174

New friends
Posted on November 14, 2017 by David M Willis

174 thoughts on “New friends”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    YOU CAN’T ESCAPE THEM

  2. AnvilPro

    Have Marcie and Joyce ever interacted? I feel like they would actually get along real well

    1. BBCC

      Once. Joyce said goodbye to her while she was leaving and then asked Sal for confirmation of her name.

    2. icouldntthinkofaname

      Same I feel like Marcie would be chill enough to deal with tidal wave joyce

  3. King Daniel

    What is this expression on Sal’s face

    1. Doctor_Who

      Smirth.

    2. Reltzik

      Schadenfreude.

      1. Eldritch Gentleman

        If she has to suffer Joyce, others will as well XD

      2. Amazi-Stool

        “I know what Schadenfreude is. I mean that other expression!”

        “Oh that. It’s named shitface. It’s an Iguana!”

  4. BBCC

    Joyce, honey, chill.

    And I love Sal, Marcie, and Malaya’s expressions in the last panel. Malaya is SO done and Sal is SO smugly happy here. Meanwhile Marcie’s just like ‘Stop enjoying this, Sal!’

    1. Deanatay

      I supposed I AM the sort to say it.

      CALLED IT

      1. Roborat

        I suspect somewhere around half the readership was expecting this.

  5. Teddae

    *prepares popcorn for their future interactions*

    1. spriteless

      I ship it.

  6. Reed

    friendship (noun) – a tool with which to annoy others relentlessly with.

    1. Liliet

      either you end your sentence with a preposition or you cram it awkwardly in the middle, pick one please 0.-

  7. JA

    Sal is highly amused.

    1. newllend(henryvolt)

      So am I, I couldn’t stop cracking up for the last 10 minutes.

  8. Pablo360

    OMG JOYCE NO.

    It’s MERRIAM-Webster now..

    1. drs

      Not if you use an old enough dictionary.

  9. Roger Sterling

    Challenge: identify whether you like Joyce and Lucy more, and then try not to think about any possible subtext behind your preference.

    Sub-challenge: Is Joyce a White Lucy or Lucy a Black Joyce

    Sub-sub-challenge: break the motherfucking internet.

    1. Roger Sterling

      *Joyce or Lucy

      1. Ntrovert

        Juicy… (heh)

    2. DailyBrad

      I know Joyce more by now, so I suppose her, but I do really like Lucy. she does get points for liking Starfire 😛

    3. Nono

      Lucy hasn’t made me cringe as bad as Joyce has, and she likes Teen Titans. I’m leaning Lucy for now.

      1. Roger Sterling

        Lucy was leading in the cringe contest until someone had the bright idea of dragging Joyce into a religious institution that didn’t hallow folding chairs and grape juice.

    4. Dean

      Joyce and Lucy have to be kept in separate dorms because if they ever meet, the world may end. I mean, it probably won’t. But why take the risk?

      1. Khyrin

        The world would end as they merge into Joyucy, who posses four arms, four legs, and two mouths. from one mouth an endless stream of Monkey Master and Hymmel the Hymnal quotes. from the other, a torrent of DC lore. The weight of their fandom will cause mere words to condense into a tangible liquid that will pool around them… and from that liquid… the soggies begin their conquest of this dimension.

    5. Doctor_Who

      I prefer to ship them, if only because I could call the ship “Juicy”.

      1. Nono

        But that could also refer to a Joe/Lucy ship.

    6. Reltzik

      To the best of my knowledge, Lucy hasn’t punched out a homophobic kidnapping father or helped out a serial rapist (including giving him an identifying mark). So, Joyce.

      1. Arian

        “helped *to* out…” would have been less prone to misinterpretation! 😀

        1. Oberon

          I had to read it a few times before I realized the meaning of the word “out” which was being used.

          And then I had to ponder both expressions for a while…

          “Helped out,” as in to provide assistance, also uses “out” in a strange way. I guess it could be the shortening of “Helped get out of a jam.” I considered “helped get out of your chores,” but that isn’t really getting out of doing something, just getting it done more quickly or easily.

          I couldn’t find any etymology for the phrase, but I didn’t do an exhaustive search.

    7. Andy

      They are distinctly different in terms of personality and therefore neither should be defined as a counterpart for the other.

