Though if you’ve ever picked up a cookie that looks like chocolate chip, but then you bite into it and realize it’s oatmeal raisins, you’ll probably want to kill others
I wish I could get oatmeal raisin. The Safeways around here only sell oatmeal “craisin”. Meh.
Clif
Around here almost all the convenience store sell Gradma’s Cookies which come in four varieties, Oatmeal Raisin, Chocolate Chip, Pecan, and some monstrosity called double Chocolate or something like that. So Oatmeal Raisin is never further away than your nearest gas station.
I think I’ve told this story before, but back in the before times we had an office party and somebody brought in a big cookie platter. Chocolate chip disappeared first, then the chocolate/chocolate and sugar cookies. The oatmeal raisin ones barely got touched. The two or three of us who liked oatmeal raisin got to have as many cookies as we wanted, everybody else only got one or two.
Plus you get to tell yourself they’re healthier, just like carrot cake!
Self preservation tip: Don’t ever intentionally give oatmeal raisin to team chocolate chip. You’re risking your survival.
And definitely don’t give anybody either one with nuts in it. You’ll get a face full of cookie spit before they kill you.
Ironically, biting into a chocolate chip cookie that I thought was oatmeal raisin WILL kill me.
Well, technically not because I only avoid chocolate for cross-contact reasons, but after thirty-five years of treating it like a poison my brain will assume it’s gonna kill me.
There used to be a commercial for “Quaker Oatmeal Squares.” The character, played as a heavy accented Scotsman, loves the cereal, but can’t believe it’s oatmeal because; “Oatmeal is nasty, grey stuff, thick enough to stop a bullet!”
What are the chances Becky comes in right as Joyce says some religion bashing bullshit she only half means to parrot Liz? Cause I’m feeling like that’s very likely right now.
While the probability is significant, it’s far less than unity. Willis likes to dangle the shoe for awhile and then let it drop when you no longer expect it.
Honestly to me, this seems like one of the more likely scenarios.
They’re just trying to show off to each other how “cool” they are (by the other’s definition), and are caught in a kind of quasi-Pygmalion-effect cycle where they’re trying to out-do or impress each other with more and more intense demonstrations of what they think makes for a “worldly” person.
The million-dollar question is, what’s eventually gonna break the cycle? Just how far are either of them gonna go?
Xenocide
The only logical conclusion is proving that they don’t think there’s an invisible skydaddy who gets mad when you grind on the wrong crotch by grinding on each other’s crotch, like a game of atheist chicken.
It’s basically why I’m personally leaning towards view that atheism is basically just another belief system, at least in some cases – you still have the zealots trying to proselytise you, just without the fancy rituals and places of worship.
to be frank, the “atheism is just the same as a religion” line is pretty obnoxious too. ya, there’s atheists who are assholes. but the war on christmas is imaginary and the war on reproductive rights is real.
and I don’t think it’s wholey the same thing as ‘zeal of the convert’. A fresh apostate can be angry at themselves, their past selves, at how stupid they think they themselves were. It’s not the same as trying to prove oneself to a congregation.
DrunkenNordmann
That’s why I said “in some cases”.
Yotomoe
Not all religions do that thing either, which is why I find it odd that saying atheism is basically a religion unto itself would imply all of those things. You’re comparing Atheism being a religion DIRECTLY to Western (not to make assumptions but presumably American) Christian values rather than the idea of literally every religion on earth. I find THAT pretty obnoxious as well.
Rose by Any Other Name
True that as well.
I’m a very religious neo-pagan, and I don’t give a salty shit what anyone else is as long as they aren’t trying to take away my rights.
aelfwine
“Atheism” is not a religion, for the same reason that “monotheism” isn’t a religion, and “polytheism” isn’t a religion either.
There actually do exist some atheistic religions, like some varieties of Buddhism (I think). But “atheism” by itself is not a religion, for the same reason that monotheism and polytheism isn’t.
Among other crucial differences, religions have rules of “dos” and “don’t”. They codify the behavior of their adherents, they say that this is what you’re allowed to do, this is what you’re obliged to do, this is what you mustn’t do.
Atheism just states a fact about the universe: There isn’t a god.
Nothing there about how you should behave.
Rose by Any Other Name
Well said, Huehuetotl, about the war on Christmas vs the war on reproductive rights.
The weirdest thing about the ‘war on Christmas’ BS is that generic phrases like “happy holidays” have been used for decades if not centuries. It’s only recently that people decided that those phrases were some sort of attack. Ugh.
Thag Simmons
Zeal of the Convert as a pattern of behaviour applies to more than just religion, I think.
I can’t blame Joyce for being not-scared of oatmeal. My parents would often have a bowl of it for breakfast, and to this day any mention of the stuff will cause me to remember the slurping noises they’d make in their later years. Funny how the people who teach you good manners can slack off themselves…
207 thoughts on “Brain genius”
Ana Chronistic
“bc if I WANTED to die, I can TOTES believe if I touch it, I’ll die AND not be scared of it”
Clif
Still, I feel there’s still an essential difference between that and respecting oatmeal.
