194

Floor
Posted on April 21, 2011 by David M Willis

194 thoughts on “Floor”

  1. Jen Aside

    Mike’s been strangely quiet… and squinty.

    1. Derek

      Mike’s trying to make friends. That’s why he’s been keeping his mouth shut.

      1. DarkVeghetta

        BLASPHEMY. Mike is merely plotting. ALWAYS plotting.

  2. David Herbert

    Is she crushing on Ethan? Oh dear, this can’t be good.

    1. Heavy E

      This is going to end awesome!

      1. calendarman27

        the absolute best part, is that Ethan is so damn polite, he’ll indulge her and even marry her eventually just to spare her feelings

        1. Rognik

          Maybe not THAT far, but yeah, this could be a major plot for a while.

      2. Captain Patch

        Gay and Jewish, how is she going to handle this one? Mike’s fists may not endure the onslaught that shall result.

        1. Shift

          I honestly think Mike not get physically involved. Instead he might try and make think that Ethan is totally in love with her, so that way, when the realization that he’s gay dawns on her, Mike can have a front row seat to the meltdown.

        2. Random Webcomics Junkie

          I don’t see that happening, actually. Mike is a jerk, but he’s not evil. Breaking innocent Joyce’s heart isn’t his style. He’ll think the whole thing is hilarious and might even orchestrate the come-out at a crucial moment, but I really don’t think he’d actively try to convince her Ethan was in love with her.

          Not that he’d need to. Joyce still doesn’t know the difference between a crush and twue love.

        3. DarkVeghetta

          Why act when they’ll hang themselves? Mike just needs to observe and enjoy.

        4. Usayasha

          I think that Mike should DEFINITELY get physically involved. With Ethan. For a nickel. With his penis.
          Then they’ll get married, adopt a kid, and Ethan will be a mommy. It all fits together in the grand scheme of things.

    2. DragonWings

      It all depends. If Ethan is gay in this comic, it’s gonna be interesting as hell.

      1. Coppermouth

        Congratulations, DragonWings, you’ve been tweeted about.

      2. Loki

        IF Ethan is gay? Have you read the last few comics at ALL?!!

        1. DrDVD

          asking if ethan is gay is like asking if mike is impolite

        2. Aydr

          o_O Is amazi-girl criticizing herself?

        3. DrDVD

          amazi-girl is saving the day

      3. Shift

        Umm… yeah, you might want to read the character bios DragonWings.

        1. James

          Or, you know, the last week or so of comics.

        2. DarkVeghetta

          Or just take ONE look at Ethan, at ANY point in time.

  3. Gnoka

    I think Mike’s trying to warn him that Joyce is crazy.

    1. Rognik

      Actually, I think it’s more of a “What are you doing? Why are you leading her on?” If Joyce had decided to hit on Mike, and he was gay (not saying that he isn’t), Mike would shoot her down there and then. Instead, Joyce will be going to her room to write “Mr. and Mrs. Ethan Siegal” on her notebook.

      1. Eolirin

        No he wouldn’t. He’d shoot her down whenever was most appropriate to cause the maximum amount of suffering.

      2. TheStranger

        Eh, I’d think Mike would actually approve of leading her on, knowing that the crushing-of-souls would be the payoff.

        1. Jonny The Eyepatch

          He’d probably take her all the way to the altar, -then- break it to her. This -is- Mike we’re talking about.

        2. James

          This is Mike. He’d do or say something specifically to make Ethan feel like a douche for leading on Joyce, but also disrupt any attempts on Ethan’s part of come clean until the worst possible moment.

          And he’d manage to involve Joe, Sal, or Robin as well as some sort of alleged love triangle. Cause… Mike.

    2. AndysDrawings

      He’s trying to decide whether Ethan has actually noticed Joyce was interested or not. This will determine his course of evil.

    3. Björn

      He’s got that look that says “You! You’re supposed to be GAY!”

      OK, not really, but I just wanted an excuse to link to that page.

    4. creativerealms

      But that would be very un-mike like of him.

    5. Deimir

      Mike is angry (well, specfically, angry at Ethan at this particular moment) because he knows how this potential relationship will turn out, and he thinks that Ethan is horning in on his soul-crushing action!

