180

Toilet paper
Posted on February 11, 2013 by David M Willis

180 thoughts on “Toilet paper”

  1. Skull025

    Mummy shoes!

    1. that bard

      Mummies wear shoes, now?

      Wouldn’t they be more akin to socks?

      1. Skull025

        SHOES.

        1. tahrey

          Nu-uhhh.

          Mummy FEET.

        2. Skull025

          MUMMYS NEED SHOES TOO.

        3. AckAckAck

          The shoes was made by royal Egypt shoe maker Shoes-Tan Kamun.

        4. tahrey

          If the bandages are the mummy’s shoes, then how in that case are we to tell a naked mummy apart from a zombie? The bandages maketh mummy and become its ersatz skin, not clothing.

        5. fatemaster1

          Mummies are just zombies with special clothing.

        6. L.K. Crocuta

          No, they aren’t. Even given the assumption of an undead mummy rather than the real-life variety, there are several differences. The first difference is that while zombies are often “juicy”, mummies are always desiccated. Next, zombies tend to be contagious in some form, such as biting, or the fumes produced by burning them. Mummies, on the other hand are almost exclusively created by elaborate rituals that are typically magical in nature. Finally, while both varieties of undead can occur in both high-functioning and low-functioning varieties depending on the particular work, high-functioning mummies are much more likely to possess supernatural abilities than high-functioning zombies. All that said, I don’t see the bandages as defining the mummy, so bandages are still count as the mummy’s clothing. Also, I think the attire Joyce made is closer to socks than shoes.

  2. Derp-Face

    don’t think that’s gonna work

    1. qka

      Indeed! Just wait until they encounter the first drop of water.

      1. AckAckAck

        Joyce: “They are melting! they are mellllttiiiiiiingngng!”

  3. HK-A6A7

    Safety first!

    1. AckAckAck

      Sloppy second!

  4. ASmellyOgre

    I don’t think Joyce has quite thought out her toilet paper shower shoe idea.

    1. Skull025

      I am almost inclined to agree, if not for the fact that Joyce looks incredibly cute in those mummy shoes.

      1. that bard

        Mummy SOCKS.

        1. Skull025

          SHOES. TOO THICK FOR SOCKS.

        2. Mal

          I think it’s Mummy FEET. Taking off the bandages is like taking off the skin. What is revealed underneath is the unseen underworkings of the undead.

          Which is exactly what Joyce is afraid will happen to her if she doesn’t don protective foot wear before entering the shower.

          Kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy if she doesn’t actually clean her feet.

        3. tahrey

          THANK YOU, my beautiful doppelganger.

        4. tahrey

          Wait what we don’t look at all alike why did I say that

        5. Mal

          Once we remove our skin and/or mummy bandages, I’m sure we look EXACTLY alike. To the untrained eye.

        6. fatemaster1

          Nope, shoes, Mummies are just zombies with special clothing.

        7. L.K. Crocuta

          Mummies are known to occur without bandages, so feet is definitely out. While I originally said socks due to the consistency of material involved, I’ll admit they are rather thick for socks. With that in mind, I’d suggest slippers as a compromise.

      2. Fred

        Joyce looks incredibly cute mostly any way 😛

  5. Sir Robin

    Eeew, that’s just going to make things worse

    1. Yotomoe

      Her feet will be trapped in a prison of water and other things you find in a bathroom shower.

  6. Kelly

    Problem solved!

    1. AckAckAck

      Temporarily.

  7. Yotomoe

    I wish my door said poop on it. All I got is yellow tape that says “Do Not Cross”

    1. Shobo

      http://www.poopsign.com/

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        Almost as awesome as Wormsign.

        1. Valdrax

          …Not the two things I would want to think of in conjunction with each other.

        2. tahrey

          Wormpoopsign?

        3. desolation0

          The market for spice declined drastically when the emperor decided to rename it wormpoop.

        4. tahrey

          Yknow normally I’d expect Wormpoop and Wormsign to be the same thing, but I know things work a bit differently on Arakkis…

        5. tahrey

          I mean, I certainly know someone who has a (stolen) Dogpoopsign…

        6. madd

          I don’t think I’d want wormsign in my bathroom. Especially not if I’m on the pot.

