322

Sportings
Posted on May 13, 2023 by David M Willis

322 thoughts on “Sportings”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    hey, life hacks: GOING SOMEWHERE WITH ANOTHER PERSON, WHEN THERE’S MUTUAL INTEREST, COUNTS, DOUBLES ARE IRRELEVANT

    also, fuck The Rules

    1. Ana Chronistic

      *is not a very good example, what with first date with Spouse being apartment hunting then Burger King*

      1. True Survivor

        You guys didn’t manage to catch that apartment, huh?
        It’s ok – I heard they don’t taste that great anyway.

        1. Birion

          Can confirm. Now gazebos, on the other hand…

        2. elebenty

          Mmmmm, lattice.

        3. David Alexander McDonald

          With gazebos you run the risk of first being fallen upon, then swallowed.

        4. KingoHrts

          Eric, is that you?

        5. Whirlwitch

          Thank you for that reference. I am married to someone who was there for that game. Living history, I tell you.

        6. LadyIslay

          I hear the dreaded ones are especially spicy.

    2. NGPZ

      yeah fuck ’em

      it’s gotta feel like torture to Lucy at this point. and Danny’s back as well

      *plays “Gang Star Torture Dance” from Golden Wind OST on hacked muzak*

    3. Yumi

      There’s a footnote in the terms and conditions that requires at least one of the three dates to have an “extra” from the approved list. “Double date” meets the criteria. Also acceptable are “travel date” and “medjool date”… wait… that one’s on the wrong list…

      1. Jennifer Bak

        I feel like “activity date”, “Live sports viewing date”, “high-brow date (museum, gallery, a stage show, etc.)” should all count as acceptable extras, so she should be good. 😉

      2. Daibhid C

        Trying to palm us off with the wrong kind of date, eh?

        1. RoyanRannedos

          Danny’s telling them to figget about it.

    4. GholaHalleck

      Walky just has a shirt that says “the rules” on it for just such emergencies.

    5. Needfuldoer

      “also, fuck The Rules”

      Only on the third date or later.

      1. Chris Phoenix

        This kind of Christian isn’t just dating The Rules, she’s been cohabiting with The Rules since they met. “Hi, I’m The Rules. Now that you’ve met me, you’re a bad person if you don’t like me. Let’s move in.”

    6. Clif

      GO team!!!

    7. Gbz

      If there is a 3rd person then it’s not really a date. Especially if that 3rd is your sister. But if there’s a 3rd and 4th and those 2 are a couple then it’s a double date.

      1. thejeff

        But going out the game as a couple is a date, even if his sister is playing and you meet up with them afterwards.

    8. Spacey

      Lucy doesn’t want to fuck the rules. She wants to fuck Walky.

  2. Doctor_Who

    I was gonna count the comments until we got a Garfunkel and Oates reference, but the alt-text did it, so I guess the answer is zero.

    1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

      Garfunkel and Oates?

      [/clueless_old_guy]

      1. Kyrik Michalowski

        They are a comedy duo. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Garfunkel_and_Oates

        1. BadRoad

          Is there also a Hall and Simon?

      2. Rex Vivat

        As someone else said, they’re a comedy duo. Check our their song The Loophole for context.

      3. CrazyJ

        “Sports Go Sports” also is a song that would apply to their venue

      4. Cholma

        Specifically, I believe the Alt text is referring to either :
        “Fuck you” or
        The Loophole

        1. cbwroses

          Wowwww…

        2. Bicycle Bill

          While you’re at it, check out Go-Kart Racing.

        3. superglucose

          Fuck me in the ass ‘cuz I love Jesus!

        4. Sambo

          Excellent gravatar! (For future reference when the gravatars get changed: it’s Lucy)

        5. butting

          “That w– that was Weird.”

          They missed a casting opportunity though, they should’ve had him play Jesus in The Loophole.

      5. ValdVin

        Well, one of them is also Ruby from Steven Universe, if that helps.

        1. Benjamin Geiger

          Sadie, not Ruby.

        2. ValdVin

          Well, I messed that up. But thanks for correcting me, else I won’t learn.

          I can’t believe I confused the two voice actors. (That they both do work in front of the camera and I’m not familiar with it is no excuse.)

      6. zee

        Damn. Garfunkel and Oates are in a weird spot now where apparently there are still folk on the internet too old to have ever heard of them, but most Zoomers are a little too young to have come across their stuff youtube outside of references. If you ask most Zoomers who Kate Miucci(?) is you’d get Webby van der Quack and Sadie Miller

        Didn’t know they were still trucking, that’s awesome

        1. Justnobodyfqwl

          Yeah, it’s very funny seeing how many people will kneejerk to “oh im too old for this” when, in fact, they were mostly active like a decade and a half ago and have both gone on to have completely normal and successful acting careers

    2. Michael Lanting

      I’d never heard of Garfunkel and Oates before. Just watched The Loophole and it was awesome.

  3. Yotomoe

    Don’t knock it until you try it!

    1. Kyrik Michalowski

      I think Walky has tried it, that would explain why he says he doesn’t really care for it. So he either tried it with Dorothy or Amber, and did not enjoy it.

      1. Axel

        Yeah, (HueSatLight is also right, but) “I don’t care for […]” sounds more like it has been tried out, as opposed to something like “I’m not interested in [doing it in the butt].”

        1. Azhrei Vep

          I have never related to Walky less than at this moment.

      2. Rabid Rabbit

        I’m more on team “He knows he’s not interested without having tried,” but if he did, I would guess it was with Amber. I may be slandering Dorothy by saying it just doesn’t seem like something she’d want to try, but there we are, while we know that Amazi-Girl and Danny had a buttplug, though whose it was and for whose use were never elucidated. My headcanon (well, buttcannon, I suppose) was always that it belonged to Amber/A-G, but was exclusively for use on Danny. Though I have no idea why.