Deanatay
*pauses while eating his daily oatmeal breakfast to consider this*
Doctor_Who
Silly Joyce. Oatmeal won’t kill you.
Though if you’ve ever picked up a cookie that looks like chocolate chip, but then you bite into it and realize it’s oatmeal raisins, you’ll probably want to kill others
Dunedon
Iām in the exact opposite camp … oatmeal raisin cookies for Everyone!
Clif
Where’s mine?
I kind of feel, that it’s the raisins and cookie components drowning out the oatmeal taste that make it work tho.
Thag Simmons
Like living life on the edge, eh?
brionl
I wish I could get oatmeal raisin. The Safeways around here only sell oatmeal “craisin”. Meh.
Clif
Around here almost all the convenience store sell Gradma’s Cookies which come in four varieties, Oatmeal Raisin, Chocolate Chip, Pecan, and some monstrosity called double Chocolate or something like that. So Oatmeal Raisin is never further away than your nearest gas station.
BBCC
I love double chocolate. Give them to me!
….Granted, I’ve never heard of that brand.
Stanistani
Grandma’s is about an 8 out of 10 for commercial single-serving cookies.
BarerMender
Better yet is if you use the chocolate chip recipe but substitute raisins for the chips. Put em in an airtight container and age for a week. Yummy.
Needfuldoer
I think I’ve told this story before, but back in the before times we had an office party and somebody brought in a big cookie platter. Chocolate chip disappeared first, then the chocolate/chocolate and sugar cookies. The oatmeal raisin ones barely got touched. The two or three of us who liked oatmeal raisin got to have as many cookies as we wanted, everybody else only got one or two.
Plus you get to tell yourself they’re healthier, just like carrot cake!
Victor
Self preservation tip: Don’t ever intentionally give oatmeal raisin to team chocolate chip. You’re risking your survival.
And definitely don’t give anybody either one with nuts in it. You’ll get a face full of cookie spit before they kill you.
Clif
Also, I’m reasonably sure enough oatmeal would kill you.
At the extreme, enough oatmeal would collapse into a black hole and take you with it.
A Red Balloon
I used to just eat around the raisins.
For some strange reason, I always though that was kinda fun.
Aphid
Yknow I don’t understand why everyone hates oatmeal raisin cookies them shits are good. Maybe I’m just too white to have good taste.
StClair
I like both, but I think it’s a combination of “expecting one thing, getting another” and “aww, I wanted my sweet hit of theobromine.”
Clif
I’m definitely having a button made up that says “Too white to have good taste.”
Bruceski
Ironically, biting into a chocolate chip cookie that I thought was oatmeal raisin WILL kill me.
Well, technically not because I only avoid chocolate for cross-contact reasons, but after thirty-five years of treating it like a poison my brain will assume it’s gonna kill me.
Decidedly Orthogonal
Real oatmeal should be thick enough to stand on!
Decidedly Orthogonal
And these two flakes are being pretty thick.
Ed Rhodes
There used to be a commercial for “Quaker Oatmeal Squares.” The character, played as a heavy accented Scotsman, loves the cereal, but can’t believe it’s oatmeal because; “Oatmeal is nasty, grey stuff, thick enough to stop a bullet!”
Sirksome
What are the chances Becky comes in right as Joyce says some religion bashing bullshit she only half means to parrot Liz? Cause I’m feeling like that’s very likely right now.
StClair
Approaching unity.
Clif
While the probability is significant, it’s far less than unity. Willis likes to dangle the shoe for awhile and then let it drop when you no longer expect it.
Meagan
I was thinking that too but I also agree with Clif
Keulen
I’m kinda expecting it to happen at this point.
Regalli
Ooooh, dear, new atheists.
Doctor_Who
Soon she will instinctively migrate to reddit. That’s when the REAL corruption begins.
Clif
Migration corrupts. Migration to Reddit corrupts absolutely.
Or something like that.
A Red Balloon
I wonder, just how do you think Dina would react to Joyce’s and Liz’s new attitudes, having presumably been an atheist all her life?
Hazel
Their beliefs are not dinosaur-centric so I imagine she will not linger heavily on them.
Hazel
Though if Becky hears what they are saying then Dina will be not so pleased.
A Red Balloon
You mean like she was here?
https://www.dumbingofage.com/2020/comic/book-10/04-is-a-song-forever/animalcrossin/
Sombrero
Recent converts are the worst.
Clif
Okay. The direction of Liz’s comments just took, an interesting turn.
Queen Anthai
Oh boy, she’s gonna be one of THOSE atheists for a while, isn’t she.
Wizard
As long as it’s only a little while, I’ll cheerfully forgive her. It’s the ones that never get past that stage that really get on my nerves.
Rose by Any Other Name
… huh.
This comment made me have a thought.
I’m kinda wondering… IS Liz actually an atheist, or is she trying too hard to make Joyce like her? And Joyce is trying too hard to make Liz like her.
I dunno – I guess I’m wondering if they aren’t both protesting too much?
I honestly wasn’t even sure I should post this, but if I turn out to be right randomly, I want to be able to point to this post as proof of my genius.