  4. Cha

    Mike’s trying to warn you, Ethan. Didn’t your mother teach you not to talk to strangers?

  5. Paranoia

    That face Joyce is making…oh my.

    1. Henry

      Her faaaaaaaaaace?

      1. Undrave

        FAAAAAACE!

  6. Katosen27

    Oh dear…an overly religious girl is crushing on a gay guy.

    This will not end well.

    1. Ragnal

      Hilarity must ensue. For when a quirky situation is in your hands, it is law to run with it as comedy.

    2. George

      A gay Jewish guy, at that.

      1. ShireNomad

        What is it with her and Jewish guys in this universe?

        1. taekwondogirl

          Well the guy she wants to marry would fit the description of a mensch.

        2. Shift

          Well, for Joyce, not accepting Jesus as their savior and as the son of God is rather bad. So, anyone of the Jewish persuasion would be essentially “the bad boy”.

          And you know that stereotype about woman and how they are supposed to always want the “Bad Boy/rebel” and think “I can change him”?

          Well, Jewish Guys are the nearest sort of thing in regards to that stereotype that Joyce probably can handle.

        3. Lokitsu

          “Once you try Jew, you’ll never be through
          …trying Jew”

          Err- that worked out much better in my head.

      2. Björn

        Are any of the girls Jewish, or have we only heard about guys yet?

        1. Lokitsu

          That’s a good question. I can’t think of any female jewish characters and I’ve been reading since IW

      3. Engelfire

        It’s like she’s magnetically attracted to people that are incompatible with her.

    3. Shift

      I hope when Joyce tries to hang out with Ethan, she doesn’t bring Mike as a chaperon. Cuz, when she finds out he’s spent the entire night checking out Mike or other guys, the resulting beatings he’ll suffer from the both of them could be a considered a hate crime.

      Of course with Mike, he hates everyone so, that’s kinda moot.

  7. nitpicker

    Dear lord. It’ll take us 3 years just to finish with storylines of Joyce crushing on the entire male cast, sequentially.

    1. Henry

      Except, at this rate, Walky.

    2. Lokitsu

      3 years real time, week and a half comic time.

      Joyce, what a tramp.

  8. kagato23

    Oh man… Poor Dumb universe Joyce.

    Meeting an Athesist broke her temporarily.

    What will happen when her luvvvv can’t cure gay?

    1. AndysDrawings

      She’ll just get Jesus to do it!

    2. Björn

      Maybe Ethan can be flexible so long as it isn’t with Robin.

      (Yeah, I know Ethan hadn’t realized he was gay at that point. But he sure seemed to enjoy it nonetheless. I think he’s a bit bi.)

    3. DaniellePhantom

      i’m going to be really upset if we find out joyce is a homophobe.

      1. calendarman27

        if she didn’t hate dorothy for being athiest or joe for being jewish, she most likely won’t hate ethan for liking the dudes, she might try to “save” him or “rehabillitate” him, but thats a whole other set of problems.

        1. Shift

          Agreed. She’ll probably say a lot of really offensive stuff, but it won’t be with the intent of being cruel, but rather her just parroting everything she was taught growing up. She’ll probably alienate Ethan, but all with the intent of “saving his soul” and trying to get him to go to one of those “straight camps”

        2. DaniellePhantom

          what’s a “straight camp”?

        3. Shift

          It’s a camp often run by assorted religious groups that try and force gay men and/or woman into being straight. They use the method of “pray the gay away”.

          Most of these camps are aimed at gay teenagers, and they are forced into go by their family. But there are others that are aimed at self-loathing gay adults.

          Essentially they try and force their campers into denying who they really are with judgment and inducing self-hatred. Although there are those who claim success stories about “learning to be straight” they are few and far between.

        4. Yue Ryong

          …Russell Brand?

  9. turkishproverb

    You can just tell Mike is trying to find the best way to incorporate Ethan into breaking Joyce’s mind completely.

    Mind you, I still maintain that Mike is a multiversal Singularity.

