121

Joyce stories
Posted on August 5, 2014 by David M Willis

121 thoughts on “Joyce stories”

  1. Liahansen

    Sarah really needs more friends that she can rant about

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      If only she was also friends with Billie, oh the stories she could tell…

      1. Doctor_Who

        She needs to hang out with Mary. She’ll be able to dish about her fundie habits, but not feel like she’s being unnecessarily mean, because Mary deserves it.

        If she manages not to kill her, that is. Though Mary might be quite pleased to meet the Old Testament God, so maybe they’d get along.

        1. Mal

          I, for one, think you’re being unnecessarily mean to Mary.

        2. TDangerously

          You would.

    2. Jen Aside

      “So, you know anyone named Raidah?”

  2. MrSirk

    Jacob is the man right now!

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      I just hope he isn’t just a man in a can.

  3. Plasma Mongoose

    Sarah needs a new topic.

    1. newllend

      Ok , hey Sarah is it true that your surrounded by stupid people that hate because you were the only person brave enough to reach out and help someone?

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        I would have prefered something less negative but you work with the cards you are dealt.

  4. Mr. Random

    mfrmgmfmfffl mfmfskfmfafffpfl
    For people who can’t read the text.

    1. -Sentinel-

      You actually went the extra mile of typing it to the exact letter… I can admire that.

      1. Jen Aside

        p sure there’s View Source tho

      2. Cholma

        Or he could have just right-clicked the image, chose “View Image Info” and copy+pasted the “Associated text” field: mfrmgmfmfffl mfmfskfmfafffpfl

        😀 (but if he *did* type it all, then damn! mad props)

        1. Mr. Random

          Actually I just had a mouse over the alt-text, then typed. I did well in typing classes.
          I can type and talk without writing what I say.

        2. Daibhid C

          Anyone can yes a cup of tea thanks do that!

        3. Rachel Roth

          But the true question is, can you type and listen without getting your words jumbled?

        4. Mr. Random

          No comment.

        5. Rachel Roth

          How did you change your gravitar without setting a global one?

        6. gwalla

          It’s actually based on the email field, as I found out when I mistyped my email once.

  5. Doctor_Who

    She’s feeling mumbly.

    1. JessWitt

      One step up from dastardly.

      1. Originalslugboy

        Points!

    2. Opus the Poet

      I know Muttley, but who is Mumbly?

      1. Kryss LaBryn

        You may know him as Mr. Pegs.

  6. David Herbert

    To be fair, inaudible grumbling is an emotion.

    1. Doctor_Who

      Specifically it’s the emotion I feel until about 10 am every workday.

  7. nothri

    Go Sarah! You can do it!

  8. Allison

    Are we sure Jacob isn’t gay? He seems too perfect to be real. When do we discover his dirty secrets?

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Not all perfect men are gay, some of them are just plain fabulous.

    2. The_Master

      Not all thoughtful guys are gay.

      1. Scott

        I happen to be both straight and delightful.

        1. Sambo

          You said it, Jacob

      2. nothri

        NOT ALL MEN!

    3. Jen Aside

      He’s the love-child of RuPaul and George Takei

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        OH MY, what a drag! 😛

        1. Opus the Poet

          And FAB-u-LOUUUUsss…

    4. Freezer

      If he retains any of his Shortpacked flaws, he’s FAR from perfect!

      1. begbert2

        Technically he may be young enough here that his Shortpacked! incarnation, at this age, might not have had those flaws either – or at least, he might not have discovered them yet.

    5. Nono

      Ethan’s gay, he’s certainly not perfect.

      He’s also not real, mind.

  9. Rocketboy1313

    Is it weird that in my head Jacob has Aqualad’s voice from “Young Justice”?
    Khary Payton, he also did Cyborg on “Teen Titans”.

    1. Boomwolf97

      well now I’m thinkin it too, so it can’t be that weird.

    2. Dimonite

      I hear John Stewart from Justice League Unlimited, so I’m going to go with “no, that’s not weird at all.”

