Smoky Quartz, Garnet, and Stevonnie, but half of those involve Steven, one is an anti-villain, and the other is in most of the dodgy Fusions.

        4. BBCC

          I was gonna ask when Sugilite was formed dodgily but then I remembered the END of that episode where Sardonyx debuted.

          There’s also (SPOILERS)

          Rhodonite and Fluorite. Rhodonite is Ruby/Pearl and Fluorite is 6 different gems.

        5. Delicious Taffy

          Well, now that I’ve caught up on the latest episodes. I’m not sure Rhodonite’s fusion is entirely on the level. Fluorite seems cool, though.

        6. Delicious Taffy

          Random thought about Fluorite: I get the feeling Sal would like her, for some reason.

        7. BBCC

          TBF, Rhodonite would have been shattered by her owner for existing. Same as Garnet’s original situation and she was sure jumpy until she found Rose Quartz.

    2. JBento

      Glad you’re feeling more upbeat! ^_^

      “People who are paid the least are going to get paid more, and that’s horrible!” – who does this? O_o

      1. BBCC

        People who think only those who go to college deserve to eat and pay rent.

        Also – people who don’t realize that most people working minimum wage nowadays are actually adults who are over qualified to work there and are working full time, not part time teenagers anymore. And people who buy that higher wages = higher cost of living and lower employment (studies show it doesn’t, but businesses will yowl that it does until the end of time).

  33. brasca1

    Just had to choose the steps didn’t you Dorothy?

    1. Delicious Taffy

      The enchantment doesn’t work if both parties have already been separately affected by it, so these two are mostly safe.

  34. SGT Anonymous

    Please let Amber get some help. I’m not going to say I know someone who went through something similar, because I AM someone going through something similar. Something bad happened and I let it ruin my life. I broke off contact with anyone who meant anything to me because I “knew” I was holding them back. I let my fear ruin my marriage and cost me my job and my house. Years later I’m still trying to rebuild Even now that I’m getting help I have trouble forming friendships and even talking to family. I know it’ll seem boring to a few, but it hurts to see someone (even a fictional someone) self destruct like I was.

    1. Delicious Taffy

      But she doesn’t need help. That would imply she has a problem.

    2. Spencer

      Yeah, I hear you. This entire chapter of Amber being isolated and miserable has really sucked for me. I share the same belief that I’m inherently worthless and have ruined friendships because I assumed that them not being forced to be around me anymore meant they were free of obligation.

      I really want things to start improving for Amber soon. It sucks to just wade through all this mud.

  35. BenRG

    You know, without context, someone could get completely the wrong impression about this conversation! Of course, that’s the joke, isn’t it? 😉

    1. newllend(henryvolt)

      Someone picks today to find this comic.

  36. zoelogical

    dorothy: “i’m sorry, i’ve decided to get a different haircut.”

    1. Delicious Taffy

      If anything, Amber’s the one who should cut her hair.

      1. zoelogical

        eh. like. if it makes her feel more comfortable then more power to Amber honestly

        i’m just really amused by the idea of Dorothy getting an impractical college shame haircut.

  37. AlexDenton

    OMG that alt text XD So many memories ^^

    1. Delicious Taffy

      Are they all as awful as you remember?

  38. Dariu55

    A break! All the great couples do it..!

    1. Delicious Taffy

      Literally none of them.

  39. Temperaryobsessor

    Dorothy couldn’t even dump Amazigirl in person. Instead Amazigirl has to find out through her asshole roommate. What a puppy.

  40. CoMa

    This conversation would have probably been more to the point if they weren’t using the typical phrases that are associated with ending relationships.
    Dorothy: At least answer to “seeing other people” with “I don’t have time for that.” or something like that.
    Though Amber is probably right now in the mindset that she is unworthy (or whatever) as a person with all her problems and that’s why everyone retreats from her. Maybe not even seeing that a part of the problem is that how she behaves is a big factor in this equation + everything’s not always about her (as with Dorothy’s reasons). It has this “I’m a shitty person, I don’t deserve friends” mindset (yes, even in consideration of all the problems she has) that leads to acting aggressively or bitter which ultimately can drive friends away.
    Or something like that. Just spouting thoughts…

    1. StClair

      But that would be “using their (correct) words”, and that would eliminate at least half of the hilarious misunderstandings and miscommunications that drive modern situation comedy!
      *laughtrack*

      1. Delicious Taffy

        When will people understand the joys of playing the Prounoun Game?

    2. Kernanator

      But that wouldn’t be funny.

  41. Miri

    I really hope Dorothy goes on to explain ‘I’ve been trying to do everything on my own and it’s really started to hit my grades, and I’m in danger of burning out – I still want to be friends with you but I’m going to need to scale back my time spent being a reporter – I can set Amazigirl up with a different contact if you’re happy with that?’

