164

Schoolday
Posted on February 11, 2018 by David M Willis

164 thoughts on “Schoolday”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    Faz is completely aware of how punchlines work best by not explaining the joke

    here is a graph that proves it

    it has up-ness!

    1. Bagge

      So has his penis.

      Here is another graph that correlates the previous graph to his penis.

      1. Rezby

        Not this time! P sure he’s a minor and thus going to be very oblivious, in true faz fashion, how things actually work.

        1. tirachokko

          Don’t know about that, given that he’s read plenty of guides on how to woo women apparently already

        2. Dean

          Internet guides, though.

        3. thejeff

          PUA guides, apparently. So he certainly doesn’t know how things actually work, but he’s certain he does. Which is true Faz fashion.
          Which is why he has a graph correlating the upness of the graph to the upness of his penis.

        4. Ryek Hvek

          everything Faz needs to know was there in the assembly instructions for various toy kits, such as “Insert Tab A into Slot B”

        5. thejeff

          Repeat if necessary.

    2. DSL

      Faz is not bound by rules of joke telling. Faz disregards deleterious effects of explantion upon his humorousness.

  2. Doctor_Who

    Stairs or no, that was remarkably fast. Maybe it’s like that Droopy cartoon, and there’s actually more than one Faz.

    That may be the scariest thought I have ever had.

    1. Kitanin

      Truly, he is a multi-faz-eted annoyance.

    2. Yumi

      Depends on how long panel 4 went on for.

    3. foamy

      Northwest Hounded Police, yeah?

    4. Lokitsu

      Doctor: that’s a Faz-inating theory.

    5. SgtWadeyWilson

      Ah, so you’re saying three versions of Faz from different times all somehow ended up in one time and place? It’s one of those episodes.

      1. DinaWho

        At least they aren’t fragmented throughout time and trying to steal the Mona Lisa.

    6. someone

      When the Faz enters the campus, Amber begins to lose patience. Let me use this example: Imagine four Fazes in the dorm stairways. Say a direct copy of the Faz nearest the corridor is sent to the back of the line of Fazes and takes the place of the first Faz. The formerly first Faz becomes the second, the second becomes the third, and the fourth gets shoved in the elevator.

      Faz works the same way.

    7. BrokenEye, the True False Prophet

      Or *Illuminatus!*, where John Dillinger turns out to be five identical quintuplets, four of which remain active under assumed names after “his” arrest (and one of which may or may not have assassinated John F. Kennedy)

      1. Needfuldoer

        Oh come on, everyone knows the Zodiac Killer’s dad was the one on the grassy knoll that day.

        1. thejeff

          Probably. If I recall Illuminatus! correctly, there were 4 or 5 different people shooting at Kennedy.
          All conspiracy theories are true.

          “Lie down on the floor and keep calm.”

  3. JetstreamGW

    That’s… uh…

  4. Keulen

    Holy shit, this just supports my theory that Faz can teleport.

    1. Dave

      Or that the stairs are very close to the elevator.

  5. Bagge

    Faz is magical.

    So are bog trolls, so sure, why not.

  6. Haven

    Same.

  7. laladoria

    No, Faz. Please. Ignore the chapter title and just go home.

  8. Ned

    “He wouldn’t stay away”

    1. Lux

      I had completely forgotten about that song until now.

    2. foamy

      But nobody thought he was a goner 🙁

      1. TachyonCode

        I was hoping.

    3. Cass

      Hopefully trying to get rid of Faz will have a lower body count than ditching the cat.

  9. Serenityneko

    Shrödinger’s Faz??

    1. Ned

      Heh. Because of the cat song…

    2. adjudicus

      “Faz’s penis is both simultaneously inside and outside of you”

  10. Danni

    why wont faz go away?

    1. ZerglingOne

      I’d guess because he’s run away and has no good way of expressing himself to Amber that he hates life.

  11. Inahc

    …but the cat came back, he just wouldn’t stay awaaaay! 🙂

    1. Inahc

      and in case anyone doesn’t know the song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVH3DzrseWs

    2. Bicycle Bill

      I always preferred this version —
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Du0hKucI-7w

    3. leadsynth

      and I thought I was the only one who knew that song. But that’s Willis’ uncanny ability to dredge up stuff from my youth.