        1. Yotomoe

          Unless someone told Dorothy that every president does butt stuff. Then she’d consider it a right of passage.

        2. eh, whatever

          rite, as in religion

        3. Ntrovert

          Passage… heh.

        4. JasonAW3

          We don’t need no stinking butt-cannon!

    2. HueSatLight

      People can know what they’re uncomfortable with, without trying t.

      1. Clif

        That’s true, but my money’s on Walky just not passing up on the opportunity to be snarky.

    3. Rose by Any Other Name

      Butt stuff – far more enjoyable for both parties than popular culture would have you believe.

      1. Axel

        seriously. of course some people just don’t like it, but there’s a lot of false “it’s impossible for afabs to enjoy” around

      2. BarerMender

        Meh. The smell puts me off.

        1. Axel

          different strokes and also different noses and butts but I’ve never noticed a smell

  4. Arcee

    Which part of the Bible is the Third Date Rule in, again?

    1. Jude Deluca

      Gospel of Luke

    2. HueSatLight

      Sermon on the Mount

    3. Slartibeast Button, BIA

      Somewhere in the begats. Or maybe Adam knowing his wife.

    4. Kim

      I believe there is something in the apolistic creed about being ”risen on the third date”

      1. Lien

        Nice !

        But yes Lucy is really disgracing herself there, it’s sad to watch; there are two canons she could go for, “never before marriage” (some dude somewhere, not exactly in the Bible but there is at least some basis for it in it) or “love, and do what thou wilt” (Augustinus of Hippo), trying to circonvene self-imposed rules is so antagonistic to all that can be good in Christianism that she would better just become a honest heathen like Joyce…

        1. Lien

          I guess that I had underestimated how evil American christianism is…

    5. Jenniffniff

      Sexodus

      1. Jenniffniff

        Shaggai

        1. Jenniffniff

          Ecclesiasdeez nuts

          (Sorry I’m done)

        2. Miri

          The avatar combined with the comments… ???

        3. Miri

          When did I become Malaya?!!

        4. BarerMender

          Trade you a Joe.

    6. HueSatLight

      Genesis 1:13-16
      Evening passed and morning came—that was the third date.

      After the third date, God commanded, “Let lights appear in the sky to separate day from night and to mark the seasons, when to sow and when to grind; they will shine in the sky to give light to the earth”—and it was done. So God made the two larger lights, the sun to rule over the day and the moon to rule over the night; he also made the place the sun does not shine.

  5. BBCC

    She’s not lying, I mean we’ve sat through nearly 15 years of Joyce justifications.

    1. BBCC

      GODDAMMIT I am remembering to do grab roulette tonight!

      1. Kyrik Michalowski

        I believe in you, the gravatar path shall eventually open it’s mysteries to you. Then who will be laughing?

      2. Decidedly Orthogonal

        Good luck.

        For the curious:

        There’s a full write-up on Grav Roulette on Walkypedia.

        1. Jenniffniff

          Wow thank you for linking that. I love this community lol.

        2. Miri

          Thank you, I just became MALAYA and need a reshuffle…

      3. zee

        I’ve been doing it subtly since i haven’t noticed any actual roulette threats
        I don’t have it in me to hunt down sal again yet but I’m vibing with Julia Grey

        1. Clif

          Well, it’s not Sal, but probably second best.

    2. 0x2ba22e11

      Joycestifications

  6. shadowcell

    Dumbing of Age Book 13: I Don’t Believe You Realize the Pretend, Self-Placed Hoops a Christian Woman Will Jump Through to Justify Getting Railed

    1. PirateTawnee

      I thought “book title” before I’d even finished reading the last panel.

  7. Masumi

    Um, Lucy? She’s really hung up on this third date thing. Like that’s even remotely the biggest problem.

    1. Angel

      tbh given the freedom of college and teenage hormones 3rd date would be kinda restrained for some ppl’s standards, but maybe this’ll lead to walky blurting out that he’s not ready

      1. Ophidiophile

        She doesn’t want people thinking she is easy.

    2. Vanessa

      Another reminder why I don’t like Lucy or Walky. But her transparency here is refreshing if about as realistic as the fun superhero shenanigans I wish we’d see more of.

      1. Mano308gts

        Interesting… Personally, I hope we never return to the superhero nonsense, it always broke sense of immersion for me. That and Amber being one of my least favorite characters…

        Meanwhile I do find the openness here entertaining.

        1. poofdepoof

          +1 to your entire comment, mano

      2. BarerMender

        I’m with you on the don’t-likes. They deserve each other.

  8. cbwroses

    What the hell is this strip?!
    I thought it was a joke, but April Fools was last month!
    ???

    1. zee

      Well this comics still a comedy when it’s not being a drama

  9. Yotomoe

    >alt text
    I will never think of Kate Micucci as anything else BUT Garfunkle and Oats. Handjob Blandjob is stuck in my head forever but I REALLY love their song on being a Loser. As someone who’s a GIANT loser, it’s really inspirational. If you ever feel bad for losing nonstop give it a listen, fellow losers.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kw2qEUwFbGM

    1. NGPZ

      Thanks Yoto!!!! So so much. Very affirming. ☺

      Here, we’re allowed to be losers. ?

    2. DailyBrad

      I usually think of her first for her voice acting, especially Sadie Miller on Steven Universe.

      1. cbwroses

        Hold up.
        She played Sadie?
        Well, damn.

        1. Yotomoe

          She’s also currently Velma. Well…the only Velma I care about anyway.

        2. Thag Simmons

          She does a decent amount of VA work, she was also Webby in Ducktales and she’s the current voice of Velma

        3. Chris Phoenix

          She was a VA in Ducktales? That’s too perfect.

          For those who haven’t binge-watched Garfunkel and Oates yet – one of their very funny songs is “Sex with ducks”

      2. Axel

        Yes, Sadie here too.