    3. Opus the Poet

      Not weird but I was hearing his Cyborg voice…

  10. Emperor Kiva

    Sarah just out and say it. “I SAVED HER ASS AND SHE CALLED ME BIG SIS WHILE SHE WAS PASSED OUT!”

    1. Betty Anne

      He’ll want to know what Sarah saved her from, and “Oh, she was roofied by some guy who intended to rape her,” is not something you can just go around telling people. That’s something only Joyce can share with people, when and if she feels comfortable doing it.

      1. timemonkey

        Plus then it makes all the little silly stories much less funny.

      2. Emperor Kiva

        Good point, my bad.

  11. Kernanator

    Oh shit Jacob, run, she’s about to cast a spell on you. The kind that doesn’t allow saving throws.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      *mumbles* Darkness from twilight, crimson from blood that flows, buried in the flow of time…

      1. begbert2

        …in thy great name, I pledge myself to darkness. Let all the fools who stand in our way be destroyed by the power you and I possess…

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          DRAGON SLAAAAAAAVE!

        2. nothri

          I’ll see your Dragon Slave, and raise you one Giga Slave.

        3. t00lishness

          This in particular wins all the internets.

    2. drs

      “Approach from beyond, mistletoe branches…”

    3. Phlebas

      I rather get the impression she already has.

    4. Deanatay

      She’s just casting Dispel – she’s gotta get rid of the Charm spell Jacob’s cast on her…

  12. Wonder Wig

    She opens up less than a clam who’s also a secret agent.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Secret agent clam, secret agent clam, they’ve given you a number and taken away your name…

      1. Paul

        For some reason I always hear that song as “sacred asian clam”.

      2. Kryss LaBryn

        Ninety-nine, I love you…

    2. Boomwolf97

      and enter the family guy styled cutaway.

  13. newllend

    A lot of people can be blamed for what happened that day but in the end it was nobody’s fault really, the worlds a fucked up place and sometimes shit will happen beyond your control, the best thing to do is just endure it.

    1. Safgaftsa

      Um, no, it was definitely Ryan’s fault. He made the conscious decision to do what he did, and no background or upbringing can justify that. The bubble of thoughts that we are shown indicates quite clearly that he knew what he was doing.

      1. newllend

        Oh no he doesn’t apply to this, he deserves way more than what ever punishment that’s coming to him.

        1. Safgaftsa

          Thanks for the clarification. I think Ryan still applies to this discussion, but I understand your intentions. Please just be careful what you imply.

      2. Carriethedragon

        I don’t think that newllend meant what he said to apply to Ryan, just everyone else (like Amazi-girl, Sal, and anyone else who may have made questionable decisions). Of course, if he WAS including Ryan, damn, dude, that’s so wrong.

    2. Aolbain

      I blame rapist-guy.

  14. AgentKeen

    Sarah: “Have you heard of our dark lord, Cthullu? Here, take some Mrmlgh Tracts.”

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Are you by any chance refering to this?
      http://jackchick.wordpress.com/2009/07/08/chick-parody-who-will-be-eaten-first/

      1. Opus the Poet

        And that was time I will never get back, thank you. I clicked “home” at the top of that link…

      2. AgentKeen

        ARE NO IDEAS NOVEL!?!?!

        No, I didn’t know about that, but it’s pretty much what I was imagining.

        1. Deanatay

          Not on the Internets. You quickly learn not to worry about it.

  15. dailybrad

    Jacob might be a good thing for Sarah, outside of him being a handsome fellow.

    1. Aolbain

      Of course you would say that…

      1. saltchocolate

        I’d say that, too! 😀

        1. Rachel Roth

          Good, now that all parties involved have agreed, let’s watch dailybrad get you to open up.

    2. Kryss LaBryn

      I’m sure she would agree that it would be a good thing, Sarah outside of him. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink.

      1. Koms

        Oh my God!! Gravatar win!!! 🙂

  16. JessWitt

    Sarah’s guilt face gets me. All the faces get me actually.

    1. JessWitt

      Heartstring-tugging-wise, that is.

  17. newllend

    I think any story would upset her.

  18. Kennerly

    She’s speaking murloc!

    Mmmrrrggglll!!!

