234

Structure
Posted on April 6, 2019 by David M Willis

THREE DAYS LEFT!

The Dumbing of Age Book 8 Kickstarter now includes FREE DOROTHY MAGNETS FOR NEARLY EVERYONE!  If you’re getting any combination of paper books mailed to you, you get a free Dorothy magnet.  If you’re getting the DIGITAL PLUS MAGNET tier, you get a free Dorothy magnet. It’s just the DIGITAL (PDF only) tiers that are sadly left out because, like, there is no envelope, I am sorry.  I can’t shove the magnet through the computer. You don't gotta add her to your PICK THREE or PICK FIVE MAGNETS tiers.  She's thrown in as a bonus.  You now get four and six magnets for those tiers, respectively.  And if you got COMPLETE MAGNET POWER, she's thrown on the big ol' pile.  

234 thoughts on “Structure”

  1. Goshii

    How dare joice not like Remoulade

    1. Goshii

      *Joyce even. I and Y aren’t even on the same finger for typing, how did i mess this up?

      1. Dana

        It’s always autocorrect’s fault. Whether there is an autocorrect or not.

        1. BarerMender

          Fukin’ autocorrect.

        2. Durandal_1707

          Damn that autocorrect. Damn it straight to he’ll.

        3. Jamie

          Ducking autoconnect.

    2. ValdVin

      Remoulade? Sounds awfully fancy. Can she dip a chicken tender into it?

      1. Tacos

        Yes.

      2. Opus the Poet

        Not real remoulade, but you can get pretty close with the right ratio of mayo and ketchup.

        1. Kryss LaBryn

          Mum used to make an excellent sauce for shrimp salad out of mayo and ketchup (about 2:1 or so), with a dash of lemon juice concentrate and a dab of seafood cocktail sauce mixed in. Very tasty.

          And that recipe, via fish sticks, is how I ended up mixing ketchup and mayo for my fries. XD

      3. Marsh Maryrose

        In Louisiana, remoulade is as populist as it gets. In the rest of the US, what is wrong with you that aren’t you adding ketchup, mustard, paprika, and horseradish to your otherwise boring tartar sauce?

        1. Lucy Gillam

          The horseradish is a must. Although I still love Frisch’s tartar sauce. They use dill pickles instead of sweet. That’s what I grew up on, and all other tartar sauce tastes weird.

        2. Alan Lafond

          I can definitely get on board with mustard, paprika, and horseradish. But there is no way you’ll get me to add ketchup! I refuse to use ketchup as a condiment. If it is an ingredient in a specific recipe, I do use it, but that’s the ONLY time I use ketchup. To me, ketchup is what you get if you butcher a perfectly good fruit! Ketchup is not deserving enough to go on my food.

      4. thejeff

        She could, but that would be mixing foods.

    3. Rex Vivat

      Remoulade doesn’t have much in the way of ketchup, tho. Salsa golf is a better match, and if any of you want it gone YOU’LL HAVE TO TAKE IT OUT OF MY DEAD, COLD FINGERS.

    4. Lucy Gillam

      In Utah, they call that “fry sauce,” although I think they’re more inclined to Miracle Whip (shudder).

      1. Hilzabub

        Imagine my surprise when I visited Utah for a few days and everyone was asking me if I wanted fry sauce.

        I only needed to say “Yes” once to know that I would forever say “no” to it.

  2. Shadowypenguin

    I support this rule and our new leader Joyce.

    1. ShinyNeen

      NOW JOYCE IS THE LAW ‘ROUND HERE!

    2. JessWitt

      The cult of Joyce. Followers are Joycians.

      1. Joshua Kronengold

        Stately, plump Buck Mulligan came from the stairwell…

      2. HeySo

        Joycians are only the orthodox followers.
        Reformists are known as ReJoycians.

    3. Bagge

      JOYCE FOR RA

  3. ValdVin

    I hope Joyce’s god has no opinion on dijon and mayo mixed

    1. Marsh Maryrose

      He has an opinion on the mixing of linen and wool. What doesn’t He have an opinion on?

      1. ValdVin

        Okay, what about (checks Bible) my mustard seeds and my mayonnaise seeds? Can I sow them in the same field or is that forbidden?

        1. Marsh Maryrose

          I spent my teen years in a place where wild mustard grew in vacant fields. Those fields are now covered by strip malls, and I get wistful when I visit my old haunts and remember the fields of wild mustard that used to grow there.

          But I never saw fields of wild mayonnaise. Tell me more about these mayonnaise seeds. Can you get them from the Burpee seed catalog? Are heirloom mayonnaise seeds available? What hardiness zone do they prefer? Are they difficult to germinate, or can you just sew them in an open field?

