343

Rebalance
Posted on September 29, 2013 by David M Willis

343 thoughts on “Rebalance”

  1. Geminia999

    So, Amber still likes, and yet hates Danny? Man, the comment section is overflowing into the comic!

    1. thecanvashat

      Amber has been taken. No one shall remain. Glory to the comments.

    2. LS

      In what way does she hate him? She seems rather pro-Danny all around.

      1. Geminia999

        Her, “I really LIKED him” comment, sounds like some hate to me.

        1. Vivvav

          I think that’s meant to be “I liked him and I screwed it all up!”

        2. dranorter

          Quite. “I liked him while it lasted” or “I liked being around him” or somesuch. Past tense can be complicated!

        3. CommentSpawn

          I’d like to come down on the side of it being possible to no longer like someone romantically and still not hate them.

        4. saltchocolate

          ^ That.

        5. Fen_Star

          In most cases I would think that right after the breakup/fight/whatever there would be some strong resentment, or at least emotion which could, in the short term, be expressed as hatred. Even, or perhaps especially, if she is mad at herself and still likes him, she could be angry at him.

        6. taekwondogirl

          Even if the past tense indicates she no longer likes him (which I don’t think is the case), that doesn’t mean she went from like to hate.

        7. DudeMyDadOwnsADealership

          Of course not. It’s herself she’s currently hating for failing to take full responsibility for everything her relationship with Danny, including his inability to tell pick up on how Amber and Amazi-Girl are connected.

        8. JDavis

          “I used to like Danny. I still do, but I used to, too”

    3. Rani

      DANNY’S ARC WILL BEND OR BREAK TO OUR WILL. IT IS MERELY A QUESTION OF WHETHER MIKE WILL TAKE A CELEBRATORY DUMP ON THE FORMER’S BED IN THE AFTERMATH.

      1. thecanvashat

        Question?

        1. Aizat

          Exclamation point!

        2. Ancestral Hamster

          Full colon:

        3. Mr. Random

          This trend stops now, period.

        4. Featherstone

          However, comma

        5. Ancestral Hamster

          Comma splice,

        6. Chris

          & ampersand stop

        7. The Chosen One

          Em—wait for it—Dash

        8. vsophi

          Then, there’s an ellipsis…

        9. The Chosen One

          ‘Postrophes, (Parentheses)
          #Pound, *Star, Diëreses,
          [Square brackets], ,
          Míscèllâñḝöȕs dīåçrȋtǐcs
          Hyphen-minus, Under_Score,
          maybe I’ll come back later with more

        10. The Chosen One

          Dammit that was supposed to say angle brackets in the third line but it thought it was an html tag
          Just pretend it says that it’ll sound way better

        11. Ziaheart

          I think you meant ast*risk.

        12. Kiggy

          You all forgot accents
          Àēîóü

          And other diacritical marks.

          But why are they diacriticizing??????

        13. Tachyon

          Because modifying pronunciation makes more sense than absolutizing‽

          Interrobang!

        14. begbert2

          Interrobang?!

        15. Ocbrad1

          At least until he literally shits the bed.

      2. silvester crow

        Or tells danny that he boldly went where no danny has gone before whil walking out of ambers room.

    4. Andiemus

      “We loves the Danny we loves the Danny! No, we hates the Danny hhhhaaaatttessssss it!”

      1. saltchocolate

        ahahaha! LOTR — always appropriate.

    5. That Damn Rat

      Where are getting the and hates bit? Amber clearly feels, rightly IMO, that this mess is her own fault.

      1. MrMercury

        seriously though, all she has to do is tell him that she’s amazi girl
        oh wait that’s sal

      2. begbert2

        People around here will lunge at and cling to anything that can be (mis-)interpreted as Amber saying she is drawing away from Danny. (Which is synonymous with hatred.) This is because they Hatses Danny with a burninging passions forever because he is the dark lord of the apocalypse.

        1. Strangeshapes

          No, I like Danny; I think he’s a nice guy, and a pretty safe, stable one for Amber. I can’t help it that I still feel like Amber’s OTP is right here in this strip. And he even looks like he’s a little miffed at her feelings for Danny. Of course, he’s kind of always miffed, so I guess that doesn’t say much.

  2. David Herbert

    And then Mrs. Warner swoops in to give heartfelt advice. And a shit-ton of cookies.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Hash brownies, made with real hash no less. 😀

      1. Keroshino

        The best kind of brownies! 😀

      2. Reynard-Miri

        Oh man, Mrs. Warner is the best!

      3. captainswift

        By “real hash”, I assume you mean corned beef?

    2. Aizat

      And pie, don’t forget the pie.

    3. The Steve

      Nice Ghostbusters quote 😀 Venkman FTW

      1. The Steve

        Whoops, this somehow ended up in response to the wrong comment -_-

        1. begbert2

          Don’t worry about it. Everything awesome ever said was said in the Ghostbusters movies; we just may not remember it all because of awesomeness overload and the resulting amnesia.

  3. Super Duper

    …someone likes Danny? We are doomed! Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling! Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together… mass hysteria!

    1. Aizat

      I like Danny.

      1. Super Duper

        See? The future is gone!

        1. thecanvashat

          Tonight, and the day after, is the night of Danny.

        2. Aizat

          I thought the future’s already gone what with people generally being this self-important pricks nowadays.

        3. thecanvashat

          It’s still there, I assure you. Everyone’s dead is all.

        4. Andiemus

          Because there have never been self-important pricks before in the history of mankind.

        5. Aizat

          Not in bulk.

        6. Keroshino

          But…the future refused to change!

        7. xKiv

          It is still hungry.

    2. Wack'd

      Time has warped and space is bendable!

  4. Plasma Mongoose

    Cos hetrosexual men are sooo hard to find…. 😛

    1. Viktoria

      In a Willis comic? Yeah, they are. Isn’t it grand?

      1. Aizat

        Well, I only find 2…and one of them is Joe.

        1. thecanvashat

          Joe, Walky, Danny, All of the parents probably, uhhh…

          Jason, Beef, some other jerkwads,

          Galasso?

