186

Bat
Posted on July 5, 2012 by David M Willis

186 thoughts on “Bat”

  1. Jen Aside

    LET ME BEAT THE OLD TESTAMENT INTO YOU

    wait

    1. Yotomoe

      Something tells me Joyce would probably enjoy that…at least the bible-y parts

      1. Raoullefere

        Don’t stop now, Sarah! Spare the bat and spoil the Joyce!

    2. Gundi

      Is that what kids are calling it these days?

      1. Michael

        Getting to know someone biblically is a term. I think.

        1. Stephen Bierce

          Being beaten Biblically Senseless?

        2. Twentydragon

          Giggety.

        3. Shade

          Which is funny since the word know was use to mean sex in the bible like nine times and used to literally mean to know someone over 900 times.

          I know way too much Bible facts for an Athiest…

        4. Aizat

          Hey, knowing about other beliefs is good, you know.

        5. Shade

          I know, I just have these odd moments of… clarity? No not quite right, I can’t think of the word right now, just means a sudden realisation or thought about it and it bemuses me.

        6. Luke

          I believe the word you’re looking for is epiphany.

        7. Shade

          Hmmm I don’t think that’s the word I was looking for. It does however fit what I was trying to say though. Thank you.

        8. SalmonLeap

          How about a “Road to Damascus” moment…

        9. Shade

          Also not it, but I’m going to use that next time assuming I remember. The inherent humor in the phrase is very much to my tastes.

        10. Random Guy

          Revelation, you are looking for revelation.

        11. Shade

          Yeah that was it.

        12. Raticate5

          You sensed he was going for the Bible pun? Good call.

        13. das-g

          “enlightenment”? “lucidity”? Or maybe “serenity”?

        14. LaurelRaven

          Cool story: most athiests I know are more read on the bible than most Christians I know. Just so you know, that’s actually pretty normal.

        15. Shade

          Yeah I do remember reading the details of that survey, but the sample questions they supplied from the survey were pretty simple stuff. So I didn’t take it too seriously, though admittedly I can see the logic behind it being so for a myriad reasons.

          ‘Course it occurs to me you were basing it on your own anecdotal experiences, so this post was something of a non-sequitur.

          I suppose most my knowledge stems from debating with some religious people.

        16. Shadlyn Wolfe

          Yeah, I’m no longer Christian, and when I was a little kid my first crisis of faith arrived the first time I read the bible for myself instead of the hand-picked portions the pastor would read.

          I’m female. I read the bible. I have good reading comprehension. My pastor was of the “literal word of God” school.

          My mom eased me past that one because she’s always maintained “literal word of God as related by Man.” That kept me in the fold all the way ’til adolescence.

        17. hmrc4evr

          I guess I was lucky. My folks didn’t really have a big thing for religion other that dad being shocked they didn’t still teach the Lord’s Prayer in school. I went to Sunday School a little and VBS now and then but that was it. I did read the comics version of the bible. (the big blue hardcover version) but I’ve found religion is subject best avoided unless you are actually in a church. But thats just me.

        18. Jen Aside

          “Keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer!”

        19. Rayri

          There’s a song with the line “hold me down cause I want to know you.”

          It became infinitely funnier (and dirtier) once I took Bible as Literature in college.

  2. Yotomoe

    “I’m gonna BEAT the love into you, Joyce!!!”

    1. Aizat

      “I’m gonna LOVE AND TOLERATE the shit out of you, Joyce!”

      1. Yotomoe

        I’m gonna go all Full House on your ass, bongo!

        1. Aizat

          I’m gonna go full-blown medieval on yo’ ass, sucka!

        2. OhHayMike

          Aaaaaand it’s dead.

  3. Wonder Wig

    Sarah … Batgirl

    1. NCP19

      Confirmed!

  4. Doctor_Who

    “And also because I’m going to hit you with it! But mostly the life saving thing.”

    1. Yotomoe

      Sarah is a firm believer in tough love. Her only regret is that the bat isn’t metal to better simulate her love for Joyce

      1. Aizat

        Or has a nail in it.

        1. Drunken Nordmann

          Sarah wants to nail Joyce with her bat?

        2. Icalasari

          Dammit don’t give people ideas for Rule 34!

        3. LaurelRaven

          Sarah wants to nail Rule 34 with her bat?

