196

Patrol
Posted on May 10, 2025 by David M Willis

196 thoughts on “Patrol”

  1. Steamweed

    Amazi-Condoms!

    1. Clif

      Always prepared.

    2. Aquila

      Quick! To the Amazi-pole!

      1. Effie

        Is… is that for Amazi pole-dancing?

        1. Steamweed

          Okay, now I want to see that on a damnyouwillis69 patreon.

        2. Lysbeth

          No, it’s what the Amazi-Condom is for. You put it on the Amazi-pole (and everyone is allowed their own headcanon as to what that refers to).

    3. Decidedly Orthogonal

      To be fair, condoms really are amazing!

  2. StClair

    Good thing she’s immune to it.
    Wait, no, that’s criticism.

    1. Freezer

      She’s actually immune to sound personal decisions.

      1. Clif

        As opposed to which members of the cast?

        1. not someone else

          I’m gonna go with… Dina and maybe Sierra.

          Dina doesn’t always choose the sound ones but she’s not immune.

        2. Freezer

          There’s a difference between “occasionally fucks up massively” and “occasionally gets it right.” Amber is the latter, in case you were wondering.

    2. Opus the Poet

      AG casts detect sarcasm, sarcasm detected.

      1. Clif

        She’s quite the detective.

    3. Deanatay

      Her last line definitely should have been, “I may be immune to criticism, but I can detect sarcasm.”

    4. Mo

      came to comments looking for this one

  3. mindbleach

    C’mon Joe, do you know how expensive branded condoms are?

    … actually you might.

    1. Steamweed

      Last we saw his desk, he’s got a roll of condoms there. Dunno the brand, though..

      1. Proxiehunter

        Not Amazi-girl brand, we know that much.

      2. Dante

        Megasuperhiper AK-47

        (He’s a size six.)

        1. Proto

          Dr. Mantis Toboggan?

        2. Decidedly Orthogonal

          Anything but metric. ?

  4. Bootshivers

    Can’t wait for him to find out who Amazi-Girl is by Amber making her personalized condom wrappers

    1. Wizard

      Judging by yesterday’s strip, I think he already has a pretty good idea.

  5. shadowcell

    AMAZI-GIRL, FOUR HOURS LATER: wait a minute, she never specified *whose* penis

    1. Rose by Any other Name

      … are you implying that Joe is gonna shove Danny’s in there?

      I can’t think of any other penises he would have ready access to.

      1. Dante

        Joyce has expressed she’d love to wear a strap I mean

        1. Steamweed

          Joyce should nickname it “Peggy”.

        2. Clif

          Danny will be pleased that she has named his penis Peggy.

        3. Dante

          GODDAMN BUT I CACKLED

        4. Wizard

          Now having Ménage à 3 flashbacks. (For those not familiar, it was a webcomic featuring a character named Peggy. Let’s just say she really liked to live up to her name.)

        5. Rose by Any other Name

          Ah! That’s fair.

      2. Jay

        Joe or Joyce could buy one for Dorothy, assuming she doesn’t have one already.

      3. Rowen Morland

        Maybe Joe was the true ding dong bandit all along.

    2. M!a

      I love the gusto and abandon with which Joyce announces she’s gonna get nailed.

  6. ZombieKyrik

    Of course she sharpied her initial on there; she’s not Batman she doesn’t have the money for custom condoms.

    1. Nadamás

      It would be really funny if Batman did and they were way better that any other brand. You know that guy doesn’t half ass anything.

      1. ZombieKyrik

        Maybe WayneTech already makes high quality condoms; I wouldn’t put it past him. He wants to do the right thing… and get laid without risking a second kid.

        1. Nadamás

          Maybe he should stop adopting so many of them then!

        2. Nymph

          Wow you all heard it here first, Nadamas doesn’t want children to be adopted by single, wealthy, dangerously irresponsible men who don’t want bio kids.

      2. Furie

        Anyone else seeing a black-clad penis that screams “CUM FOR ME!” on every thrust?

        1. eh, whatever

          …no…?