        2. Clif

          There are things man is not meant to know. Fortunately Joyce is a woman.

        3. Rogue

          Mayo is made from eggs. Eggs are pareve so you can eat them with either meat OR dairy. Mustard is also Pareve. I’d say your fine.

    2. Plasma Mongoose

      God doesn’t like it when you wear clothing made from two different materials nor does he like it when you cook a kid in its own mother’s milk.

      As for mayonnaise, the condiment of the Patriarchy, I think it’s foul tasting.

      1. Joshua Kronengold

        It’s eggs. And oil. Eggs are tasty. Oil is tasty. Mix them together and they’re still tasty; it just depends on what you flavor the combo with.

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          I like chocolate and I like croissants but I hate them together.

        2. Ferret

          Well you’re also wrong about that.

  4. Ana Chronistic

    https://twitter.com/emilarius/status/1113892939732799488

    1. Ana Chronistic

      that was the wrong cut paste yay Friday evening

      vvv

      yeah, about that

      1. Shadowypenguin

        I prefer the first link

        1. Ana Chronistic

          maybe you’ll like the other one, too: https://twitter.com/b_ru_ru/status/1113986372195377152

      2. Bladeglory

        How did Willis predict that Heinz would announce its newest condiment mixing monstrosity yesterday when he wrote this strip so many months ago?

        God created condiments separately! Kranch should never have been born!
        (this isn’t my doctrine, just Joyce’s)

        1. Chupicron

          It’s how people make “fry sauce.”

        2. Abel Undercity

          Well it’s also the “special sauce” on a Big Mac. My days of working the fryer at Mickey D’s were very disillusioning.

        3. Needfuldoer

          I see two factions breaking out in the Kraft-Heinz kitchens: those who think they need to destroy the hell they’ve created, and those who see it as their ticket to take over the condiment aisle.

          This product also split the graphic design department in two. One side says the letters should be evenly colored red and blue for symmetry, the other says only the K should be red because it’s the only letter taken from the word “ketchup”.

        4. Needfuldoer

          Also they should have called it “Ranchup”.

        5. Bladeglory

          Thank you for being the only person with an appropriate response to my nonsense.

        6. Zero

          God had nothing to do with either of those.

        7. Bryan Langley

          Ranch and Ketchup are delicious!

      3. ShinyNeen

        Aha, there’s those Mayochup bottles!

        Ugh. I can’t speak to the flavor, but I will swear that they picked the least appealing color to make the bottles.

        1. E. Bernhard Warg

          Transparent?

        2. ShinyNeen

          *Squints at picture* Oh! Huh, yeah. I just assumed the bottles were colored like that, I guess.

  5. StClair

    “Good, bad, I’m the girl with the jacket.”

    1. Bagge

      I’m a rebel

      1. Deanatay

        Not the original, but the best.

  6. BBCC

    I am 100% on board with this law.

    And yeah, Joyce, come on, you already know having a leather jacket means you don’t have to listen to rules.

    1. Reltzik

      The ketchup and mayonnaise rule? Eh….. maybe only the end-consumer mixes them and no purchased food has them premixed? I mean I’d much prefer not to have them mixed on food I buy, but I wouldn’t want to outlaw people doing it to their own food.

      As for the leather jacket rule? ABSOLUTELY NOT. The resulting market shift in the apparel industry alone would lead to pure anarchy on multiple fronts.

      1. BBCC

        I am on board with the ketchup/mayonnaise law. I’d prefer both be banned outright, because GROSS, but eh. Not my law.

        As for leather jackets – look, borrowing sweet teal jackets from our badass friends is NO basis for a system of government.

        1. Clif

          What if it’s a storm trouper jacket able to channel the violence inherent in the system?

        2. BBCC

          Depends on the system you’re picking.

  7. ValdVin

    Okay, who on this board lives in the part of the USA where Duke’s mayo is a thing? Can you tell me if I’m missing out?

    1. BarerMender

      I live in Florida and I have compared Duke’s to Hellman’s, side by side. Duke’s may be slightly better, but only very slightly. Not worth troubling over.

  8. ian livs

    Using my Ethan avatar to say–no, Ethan, she is not onto something here, ketchup + mayo is one of the only good kinds of foods-touching there is. 🙂

  9. DarkoNeko

    She dislike Samurai sauce uh

  10. Stephen Bierce

    *notices that somebody interrupted the hacked Muzak with the Ketchup jingle from A Prairie Home Companion*

  11. DarkoNeko

    Also, Jacob is literally too good for this world

    1. Schpoonman

      Right?