        4. George

          With that avatar, your comment sounds like a proposed experiment…

        5. Drunken Nordmann

          Isn’t college the right place for experiments?

    2. dusk

      Replace the bat with a femur, Sarah with Ruth. And Joyce with Billies FAAAAAAAAAAAAACE.

  5. Luke

    Hate is a strong word, I’m sure she just greatly dislikes everyone. Some more than others. That’s an emotional sitiation I can get behind.

    1. Izzy

      So…south or Midwest. I’m guessing you’re not from the east or west coasts

      1. Luke

        You know what assuming does? It makes an ass outta you ‘n me… But yeah, you’re right, I live in Tennessee. It’s hot as BALLS down here. What makes you say that, though?

        1. Shade

          Taking a wild guess it might be an assumption of political leanings based on oppinion on the use of a word and an assertion of the relevance to their geographical location.

          In english, I think the suggestion is that because Luke said hate is a strong word the assumption is he must be from a more “liberal” location.

          Admittedly I’m not that proficient in American geography and their various political bias to be sure of my interpretation.

        2. Shade

          Well that was a wrong reply, was supposed to be to Bekah.

        3. Luke

          I actually lean more to the Republican side.

        4. Shade

          Yeah, I didn’t say it would be an accurate assesstment of character, just what I think might have been the implication. Silly to make judgements like that of course.

          Honestly despite my mild misanthropy I find myself more left leaning.

        5. Luke

          I’ll be honest right now, I’m on which ever side doesn’t wanna take my guns away.

        6. Shade

          Fortunately you’re in America neither party would have the guts to take your guns away.

          Generalisation? Perhaps.

        7. Luke

          Not really generalization, more a mixture of paranoia and various political agendas. I pray that Uncle Sam doesn’t come knocking at my door, ’cause he’ll be met with some double ‘0’ buckshot.

        8. Shade

          I ment more in the sense of political scuicide, but that too.

        9. Luke

          Political and literal suicide.

        10. Shade

          That sentence amuses me more then it should.

        11. Gawr Smif

          Actually, I think it was the use of “sitiation” instead of “situation”. South and Midwest pronouce it differently than the coasters.

        12. Luke

          You, sir, are correct. I did that on purpose.

        13. Historyman68

          Assuming makes an ass out of you and Ming.

        14. das-g

          As you mean …

        15. Brady Kj

          Midwesterners know how to pronounce situation, so don’t lump us into that category.
          The hyperbole situation is probably a problem everywhere you go.
          In college, I’ve spied on people’s answers to surveys about their teachers, and they consistently say they “Strongly agree” to everything, as though the teacher blew them away, except in areas where they “strongly disagree”. And I’d guess that hyperbole is at its worst in Texas.

        16. Andiemus

          Or they were just bored with surveys. As a college student god knows I’m sick of the damn things.

      2. Bekah

        I’m curious why you think that.

        1. Ancestral Hamster

          Me too. Seems like an odd conclusion to draw from a three sentence statement.

        2. Shadlyn Wolfe

          Anecdotal experience, but most of the people who live on the coasts use hyperbole “I love that” or “I hate that” like breathing and would never think to qualify it.

          People in more conservative (in the personal, not political sense) locations tend to be more cautious of words like hate – especially if they’re from religious communities where it is frowned on.

          I’m guessing Shade has similar anecdotal experiences.

    2. Shade

      Misanthropy is the ideal to which we should all aspire.

      1. Luke

        The fact that you’re Mike makes this all the better. Thank you, you’ve made this record-breaking heatwave slightly more bearable.

        1. Shade

          Honestly, my general assertion is that people suck until they prove otherwise.

        2. Luke

          Shake my hand right now, God dammit!

        3. Shade

          Very well.

        4. Luke

          Hmm. I wonder if David is as amused by all this as I am. One can only hope.

  6. Yotomoe

    This raises the question…Why does Sarah own a bat…was she a highschool baseball player? Did she pick it up on her way to the party?

    1. Luke

      Not only that owns one, but the fact that she seems to carry it around with her, that’s a bit unnerving.

      1. Doctor_Who

        And she’s not even dressed yet. Since she produced it so fast, I can only assume she keeps it in her underwear.

        1. Luke

          If I was a lesser gentleman, I could easily make a lewd comment right now.

        2. Doctor_Who

          Hey, having a stick up her ass would explain a lot about her attitude.