      That said, if Malaya thinks Joyce is a white Lucy, she’s in for a surprise. As I recall, Lucy tended to let things go and carry on her merry way. Joyce is a lot more sarcastic. After a while, I think Malaya might almost enjoy trying to break and/or corrupt Joyce.

      1. Emily

        Until Sarah literally murdered her for doing so I guess.

    8. monkyvirus

      I like Lucy better. I think we’d have more in common. I think I’d just feel uncomfortable with Joyce’s religious stuff. I’m British so in-your-face Christianity is not something I’ve ever experienced, probably why Joyce alarms me.

  10. JukeboxHiro

    AAAAAAUGH! NOT THE CLICHE FRESHMAN YEAR ENGLISH PAPER INTRO!!

  11. Mr. Mendo

    So, Joyce and Lucy are Yin and Yang?

    THIS IS FAN ART THAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN, PEOPLE!

    1. dunedon

      Maybe in a slipshine … sigh, I’m going to h-e-double hockey sticks.

      1. Mr. Mendo

        It would be the most upbeat bit of Slipshine, ever! ^_^

      2. JessWitt

        Bringing up hockey sticks and you’re describing a Ruth x Billie slipshine.

    2. Nono

      I’m pretty sure this is Yin and differently coloured Yin.

      1. Mr. Mendo

        Yeah, but Yin-Yin just sounds like a Pokemon. And not one of the good ones!

      2. Reltzik

        Kinda? Yeah, they’re both female, which is yin, but they’re also both bright, sunshiny, outgoing, and friendly, which is very yang.

        1. ruhrow

          Nah, I’d never describe Yang as bright, sunny, outgoing, or friendly. How long has it been since you watched Grey’s Anatomy?

        2. BBCC

          I just saw a handful with my mom last night. They were mostly about a lady named Minnick who apparently stole someone else’s job?

        3. SgtWadeyWilson

          I was thinking Psych, and honestly, picturing Joyce cheerily assisting a serial killer isn’t as hard as I expected.

          …Lucy, on the other hand.

        4. Needfuldoer

          You know that’s right.

        5. SgtWadeyWilson

          I’ve heard it both ways.

        6. Khyrin

          Wrong Yang.
          We’re talking Ruby Rose’s Older Sister.

        7. nanha

          Yin and Yang are descriptors which work only when comparing two things. so when looking at a woman and a man the female is yin. When looking at 2 females (and at their social manner) for example Dina and Becky: Becky as outgoing would be yang and Dina yin. however when you look at how Becky followed Toedad into his car and how Dina attacked him in the woods you could say that then Becky(‘s behaviour) was yin and Dina(‘s) yang.

          Comparing Lucy and Joyce the only striking difference is (to Malaya right now) their skin colour.

  12. Dean

    “…the act of removing weeds from one’s garden.”

  13. Kernanator

    Upon finishing her speech, Joyce will then give Malaya the customary “Best Friends Forever” t-shirt.

    1. ValdVin

      “Thanks?…I’ll, I’ll…add it to my collection (of one).”

    2. SgtWadeyWilson

      Now picturing her wearing it with her current hoodie so that “Forever” is the only visible word on the shirt.

      1. Kernanator

        “Bad Forever: The Malaya Eugenio Story”

  14. Derek

    I’m breaking out in hives and retching, this is the complete opposite of endearing. Stalker Joyce is Worst Joyce

    1. Jamie

      Really? I feel like there are worse Joyces. Like ones that shout at the top of their lungs in a room full of people in order to shame someone.

      1. the final pam

        True.

        This is still pretty bad though. Joyce blatantly ignoring Malaya’s personal space and privacy is more than a bit uncomfortable for me.

      2. Emily

        Yeeeeaaaah Bigot Joyce is definitely the worst Joyce even if Matchmaker Joyce and Stalker Joyce are not particularly great.

        1. thejeff

          Though Bigot Joyce is improving more rapidly.

    2. Reltzik

      This is like 8.5 Bad-Joyces out of 10.

  15. Marsh Maryrose

    Hello New Friend!

    1. Stephen Bierce

      The Schmoo cats have already invaded the Walkyverse, so how is the Dumbiverse immune from Fluffmodii?

      1. jeffepp

        Joyce IS Flufmodious! Well, she’s the pink one, at least.

    2. ValdVin

      Joycemodius?