        2. Aizat

          OK, apparently I should really reread the whole thing.

        3. Chris Phoenix

          I thought Evan’s father was likely closeted? (Hoping I remember the name right)

        4. Aizat

          You mean, Ethan?

        5. thecanvashat

          Thus the probably.

        6. Galatine

          Wait, wait, Beef is in this comic?

        7. thecanvashat

          http://www.dumbingofage.com/tag/beef/

        8. thecanvashat

          Crap, I forgot the Dean.

        9. thecanvashat

          And Faz.

        10. Keroshino

          Faz is a special case!

        11. vsophi

          You think Faz is straight?

          …Er, I guess in this universe, that’s all he’s really shown to be.

        12. A5PECT

          Allow Faz to show you these diagrams of the Kinsey scale…

        13. taekwondogirl

          He’s been shown to be attracted to females. That alone doesn’t mean he’s straight!

        14. vsophi

          ^ True, but he hasn’t been shown to be anything else.

        15. taekwondogirl

          @vsophi I’m going off of his portrayal in Shortpacked, but he could be played straight in DoA (har).

          It’s just frustrating when people always forget that bi people (like myself!) exist and are an option. Not that I really want Faz in my camp.

        16. Fen_Star

          “The Faz” in shortpacked never expressed love IMO, rather a perverse desire to prove ones own greatness by copulating with a human female. All interactions seemed devoid of any emotion save ego. If society told him that he should love men, he would have. Also, when he first brought out the diagrams of the Kinsey scale, he indicated that he had had sex with a male IIRC.

          That being said, if you have a main character that is gay, he is probably going to date gay people, which will increase the percentage of homosexuals in the comic. If you look at main chars, Ethan is the only gay male.

        17. Lanval

          Going through the list;

          You’ve got Danny,
          Joe [who likes Lady Parts but isn’t exactly about to go steady yet],
          Mike [Saying Mike “likes” anything is dodgy at best],
          Ethan [Nope]
          Walky [Currently Dating her Blonde Clone].

          Only minor Male Character with a name who wouldn’t be awful [or impossible: see Dean, Parents, etc] to date is probably Jacob. Beef might also be okay as a person but we don’t see much of him.

        18. Reynard-Miri

          I’m pretty sure that Galasso does not count.

        19. das-g

          He’s a difficult case. For all we know (from either ‘verse) he’s (only?) into females. But to qualify as straight, one might argue, he’d need to be able to tell the difference.

        20. DarkVeghetta

          Huh. Now that… that I did not expect. But then again I’m not done reading one ‘verse, let alone all of them.

      2. Wonder Wig

        It’s a reverse world where legislation had to be passed to make straight marriage legal.

      3. MarcinMN

        I would agree with that. There is a LOT of homosexual hand-wringing in this comic. I haven’t read the other Willis comics, but I’m getting the impression they were the same in that regard.

        1. MarcinMN

          And that was supposed to be a response to Viktoria up above….not sure why it landed down here. 😉

        2. begbert2

          I don’t remember much of that in Roomies!. Of course, Willis was much younger at the time, which (iirc) translates into ‘more fundy’.

    2. gangler

      It seems really easy to find a heterosexual man until you find you’ve spent years following a false lead.

      1. Reynard-Miri

        Heh. Well said.

  5. Bunivasal

    There are other dudes who like lady parts.

    1. Ancestral Hamster

      “… but only if they are 2D.”

      1. Super Duper

        Poor Hatsune Miku. She’ll never get the D.

        1. Foxhack

          Not according to some comics!

        2. Ancestral Hamster

          “Poor Hatsune Miku”? Most otaku do nothing but drool over her! Luckily she is not real because she’d have the creepiest stalkers!

        3. Plasma Mongoose

          Hatsune Miku may look good but when it comes to singing, I like Megurine Luka’s voice a lot better.

        4. Ancestral Hamster

          Actually, never heard either of them. More interested in the 3D cosplayers myself.

        5. Super Duper

          Here is both of them. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GwRo8fQtqpE

        6. Ancestral Hamster

          Thanks for the link. Hatsune Miku did the lead in the video, so I couldn’t really hear Megurine Luka. So I found Megurine Luka’s “Just be Friends”, and like PM, find her singing voice better.

        7. begbert2

          Okay, I gotta say, the technology that supports those girls is just awesome. I don’t even know what it is but still. Holy crap.

          Um, sorry for the interruption folks.

        8. vsophi

          excuse me gumi is the best

        9. Ancestral Hamster

          At this point both the Miku and Luka fans stop their arguing, look at you, and say, “Go sit in the corner.” 😉

        10. Ocbrad1

          I’d only ever heard one of Hatsune Miku’s songs (The World Is Mine-live) after a weird YouTube Roulette session, but I liked it. Just listened to a couple of Luka’s songs. If I was going to just listen to the audio, I’d pick Luka’s voice as the one I preferred. Once you factor in the visual element, I think Hatsune’s voice works better. But what do I know? Besides the original Robotech cartoon back in the 80s, my Japanese geekiness is primarily JDM automotive related. That’s actually how I discovered Hatsune Miku. She apparently sponsored a Japanese auto racing team a few years ago, and it was the car videos that led me to her video.

      2. Historyman68

        It’s too bad she’s more Murdok’s type

    2. Bill

      I prefer the whole lady, not just the parts.

      1. Aizat

        I like the lady and the personality. Really wanted to avoid finding one who act like my mother.

  6. saltchocolate

    Amber is blaming herself? Sigh. Her dad has really done a number on her.

    1. Viktoria

      It’s not Danny’s fault, and Amber realizes that. So she blames herself, because process of elimination. And there is some truth to that, she could have avoided this if shed been honest and looked at things from his perspective, but, well, college student.

      1. saltchocolate

        Okay. But if she realizes all that, why won’t she just tell him about Amazi-girl??? Then he’d know she wasn’t just taking advantage of him.

        1. dimblecon

          Yeah, there’s nothing anywhere about this situation that anyone needs to be blamed for; shit, she’s STILL DATING the guy she’s upset wouldn’t date her.