        3. Luke

          *Nose bridge pinch* Yes… I suppose it would. That was pretty funny, I gotta give you that.

        4. Andiemus

          High five!

        5. Ziaheart

          She’s a vidja game character! Who carries everything she owns everywhere using her sub-dimensional pocket!

        6. espanolbot

          Is that what they’re calling it now.

        7. N0083rP00F

          It is something colloquially refereed to as “Hammer Space” even though hammers are not the only items stored there in. Every female has at least a minor version available to themselves. It is referred to as a purse.
          I still amaze me that in the real world [tm] that I can still fit so much crap into one little purse.

        8. Andiemus

          TvTropes!

        9. Ancestral Hamster

          Could be the “magical valley”. *wink*

      2. SkepticJ

        Certainly, in the topsy-turvy world of college, having a good solid piece of wood in your hand is often useful.

    2. MarcinMN

      Now that you mention it, she does remind me a lot of that female blernsball player in Futurama. The one in the episode when Leela becomes the first (and worst) female blernsball player. 🙂

      1. Yotomoe

        Jackie Robinson.

    3. Jackson

      A better question is: why don’t you own a bat? Why don’t I?

      Tomorrow morning I am getting me a bat.

      1. Aizat

        I’m getting myself a mallet. It’s way better.

        1. Luke

          GUYS, GUYS! I found Eustace!

      2. Yotomoe

        Do not just assume I do not have a baseball bat at my disposal.

      3. Shade

        I’d rather a fruitbat.

        1. |Agent

          I’d rather a fruitviking of my very own. But that would be NSFW, whereas I could technically take a fruit bat to work.

        2. Roborat

          Hey, thanks for that link. I like that comic, but forgot to favorit it, and couldn’t remember the name. I have been tring to find it again for months.

      4. Shadlyn Wolfe

        Because we have a beating stick instead, of course. Just like a bat, but without all those sporting implications!

    4. LiC

      Her childhood icon was Casey Jones, and like him, she carries leathal sporting goods equipment as weapons.

      1. Historyman68

        Why are she and Amber not friends yet?

    5. Yotomoe

      Her older brother Tasaku left for America for baseball and she carries around his bat in memory of him

  7. Ash

    I saw the title “bat” and I was seriously hoping a bat would fly in or something.

    1. Charles RB

      I hear one time, Sarah saw a dude being hit with a baseball bat. “An omen!”

  8. emeraldbeacon

    Leave it to Willis to eventually get the Bat into his ‘realistic’ comic universe.

  9. Yotomoe

    also….Sarah is really tall…I mean…damn! Joyce is only tit high

  10. Bekah

    This story line is enjoyable, but leaves me without much to say about it.

    1. Bekah

      Which is weird cuz I’m the type of person who just talks to full silence.

      1. Aizat

        I’m the person that nobody cares about and that didn’t bother me at all.

        1. cdotsq

          you too eh

      2. Shade

        That’s wierd. I talk to myself and inanimate objects, but silence?

        1. Gordon

          I think Bekah meant ‘fill’ rather than full.

          She talks to fill silence.

        2. Raticate5

          Whereas I actually talk to silence itself. Scientists have been studying the phenomenon for almost two years now.

        3. iRamble

          The Doctor might want to have a word or three with you…

        4. N0083rP00F

          But only if the silence answers back.

        5. Raticate5

          I tried to imagine that but my brain gave me an ‘undefined’ error

        6. Andiemus

          Sign language?

        7. Bekah

          I did. Those damn I and U keys are too close together.

      3. Historyman68

        Haha as proven by you replying to your own comment 🙂

  11. John

    “Why are you laughing so hard?”

    “NO REASON”

  12. Sensedog

    I don’t believe that Sarah truly “hates” everything. She just happens to be cynical and has very little tolerance for bullshit.

    1. Aizat

      So, she’s Squidward then?

      1. Jetstream

        Rrrrrrg! JOYCEBOB! Stop that!

        1. Yotomoe

          Damnit!!! I HAVE to draw this now…
          I hope you’re happy!

        2. Yotomoe

          I hope you’re proud of yourself

        3. Aizat

          Yes, yes I am.

        4. Luke

          Resident Redneck Approves!

        5. Historyman68

          Dude. That. Is. Awesome.

        6. Sensedog

          I have to admit, Yotomoe, you have talent.