        1. Yotomoe

          I drew a LOOOT of art of Sadie back in the day. (also I still ship her with Lars, Future be damned)

        2. Axel

          shipping doesn’t gotta be canon

          (I agree with you, but I also appreciate the message that people grow apart and don’t have to stay with the person who seemed perfect for them before, especially since kids media tends to do true love from the moment they met)

        3. Yotomoe

          I just like the idea that by the end of the show they each became the others favorite thing. Sadie became a cool kid and a rock star and Lars became a Zombie bounty hunter.

        4. Axel

          that’s a great take

        5. Axel

          my husband added ‘they go apart, then come back together’ and did the diamond salute, because that’s the shape it makes

        6. Yotomoe

          I love that. Yeah I’ll die on that hill.
          https://imgur.com/a/3ZcJRC6 (Old art. Suggestive)

      3. HueSatLight

        Webby as well

    3. True Survivor

      I love “Loser” – it was helpful to me in some moments of real self doubt.

    4. AbacusWizard

      I still think of her as that awesome occasionally-appearing character in Scrubs. And also a briefly-appearing character in Bart Got A Room. And also I think she’s in the new Duck Tales? which I really ought to watch at some point.

      Also also, she plays cool songs.

      1. Justnobodyfqwl

        No other human being in the entire world has ever, ever talked about Dave Got A Room. I watched a nonzero but incomplete amount of that movie SOLELY because I had a huge crush on Kate Miccuci after seeing her in Scrubs.

    5. zee

      She’ll always be webby to me

  10. Slartibeast Button, BIA

    Self-placing your hoops? Won’t that make you go blind?

    1. Qube

      or require glasses, at least, apparently

  11. DailyBrad

    Amazing last panel.

    Also, I do indeed remember Garfunkel and Oates. I love those two, which is why I choose to pretend Kate Micucci wasn’t/isn’t shilling NFTs.

  12. Some1

    Hold on, is the third date rule a Christian thing? I mean I admit I haven’t read all of the Bible but I’m fairly certain there isn’t a part where Jesus says: you shalt not do it until the third date, unless thee do it in her rectum, then it be cool.

    1. DailyBrad

      I don’t think it’s actually one necessarily, it was something Walky and Lucy decided on early as sort of an arbitrary rule because there was sexual tension but they didn’t want to act on it yet, Lucy for religious reasons and I guess reasoning that if she waits at least a few dates, it’ll mean she isn’t rushing into it and it is thus more permissible.

      Walky joked it was something Jesus dictated on Sermon at the Mount, in his usual irreverence about Christianity.

    2. Angel

      I think ‘third date’ is more popular culture, but a repressed christian could easily interpret it as ‘it’s ok because it means 3 dates is enough to mean he’ll be committed enough to stay’, though there is a stereotype? about christians being married pretty soon after high school/college/after a year or so of knowing someone if only just for the sex (though i guess depending, you could easily do a quickie divorce and move on, maybe discreetly but i imagine if that kinda stuff bothered you , idk how many ppl would move on too soon after the last even if they’re disappointed with the sex since they’d have a reputation/not want it to let it affect how others in their church perceived them)

    3. Vanessa

      The kind of extreme Christians whose youth pastors or parents force them to make virginity pledges have all sort of justifications and loopholes and pretend rules to get around actually being virgins at marriage. There are also a lot of sexist expectations that a girl will do whatever it takes to keep her boy. And also a lot of abortions. Girls will get expelled for a pregnancy!

    4. AbacusWizard

      Some branches of Christianity are really good at making up new rules and then pretending they’re in the Bible and then, over the generations, completely forgetting that they’re *not* in the Bible.

      1. Dr. T

        It’s like all of the Lost Commandments given in Moral Orel.

    5. eh, whatever

      It’s an American conservative-but-not-too-fundie thing.

    6. zee

      It’s something between waiting till marriage and being a downright HARLOT

  13. Josh Spicer

    “I don’t believe you realize the pretend self-placed loop holes a Christian woman will jump through to justify getting railed.”

    …I mean if you’re just gonna say it.

  14. Badluck1313

    Danny’s doing the DOA “this is hot” lip-bite, which means he has the opportunity to do the funniest thing of all time

    1. jflb96

      Take Walky’s girlfriend in a misguided act of pseudo-vengeance?

  15. TrueVCU

    DISCOMFORT FOR EVERYONE!

  16. Bittersweet

    This is outrageous, it’s unfair

    1. Bittersweet

      On a serious note though, I don’t understand the third date thing. I used to be terrified of sex due to my Christian upbringing and when I finally managed to do it, it was because I believed I would be with the dude for the rest of our lives (I was wrong, it was not meant to be.) Like… an arbitrary number makes less sense to me as justification than simple “But we’re SpIrItUaLlY bOnDeD” would. Idk, maybe because the third date rule feels so impersonal and sex is still a very personal thing for me.

      I wonder how Lucy would’ve reacted to dating my husband. He gave me an estimated timeline of 5 years. We only waited a month, but him thinking that was how long it took to advance a relationship to that stage threw me for a loop and I still tease him to this day (for the record, we had our daughter after 3 years together.)

      1. Angel

        i wonder if it’s an international thing or just an american pop culture thing since you here ‘stereotypes’ about certain other countries being promiscuous or ‘handsome europeans’ seducing tourists or so quickly

        Though it would be kinda shitty but other than ppl knowing “ok, expecting sex on the first date would be coming on too strong but if it doesn’t happen on the third date i won’t bother anymore/ghost them” But to me it’d rly depend on how long you knew them before hand because 3 dates after a platonic friendship of someone you’ve known for like 5 years seems reasonable compared to ‘3 dates with someone who was a complete stranger/set up with a blind date’ depending on your experience/maturity level, though feels like it should still be talked about beforehand for ppl to prepare with grooming and getting supplies and all that

        1. efes

          I’m Polish and have lived in a few places in Europe over the years, and this has always seemed to be a weird, post-puritanical American thing. In fact, this extends to the entire notion of dating as some sort of semi-formalised courtship (and sort of similar to the conception of high school in American pop culture, which is completely unrelatable for me).