        2. Azhrei Vep

          Well I wasn’t BEFORE. Gah.

        3. Nymph

          you can see it too? Thanks goodness.

        4. Nadamás

          I think you might need a doctor.

        5. Steamweed

          *makes up remark about “Batman entering Batcave”

      3. SillyGoose

        Handing out free condoms, custom branded or no, would probably be a much better use of his money to improve the life of his fellow citizens than his custom arsenal.

        1. thejeff

          It would seem that way, but only until the Joker broke out Arkham and poisoned the city’s water supply again and millions died laughing because Bruce lacked the wonderful toys.

          He doesn’t live in a reasonable universe.

  7. Li

    We love a callback!

    (For real, Joe and Amazi-Girl’s back-and-forth here is wonderful, I giggled.)

  8. Dave Van Domelen

    I mean, handing out condoms is probably the most time-effective harm-reduction Amazi-Girl can be doing on campus.

    1. Steamweed

      I recall fondly getting free books, condoms, and pizza often on campus.

      1. StClair

        From the same source?

        1. Steamweed

          Most times, no. But there was that one time….

        2. Clif

          What was her name?

        3. Steamweed

          Now, now; a gentleperson does not tell of such things.

          (especially a gentleperson with decades-fogged neurodiv memory)

        4. Clif

          Mmm.

        5. Bogeywoman

          Most student collectives Ive been in did all three.

    2. Needfuldoer

      Roz approves.

      https://www.dumbingofage.com/late/

  9. Rose by Any other Name

    Amazi-girl knows what happens when you use OTHER methods to print your logo on a condom.

    1. Rose by Any other Name

      .. shit. This was supposed to be a reply to Steamweed.

      Oh well! New thread it is then.

      1. Steamweed

        And thus I reply! (yeah she knows full well not to try laser printing, screen printing, or heat transferring. almost as bad as thumb tacking a condom to a corkboard)

        1. Dante

          She stamps them

        2. Steamweed

          With her Amazi-Girl Self-Inking Stamp?

        3. Dante

          She’s always prepared, of course it self-inks

        4. Wizard

          I don’t see why a thumbtack wouldn’t work, you just have to be very careful where you put it.

    2. Thag Simmons

      I mean she’s marking the packaging right? Not the actual rubber

  10. Nono

    Amber is going to write so many fanfics tonight.

    1. Proto

      Or delete some in a “who even cares about this now that it’s real?” way

  11. NGPZ

    damn is it just me or does AG look hot tonight? :0

    1. DailyBrad

      I mean, she’s always hot, but yeah, the long hair and new costume are fun.

    2. BarerMender

      So hot. But then, she’s looked hot from the beginning.

    3. Bittersweet

      Nah not just you, she looks really nice in this strip, super pretty.

    4. John Campbell

      The ‘A’ is for “Adorable”.

      1. Deanatay

        Adori-girl? Nah, sounds like she She-Ra’s alter ego.

    5. Clif

      It’s okay. Joyce is one of her biggest fans.

      Joe, not so much.

      1. Thing2

        Also one of her smaller fans…

    6. Wereg

      It’s honestly rare for her to NOT look hot

    7. SaraHysaro

      This strip really accentuates Amber’s claim that Amazi-Girl has better hair than her. It looks fantastic here! The new outfit also looks pretty stylish as far as super hero getup goes, too.

    8. Amós Batista

      She got +5 Defense

  12. IntangibleMatter

    Amazi-Girl needs to start selling those as actual merch, I’d buy.

    Or maybe it’s more special to only have them signed by hand

    1. Steamweed

      I wonder how long before the campus has a grey market in A-G memorabilia?

      1. Proxiehunter

        Three weeks ago.

        1. Clif

          Asher runs the weekly auction.

    2. Clif

      Now if Willis started selling them as actual merch …

      1. Steamweed

        *sighs
        *gets out wallet

  13. Joe Moose

    Joe’s sarcasm gives me joy.

    Also, Amazi-Girl needs to go be like Spaceballs. Merchandising is the ticket!

    1. Steamweed

      I think you mean “moychandising”.