        7. Roborat

          I will most hearily second that.

        8. Kernanator

          Oh my god, that was amazing.

  13. Ziaheart

    HA! Called it.

    *ahem*

  14. Ryan Balis

    a girl in panties with a bat. Sexy *-*

    1. Aizat

      Batgirl?

  15. BarGamer

    “A spanking, a spanking!” – Monty Python’s Quest for the Holy Grail

    1. Aizat

      “Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!” – Monty Python’s Flying Circus

      1. Kryss LaBryn

        “It was the salmon mousse!” -Monty Python’s Meaning of Life

    2. Cholma

      Naughty Zoot!

    3. Shade

      “We were in the nick of time. You were in great peril.”

  16. Anonymous

    (Was the person she used the bat against actually trying to kill Joyce..? Hrm.)

    1. Aizat

      Now we know why Sarah is worried. Who knows if Ryan suddenly came back hell bent for Joyce?

  17. Aizat

    So, what Sarah is basically saying is “It’s dangerous to go alone, take this”?

  18. BrunDeign

    Hey is it possible that we can just keep this conversation between Sarah, Billie, and Joyce going for a few more weeks? Sarah sporting a shirt and tank top is really easy on the eyes – I MEAN THIS CONVERSATION HAS THE POTENTIAL TO GREATLY EXPLORE JOYCE AND SARAH’S SISTERLY RELATIONSHIP.

    1. hmrc4evr

      Sisterly or ‘sisterly’?

  19. Aizat

    BONK!

    1. Yotomoe

      Hey Puppet Pal Clem!

      1. Aizat

        Yes, Puppet Pal Mitch?

        1. Yotomoe

          Can you guess what my favorate type of horse is?

        2. Aizat

          No, what is it?

        3. Yotomoe

          Ab bucking BONK-o!

  20. Melizza

    Sarah is so misunderstood, but she has herself to blame for that misunderstanding with the world. If only she opened up more in a friendlier way, then people wouldn’t be intimidated by her and think of her as being negative, nasty, or hateful. This comment goes without saying, but I had nothing else to say. So, yeah.

  21. shoeboxjeddy

    Yeah I guess their “moment” did come when Joyce was totally stoned (or whatever the term for roofied is… is it roofied?).

    Still, does the tone and colored text and everything in this one seem weird to anyone else? Like Joyce is suddenly yelling and then Sarah teleports a bat into her hands and then speaks in a colored font?

    1. insomniac

      “Roofied” is a valid word.

  22. Uniqueantique

    I see that while Sarah denies hating Joyce, she doesn’t say anything about not hating everything else. I don’t think Sarah really hates anything, but she does has a low ‘bullshit’ tolerance point. Didn’t she say early on that she’s on scholarship and that a smoker in her dorm room could have cost her her college education. She makes it clear to anyone interested, or not, that she is there to study and thats all she’s there for. Shows why she feels about Billy the way she does.

  23. Yotomoe

    Billies Face

    1. Jehosaphat

      Yuuuuup

  24. Kernanator

    Wow, I was just kidding with the comment I made yesterday.

  25. Resne

    “I’LL BEAT SOME SENSE INTO YOU”
    “AAAGH!”
    “…with a wire whisk, because I’m making lemon meringue pie.”
    “Oh. …Wait, what?”

  26. L

    How much time does it take Sarah to beat a moron? EEERGH! Too slow. She’s a friken blur here, if you were from where she was from, you’d be f***** dead!

    1. Resne

      Look at me. I’m an Asian chubby cheerleader! They’ve got more *************** than they have the likes of me!

      1. Aizat

        Look, buddy. I’m baseball bat and that means I solve problems. But not problems like what is beauty. Because that would fall within the purview of your conundrums of philosophy. I solve practical problems. For instance, how am I gonna stop some big mean motherhubbard from tearin’ me a structurally superfluous new behind? The answer? Bonk a guy on the head and if that don’t work, do it again.

      2. L

        If punching is sure to result in injury then you must punch!
        Mike said that, and I’m pretty sure he knows a little more about trolling than YOU do pal because he invented it! And then he perfected it so that no living being could best him in the ring of honor!

        Then he used his troll money to buy TWO of every freshman in college, and then he herded them all to a dorm, and then he beat the crap out of every single one!