        2. milu

          Yeah, same.
          “Dating” has become more of a thing now in France with dating apps, like those do carry the built-in assumption that sex/romance is the desired end point of the encounter. But as a testament to how this is still a recent, imported concept people will often use the emglish word in this context, saying things like “j’ai un date ce soir” or “Lui c’est un gars que j’ai daté l’an dernier”.

          “Date” is actually a french word too, but in these contexts it is pronounced different (and gendered different too, at least in my hexagonal-ass experience, no doubt french canadians, as often with english loanwords, tend to use the feminine gender where we default to the masculine)

          (see also the ridiculous debates we’ve had as to how to gender “covid” lol, that was pretty silly)

        3. Ldot

          Yeah, similar for me as well. I’m Italian (and a late Nineties teen, just for chronological context) and we didn’t really have the concept of “dating”. Although the culture has probably changed with time and American influence. I’m not living in Italy anymore so I can’t say for certain.

        4. thejeff

          Maybe it’s because I’m American, but if you don’t have the concept of dating, what do you have? Like, some kind of romantic relationships are still a thing, right?
          What do you do?

        5. milu

          so speaking as a french person born and raised in the 90s-2000s, it’s not the part where you describe a romantic relationship as “dating someone” that’s foreign (the usual expression we use is “sortir avec” = to “go out” with a person, though that doesn’t necessarily involve any outings).

          it’s moreso the idea that there could be such a thing as a meet-up between two people who aren’t yet in a relationship, that is explicitly declared “a date”, and for this to matter in some way, to be a specific category.

          like, as a teen, there was always something kind of alien and hard to fathom to me in say, teen sitcoms when a character would ask someone they fancied out “on a date” thereby clarifying their romantic intentions upfront. i didn’t think i would enjoy this sort of pre-emptive declaration. like, the idea of someone going “are you asking me on a date?” is a bit hard to conceive, i feel like i would get defensive, like, “no, i just wanna go have dinner, talk, and then haha, who knows what might happen??!”

          idk if that clears it up any.

        6. milu

          oh, and i’m mostly focusing on how it feels weird to call sth a date when people aren’t yet together, but this here with Lucy and Walky, where they have to somehow quantify the progress of their relationship by number of “dates” is part of that culture.
          like, my romantic life isn’t really standard in some ways, but i’ve never considered outings to be significant milestones of a relationship in any way, sure they’re nice, but it’s not like… a thing. you don’t “go on a date”, you just… go to the movies with your sweetheart or whatever. and maybe you go just the two of you, or maybe with a couple of friends, but there’s no specific phrase like “double date” that i’m aware of in french.

        7. thejeff

          Honestly, that basically fits my experience, especially in college – which seems more Walky and Dorothy or Dina & Becky. I’d agree that the internet dating world changes things. There were some times post college where it was useful to make clear when first asking someone who was already a friend that the intention is actually romantic, rather than just a couple friends hanging out.

          In the context of the comic, I think it’s pretty clear that Lucy’s the odd one out even in this American crowd and that it’s mostly because of hoops she’s placed for herself.

        8. milu

          Oh sure, its clear that Lucy is taking this way too far, but she does have a concept to invest that doesn’t really exist in many other cultures

        9. Ldot

          What Milu is saying pretty much holds for me as well. Similar things happen, they’re just more undefined/fuzzy. You flirt with someone, maybe you meet at classes or parties or you have a friend group in common. Maybe you go out together alone a few times, although this isn’t necessary. Eventually you formalize it in some way (in Italian the verbiage is “being together”). Of course this is all a lot more relevant to high school/college. I’ve been with the same person since I was 25 so I don’t have much experience with grown-up dating 😀

      2. HueSatLight

        Her three date rule is funny because they’re not dating.

  17. Suet

    Now the cheers make sense. Get his ass, Lucy!

    I mean, yes I remember that song from G&O, but is it dramatic irony considering Oates’ surname?

    1. Bo

      “get his ass” i mean, pegging is the *other* loophole, but im thinking ‘no butts’ also applies to Walky too??

  18. Schpoonman

    Damn, Lucy, get it.

  19. Icalasari

    …Lucy has AMAZING leg strength in the last panel

    1. Abel Undercity

      She is highly motivated.

    2. BarerMender

      It looks like Danny is holding them both up with his arms.

  20. Agentomega

    “What? How can you do this? This is outrageous; it’s unfair. How can we both be on dates and it not be a double date?!”
    “Take a seat Lucy.”

  21. Yotomoe

    Honestly I hope this doesn’t count as a 3rd date because I desperately don’t want these two to have sex. That just seems like an accident waiting to happen. These two have the compatibility of skittles and M&Ms. They look nice together but if someone mixed em up in a bowl it’ll be terrible for everyone involved.

    1. cbwroses

      Great analogy.

      1. Angel

        ANALogy ;P

    2. Kyrik Michalowski

      You know, I have never tried to eat Skittles and m&m’s at the same time. I wonder if it is as gross as people make it out to be.

      1. Angel

        depends on how much you like fruit + chocolate, i think it’d be ok compared to like making it sour skittles

      2. Angel

        searching it up, “chocolate skittles” are a thing

        https://www.ebay.com/itm/115459710584

      3. RassilonTDavros

        I think the tastes would probably go together well enough, but the textures are so completely incompatible that the experience would really suffer.

    3. sakamism

      Actually a perfect analogy, lol

  22. Kyrik Michalowski

    Whoa there Lucy, it doesn’t have to be a double date in order to count as a date for you and Walky. Also, since Sal is in the rink and not sitting/standing with you 3 then it hardly counts as a date for her. She isn’t spending time with Danny; Danny is encouraging her from the sidelines and trying to support her as a good boyfriend. Just because you have some crazy 3 date rule for fucking doesn’t mean you have to force someone else to acknowledge your date.