          She just can’t see that because that’s the mindset you develop when you have a physically and psychologically abusive, total-piece-of-shit parent. “What is wrong with this situation, and how is it my fault” is how you think, because that’s how you were raised to think.

        2. Khantalas

          I think like that all the time, and I don’t even have an abusive parent. Just really oblivious ones.

        3. Andiemus

          Except that she clearly doesn’t think like that with Blaine (notice she punched him that’s not the actions of someone who blames themselves for their abuse) so why would she think like that with Danny?

        4. Historyman68

          While logical, that does not follow. Many people can punch/want to punch their abuser and also blame themselves. Humans are complicated as hell.

        5. Andiemus

          But if that’s what happened, instead of running away she would have been immediately trying to come up with some way to fix it.

        6. John

          Hopefully, Amber has realized that she can’t just keep dating Danny as Amazi-Girl now. She needs to either tell him or dump him. I’m hoping for both, but afraid she will do neither. She had the perfect opportunity for either or both back at the bridge, but Dannied it.

        7. Sunrea

          Damn, Amber officially Dan’d something. Wow. It’s a weird sort of level of Danning we’re at now.

        8. David Herbert

          The problem is, she was. She used his naivete to date him under another identity, even trying to get him to buy her an expensive present at one point. He thinks Amazi-Girl is someone else and Amber could have easily just said no, or under the AG ID just told him there was a chance Amber would forgive him for making her his second pick.

          The big problem now is she can’t tell him because it’s been weeks and if he figures out he was being used, he may do something harsh like tell Dorothy her identity.

        9. Bill

          Like Superman, Amazi-Girl shows up only on her own schedule.  There’s no “Amazi-Girl symbol” to summon her when she is needed, so Danny could never have that conversation.  Instead, Amber had done the next best thing by telling Danny (repeatedly) that Amazi-girl would be all right with it.  Of course Danny was being his naive and socially inept self, as well as trying to remain loyal to a chimera-like love interest, and never picked up on it.  Just more proof that if you want to drop a clue for Danny it has to be about as subtle as a sledgehammer.

        10. Andiemus

          That’s what I’ve been saying.

        11. That Damn Rat

          And her failure to do so is, again, her fault.

    2. That Damn Rat

      She’s blaming herself because this is her fault.

  7. Jack Finch

    This ain’t the person to talk to Amber.

    1. begbert2

      Ah, but you forget sir, the whole point of these shenanigans is to create hijinks. (Or maybe that’s the other way around.)

      And then when we’re all wailing and crying, Willis drinks our tears.

    2. The Candyman

      Mike isn’t the person to talk to anyone. And yet he’s probably the most well adjusted of the cast. Funny, that.

  8. agentksilver

    Mike and Amber 4vr.

    1. John

      I’ve said before that I don’t think this Amber is evil enough to handle Mike yet.

      But it occurs to me that if he were to take her off somewhere and wrong her ’til she had a good scapegoat or two, she might be a little less desperate about this whole thing.

      1. kixon shadowbane

        or she chould keep him drunk like dina did in joyce and walky

        1. begbert2

          Because that worked out great!

          Of course DoA! seems to be vaguely more centered in reality, so it would probably end with Mike dead of alcohol poisoning.

        2. The Candyman

          I still think that should have happened in It’s Walky.

        3. John

          I’m pretty sure keeping someone drugged just because you don’t like their personality when sober qualifies as “evil”.

    2. Strangeshapes

      Yes! And even though I’m wildly shipping here, does it seem to you that Mike is a little jealous, in his weird Mike way?

  9. Corsair114

    Humm, seems like both Danny and Amber have some soul-searching and growing to do.

    1. Andiemus

      Danny? For what? Having a kink for spandex?

      1. Keroshino

        Yes?

  10. Bill

    “rebalance in favor of elves again”??  Just whattheheck is *THAT* supposed to mean?  Or is this something that only readers of the other Walkyverses will understand?

    1. brionl

      I seem to recall she plays some online RPGs. That’s a common complaint, “the other races (that aren’t the one I play) are too powerful.”

      1. Aizat

        And to them I say “They aren’t broken, you’re complaining because you got your ass kicked by one.”

    2. Ancestral Hamster

      I’m assuming it is referring to the online RPG she plays. While I don’t play WoW or EQ or any of those games, enough of my friends do that I hear similar complaints when the game changes things, and it isn’t in their favor.

    3. The Candyman

      I took it as WoW joke.

    4. Sunrea

      Willis has said, multiple times, that this is a stand-alone comic. I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t make jokes that clearly reference the other Walkyverses. I have only read Shortpacked! and DoA but so far as I can remember, DoA hasn’t had a single other universe reference. Every once and awhile a character will cameo for a brief moment that plays a more important role in another universe (Faz’s few strips come to mind) but nothing actually confusing like dialogue.

      The rebalancing elves joke is a reference to MMORPGs (massively multiplayer online role playing games). They ‘balance’ character base stats in the games (or something similar that, depending on the game) and every once and awhile they will ‘rebalance’ to try and make the game better/more fair. If you play a character that’s stats got lowered by the rebalancing, you’d be frustrated. Presumably, Amber was frustrated when it happened to her and Mike is now teasing her about it.

  11. Keroshino

    Mike, quit being such a jerk!

    1. thecanvashat

      Water, stop being wet!

      1. Sunrea

        Fire, quit being so hot!

    2. Super Duper

      You’ll turn into Kyubey!
      “Your mom made a contract.”

      1. Saru

        Did you expect anyone to get that reference? Oh sh……;_;

        1. Super Duper

          Yup. /人 ◕ ‿‿ ◕ 人

        2. AgentKeen

          Those eyes…
          -kills it-
          /人 ◕ ‿‿ ◕ 人
          …Crap.

        3. Kiggy

          You three win the interwebs tonight

        4. vsophi

          being meguca is suffering

      2. Keroshino

        Steve Rogers: I understood that reference.

        1. AgentKeen

          Good job, Reindeer Games.
          (I rewatched Avengers last night, gotta love the banter).