  8. LittleWyvern18

    as the freelance plumber of the household who has touched soaked toilet paper, i can honestly say that that is a very ineffective idea.

    1. AckAckAck

      Agreed. Soaked toilet paper is disgusting and hard to clean since they crumble easily.

      1. LittleWyvern18

        SERIOUSLY IT FEELS LIKE IT’S GOING TO EAT YOUR HAND

  9. Nexev

    Get fucking bathroom sandels my god you are just making things worse for yourself in the long run.

    1. Yotomoe

      For real. The most you’d end up paying me be like…$14 but ideally you’ll be spending $5 or less.

      1. tahrey

        Why would we be paying you?

        1. Yotomoe

          For the good advice…duh.

    2. Undrave

      Or crock or flip flops or just an old pair of sneaker! Geez woman!

      1. AckAckAck

        Is the “Women showering naked except for sneakers” fetish exist?

        ……….

        I think I just created it……

        1. Undrave

          If you can imagine it, somebody’s got a fetish for it.

        2. tahrey

          It’s probably a subdomain of wetriffs dot com

        3. Narf

          If you’re ever feeling brave, and would like to peruse a smattering of the fetishes that you didn’t have to create, then go to http://www.clips4sale.com, and browse the “Category” drop-down box. It is HUNDREDS of items long and contains some of the most bizarre shit you can imagine. And that’s just the fetishes that involve things that aren’t illegal, or are at least sufficiently grey-area that that company doesn’t get shut down for acting as a vendor service for video clips depicting them.

          Ah, man. I really did need a good laugh today. Thanks for that. 🙂

        4. Narf

          Seriously. “I think I just created it.” That’s comedy gold. 😀

  10. Doctor_Who

    Are those signs for sale? I want one. No, make it an even dozen.

    1. Dani

      FYI, poop signs are for sale at the Topatoco store, designed by Chris Yates!

      http://www.topatoco.com/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=TO&Product_Code=YAT-POOPSIGN&Category_Code=YAT

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        But do they have any WEE signs?

        1. desolation0

          Also, one that implies Wii and wee mean the same things.

  11. Athedia

    Um, doesn’t she realize that will only make it worse? Silly Joyce, buy some shower shoes.

  12. Buckybone

    Just…go to the dollar store. Shower-usable flip-flops are 5 bucks.

    1. Buckybone

      On a random side note, 12% of the readership of this strip are, apparently, homophobic (and also boring). That’s about 12% more than I expected from readers of a Willis comic.

      1. Vi

        Only if you assume that the super obvious reasons are because of homophobic-ness, and not because it’s obviously a bad beginning to a relationship.

      2. Sarah

        It’s not homophobia? The relationship would be completely problematic since Ruth and Billie have a rocky and fucked up dynamic now and adding romance to the mix would not at all solve that. Getting involved with a bully who SLAMS YOU INTO WALLS after insulting you isn’t like…an awesome idea, when you’re already insecure and reeling from losing your social status. It would be problomatic no matter what their genders were.

        1. Archtus

          WHERE HAS MY FOX GRAVATAR GONE TO?

        2. Dr.Z

          I eatz it.

        3. Archtus

          Nuuu! Mah Fox!

        4. tahrey

          This, and what Vi said. I very nearly clicked it before flipflopping to a different option, and no part of my reason for leaning towards “wrong for super obvious reasons” included “Ewww, lesbians! Girls shouldn’t kiss girls! They’re gonna burn in hell!”. Most of it was “so, so doomed, probably to end in the police station and/or morgue”.

      3. Wack'd

        Yes, clearly the problem that 12% has with a potential Ruth/Billie relationship is the fact that it’s between two girls, and not the violence or the blackmail or the theft both parties have engaged in towards each other. You’re very perceptive.