  12. Stephen Bierce

    It’s a shame the elevator had a car in it. An empty elevator shaft would have been more satisfying.
    *plays “Let’s Go Crazy” on the hacked Muzak*

    1. Commentary Ver.2.72

      The full song or the radio edit that skips the opening? The radio edit makes me sad.

    2. Jamie

      Well, the stairs don’t have a car in them, probably.

    3. Mephron

      Unfortunately, I doubt that Faz would take the LA Law Retirement Plan if offered.

      watch https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mj8FIbuoWPY if you don’t get the reference.

    4. HMRC4EVR

      I agree. Let’s ‘L.A. Law’ his ass.

  13. DashingDeinonychus

    So does inexplicable Batmanning just run in the family?

    Hopefully it skips generations and Amber doesn’t have to worry about a Court of Blaines or a Blaine Bane or something.

    1. Needfuldoer

      It runs in Faz’s family. We won’t have to worry about Blaine teleporting, but the prospect of Faz’s relatives suddenly appearing around the next corner is almost as scary.

  14. John

    This is a woman who just a few days ago proved again that she will no-joking cut someone who pisses her off sufficiently. Maybe not the best idea to test exactly where “sufficiently” is, Faz.

    1. Some1

      To be fair Ryan had to do a lot of shit to reach that stage. Ryan’s crimes include rape, attempted rape, attempted murder, idk what else. Faz’s crimes include being annoying, being perverted.

      1. Ed Rhodes

        Also bringing a knife to an Amber fight.

        1. Jason

          He was literally threatening to knife someone and making it clear that Amber was between him and his target, and implying he was happy to go through her.
          I don’t think she was pissed off. Not really. I think “fight or flight” kicked in and came down hard on “fight”- which probably feels to her like anger in hindsight, but thinking back to her face at the time. I didn’t feel like she was rage-fuelled.

      2. Fart Captor

        Yeah… Amber isn’t anywhere nearly as quick to get violent as she believes herself to be, and that fucker had it coming

  15. Kyrik Michalowski

    I now have the urge to dropkick him into Mike’s path and let nature unfold. Although if Amber really wanted to ruin Amazi-girl’s reputation you could break Faz’s arms. Granted that might get Amazi-girl a Nobel prize or Congressional medal considering her luck.

    1. Mada

      No please don’t put him in Mike’s path. Faz doesn’t need a teacher to hone his broad-based asshole-ishness.

      1. Dave

        Mike doesn’t take apprentices…nor prisoners for that matter.

      2. Formedras

        I concur with Dave. Plus, even Mike has his limits, and helping Faz would be far, far beyond them, LT.

      3. Billy Baggins

        Faz isn’t an asshole, he’s a nerdy douche. Very different creatures, though both can be intelligent, but with severe personality issues.

  16. Dean

    Faz is twins, he’s trying to get Amber’s parents back together Parent Trap-style.

  17. EvilMidnightLurker

    David Willis, please note: There’s some kind of viral mobile phone ad at work on the page.

    1. Lunias

      I got it too!

    2. Torra

      I was about to comment the same! I’ve been getting it the last couple of days when I read on my phone

    3. SpaceshipPilot

      Been getting the same here.

    4. Needfuldoer

      The one that pops up a dialog box that says you’re a winner, and you can’t close it without killing the browser and going into airplane mode? Automatically redirects to some random scam URL like ‘freestuffnotavirus.prize’?

      I see it a lot too, but I’m not sure where it’s coming from.

      Maybe try requesting the ‘desktop version’ of the site? There’s no difference in the content, but maybe that will force your phone browser into identifying itself as a desktop.

      1. Ed Rhodes

        I’m told going to settings and clearing your history will stop it from coming up, at least until you get hit with it again! There doesn’t seem to be a way to keep it from coming back.

        1. Dave

          uBlock helps, it’ll kill (nearly)all the ads on the process.

      2. EvilMidnightLurker

        That’s the one, and… the desktop trick seems to be working, thanks 🙂

    5. Mephron

      I reported it to Hiveworks, as I think they help handle the ad networks, and I’ve gotten in on multiple Hiveworks comcs (here, EGS, Between Failures).

  18. Blender

    Wow. That was pretty fazt.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Fazcinating

      1. Emoroffle

        oh hey nice Kei pic PM, she’s my favorite character in Moyashimon

        1. Blender

          Incidentally, Moyashimon is my favorite Digimon.