    3. Geminia999

      That’s like telling a fish to stop swimming

  12. Pyr05

    Let Danny coat you with his gullible, wishy-washy sap. It’s great for getting out those really ingrained stains on your life.

    1. thecanvashat

      But it’s sticky, and makes more stains!

      1. KingMabel

        Plus it’s hard to get out of your hair!

        So I’ve heard…

    2. Oxyvolt

      So, if Amber is going to be stuck in sap, that meand she’ll… Be stuck in amber? (Oh, also, in a difficult relationship.)

      1. ninja_jesus

        Just like a mosquito!

        1. Dr Von Z.

          So, if Amber is stuck in amber, and Amber is a mosquito, does it mean Amber is stuck in a mosquito ?
          Or a mosquito is stuck in Amber ?

        2. Super Duper

          Finally, Dina’s dream come true!

  13. Kernanator

    Two saps meet, and it’s anything but sweet.

    1. thecanvashat

      The sap gets eaten by a bear.

      1. Ancestral Hamster

        “Look for the bear necessities, the simple bear necessities …”

    2. saltchocolate

      Kernanator, you’re such a poet.

      1. begbert2

        Shh! Now that he knows it, he’ll doubtlessly use it for evil.

    3. Valdrax

      I read that in the voice of a movie trailer narrator.

  14. Cliff

    Wow, I’d forgotten Mike and Amber were a thing in shortpacked. Wonder if that’s gonna be a thing in this. And I mean, Amber did kind of take advantage of Danny, but it was for a good fucking reason. Which she probably wasn’t comfortable going into with him. Like think about it from Danny’s perspective. Essentially, she forced herself into his day for no reason, and made him a liar. And fucked with his emotions. This was ALL worth her getting away from her crazy SOB of a Dad, but with Danny not knowing that, he has more than enough right to be ticked with her.

    1. Reddo

      They’re married now.
      …I sorta hope it is.

      1. begbert2

        I’d sort of prefer if the relationships played out different in this comic. Mix things up a little.

        I mean, if you still need some Amber/Mike, it’s just one archive away.

        1. Sunrea

          I pretty much ship MikexAnybody. Mike is my favorite character. But I definitely agree with you on mixing things up. AmberxMike is great in Shortpacked! but I think I’d like to see something different here. Of course, if Willis does do AmberxMike again, I won’t complain.

    2. Reynard-Miri

      Personally, I think that it would have been easier on Danny (and their friendship) if she’d hung out with his family as his friend instead of his girlfriend.

  15. Smartkitty

    She’s neglecting to mention that she “took advantage” of a guy she already DATES. A moron who can’t see he’s dating the masked version of the same girl. I hope Danny gets nutpunched by Mike.

    1. Keroshino

      This would be a good solution!

      Mike…punch some sense into Danny.

      1. begbert2

        But if it’s via nutpunching then his like of lady parts might get broken.

        1. Keroshino

          It’s a risk I am willing to take!

    2. Andiemus

      She still could have totally fixed it at any point pretty much until five minutes ago really easily, so if Danny deserves a punch so does she for being stupid.

    3. Reynard-Miri

      I’m not seeing what you’re getting at. Many people take advantage of their dates. I believe that’s where the term gold digger comes from?

  16. John

    I’m pretty sure Buckets of Blood Guy likes girl parts, too. (Though possibly not when still attached to the girl.) And I’d bet money he’s available! Maybe Amber should start looking that direction.

  17. AgentKeen

    Danny’s BF Resume:
    1. Availability
    2. Likes girl parts
    3. Very punchable
    4. Likes bedskirts
    5. Won’t complain about your shoes if you don’t complain about his

    1. saltchocolate

      6. Makes a great ex-boyfriend.

      1. Khantalas

        He even gives your new boyfriend his shoes, which is pretty swell of him.

      2. narmenduke

        7. Unironically enjoys watching My Little Pony.

        1. Keroshino

          There are a lot of people who unironically like my little pony…I don’t see how that makes Danny special.

        2. begbert2

          There’s lots of people who like girl parts too, so I’m not sure there’s much of a filter on this list.

    2. Aizat

      So, it’s my resume except the lack of “constantly talking about Dragon Ball and Super Robots and generally older stuff”, “childish”, “is generally lazy but still gets the job done”, “very easily bored”, “over imaginative” and “views life with both optimism and pessimism at the same time”. But nix the “likes bedskirts” part.

      1. Vivvav

        So it’s not your resume.

        1. Aizat

          It’s like my resume but just add the stuff I mentioned plus “socially awkward” and remove “Likes bedskirts”.

        2. Stereo

          Oh, I added “socially awkward” already.

        3. Khantalas

          So it’s not like your resume.

        4. Jackson

          But it is exactly like the first five items of his resume!

          Which is not what he said. I know.

        5. begbert2

          It’s exactly like his resume except for all the different parts. So it’s a veritable clone.

        6. Valdrax

          So, it’s just like the recipe for cupcakes, except you remove the sugar, fry it in a skillet instead of baking it in an oven, and put syrup instead of frosting on top of it when you’re done.

          Practically the same thing.

      2. Thasvaddef

        It’s actually Joe’s resumé too if you replace “bed” with “Joyce wearing “

        1. John

          Joe’s resumé includes full-motion video.

        2. AgentKeen

          Except it says ‘Not a Rosenthal’ in bold at the bottom.

      3. Kiggy

        Damn, that’s ME!

        Are you my doppelgangster O.o?????

  18. Rani

    gals i dont think dannys seeing amazi-girl ever again

    1. Vash

      Yep, he just unknowingly screwed himself over big time.

      1. Andiemus

        No, Amber screwed him over as well as herself for no reason.

    2. Keroshino

      This is exactly what I said two days ago!

    3. Jack Finch

      No. Amber has too many needs to shrug this off. Amazigirl is where she finds her control. I’m not saying it’s going to happen, but based on the partition of personality between them, Amazigirl would tell Danny she is Amber before Amber got up the nerve to tell Danny she’s Amazigirl.

      1. taekwondogirl

        You know what, that’s actually a really good point.

      2. Historyman68

        Yep.