  10. arjay2813

    everyone seems to be setting themselves up perfectly to be messed w/by mike in some way. its amazing how you’ve managed that

    1. Henry

      The reason we have yet to see Ninja Rick so far is because they’ve been combined here. Now Ninja Mike is sneaking into everyone’s lives. And then being Mike.

  11. MadarFoxfire

    The faces (FAAAAAAACES?) in panel three are glorious. Ethan does not know what he has wrought.

  12. Hello, Mr. Anderson

    Mike knows.

    1. AndysDrawings

      … what evil lurks in the hearts of men?

  13. Merco

    I feel like Mike is about to sneeze or something in the last panel. Is he allergic to Joyce? That wouldn’t surprise me.

  14. RaijinK

    Never mind the gay thing, what is it with Joyce and jewish guys now?

  15. JackNapier

    Joyce is in for a rude awakening (again).

  16. Tarpo

    Eagerly awaiting the Joyce trying to cure Ethan of The Gay arc.

    1. ProtonCon

      But isn’t the curing of the gay ideal is he needs to get laid to ungay?

      1. Seerow

        Which makes it even more interesting. Will Joyce see it as the lesser of two evils to have pre-marital sex to save an otherwise good guys soul from hell? Only time will tell!

        Disclaimer: My comment is meant from Joyce’s perspective and does not reflect my personal views on any individual’s sexual preferences. No I don’t think you’re actually going to hell. No, I don’t think that being gay counts as a strike against you being a good person.

        1. JDX

          I saw that movie. Real funny. Called Saved.

          [Seriously, that’s the premise. Religious girl has sex with guy to turn him straight cos’ Jesus told her to, fails, ends up pregnant.]

        2. Maveric1984

          “But I’m a Cheerleader!” is another good movie in the same vein. Of course part of the pleasure was at the gay camp one of the boys made me say “hey I know that voice… That’s Zuko!”

        3. daughterofthestars

          I appreciate this comment more than you know. And now I want to watch that movie.

        4. Janette

          That is a great move. 😀

      2. George

        While Saved! was a great movie, the real “solution” tends to involve more electricity and mental trauma and fewer pool-induced hallucinations.

        1. Lokitsu

          “Now, you can either have sex with Mandy Moore or we can subject you to a series of electric shocks, your choice.”

  17. addude

    Well at least this time Joyce doesn’t have to worry about the guy trying to get into her pants

    1. Peace in Our Time

      unless this universe’s Ethan is in to crossdressing…

      1. Lokitsu

        Doubtful, unless Joyce has a Batgirl costume.

  18. Kamino Neko

    Goddess, the look on Mike’s face…

  19. Matt of Steel

    Ethan uses being male on Joyce. It’s super effective!
    Joyce uses being female on Ethan. It has no effect.

    Mike uses nickel on your mom. Holy crap … that’s effective.

    1. Ridureyu

      Joyce faints!

  20. Plasma Mongoose

    Mike going to have an embolism if this keeps up.

  21. Janette

    Now she’ll cure him of homosexuality.

    And fail. Miserably. And make more funny faces.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      The best way to cure is by using salt or smoke.

      1. begbert2

        I know how you do it with smoke, but how do you kill somebody with salt?

        1. Ancestral Hamster

          Not to put words in Plasma Mongoose’s mouth, but if you forcefeed enough salt to the victim the dehydration (caused by increased urination as the body tries to rid itself of the salt) will kill them eventually.

          The non-fiction book Unbroken involved the subject and two of the surviving flight crew being adrift in the south Pacific in WWII, the author explained why one can’t drink salt water. The body gets X amount of water, but uses (roughly) 2X in getting rid of the salt. [That’s not exact since my copy isn’t handy.]

        2. Rognik

          I hate to explain a joke, but I believe Plasma Mongoose was referring to curing meat, ie. preserving it. Salted meat is one way to cure it, and smoked meat is another. Thus, we will be curing Ethan with salt and smoke.

        3. Ancestral Hamster

          Yes, I know, but begbert2 was asking about how to kill with salt.

          Originally I was going to add a cannibalism joke to my previous comment. That might have prevented the confusion.