    Also, I have never understood the idea that anal somehow doesn’t count as actual sex. Can someone explain/defend why anal doesn’t count?

    1. BarerMender

      It’s the sex God can’t see.

      1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

        But didn’t God show Moses his hind parts?

        1. BarerMender

          That’s more Bible than I know.

        2. Slartibeast Button, BIA

          Exodus 33:17-23

        3. BarerMender

          God was a perv, wasn’t he? Reminds me of Jean-Jacques Rousseau, who would go into an alley, drop his breeches, and hope a woman would come along and spank him.

    2. Yumi

      I could see the “logic” somehow being from the idea that sex is really for procreation… so if you can’t procreate that way, it’s not really sex. And that the hymen determines virginity (look, we all know this is bullshit), so if a dick doesn’t break your hymen, you’re still a virgin, therefore you haven’t had sex.

    3. Derek

      Anal doesn’t count because only sex that can possibly result in a pregnancy is real. Yes, this “loophole” has been used by queer people in the past to say that they’re still virgins

      1. Angel

        its def a silly concept but ppl consider losing virginity when you’re penetrated as a girl with your ‘hymen’ being stretched out/broken tho that can happen earlier in life from other activities

        (though, even if lucy and walky were both ok with it, i’d think lucy wouldn’t want anal unless you somehow get lucky on it feeling good for women the first time/can reach ur g spot from there like men can but it’d be quite unlikely)

        1. Derek

          I mean, virginity is a made up concept either way and what counts as losing your virginity varies across cultures. The “you can keep track of virginity by the breakage of the hymen” is but ONE cultural conception of virginity.

        2. BarerMender

          To put a finer point on it (too fine?) virginity was made up by men to control women.

      2. Axel

        also just, sex ed for other readers- you can get pregnant from anal (if fluids end up getting near the vulva, which can be hard to avoid, especially if you’re using the “it can’t get you pregnant” logic and therefor don’t use a condom)

        1. Derek

          Bro not to harsh on your tidbit here, but it’s incredibly unlikely to get pregnant from getting semen near or on the vulva during anal sex. The sperm would have to travel into the vagina and then through it for insemination to happen. There’s a lot of bizarre luck and very specific chances that would have to present themselves for the sperm to even have a chance.

          I’m not saying it’s impossible! It’s definitely a higher than zero chance. It’s just….highly unlikely.

          Young people trying out anal sex for the first time should worry more about STDs and injuries from lack of appropriate lubrication.

          The way I would word it for sex ed: anal sex is not a good substitute for condoms or contraception because despite lowering the chances for pregnancy, it increases your chances of injury and getting an STI. To have unprotected anal sex is still a high risk activity

        2. Axel

          Yes, this is a better way of putting it. In my defense, I was coming at it from a ‘please use condoms* even if at a glance it seems like it couldn’t get you pregnant’ standpoint

          *or other birth control if that’s the main concern, but for the reasons you already outlined, condoms emphasized)

    4. HueSatLight

      Walky and Lucy may be thinking of different definitions for rail.

      1. HueSatLight

        or I more likely I just read the flow of the conversation wrong

    5. Angel

      given how they apparently hung out off screen (same as we were before, but “more handholding” at Taco bell), surprised she didn’t retroactively consider one of their first one on one hangouts a ‘date’

      or their ‘movie night’

    6. tim gueguen

      Because a vagina and/or hymen isn’t involved, and there’s no chance of pregnancy.

  23. BarerMender

    Danny: Your hoops are your problem. Now get off before I punch you in the liver.

  24. cbwroses

    How is Lucy suddenly taller than Walky and looming over Danny at the same time?
    Did she take ballet and is standing on max tiptoe right now?
    Did horniness make her have a sudden growth spurt?
    Did she get a transfusion of gamma irradiated blood from her superhero cousin?

    1. Some1

      She’s grabbing onto Danny and hosting herself up. If her legs were still on the ground they would be bending backwards.

      1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

        She has her ankles wrapped around Walky’s knees. It’s a move in the right direction.

    2. RassilonTDavros

      Clearly she’s secretly training to become Amazi-Girl II!

      …jokes aside, I think it would be really interesting to see how AmbG would react to someone else taking up the name like that in this universe, where Amazi-Girl is a distinct entity separate from Amber in their brain, rather than just a costume Amber sometimes puts on to whack people with a corn popper.

      1. Some1

        Alternatively what if Amazi-Girl’s exploits inspired someone to take on the role of supervillain?

        1. RassilonTDavros

          I think the kidnapping plot pretty much already covered that ground.

    3. BarerMender

      She has Danny bent over backwards. Resting on his hands, I believe.

      1. cbwroses

        But she still shouldn’t be taller than Walky with Danny now so far backwards that he’s shorter than Walky.

  25. RassilonTDavros

    Wait what

    I thought Walky liked butts

    1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

      Butts are for fondling, or for admiring so they doesn’t know you’re ogling them.

    2. DailyBrad

      You can like butts without being into anal, trust me.

      1. Kyrik Michalowski

        This ^

        Also I accidentally flagged you, sorry.

      2. milu

        I mean
        Who doesn’t like butts
        Thinking butts are sexy is probably the single indisputable actual human universal

        1. Andy

          Sorry to break your bubble, but butts aren’t universally sexy, very few butts have been attractive to me, but I might just be an outlier, so maybe we can ignore my data point.

