Family
Posted on July 8, 2013 by David M Willis

181 thoughts on “Family”

  1. Jen Aside

    No subtext there, eh Ruth? =p

    1. thecanvashat

      NO NONE AT ALL WHY DO YOU ASK PRAY TELL.

    2. EvergreenFir

      Can’t believe I didn’t catch that the first time…

      1. Platinakettu

        Same for me. I didn’t see before reading the comments.

      2. Gigafreak

        Alt-text: “sal would probably love to trade places with ruth”

        It would make her more similar to Batman

        1. Josh

          I thought Sal WAS Batman?

        2. CG

          No, Sal is Spider-Car, it’s so obvious!

        3. CrazyPete

          That’d be awesome

        4. Neospector

          “Nananananananana SAL!” doesn’t have the same ring to it though.

        5. Tom Speelman

          If you break it up, it works: “Sa-Al.” See?

      3. mistrali

        Whoa. Me neither…

  2. Wonder Wig

    It will be glorious.

    1. Resne

      Dat glory

      1. Wonder Wig

        A whole lot of it.

        1. Tan

          I see what you did there. I SEE IT. I AM STARING RIGHT AT WHAT YOU DID THERE. IT HAS BEEN SEEN, I TELL YOU.

  3. Wack'd

    Two days? But we know that the folks show up sometime within the next two months…this might be the fastest any amount of time ever passes in this comic.

    1. TrueVCU

      One must always take a webcomic’s relativistic time dilation field into account

    2. thecanvashat

      Faster than when Walky got his Pajama Jeans?

      1. Wack'd

        Oh, right, we blew through four days with that.

        Okay, second-fastest.

      2. Yotomoe

        Or slower than him touching that boob?

        1. Doctor_Who

          That’s the kind of moment you WANT to last. Now Walky can brag that he’s spent entire days doing nothing but touching boobs.

        2. Totz the Plaid

          Only if he’s aware of the Fourth Wall…

  4. Plasma Mongoose

    Billie is the favourite ‘daughter’ in the Walkerton family?

    DAAAAAMN!

    1. Volkai

      Yeah, that… that doesn’t say very good things about either set of parents.

  5. Mkvenner

    This should be fun. *evil smile*

  6. Doctor_Who

    She calls the Walkertons mom and dad? Clearly she is subconsciously imagining a future in which she is married to Walky.

    Or Sal. Whichever the shipper prefer.

    1. thecanvashat

      Or adopted. Or secretly raised by.

    2. John

      Sal. Definitely Sal. Shippers (e.g., Joyce) might claim that Billie’s just in denial about her attraction to Walky, but she’s actually tried putting the moves on Sal.

      1. Emoroffle

        I’m not shipping Billie with anyone but Ruth.

        1. thecanvashat

          I’m shipping her with a boat of alcohol.

        2. Blue

          I’m shipping her and Ruth on an ocean of ethanol.

        3. Volkai

          That would be the fuel that powers the ship.

        4. saltchocolate

          Your grav makes “ethanol” even funnier.

        5. Thomas

          O HAI cuz it’s Ethan LOL =D

        6. CrazyPete

          Punpunpunpun

        7. timemonkey

          I prefer my ships without abuse and alcohol poisoning.

        8. thecanvashat

          Where did the abuse come from? She’s on a boat!

        9. timemonkey

          I replied to the commenter above you.

        10. drs

          Nice boat.

        11. Boom

          What have you got against pirates, eh?

        12. Roborat

          No, it’s: “What have you got against pirates, arrrr?”

          Unless, of course, you are talking abooot Canadian Pirates. I have heard they roam the Athabasca, from Smith to Fort McKay.

        13. John

          You’re going to lose your Stetson if you have to pass their way.

      2. Plasma Mongoose

        They knew Billie will end up in the family one way or the other but via Sal? I bet they didn’t see that coming.

        1. Doctor_Who

          It just occurred to me that We call Billie Billie because her last name is Billingsworth. So if she married Sal and changed her last name to Walkerton (no WAY Sal would be the one to change her name), we’d have to call her…Walky.

