301

Storebought
Posted on March 17, 2016 by David M Willis
Hooray!  The Dumbing of Age Book 5 Kickstarter reached $50k, meaning everybody who pledges for a paper book (versus a PDF) will get a free Amber magnet.  That's pretty sweet.  And once we get to $55k, there'll be pledge levels for new Joyce and Billie magnets!

301 thoughts on “Storebought”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    gets cookies AND gets to play the race card, Walky’s got it made

    (j/k)

    ((sorta))

    1. butts

      Well, Walky does sort of seem to embody the perks of being “ambiguously brown.” Sal just got the short end of the stick.

      1. Reltzik

        Short end of the stick? My headcanon has Jason being proportionate.

        ….

        I’ll just see myself out.

        1. Kamino Neko

          Sal describes him as being hung like a pint glass. So neither short nor skinny.

        2. Clif

          I maintain that there can be short skinny pint glasses.

        3. Joseph

          Only if it’s bigger on the inside – so never trust a Gallifreyan

        4. Emperor Norton

          Well, Jason is British… Maybe in his particular case, it’s bigger -when- it’s inside?

        5. Benny the D

          Gnice.

        6. Carriethedragon

          That would make more sense if she hadn’t demonstrated her point with an actual pint glass that she had on hand.

    2. Bagge

      Enjoy your cookie, Walky

    3. Deanatay

      I believe Walky’s been defined as ‘generically beige’.

  2. Toad

    Is there a cookies scene in Battle Royale?

    1. Doctor_Who

      If not there should be. Cookies improve just about anything.

      1. Tayo

        as someone who is also wanting to become a doctor i can confirm this diagnosis

      2. Bruceski

        Except cookie allergies.

    2. m-m

      [his last words]
      Teacher Kitano: The last one… Cookies sure were good.

    3. SLICEY

      one of the boys got cookies on the bus before they where taken to battle royale and the teacher ate them

      1. Just for kix

        Teacher ate what? The boys or the cookies?

        1. legobil

          bwahaha. u made me laugh sir. 🙂

    4. Kintrex

      The cookies scene (and what happens immediately before it) is the only part of Battle Royale I actually like.

      1. pumacatrun2

        Read the manga, soooo much better and less purely based on action. Some scenes are a little ehhhh but a solid 9/10 from me after finishing it. Definitely worth a read.

        1. Nezumi

          I know of a manga (which makes selection even more random, which kills some of the subtext of the novel), a film, and a novel. Anything else?

  3. Mr. Mendo

    Her head’s going to some weird places, today…

  4. Jacket

    *Plays some more Generic music on the Hacked Muzak*

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hiwHu6O1hJU

    1. Dreadhawk177

      NO. Just no.

      1. Jacket

        Oh, you know?

    2. Chris2315

      ENOUGH!

      *smashes Muzak with baseball bat*

      1. inqntrol

        NO! The device didn’t do anything to you, it was just doing what he was created to do! Blame the user.

      2. Deanatay

        *sigh* not AGAIN…

        There’s a reason the Muzak is ‘hacked’, you know… if I had to count the number of times it’s been reassembled with spit and bailing wire…

  5. Schpoonman

    Oh my god, Walky.

    1. Reltzik

      Oh come on! It’s all a big joke! Like life! Nothing serious being touched upon here folks! Move along!

      1. Vinny

        Exactly! Well done, Walky!

      2. Disloyal Subject

        Life’s a piece of shit, when you look at it
        Life’s a laugh and death’s a joke, it’s true
        You’ll see its all a show, keep ’em laughing as you go
        Just remember that the last laugh is on you

        1. Rukduk

          And always look on the bright side of life

        2. Screwball

          If life seems jolly rotten
          There’s something you’ve forgotten
          And that’s to laugh and smile and dance and sing
          When you’re feeling in the dumps
          Don’t be silly chumps
          Just purse your lips and whistle
          – that’s the thing.

        3. TheNinthShader

          Or. Or! You could just stab a bongo.

        4. davidbreslin101

          ….I keep wondering whenever I see that. Have people here actually started /typing/ “bongo” now?

        5. Disloyal Subject

          Oh, yes. Quite some time ago.
          No idea what the ‘drums to female dogs’ ratio is as to what people actually type, but they both get typed.

        6. thejeff

          Some of us have started to use it elsewhere.

        7. Deanatay

          Always look on the bright side of death
          Just before you draw your terminal breath

    2. JetstreamGW

      Oh come on, it’s fun to screw with people like this. It’s like how whenever someone uses a “yo’ mama” joke on me I dead pan “Y’know my mother’s actually dead,” just to see their reaction.

      It’s priceless.

      1. Screwball

        Daniel here. I’ve done that a few times using my Dad. He died long a good few years ago, so we’re all good now, but it is amusing watching some people’s shocked-sympathy reactions. There has also been a few scares with it tho, I was sent next door to get rose petals for the funeral from our elderly neighbors. The conversations went like this;

        🙁 “Hi, Um, Mum was wondering if we could have some rose petals for the funeral”
        O_o? “Who’s funeral?”
        O_o :$ “…..Dads…”

        I thought she was going to have a heart attack…

  6. Cerberus

    …he’s not entirely wrong.