        2. milu

          no no, your data point is valid and my hypothesis is therefore debunked! thank you for contributing to the butt science. (i was actually being silly) (the very concept of a human universal is a bit of a bugbear of mine actually) (hence the joke) (but also i do like butts) (but also not feeling aroused by butts is a normal and common thing, probably) (also also i was not being particularly cute to ace-spec peeps as Yumi pointed out) (ty yumi) (shutting up now)

        3. Yumi

          Gonna add on that some people just don’t find stuff– sometimes especially body stuff– to be “sexy.” Just bringing this up as I’m currently struggling with being maybe ace, so seeing things I’m not sure I experience as “the single indisputable actual human universal”— while clearly joking in its hyperbole– still doesn’t feel great.

        4. milu

          ah, that’s fair. sorry about that and thanks for the reality check! i still suck at ace-inclusivity clearly. =/ gonna work on that.

        5. BarerMender

          Yeah, there are all kinds of possibilities. I like the female physique, but even though I swing both ways, I don’t care at all about the male physique.

    3. Angel

      i mean, some ppl are into butts aesthetically might not automatically be into anal.

  26. Grimey

    It was not until this comic that I realized Lucy reminds me of an ex from college. I knew there was a reason I couldn’t warm up to her as a character.

  27. Angel

    lol the thirst. and it still could be a date w/o it being a ‘double’ date lol

  28. HueSatLight

    It’s like they’re demanding he jump on the bed while they soak.

    1. Vanessa

      The weird fundamentalist Christian antics are way too unbelievable for a comic. Amazing how people will twist themselves up into knots.

  29. Cmasta1992

    Anyone else get weirdly hot for Last Panel Lucy?

    Just me?

    1. DailyBrad

      If we read into Danny’s lip-bite, it’s not just you. In any case, Lucy’s a real cutey, so I get it.

      1. Angel

        seemed more like fear to me then again even in comic/drawn art form , i always thought the ‘lip bite as sexual’ portrayal a bit odd, maybe because i never like biting my lip accidentally or purposefully /feels like it’d look sillier irl lol

    2. Yotomoe

      Naw. But I am Normally hot for last panel Lucy. Nothing hotter to me than a girl who really wants to consensually have sex at someone.

      1. milu

        And is prepared to throttle anyone who’ll stand in her way.

      2. Taffy

        Having consensual sex at people seems more Malaya’s speed, considering her and Joe’s hookup.

  30. Dana

    Little does Lucy know, Danny is Dan’s legal name.

  31. Slartibeast Button, BIA

    Do Dan and Sal have to sign her card or something, so she is authorized to get boned?

    1. DailyBrad

      It’s a punch card. Three dates and you can fuck, five dates and you get a free sandwich.

      1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

        Don’t you need a third person for a sandwich?

        1. cbwroses

          I think a big teddy bear with a strap on would do in a pinch.

      2. BarerMender

        Today’s best post.

    2. Bo

      permission slip from god

      1. Bo

        also:

        Him: “I consent :)”

        Her: “I consent :)”

        [ Aren’t you FORGETTING someone…? ]

        *Danny, looking up from his phone*: “No…”

        1. HueSatLight

          lolirl

        2. Yotomoe

          HAhaha

        3. milu

          Excellent ?

        4. Slartibeast Button, BIA

          See the sex contract negotiations from “Cherry 2000.”

  32. Throwatron

    okay i now love lucy, you go girl

  33. Sirksome

    Wait, what? I don’t pay attention for a half sec and suddenly Walky has opinions on anal? I did not expect that from him.

  34. Drain

    In another time…

  35. Derek

    I wonder if Lucy realizes that “the third date rule” might be culturally Christian, but has nothing to do with actual dogma. (the last panel makes me think she does)
    In fact this rule is borne straight out from slut-shaming: any girl that puts out on the first date is a slut but if she doesn’t by the third she’s a cold fish. It comes from an era when women’s sexuality was so repressed people claimed it didn’t exist. It was a time when “good girls” were supposed to always say no sex, even if they wanted it. It’s the era that gave us the song “Baby it’s cold outside” and its subtext, nearly incomprehensible to modern people.

    1. Bryy

      The last panel is weird for me because it speaks to a higher level of self-awareness we’ve not yet seen from Lucy, and I can’t be quite sure that it exists for anything other than comedy.

      1. Axel

        The one thing keeping it more real for me is that she mentioned it to Sal and Sal called her out on being a “third-date puritan” or something like that, so that may have made Lucy a little more cognizant of it?

      2. Mark

        Yeah, it felt like she was stepping (vaulting?) out of character.

    2. cbwroses

      Well, a woman who kisses on the very first date is usually a hussy.
      And a woman who waits for the second time out is anything, but fussy.
      But the woman who waits til the third time around, head in the clouds, feet on the ground, she’s the one you’re glad you’ve found; she’s your shapoopie.

      Or so that one song from that one musical I don’t know anything else about says.
      Maybe Lucy’s a fan.

      1. Bo

        she cant his shapoopie, he already established no butt stuff!

      2. Bryy

        I’m just so happy right now.

      3. Yotomoe

        I hear that girl is hard to get. But if you play your cards right you might win her yet.

  36. Kim

    There are so many christians in this comic. Goddamn.

    1. KM

      …I dunno, from my knowledge of Midwestern demographics that seems about right?

      I mean I’m not American and my country as a whole is not majority Christian by any means, but in my particular region/class? The ratio is higher than one might think.

    2. Nono

      The only devout ones are Lucy and Becky? Joyce is a former one. Otherwise the ‘yeah, we’re Christian I guess’ are Jennifer and Danny?

      1. KM

        Main cast only? If we look at the supporting cast…
        Well there’s Sierra who is still churchgoing, Jacob is Episcopal, Mary is a walking holier than thou fundie archetype, I forgot the name of the Mormon girl.. ah, Agatha.

        I think if you want to have at least one of every variety of Christian one might reasonably encounter as a named character it seems quite reasonable.

        1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

          What do you get when you collect the whole set?

          [/old_Joe]

    3. Amós Batista

      DoA is so much realistic.