        2. timemonkey

          Or neither of them could change their names? And why wouldn’t Sal change her’s? She doesn’t seem fond of her family.

        3. John

          She’s still “Billie” in the Walkyverse.

        4. xKiv

          Don’t we call Billie Billie cuz she punches lilke a boy?
          Which is also leads to why we call Walky Walky.

        5. John

          Because he punches like Joyce’s dog?

    3. timemonkey

      Billy and Sal were switched at birth, it’s the only logical explanation.

      1. thecanvashat

        Well, all Walkerton children must be referred to by last name. Sal’s just a rebel.

      2. Plasma Mongoose

        Sal is actually half-Japanese?

        WHAT A TWIST!

        1. Andiemus

          Thanks, M. Night.

      3. Aras Pabedinskas

        Ya but then there would be accusations of adultery. if you know what I am implying?

        1. Doctor_Who

          Not unheard of for Billie’s mom in that other ‘verse. I seem to recall her having an affair with Ruth’s dad.

          Maybe she had it with Walky’s dad in this ‘verse.

        2. Mkvenner

          Or Joyce’s parents.

        3. Boom

          Or your mom. For a nickel.

      4. Roborat

        Hmmm, that plot twist sounds familiar. I wonder where I might have run across is before? ? ? ?

  7. John

    Something tells me that Sal wouldn’t actually like having her parents killed, say, by a megalomaniacal purple alien, as much as she thinks she would.

    1. thecanvashat

      Walky would be upset, but would ask for an autograph.

    2. Regalli

      Then again, there is a difference in the circumstances here.

    3. Yotomoe

      especially because Walky would be too busy geeking out about it to be sad.

      1. Boom

        And having superpowers.

  8. CollyWolly

    I can’t decide if Ruth is Dr. Cox or Dr. Kelso.

    1. captainswift

      Dr. Costco.

      1. thecanvashat

        With my new powers of CHEAP PRICES and BULK SALES, none can stand up to the power of I, DR. COSTCO!

        1. Boom

          Rwar, wrar, roar wrar aarr!*

          *”No, but I, Dr. Bearington Bear, might!”

        2. Andiemus

          “I am Doctor Costo, Surplusser Supreme!”

      2. Torgo

        You do not know how much that made me laugh, just thank you. You may have an Internet from me because of the way your comment turned out.

    2. Wack'd

      She’s Dr. Kelso to Billie, and Dr. Cox post-retirement to everyone else.

      1. Wack'd

        Woops. Scratch that, reverse it.

        1. Yotomoe

          Are Danny and Joe J.D and Turk?

    3. toddtr

      Snoop Dogg resident

      1. Boom

        It’s Snoop Dogg attending now.

    4. Doctor_Who

      Nono. BILLIE is Dr. Cox. She acts as a mentor to other characters, drinks too much, and gets really angry. Ruth is HER Dr. Kelso.

      Although Ruth does have that hockey jersey…

    5. Totz the Plaid

      Dr. Beard-face.

      “It’s Beardfacé! Beardfacé!!!”

  9. timemonkey

    What if Joyce’s parents disapprove of her friends? That would break my heart.

    On the other hand I kinda want them to take one look at Ethan and ask her why she’s dating a gay guy.

    1. Wack'd

      They almost definitely would, for maximum dramas.

      Hell, didn’t Joyce say she wanted Dorothy to go to church so that she wouldn’t have to tell her folks she’s “fraternizing with the godless”?

      1. timemonkey

        Joyce will have to make the ultimate choice: parents or Dorothy?

        1. Heavensrun

          Well I don’t see how she could possibly gay-marry Dorothy without her parents knowing, so that scene’s gotta come sooner or later.

        2. Totz the Plaid

          No, no. She should gay marry Dina.
          Sarah should marry Mike.
          Walky and Dorothy should get married.
          Billie and Ruth should see therapists, then maybe get together.
          Sal should continue hate-fucking Jason.
          Joe and Roz should be a polyamorous couple.
          Danny should be alone forever.

          Ethan, Amber, Jacob, Sienna, and the others? I’m not sure yet.

        3. timemonkey

          Ethan should have a threesome with Joe and Roz. Just once.

