185

Fast an’ impersonal
Posted on May 10, 2024 by David M Willis

185 thoughts on “Fast an’ impersonal”

  1. NGPZ

    *plays “Close to You” by The Carpenters on hacked muzak*

    1. Freezer

      * replaces feed with cover of “Fuck Her Gently” with the pronouns switched *

      1. Decidedly Orthogonal

        Cover by who¿

        1. Furie

          You didn’t get the e-vite? We’re all doing it.

  2. Ana Chronistic

    Slipshine or GTFO

    1. Ana Chronistic

      figures a TCAF would get in the way

      1. Tyler

        But wait, now it’s Carla’s turn to bust in and creampie them both before being chased by Amazi-Girl for littering, turning into the dreaded Scooby Doo chase slipshine!

        1. GholaHalleck

          Carla’s gonna what now?

        2. Opus the Poet

          Throw pies at them. Get your mind outta the gutter.

        3. IntangibleMatter

          Honestly she would

        4. Needfuldoer

          They’re lucky she hasn’t already.

        5. Lysbeth

          The other one’s fine for a slipshine story

        6. Psychie

          Yeah! Get your mind outta the gutter! You’re blocking my view!

        7. AMagicalDuck

          I don’t think she’s interested in doing that to Danny

      2. Rose by Any Other Name

        Those damn Canadians!

    2. Yet_One_More_Idiot

      “The Fast and the Impersonal” was an alternative title proposal for “The Fast and the Furious” film series… 😛

      1. Decidedly Orthogonal

        Dom Toretto saying, “distant associate,” doesn’t have the same vibe as, “family,” though.

    3. Reltzik

      Slipshine AND Get The Fuck On.

  3. Doctor_Who

    They’re gonna cuddle so hard, the filthy degenerates.

    1. Emperor Norton II

      Might also hold hands, dirty pervs that they are.

      1. Michael Steamweed

        I bet there’s gonna be a forehead kiss, too. Disgusting.

        1. David DeLaney

          sweatdrop.jpg
          L-L-LEWD

    2. M!a

      +1??

    3. Carl Muckenhoupt

      THAT IS JuST DOWNRIGHT.
      *AFFFFFFFECTIONAAAAAATE.*

  4. IntangibleMatter

    Fucking CALLED it (regarding the alt text)

    Anyways this is adorable. Soft Sal is great.

  5. Sirksome

    Sal is so fakey.

    1. Cholma

      Malaya is spying from the closet, saying the exact same thing.

      1. Taffy

        Dressed as Joe, for some reason.

        1. Dday

          Almost always dressed as Superman.

        2. NGPZ

          Also can’t fucking wait for new season of My Adventures with Superman!!! ^^

          (STIMMING SO MUCH YEEEEE)

        3. Tan

          Malaya (when in girlmode) would make a good My Adventures with Superman Lois.

        4. NGPZ

          I dunno. MAWS Lois already seems NB-coded to me kinda?

      2. Holly

        Danny’s “No-one else is here” does seem to at least imply that Joyce is still listening through the door at this pont, but it is not clear if the door is actually still open.

        1. David DeLaney

          door has to be open, Dana’s behind it

  6. Schpoonman

    Oh dang.

    Oh daaaaaaang.

    1. Schpoonman

      Sal’s going to scratch the shit out of his shoulders, and then Joe and everyone else Danny knows will congratulate him by slapping him on the shoulder.

      Repeatedly.

  7. jeffepp

    Sal, you don’t have to go full Bang Dupree. Not that we would mind. But you don’t HAVE to.

    1. evandrofisico

      where is the damned “like” button when i need it!

    2. thejeff

      “Bang Dupree” is great here.

      1. jeffepp

        I thought about using Bangladesh… but under the circumstances…

  8. JA

    Oh Danny, good sex is a performance.

    1. Proxiehunter

      That’s why Bards are so good at it.

    2. Opus the Poet

      Yes it is. And sometimes it’s a performance in Iambic Pentameter (Poetry groupies are weird).

      1. Michael Steamweed

        Dangit, now I gotta find (or write) a porn in iambic pentameter.

      2. RoyanRannedos

        breathe GRUNT breathe GRUNT breathe MOAN breathe HO-ly SHIT

    3. yakmacker

      In the same way dancing is, sure.

  9. Yotomoe

    I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM.

    1. Florence

      I may post longer thoughts later but yes, I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM

      1. NGPZ

        SAMESIES ?

  10. Coatl

    hehehe guys.