      Hmm…

    3. Tualha

      You beat me to it 🙂

  16. Goki

    Thank you for this….. ^____________^

  17. Passchendaele

    yay, Sal’s not-very-secret weapon. :p

  18. Stephen Bierce

    Together Forever and never to part
    Together Forever, we two
    And don’t you know I would move Heaven and Earth
    To be Together Forever with you~u!    –Rick Astley
    Malaya, don’t you know they come in Six-Packs?

  19. DarkoNeko

    Marcie seems to be tired of everyone’s sh*t

  20. Badgermole

    A White Lucy is my drink of choice.

    1. thejeff

      Sounds good. Now we just have to figure out what’s in it.

      1. anonymsly

        Vodka, sugarcane liqueur (aka cachaca) or non-spiced rum, muddled strawberries, and cream?

  21. Aislashu

    Malaya right now…”Hello darkness my old friend…”

  22. AgentKeen

    Seriously, need Lucy and Joyce to meet.

  23. chrisashtear

    Its the Jim Belushi of speech openings. It accomplishes nothing, but everyone keeps using it and nobody understands why.

    1. Nobody

      Nope, I don’t either

  24. JessWitt

    I wanna see Joyce meet Fuckface next. She’s gonna have the hardest time with his name.

    1. Inahc

      omg, yeah 🙂 entertaining and nobody has to be mean at all.

    2. Bagge

      “F-WORD-FACE!!!”

      1. No Name

        It’s already been established that she can substitute “fudge”, so probably “Fudgeface”.

        1. Deanatay

          Malaya: (smugly) And, Joyce this is… Fuckface.
          Joyce: Eh heheh… hello… um… F.. Fffu… Fudge-face!
          Malaya: NOT his name!
          Joyce: Um… Hanky-Panky-face?
          Malaya: NOPE. ‘FUCK-FACE’. Say it!
          Joyce: Um, well, I…
          Malaya: He’s my friend. Since WE’RE friends, he’s YOUR friend. A REAL friend would call their friend by name.
          Joyce *beet red*: F… ffuu… FLEEE!! *runs from room*
          *Malaya smiles smugly at glowering Sal*
          Sal: Well-played, Malaya.

        2. Bagge

          Ooooooh! Well played indeed.

        3. PB

          This was hilarious and thank you XD

        4. JessWitt

          That’s a great name. If I ever join a club, a biker gang or whatever, I’m gonna use that nickname.

        5. Roborat

          Intercourse face?

  25. JetstreamGW

    HI NEW FRIIEND!

    1. BenRG

      SAL: “She’s a good girl, Moliar.”

  26. Keulen

    Oh this is glorious. If Lucy and Joyce ever meet their combined cheerful sunniness would blind everyone for miles.

    1. Reltzik

      Seriously, Malaya should introduce the two so that they’ll be happy together and GET OFF HER BACK.

      Joyce: “Wait, you read COMIC BOOKS? I thought those were evil?”
      Lucy: “DIE!”
      Joyce: “ImightbemistakenI’vebeenwrongbefore!”

    2. JetstreamGW

      They say when you meet your doppelganger you must either fight or f***

  27. Osopescado

    Oh dear lord, not the “Webster’s dictionary defines…” Speech.

    1. SgtWadeyWilson

      I much prefer the parody version: “Urban Dictionary defines…”

  28. Mom

    And then Malaya goes to get on the list to change roommates again.

  29. brasca1

    Not quite Malaya. Lucy is big on Harry Potter and Joyce would likely consider it a gateway into the occult. So there is that difference.

    1. newllend(henryvolt)

      And yet she’s a fan of Twilight.

      1. PB

        She contains multitudes.

  30. Larkle

    What would happen if Joyce and Lucy met?

    1. Marsh Maryrose

      What happens when two perfectly-matched pieces of U-235 meet? “If the radiance of a thousand suns were to burst at once into the sky…”

      Actually, they’ll probably bond like long-lost sisters. Especially if Lucy’s church has electric guitars.

    2. StClair

      “I think that would be extraordinarily dangerous.”
      – Dr. Egon Spengler

    3. Deanatay

      “Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light.”

      1. Deanatay

        EE!! Two Egon Spengler quotes in response to this idea!

        Clearly, great minds think alike. And, those minds are Egon.

    4. BenRG

      The best way to answer that is to go to the astrophysics department and ask to see a simulation of two-close orbiting neutron stars coming into a collision.

      1. StClair

        To be fair, it is glorious.
        And best observed from a great distance. Like, another galaxy.