  12. Tacos

    I’ll be honest, I also immediately cringed at the thought of mayo and ketchup together but then I remembered that some burgers I get have that so I dunno how I should feel.

    1. Inahc

      I’m not really familiar with it myself, but I know that chipotle mayo is frigging awesome 🙂 …but that’s more just that chipotles are awesome, and mayo reduces the spiciness so I can eat more 🙂

    2. White Rice

      It’s quite often the “secret sauce” places will use (that, or thousand island dressing) on burgers.

      I’ve never been a fan of mayo, but with enough other things to cover the flavor, I can work with it (but as a dipping sauce (like the aforementioned ketchup/mayo) no thank you)

      1. Touchfuzzy

        Mayo is used in a lot of things people don’t realize its in. Honey Mustard dipping sauce? That shit’s like half mayo. I think mayo is best for creating other things. Though I do like it by itself on a few things (egg sandwiches for instance).

  13. Marsh Maryrose

    If I didn’t know that Jacob is canon Episcopalian, I would think that he might be Unitarian Universalist.

    I was raised as a UU, and between panel 1 and panel 3, Jacob does a better job of explaining UU belief than I ever could.

    1. Reltzik

      Don’t forget Panel 5, that’s an important one too.

      1. Marsh Maryrose

        Yep! I kicked myself for omitting panel 5.

  14. brionl

    How does Joyce feel about Dijonnaise?

    1. Deanatay

      The Devil’s Sauce

    2. Roborat

      Dijon mustard mixed with horseradish is the best.

  15. Cattleprod

    What’s Joyce’s stance on mustard on fries?

    1. Clif

      Fine, as long as they aren’t touching.

      1. Needfuldoer

        How about vinegar?

        1. Roborat

          It has to be malt vinegar. When I am visiting my mother in Arizona, I bring my own vinegar packets to 5 guys for my fries. I can tell the Americans from the Canadians by the looks I get.

  16. Suzi

    I’m sorry but I will fight anyone on this. Mayochup (or fry sauce) is amazing. Joyce is objectively wrong on all fronts.

    (PS its best if homemade and has garlic and pepper spices in it)

    1. Schpoonman

      Oooohh, I know what I’m making this weekend.

      1. Suzi

        Here’s my sort-of recipe. I think it changes every time I make it.

        Approximately equal parts mayo and ketchup. Try for organic, not to be a hipster but because it tastes less chemically to me than non-organic. Then, in order of largest amount (maybe 1-1/2 tsp? down to a pinch) to smallest: garlic powder, cumin, (paprika and oregano in equalish amounts), salt, onion powder, black pepper.

        If you like it kinda spicey, add in some cayenne pepper and chili flakes or powder.

        I almost never make it the same way twice. If I’m missing something, I’ll just put in more of something else. A friend once put in lime juice and that was pretty snazzy too.

        Original recipe from my friend in Puerto Rico. Pretty much anything fried goes well with it. I like to make taquitos and then dip them in it. Nomnomnom. Time for lunch.

    2. alice

      ah fuck that does sound pretty good, i may have to make some of that but without the ketchup (because yes that part is still awful)

      1. Suzi

        If you make it without ketchup (I commented my recipe above) then add in a little lemon or lime juice to make it more saucey. Unless you want to put that on a sandwich, then you could leave it thicker.

  17. Sol Karas

    Mayo is the worst thing ever and whenever I see those “millenials are killing the mayo industry” articles I cheer.

    1. Schpoonman

      The only reason I’m killing the mayonnaise industry is because I’m making five different kinds at home.

      1. Lensipensi

        Yes! I love homemade mayo <3

    2. 3oranges

      There may be some I would miss, but I feel like a lot of the “millennials are killing” things were bad to begin with. Like, RIP, golf. Guess we’ll have to use parks for something not boring and expensive and environmentally costly, oh no.

      1. BBCC

        I like golf, but there have to be ways to make it A) More environmentally friendly and B) Cheaper. I dunno, more natural courses maybe. Or indoor courses, those are always fun.

        1. 3oranges

          The way I know to do both A and B is mini golf.

        2. Needfuldoer

          I’d play golf if I could rent a set of clubs to play a round, but short of borrowing from someone or building an abomination of a cheap set from Goodwill, is there a cheap way to get started?

        3. BBCC

          The golf courses around here let you use clubs to play, no buying necessary.

      2. Tacos

        Apparently millennials have killed everything at one point or another. The housing market, jobs, sports, boobs, fast food, coffee, etc.