    1. Reltzik

      … okay, now I’m trying to wrap my head around about what it would look like for someone to be ENTIRELY wrong.

      … I’m in a wacky mood tonight.

      1. Mr k

        “Boy, Mary’s such a nice individual and a great friend. I also think that Joe should take a vow of celibacy.”

        1. Someone

          Someone won’t stab me!

        2. tim gueguen

          It would be fun to see what would happen if Joe was forced to be celibate for even a week.

        3. Élie Lemieux-Huard

          Well, you could say that Joe is celibate, what he isn’t is abstinent.

        4. Havtorn

          Joe is promiscous but not nessecarily a sex addict from what we’ve seen here. He’d probably do fine, barring further outside circumstance.

          Although in classic comic fashion he would catch the eye of the entire playboy mansion that very week.

      2. nothri

        Its really not that hard a scenario to imagine.

        Ahem: Obama was born in Kenya. The moon landing was a fake. Jews secretly control the world’s economy.

        1. Rukduk

          Is that you Mr. Trump?

        2. Needfuldoer

          No, they used too many complete sentences with valid grammar.

        3. Touchfuzzy

          I mean, come on, he has the best words.

        4. nothri

          Point being, there are absolutely scenarios where a person can be completely wrong.

        5. Random832

          I think you can be more wrong than that. For example – “Obama was born in Wakanda. The Jupiter landing was a fake. Aliens secretly control the world’s economy.”

        6. nothri

          Well, sure you can. But at this point, you have passed the threshold of being right. You are clearly and totally wrong. At this point its basically how much of a negative number you accrue on the scale of rightness.

        7. thejeff

          At some point you wrap around to “not even wrong”.

          Attributed to the physicist Wolfgang Pauli of another physicist’s paper: “That is not only not right, it is not even wrong.”

        8. Scoops

          But if it’s wrong to say the Jupiter landing was a fake, doesn’t that mean the Jupiter landing was real?

        9. Random832

          No, because “the Jupiter landing was a fake” implies that there is a Jupiter landing as a concept, as something that someone faked, as something that people believe in.

        10. thejeff

          That would qualify as “not even wrong”.

        11. Rukduk

          Put on the damn glasses!!!

          (Please tell me someone gets that)

        12. Mindlink

          That depends on how you choose to interpret how someone “is completely wrong”.
          What you did was give statements that were wrong, if you said them your PERSON would not be wrong, so I’m guessing for a person to be completely wrong it would no longer be alive ? As in, the blood vessels would transport fat, the lungs would be full of stomach acid, the stomach would be in the brain, etc. etc.

        13. thejeff

          No, it’s only completely wrong if the body’s like that and they’re still alive.
          It’s perfectly correct to be dead in those circumstances.

      3. ScarvesandCelery

        “okay, now I’m trying to wrap my head around about what it would look like for someone to be ENTIRELY wrong”

        I’m not sure why, but I’m thinking of a hypothetical scenario where someone in an internet comments section tries to claim a hypothetical fictional character is selfish for getting a haircut. No idea where that a came from…

        1. A Battery Staple

          What, you mean like this?

      4. Inspector Hound

        Bill Kristol is famous for it.

        See The Punditocracy, for example.

    2. Deanatay

      Walky is only MOSTLY wrong. He just needs one of Miracle Max’s Miracle Pills… the chocolate makes it go down easier.

  7. Raen

    Battle Royale does not exist. Battle Royale never existed. Or something like that.

    …geez, though, if Walky strikes you as dangerous…

    1. Gespenst

      That’s probably because Sal is his identical twin, and Sal triggers panic attacks in Amber. So the resemblance between the twins would make Walky a sort of muted trigger for Amber, I imagine.

      1. Uniqueantique

        Don’t identical twins have be same sex? Not sure myself.

        1. m-m

          Identical twins have identical DNA, so yes, identical twins are the same sex. Fraternal twins can look remarkably similar, tho, just like any other set of siblings.

        2. Uniqueantique

          I know a set of male ‘mirror’ twins. One has his organs on opposite sides of the usual position. They look very much alike physically.

        3. tim gueguen

          And genetically identical twins can look noticeably different from each other.

        4. JetstreamGW

          Not ALWAYS entirely true. Rare corner cases (an XXY zygote) can result in opposite sex identical twins. In this instance one twin loses the Y, and one twin loses an X.

        5. JetstreamGW

          “Identical twin” in this case referring to monozygotic twins. One zygote splitting into two individuals.

        6. caesaria82

          Yeah, identical twins can not be born the opposite sex. (they can obviously be the opposite gender anyway, if one of them turns out to be trans)

        7. Mollyscribbles

          Like Laverne Cox!