  14. Dorjojoe

    Bow Chicka Bow Woooooow

  15. Kyulen

    I assume Joe always has some condoms with him, just in case. Or at least, he did before he started dating Joyce.

    1. DailyBrad

      Oh, he almost certainly has a good supply of them still.

      1. Mr D

        bought them in bulk

        1. Shade

          Given the good ones can last five years they should still be fine to use too since it hasn’t been that long… in universe I mean.

  16. darkoneko

    Amazi-girl is always prepared… for everything

  17. BBCC

    Does she judge YOUR merch, Joe?

    1. Effie

      Yeah! She should judge his penis

      1. ValdVin

        His penis isn’t branded…or is it?

        1. Clif

          Not yet.

  18. GholaHalleck

    I can’t wait for Joyce to tell Dottie that she and Joe got an A in sex from Amazigirl.

    1. thejeff

      Right after telling her that she and Amazi-girl both spit.

  19. audkitten

    So is Joe step-siblings with AmaziGirl too or only Amber?

    1. Steamweed

      He is indeed steppy-sibs with A-G. He just doesn’t know it yet.

      1. Clif

        I mean Amazigirl and Amber have the same mother, so yeah.

        1. StClair

          and, in a very real way, the same father.

        2. Clif

          Well, yes, but the father doesn’t make them step sibblings with Joe

          Unless there are things Mike isn’t telling us.

  20. Dante

    The return of the Amazicondoms omggg

    Look, considering Amber did a great job wingmanning for Joe, AG doing this feels so beautifully full circle it’s both hilarious and heartwarming. Heartlarious, even

  21. Charles Phipps

    I want Amazi-Girl to doubt Joe’s existence.

    1. Steamweed

      *Joe disappears in a puff of logic

  22. Bittersweet

    I feel like we never get enough Amazi-Girl, she’s always a treat. She and Amber are def in my top five favorite characters. They’re always such a joy to read, I feel like they bounce off everyone really well and they stress me out in only normal ways.

    Anyways, Amazi-Girl, you need to get back to the dorm and cheer up Dorothy. She’s lonely, sad, wants to make some bad decisions, and she thinks you’re hot. [I don’t know where or how Walky fits into this, I just like think Dorothy/Amazi-Girl have a nice hypothetical relationship aesthetic and I need them to interact more for me to confirm.]

    1. Dante

      She saved the day back then, and on god, she’ll save it again.

      #Cinema

  23. EpochFlame

    amazigirl and joe have fantastic interactions

  24. Steamweed

    And thus A-G’s awkward hint at a threesome went completely unnoticed by both Joe and Joyce.

  25. Clif

    I kind of feel like advanced levels of Parkour should be classed as a super power.

    1. Clif

      * real super power.

    2. John Campbell

      I mean, if Clint can qualify for the Avengers on “can shoot a bow”…

      1. thejeff

        Natasha can’t even shoot a bow.

        But “badass normal” has always been a superhero trope.

  26. HueSatLight

    Book 15’s cover should feature AG distributing condoms

    1. Clif

      I’m torn between panels 2 and 7 for the book title.

  27. Straximus

    I love this version of the costume.

    1. Clif

      Should we credit Dorothy or credit Willis?

      1. Steamweed

        Yes

      2. HueSatLight

        AG/Willis. Dorothy made some changes, but AG had already done most of it. That strip was the morning the day Paul “Incelerator” showed up at lunch. Dorothy did not design and sew an entirely new third amazi-girl suit in two hours.

        The joke from the early books, that Dorothy does so much in her time, it shouldn’t be possible. It was first deconstructed with Dorothy’s grades suffering, she doesn’t fit more accomplishments into her day. She tries to achieve too much, and achieves less. And that’s led to her burnout.

  28. Random832

    It’s policy not to imply ownership in the event of a penis.

    1. Clif

      And yet I’m pretty sure that each of them belongs to someone. Sometimes to more than one someone.

      1. Clif

        If you come across one that’s free range, you should probably alert the news media.

        1. StClair

          before or after Animal Control?

