I think the shock of that might send her into a coma, and this comic is already soap opera-y enough after Billy and Ruth’s last storyline.
Sageress
Make it happen.
Mr. Random
The only way out is for everyone to perform a musical.
And they have to do it in the hospital room.
And if they don’t sell enough tickets, the dolphin orphanage is going to get turned into a swimming pool! For Sharks!
They are in the Bible, though. There’s a number of creationist apologetics for this, ranging from “They meant elasmotherium” to “it’s a mistranslation of deer” to my favorite, “there were unicorns back then, now they’re extinct.” But the real explanation, the Bible was written by people who believed in unicorns because they didn’t know any better, wouldn’t cross Joyce’s head.
WTF?! How can anyone read that passage and honestly think a magical horse thingie was meant instead of an ox of some kind?! Seriously, when the hell was the last time anyone used a UNICORN to plough their fields and to help gather the harvest in, instead of oxen?
Whoever translated that back when was a moron. The moreso because back then they were STILL USING OXEN TO DO IT.
A unicorn? Seriously? Sheesh.
Cybersnark
Yeah, unicorns don’t do manual labour.
That’s what Earth ponies are for.
ForceUser
You are my hero
Ben
Hey, I like to believe there used to be, or even still are, unicorns and it has nothing to do with my religion. I just think a world in which magical beings exist is more interesting than one without them, and that’s the kind of world I want to live in.
RadtheCad
Unfortunately, wishing something were real doesn’t make it so.
I wish Sorcery existed- doesn’t mean it does. What I wish or beleive changes no part of reality.
(Well, except for what I wish was real. That /is/ influenced by what I wish was real.)
vonnegut
I love your av for this comment.
begbert2
I’d like to be *able* to believe in fantastic fun things that don’t exist; unfortunately I don’t have control over what I believe. I’m not mentally capable of forcing myself to believe things that fly counter to all evidence and reality. (A problem that probably stems from not taking enough drugs or religion in my youth.)
So, sadly, as a rational adult I must settle for awesome real things to admire, like the entertainment value of modern cartoon or the engineering of a modern transformer.
tom
Naw, I take a lot of drugs, and I still don’t believe in shit that flies counter to all evidence and reality.
Believing a one-horned horse existed isn’t a stretch. Almost all species die without a trace.
The “magic” part though…
QD
The translation of the word as “unicorn” is just legit terrible. I think it goes back to the vulgate which is not today held in high esteem as far as accurate translations go. The real answer is that we have absolutely no idea what the Hebrew word means, it’s been lost. Just as likely it referred to some other equally silly mythic animal, but to claim that the ancient Hebrews believed in European unicorns is just really ignorant.
My favorite creationist argument is that it refers to TRICERATOPS.
Kryss LaBryn
I’m still pulling for it to be a misinterpretation of the description of a rhinoceros, which I thought was a pretty widely-accepted origin for unicorns–something like a big horse but with cloven feet (which I’m thinking toes can be loosely interpreted as if you aren’t that close), but with a tail like a donkey’s, a big horn on its head, and really bad-tempered and it will trample you to death if you don’t have a virgin to subdue it? Sounds pretty bang-on to me, albeit the hunting method is likely to just lead to a lot of pancaked virgins; but they’ve always been considered sort of magical; there’s areas right now that believe unprotected sex with a virgin will cure AIDS.
Poor virgins. Please, won’t someone think of the virgins!
vonnegut
After much contemplation, there is no way to respond with ” *I* am thinking of the virgins!” without being creepy.
Aljash
But, I /am/ thinking of the virgins
Robin
I am thinking of the virgins.
Emily
To be fair, having a triceratops plow your fields would be awesome.
HMRC4EVR
in all the above posts, replace Unicorn with Unicron.
Now Y’see, the problem with the comments section on this comic is there are just so many media that can be references all the way back to Rough ‘n’ Reddy and “Hercules and the Magic Ring” that figuring out subtle puns takes forever even with the more recent media…
According to legend, only a female virgin can calm and domesticate a unicorn. That is why, in the Dumbiverse, we need to keep Joyce chaste, naive, and unsullied — so that if there *ARE* in fact unicorns, we will have someone capable of dealing with them.
I’m pretty sure Amber’s still got her V-card, if only due to technical difficulties with her attempts to turn it in to date. Forget Joyce… Amazi-Girl on a unicorn.
Or, if “unicorn” really means “triceratops”, I’m betting Dina’s a virgin.
Then, she turns around, opens her drower and says “Dorothy, my dear ? I’m feeling playfull right now.”
In the bed behind her, a half-awake dorothy turns her head and smiles when she sees the toy Joyce has taken from the drawer…
Christopher Durang’s play “Titanic” has a very funny bit involving a person playing with a strap-on while no one’s paying attention to them. The background dialogue goes “I’m a unicorn! Now I’m Cyrano de Bergerac!”
