243

Shorter
Posted on April 2, 2014 by David M Willis

243 thoughts on “Shorter”

  1. Yotomoe

    It would be much cuter if you had a strapon (I’m gonna have to draw this again)

    1. Thanks, I'll Have Another!

      http://i.imgur.com/g7Mxj5n.png

      1. Tunaro

        NOOOOOOOO…

        1. Leorale

          YESSS, oh please draw this it can only be magnificent. (

        2. lejwocky

          http://24.media.tumblr.com/62d5405f834e192f6135cc00608482d1/tumblr_mjihuv58qb1r9j9xbo1_500.gif

      2. merle

        Well, there’s one link I’m certainly not clicking at work.

        1. -Sentinel-

          Nah, it’s perfectly SFW.

      3. Jaxx Sentinel

        I don’t know how , but yes, she does look cuter with a strapon

      4. Alzarath

        The little strap-onsss.

    2. Yotomoe

      http://i.imgur.com/4XzgXBn.png

      1. Shadow12000

        oh my god yes

      2. JustCheetoDust

        Awesome.

        And good thing she put the cap back on that marker.

        1. Roborat

          Seconded. Truly awesome.

      3. Thanks, I'll Have Another!

        GLORIOUS.

      4. Jen Aside

        hey, I should maybe finish moving into this apartment so I can finish MY strap-on drawing =p

      5. saltchocolate

        😀

      6. Stewart C Baker

        It’s a sausage! She’s wearing a sausage!

        1. Lilly

          …of sorts.

        2. kirwar4face

          They say sausage is delicious! I’m a Vegan myself.

      7. ocbrad1

        Yesssssssssss!!!

      8. Schist

        I feel like she would have worn it on her head first thinking it was a prosthetic unicorn horn.

        1. 11bane

          Yeah, that’s what I was

        2. 11bane

          Hrm, meant to link to the picture…

          http://i62.tinypic.com/nly9nc.png

        3. Yotomoe

          hahaha
          That’s cute.

        4. Leorale

          So majestic!

        5. 11bane

          Of course the real question is where she got it….and if it’s been used before.

        6. Deathstalker

          Sarah has toys.

      9. Opus the Poet

        That was… disturbing.

      10. Kernanator

        Such majesty.

      11. dmb

        Joyce’s plastic mister-happy is very festive.

    3. Hinoron

      Sarah: “No Joyce wait, don’t Google it!”
      (Sarah quickly makes popcorn, sets up a chair and her iPhone video recording)
      Sarah: “Okay Joyce, NOW you can Google it!”

  2. Mr K

    She’ll do so, and her mind will break. Hopefully forever.

    1. Tunaro

      The broken psyche of her once pure soul will serve as the perfect gateway to summon Cthuga, Unholy Elder God, bringing fire and despair down on us all. SIRI, WHAT HAVE YOU DOOONNNEEE???!!!!

      1. GoldStarz

        “I have detected two locations that carry this product. They’re pretty close.”

      2. Rex Hondo

        Siri, hail DAB.

    2. ocbrad1

      In the interest of science, I performed that Google search Joyce talks about. Unless my office’s safety filters are more stealthy than I thought, it is a fairly benign result…until you switch to an image search!

      1. Ghola

        Did you turn safesearch on? Because you know she’s never taking safesearch off until she’s hit the breaking point of Ethanlust and googles lady boners.

        1. sps48

          Safesearch cannot be turned off anymore.
          Damn you, Google!!

        2. SAL

          It can be! It’s under the gear. google image cats, turn it off, and then switch to web and browse. It’s easier to find under images.

  3. Stephen

    Hahahahaha.

  4. Tunaro

    And then Joyce goes into a horror coma…

    1. Mr K

      And awakens as someone who makes Faz look normal and unperverted.

      1. Doctor_Who

        The Rise of Anti-Joyce!

        1. Ahighfunctioningsociopath

          Oh no, here we go again.

  5. Van Dyne

    the joke that keeps on giving. Wait, no, that’s not how that phrase goes.

    …you know what I mean.

    1. Yotomoe

      Strap-ons are the gift that keep on giving. and then taking. And then giving. and then taking.

      1. JustCheetoDust

        I think it does both at the same time instead of alternating, like some kind of Schrödinger’s sodomy.