        1. Inahc

          Everything except avocados, apparently :p

        2. Lensipensi

          😀
          Just killing the planet with those… (That doesn’t apply to the US, I guess. But they are so much imported to the EU…)

        3. Needfuldoer

          Home-owning, job-having, boob-loving, coffee-addicted Millennial here. I’ve always felt more like a Gen X-er who missed the bus, though. (And I hate avocados.)

          Most of the “hurr durr Millennials” stuff coming out of Boomer media seems to apply more to second-wave Millennials and “Gen Z” (or whatever they decide to call kids too young to remember where they were on 9/11). It’s like they forget the oldest Millennials are around 40.

        4. thejeff

          It’s just the latest version of “kids these days”.

        5. Deathjavu

          My favorite versions of “kids these days” are the super old ones, because then you can see how truly absurd these moral panics are.

          “Newspapers have destroyed face to face communication! penny novels are a gateway to playing pool and then theft! Chess is corrupting our children!”

          (Those are all real moral panics I recall reading about, they are hilarious)

        6. hof1991

          I edited the memoirs of a relative who was born in 1859 and the first chapter was literally “kids these days”. They don’t have to muck out a barn before riding their pony anymore. His father ran a livery stable, but his step-son flew airplanes.

        7. BBCC

          We have versions of kids these days from ancient rome at least – complaining how teenagers are loud and don’t listen to their elders anymore.

        8. Roborat

          How did millennials kill boobs?

    3. Deadjolras

      Mayo is the only condiment I can stand because I’m a extremely picky eater. Your joy is my despair.

      1. alice

        fortunately: aioli! same thing, more expensive. ok, sorta fortunately.

    4. Keulen

      Mayo deserved it.

  18. AutobotDen

    So, she wouldn’t like the fry sauce from Freddy’s then.

  19. Reltzik

    What about mayonnaise and catsup? Can we mix those?

  20. Schpoonman

    Joyce, you shut your mouth, Baconators are ketchup and mayonnaise and I will fight you to the death over them.

  21. Danielle

    mix mayo with chipotle and a little lime juice!

    1. Lensipensi

      Yes! That’s my favourite cocktail sauce.

  22. FLUFFYWOLF

    …Does anyone else here wonder if Joyce has autism?

    1. Uly

      Having food issues does not necessarily mean you are autistic. And while it’s certainly true that she has no concept of personal boundaries, comparing her to Becky suggests that the two of them were just never taught USA-normative boundaries rather than that it’s innate.

    2. BarerMender

      I rather suspected Dina of that.

    3. Marsh Maryrose

      She definitely has sensory…I was going to say “issues,” but that kind of implies that there’s something wrong with her, and as long as she’s not causing harm to herself or anyone else, there’s nothing wrong with her liking what she likes, and disliking what she dislikes.

      And having specific food dislikes doesn’t necessarily put someone into any particular quadrant of the DSM-V, let alone any particular section of it. At best, that may be part of the differential diagnosis, should diagnosis become a thing to be explored.

      1. MatthewTheLucky

        I would say she is harming herself, given her anxiety and self-esteem issues that she’s displayed with regards to her eating habits.

        1. Marsh Maryrose

          She’s eating everything on her plate. She’s just eating it in tranches, rather than mixed together.

          If she were consistently eating some things, and not eating other things, that might be a cause for concern with regard to nutrient deficiency. But if she just prefers to eat her pizza with sausage on the side instead of on the pizza, I don’t see the problem.

          Which is not to say she doesn’t have self-esteem issues. But I don’t see how the fact that she eats food differently from other people is a symptom of that, and I also don’t see how other people making her self-conscious of the fact that she eats food differently from them is going to improve her self-esteem.

        2. MatthewTheLucky

          The irrational revulsion to everyday situations is an issue in and of itself. She clearly does not just want or prefer to have her food a certain way; she’s experiencing compulsions that make her feel disgusted in everyday situations, and has been actively fighting to ignore those compulsions.

        3. Regalli

          She also clearly has a heap of anxiety about how others perceive her eating habits. Part of why she’s forced herself to branch out around Jacob is because she doesn’t want him to think she’s weird.

        4. Marsh Maryrose

          Fairly put. I may be misreading a situation for which I have no real-world experience, and the compulsion aspect is something I hadn’t considered.

    4. DailyBrad

      “If you’ve met one person with autism, you’ve met one person with autism”. as the expression goes. The spectrum is a wide one. I could see her being on it, but it’s difficult to tell.

      1. Regalli

        Especially since Willis has said a lot of these discussions are ones he’s wondered about himself and are Joyce being autobiographical. Question for the ages.

        1. Chris Phoenix

          Dan Shive just said that, like, a few days ago: that people tend to ask whether his characters are autistic when they do something autobiographical. Are you sure Willis said it too?

