178

Card
Posted on May 8, 2012 by David M Willis
Holy crap, you guys! We funded the Dumbing of Age book in 3 days! You are insanely awesome. ...so that leaves us with 28 more days of funding until the fundraising period is over. ...so I guess let's now try to raise enough to also reprint Shortpacked! Book 1? It's out of print, you see.  *crosses fingers*

178 thoughts on “Card”

  1. Doom shepherd

    Shipping Joyce and Roz now.

    1. Twisted Two-face

      Been shipping them since before the comic even *started*

    2. Plasma Mongoose

      Ship them to where? Abu Dhabi?

      1. Yotomoe

        if they are, I’m sure there’s a cute grey cat who can help them get back.

        1. TheBenenator

          Sorry, my cute grey cat is having sinus problems.

          Also, he thinks he’s a dog with a funny accent.

        2. Aizat

          Cute? Ponies are cute, kittens are cute, heck even certain kinds of Digimon are cute. Nermal is just sickening…….ly cute and annoying.

  2. Jen Aside

    SLUT COVENS OH NOES

    This is what people get for trying to care, Joyce =/

    1. Yotomoe

      Joyce, like Robin, gives me sympathy whiplash.

  3. David Herbert

    The card is for a massage parlour that offers happy endings.

    1. Rognik

      … How does that even work for a woman?

      Wait, don’t tell me. I really don’t want to know.

      1. Blob Marley

        The clitoris is a lie! Female orgasms don’t exist! I’m telling you, it’s all made up!!!

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          Cosmo magazine lied to us? How is that possible?

        2. Yotomoe

          Cosmo magazine is a conspiracy. keeping women in the dark..they don’t realize their true potential.

        3. Blob Marley

          The biggest lie in Cosmo is that they keep claiming to have new content.

        4. Plasma Mongoose

          ^ QFT

        5. Khrene Cleaver

          Does that mean quote fuckin truth?

        6. I.care.0

          @Cleaver

          Quoted for Truth

        7. MrSmiley

          @I.care.0
          always thought it was
          “Quite fucking true”

        8. Steven

          Remove the word “new” and you’d be correct.

        9. Erienne

          Remove the word “correct” and you’d be

        10. Aizat

          Female orgasms are a lie? NOOOO- Wait, why am I worried again?

        11. Krashthemystro

          Oh Blob sweetheart they exist keep trying.

        12. Blob Marley

          Oh, sure, that’s what *they* want you to think. But I know you’re all robots!

        13. madd

          We also shoot bullets from our boobs, but don’t tell anyone I let you in on that.

        14. Blob Marley

          Machine gun jubblies? How did I miss those?

      2. Tandel

        The hand can accomplish many things. It is the most versatile tool there is. Except maybe a Leatherman.

        1. Blob Marley

          Harry Dresden once mentioned a Swiss Army Hand. Best of both worlds? I think so.

        2. TheBenenator

          It can’t replace WD-40 or duct tape!

        3. Zap Rowsdower

          Those do not go with most forms of sex.

          Granted, there are noted exceptions, but not the kind you want someone like Joyce to be jumping right into.

        4. Khrene Cleaver

          Your letting you’re avatar go to waste

        5. Zap Rowsdower

          Dude, I’m not saying not to bone her, I’m saying to save the kinky stuff for once she’s gotten over the awe of the basic service.

        6. Kintrex

          Your homophones are swapped.

        7. Roborat

          Leatherman? That could be painfull, unless there is a model with special attachements that I am not aware of.

        8. madd

          Like the Sawzall.

  4. Sensedog

    I don’t know why, but I am loving the second panel.

    1. Zap Rowsdower

      It is so perfect for avatars and it-seemed-witty-when-made-it captioning. SO PERFECT.

  5. Plasma Mongoose

    Awww they really do loave each other…

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      loave=loathe

      1. Yotomoe

        they are breaded quite nicely for eachother.

        1. Rognik

          Seems appropriate for a slice-of-life comic.

        2. Yotomoe

          It’s at yeast a comedy of errors.

        3. Blob Marley

          “C’mon guys, this pun thread is crumbling,” said Blob ryely.

        4. Yotomoe

          It’s crust a little harmless fun

        5. Stephen Bierce

          This thread is so baked.

        6. Plasma Mongoose

          Puns like these make me feel all toasty inside.

        7. Yotomoe

          I knew you’d Rise to the ocassion. Let’s call for a toast.

        8. Plasma Mongoose

          Are you trying to butter me up? 😛

        9. fellixe

          Yes! A toast! Everyone, up off your buns!

        10. Yotomoe

          there’s muffin to be shy about.