  31. Marsh Maryrose

    So, Marcie in panels three and four — how often have we seen her with that same neutral expression? And that prompted me to think, “The Marcie abides.”

    And then, in a more somber vein, I thought of John Singer from The Heart is a Lonely Hunter. Except for Sal and Malaya, she more or less exists to other people as a projection of their own perceptions of her, rather than as a person in her own right.

    1. Marsh Maryrose

      The curse of the unclosed HTML tag strikes again!

  32. Reltzik

    Friendship (noun): A ship big enough to carry two in fair weather, but only one in foul. — Ambrose Bierce

    1. UniqueSnowflake2

      WrongRight dictionary.

  33. Arianod

    I like this strip. This is a good strip ^^

  34. Bagge

    Ouch, Malaya is ready to physically bolt. People like Lucy and Joyce must REALLY rub her the wrong way.

    Oh, Sal. After this morning you have EARNED that smug smile. Today is apparently the day of weaponizing Joyce.

    1. JBento

      Gratz on the world cup presence!

      1. Bagge

        Thanks 🙂

  35. Peter Sadlon

    Joyce and Lucy must never meet/

    1. Antonio

      It would be the end times.

      Or they’ll hate each other.

      Most likely end times.

  36. newllend(henryvolt)

    Just wait till Malaya see’s how she greats her in the morning.

    1. BenRG

      Nah, that’s exclusively for Sarah. She’ll be more interested in the ‘brush your hair’ fixation with Sal and will probably need a lot of convincing that there isn’t some kind of romantic connection there.

      1. neeks

        She greeted Sal that way once.

        ONCE.

        1. BenRG

          Sal does use ‘brush my hair’ as an incentive to get Joyce to do things for her. It’s both cynical and, in a strange way, funny.

        2. Fart Captor

          I don’t think she’s ever suggested that. JOYCE has, but the only incentive I remember Sal offering was a ride on her motorcycle

        3. Liliet

          Twice. The second time was with Becky, because she forgot what the first time was like.

      2. ValdVin

        A healthy dose “Mirror! Morning mugs!” will put a shock into Malaya.

        http://www.dumbingofage.com/2011/comic/book-1/05-media-rumble/halfbath/

        (Borrowed from others yesterday.)

        1. ValdVin

          Autocorrect!

          “Mirrie! Morning mugs!”

        2. Deanatay

          In this case, “Mr-ruh-yuh! Morning mugs!”

  37. Gesc

    Honestly if Malaya leaves the dorm everyone would end up winning. Not that it will happen, but eh. Eh.

    1. SgtWadeyWilson

      Depends on your definition of “winning” and “everyone.”

      1. durhamtyler

        Right now I’m defining winning as reduced interactions with Malaya. She seriously annoys me.

        1. SgtWadeyWilson

          You and I own very different dictionaries.

  38. Josh Spicer

    Yatta.

  39. Shay Guy

    “The dictionary defines ‘best’ as-”
    “Oh god, BORING.”

  40. FacelessDeviant

    So they finally weaponized niceness.

  41. Danni

    *maniacal cackle*

  42. BenRG

    Wow! It’s like Joyce had a list of behavioural red flags for ‘creepy neighbour’ and decided to handle them in alphabetical order! Seriously, this is hilarious and I loved Malaya’s reaction to being blind-sided full-on by Tsunami Joyce!

    I’m glad that my predictive senses weren’t totally out of whack about Joyce giving Malaya Lucy flash-backs. Both sweet girls and both with really, really poor ideas of what constitute ‘boundaries’. 😀 I do hope that they meet together and irritate the hell out of each other the way only true mirror reflections can!

    1. Emily

      Like on the one hand yeah Joyce is crossing a bunch of boundaries here but on the other hand Malaya is an insufferable asshole and her discomfort in this context is hilarious and well deserved.

  43. Loki

    When she said “the speech I have prepared on my phone”, I actually expected her to have pre-recorded a voice message which she would now play, while they all stand around awkwardly.

  44. icouldntthinkofaname

    I NEED my precious (and human and flawed) adorable rays of actual sunshine to meet Joyce and Lucy to be besties ….please

    1. BenRG

      TWIST (offered not entirely seriously but also not entirely as parody): Joyce and Lucy end up in a relationship of some sort. The epilogue is the two of them living in an apartment together, debating on whether to adopt a child.

