142

Retardo
Posted on May 6, 2011 by David M Willis

142 thoughts on “Retardo”

  1. The Pedantic Frogboy

    Yes, Joe, the retardo is you. Although that’s not the preferred nomenclature. “Developmentally disabled-o”, please.

    1. gangler

      That should be a character on Jackass.

      1. Dave

        It was, but his real name was steve so it just got shortened to steve-o

        1. Skye

          I chuckled at this.

        2. Kira

          +1
          Or you know, whatever method of compliment you choose to accept.
          Kira likes this, etc.

    2. Yo

      Person-With-A-Developmental-Disabilityo

  2. Ragnal

    WELL, so much for Roz being a nicer person…>_>

    1. David Herbert

      Well, when did she say it wouldn’t be online? Also, girl’s got to pay those college fees somehow.

      1. Rayri

        I think you’re supposed to say if something will be online, not the other way around :/

      2. Shift

        Knowing Joe, he probably stopped listening to Roz after “Let’s have Sex”, during which she explained about the videos

  3. thatgirlwiththeglasses

    Oh, Joe. You are so screwed. And not in the literal sense.

    1. gangler

      Because the second sense doesn’t really have to be stated with Joe. His name is synonymous with sex.

    2. fhornrocks

      that part already happened and what got him into this mess

      1. TemplarKnight

        And we got the video to prove it!

      2. Henry

        He got screwed because he got screwed.

    3. Lunchbox

      Joe’s been Joe’d?

      1. madd

        We’ve been over this before. He got Roe’d

  4. The Sound Defense

    Apparently in Willis universes sex videos are just free to post anywhere.

    1. JK9000

      Truly, a better world.

    2. Clementine

      In our universe, too.

      1. gangler

        It really isn’t hard…

        1. CWR

          Well, that’s disappointing. Not much of a sex video, then?

        2. Plasma Mongoose

          I see what you did there.

        3. CWR

          I also did it over here, but no one saw that.

        4. Plasma Mongoose

          I should sincerely hope not, otherwise accusations of attention whoredom would have to be pressed. 😛

        5. Lokitsu

          Well, if you press it, you’ll get the wrinkles out.

  5. Janette

    The expressions in the last video.

    I still like Roz. Still supporting that there’s no logic except I like the characters you shouldn’t like and dislike the ones you should.

    1. iSaidCandleja-

      Wait, the expression in the last “video”? I must see this video as soon as possible… for research.

      1. Dox

        Adorable.

  6. Ridureyu

    Well, Joe is now going to have a stigma that will follow him for the rest of his life. He will be denied jobs. Laughed at. Made into a pariah.

    But while he’s in college, he’ll get to strut and pretend to be the big man on campus.

    1. Dean

      Ridureyu, I think you’re suffering from a small misapprehension. You see, Joe isn’t the girl in the video.

      1. taekwondogirl

        This is painfully true.

      2. The Pedantic Frogboy

        Are you sure?

        1. iSaidCandleja-

          We already know Roz has some interesting interest.

        2. Meridian

          bet he feels like it.

    2. Shift

      Not necessarily. He could try and exploit this whole thing, to where he ends up with a reality show on Fox or VH1, and then spends his life as a joke, but a joke who’s racking in the money for some reason.

  7. wnderjif

    ? now its a congresswoman?

    so is it Roz’s sister the fo’shizzler herself or not?

    and i wonder if dorothy recognizes Joe by his Joe, or Joe by way of seeing Danny asleep.

    1. Ridureyu

      It’s definitely Faz, then.

      Congresswoman Fazette DeSanto.

      1. Henry

        Brain bleach.

      2. gangler

        Faz X Fazette ship? I shouldn’t imagine it, but the image simply cannot be banished.

        1. The E-man

          AAAHHHH THE BRAIN BLEACH ISN’T WORKING!!!!! CAN’T GET IT OUT OF MY MIND!!!!

        2. Henry

          You’re not using enough. Rub the bleach on your head and body. And your Joe.

