First thing I thought of when I read your comment was “oh they’re talking about COVID” and then I saw “at night” and I instantly felt better. For some reason I prefer people being in danger of getting beat up versus COVID being part of the Dumbiverse.
Being outside is better than being inside, with covid, other things being equal. More so in the day when the sun’s UV light actually kills the virus, but cold weather when people are inside more is when all kinds of viruses spread.
It’s a great idea, but not particularly feasible in this case. While Joe can worry about Mike, Mike’s not going to stop haunting Amber while he does so.
It’s an interesting proposition. Losing a friend, especially the way Amber did can cause a lot of grief especially when you feel like it was your fault they died. Sort of an indirect responsibility for either not protecting them or in Amber’s case, her dad did the deed. The thing about this pain is that there’s a level of deniability. You can try to convince yourself that it is not your fault and honestly that is a justifiable thing people can back you up on.
The pain Joe is feeling specifically that he’s sorta been a scumbag most of his life. I wouldn’t say nobody’s in his corner but nobody has high expectations for him. And he has to worry that he will never be able to be anything than a scumbag in the eyes of people. Or even worse, what if he can’t stop being a scumbag and ends up hurting the people he loves. It’s the opposite of a deniable pain. It’s a responsible pain. He has to admit that the way he’s acted isn’t the best and he fears that he won’t be able to change that. I can imagine in comparison to that self loathing, losing someone and learning to not blame yourself might feel preferable, because at least you don’t HAVE to admit that you’re a shit person that sucks to process that.
I mean still not something I’d say out loud. Particularly to the grieving party.
He’s not really being serious anyway. Trading your pain for someone else’s isn’t actually a thing that’s humanly possible. The closest you can get is piling someone else’s pain on top of yours.
By the same token, nobody died because Joe was a dick. Mike would not have died if he wasn’t friends with Amber, and Amber might have been able to prevent his death had she made different choices. That’s not an easy thing to shake.
My thought process for that is that every single decision you make in life changes the course of how you’ll die. Saying “he wouldn’t be dead if he didn’t know me” is…a guess. We will never know because he DID know you. Hell maybe if he never met Amber he would’ve just wandered into traffic one day by accident. Death is inevitable and every choice we make just changes how and when it comes. I’m not saying that’s the headspace Amber is in but that’s probably something a therapist could work out with her.
Thag Simmons
Your friend dying trying to protect you from your evil dad is very inarguably a “he died because he knew me” scenario, and I don’t think the logic you describe would actually do anything to alleviate the feelings of guilt.
But Amber’s grief is layered with and bleeding through her beliefs that she’s a monster (stabbing Sal, turning Ryan into a Crazy Golf course with his knife, beating up her dad, being nasty to Dan…), feelings of responsibility (her dad, her fight, her tuition causing him to completely lose the plot, her DID delaying the point before anybody knew about this) – and I think the problem is when you feel responsible for something it doesn’t matter if you’re blaming yourself for action or inaction, you feel like it is your fault. Amazigirl wasn’t able to defeat Ball-Peen Mad Dad and his ToeDad sidekick single-handedly and Mike died tackling her mess for her. And Mike thought of her as a friend and she probably didn’t always think kindly towards him (not undeservedly, but guilt and he saved her and she didn’t save him and she was supposed to be the one saving people as an atonement and therefore she feels that she has proof she isn’t/wasn’t good enough, and therefore that she didn’t recognise his capacity for self-sacrifice is further “proof” of her inadequacy in her mind)…
I’m not dismissing Joe’s feelings of not being good enough but his issues are considerably less complicated than Amber’s.
However I do think they could be good for each other. Joe sees the good in Amber and I don’t think he’s going to give up on her or let her push him away. Amber desperately needs that. Conversely, she may be able to provide a sense of perspective for him. Being a womaniser is pretty shitty, and yeah Dr Dick hurt Joe’s mother doing the dirty on her – but he didn’t emotionally, physically and financially abuse her. He didn’t probably cheat on her with the teenager who babysat his kid. He wasn’t a lower-ranking mobster. He didn’t destroy his child’s mental stability. He isn’t a kidnapper or murderer… Dr Dick has one big flaw and he’s plausibly showing he’s recognised it and intends to do better with Amber’s mum. It’s only been a few months and they’re already married but arguably taking on Amber as a stepchild who he’s welcoming into the family open-heartedly (and with the pending court case and tuition fees etc, open-walletedly) is an even bigger commitment. And while “hot younger woman he’s very sexually compatible with” definitely plays into things, he clearly also cares about Stacey as a person, and wants to be a good partner to her. It’s way too early for Joe to believe he’s changed, but with time Dr Dick may be able to convince Joe by example that it’s never too late to decide to do and be better.