        1. Thanks, I'll Have Another!

          Schrödinger’s Double Penetration.

        2. Robin

          Ah yes, with the famous Double Penetration Experiment, through which the boner/vag duality was discovered.

        3. Gigafreak

          Schrödomy?

        4. Kyrros

          Ha! All with a cat Gravitar as well :-p

  6. AHR

    Why does Joyce think this, anyway? Is it cause of Amber? My memory…it sucks…

    1. Thanks, I'll Have Another!

      Mike made a strap-on comment about Joyce vis-a-vis Ethan near the start of the chapter.

    2. TheOthin

      Sarah offhandedly remarked it.

      1. JAD

        First Sarah, then, six strips later, Mike:

        http://www.dumbingofage.com/2014/comic/book-4/02-i-was-a-teenage-churchmouse/makeover/
        http://www.dumbingofage.com/2014/comic/book-4/02-i-was-a-teenage-churchmouse/pagans/

    3. Blackbird

      Yes, Joyce is jealous of Amber since Ethan said he loves her more than he’s ever loved anyone, so she’s trying to look more like her, and in the process making all of us realize that Amber’s kinda boyish.

    4. BlackIo

      Because when Joyce said “I thought I’d wear something Ethan would like”, both Mike and Sarah immediately responded with “Like a strap-on?”

    5. Opus the Poet

      It has been a running gag since the start of the chapter.

    6. BlackIo

      Actually, I think we’re all misreading the original question. Joyce probably thinks that Ethan likes this look because Amber has shorter hair and wore a hoodie both times she confronted Ethan about his relationship with Joyce.

      1. AHR

        Yeah, Blacklo has it right. not the strapon part, the whole ” I am doing this as a gift for Ethan and he will like it!” bit.

  7. Xerxes93

    Wait, is she trying to imitate amber?

    1. Yotomoe

      Then she should be up in her room, wearing 3-day old clothes knee-deep in zombie hordes.

      1. Mr K

        She should also have a superhero identity. Maybe Fundie-Girl, who annoys the bad guys to death with her cheeriness.

        1. Leorale

          I think she’s been established as Bible Belt.

        2. Rex Hondo

          Bible Thumper has a much more “Righteous Vengeance” vibe.

        3. Yotomoe

          Her utility belt should still be called the bible belt.

        4. Rex Hondo

          Of course, it’s where she keeps the wide variety of weaponized bibles with which she thumps sinners.

        5. Leorale

          Yes.

        6. brionl

          And old-testament style strap-ons.

        7. HMRC4EVR

          And flash drives filled with episodes of Superbook and Bibleman to force criminals to reveal their nefarious plans or be forced to watch them.

        8. Cybersnark

          She could be allies/enemies/deuteragonists with Kid Crusader.

  8. Plasma Mongoose

    I wonder if Joyce’s Google has the dafe search on…hmmmmmmm 😀

    1. Yotomoe

      She actually put parental blocks on her own phone.

      1. newllend

        That she put on there herself.

    2. GoldStarz

      I doubt the Departemnt of Aeromechanics and Flight Engineering has anything on sex toys.

      1. Tunaro

        Somehow I feel the inventor of the flying dildo disagrees with you.

    3. paradoxius

      I just checked. The phrases “strap on”, “strap-on”, and “strapon” are filtered by safe search.

      1. TheSuicidalGiraffe

        ROFL IM FUCKING DIEING!!!!…
        *sigh*
        Few, Thank You Iro

        If only all comments with pictures could be this perfect, i swear, Iro saying that has made my week

  9. EvilPenguin

    Also make sure you check out “pegging”

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      “But what does hanging out the washing got to do with srap-ons?”

      1. Triniking

        I’m trying to +1 this as hard as I can.

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          ^_^

    2. JustCheetoDust

      That should be covered in the related searches section.

    3. Thanks, I'll Have Another!

      “Ooooh! I love cribbage!”

      1. Phillip Wilde

        “Oooh! I’ll have to bring my old Lite-Brite back here next time I go home!”

  10. Jenniffniff

    Don’t do it, Joyce!!!

  11. Wonder Wig

    If you drew a little happy face on it I’m sure it could be cute.