  11. Nono

    I think literally every time someone has come onto Danny, he’s been on his back.

    Danny a service top confirmed?

    1. Opus the Poet

      There was that one time he was hanging upside down.

    2. Bash

      Did you think Danny was going to be the dom? In literally any of his relationships?

      1. David DeLaney

        whoops, wrong link, sorry reported

        anyway: Danny as a Pushy Bottom, I can TOTALLY believe

      2. thejeff

        Not an actual dom, but not all sexual encounters have to have a dom and a sub. Sal’s completely over the top “top” approach here is obviously a facade, but I suspect it goes farther than that and that she’d actually really like it if she could relax enough to let her partner take the lead, at least sometimes. Her top approach may be mostly a defense mechanism in sex as it is in relationships.

  12. Ty34er

    I’m kinda bummed that the slipshine is going to be them. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll still rebuy and read it, but still, we’ve seen them both before in the comics.

    1. Devin

      Danny’s become a bit of a regular!

    2. Needfuldoer

      They’re established characters, of course we’ve seen them in the comics before!

      1. a/snow/mous/e

        I assume ty34er meant the Slipshine comics?

        1. Needfuldoer

          Woosh.

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ngg5-uwQYI

    3. thejeff

      I’m kind of surprised Willis didn’t tease us by announcing an upcoming Slipshine earlier in the week before he switched to Sal & Danny.

  13. justin8448

    Did anyone else load this page and see the all-red background in panel 2 and have a momentary freak out that something traumatic was happening?

    1. Opus the Poet

      What makes you think this isn’t? Is Danny really over whoever was after AG? I really don’t remember who that was but then I don’t remember a lot of things since the truck hit me.

      1. Sharaku

        A-are you okay?

        1. NGPZ

          Meet Opus, the Poet who defied death.

        2. Opus the Poet

          Don’t forget, I’m also Willis’ Army of Unkillable Badass, and my ceremonial Indian name is Truck Killer. I forget which tribe gave me that name, but it’s one of the ones in the south part of OK. And now I have two names other than what my parents gave me.

        3. Opus the Poet

          I’m OK-ish, no unreduced fractures and the ligaments are as healed as they will get. The TBI is as good as it will get, but it aged my brain functions prematurely. And it cost me the ability to hear rhyme and meter as I write, so anything poetic is strictly by accident now. And as I pointed out upthread my memory is shot now. But the wreck was in 2001, what’s left now is stuff that will never heal.

    2. Reltzik

      …. did you just have a red panel moment about previous red panel moments?

  14. Golden Yak

    Way to go, Danny.

  15. Drain

    YEEEEEEEEEE

    1. Drain

      S

  16. Muttski

    Guess I was wrong, yesterday. Danny called her on her “hard candy shell” and found out she’s actually a softy at heart. C’mon, don’t let anything “screw” this up.

    1. Taffy

      Don’t let anything “intercourse” this up.

      1. Lieutenant Dan

        Don’t let anything “hanky-panky” this up.

    2. David DeLaney

      and now I am envisioning this as Raggedy Andy x Raggedy Ann

      CURSE YOU

    3. M!a

      Time to let her melt in your mouth, Danny…

  17. Vanessa

    Oops I don’t need an apostrophe in my name. Just wanted to say how cute they are and how sweet Danny is. What a lovable dork.

  18. Grimey

    They both absolutely deserve everything that this is.

  19. DailyBrad

    You know, Danny’s good at this stuff. Like, part of me just wanted to post “Danny is perhaps more fuckable than one might expect”, but at this point… maybe we should expect it.

    1. anon

      wonder if there’d be a fanpoll of “most fuckable to most unfuckable” lol, regular popularity polls aside XD

      1. TulipKitten

        Mary is at the bottom. Well, out of the living.

        1. hausu

          Mike’s corpse is more fuckable than Mary. (No one can tell me Mike wouldn’t approve this message.)

        2. Tatterhood

          That’s…fair.

        3. Taffy

          Mary is hot as hell, once you shut her up.

        4. Opus the Poet

          You know Mary is a secret slut, and a sub who needs to be dommed. I wouldn’t because I am not into those kinds of dynamics. But you know she wants it.

        5. Taffy

          Do ya think so? She strikes me more as the type to switch on a case by casis, but to also be kinda mad about it regardless (while still participating of her own free will, confusing everyone involved).