        2. Wertthelord

          Not about autobiographical character moments being perceived as autistic, but Willis has said Joyce’s journey to some extent is intended as autobiographical, I would source but I don’t know where to look and am still waking up

        3. ShinyNeen

          Willis has definitely also talked about that exact thing happening to him, though it was long enough ago that when I first found the tumblr posts they were already ancient. Right now I can only find this one post about Dina, but I’m pretty sure he talked about it more at other points. Also I don’t often link tumblr posts so apologies in advance if I link it wrong!

          Anyway the takeaway from this happening multiple times is that webcomics are clearly a portal into the creator’s innermost psyche! Freaky.

    5. Needfuldoer

      She likely has OCD to an extent, and she was definitely a sheltered child, but I don’t think Joyce is Autistic.

      Like others said, Dina likely has a mild Autism-spectrum disorder, probably what had been defined for decades as Asperger Syndrome. She has the characteristic encyclopedic knowledge of a specific subject (dinosaurs in her case) and obliviousness to nonverbal social cues.

      Of course only a mental health expert can diagnose a real person, and only Willis can diagnose his characters definitively, but that’s what I see from my perspective.

    6. Jade

      oh my gosh YES. She displays a lot of overlooked female autism symptoms and I feel so seen in her. Having her, along with Dina, display such different sides of it but be in the same canon makes me so happy. Even if it’s not actually canon.

  23. Spaz

    What the HELL?

    Ketchup and mayonnaise? Who would do such a thing?

    1. Xerxes

      MCDonald’s and their Secret Sauce would >:(

      1. Uly

        McDonald’s secret sauce is thousand island dressing.

        1. Yumi

          You know what the base of thousand island dressing is, right?

    2. regina phalange

      It’s pretty common in in American restaurants that serve Belgian/Canadian-style fries, which usually have flavored mayo as a dipping sauce.
      I don’t blame people who have never heard of it for being repulsed, because yeah, it sounds gross, but there’s a point of don’t knock-it-till-you-try-it here. Plus. there’s brand issues. I hated mayo until I spent some time in the Netherlands and now I’m super into it, but I’d NEVER buy mayo from a supermarket–still seems gross to me.

    3. Wizard

      Heinz. Yes, I actually saw this on the shelf when I was shopping for catsup the other day. Didn’t even sound like a good idea to me, but to each their own.

    4. Marsh Maryrose

      Um…this is pretty much common in any part of the world where ketchup and mayonnaise both exist? Condimentally speaking, ketchup and mayonnaise serve different functions: ketchup is mostly savory, mayonnaise is mostly fatty/mouth-feel.

    5. Sunny

      It’s a fairly common thing in Germany. You can get “Fries red-white” from any food stall that sells fries. It usually looks something like https://i.imgur.com/ZLusgex.jpg

    6. timemonkey

      I do, all the time, tastes great.

  24. Poskie

    I agree that pure mayonnaise is disgusting. However. Joyce has clearly never eaten tostones. For they are quite tasty with mayoketchup.

    1. Liquid Len

      I have eaten tostones many times and never knew that was a thing

  25. y3k

    Fry sauce is in fact the Devil, yes.

  26. Yotomoe

    I am SO SURE that she hasn’t had a wendy’s baconator to hold this opinion.

    1. Schpoonman

      I knew I liked you more than for just your art.

    2. Tenzhi

      The Baconator is great… when you order it without the vomit-inducing mayonnaise.

      1. Delicious Taffy

        Stop ordering your sandwiches with fucking ipecac mayo, and you wouldn’t have that problem.

    3. Tacos

      Personally I like Burger King’s Bacon King more.

  27. avistel

    “SEPARATETH THINE CONDIMENTS” SHALL BE THE WHOLE OF THE LAW

    1. Deanatay

      And The Lord said unto me, Thou shall sittest at thine dinner table, and the ketchup shalt be at thine left hand, and the mayo shalt be on thine right, and both shall be pleasing in My sight, so long as they touchest not. For he that mixeth the sauces shall be unclean in My sight, and will be cast out to wander the desert for forty generations, with nothing but their Dijonnaise and their Baconnators and their Renoulades to sustain them. For such is The Will of Our Lord, Amen.

  28. JessWitt

    Is Joyce gonna lead a boycott on Heinz?

  29. Josh Spicer

    *points to Joyce will sitting down*

    You…keep talking…

  30. JA

    Yeah, Joyce is completely correct here.

    And related to that, what is with you weirdos who put mayonnaise on burgers?