  19. caesaria82

    Sometimes all I want to do is hug Amber real tight and tell her everything’s gonna be ok. Right now is one of those times.

    1. Aizat

      Hugs: the most effective way to bring joy to someone.

      1. Andiemus

        Unless they’re Sarah

        1. Keroshino

          Then the solution: Hug tighter! 😀

        2. Andy

          Because it’s the only way to immobilize her bat-wielding arm.

        3. xKiv

          How about Female Incapacitation Attack?
          (not linking TVtroops, or even Casey&Andy)

    2. Badeyes

      I would happily administer hugs to Amber. She is awesome despite some pretty solid resistance to awesome development in her life.

  20. Bilfred

    I think Mike is going to lay down some cold hard truths for Amber.

    1. Keroshino

      It’s really the best thing he could do!

  21. Vash

    I feel like Mike is the most logical person in this universe.

    1. AgentKeen

      Well, there is a reason he’s an asshole.

    2. Blackbird

      This or any other universe, yes

    3. Jack Finch

      He’s cold. Emotion doesn’t color his observations.

      1. The Candyman

        He’s like Spock, if Spock had a penchant for fucking people’s moms.

        1. Shade

          It’s hard to pin down just what sort of character Mike is. There’s no denying that he’s an asshole. At the same time, he often calls out other people’s bullshit, which suggests that he has some sort of goal of improvement in mind. One can never tell if he’s a jerk just because he wants to be, or if he takes a tough love approach to making those around him into better people.

          Two things are for certain: he is scary good at reading people, and he is very, very patient.

  22. gangler

    Man, that’s gotta suck as far as dilemmas go. She wants somebody she can trust, but she’s not personally ready to actually commit the act of trusting. Her needs go unfulfilled even as she can see that satisfaction is within what should be easy each because the actual act of reaching is anything but easy for her.

  23. Nym

    Oh, Amber. Amber, Amber, Amber.

  24. dailybrad

    I hope she fixes this. I hope she gives him a chance to truly, for the first time, accept her, since she has been holding a lot back in both of her forms. I want this for her sake, even though I do like Danny. I think it would do her a lot of good to be seen for what she is, and accepted, to show her that she is not a monster like Blaine.

  25. Featherstone

    We need more Mike!

    1. lilith

      Yes indeed! I love to see him interacting with Amber as friends, but I don’t think they are ready to be a couple yet. Also I want more Mike and Ethan. I wouldn’t mind to know more about their past in high school. Just tint your heads and flashback. Please.

      1. lilith

        Tilt not tint.

  26. Variaman

    That’s weird. Danny brought Amazigirl and Amber doughnuts. What a coincidence.

  27. Doctor_Who

    Best pick up line ever.

    Me: You know…I like lady parts.
    Ladies: *swoon*

    1. Vash

      It has worked for me before, unless it’s just because I’m stunning.

    2. Bilfred

      Apparently the opposite works on Joyce.

      1. Khantalas

        Icwatudidthar.

  28. timemonkey

    I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: Amber, raise your damn standards!

    1. Thasvaddef

      Raise the standards upon the battlements! Blow the war-trumpets! And ride proudly into the din of battle!

  29. Ryune

    I really like all the things this reveals about Mike and Amber’s dynamic in this world. He obviously knows her well enough to know that a WoW nitpick would have her bummed out, he knows that the first thing to bag on is the guy that has Amber down, and she obviously trusts him enough to open up to him like that.

    He’ll probably say a jerk-ish comment because that’s how Mike rolls, but it’s clear that these two are good friends.

    1. dailybrad

      Yeah, they go way back. It’s a testament to Willis as a writer in that he can make Mike be his dickish self with Ethan and Amber, and the tone of it is still entirely different than when he does it with others.

      1. saltchocolate

        +1

  30. Jetstream

    Mike’s completely right here, Amber.

    1. Urzu13

      I think there is some value in this comic not keeping the same couples as the original universe. It’s interesting, although slightly stressful and confusing sometimes, to see them go a different way. I love Amber with Mike, but i hope THIS Amber and Mike do not get together.

      1. Trisar

        I think what Jetstream meant was “Mike’s completely CORRECT here,” not “Mike is completely PERFECT for you here.”

      2. Bill

        Remember that for some of us there is no other universe; THIS (DoA) is our first introduction to these characters.

        1. Urzu13

          True… You need to go read the others now!!! This one was my first of Willis’s work too, and it got me hooked on his art style and characters, so i went and read the others. It’s Walky was definitely my favorite. I highly recommend the others, but i guess i see your point. Without this being a change to a certain individual, the change has no value.

        2. John

          The Walkyverse comics aren’t required reading for getting DoA, but DoA does have a fair amount of bonus funny for those who have read them.

        3. saltchocolate

          And bonus frustration!

        4. Sunrea

          I read DoA and actually went and read Shortpacked! because I liked reading DoA so much. Also, extra bonus, Shortpacked! has much more Mike in it and he is absolutely my favorite.

          And I suppose I just broke the rules because Willis really doesn’t like it when people talk about the other ‘verses in this comic’s comments sections because it’s suppose to be a stand-alone. Oops. I’ll try and shush now.

  31. Zellar

    I really hope Amber comes clean with Danny… They are my favorite couple in this comic.

    1. insomniac

      Willis will torture you.

      There will be happy endings, but on the way there is only pain.

      1. dailybrad

        Which I guess makes the sweet parts sweeter. There is no rainbow without the rain.

        1. ninja_jesus

          There is no sweet without a pinch of salt!

        2. Andy

          Bull. There’s no salt in my sugar, and that’s plenty sweet.

        3. xKiv

          There’s plenty of salt already in you, though.

    2. saltchocolate

      Dotty/Walky for cutest DoA couple!

      1. John

        They’ve got my vote for healthiest couple, too.

        Danny and Amber need to walk away and stop making each other’s issues worse.

  32. Charles Phipps

    I hope Amazi-Girl goes Frank Miller and delivers brutal series of punches to Danny before tossing him to the Mutants.

    *pause*

    Oh God, I’ve become that guy!