        4. Heavensrun

          THIS IS NOT COMPATIBLE WITH MY SHIP, GOOD SIR OR MADAM.

        5. Heavensrun

          (that was to TOTZ, obv.)

        6. Hoboturtle

          Well, they thought that Joyce was gay in It’s Walky. They’re probably aren’t that much different here.

        7. John

          They’re going to assume that she’s introducing them to Ethan as a beard to cover up her relationship with Dorothy?

          I can see it.

        8. Heavensrun

          That is totally my headcanon anyway.

    2. saltchocolate

      ^ That.

      1. saltchocolate

        [Meant to point to timemonkey’s comment. No offense, Wack’d!]

        1. timemonkey

          It’s cool, I knew you were pointing at me. (everyone’s always pointing at me. And the laughter, I hear it in my sleep….)

        2. saltchocolate

          mwahahaha!!!

    3. David

      Why would they ask? They’d probably be as happy about the prospects as Joyce was at one point of time.

      It’s so perfectly “Do a good deed, let people go to hell for a different deadly sin than planned for.” Rotating in hell avoids rack sores.

    4. clodia

      I don’t think so. They may have concerns, but I don’t think they’d right-out disapprove of her friends.

      1) Joyce had to get her sweet disposition from somewhere.

      2) She said that she and her parents had changed churches frequently over the years because they weren’t comfortable with hateful sermons and jerky people.

      Therefore, I expect her parents will be more or less okay, but remind her to stay true to herself and to pray to God for guidance.

  10. Regalli

    Oh, Sal. Are you sure about that? Absolutely certain?

  11. Gram91

    Let the chaos begin MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA
    …I’m also taking bets on who’s providing catering
    $10 on Galasso, freaking out all of the parents
    I also hope for other guest appearances that I can only dream of.

    1. NightmareWarden

      No no, Galasso IS a parent. Some say he’s a father, some say he’s a mother.

      1. xKiv

        And both of those “some”s are Galasso?

  12. NerdHerder

    Now Joyce has to decide how to introduce her parents to Dexter and Monkey Master.

    1. thecanvashat

      Using Walky’s chart, of course.

  13. saltchocolate

    I love Billie and Sal trading snark! Yes!! This is the first time they’ve seen eye-to-eye about something in a while . . .

  14. jrgolden42

    I always forget that Billie essentially grew up with Sal. I always remember Walky, but I forget about Sal in that equation. I guess because of the Walkyverse and the fact that Sal has been in Tennessee for the last 4 years in-continuity

  15. Wack'd

    Dammit, everyone else beat me to the Sal’s-parents-are-dead joke!

    1. timemonkey

      You could make a joke about dead brothers, but I don’t think anyone would care.

      1. thecanvashat

        Or dead Robins.

        1. timemonkey

          When did Robin die?

        2. hmrc4evr

          Right after Baskin. Those 32 flavors were too much for one man to handle.

        3. Wack'd

          32?

          Man, the Question just cannot keep a secret.

        4. Totz the Plaid

          He rocked too damn hard.

        5. Roborat

          Which one? Batman buys them in bulk.

        6. Andiemus

          Jason Todd died in like… 88?

    2. John

      Y’know, I wonder if Beef’s parents are dead in this universe.

      Hit by a truck carrying Dexter merchandise, maybe.

      1. timemonkey

        Maybe Sal caused it when she robbed those stores?

  16. Yotomoe

    I read Dorothy’s line in the 3rd panel as ” Yeah, Up yours”

    1. Aras Pabedinskas

      Do wear glasses?

      1. Yotomoe

        No Don’t.

        1. Aras Pabedinskas

          Might need your eyes checked.

        2. Aras Pabedinskas

          I need my eyes check because I just reread your OP. Ugh, Stupid me!

        3. Aras Pabedinskas

          Forgot to say sorry.

          …Sorry.

        4. Yotomoe

          haha it’s all cool bro.

    2. Hoboturtle

      Joyce: Are your parents coming?
      Dorothy: Up yours, you now they’re as dead as Ruths are.
      Joyce: Yeah I’m excited.
      Dorothy: why do you enjoy my pain?