As a gay man, I must say that a strap on is no replacement for a penis. Often, they are too flappy, too long, or too cold. In addition, you can’t suck them, and they don’t give off the same… satisfying end during anal sex.
As a man married to a woman, I must say that a strapon is way better than a total lack of anal stimulation. For those unable / unwilling to have sex with men, strapons are awesome.
225 thoughts on “Makeover”
Mr. Random
Oh, Joyce, you dirty pervert.
Mr K
She needs to take a sex ed course.
Tunaro
I think the shock of that might send her into a coma, and this comic is already soap opera-y enough after Billy and Ruth’s last storyline.
Sageress
Make it happen.
Mr. Random
The only way out is for everyone to perform a musical.
And they have to do it in the hospital room.
And if they don’t sell enough tickets, the dolphin orphanage is going to get turned into a swimming pool! For Sharks!
Beige
pretty sure the dolphin’s won’t mind that to much
dolphins pray on sharks afterall
Gigafreak
Meanwhile in another universe…
N0083rP00F
O M G {snerk} …… [pant wheeze gasp] … I forgot about that one
TPman
I don’t think she’s ready for the kind of sex course that would cover strap-ons.
Brady
In what universe does sex ed discuss strap-ons?
Jen Aside
THOSE STRAP-ON HOODIES
Jay Eff
Joyce also has a suction hoodie.
Sageress
Velcro pants.
Plasma Mongoose
Velcro pants: perfect for those people who really REALLY love sheep. :3
Tunaro
How the Hell do the conversations in these comments keep ending up feeding Rule 35?
Plasma Mongoose
Practice, practice, practice. ^_^
Parnifia the Bastard
The best practice.
Giw
Like the one worn by Joyce in the avatar of user Kernanator?
djhash
I have to admit. I only got the joke after reading your comment!
Willis!!!! WILLIS!! I’m SAWWRRREEE!
David Herbert
She could wear a strap on to turn herself into a unicorn.
Chris_Fleming
Unicorns aren’t taught in Sunday school. Won’t fly with her. lolz
Salmo
They are in the Bible, though. There’s a number of creationist apologetics for this, ranging from “They meant elasmotherium” to “it’s a mistranslation of deer” to my favorite, “there were unicorns back then, now they’re extinct.” But the real explanation, the Bible was written by people who believed in unicorns because they didn’t know any better, wouldn’t cross Joyce’s head.
Evil Midnight Lurker
It’s not just creationist apologetics, or even religious people, who make those claims: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Re%27em
Kryss LaBryn
WTF?! How can anyone read that passage and honestly think a magical horse thingie was meant instead of an ox of some kind?! Seriously, when the hell was the last time anyone used a UNICORN to plough their fields and to help gather the harvest in, instead of oxen?
Whoever translated that back when was a moron. The moreso because back then they were STILL USING OXEN TO DO IT.
A unicorn? Seriously? Sheesh.
Cybersnark
Yeah, unicorns don’t do manual labour.
That’s what Earth ponies are for.
ForceUser
You are my hero
Ben
Hey, I like to believe there used to be, or even still are, unicorns and it has nothing to do with my religion. I just think a world in which magical beings exist is more interesting than one without them, and that’s the kind of world I want to live in.
RadtheCad
Unfortunately, wishing something were real doesn’t make it so.
I wish Sorcery existed- doesn’t mean it does. What I wish or beleive changes no part of reality.
(Well, except for what I wish was real. That /is/ influenced by what I wish was real.)
vonnegut
I love your av for this comment.
begbert2
I’d like to be *able* to believe in fantastic fun things that don’t exist; unfortunately I don’t have control over what I believe. I’m not mentally capable of forcing myself to believe things that fly counter to all evidence and reality. (A problem that probably stems from not taking enough drugs or religion in my youth.)
So, sadly, as a rational adult I must settle for awesome real things to admire, like the entertainment value of modern cartoon or the engineering of a modern transformer.
tom
Naw, I take a lot of drugs, and I still don’t believe in shit that flies counter to all evidence and reality.
Thomas Wrobel
Believing a one-horned horse existed isn’t a stretch. Almost all species die without a trace.
The “magic” part though…
QD
The translation of the word as “unicorn” is just legit terrible. I think it goes back to the vulgate which is not today held in high esteem as far as accurate translations go. The real answer is that we have absolutely no idea what the Hebrew word means, it’s been lost. Just as likely it referred to some other equally silly mythic animal, but to claim that the ancient Hebrews believed in European unicorns is just really ignorant.
My favorite creationist argument is that it refers to TRICERATOPS.