    1. Inahc

      It sticks the lettuce to the bun. 🙂

      1. Tenzhi

        And what’s with you weirdos who sap the heat and life out of a sandwich by putting lettuce and/or a slice of tomato on it. Salads exist so you don’t have to ruin burgers.

        1. Marsh Maryrose

          Barbara Kruger is a great artist and this is one of her greatest pieces:

          How dare you not be me?.

        2. not someone else

          You are a heretic to the delicious cronch :<

        3. Lily

          Tomatoes and lettuce (especially tomatoes) are godly and fantastic on sandwiches and burgers be quiet

        4. Delicious Taffy

          I should have scrolled down a little further before my mayo comment. This is the thermonuclear global crisis take I should have addressed instead. A big fat slice of tomato makes the burger and I will die on this hill.

        5. Schpoonman

          I like different flavors and textures in my burger or sandwich.

        6. Roborat

          Heretic! I put extra tomato slices on my burger. The flavor makes the burger better.

    2. Annamal

      Aioli on burgers is amazing!
      Aioli is really only mayo with delusions of grandeur…

      1. Needfuldoer

        You mean donkey sauce?

        Guy Fieri’s schtick is obnoxious, but damn that stuff’s good.

    3. Sam

      I like it, stop judging me. Mayonnaise is the only sauce I like and you will not take it from me.

  31. MatthewTheLucky

    Joyce’s ideas are intriguing to me, and I would like to subscribe to her newsletter.

  32. Kensou

    Mayonnaise is the spawn of the devil… and for me I think that says something, given that I’ve tried to put all that behind me for decades now.

  33. Ray

    In that case, nobody tell her what’s in 1000 Island Dressing!

  34. DailyBrad

    Man, Jacob’s awesome.

  35. Vivvav

    THEN WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DIP MY FRIES IN, JOYCE!?

  36. abysswatcher1993

    If Joyce becomes Andrew Ryan because of this I will blame Jacob.

    Joyce: “Are you entitled to the mayonaise in your sandwich? No, says the man in Washington, it belongs to the rich. No, says the man in Moscow, it belongs to Putin. No, says the man in the Bible Belt, it belongs to legal citizens. I choose a different answer. I choose the Imposible: Joyceland, a place where the people with OCD can make sandwiches their own way without restrictions of petty cuisine, where every sandwich and salad is valid, and where you can’t force people to eat something they don’t want, and you can make this place your own too.”

    1. Bagge

      “A man chooses, a slave obeys, a woman KICKS YOUR ASS”

      1. abysswatcher1993

        Joyce: “No gods, nor bigots, only friends.”

  37. Rowen Morland

    Mayo makes everything worse.

    1. Keulen

      I agree, I’ve never understood the appeal of mayonaisse.

      1. Sunny

        It’s very rich in fats and can bring different flavours together into a harmonious whole. I think the problem is that too many people thought you were supposed to just slather it on instead of adding just a little.

        1. Delicious Taffy

          It’s okay, you can say Americans ruined it for everyone.

        2. thejeff

          That’s a lot of the problem. I don’t particularly like it, even in small quantities, but it’s really gross in the quantity you get on a deli sandwich.

          The mustard they skimp on.

          I’ll never understand.

      2. Sam

        It tends to go very well with meats and chicken and can give things that extra little tang without being overwhelming if it is in a suitable dose a.k.a like a bit from a squirt bottle, not 3 spoons of it.

        On the other hand, I can’t get the appeal of any other sauces used whatsoever.

  38. Bagge

    In hindsight, the path from Leather jacket -> Dominatrix was short, so short.

    1. Delicious Taffy

      After leather jacket comes leather pants and bra. Then comes full body suit with zippers and strap-on holster. She’s like a size 6.

  39. Makkabee

    And thus the Great Crusade against Thousand Island Dressing began.

  40. Potatamoto

    Mayo and ketchup are both pretty bad, but if they should happen to be on something edible I can usually scrape them off and still enjoy whatever it is. Not mustard, though. If mustard touches something, that thing becomes garbage.

    1. Delicious Taffy

      Is that any mustard, or just the yellow nonsense Americans have decided I need to specifically ask restaurants to exclude if I want edible hamburgers?

      1. Schpoonman

        Honestly, mustard on McDonald’s hamburgers is probably what made me not much of a fan of hamburgers. Even a very good cheeseburger feels off if it’s not really tricked out. I much prefer fried chicken sandwiches.

        1. TemperaryObsessor

          I remember I once had this hamburger at this taco place as an adult. It was overcooked and had way too much sauce on it. I thought disliking non homemade hamburgers was one of my many childhood quirks, and on some level it proberably was. I mean it I did blame the bun. But this hamburger reminded how the one time I tried a fast food burger and hated it.