I shed no tears over rapist Ryan shedding skin and blood. He was there to hurt people and he got hurt instead.
Miri
Me either! But Amber made it very clear that she was NOT Amazigirl and that was WHY she was able to keep on inflicting serious damage after he had been neutralised. It was a vicious enough attack to freak out Dorothy who would almost certainly not have been underestimating the level of threat he posed before Amber taught him fear and pain. AMBER thought her level of response made her a monster.
BBCC
In fairness, I think Dorothy would have been horrified at ANY amount of stabbing. We’re also not shown what happened so it’s hard to say if he’d been neutralized or not. All we know is the police filed it as self defence.
While it’s certainly possible something’s changed, everything we saw of Richard last semester showed that he hadn’t realized or addressed anything. He wasn’t feeling the urge to cheat, so it wasn’t ever going to be a problem.
Miri
He told Joe that it’s different with her and that he feels really protective of her, after everything her mob stooge ex put her through, when Joe went off on him about how he was jumping in dick first, incapable of commitment, etc.
Not saying I believe he’s no longer viewing all women through a sexualised lens, has addressed his impulse control issues, fully acknowledged how much his behaviour hurt Joe’s mum or the damage seeing all that left on Joe, etc – but I do think he’s aware his behaviour wasn’t OK, that Joe’s still upset with him because of the pain he caused Joe’s mum, and that if he wants Stacey to be happy with him long-term, that means he needs to be faithful (or if she’s open to swinging/a poly relationship, they need to have clear guidelines and open communication for that to work)…
thejeff
Yeah, he said “she’s, like, fifteen years younger than me and super hot”.
I read it as he thinks he’s found someone who’ll keep him so interested he won’t want to cheat, so he doesn’t have to address any of his problems. He’s found the right woman now, so he doesn’t have to do anything else.
Wait, something is wrong here. A disturbance in the force like a billion voices cried out in pain and were suddenly cut off. Ok, I was too lazy to look it up but you all know what I mean.
1) Joe, you should’ve gotten yourself a hot beverage! You look so cold!
2) Their frosty breath gave me a feeling of “wrongness” for a split-second; I eventually identified that feeling as discomfort with unmasked faces in a convenience store. Thanks, coronavirus. You don’t exist in DoA, so leave me alone
Amber definitely has something going on, and would probably find group therapy or one-on-one psychological help beneficial. She has to get over her “I am the world’s most burdened individual and nobody else in the world is even remotely equipped to deal with me” attitude to be receptive enough to take that step, though. Blaine wins as long as she maintains that mindset.
Uh…. I’d be a little careful of categorizing her thinking in that binary.
Therapists are a total crapshoot, and even if they DID know about DID, clinical psychology as it is is HARDLY an exact science, and categories and interrelationships of conditions and neurodivergence are changing all the time like an ancient fucking maze or something (a necessity, given how this kind of science started out in a VERY bad place).
If she makes the choice NOT to take that risk with therapy, it’s HER choice, not her father’s.
Besides, what’s a win for him now? You can’t celebrate or cash in victories when you’re DEAD.
It takes a while to find the right therapist, but I eventually did, and we click well enough. I’ve recently been telling her about media I relate to. She’s tried Bojack Horseman and found it “inane,” but loves Arcane and Tuca and Bertie.
120 thoughts on “Regarding”
Nono
Okay, I’m wary any time we have people outside at night now.
JBento
These are big beefy Joe and hyper competent fighter Amber, though. Who are you wary for, their attackers?
Clif
Have no fear. Night Guy is patrolling the area.
Probably.
Torrent29
I’d hope he’d be keeping Lucy warm! It looks cold out there
crow
Why would Night Guy need to keep Walky’s girlfriend warm?
