Vice
Posted on March 1, 2012 by David M Willis
Not to be confused with the United States of Whatever. I uploaded a big version of the last panel to my Tumblr back on February 2.

140 thoughts on “Vice”

  1. Wack'd

    Given our current candidates does she really think being heavily educated will give her a leg up?

    And everyone knows Congress has the REAL power, anyway.

    1. lord of dance

      being smart and having good schooling are two very different things

    2. Henry

      I can see it now; Dorothy and Robin as congressional nemeses.

      That would actually be really cool.

      1. mechaqua

        I actually see Dorothy interning at Robin’s congressional office in near future.

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          Robin: “I did not have sexual relations with that woman!” *points at Dotty*

        2. mechaqua

          Reporter: Is there a sexual relationship between you and one of your interns?
          Robin:It Depends on what the meaning of the word is is …

        3. Nee Hou

          “It Depends on what the meaning of the word is is …”
          “The Ministry of Truth” and Pres. Clinton, where “1984”
          and Reality meet.

        4. desolation0

          So, which woman did you have sexual relations with?

        5. Shippy McShipper

          And by “in the near future” you mean, what, 2050?

    3. gangler

      Yeah, pretty sure they all still went to some fancy ivy league school just like Dorothy plans to. They just somehow never learned that the earth rotates the sun while they were there. I don’t know how you do that. I suspect money might be involved. Money and beer and religion and probably a couple helpings of connections. Must be a truly magical cocktail to be sure. They’re modern day alchemists.

      1. Wack'd

        I don’t see how religion factors in. “Well, I’ll pass you, but only if you go to church with me this Sunday.”

        Or maybe one of the candidate’s dad was a bishop (“OKAY, DEVIOUS, DON’T MOVE!” “GASP! THE BISHOP!”) and threatened to excommunicate the professor unless he passed the kid.

        1. gangler

          … but presumably those threats and bribes would be viable strategies with the beer? You must have gone to an awesome school.

        2. Wack'd

          I turned eighteen two weeks ago. Will go to an awesome school. Hopefully.

        3. Tyris

          For referencing one of the less-referenced Monty Python sketches, you get a cookie.

          It may or may not contain spiders.

        4. Wack'd

          I was tempted to do a Dead Bishop reference, but everybody knows that one. This was actually one of the first episodes I saw, so it stuck with me.

          (The actual first episode I saw was “It’s the Arts”. Still my favorite.)

        5. begbert2

          I believe the intimation is that religion is an aide to retaining the incorrect beliefs about reality, not that it was a particular aide in them passing.

        6. gangler

          Only for those who use it as such mind you. Even aside from passing the courses though its pretty baffling how you could get through school at all without picking up some information. You’d have to be actively working to keep that information outside of your skull.

          Obviously any one of these things can be had without being ignorant. Plenty of people drink without it effecting their work. Lots of rich and/or influential people are also perfectly intelligent.

    4. Hinoron

      And everyone knows Congress has the REAL power, anyway.

      You don’t think it’s the massive corporations that write congressmen’s checks?

    5. Hinoron

      Why qualify that as the “current candidate?” Almost all presidents have been C-students. As the saying goes:

      “The A students work for the B students, and the C students run the world.”

  2. OhHayMike

    Vice President? Psh. Underachiever.

    1. Arkadi

      Why? It rocks to be guy in charge of all the vice!

  3. Jen Aside

    UH OH looks like I shoulda done SarahxDorothy!

    *gets to work*

  4. Aizat

    Who does Sarah like?

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Dotty it seems.

  5. Mkvenner

    Silly dorothy you don’t need to graduate college to become President of the US.

    1. Mkvenner

      Abraham Linclon never went to law school.

      1. lord of dance

        lincoln was also president before college was main stream

        1. Aizat

          So, Lincoln was a hipster?

        2. Plasma Mongoose

          He was before it became mainstream.

        3. mechaqua

          So he is a vampire hunter, a homosexual, a hipster and had a fake leg with whiskey stored in it? DoA is teaching so much about American history!

        4. Plasma Mongoose

          …and they say that webcomics are dumb.

        5. Historyman68

          Who says that?!