      4. Count Dracula

        The “Amazingly wrong for super-obvious reasons” probably have their super-obvious reason as Ruth and Billie having an antagonistic relationship marked by violence, that would not translate well to romance. Not disapproval of them both being ladies. I can’t speak for all of them, but… oh hell, I’ll just speak for all of them.

        1. Count Dracula

          Why did I even bother to type that I should’ve known I would get beaten to the punch a million times over. Now there is barely anything left unpunched.

        2. Blob Marley

          Captain Falcon’s been through here hasn’t he?

      5. Wonder Wig

        They could just be people who are now super sad that Ruth is super sad.

      6. Valdrax

        Your sweet, hate-shipper tears are so delicious.

      7. madd

        I happen to be bisexual and chose “Amazingly wrong for super-obvious reasons” on account of them girls got issues. Issues that could dovetail nicely in to a very fucked up relationship. Thanks for assuming I’m homophobic, though, that’s always fun.

      8. AckAckAck

        Seriously? the main reason most people vote for it because the relationship based on both verbal and physical abuse is never alright. Even tsundere knows when to draw the line between anger and romantic.

    2. Kam

      Isnt the whole point of a dollar store that everything is a dollar?
      otherwise, i call shenanigans.

      1. tahrey

        Dina, stop talking to yourself, people think it’s weird.

        Though I agree with your counterpoint. Shops that sell a variety of things very cheaply but at various price points are discount stores, not dollarstores / poundshops.

        1. begbert2

          ‘Poundshops’ sound like a place you’d go if you’re craving some Billie/Ruth-style lovin’.

        2. tahrey

          Yknow, I never thought of it that way, but now you say it “out loud” it’s incredibly obvious.

          Poundshops. Huh-uh huh-uh.
          It’s kind of like the “jumphouse”. Ahem.

          Though in reality it’s just an anglification of dollar-store, same as the “99p shop”. Which, no, isn’t a place where bedroom watersports enthusiasts congregate.

        3. Squeeeble

          I like the 98p shops around here. Times is tight ya know.

      2. madd

        There are some places that have dollar in the name, either to hook you in or because they used to be actual dollar stores, but they aren’t true “everything for a dollar” stores.

      3. AckAckAck

        Dollar store used to be that. Then USA took economic recession in the knee.

        /I’m sorry
        //I’m really really sorry
        ///LOOK! A DISTRACTION!
        ////*Runsaway*

        1. tahrey

          AckAckAck tried to run away, but then they took ownership of an “arrow to the knee” joke.

  13. Regalli

    Yeaaaah, that’s gonna be unpleasant.

    What, did Joyce not get flip flops before moving in? Or are they not enough? Because if so, Joyce, there’s a Target close by. Use it. It’s still September or so, they probably still have water shoes and since it’s the end of the season, I’m betting you can get them cheap.

    1. AckAckAck

      I know swimmer shoes exist out there. But I don’t know how much it cost.

  14. pokee2

    I cringed. Wet toilet paper on skin… ugh

  15. James

    Somebody buy her some damn flip flops!!

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      But that would be way too simple. 😀

      1. James

        Idoit plots were only funny when Lucille Ball was doing it!!!

        1. madd

          She tried flip flops. Got hair on the top of her foot. Hence the whole foot wrap.

        2. James

          Two words spa shoes

        3. tahrey

          Thank God at least SOMEONE else has actually been paying attention.

  16. Wonder Wig

    What would that much toilet paper, mostly dissolved, look like trapped in the drain? This pale, white, slightly transparent blob.

    1. Skull025

      The campus staff are definitely going to post a sign. WARNING: WE CANNOT HANDLE THE AMOUNT OF SEMEN IN OUR DRAINS. ESPECIALLY IN THE GIRLS LAVATORY. SERIOUSLY, KEEP THE SEX IN THE DORM.
      And then Joyce is horrified for the rest of her life.

      1. tahrey

        ALSO, SEE A DOCTOR ALREADY, THAT’S JUST NOT NATURAL

      2. James

        ALSO ALSO, THIS MEAN YOU, JOE!

        1. Led

          Actually, they’ll just post a sign saying “DAMMIT JOE DO YOUR STUFF ELSEWHERE.”