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

    1. Keroshino

      One of Us…One of Us!

    2. xKiv

      You are not the guy,
      You *don’t wanna be the guy*.

  33. Gottawonder

    Mike is listening, and talking to her realistically and she is opening up to him. Mike doesn’t pick on defenseless people, he doesn’t cut them any slack, but he doesn’t ambush them either. Not the way he does to whomever he does consider fair game. God(s) help their souls.
    I’d like to see these two together here, they were good in the old strip. They fit.

    1. Stormrunner

      I was about to reply to this effect when I saw your reply. Yes, Mike is doing what Amber is saying Danny does…just Mike isn’t as wishy washy.

    2. vsophi

      “Mike doesn’t pick on defenseless people”

      And yet, he’s the one who helped push Ethan back into the closet…

      1. Nono

        It seemed more of a reverse psychology thing, Mike was pointing out all the horrible things to him if he’d pretended to be straight.

        Didn’t seem to work that well though. I guess denial is stronger than Mike.

      2. anifreik

        Gotta say, I like Mike’s self awareness in that one. 🙂

      3. Galatine

        I think Mike was just as stunned as we were. Blaming Ethan’s decision on Mike feels… wrong, somehow. It doesn’t feel like his MO.

      4. Valdrax

        And if you click the Next button under that comic, you will see that Mike was not supportive of where Ethan went with that train of thought.

        1. vsophi

          pfff, you’re right, I didn’t even notice. My bad.

  34. Norj

    Mike seems jealous.

  35. TaintedSpud

    And that’s why Mike is my favorite character in the strip. Let’s face it people. Between Amber’s inability to face her own issues, Danny’s willfully ignorance, Ethanol being a complete wimp, Joyce being… well Joyce, and everything else. MIKE is probably the most likable person in the comic.

    Scary thought, eh?

    1. Hors Service

      In this light, and putting aside the characters that we don’t know enough about, then I would say that maybe Sarah is more likeable than Mike 🙂

    2. taekwondogirl

      And yet you ignored Sal, Dina, Walky, Billy, Ruth, Sarah…

    3. Jenny Creed

      Of course Mike’s likeable, he’s nothing like a real person. His hair doesn’t even have three dimensions! But seriously, he’s way too good at everything: He’s always perfectly aware of what’s going on, always perfectly aware of how to push everyone’s buttons, always perfectly executing one-liners, always perfectly getting the final word in every conversation he’s part of, always completely right about everything he says, and it’s always funny to everyone except the one he says it too. On top of his perfect record in every physical confrontation – he’s never been hit, he’s never faced any consequences for hitting anyone, he’s always been able to hit the right people at the right time – he seems less like a person and more like a mom-banging force of nature.

      Not that that’s bad. Every comic strip needs a Mike. But I don’t know if we should compare him to other characters with like, human desires and motivations and weaknesses and story arcs.

  36. KZero

    I admit with the giant walls of the past few comics I skimmed around a bit, but it seems like no one acknowledges that Amber was sort of pulling Danny’s butt out of the fire when she popped up and said ‘oh, girlfriend, sure that’s me’.

    His parents were already not buying the ‘sorry you can’t meet her’ crap. And what if he and ‘Amazi-Girl’ kept dating? I’m sure that’d have been smooth sailing. Holidays, after college, all that. Right.

    At the least it’s safe to say he would need a ‘stunt double’ girlfriend at some point(s). Unless he just wanted to compound his lies and complicate them stupidly until it fell apart.

    Depending on the timing and how much Amber heard she was really possibly only doing him a big favor. If you took out her current situation and just saw her pop up it’s a safe bet you’d assume she was granting an assist after overhearing.

    As is that’s at best questionable, but it does help point out that Danny was being an idiot and should have interpreted it as an intentional favor if anything when she did that since she knows he’s ‘Dating Amazi-Girl’ and the timing was so perfect he’d guess what I mentioned above.

    I’m not saying he has to be happy about the situation on the whole or with the nudges she sent out during their outing, but he SHOULD at least be grateful and not be bailing on a friend- even if he would have to make it clear friendship is all that would be going on there.

    Straight up cold and ungrateful, even if there is a pinch of regret in his emotions, it’s only because his decisions were so bad and he knows it deep down.

    1. That Damn Rat

      Except, she didn’t help him at all, she just made the hole he’d dug for himself deeper and intensified the potential fallout. I mean yes, Danny was stupid to reference Amazi-girl to his parents, he should have kept his stupid mouth shut. But that doesn’t make what she did any better. And he is being remarkably perceptive in noticing Amber’s feelings for him, she couldn’t counter his argument for not spending time with her because he was right, he’s just missing a vital piece of information, i.e. that the two women he’s worried about are the same person.

      1. KKoro

        Danny doesn’t “owe” it to his parents to have a girlfriend. Their total assholery doesn’t mean that he’s at fault.

        Seriously, fuck Danny’s parents. The, Blaine, and Ethan’s parents are by far the worst in the strip (since Sal’s at least seem only distant with her, and Joyce’s at least still care for her, even if they are being idiots).

        1. KKoro

          Actually: yeah, if Amber “helped” Danny by playing into his parents’ disapproval of him, then Joyce is “helping” Ethan by playing into his mom’s disapproval of his homosexuality.

          Except Amber’s being worse because at least Ethan consented to that. Screw Danny’s parents, and screw what Amber did here.

        2. Galatine

          I stand by my previous statement that Sal’s parents absolutely adore her, but they cannot handle her. You don’t spend a fortune on catholic boarding school for someone you don’t like. Sal, you know, robbed two convenience stores. While she was probably in junior high.

          My parents would have shipped me off to the military or something, with a tag on my shirt saying ‘keep the bastard’.

        3. Reynard-Miri

          I think I’m going to have to agree to this here. They clearly would have preferred to watch the game with her.

        4. Jason

          Her father seemed genuinely disappointed not to get to spend time with her, sure.
          Her mother didn’t even acknowledge her presence.

          I would have liked to have seen more of Dad Walkerton before she scampered.

        5. Historyman68

          Families totally spend a fortune on people they don’t like. Family obligation is a weird, complex thing.