  42. JBento

    Does, uh, does that building have any other entrance? Or do couples just make sure they never take this one together? Because when people talk about the right steps to a proper break-up, I’m pretty sure this isn’t what they mean.

    1. Delicious Taffy

      Look, if there’s one thing I know about college students in the American Midwest, it’s that they love wordplay.

  43. Jago

    This is hilarious, and for a change, the comment section is, too. I don’t think they were dating – I think this is a joke. Although I haven’t read any Slipshines, sooo…

    1. Delicious Taffy

      None of the Slipshines are Dorothy/Amber, no.

  44. Zaxares

    Dorothy, you’re making this weird. It doesn’t have to be weird. Just be honest and say “Look, my grades have been slipping. I have to refocus and re-prioritise things in my life, so I can’t hang out with Amazi-girl as often as I used to. But if there’s ever anything urgent, you know how to contact me.”

    1. shammers

      i think she’s being weird because she has some inkling that there’s something unhealthy going on between amber and amazigirl. so she knows, no matter how she says it, amber is going to take it too personality and be upset.

  45. Edward Starsmith

    *sniff* I’ve had this conversation too many times *sniff*

    1. Delicious Taffy

      Maybe stop dating superheroes.

  46. Joe Covenant

    Shouldn’t that last line be, “Look, it’s not *her*, it’s me!” ?

    1. JBento

      Dorothy, much like everyone else, is probably not up to speed to the Amber/AG DID nature.

      1. Joe Covenant

        Hmm.. maybe.. Just found it weird that she calls AG *Her* all through the strip except at the end.

        1. JBento

          Note that it’s AMBER, not Dorothy, who first refers to AG as a third person, and the first time Dorothy does so, it’s between quotation marks.

  47. StClair

    Hoo boy, that Patreon preview panel.
    I’m guessing that “Sir” Grampus is about to make everything the opposite of better.

    1. JBento

      Nonsense! He’s their grandpa! I’m sure he’ll be a kind and considerate man, who will shower both children with love and support. Just you wait. Any day now. Aaaaaaany day…

      1. Delicious Taffy

        Clint was just trying to study, we swear.

  48. Vulcanodon

    Hey, the steps are doing the best they can.

    1. Vulcanodon

      I can only guess at what Amber is thinking right now.

      1. Delicious Taffy

        She’s probably thinking scandalous thoughts about Dick Grayson.

  49. Hera

    Those steps are cursed!

    1. Delicious Taffy

      So, once someone equips the steps, they can’t unequip them until they’ve had the curse removed by an appropriately-leveled priest?

      1. JBento

        On the upside, they can damage relationships that are immune to mundane steps.

  50. hof1991

    No one breaks up with Amber, they break up with Amazi-Girl.

    1. Delicious Taffy

      Ethan probably has some thoughts about that.

      1. JBento

        Those thoughts being “how long do I have to wait to be socially acceptable to ask Danny out?”

        1. Delicious Taffy

          Too bad for him, it’s never socially acceptable to ask Danny out.

        2. Spencer

          I mean, never is pushing it, just not, like, a week or two after they broke up when neither of them actually wanted to.

  51. C.T Phipps

    I believe Dorothy is a Fight Club-esque conjuring of Amber’s imagination.

    1. Delicious Taffy

      If Dorothy isn’t a real life, then how do we explain Joe knowing her, Danny getting dumped by her, and Walky dating her? She also frequently interacts with characters Amber has never met for any lengthy period of time and takes different classes. There’s no way Amber can do all that, and still have time to be a self-loathing nutbar.

  52. Remmington Steele

    Thanks for the memory … https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIZZoaFzXaA

  53. shammers

    amber really needs this. dorothy, while well-intentioned, was only enabling is personality separation. at least she’s soft about it

    1. Spencer

      Amber totally needs more people not to talk to.

    2. Fart Captor

      If you were talking about “not enabling her vigilantism”, you might actually have a point. But I’m pretty sure disassociative disorders are aggravated by trauma, not “people who accept how you’re describing your experience to them”

      Further suicidal isolation seems unlikely to help any

      1. Fart Captor

        GAH! SOCIAL isolation, not suicidal!

  54. Stella

    I dunno. I feel it in both directions. When someone condemns a fictional character whom you identify with, it hurts. It does feel personal. But, on the flip side, when people sympathize with and applaud a fictional character who shares many traits with someone who abused you or bullied you, that can remind you very much of irl people who took their side, and that’s also very hurtful and painful.

    The fact is, most bullies and abusers don’t bully everyone. The person who bullied me was genuinely kind to her friends. Just, you know, not to me. I didn’t get to count as a person to her. Having an abuser in your own family is even more extreme than being bullied at school. So, honestly, I feel defensive too when I see characters with similar traits to the person who bullied me (honestly, Ruth comes to mind here). There’s something valid about the feeling that you cannot genuinely empathize with an abuser and a victim at the same time. Reading a story you can, but in real life you can’t. If you try, you almost always end up harming the victim further.

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