        11. Blob Marley

          Easy for you to say, cupcake.

        12. Yotomoe

          I knead you to be more positive Blob.

        13. Plasma Mongoose

          I knead to express myself in a wholemeal way.

        14. Wizard

          Here we go, loafing around again…

        15. Plasma Mongoose

          What a rye sense of humour you got.

        16. Historyman68

          Challa back, y’all

        17. Historyman68

          What a horrible pun. What matzah I been thinking?

        18. Zap Rowsdower

          I honestly donut know.

        19. Yotomoe

          That pun takes the cake

      2. Leorale

        I just assumed you were going for a love/loathe portmanteau.

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          I wish I did now, but I just could not remember for a few minutes how to spell loathe correctly.

    2. Zorpheus

      I’ll keel ya all, and burn your houses to cinders.

  6. Leorale

    I like how Joyce is holding her books defensively.

    And it would be a good idea for her to talk things out. Which character from other universes has yet to appear?

    1. Sensedog

      …Faz?

      And I hope that this guess on my part is off.

      1. I.care.0

        Faz as a Therapist would be hilarious.

        1. Kernanator

          I’m sorry, I can’t help but laugh at Faz as a therapist.

    2. Doctor_Who

      PLEASE let it be Reagan. I want a whole subplot where Joyce insists that her therapist is a dead president, only for everyone else to be convinced that now she really NEEDS a therapist.

      1. Undrave

        That would awesome. Plus I bet Joyce would find Reagan reassuring!

    3. Null Set

      Ninja Rick.

    4. Historyman68

      Malaya would make an awesomely blunt therapist.

    5. Wack'd

      Howard. “You need to ask yourself what Captain Kirk would do in this situation.”

  7. Azumango

    Guys. Roz is a wizard. A PARTY WIZARD.

    1. Blob Marley

      Does that mean she hangs out with Party Pat and/or Jake? Because Jake is a party animal, and Party Pat, well…

  8. Yotomoe

    Roz goes to the Coven of Condomia. It allows the lord to touch his deciples without the need to come inside you.

    1. fellixe

      Isis, Astarte, Diana, here’s a condom for your banana.

    2. madd

      Don’t you mean without the need to pull out?

  9. Mkvenner

    I want to strangle Joyce now.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      OOOOOL autoerotique affixation!

      1. Blob Marley

        *asphyxiation.

        Is your gravatar that girl from Azumanga? With the detachable hair wooblies?

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          No it is not Chiyo-chan from Azumanga, it is Jasmine the Steel-type Gym-leader from Pokemon.

        2. Blob Marley

          Ah. Must be from one of those newfangled third-gen pokemans things. I’m a dinosaur who stuck with Gen 1, so… rawr.

        3. Yotomoe

          2nd gen ya silly. My fave

        4. Blob Marley

          I stand corrected. Still, the only ones I really spent any time on were Red and Fire Red.

        5. Aizat

          I would love to play Gen’s 4 and 5 but sadly I have no DS and DesMume lags and slows down my computer except when it’s playing the Ace Attorney series.

        6. Plasma Mongoose

          Jasmine is 2nd Gen, I don’t know much about the 4th & 5th Gen chatacters.

        7. SkepticJ

          Nope, that would be Chiyo-chan.

        8. SkepticJ

          Apologies for the double post and reply past its usefulness…

          /shame

        9. SkepticJ

          Nope, that is not Chiyo-chan.

  10. Wonder Wig

    It seemed heartless of Roz to offer her a card to go see ‘The Rapist.’

    1. Yotomoe

      I know right? It seems counter productive.

    2. Plasma Mongoose

      Imagine if this therapist was Ryan…

      1. Yotomoe

        After this incident, I’d imagine Joyce’d have Sarah on speed dial…or at least Sarah’s bat

      2. Wonder Wig

        I imagined Joe with a big fake beard like Sokka’s from Avatar.

        1. Blob Marley

          Best.
          Visual.
          Ever.

        2. Plasma Mongoose

          Sokka with beard

        3. Blob Marley

          Flameo, hotman!

        4. Aizat

          That’s not Sokka with a beard, that’s WANG FIRE, HERO OF THE FIRE NATION!

        5. TacosForever

          All the ladies would find Joe even more attractive.

        6. tornflames

          Cannot. Resist.

      3. Yotomoe

        He might be a Fullonrapist (philanthropist)

    3. TacosForever

      At least it’s not an Analrapist.

    4. Aizat

      Or worse “The Analrapist”.

    5. lawzlo

      Dr. Fünke is the world’s first combination analyst and therapist…

      An analrapist, if you will.

      1. lawzlo

        Damn it, I didn’t scroll down far enough to see that TacosForever and Aizat had already beaten me to it.