        6. Fen_Star

          They loved her so much they sent her off to boarding school so they wouldn’t have to see her. And they chose a catholic one because they wanted her to stay just the way she was. If they really hated her they would have raised her themselves instead of letting some (quite possibly crazy) nuns do it.

          There may be some reasons to send someone off to a boarding school, for example in Amber’s case, but I don’t see any here. Perhaps there was some reason other than not wanting to have to deal with her, but it has not been shown yet.

        7. Smartass

          “Seriously, fuck Dannys parents.”

          That’s what Mike did.

      2. KZero

        I was arguing that she could have easily been doing him a favor, not that the favor was the smartest thing to do. Obviously the smart thing would be to not do what he was doing.

        It just seems to me people have painted Amber’s actions in a bad light here when at worst they’re ‘eh’- and that Danny should have appreciated it at least because it worked with his stupidity. Instead he basically just told her to screw off.

  37. Khantalas

    Why am I hoping Mike and Dina hook up and actually last for a while instead of just… crumbling immediately?

    1. Taara

      Do you mean Mike and Amber.

      (Although holy crap Mike/Dina sounds like it might be adorable???)

      1. Khantalas

        Mike and Amber actually ended up married in Shortpacked!, so no.

        1. Keroshino

          Exactly…no use repeating relationships here!

          …well except Robin/Leslie because its adorable!

        2. Khantalas

          Dorothy / Walky, Ruth / Billie (well, almost), Jason / Sal.

        3. John

          After what happened in Roomies!, seeing Ruth/Billie get some actual development makes me happy.

      2. Shade

        Mike and Dina did actually hook up for a while in the original Walkyverse.

        It…….didn’t end well.

        1. Khantalas

          Exactly! I want them to actually work out somehow this time, without the whole… you-know-what.

        2. timemonkey

          Dina did the best she could, though.

      3. Jenny Creed

        I have a hard time imagining them even having a conversation.
        “I like dinosaurs.”
        “So’s your mom.”
        “Yes.”
        “. . .”
        “. . .”
        “Give me something to work with here.”

        1. The Candyman

          That’s pretty much how it went in It’s Walky.

  38. Nono

    Mike pretended to be Dorothy’s new boyfriend for two minutes? Am I missing something or is Mike thinking of the wrong guy?

    1. Keroshino

      http://www.dumbingofage.com/2012/comic/book-3/01-if-the-shoes-split/putyouup/

      There ya go!

      1. Nono

        Man I didn’t even remember that. I might have blocked the day out of my mind because it was about Danny.

        1. Keroshino

          it happens, Danny does seem to have that effect on people.

        2. Nono

          In five years’ time, during a press conference about Dorothy’s presidency campaign, Billie will be interviewing her when Danny bursts into the room, raving about how they used to date. Everyone in the room is staring at him like he’s a madman, while Sarah, the new head of security, stands up and grabs her bat.

        3. The Candyman

          Dorothy’s going to run for president at 23? Guess the Constitution reads different in the Dumbiverse,

        4. David Willis

          By the time Dorothy turns 23, Presidential campaigns will start thirteen years early.

        5. Norj

          They don’t already?

  39. Arkadi

    Liking girl parts is always something to look for in a prospective boyfriend. If you’re a girl, that is.

    1. ninja_jesus

      Unless you’re a lesbian, then it’d be in a girlfriend.

  40. nekobawt

    i really have to wonder what’s next for amazi-girl after today…hiatus, or rampage from which none shall survive?

    1. Keroshino

      I vote rampage! 😀

  41. Daibhid C

    “If I’m not thinking of the same guy, I probably did that anyway.”

  42. Jack Finch

    And to think we get Amber interacting with Stacy next. After this day, what could possibly go right.

  43. Charles Phipps

    This is an excellent build up for the “darker and grittier” Amazi-Girl reboot. I’m looking forward to watch her murder Federal Marshals and pretend to be a stripper in order to get at Danny for her vengeance. *pause* No, wait, that was Huntress on Arrow. Nevermind.

    Still, like all grown up comic fans, I support the deconstruction of superheroines into violent assholes.

    1. Cybersnark

      To be fair, Huntress has always been a violent asshole.

      (Is “bongo” still acceptable as the feminine form of “asshole,” or has its meaning shifted too much?)

      1. taekwondogirl

        I would say that bongo’s meaning hasn’t shifted, it’s always been about denigrating females and shouldn’t be used in this context (or basically any).

        1. timemonkey

          Depends on the area really. Around where I live bongo is pretty much gender neutral and can mean like five different things.

        2. taekwondogirl

          …You realize that even if it’s being used in a gender neutral context, it’s still putting down females, right?

        3. Andiemus

          Does that mean that calling someone a dick is putting down males? Insults work because you’re saying someone is something they’re not, not because you’re necessarily saying they’re something inherently bad, and even if that is what it was, “bongo” doesn’t just mean female, it means female dog used for breeding. The latter part is just about universally more insulting.

        4. Jason

          It’s also about social context. Where I live, “dick” and “cock” are, as insults, almost interchangeable with “conga” and “twat”. I tend to use any of them when frustrated by inanimate objects- or occasionally pets. However, in other places (read: America) one of those words has become a heavily loaded hate-word, and it would be socially unacceptable for me to fling casually around.
          As an example.

        5. Jenny Creed

          I prefer “committer of fornication with she-donkeys” myself.

        6. taekwondogirl

          Except bongo has only recently begun to shift away from being directed at females, and contextually it’s always meant in a way of someone behaving like an extremely unlikeable, high maintenance female.

          Is dick the same? I’d say if it had the same history of being used to marginalize an entire gender, then it would be. However, it hasn’t. I still avoid using it and stick to a gender neutral “asshole”.

  44. hof1991

    Mike’s not good, Mike’s not bad, Mike’s just right.

    1. Batman

      Have another bean.

  45. All Else Fails

    Amazi-Girl: I am Amber!
    Danny: Is this some kind of sick joke!?