    1. Yotomoe

      Fuck! That’s going into the drawing.

      1. Leorale

        Yayyy

      2. newllend

        Where can I see all these drawing I’m tempted now.

      3. Yotomoe

        http://i.imgur.com/4XzgXBn.png
        DID IT.

        1. Leorale

          Comedy GOLD

        2. ocbrad1

          Beautiful! As always, awesome job!

  12. Mkvenner

    That is not going to get old for a least a week or two.

  13. TFielding

    I met someone at My college Christian group named Joy who acts a lot like Joyce. A few months ago I met someone named Mike who looks and acts like Mike. I’m sensing a conspiracy.

    1. Mr K

      Well, you haven’t met Faz yet.

      1. Yotomoe

        Let me show you by this chart the location of all Faz’s in your 10 square mile radius.

        1. Thanks, I'll Have Another!

          That chart is mandated to be posted in all public buildings by state law. There’s a registry and everything.

        2. MM

          They keep the “What to Do If You Encounter a Faz” brochures on a little table nearby.

        3. Yotomoe

          “No sudden movements. Even the slightest twitch could cause a Faz to become aroused”

        4. Psycho

          “Bash it immediately over the cranium with a heavy object. Don’t worry about lawsuits and such, any authority would understand the desperation of the situation”.

        5. begbert2

          “However, if you are in a particularly litigious area (such as the united states), a suggested alternative approach would be to mummify the Faz with your standard-issue grappling hook, and then hand them over to the nearest authorities, who are authorized and experienced in the use of physical force.”

    2. JustCheetoDust

      If you have a counselor named Ninja Rick, would that have to become canon in the Dumbiverse?

    3. JustCheetoDust

      A few months ago I met someone named Mike who looks and acts like Mike.

      So you only see his hair from the side?

    4. blah

      I didn’t know Mikes existed. In the “asshole playing life on god mode and it working” sense.

      1. begbert2

        There’s a significant number of them in the american political system.

  14. Kernanator

    Is it anything like a condom cap?

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Yes, condom caps are to strap-ons like pillow cases are to pillows.

      1. Yotomoe

        I thought butts were to strap-ons as pillow cases were to pillows.

        1. JustCheetoDust

          Yeah, because no one jams a pillow into a pillow case dry.

        2. Raye J

          don’t forget vaginas. Lesbians use ’em too.

  15. Bill

    Is the smoke supposed to be Ethan exiting stage left, or did he just short-circuit and self-destruct and that wisp of smoke is all that’s left of him?

    1. Yotomoe

      Ethan made the mistake of eating the mystery meat burritos for lunch.

      1. Roborat

        But in his defense, he can’t help it. He always eats the meat, mystery or otherwise.

      2. Tenn

        I am a truly sick individual.

        The first thing that popped into my mind was the Mario Kart Rainbow Road theme. XD

  16. Psycho

    She’s gonna need a mindwipe afterwards.

  17. Zuzi

    I desperately want her to look that up

    1. newllend

      I want to see her reaction after she does.

      1. Opus the Poet

        +1 to that. Willis, make it so!

  18. newllend

    “Did you notice something different about me?”

    “Was I suppose too?”

    If it was anyone else they would have already fucked up.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      That’s for sure.

    2. Yotomoe

      Panel 3 would have been Ethan lying on the ground, bloodied.

    3. Doctor_Who

      This question always horrifies me. It’s not that I can’t notice the change, it’s that I’m afraid the chance I notice will be the wrong one.

      1. Cybersnark

        Well, you wouldn’t really notice anything short of a change in bodies, would you?

        1. Roborat

          I saw what you did there.

      2. madd

        But if they don’t ask, and you don’t comment on the change, then they can nurse a slow, simmering “you never really look at me” resentment. Especially if it’s something they do for your benefit.

      3. begbert2

        Yeah, pretty much every time I find myself exclaiming, “Hey, you’re pregnant now!” it goes poorly for me.

      4. Heavensrun

        “Yeah, I wasn’t going to say anything but you really -should- get more exercise.”

        1. newllend

          *Pfff*

  19. LiamAldam

    Anyone else really want a Joyce? I do.

    1. Hoboturtle

      I would keep her in my pocket.