        2. James

          I can be held responable when and where the ladies need to be Joe’d happens. ~Joe

        3. James

          Damn my humor is too fast for my typing….:(

          ( meant Cannot)

        4. tahrey

          Nope, I think you’re going to have to go for “third time lucky” here. Slow waaaaaay down and start again from the very beginning.

    2. Kam

      it would look similar to the ceilings of most boys bathrooms in elementary/primary schools

      1. tahrey

        Oh like none of the girls ever tried it? Really.

    3. AckAckAck

      I think I can imagine what happened next:

      First, the toilet paper will be soggy and start crumbling away from Joyce’s feet, then in disgust she remove them, clogging the drain in the process. As water start accumulating in the shower creating a small flood where dirts, hairs, other disgusting stuff start floating around Joyce feet. Horrified by this she panicked, try to get the hell out but slipped and fall into the mini flood and start panicking when the hairs and dirts start sticking to her body. She freaked out and ended up in therapy.

  17. Blue

    Joining in the chorus to say …has Joyce seriously never heard of shower shoes? o_o

  18. Kurai Seraphim

    Guess Who’s Coming to Galassos eh? I guess it’s time for this universe’s Ken to show up as Conquest’s timid and yet fortunate boyfriend.

    1. Yotomoe

      They totally make out when they’re not making pizzas.

  19. diremoi

    Joyce. Flip flops are 2 for $5 at Old Navy. I think you can afford a pair to wear in the shower.

    1. diremoi

      Whoa did the Gravatars get updated? The art is newer and shinier and I’m Mike instead of Sal now.

      1. Notebooked

        Yep! Willis did lots of character art for the next DoA book, and now they’re Gravs.

      2. AckAckAck

        I think the Gravatar is updated when Willis add a new cast member in the story?

    2. Yotomoe

      2 pairs for $5 or just 2 for $5? cuz the latter sounds kinda like a ripoff.

  20. Kernanator

    What a waste of toilet paper.

    …he said while wrapped up in toilet paper like a mummy.

    1. Yotomoe

      That’s an excellent use of toilet paper. They should just call it mummy paper. Who wraps themselves in it to look like a toilet?

  21. Dani

    So Pink Towel or someone else is going to pull Joyce aside soon and tell her about flip flops, right? This is just painful to watch.

    1. AckAckAck

      Flip flop only cost a buck in my country. But I think Joyce want to cover the upper part of her feet too. So maybe swimmer shoes or even sneakers can be used.

      1. AckAckAck

        Wow, this is supposed to be a reply for Skydron below.

  22. Skydron

    Wow… don’t sandals cost like $10 at Walmart, or whatever the in world equivalent is?

  23. Andy

    …so, am I the only person who didn’t even bother with footwear in the shower? Seriously, 3 years in dorms, and it just never really seemed necessary.

    1. Dean

      When you get a plantar wart on your foot, the doctor has to freeze it with liquid nitrogen and then cut it out with a scalpel. Just FYI.

      1. Skull025

        . . . That sounds DELICIOUS.

      2. Gargamel

        The number of times I’ve been through that treatment, oy.

    2. Valdrax

      Dorm showers are as great of a place to pick up athlete’s foot as locker rooms. Planar warts can be found there too.

    3. AckAckAck

      Me too. But I think we’re just lucky.

  24. Ragnal

    That does NOT look like a whole roll of TP.

    1. Yotomoe

      It may have already been half used up.

  25. Big Drahma

    Totally worked for Ramona in Ramona the Brave… but she used paper towels… not that I remember or anything.

  26. Delimon

    Dumbing of age is basically life lessons about shoes

    1. TheStranger

      That does appear to be its sole purpose, yes.

      1. Skull025

        I hope these lessons don’t get the boot.

        1. Blob Marley

          You’re really toeing the line with that pun.

        2. Notebooked

          Willis really socks it to ’em.

        3. Jackson

          For Webcomic Artist of the Year, he’s a shoe-in!

        4. madd

          Unless he starts flip-flopping. People hate a flip-flopper.