Jeff
Night Guy is clearly Ultracar, they have a heater, very useful for keeping people warm!
Colonel Shinless
First thing I thought of when I read your comment was “oh they’re talking about COVID” and then I saw “at night” and I instantly felt better. For some reason I prefer people being in danger of getting beat up versus COVID being part of the Dumbiverse.
Clif
Being outside is better than being inside, with covid, other things being equal. More so in the day when the sun’s UV light actually kills the virus, but cold weather when people are inside more is when all kinds of viruses spread.
egg egg
Unfortunately, it’s only like 5pm for Amber and Joe right now! The night is cold and long.
Sirksome
It’s a little more than dead friend grief. That’s really just the icing on what is a multi-layer cake of neurosis.
Thag Simmons
Yeah, like she says, boiling cauldron of issues where dead friend is simply the most recent addition
ThunderNight
the icing on the cauldron
Clif
Well put.
Pilgrim
Yes, but don’t assume Joe would know that. He’s only aware of the stuff he’s witnessed.
The Wellerman
I sometimes wonder if there’s ever a bottom to MY cauldron. ?
The Wellerman
*EVEN a bottom.
Oh, look, some stupid stuff bubbled up right there. ?
Pilgrim
It is not stupid, “ever” or “even” are both perfectly valid and grammatically correct ways to express the sentiment.
Delicious Taffy
Even the Black Crochan had a bottom. You just need to find a small furry creature to befriend.
Rose by Any Other Name
**captain America Meme**
“I got that reference.”
Also, that movie thoroughly traumatized me as a child.
J. Gawain
I blame that movie for my interest in D&D and pretty much all things fantasy.
Delicious Taffy
There’s a movie?
Michael Haneline
Depends on your definition of movie.
Stifyn Baker
You’d need the right sort of crunchings and munchings.
Ryek Hvek
like Scabs™ and new BBQ Scabs™
misanthropope
there’s no bottom. but most of what’s in there is remarkably okay, ok?
let me suggest you treat yourself the way you’d like to treat other people.
Kyrik Michalowski
Well it isn’t a terrible idea to switch problems, maybe you ca reach find a solution for the other.
Likelihood is low since this isn’t smarting of age, but there is still a chance.
Deanatay
It’s a great idea, but not particularly feasible in this case. While Joe can worry about Mike, Mike’s not going to stop haunting Amber while he does so.
Thag Simmons
Always love when characters have a dynamic where each takes turns being the voice of reason
RassilonTDavros
Huh. Wonder how poorly this is gonna go.
Thag Simmons
I don’t think it’s a serious suggestion, and this is probably the end of the scene.
The Wellerman
Uh… check the blurry preview on Patreon.
Thag Simmons
Usually when I make a wrong guess it takes a little longer to be proven incorrect.
BBCC
These two make me glad their parents got married.
Slartibeast Button, BIA
TheAnxietyExchange(tm)? Is there an app for that?
The Wellerman
If only my programming powers can quell my anxieties…
Jon
This should go well.
alongcameaspider
Joe’s trying but he’s woefully underequiped to help Amber with her problems
RedCat
Yet somehow still better than Amber.
Needfuldoer
They’re both very trying.
Yotomoe
It’s an interesting proposition. Losing a friend, especially the way Amber did can cause a lot of grief especially when you feel like it was your fault they died. Sort of an indirect responsibility for either not protecting them or in Amber’s case, her dad did the deed. The thing about this pain is that there’s a level of deniability. You can try to convince yourself that it is not your fault and honestly that is a justifiable thing people can back you up on.
The pain Joe is feeling specifically that he’s sorta been a scumbag most of his life. I wouldn’t say nobody’s in his corner but nobody has high expectations for him. And he has to worry that he will never be able to be anything than a scumbag in the eyes of people. Or even worse, what if he can’t stop being a scumbag and ends up hurting the people he loves. It’s the opposite of a deniable pain. It’s a responsible pain. He has to admit that the way he’s acted isn’t the best and he fears that he won’t be able to change that. I can imagine in comparison to that self loathing, losing someone and learning to not blame yourself might feel preferable, because at least you don’t HAVE to admit that you’re a shit person that sucks to process that.