      1. Tenn

        Don’t wear a strap-on, Joyce. Be the strap-on!

    2. begbert2

      As long as she’s still prone to being a vocal fundamentalist, I’ll pass.

  20. Bickendan

    It’s a trap!

    1. KingMabel

      That’s the section of the internet I try to stay away from

      1. JustCheetoDust

        Did somebody say Meat Spin?

        1. Thanks, I'll Have Another!

          Disappointing click.

        2. JustCheetoDust

          I was never going to link to that video. Not if I wanted that comment to stick around.

        3. JustCheetoDust

          I will admit that I missed an opportunity for proper misdirection.

        4. Tenn

          And YouTube would never let it stay if anyone uploaded it.

          I thought the proper misdirection was going to be a Rickroll, though.

          *sigh* I haven’t been Rickrolled in like forever.

        5. Opus the Poet

          Don’t link the video when you can link infinite loop website

    2. shietka

      Ethan wishes.

  21. Salmo

    I’m on the verge of wishing the strap-on had a tag so I can look up all these references.

    1. Heavensrun

      Just use the Joyce Tag, they’ll probably all be on the first page.

  22. Well_Played

    Very few things that make be do a spit take Willis… Very few things…

    1. saltchocolate

      By the same token, only a few events actually merit a sincere OMG (complete with a *gasp!* and an exclamation point) — and this is one of them. Holy fuck! Ethan disappeared entirely!!

      1. JustCheetoDust

        It’s like he said Candlejack out lo-

  23. Jay Eff

    DON’T GOOGLE THAT, JOYCE.

    (also, don’t google the top ten wesley pipes quotes, while we’re at it)

    1. newllend

      But if you do, look up Rebel taxis top 10 Ugliest cartoons as well

      ( might as well destroy whats left of interest in cartoons)

  24. MM

    If she does, the TV Tropes page for “Break the Cutie” is gonna have a new illustration.

  25. John Madden

    AHAHAHAHAHA

    1. Leorale

      I know, right?? This is pretty much all I have to say about it, too. I am just so pleased that she actually said this to him, ahahaha

  26. Opus the Poet

    I’m reminded of the first Native American stand-up comedian, Running Gag.

    1. JustCheetoDust

      I have some serious reservations about that comment.

      1. Raye J

        *snerk* I can’t figure out whether you meant that to be a joke or not. If it’s a joke, very subtle, I approve.
        If it’s not a joke, any offense I might have taken is canceled out by the Mike avatar.

  27. Menocu

    Luckily this isn’t the Walkyverse Joyce and that Google search won’t send her into a catatonic state where she can only sing Do Re Mi.

    1. MM

      …Maybe.

  28. nothri

    I’m expecting Joyce’s head to explode in a few strips now.

  29. Tealjoy

    Hahahahahahahaha this is now another favorite, that boy ran away so fast.

  30. timemonkey

    “This is a thing you like in girls, right?”

    No Joyce, he’s gay. You know this. He doesn’t care how pretty the package is because either way it’s getting returned in mint condition.

    1. newllend

      BURN!

    2. Plasma Mongoose

      So like how a toy collector prefers to keep their toys inside their original wrapping?

    3. madd

      But … I thought that was wthe hole point of this relationship. He wants a girl, who isn’t in to premarital hanky panky, so that he can pretend/try to not be gay and she wants a boy, who doesn’t want to bone her, so that she can pretend/try not to be tempted by manly parts.

      1. Regalli

        It was. But I think we’ve established by now that this whole thing is doomed to failure, yes? This is basically the inevitable.

      2. Em

        This is true, but she wants him to like her. She wants him to look at her and think “Man I have a gorgeous girlfriend.” But he can only do that objectively, and that’s not what she wants.

      3. David

        Either does not want what he wants.

    4. Heavensrun

      But Amber has shorter hair and was wearing a hoodie last time Joyce saw her, so….