  29. Nadamás

    Nice way to put down the “Is AG here to impede then” and “Are they gonna fuck outside” questions to rest in one strip.

  30. All-Purpose Guru

    That was one hell of a Chekov’s gun, Willis.

    1. Steamweed

      Chekov’s Gazebo
      Chekov’s Amazi-Condoms

  31. V98

    Jesus, Joyce. No effing pressure, right?

    1. Mari

      Yes, effing pressure! Friction friction friction!

  32. Bash

    I thought she didn’t go out on patrol anymore. Wasn’t roller derby supposed to be her “outlet”?

    1. Nadamás

      She decided to come back after the Incelerator incident.

      1. Segnosaur

        I wonder if Dorothy knows amazi-girl is back? Since the 2 of them had their superman/Lois type connection, I can imagine Dorothy being a little disappointed if she finds out amazi-girl is on patrol again and she wasn’t informed.

        1. Nadamás

          She was there during that incident and was the one who redesign her costume so I am pretty sure she knows.

        2. John Campbell

          It takes all the fun of the hunt out of it if A-G just tells her.

    2. HueSatLight

      She wasn’t for a while. She was jonesing, and Dorothy encouraged her to fall off the wagon.

  33. Zamperla

    My condolences to everyone who was really really really convinced, for some reason, these two were going to fuck in the gazebo. In the snow. When Joyce is already still unable to say the word ‘vagina’. Not that someone who calls it a coochie can’t be an exhibitionist, but.

    People just do romantic smooch scenes in Gazebos in movies and tv a lot. Joe was just trying to Do A Nice Date correctly and working with the media industrys love of a not unusual for small towns but eye catching small structure with a roof you can get out of the rain in.

    1. Yumi

      Not sure how many people were sincerely claiming that vs how many jokes you missed. And I suppose some people who thought it was really headed that way may have also been misled by the people joking about it.

      1. Yumi

        (Joyce was also the one who brought up the gazebo, inspired by what you said; Joe was trying to deliver on what Joyce wanted.)

    2. HueSatLight

      If you don’t say the word “vagina” in the sex gazebo, the sex gazebo causes a cold front to move in.

  34. Cloud

    I’m starting to think Mike is Amazi-Girl, all the puzzle pieces are fitting together.

    1. Steamweed

      *hands you the pushpins and red yarn

      1. Clif

        There’s a fine line between empowering and enabling.

        Not a complaint.

  35. DashWallkick

    Callback! By 2035 we’re going to see AG hand condoms to, I dunno, Jason and Amber or something.

    1. Zero

      That seems unlikely.

  36. CianM1301

    It’d be funny if when the time comes for them to do the do, Joyce insists that Joe use the Amazi-Condom.

  37. Ophidiophile

    It’s important to experiment with branding. You never know what will become a hit. Of course, you’ll probably get a lot of misses before that happens, but you can never tell what will hit.

  38. zaratustra

    Joyce is the Becky of being straight.

    1. Proxiehunter

      In that like Becky she’s not straight at all? We’ve got some pretty damn strong evidence of bisexuality at this point.

  39. Arianod

    If you write your initial with marker on a condom envelope, you should expect sarcasm X’D

  40. Arillius

    Damn Neurotypical rubbing in their innate ability to detect things like sarcasm. Stupid super power lotto. All I got was the ability to focus intently on anything but what I need to do.

    1. Doopyboop

      I gotta admit, Amazi-girl might be the least neurotypical person on the cast by dint of being an alter.

      1. Steamweed

        Agreed. Amber is def neurodiv, and A-G is a step beyond that.

  41. Segnosaur

    Just one condom?

    Joe and Joyce are both college age, healthy and extremely horny. I figure they would need at least 2 or 3.

  42. George the Archon

    Called it! ?

  43. Hoboturtle

    The Amazi girl panels reminds me of a rpg dialogue screen.

  44. Crow

    Girl just enroll in the police academy

    1. Nadamás

      That would make her 100 % less likeable.

      1. Proxiehunter

        And she would do a lot less good in the world.