        5. begbert2

          Ouch, that one hurt. But I’ll heel.

        6. Jackson

          I guess we need to get some better puns. Time to step it up, people.

        7. Alex

          I’m getting a huge kick out of all these.

        8. Yotomoe

          You’re all Toe-tally rad.

        9. Kernanator

          Arch you tired of these puns yet?

  27. Mo

    Am I the only person who remembers when she WORE the flip-flops and still flip-flopped in the stall when the hair washed over the top of her foot? At risk of sounding like a Crocs advocate, at least those would cover her toes and insteps.

    1. Egg

      Galoshes, man. Galoshes.

      Also, apparently NatGeo photographers who get assigned to rainforest areas wrap their feet in duct tape or electrical tape as protection.

      …duct tape, then galoshes.

      1. AckAckAck

        How about Holland’s Klompen? (Holland’s(Dutchland for you who don’t know geography much) wooden shoes?)

        Like this: http://www.aartjes.nl/HISTORIE/klompen%20copy%20copy.jpg

        It’s strong, made from wood and have a distinctive sound.

  28. Jason

    So who IS coming to Galasso’s, hmm??? Well, I think it’s about time for the Joyce/Ethan “relationship” to implode.

  29. Uniqueantique

    Good Grief. Joyce go buy a pair of wading boots.

  30. Sam

    JOYCE
    NO

    1. AckAckAck

      Your face say “YES”

  31. Uniqueantique

    And yes I’m one of the 12% who voted ‘that way’ because I think that anyone who gets themselves slammed up against a wall and forcibly kissed -by someone who has bullied them relentlessly for several weeks-needs to run like Hell in the opposite direction and not look back. Like Billie did do.
    How anyone can think this is ‘hey Im enjoying it anyway”, or ‘totally awesome”….is beyond me. Maybe you better look at yourselves in the mirror one time really hard.

    1. Skull025

      Ouch dude, kinda judgemental eh?
      Anyways, it’s not just a one way street. Billie hasn’t exactly been the nicest. She attacked Ruth the first time they met, then subsequently punched her IN THE FACE and threatened to blackmail her.
      Look at it this way: Opportunity for mutual character GROWTH. Shit needs to happen before the cake can be sliced (or some other weird analogy about bad stuff happening before the good stuff).
      I voted “enjoying this anyway” because I see major, MAJOR plot points happening in the future. That is how I absorb it on an intellectual level.
      Of course, on a primal level, LEZBIANS. But I’m human, so refrain from judging me on that.
      This is Willis teasing us about things to come, and I think it’s good, because I can really get behind extreme emotional and character development that this situation with Ruth and Billie promises.
      Also, seriously dude, don’t judge other people. We’re on the internet, they vote for entirely different reasons on polls than the reasons you think they vote for. Yeah, for some it’s just “OOOh, HOT LEZ MAKE OUTS LKAJSDLFJDSLF” and for others it’s the look into the future of Wills’ crazy ass plot-fustercluck that’s coming in like an asteroid.
      Sincerely,
      Skull025

    2. Pinja

      The reason I voted wrong but okay is because how Billie feels about it, which is conflicted. You’re making the same mistake so many people do which is thinking that Billie only hates and fears Ruth when she doesn’t. She’s had positive experiences with her. She showed concern for Ruth when she came to her room. Just before the kiss she said she didn’t know if Ruth was an enemy or a friend.

      You can’t have absolute rules, different people feel differently in different situations. I don’t think Billie is going to stay away from Ruth forever. Telling her to fuck off was her immediate reaction. Time has yet to show what she’ll do after she’s had time to think it over. If it’s unwanted it’s abuse and that’s why I’d never do it but some people do want spontaneous affection.

      And I’ll add that while pressing kisses onto people by force is not okay, Ruth didn’t do it with malicious intent, as her beating herself up after indicates.

  32. Geegles

    So this is actually a genius idea that I should have thought of last year. Keeping my feet safe and cleaning the floor a little at the same time!