        6. anon

          she’ll end up having 4-5+ kids like joyce’s mom did assuming she also doesn’t ‘believe in birth control’

          https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/8a30e048-5d3d-477c-af7c-c97ac6d2fe94 (arrested development)

        7. Needfuldoer

          She’s not physically unattractive, but her being a terrible person more than makes up for it.

    2. Bridgebrain

      I mean, having “did it hanging upside down from a grappling hook with a super hero” is a pretty damn solid sex-resume headliner (with a subtitle of “good egg”)

      1. Emil

        In many Slavic languages “egg” is slang for testicle. Just throwing it out there:D

  20. John Campbell

    Okay, Sal, I’m pretty sure the jacket has to come off first before you can take your shirt off all sexy-like.

    (How did all these kids get to college without learning how to undress themselves?)

    1. moon

      the *squeak* leather jacket stays *squeak* awn during sex

    2. David DeLaney

      it’s fairly like taking the bra off while leaving the shirt on; they’re not topologically inside or outside each other

      1. eh, whatever

        Well, a bra can be opened at the back. A shirt cannot. Taking it off requires pulling your arms through; if your arms are inside the sleeves of the jacket at the time, the jacket is most likely going to fall off. Apparently it still hasn’t in panel 4.

      2. John Campbell

        Sure, but all the weird contortions to get the sleeve to go over the hand through the other sleeve don’t exactly qualify as “sexy-like”.

    3. Reltzik

      Or she could pull them both off at the same time, because the emphasis is on fast and impersonal?

      …. I don’t know how both-at-same-time is impersonal, but it at least fits the fast definition. … for some definitions of fast.

  21. Yotomoe

    Ah yes. The ol’ Sal Special.

    1. Yotomoe

      Meant to link this

  22. Yotomoe

    https://www.dumbingofage.com/2013/comic/book-3/01-if-the-shoes-split/whatsallthis/
    Damnit. Fucked up twice.

    1. Miri

      OK, if he was listening AT ALL there is no way he should have not realised she was “working on her grade” there – she TOLD him she knew what he was judging her based on. That they both wanted to get out of there. That she thought the quickest way to make both of them happy was for her to jump him because he wasn’t actually going to help her with her maths…

      She USED HER WORDS. I am cross.

      1. Bash

        I always thought that Jason DID understand, and it’s the commenters that want to give him plausible deniability. His defense when confronted about it later is that he only agreed to have sex. There was no genuine surprise about the quid-pro-quo nature of it.

        1. Miri

          I’d remembered it as Sal basically saying “it’s been a long dry spell. I’m horny. Tutoring is getting us nowhere, let’s do something different” and him taking that as “forget about the tutoring, let’s hook up” – then being “ooh, can’t let it affect grading, better get Penny to mark her work in future” after (I’m sure he seemed surprised? He told her when she complained about the mark that he’d have given her better than that for the sex if he’d realised?? Or am I misremembering that too?)

          “Mark me on this instead”
          “Sex sounds good”
          …
          “Hey, I only agreed to sex, not to sex for grades!”
          Is so much more URRGH!! Than “hot young adult is talking while getting undressed and man fails to listen to the words and thinks she’s into him for himself, even though he’s been nothing but a condescending jackass towards her, and misreads situation due to his own ego and inability to think with his brain when blood is suddenly diverted to his groin” – and honestly, that’s still pretty gross and it should be possible to unilaterally expect better from people…

      2. Reltzik

        I’m not going to defend Jason or his choice here, but in that moment I suspect he wasn’t paying careful attention to her words.

        1. justin8448

          It was a poor decision for both of them, and Sal wasn’t putting much effort into explaining exactly what kind of deal she wanted to make.

          But Jason is the one with a job that absolutely requires him to back out of the situation, regardless of anything Sal did or did not say.

  23. NGPZ

    Re: Alt-Text YESSSSS!!!!! It’s that time of year again!

    ???

    *plays “Starlight Festival” from Super Mario Galaxy on hacked muzak*

  24. 0xKruzr

    ok I was afraid this was going to be kind of terrible but it is increasingly clear that this is actually two people who actually Get Each Other and therefore is probably going to be wonderful for both of them.

    1. anon

      it helps that they’re an established couple versus friends that have flirted a couple times and sal just grabbing him bc he was nearby lol

  25. Johan

    Aw they’re cute!

  26. ReFlex76

    Enter: The Fuck Zone

    1. David DeLaney

      she controls the horizontal
      he controls the vertical
      in a minute, anyway
      clothes get in the way

      1. M!a

        Ha-! Fecking brilliant.