    A few weeks of no interaction with Amazi-Girl later…

    Danny: I don’t know what’s wrong. It’s like Amazi-Girl is totally ignoring me. This has Amber written all over it.

    *goes to Amber’s dorm room*

    Danny: *knock knock*
    Dina: Hello.
    Danny: Is Amber here?
    Dina: She is present in the room, yes. Although I wouldn’t say she is.
    Amber: *is playing the hell out of online rpg*
    Danny: Amber, what did you do? Why isn’t Amazi-Girl showing up anymore? You didn’t tell her about the thing, did you?
    Amber: *is playing the hell out of online rpg*

    If I had it in me, I would’ve wrote this into a full storyline splint.

  46. Loren

    KISS HIM!!!!!
    Sorry forgot this wasn’t Shortpacked!

    1. Cat

      Dumbing of Age is like waking up in this weird world where everyone acts pretty much the same except they’re dating different people and you’re stuck there like “But you guys are married. You have a baby.”

      But you can’t really complain because all your dead friends are alive again and Billie’s wearing low-cut shirts.

      1. Urzu13

        Yes. Very much yes.

      2. timemonkey

        Way to casually spoil that for people who haven’t read the other universe for no reason.

        1. The_Master

          No kidding.

        2. John

          What, that Billie doesn’t wear low-cut shirts in the Walkyverse?

          I think it’s a fair warning.

  47. Charles Phipps

    Mike should date Billie.

    I called it.

    You can’t unsee it now.

    Billy can ALSO date Ruth.

    1. Lilly

      Who says I want to unsee it?

      1. The Candyman

        I already ship them.

  48. OkamiKing

    You know, this scene differentiates Walkyverse/SP Mike and DOA Mike pretty clearly. I feel like DOA Mike is clearly trying to comfort Amber in his own weird way.

    1. vonnegut

      Well, I feel like he does that in SP, too.

      1. OkamiKing

        It feels different here though. He seems less antagonistic, or less of a jerk in DOA.

        1. Lanval

          I think DoA is just less zany and more slice of life-y than SP, not to mention other Mike is slightly more mature while also having less overt responsibility.

          In both ‘verses though, he does show a round about desire to help people occaisionally but that anything that isn’t mean is a sign of weakness on his part.

  49. Lilly

    Umm, so Amber, if you could trust him so much, why didn’t you trust him with the identity of his “real” girlfriend. That next date’s gonna be real awkward.

  50. Spacey Lacey

    Oh, man, maybe it’s just the sadist in me, but I still really adore Mike/Amber and desperately want Amber/Danny to be a long, drawn out affair where she ultimately breaks his heart and she and Mike get together on their shared assholery. Maybe while she’s still dating Danny. u.u

    ANGST, HEARTBREAK, AND BUTT JOKES. THESE ARE THE THINGS I LIVE FOR.

    1. Ourorboros

      Well I am new to this continuity, just did an archive dive. But I don’t see how Amber is an ass.
      But yes, I’d like Amber to move on from Danny. Mike’s tendency to straighten things out could be good for Amber. She has issue from both her father (who I could see Mike protecting her from) and Ethan.
      This would also put her around Ethan and therefore Joyce, which would bother Joyce to no end. I’d like that because I don’t like Joyce for her unwillingness to listen and consider other’s advice on non-religious stuff.
      That friction could make Ethan eventually embrace being on a Big 10 campus, which should be full of gays and lesbians.

      1. KKoro

        Amber’s not an ass, she just abused Danny’s trust. As long as she doesn’t start attacking Danny for what he did, she’s still pretty well off.

      2. Lanval

        I think he might mean pent-up Agression but I dunno, Wallis has [thankfully, if you ask me] said that he’s going to avoid repeating pairings from the old strip.

        Amber and Mike already had their story, it was alright in context but I don’t want to see it rehashed as the same thing except IN COLLEGE.

        Maybe both parties will need to go elsewhere for more interesting character growth but I’m just hoping it’s not into the same old storylines.

        It might be interesting to see a bit more of Danny’s old martyr complex come out when he realizes how messed up Amber is; he’s kind of gone from “I feel bad for broken girls and take risks to help and change them because of ridiculous moral standards for myself [and others].” to Joyce level “I met her and she’s my favourite and we should name our future kids.”

        That said, I think I’ll leave it to Wallis since most characters are significantly improved and I think even Danny is a bit more realistic if more boring.

  51. Notebooked

    Mike’s been showing up pretty sporadically lately. Three appearances since May. (This may be good, though, since he usually steals all spotlights.)

    1. Ourorboros

      Without growth, he seems best in small, calculated doses. His function seems to be that of a court jester – to say what others are unwilling to say and to push people in a direction of growth.
      And to give mothers nickels.

  52. inkwell

    Mike and Amber are my OTP

    1. Charles Phipps

      I never actually liked them in the Walkyverse. It seemed unhealthy and disturbing. I still believe it to be so. Here, I could see it.

  53. Brando

    Ah Mike,
    You can even be a total dick even while being a bro.

  54. Bill M.

    I like lady parts too, however I personally have no experience with them. (Hope I still don’t have the angry Mike gravatar)

    1. garblegarble

      sadly, you do, but it’s strangely fitting.

  55. Skizz

    This strip should so have been called “likes girly parts”

    1. David Willis

      I try not to spoil the punchline in the title, for the sake of twitter link-throughs.

  56. Kaci

    Seriously, liking girl parts is a plus

    1. The_Master

      Definitely.

  57. TonalD

    I feel bad for dem D:

  58. nothri

    Amber, no offense, but if that’s your criteria you shouldn’t be too worried about finding someone else.

  59. Maveric1984

    Recent relevant ions make this comic rather ironic.

    1. Maveric1984

      Revelations, not relevant ions… And I just got rid of my TNT molecule gravatar too…

  60. ProjectXa3

    …dear god, I think Panel 2 is the longest sentence Mike has said in any universe without ending on a “your mom” or an insult on par with a message board.

  61. DarkoNeko

    Wow, Mike is almost being nice.
    Really, be it the ShortPacked Mike or the DoA Mike, I can’t really understand them. It’s fascinating.

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