          “Donner, party of twenty?” “Donner, party of sixteen?” “Donner, party of fourteen?” …

        4. Rognik

          A possibility.
          On the cannibalism, though: “You’re too late. Everyone’s eaten.”

        5. Plasma Mongoose

          You are correct, I was hoping that someone would catch my meaning.

        6. Plasma Mongoose

          I did wonder at times why salt water was bad for you and you answered that question quite nicely.

      2. Lokitsu

        The problem with smoke or salt curing is they tend to be jerks afterwards.

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          More jerky than jerk anyway. ^_^

  22. DiDi

    This could be either really funny or really sad.

    Religion aside, it’s likely to crush her. I’m certain of it.

  23. Jetstream

    You magnificent bastard! You’re delaying the mind shattering, while making it even more deliciously squicky!

  24. K

    I’m going to be optimistic and assume this will be a good growing experience for Joyce… and hilarious.

  25. Gabe

    M-m-mix those messages like a DJ Ethan!

  26. Yitz

    This… this is a problem.

    1. goatman95111

      This will be either sad, or funny as hell. Or it will be sad, with the intent of driving Joyce closer to Walky.

      1. Shift

        Or just really awkward, depending on how Joyce reacts. I mean if she goes off on the “evils” of man-man loving when she finds out the truth…

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          Personaly, I would like her to become a Christain Yaoi Fangirl, but somehow I don’t believe that wish will come true.

        2. Shift

          For some reason that makes me think of Fan Fictions involving Jesus and St. Peter giving into boy-boy lust the night before the last supper.

          Excuse me. Satan is here and he’s got a hand-basket nicely decorated for me.

  27. wnderjif

    i wonder, does the bechdel test fail if one or both parties is a hermaprodite/surgicallay changed gender person?

  28. Breeze

    I can tell I’m tired, because I missed the crush subtext and thought Mike was giving Ethan that look because Ethan made up his last name (even though the Cast page tells me he didn’t, which makes this line of thought even more ridiculous).

    I should probably be sleeping instead of doing my homework…

    1. Undrave

      Nah Mike just never cared to learn Ethan’s family name and just heard it for the first time and he’s confused about how it sounds like ‘seagull’… or he thinks Ethan is related to Steven Segal, which is just as troubling if not more.

  29. knowwonattawl

    AND SO IT BEGINS!

  30. Wigmy

    Wow she is having terrible luck finding Mr. Christian Husband, first Joe who is Jewish and now Ethan who is Jewish and Gay. College is going to have a fun impact on her, that is if she doesn’t have a nervous breakdown first.

    1. TheStranger

      Next effort: Jewish and transgender.

      1. Viktoria

        Atheist and Female.

        Or, somewhat more likely and worse for her long-term mental health, Mike.

        1. TheStranger

          So, what, Atheist and Asshole?

        2. begbert2

          Mike believes whatever will bother you most.

        3. Zachinhat

          Scientology?

  31. Joebo

    Called it, hilarity may now ensue.

  32. Sporkaganza

    I always thought it was Siegel. I guess it doesn’t really make a lot of difference, though.

  33. Parismio

    Ah, wow. mike looks like he’s givin the” Wtf dude why are you leading her on” face. Either that or it’s the “Dude your world is about to get fucked in the faaaaaace for a nickel…..also I did your mom”.

  34. Lee

    I sense impending disaster. Let the train wreck commence.

  35. ProtonCon

    In super strict terms I don’t think the bible says anything about dating a gay guy. Oh sure it frowns upon being gay but…

    1. daughterofthestars

      Sure, there’s nothing wrong with dating him, but remember the importance of babies.

  36. shoeboxjeddy

    Ha ha ha, she is so barking up the wrong trees. If Faz exists in DOA, I’m guessing she’ll give him a shot after she figures out some interesting facts about Ethan…

    1. Rognik

      Some things are just too cruel, though…

    2. Ancestral Hamster

      Heh heh heh. How evil …

  37. Kater

    Oh Mike… It’s like a train is about to crash into a preschool for rabbits and you’re the only one who can see it.

    Time for Popcorn

  38. Plasma Mongoose

    What better way to find out which way Ethan swings by having him & Joyce go out with each other.