    1. why

      Why not wear flip-flops? They actually told us to use them in the shower when I was in the dorms to prevent getting athlete’s foot. Toilet paper is just going to turn into a soggy mess once it reaches any water. Paper towels would have been far more durable than toilet paper anyway.

      1. Jackson

        I love that you guys’ gravatars are Joyce and Mary for this exchange.

        Of course, this perfect confluence will be destroyed in the next gravatar shuffle, but nothing beautiful lasts forever. Oh, life.

        1. AckAckAck

          Your second paragraph reminds me of this song:

          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQsOXnZsOTg

  33. Plasma Mongoose

    Toilet Paper Shoes:Perfect for kicking the shit out of someone.

    1. Skull025

      YOU HAD A FUNNY. I LAUGHED.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        I try… ^_^

    2. Josh

      Wow… that was… wow. 😛

  34. Jesse

    Well played.

  35. Led

    Am I really the only one that is really interested in the name of the arc beginning with this comic being “Guess Who’s Coming to Galasso’s”???

    1. Pinja

      You are not. Wanna guess?

      1. Pinja

        Personally I hope for a pile-up that results in the entire cast all being there at once.

        1. Squeeeble

          Pamela!

          Please Willis? Can we have some more?

  36. Dr.Z

    “Selfish” and “big baby” are words that come to mind with this cominc. Plurble.

    1. begbert2

      The words that come to my mind on seeing this are “Didn’t think this through”.

      1. AckAckAck

        The words that come to my mind are “This not going to end well.”

        1. Dr.Z

          Then we are all in agreement!

          Comical hijinks must ensue!

  37. why

    Oh for the love of god Joyce, just wear some flip-flops! Seriously, no one, at either of the two universities I went to, went into the shower without flip-flops. Going without was a good way to get athlete’s foot.

    1. begbert2

      She’s reacting to the attack of the killer hairball, which transcended flip-flops and did a wrestling takedown on her.

      That said, her alternate choice is poor, to say the least. She should just wear old sneakers into the shower, and wash her feet separately. I hear Ruth has a spare pair.

      1. AckAckAck

        Or buy a cheap new pair of sneakers for showering purpose only.

  38. Jackson

    What, no character tag for Foreground Headtowel Girl? Poor Foreground Headtowel Girl.

  39. Pinja

    The problem is now whenever I see Sarah I will think “You have a shitty asshole”

    And that is disgusting.

  40. JA

    And she couldn’t just buy a $5 pair of sandals?

    She’ll be in for a shock as soon as the water hits them…

    1. David

      *reads through comments*

      nobody read this strip

      http://www.dumbingofage.com/2012/comic/book-3/01-if-the-shoes-split/safe/

      nobody

      1. James

        SPA SHOES, WILLIS!!!!!

      2. JA

        Forgot she actually had sandals.

        But anyway, when the TP dissolves in 2 seconds, she’ll be even worse off than with sandals. I mean…barefoot in a public shower…ewwwwww.

        1. thomas0comer

          Not to mention having your feet covered in that horrible mush wet paperlike materials form would be presumably just as bad as unknown pathogens.

      3. tahrey

        Hahaha I was only this far down the page because I was about to drop in a link to that 😀

      4. Dr.Z

        I read it.

        I live with lots of women.

        None of them would wine & bongo like Joyce over some little clump of hair in a communal shower. There are far worse things to find in there.

        Joyce is just a big baby. It’s not a big thing.

        1. Narf

          Yeah, your view of the world is definitely the correct one, and people who react differently to you are just wrong.

        2. Narf

          I am so pleased that my avatar was Mike for this comment that I think I might have just came a little bit.

  41. averystrangeplace

    Clearly, Joyce is secretly Macgyver in this universe.

    1. AckAckAck

      McGayver’s air headed daughter?

  42. Hinoron

    Joyce is about to discover that toilet paper comes apart in water (designed that way, so it will flush) and that it’s now HER leaving disgusting globs of unidentifiable crud in the shower stalls.

  43. Julez

    Damn it Joyce, they sell boat/water shoes at walmart for $5. Total coverage.

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