  19. Geneseepaws

    He wasn’t there again, today,
    Oh how I wish he’d go away!
    Go away! Go away! And don’t come back any more.
    Go away! Go away! And Please don’t slam the door.

  20. Tacos

    So will this be a storyline of Amber repeatedly trying to get rid of Faz only for him to come back in a vicious cycle of escalating absurdity?

    1. Nico

      That would be an odd parallel to the Leslie-Robin plot.

  21. Nono

    I feel like Howard and Faz would be pretty scary if they teamed up.

    1. Danni

      howard would get tired of faz. he’s just an average horny teenage boy. faz is….something else.

      1. das-g

        “something else”, indeed. Specifically a not-entirely-average,-at-least-not-in-every-aspect horny teenage boy.

        1. Jason

          Is he “horny” though? I don’t think we’ve seen any actual sexual desire. He hit on Dina but it felt to me more like him behaving like he thought he was supposed to.

        2. Roborat

          They are probably remembering the previous storyline Faz.

  22. Qube

    h god Faz is twins and they’re both named Faz

  23. All-Purpose Guru

    YE GODS GO THE FUCK AWAY, FAZ

  24. JohnF

    Why all the Faz hate? Just because Amber can’t stand him is no reason to hate him. Yes, he’s clueless, but just ship him over here (in this country and state he’s not a minor..) and I’ll fix that. I think he’s cute and quite sweet, like a really sticky lollies stuck between your teeth.

    1. Inahc

      because of everything he did in Shortpacked. there was a lot of creepiness and a complete immunity to the word “no”.

      1. Charlie Spencer

        That’s not it, or at least not all of it. I’ve never read SP! and I actively dislike this incredibly annoying character. I don’t even find him to be a good comic relief. I can only assume Willis enjoys him, and its his comic.

    2. Parzival

      DoA Faz is supremely annoying. Shortpacked Faz, however, is flat out loathsome. And for many of us, it’s hard to mentally separate the two.

      1. PB

        Thanks for phrasing it so well.

      2. thejeff

        DoA Faz has also had much less exposure. Perhaps he will come to surpass his alternate universe self with more.

    3. BBCC

      Being a creeper to Dina is definitely a strike against him for one.

    4. Kraazivaan

      For what it’s worth, DoA is the first Willis comic I’ve read from the beginning, so I have no idea what he’s done in other alternate universes. Also, I don’t remember seeing him before, even in DoA, so my impression, based entirely on the most recent 3 or so strips, was, “Wow. I currently hate this guy more than anyone else in DoA.”

      As to _why_, at least for me, it is due to the unbelievable levels of ego and smug that I see.

      1. Peter

        All Faz appearances in DoA, to date:

        http://www.dumbingofage.com/tag/faz/

    5. Dean

      If anything, I prefer DoAFaz to ShortpackedFaz. SFaz was a grown man who knew he made others uncomfortable with his actions, but didn’t care. DFaz is just a damaged kid trapped in an abusive home, who’s still trying to make sense of the world.

      1. Liliet

        ^^^

  25. Nope

    So are those papers in his hand going to be proof about her being amazigirl? Because I get the feeling why he’s actually here is going to be something big (or at least dramatic)

    1. Inahc

      I think that’s his sign.

      1. Nope

        I assume there’s something written on the other side of the sign, plus there’s more than one piece of paper.

    2. Peter

      Note that his hands were empty when he was pushed into the elevator.

      1. David DeLaney

        This matters not. One of his superpowers is the ability to produce charts, and presumably other written material As Long As It’s Creepy, out of apparent thin air. Like hammerspace, except it makes him who you want to wallop with the hammers.

        –Dave, not linking tvtropes. you can thank me later

  26. Parzival

    Novelty is over, make it end please.

  27. Tyramisu

    Oh look he feel down about every flight of stairs in the building. Numerous times.
    This arc is the first time I’ve seen him and I already want him beaten an inch past his life.

    1. Charlie Spencer

      I wouldn’t even enjoy seeing that. I just want the character to disappear immediately, even if no explanation or resolution is offered.

  28. Koms

    Smelly Faz smelly Faz, what are they feeding you

  29. Michael Lanting

    At least the cat waited until the very next day to come back, instead of reappearing instantly.

  30. Cope

    A magical being or a Tex Avery character.

  31. Makkabee

    Quick call to campus security?

  32. kitty

    here is kitty’s finnish word of the day!

    jäte (garbage)

    have a nice day!