        2. Needfuldoer

          The best part of a McDonalds burger is the warm, rubery-yet-crunchy pickle slice.

      2. Potatamoto

        Ehhhh…I mean, I guess any other kind of mustard is preferable to the plain yellow stuff? It’s bit like saying the decaying rat is less appetizing than the rest of the stuff in the dumpster, though. I’m just not much of a condiment guy.

  41. alice

    mayo and ketchup should never be mixed, but they’re both good on burgers, even at the same time, although not on the same bun, but they still do get mixed in your mouth, but they don’t start out in a mixed state.

  42. krylani

    Mayonnaise and barbecue sauce is a far superior combination.

  43. HMH

    damn millennials are killing mayo

    what’s next, freedom itself?

    1. Dierna

      Millenials didnt invent Fry Sauce. It’s been around in the Us since like the 60s and Brazil (where it’s called Golf Sauce) since the 1920s.

  44. Nymphie

    First i was like “what people do that” but then i realised that i always put mayonnaise on my sandwishes with makrell in tomato sauce…

  45. NinjaNick

    That’s right. Mayochup is just not right.

  46. Delicious Taffy

    In Panel 4, Joyce looks like her Nobody just slid past her with a blurry whoosh effect and the speed of it is scaring her.

  47. Dave

    Ethan in the last panel is the most Jewish he’s been in DoA’s entire run and I am here for it

  48. ktbear

    Has Joyce figured out yet that ketchup is just a whole bunch of different foods all touching each other? Just wondering…

  49. Felian

    Wow, i like what Jacob says in this strip. All of it are important messages!

  50. Felgraf

    Look at least they’re not mixing Cadbury Creme Eggs and Mayonaise.
    (… Yes. This is a thing. No, I am not making it up.)

    1. djaevlenselv

      Found this: https://static.standard.co.uk/s3fs-public/thumbnails/image/2019/04/02/10/heinz-cadbury-edited.jpg?w968

      I am disturbed and horrified.

  51. David H. Adler

    Ah. So this is what Joyce is like when she’s drunk with power.

  52. Lena

    Mayonaise and curry ketchup mixed is like the best.

    1. Marsh Maryrose

      I’m putting my hands over Joyce’s ears so that she doesn’t hear about curry ketchup. She might die of shock.

  53. Bryy

    Even though I think I know how far down the rabbit hole Joyce is, sometimes there is a strip that reminds me she’s even further than I thought.

    I feel so bad for Joyce. I can’t even fathom being so far up your religion’s butt that you can’t even comprehend critical thinking without it.

    Then I remember they’ve only been in school for maybe a dozen weeks, and that’s all it took for Joyce’s entire worldview to upend. Her religion’s worldview was so threadbare that it snapped in a light breeze.

    Then I remember that Joyce is auto, and my brain hurts even more.

  54. Joe

    Right on, Alt Text.

  55. Ryek Hvek

    Mayo plus dill pickle relish is the base of homemade tartar sauce (with dry mustard, white pepper, Worcestershire sauce, and fresh Italian parsley) so Alt Text is hereby redacted.

  56. Lone Duck

    I can empathize with Joyce on principal. I have a (mostly) joking breakdown of how sauces are right and good, and condiments are base satanic fluids. Ketchup, mayo, mustard, relish, vinegar, all terrible. Soy sauce, barbecue sauce, hot sauce, marinara sauce, all good. Much like leprosy, any food tainted by a condiment is a lost cause, leaving surgical excision the only means to save a dish.

  57. FacelessDeviant

    You can have my ketchupmixed mayo when you wrestle it from my cold, very slippery hands.

  58. Mouse

    I use ketchup, mayo, and a bit of balsamic to make a sauce for my fishless fillets. And I will not be stopping that deliciousness. 😛

  59. C.

    Ketchup and Mayo are both fine, but you should be care to mux them so you don’t wind up with excess sauce.

  60. DrunkenNordmann

    Joyce’s not a fan of Pommes Schranke, I take it. 😛

  61. Guest42

    Mayochup is the future.

  62. Drunk Mike

    Joyce doesn’t like Utah fry sauce? It’s one of the only good things here.

  63. ziggy78eog

    You are not my Mom, Joyce! I will mix ketchup and mayonnaise, whenever I want!

  64. JBento

    I hate to break it to you, Jacob, but religious people have been trying to make rules for everyone else since *check notes* ever.

  65. JBento

    Also, to all the people asking about Dijon, that might depend if Joyce is still Republican. It’s my understanding that Republicans think putting Dijon mustard is a crime against America.