  27. Dave Van Domelen

    New meaning of “chicks dig scars.”

    1. a/snow/mous/e

      oh, that’s a good one

  28. Esolo

    I fucking love these two together, holy shit.

  29. Steelbright

    I love how they can make this ridiculous subject of conversation a topic of heated sexy debate

  30. Sajuuk-Khar

    Y’all have no idea how much I had to bite my tongue about this when people were going on about whether or not Danny would REALLY want this to be his first time with Sal ?

    also, huge DS9 Klingon sex episode energy in the best possible way

    These two, love them

    1. Dara

      There’s the vibe. DS9 and Klingons. Thank you, it’s actually been bugging me why I couldn’t pin that down.

      Unlike Sal. Who can absolutely pin Danny down.

      1. Da Boy

        Fortunately for Danny he is unlikely to land in the medbay with a long list of contusions…. unlike Quark.

        1. Sajuuk-Khar

          I dunno, Sal is offering some pretty attractive contusions in the final panel ?

        2. Da Boy

          Broken ribs are fortunately not among them… I hope XD

  31. BBCC

    As long as these two are on the same page on the plan!

    Y’know, so it hurts more when Willis breaks them up somehow to torture us.

  32. Francoinblanco

    Oh my, our little Danny can play that game

  33. Hazel

    …Is she wearing a red bra under a white tee?

    1. Taffy

      Under a blue(ish) jacket. Because she’s a Patriot.

    2. Delivery McGee

      I’m just assuming the trousers and bustier are one piece, which would lead to hilarity when she tries to get out of the bottom half of the outfit to actually do things.

      1. Taffy

        What bustier?

    3. Dom

      I’ve seen a lot of influencers say red is actually the best colour to wear under white to avoid it showing.

      Haven’t tested it irl but the way colour works is just wacky enough that I could believe it.

      1. Tan

        Probably depends on both skin tone and shade of red. For someone darker-skinned like Sal, sounds believable to be honest.

    4. M!a

      There is a popular notion that a red bra is least visible under a white t-shirt.

  34. Taffy

    Hehehe. They’re gonna Do It™.

    1. Needfuldoer

      Hopefully they don’t get sued by Nike.

  35. Amós Batista

    Alt: So, not Joyce and Joe, I guess.

    1. Taffy

      It’s early days for them anyway. I know people have been frothing at the mouth for Joeyce to do the Big Fuck™ already, but I’d kinda be disappointed if one under-the-blankets booby grope immediately led to PiV.

      1. hausu

        I would be kind of impressed to see Willis fully explore the raw sensuality of a straight couple doing nothing but slightly awkward hand stuff for twenty pages.

        1. Needfuldoer

          …

          I’d buy it.

        2. Michael Steamweed

          Definitely I want to see a pornographique where Joyce and Joe are cuddling, groping, and snuggling.

  36. Suet

    “Get a room!!… oh you’re in a room already, carry on”

    Fast and impersonal? Even one-night stands don’t run like that…

    1. Taffy

      Maybe yours don’t.

    2. Nymph

      You can definitely have fast and impersonal one night stands (or sex in general). Not all sex is for intimacy and connection.

    3. Sam

      They can but it really depends on your personal feelings about sex. Not everyone is able to detach and treat it that way.

  37. Dday

    Mannnn, don’t get all strung out trying to be hard or soft on purpose. Ya gotta groove with the flow, let your body do the talkin, dig?

  38. Jon

    Phew. That was touch and go for a moment there, where Danny seemed a little put off by Sal’s frantic energy. But by the end of this one they seem to be in a really good spot, both of them sexy-talking like equals who are both excited.

    It’s just really nice to see happy people having happy sex, okay?!? We don’t get that in fiction too often!

    1. Sharaku

      Yeah, i won’t deny i expect a Willis curve-ball of some kind to knock things a kilter. This has been my surprise low-key favourite relationship recently so i’m constantly scared it’s gonna get screwed up.

    2. justin8448

      Danny knows how to roll with whatever comes his way, moment by moment.

      His prior relationships ended when he brought serious issues with the relationship to the surface.

  39. ADLegend21

    awwwwww!!!!! That’s so sweet!

  40. Felgraf

    … okay seriously this is fucking adorable.

    Danny teasing her by saying “I will tell people you are gentle” is just CUTE.

    1. eh, whatever

      “I’ll tell everyone we gently made love”

      1. George

        Like the doctor asking about the scars?