        Well done, sirs.

  11. Rognik

    All the really CLASSY covens have cards. It’s only the uncouth ones that dance around in the woods naked.

    1. Shade

      I know right? The heathens!

      1. Kryss LaBryn

        Naw, that’s Wiccans. Heathens don’t have covens; we have kindreds and we usually only get naked in hot tubs. 😉

        We do often have cards, though… All the CLASSY ones, anyways. 😀

        1. das-g

          But do they have classy cards? Discordians do.

  12. DiDi

    Oh for the love of–

    Really, Joyce? Really?

  13. Blob Marley

    A *professional* coven. With business cards and everything!

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      “Join our coven and you won’t end up with a bun in the oven.”

      1. Yotomoe

        “We accept membership fees in souls, or anything we can take to cash for gold. we also except Visa and MasterCard.

        1. TheBenenator

          I cannot make an exception:
          Your grammar gets no acceptation.
          Hope you get this with good reception,
          And ruminate without a conniption.

          …I hope I did that right, I’m no English major. 8~/

        2. Blob Marley

          Acceptation is not a thing. 😛

        3. AngryBamboo

          And conniption kind of is a stretch to rhyme with reception. It messes up your meter and flow.

        4. AngryBamboo

          And conniption kind of is a stretch to rhyme with reception. It messes up your meter and flow.

        5. begbert2

          Acceptificationitude is at thing, though, right?

          If not, it should be.

        6. TheBenenator

          I beg to differ:
          http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/acceptation

        7. TheBenenator

          And yeah, I did mess it up. But it *IS* a real word, and has been since the 15th century.

          It’s just used as infrequently as “spoony”.

      2. Aizat

        Join the coven, they said. It’ll be fun, they said.

  14. Yotomoe

    I’m sorry but…I can see Roz as a witch…she’s the hot one…why in every gaggle of witches is there always a hot one?

    1. Blob Marley

      That’s the bait. Once they’ve got you hooked, BAM! Coven full of Angler Fish. But with more dental problems.

  15. Ryan Balis

    you could raise enough to print It’s Walky!!

    1. TheBenenator

      +1

      1. I.care.0

        +2

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          =3

  16. Alechsa

    Wait wait wait… I thought Joyce was Catholic, not a Scientologist…

    1. David

      She is neither!

      1. Yotomoe

        due to your gravitar, I can’t help but read that as extremely excitedly and upbeat.

        1. Blob Marley

          I just thought of Walky’s Butt Taco shirt. “She is both and neither!”

      2. Blob Marley

        Yeah, she’s one of those really strict Protestant branches. Any relation to Mennonites? I know a guy who was raised Mennonite. Twenty-five years later and he’s still messed up because of it.

        1. WFSW32

          Mennonite? Most of the Mennonites I’ve met have been pretty nice people.
          You sure you aren’t thinking of ‘Methodist?’

        2. madd

          Might be confusing them with Mormons … the live in closed communities, marry minors, toss out their young men kind that I keep seeing tv programs about.

        3. Blob Marley

          No, it was definitely Mennonite.

      3. TacosForever

        I thought she was nondenominational, right? She said her family went to a nondenominational church, I think.

        1. lawzlo

          I’m not certain how nondenominational churches work, exactly. Does a church being “nondenominational” mean that people who attend that church are likewise nondenominational, or does it mean that members of any Christian denomination can worship at that church?

          Also, am I the only one who keeps typing “nondemoninational” by accident? I bear no ill will toward nondenominational… -ism? it’s just an easy typo to make.

        2. David

          Nondenominational just means they’re an independent entity which is not formally attached to a ruling body or any other church. They make their own doctrinal rules and policies and whatnot without having to answer to a pope or an archdeacon or whatever.

        3. lawzlo

          How is that different from being your own, independent, very small denomination? Now I’m even more confused.

        4. Blob Marley

          The difference, as I understand it, is whether your organization has an authority structure beyond the walls of your church. Usually “denomination” means you’ve got a number of churches answering to one united authority on doctrine.

  17. L

    I was wrong. Well, gotta hand it to Roz, she wasn’t nearly as scummy as I thought she’d be.

    1. Lone Wolf

      Yeah, looks like I may have misjudged her earlier.

      1. invisiblemoose

        Someone who thought the worst of Roz in spite of context of her actions??! Take a number.

  18. Bekah

    Yay! The DeSanto family may have one less complete piece of shit! Now, as long as their dad remains Schrodinger’s Piece of Shit, I’ll be happy enough.

    1. Blob Marley

      You don’t know if it’s gonna stink until you take a whiff.