        1. thejeff

          For all their problems, police are better than vigilantes.

        2. HueSatLight

          police are a gang the courts don’t touch.

        3. Nadamás

          Hahahaha! Good one

        4. Proxiehunter

          Remind me, if the republicans get their way and ban homosexuality again who’s going to be enforcing those laws?

        5. Nadamás

          Everyone always believe the supposed “good ones” will stand against it from the inside and stop it, when really they just be kicked out for falling out of line and disobeying orders.

        6. NGPZ

          (-_-)

          https://georgewiman.com/2020/05/31/white-supremacists-in-law-enforcement/

          https://www.reuters.com/legal/government/police-are-not-primarily-crime-fighters-according-data-2022-11-02/

        7. Bruno

          I mean, the superhero genre has been pretty well deconstructed in terms of that, and I agree, but sometimes we just have to superimpose what we know about Amazi-Girl as a character over that because that’s what the story is about.

        8. thejeff

          Yeah, superheroes actual work because they’re genre fiction and I’ve got no problems with them in that context, but the idea that powerful individuals should be trusted to fight crime and protect the country/world on their own authority without supervision is far more unrealistic than all the superpowers.

        9. Nadamás

          Well the police and military already do that so.

        10. Yak

          People often forget that in the US, vigilantism is highly associated with lynch mobs.

        11. NGPZ

          to which cops turn a blind eye

          for cops to go out of their way to enforce laws such that people of color are disproportionately arrested for breaking them (including vigilantism) and condoning lynch mobs is perfectly consistent moral behavior — in either case the goal is to maintain established white power

          the problem isn’t that they’re breaking laws, but that what it is they’re trying to accomplish is morally wrong

        12. thejeff

          Which obviously means that we should just cut the police out of the loop entirely and rely entirely on vigilantes. Even more so solo actors like the AG version, rather than things like neighborhood watch groups which at least have community supervision.

          I get all the problems with the police, but individuals taking the law into their own hands isn’t a solution to any of those problems.

        13. Nadamás

          Good thing absolutely nobody say that you weirdo.

        14. thejeff

          Maybe I’m misreading people here, but there seems to be a lot of “vigilantes good, police bad”.

          When my original point was just “police bad, vigilantes worse”.

        15. Yumi

          Or other people are going “vigilantes bad, police worse.”

          Vigilantism is not an ideal approach, but there’s the idea that *a* vigilante can be good; good cops either don’t stay good or don’t stay cops.

        16. NGPZ

          Unfortunately very true in the United States, leave it to the Florida of the world to continue being the Florida of the world (-_-)

        17. yak

          I agree, but the issue I take with vigilantism is that there are no rules of procedure, or conduct, except the ones that the vigilantes make for themselves. Even if their intentions are morally pure, people easily get fixated on the first plausible explanation for an event they see or hear, everyone has all kinds of biases, and a lot of times people are just looking for someone to punish for a crime. Obviously even a hypothetical good cop will do all of this too, but then they bring their suspect to a trial where they will get an advocate that is versed in rhetoric to defend them or at least make sure the rules of evidence etc. are being followed. Vigilantes don’t have to do this, and usually the only form of justice they would ever dole out is immediate — if they are convinced you did it, they dole out whatever punishment they see fit. Could not be further from justice.

          And if their intentions *aren’t* morally pure, you have no recourse the same way you do for cops. You can’t name and shame them if they’re anonymous. You can’t plead your case in court. You can’t protest them or abolish and reform them. These are all things that people do, sometimes successfully, to get justice out of the criminal “justice” system, and none of them are available for vigilantes.

        18. yak

          I guess what I’m saying is: vigilantes are both not better in practice and not better in theory. Saying “but what about good vigilantes” is basically as valid as saying “but what about good cops” IMO.

        19. Proxiehunter

          So are the police.

        20. Yak

          I’m willing to bet that if reliable statistics existed for this, we would find that while police are/were involved in lynch mobs, the percent of police arrests that result in summary execution was much lower than the number of vigilante raids that result in the same. The way that police would usually be involved with lynch mobs is to do nothing about them.