    1. Mass Confusion

      Rglrglrglrglrglrglrglrglrglrglrglrglrglrgl!

    2. Rhastia

      It’s a murloc with a mouthful of biscuits.

  19. Chaucer59

    Point – Jacob.

  20. andmangrewproud

    I don’t know why it’s hitting me now, but I’m suddenly hearing Phil LaMarr (doing Wilt’s voice from Fosters) as Jacob.

    1. AgentKeen

      I always imagined something huskier, but damn that would be a good choice.

    2. StClair

      Well, we’ve got him doing John Stewart above, so…

      1. andmangrewproud

        Yeah I saw that AFTER I posted this. So basically we all agree Phil LaMarr does his voice, just not which voice he uses lol

  21. Nono

    Mildly angry Jacob’s face is… fascinating.

  22. Locke

    I feel pretty Incoherent Squiggles myself, Sarah! You’re not alone, there!

  23. saltchocolate

    I’m glad Sarah showed that she knows it’s not cool to poke fun at Joyce all the time. Partly because the doubters (in Sarah’s deep-down good-heartedness) can stop already, and partly because now the relationship with Jacob can grow! Yes, Sarah, he really likes you!

    1. whatho

      Yes! Yes! Everything you just said!

    2. Fit-to-freak

      Yeah, honestly I’m psyched. This everything I wanted.

    3. butting

      I have no comment, I just needed a full house.

    4. Deanatay

      Not quite, you’ve got three of a kind. You need two more of someone else to make a full house. Another Roz oughta do it…

      1. Kelli

        You rang?

      2. Roborat

        Combo-breaker??

  24. Hyperstar96

    Why do a lot of people – both in the comments and especially in the Dumbiverse – hate Joyce so much anyway?

    1. drs

      “If you’re happy and you know it, drop dead and die!”

    2. Sam

      ‘Hate’ Joyce? I’ve seen a FEW people DISLIKE Joyce but not many outright hate her. In the Dumbiverse, it is only really Joe (as Walky is debatable) that outright doesn’t like her much (still talks to her though) and Amber that hates her (for telling Ethan his sexuality is a mistake when she spent the entire Summer saying otherwise to likely him AND others).

      There are plenty of reasons to dislike her – this entire thing of ‘I can fix Ethan’, the pushiness she has with her religion sometimes, the fact she is able to make DINA mad, the fact she saw nothing wrong with letting Mike punch Joe in the face repeatedly for having even the SLIGHTEST lustful thought even though he clearly saw a problem with it and prevented Mike from doing it to her.

      She is getting better with time, as she sees that some of her views aren’t perfect, but she still has a long way to go.

      I personally like her, but I can see why others wouldn’t like her right now – she still has lots of personal growing to do.

      1. Hyperstar96

        – Ethan is the one who said he doesn’t want to be gay. Joyce is simply helping him achieve his goal. Besides, Ethan’s happy and Joyce isn’t forcing anything onto him.
        – How is it bad that one person is pushy about their religion when everyone else is pushy against it?
        – Dina should learn that not everyone is obsessed with dinosaurs.
        – Have you seen how much of a pervert Joe is? That particular date may not have been as bad in comparison, but he had it coming. As for preventing Mike from hitting Joyce, any guy with a heart would prevent another guy from beating a girl he barely knew.

        1. Rachel Roth

          Take this from a more functional, real world version of Dina; PEOPLE ARE COMPLICATED. Very few things seem to be able to make Dina angry, the complete disregard of scientifically supported data and Faz. (Faz, is of course, the top of the list and wrapped in Amber’s Grappling Hook, which Amber probably considers an acceptable way to loose a grappling hook.
          Dina KNOWS not everyone else is into dinosaurs, but that’s her niche and that’s perfectly acceptable for someone like her. There are plenty of opportunities for someone with her interest and deep knowledge, and it’s not like she’s unintelligent with the rest of her life, or that she doesn’t know anything that isn’t related to dinosaurs, just that the information she finds interesting usually has to do with extinct species (with feathers).