        3. milk experiment

          Yep, Faz would totally do himself if given the opportunity. Faz loves Faz.

          I dub this the good ship Fazazzle, long may she sail. [smashes bottle of champagne against hull]

        4. Lt. Taz

          Fazazzle. So much win, and yet so much fail. Part of me wants brain bleach and the other part…. also wants brain bleach.

    2. Undrave

      I think Dorothy recognizes Joe’s Joe.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        How? Has he got a birthmark on it or something?

    3. QueenThomas

      It would have to be Joe’s Joe because they filmed by taping the camera to Danny’s foot.

    4. Brady Kj

      I honestly suspect Willis gave Roz and Robin a big sister who’s a congressperson. I base this suspicion on the logical fact that I want to see a teen-aged Robin.

  8. Clementine

    I know that Joe said there was a video… but I still feel like, somehow, Danny might be the one implicated in this.

    1. gangler

      The camera was taped to his foot. It would be hard for him to really be in the shot.

      1. ryan

        “whoa. i know who’s sock that is.”
        -dorothy

        1. Tim's Name Is Boring

          That awful, crusty, lonely sock.

        2. Pat

          “…And I’m sure they only ever made one like it!”

      2. Clementine

        True. Ah, well. That’ll show me to try and guess things.

  9. Jen Aside

    THAT GUY IS TOTALLY MARIO LOPEZ

    OH NOES

    1. Shift

      Poor Mario…

  10. Brendan

    Why the hell is Dorothy looking up sex tapes in the library? With Daisy?

    Wait…

    1. Chrisby

      The guy with the Joe Gravatar approves this.

    2. Ridureyu

      They’re college students. You really shouldn’t need to ask.

    3. Zem

      This comment makes Daisy’s immersed expression even better.

      I think she just rated Joe a 4.

      1. Doctor_Who

        Daisy is into chicks, if I remember correctly. I think she’s giving Roz at least an 8.

    4. gangler

      Because they’re politically aware. Duh.

    5. Plasma Mongoose

      They must have read about the scandal and as it involves someone from their Uni, they would naturally be curious.

  11. Robert

    Sigh…..joe is such a friggin meathead….

    1. Henry

      Joe is such a friggin’ Joehead.

      1. CWR

        Joe is such a Joeing Joehead. Wow, a verbnoun.

  12. Drillecat

    When you’ve less futuresight than I, I’m sure you’re in a lot of trouble, says I. o.o;;

  13. Chrisby

    In the Media Circus, everyone’s a clown.

  14. Lone Wolf

    I feel like I’m missing something obvious here. Aside from the fact that it might result in a minor political scandal for Roz’s sibling, how is this situation bad for Joe?

    1. James

      Being the focus of a media frenzy is rarely pleasant, I imagine.

      1. James

        And apparently I’m Danny now. This is oddly appropriate.

    2. Plasma Mongoose

      I also see Joe as the sort of guy who would want to try and cash in on this scandal for money and to further increase the chances to ‘Joe’ girls.

  15. dchorror

    I imagine Dorothy needs some brain bleach.

  16. ilvos01

    Dude, would Robin and Leslie be…
    …MARRIED? Mindfuck.

    1. ilvos01

      …aand I just remembered what my gravatar is. Well then.

    2. The E-man

      No I’m more imagining the Congresswoman coming to IU to talk with her sister about appropriate behavior when, on her way in, she sees Leslie (clad in a red, one shoulder, dress) and the crowds part…they walk towards each other…the meet-cute is awkward yet polite. Robin is dragged away by the security guards and Leslie and Robin pine for each other as they are separated…

      SQUEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

    3. Plasma Mongoose

      If they were married, then Leslie chose to keep her last name for professional reasons.

      1. Doctor_Who

        What makes you think it’s Leslie who would necessarily take Robin’s name? Sure, they said “Congresswoman DeSanto”, but gay marriage is a hot issue, so maybe it’s Robin who kept HER name for professional purposes.