A Red Balloon
Honestly to me, this seems like one of the more likely scenarios.
They’re just trying to show off to each other how “cool” they are (by the other’s definition), and are caught in a kind of quasi-Pygmalion-effect cycle where they’re trying to out-do or impress each other with more and more intense demonstrations of what they think makes for a “worldly” person.
The million-dollar question is, what’s eventually gonna break the cycle? Just how far are either of them gonna go?
Xenocide
The only logical conclusion is proving that they don’t think there’s an invisible skydaddy who gets mad when you grind on the wrong crotch by grinding on each other’s crotch, like a game of atheist chicken.
Needfuldoer
I think they’re both at about the same point in figuring that out, but each is looking at the other like they’re ten steps ahead.
temporaryobsessor
My guess is both are athiests or at least agnostic but up playing there worldliness and distaine for religion for the other.
BBCC
I love Sarah being the voice of sisterly reason here.
Yotomoe
Ah yes. The opposite of the “new in christ” archetype. The “new in atheism” attitude. Both are pretty annoying to be around.
Sirksome
Two sides of the same coin in some ways.
DrunkenNordmann
It’s basically why I’m personally leaning towards view that atheism is basically just another belief system, at least in some cases – you still have the zealots trying to proselytise you, just without the fancy rituals and places of worship.
A Red Balloon
https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/HollywoodAtheist
Sombrero
Dorothy is the antithesis of this trope.
Huehuetotl
to be frank, the “atheism is just the same as a religion” line is pretty obnoxious too. ya, there’s atheists who are assholes. but the war on christmas is imaginary and the war on reproductive rights is real.
and I don’t think it’s wholey the same thing as ‘zeal of the convert’. A fresh apostate can be angry at themselves, their past selves, at how stupid they think they themselves were. It’s not the same as trying to prove oneself to a congregation.
DrunkenNordmann
That’s why I said “in some cases”.
Yotomoe
Not all religions do that thing either, which is why I find it odd that saying atheism is basically a religion unto itself would imply all of those things. You’re comparing Atheism being a religion DIRECTLY to Western (not to make assumptions but presumably American) Christian values rather than the idea of literally every religion on earth. I find THAT pretty obnoxious as well.
Rose by Any Other Name
True that as well.
I’m a very religious neo-pagan, and I don’t give a salty shit what anyone else is as long as they aren’t trying to take away my rights.
aelfwine
“Atheism” is not a religion, for the same reason that “monotheism” isn’t a religion, and “polytheism” isn’t a religion either.
There actually do exist some atheistic religions, like some varieties of Buddhism (I think). But “atheism” by itself is not a religion, for the same reason that monotheism and polytheism isn’t.
Among other crucial differences, religions have rules of “dos” and “don’t”. They codify the behavior of their adherents, they say that this is what you’re allowed to do, this is what you’re obliged to do, this is what you mustn’t do.
Atheism just states a fact about the universe: There isn’t a god.
Nothing there about how you should behave.
Rose by Any Other Name
Well said, Huehuetotl, about the war on Christmas vs the war on reproductive rights.
The weirdest thing about the ‘war on Christmas’ BS is that generic phrases like “happy holidays” have been used for decades if not centuries. It’s only recently that people decided that those phrases were some sort of attack. Ugh.
Thag Simmons
Zeal of the Convert as a pattern of behaviour applies to more than just religion, I think.
0phidiophile
You can take the religion out of a fanatic, but you’re still left with a fanatic.
Thag Simmons
Zeal of the Convert, y’know.
Meagan
Agreed
Keulen
I still find the “new in christ” types more annoying.
Kensou
I can’t blame Joyce for being not-scared of oatmeal. My parents would often have a bowl of it for breakfast, and to this day any mention of the stuff will cause me to remember the slurping noises they’d make in their later years. Funny how the people who teach you good manners can slack off themselves…
Tim
My oatmeal is never slurpable. I mix it with the smallest amount of water that gets it wet enough to be a stiff mud, never liquid.
Needfuldoer
Ugh. Eating noises…
I don’t know what’s worse: slurping, or that hollow, popping sound people make when they eat corn on the cob.
Robbie
I’m with Joyce on oatmeal.
Azhrei Vep
Well, if it makes you feel any better, you’re both right. If you touch Oatmeal, you will die.
The two events are unlikely to be related in any way, but it it’ll definitely end up happening.
Stephen Bierce
*plays Herbie Hancock’s “Rock It” on the hacked Muzak* (If you’ve seen the video you’d know why.)
Dave Van Domelen
Oatmeal, proof of the non-existence of a loving God?
Thag Simmons
Oatmeal is cheap and efficient. It’s not fine eating but in times of scarcity it is immensely useful.
Azhrei Vep
Oatmeal is also fairly tasty on its own, and serves as an excellent platform for consuming small amounts of other foods.
A Red Balloon
Hopefully you won’t have to learn that the hard way.
Oatmeal seems like a nice break, really.
Needfuldoer
But it’s high in fiber, low in calories, and has no cholesterol whatsoever.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aVIewv1K3CA
Suzi