Kryss LaBryn
I’m still pulling for it to be a misinterpretation of the description of a rhinoceros, which I thought was a pretty widely-accepted origin for unicorns–something like a big horse but with cloven feet (which I’m thinking toes can be loosely interpreted as if you aren’t that close), but with a tail like a donkey’s, a big horn on its head, and really bad-tempered and it will trample you to death if you don’t have a virgin to subdue it? Sounds pretty bang-on to me, albeit the hunting method is likely to just lead to a lot of pancaked virgins; but they’ve always been considered sort of magical; there’s areas right now that believe unprotected sex with a virgin will cure AIDS.
Poor virgins. Please, won’t someone think of the virgins!
vonnegut
After much contemplation, there is no way to respond with ” *I* am thinking of the virgins!” without being creepy.
Aljash
But, I /am/ thinking of the virgins
Robin
I am thinking of the virgins.
Emily
To be fair, having a triceratops plow your fields would be awesome.
HMRC4EVR
in all the above posts, replace Unicorn with Unicron.
Evil Midnight Lurker
A team of triceratops is even better. Earthshaker Plow FTW!
http://kingofdragonpass.wikia.com/wiki/Earthshaker_Plow_Team
Yotomoe
Kernenator. We need you.
The Candyman
*Flashes the condom signal*
Plasma Mongoose
A fetish like that is a real rarity. ^_^
jatman18
haha i see what you did there!!^^b
Doctor_Who
Took me a minute. Then I ಠ_ಠ.
Plasma Mongoose
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Opus the Poet
Now Y’see, the problem with the comments section on this comic is there are just so many media that can be references all the way back to Rough ‘n’ Reddy and “Hercules and the Magic Ring” that figuring out subtle puns takes forever even with the more recent media…
Rex Hondo
Away! And take your clopping jokes with you!
Bill
According to legend, only a female virgin can calm and domesticate a unicorn. That is why, in the Dumbiverse, we need to keep Joyce chaste, naive, and unsullied — so that if there *ARE* in fact unicorns, we will have someone capable of dealing with them.
HMRC4EVR
Virgin Sentai Uniranger?
John
I’m pretty sure Amber’s still got her V-card, if only due to technical difficulties with her attempts to turn it in to date. Forget Joyce… Amazi-Girl on a unicorn.
Or, if “unicorn” really means “triceratops”, I’m betting Dina’s a virgin.
Opus the Poet
Given her crippling shyness around males that is an unfair bet.
takashid
oh joyce
Mr K
Sarah can’t get over her fetish for girls in Hoodie Dresses.
Yotomoe
30 years later Joyce suddenly gets it and blushes intensely*
Jay Eff
I hope she has pearls by then.
So she can clutch ’em.
Leonou
Then, she turns around, opens her drower and says “Dorothy, my dear ? I’m feeling playfull right now.”
In the bed behind her, a half-awake dorothy turns her head and smiles when she sees the toy Joyce has taken from the drawer…
DSL
“Optimus Dex,” the latest action figure collectible from the Transformers-Monkey Master crossover series …
begbert2
I would have thought that ‘Optimus Master’ would have been the more obvious mashup. Or are you one of those Alien Not Munkee types?
Tunaro
And now I’m gonna be thinking of dildo unicorns all night. Way to fucking go Willis, I hope you’re happy.
TPman
Somehow I think he is.
N0083rP00F
Better than a http://fc05.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2012/120/5/e/raging_killer_chainsaw_unicorn___t_shirt_design_by_hyshinara-d4y2lwj.jpg
Wonder Wig
But… but Joyce…. you could be a strap-on unicorn…
Giw
Does that count as giving head?
Giw again
Look at that avatar of user Kernanator
Salmo
Christopher Durang’s play “Titanic” has a very funny bit involving a person playing with a strap-on while no one’s paying attention to them. The background dialogue goes “I’m a unicorn! Now I’m Cyrano de Bergerac!”
Super Duper
As a gay man, I must say that a strap on is no replacement for a penis. Often, they are too flappy, too long, or too cold. In addition, you can’t suck them, and they don’t give off the same… satisfying end during anal sex.
Yotomoe
NOW I KNOW! And knowing is half the battle.
Plasma Mongoose
I bet the Japanese have already created the perfect artificial cock that can make any normal human feel inadequate.
Ancestral Hamster
I’m sure you are right. However, I refuse to look for it in the Japanese eStores I occasionally shop at.
Opus the Poet
Yes, yes they have. And you can’t afford it.
mudder
As a man married to a woman, I must say that a strapon is way better than a total lack of anal stimulation. For those unable / unwilling to have sex with men, strapons are awesome.
AJBulldis
Oh my goodness panel 2 is just the cutest panel ever. Also that ponytail in general is a great look for Joyce.
-Sentinel-