105

Kidnapped
Posted on December 30, 2011 by David M Willis

105 thoughts on “Kidnapped”

  1. OhHayMike

    I like her version of the trip better than the actual trip.

    1. MichaelHaneline

      I agree.

    2. Doctor_Who

      Clearly all DOA stories should end with a “Dina version”.

      1. NCP19

        Dare I ask how the party and Ryan attack story would’ve been conveyed?

        1. George

          “I almost tripped over a bleeding guy and there was a lot of yelling. Bleeding guy crawled off somewhere. Someone else got carried off. I may have gone to a riot instead of the party”.

          Only part I can’t pin down is how she got there. Thoughts?

        2. Tucker

          Stanley Cup final.

        3. Aizat

          The average reaction after a football match, Oh sorry, soccer match.

        4. TheBenenator

          Sounds more like a hockey game to me.

        5. Azumango

          The other day I went to a fight, and a hockey mach broke out!

        6. OhHayMike

          I think we have a winner.

        7. Tucker

          Oh, do I ever love Hockey XD

        8. SteveCharb

          Dina recaps the party: “I went to a big house full of strange, intoxicated people. A religious guy quoted the bible, then put something in the drinks. Sex was attempted. Later, there was blood everywhere. No bodies were found.”

        9. Hanii Puppy

          “I went to a house full of people clearly on some kind of mind-altering substance. A crazy cultist attempted to perform some kind of sexual ritual with another cultist. He failed, and the rest of the people attempted to convert him into a blood-sacrifice to appease their god for him failing the ritual. Then their obvious high-preistess tried to take control of the sacrifice, but he crawled away.”

    3. Wizard

      Sounds like a pretty accurate account to me. Aside from the sharks, anyway; one doesn’t really count as a lake-full.

      1. Rognik

        Walky also doesn’t count as a shark. He’s more like a vicious minnow.

        1. Tucker

          Or Nemo.

    4. Palmetto

      Reminds me of the movie synopsis:

      “Girl travels to foreign land, commits manslaughter, teams with three bizarre strangers to kill again.”

      Wizard of Oz.

      1. Zuche

        There should be an image of them doing a power walk. It must be so!

  2. Plasma Mongoose

    Mystery SOLVED!

  3. Leorale

    But how did she escape?

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Cos she’s a ninja.

      1. Zuche

        Better yet, she’s a lone ninja.

        1. Leorale

          oh yeah, there is that!

          ::crouching tiger music::
          ::glint off archaeologist pick::
          ::closeup of Dina’s eyes::

        2. Tucker

          Or,

          -closeup of eyes-
          -chewing on miniature pick that looks like a cigar-
          -cue spaghetti western music–

        3. Leorale

          doowee ooee oooo!

  4. David Herbert

    Did Walky poke her with his shark boner?

    1. David Herbert

      It’s a Questionable Content reference.

    2. Plasma Mongoose

      Unless it is a megalodon boner, she won’t be impressed.

      1. David

        Megalodon Boner is my Dinosaur Jr cover band.

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          What instrument do you play?

        2. molochmachine

          David operates the wah pedal. Mascis’ wah foot usually gets its own credit anyway.

        3. Plasma Mongoose

          I remember playing a mean triangle when I was a kid. 😛

        4. iSaidCandleja-

          I tried to play the triangle, but I did a poorly as the main character in the claymation Carol Of The Bells.

        5. f.p.

          I was a prodigy on the kazoo. Maybe I should pick it back up.

        6. Zuche

          One of the few instruments that still functions at twenty below zero. Brass and reed people often looked down on the percussionists, but there’s a point at which only the glockenspiel can carry the parade, a time you realize that the bass drum isn’t just an oversized metronome.

        7. Kernanator

          We don’t look down on you. We just think you’re TOO FUCKING LOUD.

        8. Plasma Mongoose

          But when it comes to the prince of simple instruments, you cannot go pass the wobble board.

        9. Tucker

          Now I’m just imagining one guitar player as being Voltron in complete form.

        10. Plasma Mongoose

          Better yet, replace Voltron with Devastator.

        11. Tucker

          Or Megazord.

        12. Spammy McSpamster

          The tromboner.

          obviously.

        13. Plasma Mongoose

          Don’t forget the xylobone.

      2. alex

        *raises finger to comment*
        …
        *lowers finger, deciding against it*

  5. Inara

    and judging from Amber’s expression, it looks like she’s pretty sure those pieces are ‘drugs’ and ‘on’…

    1. George

      I’m thinking “roomie” and “crazy”, myself.

    2. Hannover Fist

      I’ll bet Dina has a bong made from a fossilized therapod egg.

      1. fellixe

        Maybe Dina in her thirties. It will be for my grandchildren to see how that storyline plays out.

      2. ryan

        i would have guessed a velociraptor’s larynx.

  6. IDreamOfPunk

    Quick and to the point. With sharks.

  7. Dierna

    Fun fact: The book and movie Jaws was based on a real event when a River Shark attacked a bunch of kids in New Jersey. River Sharks are considered to be more dangerous than a Great White cuz they’re more Fresh water sharks than anything else but they can also be in salt water.

    1. Zuche

      Fun fact: Peter Benchley spent many of his remaining years working to atone for how his work had helped demonize an endangered species.