    1. TheGrammarLegionary

      How fitting for this strip. Kiitos!

  33. Fidalgo

    I TOLD YOU ABOUT STAIRS BRO

    1. PB

      Thank youuuu~

  34. BenRG

    Okay, so Faz has obviously been doing this a lot, given that Amber is talking about him hanging around her as if it is something that happens a lot. He is also genre savvy, given the way he talks about the trick with the stairs.

  35. NinjaNick

    Faz has telepsychopathic powers.

  36. Some1

    Let’s face it, some of you guys lost your I want to see this character die privileges five Danny’s ago. Can’t we have one fucking strip where we try and be at least a little original because frankly, with Yotomoe posting so infrequently, Cerberus is really the only thing keeping this entire forum from descending into a pointless mess. Hey and you can also help, it’s easy just be original. If you’re angry at a character, step away from the site until you can calm down, focus your efforts on helping the downtrodden rather then beating down the uptrodden, or even worse beating down the downtrodden just because they slightly annoy you. Alternatively, because the last idea was more related to life in general than to the comment page, if you agree with a post, post I reply saying you agree rather than making an entirely new comment to say the exact same thing.

    I’m sorry I just had to get that off my chest, Willis if you want you can ban me. To tell the truth for years I’ve lived in fear of you and your judgment, so I’m done running. I’m done carefully choosing words to avoid upsetting a man I don’t even know. In fact I’m done being scared of anyone’s judgement. To clarify, I don’t hate you or disagree with you on most points (and even those are more how than what) , but I do hate how you’ve come to represent my fear of angering authority. I don’t even think its your fault, but all the people’s who’s fault it is always leave before I can tell them off. I’m sorry.

    1. Some1

      Yeah…I should probably see someone.

      1. Brotato

        Don’t you mean… some1?

        But for real, m8, you ok? Your first paragraph was all well & good, and you usually post pretty good comments, but that last bit was a bit meltdownesque. Do you have any friends up this late to talk to?

        1. Some1

          I’m not melting down as much as reemerging from the liquid from having melted down a while back. I gave up, and there is nothing I can do about that, but I can make it better. When I was a child, I was too scared to protect someone I cared about, because I was scared of getting in trouble. But I’m an adult now, and it’s time to grow up and get over my fears. If anyone here wants my help, just ask, because as long as your cause is just and non bigoted, I will deny Heaven itself to help you.

    2. Liliet

      I… agree with this comment completely re: lost your ‘i want to see this character die’ privileges.

      like, can we just not

      1. Some1

        Steven Universe fans vs Dumbing of Age fans

        SU Fans: sure you might have murdered millions if not billions, destroyed countless life forms and subject thousands of your own kind to horrific experiments but we forgive you.

        DOA fans: Die! Die for the crime of making a single mistake!

        1. BBCC

          ….You and I know very different SU fans.

        2. Some1

          It may be a Tumblr vs Reddit issue. Tumblr has an issue with people who are essentially exactly like Mary but like to hide behind pretending they give a crap about social rights.

        3. BBCC

          Maybe, but personally I trust Reddit about as far as I can throw it.

    3. Roborat

      I reeeeaaaallllly want to make a new post saying the exact same thing. 🙂

  37. Epochflame

    he just couldn’t stay away

  38. Zaxares

    Could somebody explain the alt-text for this strip? I don’t get it. 🙁

    1. Dana

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LjMffHG1V_Q

  39. Eldritch Gentleman

    He is magical? Okay, that’s excuse enough, break out the chainswords and KILL THE WITCH!

    1. SgtWadeyWilson

      Now, now, let’s not go insulting witches by equating Faz to us-*Ahem.* …them.

      1. Eldritch Gentleman

        *narrows his eyes* Are you too perchance a heretical follower of the Chaos Gods?

        1. SgtWadeyWilson

          Me? Follow gods? Ha! I mean, believe in, learn from, attempt to overthrow? Sure. …but follow? *Hysterical laughter.* Honestly, half of every pantheon is a how not to guide, and the other half is… sometimes okayish?

        2. Eldritch Gentleman

          To be fair the main lesson Chaos Gods teach is to “Embrace the excess” be it battle and killing, planning and power lust, diseases or plain physical pleasure… and not only.

        3. Ntrovert

          Blood and souls for Arioch!

      2. StClair

        “They could be witches! Some evil witches– which is ridiculous ’cause witches they were persecuted, wicca good and love the Earth and womyn power and I’ll be over here.”