  31. Mr. Random

    GoogleitGoogleitGoogleitGoogleitGoogleitGoogleitGoogleitGoogleitGoogleitGoogleitGoogleitGoogleitGoogleitGoogleitGoogleitGoogleitGoogleitGoogleitGoogleitGoogleitGoogleitGoogleitGoogleitGoogleitGoogleitGoogleitGoogleitGoogleitGoogleitGoogleitGoogleitGoogleitGoogleitGoogleitGoogleitGoogleitGoogleitGoogleitGoogleitGoogleitGoogleitGoogleitGoogleitGoogleitGoogleitGoogleitGoogleitGoogleitGoogleitGoogleitGoogleit

  32. theskeuomorph

    God this Ethan/Joyce relationship is the worst. Not the writing, just the situation. Every time it gives me this knot of empathetic frustration in my stomach.

  33. Aeron

    I had to read it twice to notice the smoke trail in the last panel. Poor Joyce.

    *tweety voice* She woses mo boyfriends dat way!

    1. saltchocolate

      Love the Tweety voice!!

    2. JustCheetoDust

      This is the only version of Tweety that I can think of right now.

      1. MM

        He’s certainly got the right eyes.

  34. Idon'tcarenomore

    This is the first strip – anywhere- that has caused me to laugh out loud and exhale a mist of soda all over my monitor at the same time. And I never drink at the pc…till tonight.

    1. Bill

      The dreaded “Pepsi syndrome”.

    2. begbert2

      So what you’re saying is, every time you drink at the PC you spit it all over your monitor?

  35. saltchocolate

    Joyce broke the first rule of lawyering: Never ask a question you don’t already know the answer to! Too bad Sarah wasn’t there to egg her on caution her against this move.

  36. JA

    Oh god she said it.

  37. cmd1095

    and soon we will have a comic detailing the shell-shocked Joyce who just learned what a strap-on is in explicit detail

  38. Nena

    Oh dear! Joyce walks into all kinds of silly situations.

  39. shoeboxjeddy

    This is the best. Thank you Willis for making the best thing. I had hoped that someone would do it, and there you go, you’ve done it. For all of us. Good job at making the best thing.

  40. Fuzzydaemon

    This is seriously the best!

  41. Stephen Bierce

    Was that a flrrd?

  42. caesaria82

    Yes please do google that, Joyce. It’d be fun for everyone involved (mostly us) and for you it’d be educational. Do eeeeeet.

  43. David

    This can drag on for a lot longer: “Safe Search is On”, and Joyce would not touch that.

  44. WaveRocker

    Burrrrrrrrrn

  45. EvergreenFir

    I imagine Joyce would buy a purple sparkly one.

  46. Bilfred

    That is just the best running joke, Willis.

  47. GhostWriterL

    This is the last we’ll see of Joyce, because she’ll have googled it and she’ll live out the next few years in a hospice in a mostly catatonic state, emerging with a complete consciousness reset to where she thinks she’s due to start her first year of college. Her new roommate will be Roz and Robin’s younger sister, whose obsession with cereal has only increased with the onset of puberty and freedom from parental control. Leslie will have taken a sabbatical to do first hand research on women’s rights movements in various developing countries and replaced by Hooper, whose class reading material will be instead replaced by the entire series of The Walking Dead.

  48. Pat

    He’s supposed to notice she’s wearing different clothes? Does she change that infrequently?

    1. -JAD-

      No, but the style had not changed that much, except for the date with Joe (and Mike).

  49. flamelordkay

    “This is a thing you like in girls, right?”
    No, silly. He obviously doesn’t like putting anything in girls.

  50. Tahkuya

    Lets all google strap-ons with Joyce

    1. ninja_jesus

      The new Google Strap-On, coming soon.

      1. Nono

        Strap-On Goggles?

      2. Spaz

        Its major competitor, the Facebook Strap-on, allows you to notify your friends that you are using it. Now with Oculus Rift support!

        The Google Strap-on is similar, except it forces you to use your real name.

        1. Spaz

          Although the Google Strap-on DOES have Youtube integration.

        2. John

          Roz’s favorite feature!

        3. David

          You misspelt “Youlube integration”.

        4. Leorale

          “Poke.”

        5. ninja_jesus

          Google Strap-On also has Voyeur+, while Facebook has vibration support.

      3. StClair

        “OK Strap-On, _________.”

  51. John

    Joyce disintegrated Ethan with sheer horror. Nothing left but smoke.

  52. ninja_jesus

    I imagine Joyce not going to be very happy with Mike and Sarah.