    1. Shift

      You do know that it’s already been established that Ethan swings towards the male-male persuasion, as explicitly stated in the characters bios for DOA, right?

      1. TheStranger

        Never mind the Ethan-and-Amber conversation from the other day.

      2. Plasma Mongoose

        I meant to say is; What better way for everyone to find out which way Ethan swings than to have him and Joyce date?

        1. Shift

          Again… everyone KNOWS which way he swings. He even stated it in the comic “I’m Gay”.

        2. Plasma Mongoose

          I know he came out of the closet in Shortpacked! but as far as I am aware, he hasn’t done so yet in DoA or did I miss a comic somewhere?

        3. John

          you missed a comic somewhere. Like, last week. Where he yelled he was gay.

        4. Shift

          Yeah, you definitely missed a comic where he’s says “I’m Gay”: http://www.dumbingofage.com/2011/comic/book-1/04-the-bechdel-test/awkward/

        5. f.p.

          Who knows. In the Walkyverse Ethan started out as evidently straight, and then finding out the he’s actually gay. Maybe this one starts out evidently gay and finds out he’s straight? Willis isn’t above doing somethig like that just to screw with us.

          Plus, why is Ethan making Walky eyes at Joyce?

  39. Locke

    Mike is internally grappling with allowing Ethan to fall into the crazy trap, causing him anguish, or berate him for missing the signs that Joyce might be crushing on him, making all future encounters with her painfully awkward, thus causing him anguish. Or Mike just wants to punch Ethan for talking crap about him. Probably the latter.

  40. luke

    I’m curious if she’ll try to get Mike to attack him too =X

  41. Heather

    I’m starting to wonder if Joyce will ask him to ‘hang out’ and Ethan will assume she means in a friendship capacity.

    Joyce thinks his lack of interest in other ladies and lack of pushing for sex endearing.

    Then she eventually decides to take the initative and kisses/tries to kiss him. Awkwardness insues.

    1. Heather

      Or alternatively Ethan asks HER to hang out and she jumps to conclusions.

      1. Ancestral Hamster

        Joyce doesn’t jump to Conclusions, she lives there.

        1. Lokitsu

          Well said.

        2. Ancestral Hamster

          Thank you!

  42. Zem

    What’s wrong with being called Siegal?

    1. Tristan J

      EVERYTHING

  43. Syd

    Maybe Mike will chaperon their date.

    Expect much face punching.

  44. Shift

    So is this going to be a regular thing? Joyce tries to date every guys in the cast, until at last she’s gone through them all and the only person left willing to deal with her and straight is Walky?

    I know that a woman who sleeps with every guy they meet is considered a slut. And a girl who goes out with every guy and tempts them with sex, but never actually does it, is considered a cock tease. But what do you call a woman who tries to date every guy she meets in the hopes of marriage, all the while never offering up any hint of sexual interest and trying to convert you to their faith?

    1. DigiM29

      A missionary.

    2. Random dude

      You call her Joyce.

    3. The Aussie Bloke

      Crazy

    4. rali

      crazy 😀

    5. Roborat

      Alone. . . forever

    6. Pat

      You don’t need a name for a category that has one person in it.

  45. Chickalupe

    Mike’s face in the last panel says, “What are ya, stupid or sumthin’?” much better than words ever could.

  46. RabidBunny

    ……a Madam for Jesus?

  47. Kelsey

    OH NO. SHE HAS THAT LOOK.

    1. Matt_M

      na na na na na
      na na na na na
      na-na na na na na
      na na na na na
      na-na na na na na
      She’s got the look

      1. Loki

        Tasty like a raindrop, she’s got the look

      2. Kamino Neko

        … Damn you.

  48. Bryn

    Mike shows Ethan his Popeye impression!

  49. Animal

    This is known as “barking up the wrong tree.”

  50. Ethan

    Well, Willis said he isn’t on planning on putting Joyce and Walky together in this crazy alternate universe, (I’m pretty sure I remember him saying something like that.) so Ethan might not be gay in this one.

    1. David

      I throw my hands up in the air.

    2. begbert2

      It’s quite amazing how many people in this thread have overlooked the incontrovertible evidence that Ethan is gay in DoA.