  19. MentalMister

    Willis showing us how to load a Chekov’s gun.
    Joyce, throughout this comic, has some hilarious faces X)

  20. Krashthemystro

    Huh, I have a feeling Roz went through something simular to what Joyce blundered through. Heres’ hoping they all come out better people.

  21. Mike

    Yes I have a coven. The Easy Bay Coven. We serve muffins and cupcakes at all meetings.

  22. Jasmine

    Aww, I knew Roz would pull through. Seriously, I like her so much more in this universe!

  23. nothri

    Okay. Still don’t like Roz, but she gets a few more points.

  24. John Madden

    Somehow I don’t think Joyce knows what a coven is, only that its ‘full of godless heathens’.

    1. begbert2

      I’m sure she knows perfectly well that a coven is a group of practicing witches.

      That cast spells. And worship the devil. And have lots of nudity and sexytimes.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        …all while playing D&D like it is protraited in Chick Tracts.

  25. aaron_bourque

    That the card is for an “Analrapist” doesn’t help your case, Roz!

    1. aaron_bourque

      . . . the avatar choices can’t be random . . .

      1. 13thprotector

        Yeah, I’m kinda wondering how that all works.

  26. 13thprotector

    I never did like people who think too much in the box when it comes down to religion, if you don’t have an open mind, then you’ll never experience anything, and be lost in the eons of life without moving an inch(or centimeter if you’re metric).

  27. Cherry

    I knew I liked Roz.

    1. Chibi Squirt

      I didn’t know I did. Silver lining, I guess.

  28. Roborat

    Boy, Joyce’s hand sure healed fast.

    1. PinkiePiecrust

      I love your gravitar.

  29. weehhh

    Who else read Joyce’s last line as if she was possessed?

  30. Foxhack

    Completely unrelated, the site’s ads are telling me to go to Australia for college again.

    Dropbears, man.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      We have a lot of asian students going to our world-class colleges and unis cos it’s cheaper than learning at home with the survival training that comes from having to avoid being killed by our Aussie wildlife.

      1. ASP3CT

        Like drop bears?

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          Yes also toilet spiders, blue-ring octopi, white-pointers, many of the world’s most poisonous snakes, saltwater crocs, Irukandji jellyfish, baby-eating dingos, Tasmanian devils and buskers.

    2. explodingdragon

      The ads work off information your browser stores. Clear out your browsing history, cookies and data cache, it’ll reset what the ads display. Then don’t click the links for Australian colleges and they won’t think you’re interested.

  31. TheStranger

    Hey, DW: if one were, hypothetically, to start Kicking, when does the payment come due? The estimated ship date, or somewhere in between the end of the Kickstarter and that estimated ship date?

    1. Jen Aside

      Kickstarter uses Amazon Payments to charge your card at the time of funding [at the end of the project fundraising period if goal is met]

  32. agentksilver

    Hmm, what are the odds it’s a Planned Parenthood card?

    1. David

      If it were, Joyce would recognize it and be stomping it on the ground already.

  33. LiC

    Its interesting how the one person who was at the party, but knew nothing about what happened, is the only person who’s actually doing something sensible to help Joyce.

    1. madd

      I’m telling you, people had Roz pegged completely wrong on this one. I expected nothing less from her.

  34. Beachfox

    I have to admit, my opinion of DA!Roz is turning out 180 degrees different from my opinion of SP!Roz.

    Just… Damn, girl. Can we get you into the real world? I’ve officially hit the age where it’s Creepy when I try to give college girls advise about counseling after overhearing conversations.

  35. DragoonChris

    Roz doesn’t seen the villain in this universe. 1st, she isn’t allow to have sex because her sis wants to stay in power which made Robin look like the villain instead and now this.

  36. wooskie

    I’m going through a routine archive crawl of old strips, and I’ve gotta say I really like Roz in this universe. She seems a bit… over-eager in the way sex-positive advocates can often be, but her intentions are definitely in the right place. And it’s really nice to see a character in a good webcomic take a strong stance against slut shaming.

    1. Lis

      I love that Roz just hands her the card. I think that given her relationship with Joyce this is the best thing. Not a lecture on calling the cops not offering her own shoulder to cry on. Just letting her know that there is anonymous help out there without asking what happened.

      1. rachel

        Yeah this is really great on a re-read, I agree.

    2. Rheios

      I tend to see her as rather self-righteous, a bit judgmental, and kindof lacking in forethought. MAYBE a bit assholy at times but she’s not “evil” or anything. Deep down she’s decent and seems rather brave. Her personality isn’t likeable to me personally though.

      1. Reaver

        It sorta sounds like you just described Joyce

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*

*

*

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.