    4. Thag Simmons

      Yeah there’s quite a lot of them in real life too

  37. Axel

    Curious if they discussed the anal loophole (I can’t imagine they did (I think Lucy would melt in shame and/or excitement), but Lucy’s non-reaction makes it kind of feel like it)

  38. Ty34er

    I’ll be honest: didn’t think Walky wouldn’t like anal.

    I just typed those words, what am I dining with my life

  39. Bo

    Danny finds out that there are worse feelings to have than hate! Like

    fear

    1. Jay

      Are you sure that’s fear? Fearousal, maybe?

      1. Zaxares

        The correct term is “scaroused”! 😉

        1. J.Gawain

          I like “feared on” myself.

    2. Slartibeast Button, BIA

      What about ruthless efficiency?

  40. Doopyboop

    It says a lot that my first thought was that Walky didn’t wanna be on the receiving end of anal, rather than the giving end of anal. And then I had the mental image of Lucy with a strap on–

    1. Bo

      this is also what i thought was being suggested lol.

    2. Yotomoe

      There is nothing in the bible that says anything about strap ons.

      1. milu

        It depends on the translation. Some scholars argue that strap-ons fall under false idols. There’s also a lively debate regarding the “serpent” in genesis.

        1. Yotomoe

          Only if you worship the strapon.

        2. Bo

          oh dang ill cross that off my list then

        3. Taffy

          Maybe they should stop engraving the Virgin Mary on their strap-ons. I know zealots can’t help carving everything into their waifu, and a little extra texture can go a long way with the right recipient, but they’re really just wasting a good dildo.

        4. Yotomoe

          The irony of someone penetrating someone’s orifices with the virgin mary isn’t lost on me.

        5. milu

          There’s a whole blasphemy kink involving a virgin mary dildo in Verhoeven’s recent french nunsploitation romp Benedetta. It’s silly and entertaining

        6. Rowen Morland

          Can’t be using the Temple of Doom strap-on with the sandbag sack.

    3. Seregiel

      Considering Dorothy and then Amber who we’ve both seen on top before cut aways… I think it was a valid conclusion.

  41. Nono

    Hmm, I can’t decide if I prefer Asher or Joe as the gravatar this cycle. Both have really grown on me lately.

    1. Allison Branford

      I miss having Becky as my gravitar, but am too lazy to manually change it. This too shall pass.

      1. Delmore Slim

        I think Amber is perfect for my advice to dan in this moment:

        Choose Violence

  42. OnyxIdol

    Oh Christianity, never change.

    … actually, do change. A Lot.

  43. bagge

    Lucy, don’t use people as props for your sex life. That’s just rude.

    1. Bo

      at least get consent first!

      1. bagge

        Fine, at least get consent first. Some people are into that.

        1. milu

          Danny: i’ll be a prop in my man Joe’s sex life, we’re cool. But you guys? i don’t think so.

    2. Archieve

      It’s also really confusing why she thinks being with a third person makes the date official. Your already there as a couple Lucy, you refusing to just enjoy time with your boyfriend has alot more impact on whether this should count as a date or not.

      1. Mark

        I wonder if, having first imagined the event as a double date, she’s just stuck in that image and hasn’t been able to adjust to it not being so.

  44. YordleJay

    God.

    I don’t like lucy

    1. Yotomoe

      God: Duly noted.

      1. milu

        God: she’s being super pious right now though so i dont think you’re gonna sway me.

    2. Bo

      God: “shes winning me over im actually invested in this plotline”

    3. BarerMender

      God: Yeah, fuck Lucy. I’m putting her in Purgatory and never letting her out.

    4. Justnobodyfqwl

      You’re close, but I think the show was called something else actually

  45. Kelli

    Heh heh heh. Loophole.

  46. HueSatLight

    I think Lucy’s forgotten the reason they’re actually there. To cheer for Carla.

    1. Vukodlak

      No she hasn’t it’s a third date so she have a tall glass of Walky because she’s a thirsty girl.

    2. milu

      It’s actually really aggravating to Carla that she has to break out the cardboard sign yet again and that shit is not aerodynamic, for fuck’s sake.

    3. Bo

      Carla: everytime im not on-screen people should be asking “Where’s Carla??

  47. foducool

    thirsty christian girls are scary lmao

  48. StClair

    “You see this face? This is the face of a woman on the edge.”

  49. BOOSTER SHOT

    We do

  50. Mikey

    … Sooo… over/under on Sal seeing this interaction? It’s either that or Danny using this fuel for Sal.

    … Or Sal DOES see and that adds more fuel to said fire for him.

  51. Needfuldoer

    I think she wants something…

  52. VinzKlortho

    This is some yin-yang shit, lol. “Want to smash but can’t because of Rules” vs. “Can smash but don’t feel like it yet”

  53. Archieve

    Lucy, 1. you and Walky going out as a couple already counts as a date, you don’t need witnesses 2. Walky I think you know this, stop encouraging this false narrative. 3. Both of you, stop trying to get people who dont even like you involved with your sex lives. Really feels like Walky is stalling for time before he has to tell Lucy yes or no.

  54. Amós Batista

    I, as a post-christian, I never, in my life, listened about this “third-date-rule”.
    If it is a true thing, I believe it’s much better than these “I choose to wait” thing (I don’t know if there’s a celibacy enforcement in USA christian youth, here in South America it’s very string).

    Anyway: I’m starting to love Lucy. Since today. hahaha

    1. HueSatLight

      The amount of celibacy enforcement in the US goes up and down. Ironically, and maybe predictably, it backfires. When celibacy is pushed more, teens are more likely to have sex earlier and less safe.

      The third date rule is a general guideline, for a certain type of relationship, I guess. Not the “college friends who hang out and decide to become a couple” type of relationship, though.

      I really wanted to say the phrase “platonic ideal”, because it can apply to her understanding of dating, and because of the pun, but that would take too many paragraphs to do it well.