    2. Disastroid

      It’s absolutely the perfect counter to Sal’s bad girl vibes. Danny can go blow-for-blow with her with sly, dweeby good boy power.

    3. Reltzik

      “Fucking adorable”. Apropos.

  41. DarkoNeko

    and then a 3rd, unrelated couple, barge him to interrupt again

    1. Proxiehunter

      I sure hope the couple is unrelated, this isn’t Game of Thrones.

  42. eskimolos

    This is like 20 years in the making since Sal x Danny in roomies, it’s weird to be a walkyverse fan watching one initially alt ship that’s dumbiverse canon getting shoved aside in a curveball for a *separate* walkyverse-alt-but-dumbiverse-canon ship to seal the deal.

    1. poofdepoof

      Trying to interpret the references: the first one was Joe/Joyce, the second one was Walky/Sal? Got it.

  43. foducool

    *after sex*
    “now turn around so ah can knife your back and leave some nice traces”

    1. Allison Branford

      “Actually Sal, if you just knife my hand, we can be scar buddies”

      1. Taffy

        Okay, but that’s actually kinda hot, in a fucked-up way?

        1. David DeLaney

          taffy, discovering themselves in the comments
          oh-no.jpg

  44. Emil

    Sal, you already have the reputation of being hot for math tutors:)

    1. Emil

      Heh, and that’s the most appropriate random avatar, really ?

  45. RacingTurtle

    Sal and Danny: A Slipshine decades in the making

  46. Dante

    DANNY BEING SUAVE now I’ve seen it all.

    In his own way. But it works. And as much as I enjoy Sal’s panel with the red bra, the last two are my favorites (can’t pick). They’re adorable.

  47. Mr. Random

    Danny just blurting out exactly what he wants is weirdly nice

    1. thejeff

      Danny just blurting out what Sal wants is weirdly nice too.

      1. David DeLaney

        COMMUNICA-TION!!1!

  48. Macunaima

    I like how Danny – nerdy, unassuming little Danny — has now had sex with the three most bas ass women in the story. This checks with my experience. It’s guys like this who are honestly interested in women (and men) and who, whatever their insecurities, can stand themselves and are essentially OK with themselves who get laid. A lot. And by very interesting women. Joe certainly beats Danny in numbers of partners, but Danny has better sex with more interesting women. I also like how we’ve established that Danny is, by now, a very good lover. I bet he surprises Sal.

    1. Adept

      My observations and experiences support your theory.

    2. Reltzik

      First of all, to your main point? Yes.

      Second, regarding what might be inferred about the fine details of your ranking of the most badass women in the story, above all other contenders, I will now present approximately 7300 words of carefully parsed pedantry to prove that your rankings, while not wholly counterintuitive, are not precisely accu- *vaudeville hook*

    3. thejeff

      I don’t know about “more interesting”. He’s been with 3 main characters admittedly, but Joyce is the main and both Malaya and Roz are interesting, if mostly sidelined.

      He’s almost certainly had more interesting sex than Joe – the grappling hook experience and some references to toys with AG. Probably more so than Sal as well.
      “Wonderbread” might well wind up blowing her mind instead.

      1. Macunaima

        Did you read the Malaya/Joe sex story and the Roz/Joe sex story? Not very interesting sex, in my opinion. All partners were way too into themselves.

  49. Dan

    I like how Sal really has dropped the facade – saying “my public image” instead of “mah public image”

    1. HueSatLight

      Accents can change over time without conscious decision.

    2. Icalasari

      I don’t think she faked the accent, it’s just that it’s fading since she’s been away from that school for half a year now

  50. M!a

    +1??

    1. M!a

      That was meant to be a reply to a comment, but I think it works equally here. Big ups, DeeDub.

  51. Throwatron

    holy FUCK why am I DORKSEXUAL

    1. Michael Steamweed

      A specific subset of sapiosexual, I think.

    2. David DeLaney

      it’s the hat. the lack of it anyway.

  52. adam Black

    This means Dorothy got her ex, Danny laid, by getting drunk with Joyce.

  53. Michael Steamweed

    A specific subset of sapiosexual, I think.

  54. CianM1301

    Can’t wait to see what the image to replace Becky fingering Dina will be once the new Pornographique comes out.

  55. Pergola

    Fast gentle scars.

  56. Kazuma Taichi

    I, like Danny, welcome those scars

  57. yakmacker

    Might be the steamiest comic yet, to me.

  58. Kaiyalai

    Oh, these two are going to have an amazing time together, aren’t they.

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