  40. Abel Undercity

    “Thanks for reminding me of the stairs, Faz!”

    (Kicks him down them)

    1. Needfuldoer

      He’ll ragdoll down the stairs, yet somehow he’ll be waiting in Amber’s room when she gets back.

      1. PB

        There’s a Homestuck reference in here, but I already used it on a previous comic.

        1. Needfuldoer

          It keeps happening.

  41. Just for kix

    List of Annoying Magical Beings:
    1. Angels <- These hypocritical self-claimed do-gooders must die
    2. Old Ones <- Quality of the story often drops whenever the Old Ones get mentioned in any literary work
    3. Faz <- Jar Jar Binks of Dumbing of Age

    1. Rowen Morland

      Out of all the comedy elements they tried to insert into Star Wars I think Jar Jar was the most amusing.

  42. carl320

    Young Miss O’Malley had troubles of her own…

    1. PB

      ? She had a crazy Faz that wouldn’t leave her home… ?

  43. ozzi

    This is not a drill we have a whole story arc with Faz in it. I personally cant stand him, but ya know it might be fun. We might get to see amazigirl knock him out cos amazigirl doesn’t kill, except when she does.

    1. Mada

      I recall him having a weird crush on Dina a while back. I do wonder how he’s going to react when he finds out Dina has a girlfriend.

      1. thejeff

        Poorly. I mean creepily.

  44. Passchendaele

    *Amber pushes Faz into the elevator, presses all the floor buttons, jumps back*

    1. hof1991

      and he gets out one floor away? just how tall is this building?

      1. Passchendaele

        Depending on if there’s public ceiling access via elevator (which I’m guessing there isn’t), two or three floors? Amber may have trouble getting rid of him. 😛

        1. thejeff

          Apparently 6 floors, but the elevator doesn’t go to the sixth.

  45. Andy

    Faz, a better reason for not pointing out the stairs would be so she doesn’t shove you that way.

  46. Liliet

    Faz snark is best snark

  47. Josh Spicer

    No, Faz, seriously, fuck off.

  48. Ntrovert

    Don’t remind her of the stairs, Faz. She might just drop you down them…

  49. Deanatay

    Allow Faz to explain using these convenient charts.

    The Great Faz has developed an interest in the one called Dina Saruyama. This requires that I stalk her everywhere she goes. However, Dina is capable of teleporting through doors, making stalking her very challenging. Fortunately, the law of ‘Faz Is Great’ allows me to gain whatever powers I need to be maximally annoying. Therefore, The Great Faz too can teleport through doors. Let the wooing commence!

    1. David DeLaney

      I wish I did not want to subscirbe to this newsletter.

      –Dave, obDYW: DYW

  50. Aprion

    just throw him back down those stairs.

  51. Mada

    The solution is to throw him off the roof.

  52. DarkoNeko

    Now I’m not advocading to just push him back down the stairs, but.

  53. nightsbridge

    the cat came back is a classic

  54. PB

    And now my favorite childhood song is in this arc. WILLIS DO WE LIKE THE SAME MUSIC LET’S TALK ABOUT MUSIC.

    1. PB

      Also, I get the sinking feeling that Faz will be rendered sympathetic in this arc. Bear in mind, he lives with Blaine, who’s like … ten Fazes and a Clint on his own.

  55. Foxhack

    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH THAT ALT TEXT HOW DARE YOU

  56. Tenn

    Magical… being…

    Oh fuck.

    Faz is Tingle.

    THIS MAKES SO MUCH SENSE.

    1. PB

      CONSPIRACY CONFIRMED

  57. Emperor Norton II

    So yesterday, it was noted that Faz talks about himself similarly to how “President” Shithole talks about himself. And today, he’s proving to be hard to get rid of* and completely ignoring any attempts to do so because he’s utterly oblivious to why they’re doing it.

    If Faz meets Robin, the universe might just implode from all the density in one place dragging everything else in.

  58. Pablo360

    Look, I dislike Faz as much as the next guy, but hashtag goals

  59. Heavensrun

    So like….Okay, stairs, but even with stairs….Either Amber spent a really long time staring at the elevator, or he IS a magical being.

  60. Michael

    GODS DAMN IT NOW I HAVE THE CAT CAME BACK SONG STUCK IN MY HEAD

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*

*

*

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.