    *puts finger to earpiece*

    Oh, my bad, turns out that’s only if it’s a black person doing it. Same with *checks notes* tan suits.

    1. Rabid Rabbit

      Putting Dijon on your Freedom Fries is extra bad. (Psst. Don’t tell the Republicans the American Revolution would never have worked without French help!)

      1. JBento

        But it’s so much fun telling them that the French threw the equivalent of a gazillion bucks at the revolutionary forces just because it’d mess up the British… 8(

        1. Needfuldoer

          Or where the Statue of Liberty came from.

        2. Rabid Rabbit

          Well, they don’t likely being reminded of what’s written on the Statue of Liberty so much these days. Though I’m sure they’d be relieved to know that the French were decent enough to cover up her breasts, to spare the poor Americans’ sensibilities.

  66. Slartibeast Button, BIA

    As someone who hates mayo and dislikes ketchup I am torn between:

    “Meh. Nothing to do with me.”

    “A plague on both your houses.”

    and

    “Just pass out condiment packets until the squirting stops.”

    P.S. Mustard is awful too.

    1. Johnny

      If you hate onions too we can become cooking friends

    2. Roborat

      If you mean that fluorescent yellow stuff that is called mustard I agree with you, but real mustard, of which there are many variants, are great. I am partial to Dijon mustard mixed with horseradish.

  67. Dierna

    And suddenly Joyce is disliked in Utah…and Brazil (where its called Golf Sauce)

    1. Johnny

      G..golf sauce? I’ve only ever heard Rosé Sauce in Brasilia.

  68. Lucy Gillam

    You will pry my pink sauce from my cold, dead hands. Well, someone’s cold, dead hands. Lots of hands about. No use wasting a good one.

  69. mrnoidea

    This mayo+ketchup war in the comments section is like the war on pineapple+pizza.

    (I like the former but not the latter)

  70. Fire_daws

    Is no one going to mention that Jakes is pointing at Joyce’s ‘pointers’ in panel 3?

    1. Reltzik

      That’s about five-to-fifteen degrees too high. More like her collarbone.

  71. Nelly Dreadful

    To those who have never worked fast food:

    Every sauce on any fast food burger is just mayonnaise, ketchup, and/or relish mixed in different proportions, possibly with packets of different dry sauce mixes blended in. That’s it. Everything is those three things plus optional powder.

    Also they’ve probably had the expiry date stickers secretly switched more than once.

    Also the Carl’s Jr Happy Star training videos will replay in my nightmares long into old age.

    1. Reltzik

      Wait, mustard isn’t on that list?

      …. wait, does mustard count as a sauce?

      1. Nelly Dreadful

        Honey mustard sauce is one of the powders. It goes in mayonnaise.

        Regular old mustard mustard is in standard little mustard bottles next to the lettuce and tomatoes on the burger assembly line and is generally not an ingredient in mixing things.

  72. Kinoko

    *raises hand*
    Allergic to mayonnaise here. That shit shows up everywhere, even when I specifically ask for without. (Not like I need an epipen or anything, but if I eat more than a bite, it’s barf city.) Ban it all, Joyce!

    1. Roborat

      So you are allergic to eggs?

  73. NoOneLikesRobin

    I really like these comics where Joyce explores her faith. There’s really nothing else like it out there, and it’s handled very well. Good job.

  74. smarties

    I for one approve of our new Anti-Mayo Joyce overlords. It is a sandwich ruining monster of a condiment.

    1. Kinoko

      It is! And once it’s on, it can’t be undone. Soaks into all the bread and other ingredients. If you’re allergic like me, it’s like “whoops, guess we just don’t give a fuck about you”.

  75. Jhon

    I just made myself a mayo and yellow mustard sandwich.
    On whole wheat toast.
    So bite me.

    1. BrokenEye, the True False Prophet

      God help us all

  76. Cute Carla

    I’m the one who came for your mayonnaise, btw. I keep it in a secret refrigerated storage vault in case the mayonnaisecalypse comes.

  77. BrokenEye, the True False Prophet

    I would not be at all surprised if that was hidden in some half-forgotten chapter of Leviticus somewhere.

  78. Felian

    oh wow.
    i had a dream of Joyce and her leather jacket and gloves today.
    what’s more: she had just gotten a very big arm tattoo of… i’m not actually sure. Some robot that might have been a transformer and i’m a very big noob but i just KNEW in my dream ok? ^^
    It actually impressed Sal!

  79. Micki

    I LOVE this entire strip! One of my favorites ever, I think. Especially the line “Your OWN rules, not everybody else’s.”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*

*

*

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.