    4. Shift

      I dunno… Without Ethan being in Robin’s life as a target for banging, what are the chances that Robin would have ever perused Leslie, and eventually realized she was bisexual/Lesbian? I mean, if it wasn’t for Ethan, she never would have approached Leslie.

  17. zuche

    Billie is missing an opportunity here.

    1. Horerczy

      Your mom is missing an opportunity. For a nickle.

      1. Henry

        With my penis.

    2. Plasma Mongoose

      An opportunity for what?

      1. Bekah

        News story, I assume. She’s an aspiring journalist after all, and she’s totally not in on the Joe scandal…

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          She’s too busy getting plastered most likely to even notice.

      2. |Agent

        FAAACE

  18. goatman95111

    Can someone explain to me why Dorothy would be viewing a video like that?

    1. Undrave

      Daisy put her on the story??

    2. Doom Shepherd

      College student. Slow news day.

    3. ryan

      she broke up with danny. she needs an outlet!

  19. Noel Schornhorst

    Maybe this will be Billie’s story… I can see the headlines now– “Nerds have nerd-sex. Other nerds watch. NERDS.”

    1. The Pedantic Frogboy

      What are you talking about? Nerds don’t have sex. Everybody knows that.

      At least, Billie does.

      1. Noel Schornhorst

        That’s why it’s such a big story.

        We interrupt this webcomic to bring you this breaking report– Nerds copulate! We take you now to the scene where the only remaining evidence was a crusty sock and some duct tape…

      2. Shift

        Sure they do. Haven’t you ever seen a Star Trek Wedding on the internet?

  20. Cranberrier

    Willis comics: come for the spontaneous makeouts, stay for the community.

    1. Rikushadow5

      Damn straight.

      1. WertTheLord

        MANLY COMBINING!!! i’m sorry, I just started watching Gurren Lagann a few days ago and am at episode 20…it’s so good and I’m hyper addicted at this point haha, carry on with the communitizing
        : )

  21. brasca1

    Eagerly awaiting Congresswoman Desanto to see how different her doppleganger is in this universe.

    1. Undrave

      I keep saying… ex pro wrestler! A female Jessi Ventura!

  22. Zap

    I’m still not sure why Joe is in trouble for this.

    1. Doom Shepherd

      You’ve never been hounded by people with cameras.

      It’s not trouble as in “I’m going to jail.” It’s trouble as in “I’m going to be constantly pestered by a group of some of the most annoying and irresponsible people on earth,” (ie. tabloid “journalists.”)

      1. Pat

        Why would tabloid journalists need to talk to him to write a story about what he’s saying?

        1. taekwondogirl

          They just want pictures. And who could blame them? It is Joe, after all.

        2. Henry

          They just want to see his faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace.

        3. taekwondogirl

          Hahahaha

  23. shoeboxjeddy

    All David Willis comics will now revolve around differing sextapes. The subscription Walky strips will roar back to life with the amazing sex tape wedding storyline. 😀

    1. Janette

      Wait, what?

    2. Cranberrier

      Couple of Steel: In Need Of Kleenex

      1. TsunamiJane

        Do you read Spider Robinson’s Callahan Chronicles? Because those stories are the ONLY reason I laughed at your comment and knew what you were referencing. 🙂

  24. Kurai_Seraphim

    Best part: Danny’s foot gets an IMDB cameraman credit in the field of political pornography!

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      When I first saw the words Danny’s foot, I thought you were refering to a different part of his anatomy. 😀

  25. TemplarKnight

    I think we’re all missing the obvious question here:

    Why does dorothy know what Joe looks like naked?

    Assuming we can’t see his FAAAAAAAAAAACE.

    1. zuche

      I’ve no doubt Roz had Joe switch positions no less than four times that night, at least one of them putting her on top. It’s not a proper tape without that sort of variety.