I mean still not something I’d say out loud. Particularly to the grieving party.
Sporky
He’s not really being serious anyway. Trading your pain for someone else’s isn’t actually a thing that’s humanly possible. The closest you can get is piling someone else’s pain on top of yours.
The Wellerman
Trading is not possible, as far as I know.
But long ago, I used to be able to transmute my anxiety radiations, into a passion for science.
It was a flow-state where I lost all sense of time and self, where I had intense focus. It was a cognitive euphoria SUPER NOVA.
For some reason, I haven’t been able to do this for a very long time.
On top of everything else, sometimes I wonder if I’ve lost the spark, and worry that I’ll never be able to experience this brain power ever again ???
The Wellerman
It’s been SO LONG. I feel AWFUL.
I JUST WANNA FEEL LIKE MYSELF AGAIN!!! ???
sultryglebe
It is harder to establish flow with all the extra stress of these times. That doesn’t mean it is gone forever. I hope you find it again soon.
Leorale
+1, what saltyglebe says. ?
Leorale
(Or sultryglebe, I was typing without glasses. Salty and sultry can be in agreement regarding the glebe.)
Thag Simmons
By the same token, nobody died because Joe was a dick. Mike would not have died if he wasn’t friends with Amber, and Amber might have been able to prevent his death had she made different choices. That’s not an easy thing to shake.
Yotomoe
My thought process for that is that every single decision you make in life changes the course of how you’ll die. Saying “he wouldn’t be dead if he didn’t know me” is…a guess. We will never know because he DID know you. Hell maybe if he never met Amber he would’ve just wandered into traffic one day by accident. Death is inevitable and every choice we make just changes how and when it comes. I’m not saying that’s the headspace Amber is in but that’s probably something a therapist could work out with her.
Thag Simmons
Your friend dying trying to protect you from your evil dad is very inarguably a “he died because he knew me” scenario, and I don’t think the logic you describe would actually do anything to alleviate the feelings of guilt.
Miri
But Amber’s grief is layered with and bleeding through her beliefs that she’s a monster (stabbing Sal, turning Ryan into a Crazy Golf course with his knife, beating up her dad, being nasty to Dan…), feelings of responsibility (her dad, her fight, her tuition causing him to completely lose the plot, her DID delaying the point before anybody knew about this) – and I think the problem is when you feel responsible for something it doesn’t matter if you’re blaming yourself for action or inaction, you feel like it is your fault. Amazigirl wasn’t able to defeat Ball-Peen Mad Dad and his ToeDad sidekick single-handedly and Mike died tackling her mess for her. And Mike thought of her as a friend and she probably didn’t always think kindly towards him (not undeservedly, but guilt and he saved her and she didn’t save him and she was supposed to be the one saving people as an atonement and therefore she feels that she has proof she isn’t/wasn’t good enough, and therefore that she didn’t recognise his capacity for self-sacrifice is further “proof” of her inadequacy in her mind)…
I’m not dismissing Joe’s feelings of not being good enough but his issues are considerably less complicated than Amber’s.
However I do think they could be good for each other. Joe sees the good in Amber and I don’t think he’s going to give up on her or let her push him away. Amber desperately needs that. Conversely, she may be able to provide a sense of perspective for him. Being a womaniser is pretty shitty, and yeah Dr Dick hurt Joe’s mother doing the dirty on her – but he didn’t emotionally, physically and financially abuse her. He didn’t probably cheat on her with the teenager who babysat his kid. He wasn’t a lower-ranking mobster. He didn’t destroy his child’s mental stability. He isn’t a kidnapper or murderer… Dr Dick has one big flaw and he’s plausibly showing he’s recognised it and intends to do better with Amber’s mum. It’s only been a few months and they’re already married but arguably taking on Amber as a stepchild who he’s welcoming into the family open-heartedly (and with the pending court case and tuition fees etc, open-walletedly) is an even bigger commitment. And while “hot younger woman he’s very sexually compatible with” definitely plays into things, he clearly also cares about Stacey as a person, and wants to be a good partner to her. It’s way too early for Joe to believe he’s changed, but with time Dr Dick may be able to convince Joe by example that it’s never too late to decide to do and be better.