        6. Arkadi

          And his left arm had an in-built gatling machine gun in it. People keep forgetting that. Also, he perfected Benjamin Franklin’s binocular lenses and gave them night vision.

        7. Kernanator

          He is totally my favorite.

        8. dick

          You just ruined chat with a hipster mention. Congratulations.

        9. mechaqua

          Abraham Lincolns also approved the Morrill Act of 1862 which created the land grant universities.

    2. Aizat

      Yeah, all you need is to lie a lot. You know, be a politician.

    3. Plasma Mongoose

      You just need lots of social skills and charisma.

      1. Aizat

        And lie and smile a lot.

        1. lord of dance

          and kiss hands and shake babies

        2. Aizat

          Shaking babies? Yep, that’s a mark of a politician all right.

        3. Plasma Mongoose

          I’n not certain that would help somehow… 😛

        4. Aizat

          We all know that most if not all politicians are evil so why hide it the truth?

        5. Plasma Mongoose

          Cos if they(The Pollies) no longer feel the need to hide their evil ways, life in the US will suck hundred times as much as it does now, and you don’t want that, DO YOU?

        6. Aizat

          I don’t live in the U.S however, politicians are a global infestation.

        7. Plasma Mongoose

          If things become 100 times worse in the US, it ends up becoming at least 10 times worse everywhere else.

        8. iSaidCandleja-

          Evil is America’s #1 export?

        9. Plasma Mongoose

          Not as such, it’s that if the US ends up ruled by evil, it will almost certainly use its military might to spead the evil around.

      2. gangler

        That’s a good point. Could be that socializing a bit more would actually further her goals.

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          It’s a more important skill than ever in this day and age, especially since less and less people have this skill in any sort of abundance nowadays.

        2. mechaqua

          Two things when going for a position in DC be bold and brassy and make sure you know people who are known. The latter is extremely important!

    4. Mkvenner

      Woodrow Wilson is the on only president in american history with a master’s degree.

      1. mechaqua

        He was also the only President to be a political scientist. Not many Political scientist (who have a graduate level degree) run for political office. mostly because you a decent working knowledge of political science you should know not to run for office in the first place.

  6. Wonder Wig

    The president of Uzbeki-beki-stan-stan.

    1. Aizat

      Is there an echo in here?

      1. Valdrax

        Political references are never easy when there’s so much on the line.

    2. mechaqua

      Nine Nine Nine

    3. eerilychildish

      You know, I don’t know who that is, do you know?
      How is that going to create one job?

      1. fellixe

        Blame yourself!

  7. Plasma Mongoose

    *GASPS*

    1. Aizat

      *DUN DUN DUN*

  8. Mkvenner

    Ladies and gents REM
    http://youtu.be/FQ2yXWi0ppw

    1. Historyman68

      I’m trying to see the connection, besides the name of this arc?
      It is a great song, though.

      1. Mkvenner

        I just noticed the name of the arc.

  9. mechaqua

    Or instead not be a politician at all!

  10. Rex Hondo

    Oh, Dorothy, if you’re wanting to get anywhere near the Oval Office, you’d better start going to church regularly right now.

    1. gangler

      Nah, that would affiliate her with a specific denomination. People want someone Christian, but not too Christian, because then you start alienating all the Christians who aren’t the exact kind of Christian that you are. Don’t wanna lose the protestant and catholic votes because you were seen at a baptist chapel.

      1. Wack'd

        Of course, it’s pretty easy to argue that being areligious would be even worse…

        1. gangler

          Fact. We’ll see an openly gay president before we see an openly atheist one.

        2. iSaidCandleja-

          I think that would depend on if there is an openly Jewish president before an openly gay president.

      2. Drunken Nordmann

        Are politicians over there really elected based on their personal beliefs? I thought it would be important that a candidate is competent or at least that he has good ideas.

        I mean, shouldn’t church and state be separate?

        1. mechaqua

          You would think so right?

        2. fellixe

          Not according to Rick Santorum who spent part of last week arguing church and state should not be separate.

        3. Roborat

          Yea, the Daily Show and Colbert Report had a field day with that.

        4. Wack'd

          HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHA!!!!!

          Oh, you’re serious. Let me go cry in a corner.