    2. Shift

      Joe has a history of being a man whore. So, she, along with a majority of her high school, probably walked him on him and some girl going at it in an vacant class room. 😛

  26. Someone

    It’s been called, but I’ll reinforce–Danny is the one visible on the tape as a face, even though it will be obvious he did nothing, he gets the trouble. WE KNOW YOUR GAMES, WILLIS

  27. TexasNinjaBuzzard

    “Wait, the retardo is ME?” T-shirts, $18.99 each at http://shortpacked.bigcartel.com/ .

  28. Plasma Mongoose

    Duct tape is the best sex tape of them all.

    1. creativerealms

      That’s the perfect Gravatar to say something like that with.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        And the thumbs-up gesture in your Gravatar is perfect for the response.

  29. Kelsey

    Of course you do, Dorothy. The question is….Pfffft! Hahahahaha! Oh, I can’t! I apologize for nothing!

  30. Menamebephil

    I just noticed that Danny’s hoodie seems to mark him out as a devotee of merciful Poseidon.

    1. Joebo

      No, It is a Monogram of Indiana University’s initials. I U

      1. Menamebephil

        Wait, merciful Poseidon has an entire University under his sway?

  31. ryan

    wait, so is it or is it NOT one of those videos that’s just a continuous taint shot? because for some reason i imagined it would be.

  32. prime_pm

    Perhaps Billie finally got her story

  33. VigilanteMark

    I can’t believe it took me three days to notice that Joe and Danny are wearing (basically) their classic Roomies! attire.

  34. katamanda

    My only hope with Robin coming into the comic is that she’ll meet Leslie and we can get a version of the happy lesbian couple again >.>

  35. Shift

    So how did Robin get elected into Congress in this universe? What was her political stance? Still Star War’s necrophilia toys? Transformer Toys? Batman?

    And it really is adorable how naive Joe is. I mean, in this day and age of information and technology there is no such thing as privacy. Although I have to ask WHY Roz filmed sex with herself and Joe. I mean, as professional camera whore, doesn’t she need to get a waiver signed by him so as to avoid legal liability of invasion of privacy like that? I know a couple of guys who do porn, and they need waivers and stuff signed before they can start filming.

    Unless of course, Roz isn’t charging for the videos like she does in the Shortpacked! Universe. If she does this for the fun of it, and doesn’t make money off it, she wouldn’t need a waiver signed. But she is still liable legally to be sued if Joe wanted. Which you know he won’t.

  36. Koloth

    Ummm, what’s up with Joe’s collar in panel 2? Was he originally supposed to be facing to the right and something got messed up when turning him, or did he buy his shirt at the Escher museum?

    1. David

      Are you interpreting his finger as his neck?

  37. Koloth

    O_o

    Ah. Indeed I was, thanks. TBH, although I can see now that it is his finger (especially given the context of what he’s saying in that panel), I still have to work at it to see it as anything but his neck, with an extraneous piece of green fabric in the middle.

    1. BMeph

      If the geometry’s still confusing you…

      …just look at his FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!

  38. You

    Quick, you’ve been recognized! Flee!

  39. Gnoka

    Widest I think Joe’s eyes have ever been.

  40. Ruban

    Completely off topic, but there appears to be a tiny smiley face at the very bottom left hand corner of this page… Is that still there or is the sleep deprivation starting to get to me at last?

    1. daughterofthestars

      OMG you’re totally right.

      1. Leesai

        omg there IS a tiny smiley face! i wonder if it’s on all his comics?

  41. Cain

    This is not going to end well.

  42. Scotch Carb

    This is going to be buried in the comments now, but I’m calling it; Joe is the red herring and Danny is the person who has been ‘caught’ sleeping with Roz in an out-of-context shot of them together after she slept with Joe.

  43. Mkvenner

    Murry’s Law strikes again.

  44. Hari

    This made me giggle.

  45. DarkoNeko

    You’d think half the campus cheerleaders would recognise him by now. Even if the video doesn’t show his face.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*

*

*

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.