  17. Heavensrun

    I can only pray that at some point during this storyline, the fact that Dorothy is an atheist comes out and Joyce’s parents have the same epic reaction face that Joyce had the first time she heard it.

    1. thecanvashat

      And hiccup the rest of their on-panel time.

    2. Tenn

      If they are anything like their Walkyverse counterparts, they won’t. Especially considering that they went to the same university.

  18. ShadowWing Tronix

    Wait, no “my parents are deaaaaaad”? jokes in the comments? What’s happened to the internet!?

    1. Roborat

      Too obvious.

  19. vuragado

    Every time I think of Billies home life, I cri Errytime(assumptions of brokeness)

  20. Kernanator

    Would it be appropriate to say “See if ah care” here?

    1. Wack'd

      Man, everyone’s beaten you to the joke a thousand times over.

      Don’t think anyone’s pulled the quote, though, so go ahead.

  21. Futabakun

    Sierra gets a tag on this one? …Because we see a bit of her arm in the third panel? I’m not even sure which of those two arms are hers!

    1. C.

      I’m thinking the pink t-shirt. Could be wrong.

      1. John

        Definitely pink.

        I’m not sure why Sierra’s arm gets a tag and Sarah’s arm (in the purple T-shirt) doesn’t.

        1. John

          Ah, there’s the Sarah tag.

  22. MacDiver

    Hmmm. I never had anything like this at any college I attended. Is this a common thing?

    1. Regalli

      Mine has a general family weekend in the fall. It’s for all students, but then our school’s so small it could accommodate that many parents.

    2. John

      My college had one, though my parents didn’t come to it because I went to school out-of-state. The cafeteria food service’s quality level went up about five notches for the one day.

      (Using that food service in prisons was later ruled to be in violation of the 8th Amendment.)

      1. Kennerly

        Oh, you went to SUNY Albany as well?

        1. John

          Vermont Tech.

    3. David

      http://studentaffairs.iub.edu/parents/freshman-family-weekend/

      1. Wack'd

        So, assuming it’s roughly the same time every year, we’re about a month into the school year?

        That would mean that a month is roughly three years, meaning you can get an additional nine out of the first semester, and stop them from becoming sophomores until at least 2046.

  23. Fred

    But this means Joyce’s parents will meet…
    *GASP*
    THE GODLESS!

  24. LtSaraD

    …just hide.

  25. Jenny Creed

    Is it wrong of me to think of Joyce’s parents only as something that needs to be escaped? I mean them seeing the progress she has made and the friends she has pretty much has to cause a rift between them and I can only think that’s a good thing for her.

    1. Tenn

      I’m pretty sure they wanted her to make progress and friends outside of the church. I only wonder why they didn’t start earlier.

      1. Wack'd

        Yes, but they wanted that “progress” to merely involve being more social and able to function in a community. None of this “atheists and gays are people too” crap.

        …or so I’m assuming. For all I know Joyce merely takes them a bit too seriously.

        1. Jenny Creed

          Being able to function in a social context is exactly what you don’t learn by homeschooling, so I think even that is giving them too much credit. . .

        2. Tenn

          My assumptions are based on the Walkyverse version of Joyce’s parents. Different settings, sure, but so far, no character has had any radical personality changes from their parallel universe counterparts.

        3. Jenny Creed

          Oh yeah, I don’t know anything about that parallel reality, so I’m guessing rather wildly. And probably uselessly.

          I don’t mind being wrong usually.

          In this case, though, I’d be delighted.

  26. Super Duper

    Yeesh, we haven’t seen Joyce’s parents in… how many strips?

  27. Arkadi

    The second panel makes this the saddest strip in DoA so far, and probably ever :c

    1. Wack'd

      It’s kinda weird that no one reacts to that, though I suppose it could be construed as a joke.

      1. Farmer_10

        That last panel’s pretty damn rough too. These are very broken people.

      2. John

        Well, probably no one but Billie knows Ruth’s backstory, so they don’t realize that it’s self-referential, and assuming there are no other orphans in the room, it probably just seems like non-specific and vaguely threatening jerkery. Just what they’ve been lead to expect from Ruth, in other words.