Opus the Poet
I shed no tears over rapist Ryan shedding skin and blood. He was there to hurt people and he got hurt instead.
Miri
Me either! But Amber made it very clear that she was NOT Amazigirl and that was WHY she was able to keep on inflicting serious damage after he had been neutralised. It was a vicious enough attack to freak out Dorothy who would almost certainly not have been underestimating the level of threat he posed before Amber taught him fear and pain. AMBER thought her level of response made her a monster.
BBCC
In fairness, I think Dorothy would have been horrified at ANY amount of stabbing. We’re also not shown what happened so it’s hard to say if he’d been neutralized or not. All we know is the police filed it as self defence.
thejeff
While it’s certainly possible something’s changed, everything we saw of Richard last semester showed that he hadn’t realized or addressed anything. He wasn’t feeling the urge to cheat, so it wasn’t ever going to be a problem.
Miri
He told Joe that it’s different with her and that he feels really protective of her, after everything her mob stooge ex put her through, when Joe went off on him about how he was jumping in dick first, incapable of commitment, etc.
Not saying I believe he’s no longer viewing all women through a sexualised lens, has addressed his impulse control issues, fully acknowledged how much his behaviour hurt Joe’s mum or the damage seeing all that left on Joe, etc – but I do think he’s aware his behaviour wasn’t OK, that Joe’s still upset with him because of the pain he caused Joe’s mum, and that if he wants Stacey to be happy with him long-term, that means he needs to be faithful (or if she’s open to swinging/a poly relationship, they need to have clear guidelines and open communication for that to work)…
thejeff
Yeah, he said “she’s, like, fifteen years younger than me and super hot”.
I read it as he thinks he’s found someone who’ll keep him so interested he won’t want to cheat, so he doesn’t have to address any of his problems. He’s found the right woman now, so he doesn’t have to do anything else.
LiterallyJustSomeGuy
Re: Joyce! The end is nigh!
JBento
The end is HIGH. On multivitamins.
Clif
This end up.
ktbear
Wait, something is wrong here. A disturbance in the force like a billion voices cried out in pain and were suddenly cut off. Ok, I was too lazy to look it up but you all know what I mean.
RacingTurtle
1) Joe, you should’ve gotten yourself a hot beverage! You look so cold!
2) Their frosty breath gave me a feeling of “wrongness” for a split-second; I eventually identified that feeling as discomfort with unmasked faces in a convenience store. Thanks, coronavirus. You don’t exist in DoA, so leave me alone
Carla's #2 Fan
Lots of people say RE in a sentence like in an email! I know I picked it up from hearing others do it.
Clif
I do it, but I do it semi-ironically.
Rani
Has anyone armchair diagnosed Sarah with schizoid personality disorder yet?
Segnosaur
Sarah? Why her? She is a bit anti-social but i cannot recal any evidence of mental illness.
Or did you mean to say if Amber was diagnosed?
The Wellerman
Frankly I am sick and tired of you humans and your tendency to label personalities as mental disorders ?
Needfuldoer
Amber definitely has something going on, and would probably find group therapy or one-on-one psychological help beneficial. She has to get over her “I am the world’s most burdened individual and nobody else in the world is even remotely equipped to deal with me” attitude to be receptive enough to take that step, though. Blaine wins as long as she maintains that mindset.
The Wellerman
Uh…. I’d be a little careful of categorizing her thinking in that binary.
Therapists are a total crapshoot, and even if they DID know about DID, clinical psychology as it is is HARDLY an exact science, and categories and interrelationships of conditions and neurodivergence are changing all the time like an ancient fucking maze or something (a necessity, given how this kind of science started out in a VERY bad place).
If she makes the choice NOT to take that risk with therapy, it’s HER choice, not her father’s.
Besides, what’s a win for him now? You can’t celebrate or cash in victories when you’re DEAD.
Twitcher
It takes a while to find the right therapist, but I eventually did, and we click well enough. I’ve recently been telling her about media I relate to. She’s tried Bojack Horseman and found it “inane,” but loves Arcane and Tuca and Bertie.
The Wellerman
Ooo! I LOVE Tuca and Bertie!!!!
In all honesty, that show’s been more calming and assuring to me than any therapist I’ve met, which is really saying something ?