  8. Ridureyu

    I wonder how she describes her classes.

    1. Vabolo

      A strange, frustrated man placed us in rows and interrogated us on various aspects of philosophy, and we were all bound to complete silence, lest a sanction involving the reduction of a final numeral summary would occur.

      1. Tucker

        Yes.

      2. Valdrax

        Too florid. Dina doesn’t strike me as the type that would use words like “lest,” “sanctioned,” or “interrogated” when simpler words would do.

        1. Steve

          “Fifty people kidnapped me and made me listen to an old man”

        2. Valdrax

          s/”kidnapped me”/”shut me in a room”/ and it’s perfect.

  9. Wonder Wig

    You’d think that kidnapping the roommate of a superhero wouldn’t be so easy. =O

    1. Doctor_Who

      Nah. Sidekicks get kidnapped all the time.

      1. Tucker

        Seriously, it’s like #1 plot device for special Superhero drama.

        1. alex

          unless it’s spider-man in wich case its “dead girlfriend”

        2. Tucker

          And the Dark Knight, come to think of it.

          Furthermore: RAAAAACHEL!

  10. Nocturne

    I think Dina is my favorite ever.

  11. Rognik

    Technically, she wasn’t kidnapped. She was shanghaied. Or perhaps “swept away by a tide of people”. Doesn’t explain how she stayed with them on the bus, though…

    1. Tucker

      Clearly it was the venga bus.

  12. Janette

    Awesome way to end the week.

  13. lawzlo

    I believe that she missed the part where she won “catch.”

    1. lawzlo

      Oh my God, a new avatar! I am no longer creepy Joe.

      How will I ever survive?

      1. fellixe

        With your femurs, of course, because you need them to live.

      2. Valdrax

        I’m on grumpy person #3. Grumpy Sal, Grumpy Amazi-Girl, and now Somewhat Put-out Sara.

  14. Uniqueantique

    And that is the best explanation I could have imagined. However, based on Dina’s particular world view it makes perfect sense…?

  15. f.p.

    Somehow that’s pretty close to the account I was expecting from Dina.

  16. Slipdance

    Words cannot contain the shame I feel for just now, at half past one in the morning, piecing together that ‘hey, the two girls Walkyverse Mike’s had a history with are roomies’.

    Slow does not even begin to describe… 🙁

    1. Tucker

      With that Gravatar and everything.

      DOA’s only been running for 16 months and change… Don’t feel too bad!

    2. George

      You are not alone there.

  17. Kernanator

    Willis, if/when you release a DOA book, you should end every “day” with a Dina summary. It would be the greatest thing EVER.

    1. George

      YES.

    2. Ed

      I concur.

    3. David

      Hmmmm.

    4. Jackson

      Okay. I know a lot of things in the history of the universe have been called the greatest thing EVER. Some of them have even been called so by ME. They can’t all be the greatest thing.

      But Kernanator? This idea might just BE the greatest thing ever. I was planning to buy a DoA book anyway, but if it included Dina daily summaries, I would buy it EVEN HARDER.

      CAPITALIZATION. EMPHASIS.

    5. thatgirlwiththeglasses

      YES.
      I APPROVE.

    6. Tucker

      EXTRA CAPITALIZATION!

      I agree with absolute fervour.

      1. Michelle J Caboose

        I read that as “absolute femur.” Then I reread it that way.

        I need new glasses…

        1. Tucker

          Or perhaps femurs. You need those to live, you know.

    7. Wack'd

      DO IT.

      DO IT NOW.

  18. Aizat

    Cool story, Dina.

    1. Tucker

      u mad, Dina?

      1. AJBulldis

        DINA WITH IT B-|

  19. Edd

    Dina escaped by whipping out her shark gun and loading it with the ones nearby, shooting everyone, and then batman-ing back to her room.

    1. Aizat

      Don’t you mean the Shark-repellant Batspray?

  20. Aizat

    So, Walky’s new nickname is Shark?

    1. Khan

      Yes. In a room for all eternity in the center of a dead planet

      Buried aliiive… Buried alive…

      1. Tucker

        The Impossible Planet?

      2. Michelle J Caboose

        KHAAAAAAAAAN!!!

  21. Aizat

    I know it’s a bit early but Happy New Year, guys and gals and everything in between.

    1. thomas0comer

      Would “everything in between” include the word “and”?

      1. fellixe

        It could mean the ‘b’, the three ‘e’s, the ‘n’, the ‘t’, and the ‘w’.

        1. Tucker

          A couple of G’s G’s unless you’ve had to live it an R and an E Even I am careful with it
          An I and an N, in the end it will only offend, don’t want to have to spell it out again

          Yeah

          Only a ginger can call another ginger ginger
          Only a ginger can call another ginger ginger

  22. Sporkaganza

    From now on I want Dina to relate every single event of my life.

  23. Tucker

    Happy New Year, Walky style!

    1. Kernanator

      …Well played, Tucker, well played.

    2. Jen Aside

      I think I had a heart attack just looking at that photo… D=

  24. Zem

    Dina: Can I help it if my life rocks?

  25. John Madden

    Is Dina being serious about the sharks?

  26. B.D

    …! Does Dina not recognize faces?

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