        5. Drunken Nordmann

          Here religion seems more to be a private matter. Althoug one of our ruling parties is called “Christian” it’s more like “preserving Christian values” instead of “God says we’re right”.

          There are so many different religions and confessions. How do you want to combine church and state without alienating all the other churches?

          I don’t think that would go well but that’s just one wacky German speaking here. ;D

        6. Blob Marley

          Se, we hear “preserving Christian values” here in the States and a lot of us hear things like “don’t let them gays get married” and “contraception encourages sex, so let’s get rid of it.” Christian values in America tend to be ass-backwards and overbearing.

        7. Zababcd

          Because whenever “Christian values” don’t include the things that don’t make any sense, they’re called “moral values”.

        8. iSaidCandleja-

          Santorum has been arguing that the founding fathers did NOT want Christianity separated from government, but that they wanted government separated from religion. He somehow tried to claim that the concept of free speech supports this, because politians should be free to express their beliefs, even in the laws they make. (I don’t think he’d extend this freedom to pagan politicians).

        9. Bekah

          I think Santorum’s been pretty clear in his belief that everyone should be perfectly equal. Everyone. In the world.

          And that white, heterosexual, Christian men are the only people who qualify as part of “everyone”

        10. gangler

          I suspect that if we looked into it we could narrow “Christian” down to “American Catholics”.

        11. Mr. Morningstar

          Well good thing Im a gay Irish Atheist then.

        12. gangler

          What with the fundamental premise of democracy you’d think so wouldn’t you?

        13. Blue

          Officially there is no religious test, but there’s effectively one because people won’t vote for an atheist. (I don’t have any polls to base this on, so a very large grain of salt, though.)

        14. Tualha

          Oh my, do you have a lot to learn about America. Out of 535 members of Congress, there is exactly one open atheist. Every presidential candidate in either party has to talk about their religious beliefs. America is by far the most religious of the industrialized democracies, and the one with the lowest acceptance of the theory of evolution.

          Be glad you live in Europe. Wish I did.

      3. Historyman68

        Obama went to church, and all that got him was everybody getting mad about his pastor. And then they still said he was a secret Muslim.

    2. David

      Dorothy can’t be President for another 20 years anyway, and eventually twenty years in the future an atheist President might be feasible.

      1. ryan

        my great great grandchildren are going to have fun reading that arc.

        1. Roborat

          Who are you kidding, it will still be this arc.

      2. hotsauce

        I’m not so optimistic. In a recent poll, something like 33% of people wouldn’t vote for a muslim for government office. But almost 50% wouldn’t vote for an atheist.

        1. David

          You misread me. Since Dorothy’s never growing up “eventually twenty years later” could be a lot longer than twenty years from now.

        2. HiEv

          So, you’re not saying “2032+”, you’re saying “2116+” (assuming a rate of 1 week in comic = 1 year in real time).

          Hope I’m still reading it then! 😀

        3. gangler

          Really hope they figure out how to make a cyborg out of me before I die. From there it’s pretty much smooth sailing living until they hook me up with a positronic brain and then I’m immortal!

          Willis is in the clear though. He’s an influential web-cartoonist. Hell be first on the list of people we bring back through cloning for the betterment of society.

  11. lord of dance

    vice president is definitely the way to go, you gain relative publicity with none of the flak, you get on the short track to the future presidency unless you really suck as a person, and to top it all of you really dont have to do anything

    1. mechaqua

      Except break a tie in the Senate!

      1. lord of dance

        which doesn’t happen much, especially in todays super polarized senate. i dont think ive heard bidens name more than a handful of times in the past 4 years

        1. fellixe

          She could work “on the dark side. In the shadows..”

        2. mechaqua

          So being a lobbyist?

      2. Vex Godglove

        And protect the Space-Time Continuum.

  12. Romanticide

    No Dorothy! Don’t settle for less! Aim for more!! 😀

    1. Kernanator

      She should be Emperess of the World!

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        No, she needs to join the Illuminati, that way, she can control the US behind the scenes.

        1. mechaqua

          So by Illuminati you mean she should become a lobbyist?

        2. lord of dance

          yeah but i dont think she knows anyone in the free masons, so first she needs to go to washington to make connections, then comes the power, then the women

      2. Roborat

        She should be Sailor Galaxia.