        2. begbert2

          – Joyce’s motivations regarding Ethan are far from noble, and even if we accept that she had no hand in pushing him toward the current awful situation, she’s still an enabler and is justly criticized for her role in it.
          – Joyce religion has flirted with being hate speech, and is extremely hostile to almost any other lifestyle or belief system. It’s true that Joyce herself would like to go down a less evil path, but her religion is still a cancer that she has to actively fight against to relate to most of her friends and her own sexuality.
          – Dina’s problem with Joyce wasn’t that Joyce wasn’t into dinosaurs. It’s that Joyce was spouting antifactual garbage, of the sort that has stood in the way of knowledge and scientific progress since, well, ever. We’ve seen no indication that Dina has any problem with Joyce when Joyce isn’t trying to rewind science.
          – Joe may be a pervert, and his intentions toward Joyce weren’t particularly noble either. But Joyce sicced Mike on him when he hadn’t done anything. It could have been Jacob instead of Joe and she would still have viciously attacked, because she’d basically gone psycho on him without reason. In all honesty both she and Mike should have gone to court for that.

          This is not to say that Joyce is evil or irredeemable, but she’s definitely not without flaws either. It’s understandable why people would lose sympathy for her at times.

      2. Emperor Kiva

        While I didn’t read that through I’m saying this now. I DON’T HATE JOYCE, I like her. If you hate her well……..Fuck you.

  25. Lawzlo

    “Mxyzptlk is a person, not an emotion.”

    1. Cheryl

      LOL!!^

  26. Idon'tcarenomore

    Joyce is such a complete naïve child, that people who are trying to ‘grow up’ in college, may just have a hard time handling her.
    Plus her continual ref. to her religion is off putting to some. She has no problem letting them know that if they don’t believe her way, they are all going to Hell. Not exactly a way to win friends and influence people.

    But there is hope for her. She had a horrendous upbringing and she has flashes where she is trying to climb over the fence and into the real world.

    As for Sarah, she doesn’t trust people, period. She did what she felt was right, and turned the entire class against her. Some in particular were downright harassing. She want’s and education, is afraid of screwing up her schoalership, and keeps her nose to the grindstone.
    The only person she has a soft spot for is Joyce. Joyce aggrivates the Hell out of her, but she does try to protect her.
    Maybe because Joyce is the only person she knows at all, is the reason she made fun of her to Jacob..and she knew it was wrong then, but … Anyway she is stopping it now.

    Hope Jacob stays on her case. She needs a friend, BF or other wise.

    1. Mass Confusion

      You and me both, brother/sister/robot side-kick/monkey of above-average intelligence/haunted Chia pet
      I like to cover all bases as not to offend

  27. Orangey

    Man, I love that Jacob only went along with Joyce stories as its the only thing Sarah could comfortably talk about. He could’ve just as easily decided that he didn’t want to hang out/talk/be friends with Sarah but instead he just went along with whatever conversation he could just to be nice, n’aww.

  28. Bill

    And in panel three Sarah says, “Don’t ask me for any more Joyce stories.  It’s not fair to her”.

    Earlier, Sarah said to an unconscious Joyce, “…I might as well admit the reason I came after you is because I DO care — just a little.”

    Way to go, “big sister”.

  29. Robin

    Sarah’s speech in the last panel looks like Dotsies.

    1. Bill

      Dotsies looks like the answer to a question no one asked.
      OTOH, it might make an interesting cipher/code.

      1. begbert2

        Dotsies looks like a font invented by people who have never heard of eye trouble, poor focus, or dirt or dead pixels.

    2. John

      It takes a special kind of special to reach the apparently-serious conclusion that visually distinct letters are for the benefit of the writer, and what the reader really needs is horizontal compactness.

  30. Angel

    In her defense, if I knew Joyce I’d be very concerned for her too, she’s like a little kid.

  31. Maycroft

    Sarah: “Ph´nglui mglw´nafh Cthulhu R´lyeh wgah´nagl fhtagn!”

  32. BrokenEye, True False Prophet

    You know, I’m feeling pretty mmphbbpthmbmbl myself

  33. Hatch

    I think she said I’m feeling like a fucking lesbian right now

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