      1. Eldritch Gentleman

        I don’t think this relationship would last long. The sheer critical mass of genki, love and happiness would cause a nuclear reaction and would incinerate everything in 50 mile radius…

        1. icouldntthinkofaname

          I would be up for either ending, and I am now picturing the cast wandering the county mad Max style in the fallout of jocy

  45. KM

    Bit of a nitpick, but isn’t it “next door”?

    1. DonDueed

      Maybe Joyce smooshes them into one word… “nexdor”

  46. Pidgey

    Malaya at the front desk: I’d like to put in for another room transfer.

  47. Eldritch Gentleman

    You can run but you cannot hide from Friendship Malaya. Friendship is magic, ever present like the Chaos Gods that spawned it!

    1. BenRG

      We did say yesterday that Joyce is the DoA-verse’s answer to Pinkie Pie. All that we would need to complete the comparison is for Joyce to announce that Malaya has to attend her ‘Welcome to Read Hall Party’.

      1. Eldritch Gentleman

        OMG and now I’m getting a mental image of buff members of Read Hall walking slow-mo to buff Joyce’s party like in Friendship is Manly clip on youtube

      2. Vulcanodon

        OK I laughed. That look on Sal’s face is priceless.

  48. Jimmy

    I’d like Lucy and Joyce to meet, but they would probably create a tear in the space-time continuum.

    1. CianM1301

      The sheer unrestrained joy and optimism that radiate if the two of them met would cause a positivity supernova that would envelop everyone within a 100 km radius.

      1. SgtWadeyWilson

        50 miles just became 100 km?
        *Has google do some math for me.*
        The radius is increasing… soon noone will be spared from the smilepocalypse…

        1. UniqueSnowflake2

          It’s not a hard boundary.

    2. Bagge

      I would find it funny if they meet but don’t really get along.

      “I dunno… she’s a bit TOO eager if you know what I mean.”

      “Isn’t it annoying how some people try to force their mood on others?”

      Que Malaya and Sarah staring in disbelief.

  49. Emily

    Malaya deserves this.

    1. Bagge

      SAL deserves this. A sweet, sweet victory.

  50. DallyDaydream

    See this just makes me really want Joyce and Lucy to be friends.

    1. autogatos

      I came here just to say this.

    2. creativerealms

      Me too.

  51. Tormyr Cousland

    “Christ.”

    “Oh! You know Him too? Great! We’re going to be best friends.”

    1. StClair

      I thought this too!

      1. McBogue

        Not necessarily. If Malaya is like most Filipinos, she was likely raised Roman Catholic.

        [Cue Joyce freakout]

        1. BBCC

          Eh, she didn’t freak out at Sal.

  52. Chronos

    The horror!

  53. PB

    Heh… heheheh…

    Muhuhuhahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhaaaaaa!!!!!

  54. Nobody

    You see Joyce when pretending you didn’t do something you aren’t supposed to announce you did it, especially not when you’re incapable of sarcasm

    1. SgtWadeyWilson

      …b-but then she’d be telling a lie by omission… to a friend! *Audible Gasp, Sarcastic.*

    2. Liliet

      See, this is Joyce trying to be less creepy stalker-ish. She has realized that doing these things in secret is bad, and has now gotten rid of the ‘secret’ part.
      Baby steps, Joyce, baby steps.

  55. Roborat

    I see her eyebrows have not yet returned from their orbital trajectory.

  56. Rambling Idiot

    I don’t mean to alarm anyone but the next chapter is probably about Faz.

    1. IllogicalBobcat

      People will still hate Joe more. 😛

  57. Plume

    Oh god yes! Joyce’s speech begins with a Webster’s dictionary definition of “Friendship” 😀

  58. fillerusername

    She’s Leslie Knope!

  59. JBento

    Another school shooting 8(

    Hearts out.

  60. Jhon

    ‘Scuse me while I google ‘white lucy’.

    …

    Malaya will have to endure Joyce for many moons.
    She is no longer at the top of the room transfer request list.

    1. Marsh Maryrose

      A little googling shows that, while there is not yet a White Lucy, there is a Juicy Lucy, a Lucy June, a Lucy Colada, and, most fittingly, a Sweet Lucy.

      It appears that, apart from those named after James Joyce, there are no Joyce cocktails.

  61. tim gueguen

    White Lucy would make a good band name.

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