      1. Loki

        Yeah, like his CAST DESCRIPTION and mentioning it “on screen” in the last WEEK.

        As I said on today’s news item, I feel like some people need a caption floating around Ethan that says: “This is Ethan. He’s gay! Gay gay gay.”

    3. Loki

      Hooray! You’re so clueless that between you and other folk, Willis ended up putting up a really silly news post!

      Aside from today’s news item, please read this: http://www.dumbingofage.com/cast/attachment/castethan/

    4. Shift

      …seriously? Please tell me you’re doing this as provocation and aren’t really serious.

    5. Lokitsu

      To everyone who says that Joyce is unrealistic in her self-delusions:

      I offer Exhibit A

  51. Ezzy

    I do not like that look.

  52. ProtonCon

    Ethan’s gay. Cut print admitted. HOWEVER, so is Shortpacked Ethan.

    And he still boned Conquest and Amber. Does DoA Ethan still have his two girl tokens or did he burn them already.

    Also three comments on one comic is like a record for me or something.

    1. Kamino Neko

      SP! Ethan didn’t realize it until after sleeping with Connie, and was more concerned about Roadblock when he was doing it with Amber.

      DOA Ethan realized it the same night he (may or may not have) slept with Amber. (It’s not entirely clear at what point in the proceedings he realized he was gay.)

      1. CWR

        And was Mike, like, IN the hotel room with them or what? He kept bringing it up like he was reminiscing about a shared experience…

        1. Kamino Neko

          Well, what better way to cap off prom night than a three-way. >_>

  53. hiimmatt

    So, Joyce is a man in this universe?

  54. TheDoctor

    Looks like the Joyce in this Universe is letting “Anti-Joyce” out to play a little and not being so timid and shy with Ethan. I hope joyce brings out those Knee-high Boots and jeans if they go out, rrrRAWRrrr.

  55. xo

    scheming joyce scares me

  56. xo

    btw is that mikes ‘are you really that dense ?’ face ?

  57. agentksilver

    Called it!

    And Joyce likes those tall Jewish guys, huh?

    1. agentksilver

      Also Joyce is going to go through the entire male population of IU at this rate.

    2. Trae Dorn

      Dammit! You posted while I was typing! 😛

  58. Trae Dorn

    So DoA Joyce is really into tall Jewish dudes.

  59. Bill M.

    Wow. Joyce’s “Mr. Right”-dar is seriously on the fritz. She needs to get that fixed, or Faz is her next date after Ethan.

    1. Henry

      It can’t be that broken.

  60. Jabberwocky

    I can’t wait to see Joyce’s face when she learns Ethan is gay. Bet it’ll be even better than her “Dorothy is an atheist” face.

    1. begbert2

      It’ll be worse – she’ll see it as an insult and a betrayal. (Especially if she happens to think it’s a choice, like most Christians I know do.)

  61. Peace in Our Time

    It just occurred to me that Joyce is Fundi-Joe.

    With her bible.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Does that mean that she is going to ‘Joyce’ Ethan with her Bible while twittering his mum with Bible verses FOR A NICKEL?

  62. Zap

    Wait, so, is Ethan gay? I don’t understand.

    1. dchorror

      Being gay doesn’t mean he can’t like making friends.

    2. XLR

      I’m assuming you never read shortpacked.
      And yes he is gay, though I fail to understand why that matters in this situation.

  63. luke

    Oh, Mikes cocked brow looks like the square root sign hahaha

  64. Saretto

    uh oh.. mikes formulating plans

  65. Henry

    Scheming Joyce is scheming.

  66. aaron_bourque

    MIKE: Are you SURE you’re gay? ‘Cause you flirt with every girl you meet and almost had sex with one, and . . . .

    1. dchorror

      Almost?

  67. Kelsey

    ETHAN STOP BEING SO PRECIOUS. YOU’RE ONLY ENCOURAGING HER.

  68. Magnus369

    HA! that’s just evil… Gay for amber, yet straight for joyce? and with the look that mike’s giving… Think mike would be up for chaperoning another date?

  69. Maycroft

    I guess Ethan could be bi.

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