        1. Arkadi

          Yep, pretty much.

        2. StClair

          This. Heck, that’s how I first read it.

  28. SHAZAM

    Plot Twist: Joyce’s parents are totally fine with her having non-christian friends and her mother just wants to know when Ethan’s going to give her grandchildren.

    1. Totz the Plaid

      I can’t be specific, because spoilers, but events in “It’s Walky” make that plausible.

    2. Tenn

      If you’ve read It’s Walky!, that’s not a plot twist.

  29. Imperator

    So, I think I’ve discovered the ultimate secret of the Willisaurus. Take a Mike. Expand his hair upwards and forwards. Bulk the crap out of his muscles, and conversely make his legs shorter. Give him sunglasses and a black shirt. Voila! You have a brand new Johnny Bravo! This entire webcomic is clearly part of the artist’s plan to rebirth Johnny Bravo into the world. And on that rapturous day, we shall all. Do. The Monkey.

    1. Crimson Doom

      We shall be Masters of the Monkey.

      Also, Dexter is somehow involved.

      1. StClair

        What about Dee Dee?

  30. someguywithakatana

    Dumbing of Age: Where every woman is a cornucopia of issues!

    1. Gigafreak

      Now that I think of it, how many of the male characters are undergoing similar levels of emotional tension?

      …Just Ethan, sort of? Hmm. Maybe this universe’s Jacob and/or Mike has something going on that we just don’t know about.

      1. The1exile

        I don’t want to compare apples with oranges here, nor try and create a “which-behavioural-kink-is-worst” contest, but honestly who among the male characters in DoA would you describe as well adjusted? Joe, maybe?

        I mean, Ethan is a repressed gay, Mike is a complete dick, Danny is clueless, Walky is incredibly immature, even Jason’s behaviour is pretty self-destructive…

    2. Josh

      Dotty is pretty well adjusted for a main character. 😛

      1. clodia

        She, at the very least, is cognizant of the issues she has.

    3. The Candyman

      Not just DoA, the entire Willis universe (Williverse?).

    4. Arkadi

      “Every woman”? More like everybody, really. You’ll be hard pressed to find a single well-adjusted individual in the whole Walkyverse. Every character is a bundle of issues at best, a train wreck waiting to happen at worst.

  31. Bri

    Okay so I just checked out the link to the actual Indiana State Family weekend for fun and one of the events listed is, “Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction” a discussion on sex research in America. If this doesn’t make an appearance in a strip with Joyce I will be disappointed.

    1. David

      Man, that doesn’t sound like an event, that’s there year-round!

      1. Arkadi

        The Kinsey Institute is at Indiana University? My, how appropriate. For the comic to be set there, I mean ^^

  32. Aaron Bourque

    So, is this foreshadowing Joyce and/or Dorothy’s parents NOT showing up, but Billie’s parents ACTUALLY showing up?

    1. John

      Well, we’ve seen Tumblr sketches of Dotty’s parents, at least.

  33. Roz Not DeSanto

    Sad face. 🙁

    1. Arkadi

      The saddest face!

  34. Solitarianknight

    feels weird commenting since i’ve been creeping for months but Damn Ruth. Leave none to wonder.

  35. ALLxISxGONE

    Someone get me a towel… it happened again T-T

  36. Somebody

    For some reason I remembered Pigs by Pink Floyd. It doesn’t really fit her…but that’s how things went. Maybe the chorus would make sense?

  37. Anna1090

    Oh, that’s what Joyce and Dorothy THINK. Then it actually happens.

  38. DSS92

    I moved into my apartment a few days before freshmen moved on campus this year. I go to a big college in a small town so the freshies and their families take over everything. You couldn’t have paid me to leave my apartment that day.

  39. Vim-Hogar

    Rereading this a couple months later, Ruth’s advice in the first panel doesn’t really seem like an exaggeration any more.

    1. Rani

      We’re still feeling the aftershocks in my slice of the timeline.

  40. Rani

    SHE’S NOT FUCKING EXAGGERATING. THIS ISN’T HYPERBOLE.

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