    2. Aizat

      But if you aim low, you’ll never be disappointed.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        If you aim low, nuts will be crushed.

        1. mechaqua

          Unless you are lady! what gets crushed when they aim low?

        2. Plasma Mongoose

          If you kick a girl ‘down there’ she might end up with a ‘fat lip’ if you know what I mean.

        3. fellixe

          Kick a lady there and nuts will be crushed. Count on it.

        4. Plasma Mongoose

          Ladies have nuts?

        5. Tualha

          You’re assuming the kicker is male.

        6. Plasma Mongoose

          Oh, you’re talking about the retaliational kick…

        7. ryan

          if you’re a lady then johnny cage just does the splits. still an entertaining move, but it doesn’t get you any closer to performing a fatality.

  13. Kernanator

    Go the distance, Dorothy! Aim for world domination!

    1. mechaqua

      Joyce: gee : Dorothy what are we going to do tonight?
      Dorothy: Same thing we do every night. Try to take over the world!

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        Dina: “NARF!”

        1. Bekah

          I have an internet. I give it to you.

      2. Aizat

        “Joyce and Dorothy, yes Joyce and Dorothy, One is an…..” A little help here guys?

        1. mechaqua

          One is pretentious the other’s naive.
          They’re college schoolgirls
          Their undetermined majors.
          They’re Joyce and the Dorothy Dorothy Dorothy Dorothy

          Before each night is done
          They’re home work will not be done
          By the dawning of the sun
          They’ll take their books and run.

        2. Historyman68

          Teamwork!!

        3. Aizat

          Thank you very much, mechaqua for your help.

        4. Mr. Morningstar

          You must have so many internets by this point I dont think giving you another would make a difference.. But I will do it anyway.

    2. Keulan

      World domination’s not enough. Go for ruling the entire universe. Better yet, all of space and time! Muahahaha! …I’m totally not plotting this, by the way.

      1. Roborat

        As I said upthread, Sailor Galaxia.

  14. Tristan J

    Going from Ethan to Sarah.

    I approve, Willis.

  15. Wack'd

    …I have just noticed that bandana.

    The only person I know who wears bandanas is my father.

    So that’s why I constantly expect her to quote Monty Python.

    1. Tristan J

      I will not make a Metal Gear reference. I will not make a Metal Gear reference. I will not make a Metal Gear reference.

      Wack’d’s dad? Wack’d’s dad?! WACK’D’S DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD

      … Damn it.

      1. Wack'd

        …wut

        1. Tristan J

          Solid Snake wears a bandanna.

          Yeah, it’s not even remotely funny.

        2. Aizat

          It’s funny if you point at the bandanna and said “Infinite ammo”

        3. ryan

          or ask how every plant and animal tastes.

  16. mechaqua

    So I am just going to ask this what major is Dorothy taking that requires that much homework the first week of school and that homework makes you give up on your goal? I am assuming she is not an engineering or physical science major.

    1. lord of dance

      there is a LOT of hw in engineering. that being said, her basic goal seems to be to do well enough that she can transfer into an ivy league school and take it from someone who transferred himself, you gotta stand out to transfer to an out of state school and id imagine it to be doubly certain for an ivy

    2. iSaidCandleja-

      Her “homework” might not be for a specific class. She could be building a portfolio of some sort. Lord Of Dance is right about needing to stand out for a transfer, so it could even be multiple personal projects.

    3. gangler

      First week of class I’m sure all the professors handed out the list of required readings, the subjects they’d be covering, and the schedule for when every assignment will be due and what that assignment will entail. She’s got an entire semester’s worth of homework in front of her if she’s looking to be productive.

  17. Azrael

    I must. =P

  18. Hawk

    Did you recently change the resolution of your comics? I read them by RSS to my tablet and yours was one of the nicer-looking ones, but then a few weeks ago, they started coming in smaller and looking blurry if I tried to zoom in on them. I still read, of course, I was just wondering if you might consider changing the resolution back to make it easier to read. Thanks.

  19. Maycroft

    This reminds me of a saying of my uncle:

    “don’t worry about getting good grades at college. By the time you graduate more than half of what you learned will be useless”

  20. Rogue of Space

    Cause this is my United States or wwhatevver

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