        1. Resne

          I am heavy weapons Sarah. And this is my weapon. It weighs five and a half pounds and swings its maple composite shaft at upwards of twenty miles per hour. It costs absolutely nothing to swing this weapon for twelve seconds. BAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

        2. L

          Some people think they outsmart her. Maybe… *Sniff*.. Maybe…..

          I have yet to meet one that can outsmart bat…

          UWAAAAA! HAHAHAHAHAHA! BLEED SOME MOOORE!!!

          Heheheheh… Bleed some more…

  27. jake36x

    Bat of JUSTICE!!! amen

    1. dusk

      I agree with sollux here, all it needs is a cape, some bat themed throwing stars, and a troubled past where his parents were robbed and killed in front of him. He is the night.

  28. Vitor

    na na na na na na na na na na na na na
    na na na na na na na na na na na na na
    na na na na na na na na na na na na na
    na na na na na na na na na na na na na
    na na na na na na na na na na na na na
    This bat salved your life…
    =o)

    Sorry Willis, I can’t resist.

  29. Dr.Z

    Man. Joyce is being a bit of a bongo right now. Her friend opens up to her, and Joyce shots back she hates everyone and everything.

    What a jerk.

    1. Historyman68

      Her friend opens up to her by telling her that she hates her other friend- right in front of that other friend. Not super cool on Sarah’s part either.

      1. Gargamel

        To be fair at least she’s direct.
        And ‘kind-of right’.
        She’s just doing it in the worst possible way which is typical Sarah really

  30. LiC

    I really didn’t expect Joyce to react like that. I mean, granted, Sarah doesn’t come off as the nicest person, but I wouldn’t have expected Joyce to believe that Sarah ever hated her.

    1. insomniac

      Remember, the only time Sarah ‘opened up’ to her was while Joyce was roofied. Doesn’t remember it at all. Otherwise, she’s done nothing but snark and nastiness. Up to and including “I don’t want to make friends.”

      Joyce might be looking for the good in everyone, but I don’t think her experience has taught her anything about the sort of people who just don’t come out and say they like someone.

      1. jake36x

        Simple solution: roofie her

  31. AJBulldis

    You’re not my real mom, Sarah!

    1. Aizat

      No Joyce! I AM YOUR MOTHER!

      1. ryan

        Join me, and together we can rule the campus as mother and daughter!

  32. HMRC4EVR

    The big thing for me is how will Billie react to the whole ‘if it keeps Billie from hanging out with you’ statment Sarah made. It’s doubtful Billie didn’t hear that so we might see what Sarah really thinks of Billie and how Billie responds.

    Billie would seem to be someone who would take great offense at being considered a bad influence- which she may or may not be-since she doesn’t see herself that way.

    Going to be interesting to see how this plays out (if it does) at this time.

    1. Gargamel

      Billie going psycho in 1. 2. 3…

    2. Aydr

      Well, Billie is already fully aware that Sarah dislikes her, and I’m prettttttty sure she’s scared of her. Billie’s not exactly brave so far.

  33. Raticate5

    Even cyclops-Billie is scared by the bat.

    1. Aydr

      she’s so scared that her right eye fled in terror and the left is trying to follow

  34. Jimbo

    haha oh that was excellent!

  35. Charles RB

    And this is reason #51 of why Sarah is my favourite character.

  36. Kirt Dankmyer

    Showing concern… YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG

  37. artemi

    Well… she didn’t save Joyce’s LIFE, but she did save something precious, I suppose…

    1. Resne

      I’m not entirely sure El Rapisto would have let her live.

      1. Aydr

        Ok, the dude’s an evil douchebag, but I kinda highly doubt MURDER was on his schedule for the night.

        1. Aizat

          Are you sure?

        2. Aydr

          Pretty sure. Date rape doesn’t *usually* end in murder.

  38. Ryan

    Any likingness I had of Joyce has now gone out the window. What a jerkass.

    1. Historyman68

      I hate it when people say that kind of thing. Look, people have arguments, they get mad, they say or do stupid, tactless things sometimes. Both Sarah and Joyce are very honest people, and that means sometimes they’re insensitive. Doesn’t mean that “all the likingness you had for them has gone out the window.”

  39. Krimson

    Batgirl! Now we just need a Batgirl/Amazigirl slash… er crossover.

  40. Plasma Mongoose

    I kinda feel bad for Sarah this time.

  41. Rebecca

    I actually laughed out loud.

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