      1. thejeff

        Up and down and very different in different sub-cultures.

        I’ve very definitely heard of a “no sex on the first date” rule, though as you suggest that’s more for dates where you’re getting to know the person rather than longer term friends turning into a couple.

  55. Ash

    I hope Danny cockblocks them.

  56. milu

    Danny: “what do you what the what”
    Lucy: “just say… the… words, Daniel”
    Danny, sobbing now: “what words i’m so confused please don’t hurt me”
    Lucy: “just say this counts as a double date, and this can all be over, Daniel”
    Danny: “if i say this is a double date.. You’ll let me go…?”
    Lucy: “didn’t i make myself clear?” *pushes Danny further over the guardrail. Skaters are whizzing by inches from his head.* “Say. It. Now.”
    Danny: “Walky! Buddy. Brother. Please!”
    Walky: “Sorry man. You brought this on yourself.”
    Lucy: “crying like a latin american drum won’t do you no good, Daniel. Remember where we are. Everyone is yelling. No one can hear you whimpering. Now, I’m gonna need you to make an honest christian woman out of me if it’s the last thing you ever do. I’m gonna count to three now…”
    Danny’s hat is slowly slipping off his scalp.
    Danny: “No… NO!… NOOOOOOOOO”

    1. cbwroses

      Not the hat!

    2. Bo

      i just realized the subtle pun of this comic is that theyre at a skate rink

      1. BarerMender

        Skate……. rink……… It must be too subtle for me.

      2. Taffy

        Is that a pun? I think that’s just the name of that structure.

        1. Bo

          i meant the fact about ‘rails’ and ‘railing’ but it might be a Nothing

  57. JBento

    And then Danny punched Lucy in the face.

    1. Seregiel

      Man, I would. Don’t TOUCH me.

  58. ValdVin

    My estimation of Lucy has just increased 100x.

    Get (jumping through those pretend, self-placed hoops and justify railing by) that D, girl!

  59. Yeet

    Giving someone who’s made it clear they don’t like the opportunity to cockblock you isn’t very smart, but I’m really hoping Danny seizes it fully.

  60. AGV

    Glad to know that Lucy is self aware ?

    1. Adept

      It kind of makes it worse. Just take the next step and free your mind, young lady.

  61. DarkoNeko

    That’s a “you” problem, Lucy.

  62. Roam85

    She is outright saying railed. Walky, it was a fun date, take her home.

  63. Aslan

    The chances of Lucy and Walky breaking up have skyrocketed, I fear (if for no other reason than narrative irony)

  64. AGV

    Also, here’s a fun fact that’s only tangentially related to this strip: when whales mate several males congregate around a female and compete with eachother to impregnate the female. The thing is that doing it with no arms or legs while floating is pretty difficult, so often the males take turns to act as a mattress so that they can have sex to begin with.

    Tl;dr: something something third wheeling

    1. Rogue 7

      Third whaling, surely.

      1. Bo

        third railing

        1. Opus the Poet

          No, that’s something else and very dangerous to even touch.

  65. goggleman64

    I love that Lucy going off the deep end is complemented by her leaning at an impossible angle, like her repressed horny is bending reality as it finally surfaces

    1. Bo

      Lucy- “my power:incredible. my horniness: boundless potential.”

  66. WizardPantaloon

    I can’t stand Lucy and Walky as a couple for another goddamn second.

    1. Bo

      but could you stand them for a *couple* seconds?

      *a series of rimshots as I pour out a bucket of drumsticks onto a drumset*

  67. Booster97

    That.. is a lot of spoilers for the upcoming slipshine, Walky. ?

  68. Coco

    Ok first, I gather that Lucy is a different kind of Christian Joyce was. Secondly, if she is so dead set on this being a date, they could have just avoided Danny. They’re on a date alright!

  69. vulcanodon

    There are sex-positive strains of Christianity, Lucy…

    1. Opus the Poet

      Right, UU’s even have a sex-ed curriculum for all ages from toddlers through geriatrics. The name of the course is Our Whole Lives (OWL).

  70. Sombrero

    I hope Panel 4 is more than just the punchline and Walky is really OK about sex with Lucy.

    1. HueSatLight

      [pulls out the cork board with a billion conspiracy theory threads]
      I bet Walky was antagonizing Danny to ensure he would cockblock them because he’s still not sure how to the situation he’s found himself in.

  71. Adept

    Too real >.<

    1. Adept

      And too bizarre for a liberal minded Nordic boy like myself

  72. Taffy

    The real trouble with all the self-placed hoops is, fifth-gem console platforming mascots (and Superman) keep flying through them for collectables. And then when you leave the zone and come back to reload them, another mascot just swoops in thinking it’s their turn.

    1. Schpoonman

      I’m lost on the platforming mascot, it’s not Sonic, is it?

  73. John

    Lucy is starting to grow a bit annoying.

  74. JepMZ

    I was JUST contemplating if I should watch the F my ass because I love Jesus music video yesterday lmao. Now I have to

  75. Rocketboy1313

    Careful Lucy, Danny might get super turned on with that level of aggression.

  76. Ravendude

    I can just HEAR her speaking in a menacing LOW pitched voice.

  77. Raen

    Things might’ve changed since the oughts, but as I recall back then for undergrads “dates” weren’t really a thing. “Dating” just meant “banging,” or at least snuggling.

    1. Raen

      …um, pretty sure I meant to post this yesterday.

      1. Raen

        (Actually I seem to have posted this yesterday? Why is it under today’s strip?)

  78. JA

    Is this the first time Danny’s been referred to by ‘Daniel’ in this comic?

  79. Raen

    Jesus, Lucy, so to speak. Fuck the boy.

  80. Jim the Fish

    Dumbing of Age book whichever: I do not grant this social interaction the rank of date

  81. Joy

    This really reminds me of a few of the many, many reasons why I don’t feel safe around most christians.

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