  53. maxlines

    Well, that will be interesting to see Joyce’s reaction to what she finds on google.
    I hope nobody tells her to google “2 girls 1 cup”.

    1. shadow eagle

      dang, now i gotta google it.

      1. NF

        Famous last words.

      2. begbert2

        I strongly recommend you resist the temptation.

      3. Tenn

        Schmuck Bait!

        1. Tenn

          Whoa! TV Tropes just fulfilled my desire to be Rickrolled!

          It was so long since last time… *lights cigarette*

          Wait, I don’t smoke.

    2. Retroviral

      Or eel soup, she definitely shouldn’t google eel soup.

  54. Jack Finch

    So Ethan, how’s that “in control” thing working out for ya? All good?

  55. Bill

    I have this hunch that Joyce thinks a “strap-on” is a type of clothing, like a “pullover”.  I wonder how long before she finds out otherwise.

    1. brumagem

      I suppose one could consider it apparel.

      1. Raye J

        Well one does wear it…

  56. madd

    Is it weird that I now have a burning curiosity as to what would happen if I asked Siri what a strap on is?

    1. Usayasha

      Investigate. Report. You have been charged with a holy task.

    2. Tenn

      Siri: “I thought you would never ask!”

      And then you would buy the Apple iDong so she could show you in artificial person.

  57. Alexx

    HA. I love running gags. Especially when they make people run.

  58. brumagem

    Ho-damn, I never expected that joke to come back again.

  59. Heavensrun

    It just dawned on me that she’s dressed like that because she’s trying to emulate Amber, because Ethan said to Amber that he loved her last time they met, and holy crap she was adorable but now it’s so sad.

    1. Lis

      yeah took me an archive binge to figure it out, I was so freaking confused.

  60. ajm5007

    I was trying to figure out what gave her the impression that hoodie & short hair was something Ethan likes in girls. Then Heavensrun hit it. Thanks for the assist.

  61. DSL

    I don’t really understand how a booster rocket that attaches to the side of the main vehicle applies to this situation.

  62. Kraang the Somewhat Wobbly

    OH MY FUCKING GOD, Willis.

  63. Asurasur

    I for one can’t wait until she does google it. That reaction shot is going to be GREAT!

  64. Asurasur

    Or better yet, what if she totally justifies it, as it won’t allow her physical contact!

    1. Silvester Crow

      Maybe she’ll test it out with dorothy while walky watches.

  65. common reader

    read the comic and as I was finishing it ” invalid arguement” error popped on the computer….quite the fun situration!

  66. Robert

    Are we not seeing ethan in that last panel because he fainted?

  67. JACK KUROSAWA

    I would like to see that 4th panel redone in such a way that you can only see Joyce’s lips whispering into Ethan’s ear.

    It would be my wallpaper for forever.

  68. mistrali

    …Dear God, Willis, please don’t tell us something like this happened to you.

  69. Rutee

    I am just now getting that she’s dressed like this because Amber wore it. Oh holy cheese this is hilarious. I can’t wait to watch these dramabombs explode some more XD

    1. arank11

      Holy crap! I didn’t catch that! Wow. I applaud you, Willis

  70. Heavensrun

    At first I was XD, then I realized how that comment from Joyce must have bit into Ethan’s insecurities and I was :(, then I realized Joyce is dressed that way to emulate Amber in a futile attempt to get Ethan’s attention and I was D:.

    Way to feels, Willis. Way to feels.

  71. Björn

    Am I the only one who thinks this will give Ethan mental images of Jocelyn?

    1. Björn

      Her hair, that is.

  72. Red5

    http://lmgtfy.com/?q=strapon

    1. Ivan

      The WIKI version at the top is an awful fancy looking one.

      “Multi-function” <—???? “…with vibrating egg.”

      Oh! I guess it’s a massager too!!!

      1. Crumplepunch

        It’s a back massager.

    2. Corronchilejano

      If she has safe search on (obviously) she’ll find nothing.

  73. Kschenke

    I know everyone is focusing on the strap-on comment, but my god the “short hair” bit made me cringe. Stop talking, Joyce. Just stop talking.

  74. Lis

    oh man it took an archive crawl to figure out why she thinks she figured out what Ethan liked in a girl. I was so confused the first time through.

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