          Cops prefer to drag someone into the courtroom, lie on the stand, and get a conviction. That’s far from justice, but it’s still vastly preferable IMO.

        21. Nadamás

          You are making a lot of overly optimistic assumptions.

        22. thejeff

          It’s funny how most of the responses to this are basically “no the police are bad, really”, rather than any explanation of how vigilantism is better.

        23. NGPZ

          It’s not that it’s better, but that contextually is the best option to take when police are corrupt and bigoted and you aren’t exactly in a situation where you have the luxury of being able to wait for that problem to be solved ?

          You can’t really evoke some general notion of “one is better than the other” concerning how AG is of important service to vulnerablr people, action really has no intrinsic moral value completely seperate from outcome in context.

        24. Nadamás

          Okay if you want that I give you one: Superheros and vigilante are not systemic. They don’t have a whole department behind them that instill in them how they treat specific people, often with a heavy race bias, they don’t have a whole unwritten law about not betraying colleges that do awful things, and don’t have those awful things sweep under the rug for them so the department doesn’t look bad. They can and will make mistakes, but will more often that not due to human failability, not because there is entire organism in place to that taught them that they won’t face consequences. I am not a very smart person, I know that, but I did my best to put into words what I understand so I wish you read and actually xonsider it.

        25. AnonGrouch

          Vigilantism is a double edge sword, the police are a loaded gun.

          Police never suffer consequences, vigilantes often do and are almost always 100% responsible for their action in the court of law where as police historically in America do not. There is entire case law behind 1. police can kill people without repercussion in most cases 2. police are at NO OBLIGATION TO SAVE ANYONE and 3. police often are the sole arbiters of the rules around what actions are okay and not okay first and have to be reigned in after the fact.

          Vigilantism isn’t good because there is no ‘will of the people’ behind it and all those ‘systems’ we force on the police to try and be not a gang and not a vigilante do not apply to a vigilante so they will hurt people without regard for societies rules even if society appreciates the outcomes. They can end up acting like gang members just as much as America’s modern police, but in general what people really want is law enforcement that is both swift AND accountable. Vigilanties deliver both of those things with many downsides, police in modern day political climate in America deliver neither despite our best efforts to make the ‘responsibility’ part stick because psycopaths keep making exceptions as a result of court rulings. (there is more nuance to why they are given broad protections but it’s still the root systemic cause of a lot of modern day policing problems.

        26. AnonGrouch

          10 years ago in specific areas with heavy amounts of progressive civil rights policies and improvements made as a response to brutal police shootings on people of color one could maybe argue your right in context. 2025 police are literal gestapo (ice) or gestapo supporters and no longer seem to be accountable to anybody but themselves as a result of EXTENSIVE erosion by right wing judges to make police totally unaccountable to basically anyone in many states. The reason you’ve been getting so much push back isn’t because you are wrong, it is because you were ‘right’ a long time ago and are no longer right.

    2. Deanatay

      I’ve seen, like, 5 of those movies, and they taught me that police academies are no place for sober, responsible law-enforcement officers.

    3. Taffy

      But if she becomes a cop, she gains the legal ability to murder people without consequence. That’s not fun.

  45. darkoneko

    I’m pretty sure Joe has his own, Amazi-girl.

    1. Shade

      Which he sharpied a J on.

  46. Rabisch

    Joe has not idea Amazi-girl is Amber, yet he’s doing typical brother’s jokes with her.

  47. Yeet

    okay so she WAS just out doing her thing. (or so she claims.)
    least weird possibility honestly

  48. Nadamás

    Does anyone here watches last week tonight with John Oliver?

  49. Dara

    I love the pose <3

  50. Astariel

    Love how Joe is just not buying into the Amazi-Girl thing at all. He’s also probably offended that anyone would assume he doesn’t have a sufficient condom supply of his own.

  51. Suet

    no escort this time?

    she’s out on… snow patrol

  52. Roam85

    Joe, you thank your stepsister for the autographed condom like a polite gentleman.

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