        8. caesaria82

          Yes! Her brother played pre-transition Sophia on OITNB 🙂

        9. Seralyna

          There isn’t actually a difference between sex and gender, since the concept of biological sex is determined arbritrarily and is mostly just used to invalidate trans people

        10. Hollis

          That is a really contentious statement that “there isn’t actually a difference between sex and gender” because many people having opinions about this. Personally, it’s very useful for me to separate my sex from my gender, as they are definitely related and similar, but not the same in the way that I relate to myself (and I know many trans folks who feel similarly). Saying that sex+gender are the same also, at times, can feel like it erases intersex folk, particularly those that were forcibly via surgery assigned a gender at birth.

          That said, yeah, biological sex is frequently used to invalidate trans women (and sometimes other trans folk, but like 90% of the time it’s trans women), and this is garbage and needs to stop.

        11. trlkly

          You may think you’re being pro-trans, but you’re actually saying the exact opposite. Trans people definitely believe in sex and gender.

          Plus, saying sex isn’t real is just ignoring science. Sure, it’s not binary, but it still exists.

        12. Ardin

          but then like why is there penis and vagina
          do those not actually exist or what

        13. Adam Black

          If the world was normal and made perfect sense then yes. But it isn’t.
          Twinning itself is the result of a mistake.
          Genes are promiscuous. Everyones a mutant.

          Individual humans are often Chimeras with inconsistent genomes. It only takes one Genes improperly crossed over from the Y to an X chromosome ( the TDF gene ) to turn an XX zygote male.
          Chimeras can form from multiple reasons: an another absorbed twin, multiple sperm fertilizing the egg. Mistakes during meiosis. If the genes inside a Chimera can be inconsistent, so can the ratio of differences in identical twins of a chimera.

      2. No Name

        Sal and Walky are, at most, half identical.

    2. Doctor_Who

      I’ve seen befuddled kittens who were more threatening than Walky.

      1. Leorale

        mew? mew?
        ::bonks head into wall::

      2. Jay Eff

        HOLY SHIT A BEFUDDLED KITTEN

        *runs into distance*

        1. Silly Name

          … But you ARE a befuddled kitten! *points at avatar pic*

      3. Norj

        I have a friend who is terrified of kittens, but for some reason wants to cuddle with tigers.

    3. Yixin

      It’s because he’s the male version of Sal.

    4. Jacques Cornelius Parrot III

      Amber’s a tad high strung

  8. Stephen R. Bierce

    *plays “Indestructable” on the hacked Muzak*

    1. Stephen R. Bierce

      Hmm. The version I know isn’t the one that comes up on YouTube searches. I guess there is a serious generation gap here.

      1. Stephen R. Bierce

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=COtHMn2BUDE <- The one I meant.

        1. m-m

          nice!

        2. JetstreamGW

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWxBrI0g1kE
          For posterity!

        3. Screwball

          Hehe heh heh, I know this version…

          …I like this version…

      2. m-m

        The Four Tops? Mathew Good Band? or the album by Art Blakey?

    2. caesaria82

      I’m about 99% sure you didn’t mean the Robyn song, but you just reminded me of the Robyn song, which I love and am now listening to, so thanks 😉

    3. garaden

      …I am just now realizing that “plays X on the hacked Muzak” is a thing. I think I’ve been glossing over these comments for weeks.

      1. garaden

        Goddammit, forgot I was Mary. Can’t wait for the next shuffle.

      2. Disloyal Subject

        Stephen’s been at it a lot longer than that. The other guys are a more recent development.

        1. AndieStardust

          I like Stephen’s picks. I don’t know a chunk of the music but I look forward to seeing what he posts. The others seem to be lazy copycats.

        2. Vagabond J

          I thought the only other one was Jacket.

          I think he’s a bad comedian who decided to dress up a chicken one day and ruin everything for everyone.

        3. Sokol

          It is shameful for me to even be in the same crew as that psychopath.

        4. Stephen R. Bierce

          I’m told that the FCC license I have as a result of my aviation education is the same type as the one professional DJ’s use. So in that vein I try to keep my activities here on a respectful and businesslike level.
          And I’m glad to be appreciated! Thank you.

        5. Sokol

          Trust me, you should. It’s the greatest feeling in the world to some people.

          Speaking of which, I think I have an idea….

        6. Jacket

          Your idea is null.

  9. Skizz

    I do, mostly Noongar, but some from Torres Stait, all pretty deadly (or so they tell me, never been entirely sure what that means, I assume it’s good).

    1. Schmeedle

      Deadly is so good that it’s the name of the ATSI awards. (My friends are mostly Yamatji)

    2. Screwball

      Daniel the Human has some Aboriginal friends, but he won’t let me meet them, something about him not wanting them to “waste any spears on me”. Not sure what he means tho…

  10. John

    Come on, Walky, no one’s racist against the generically beige.

    And, to be fair, the reason Amber/Amazi-Girl don’t have any black friends is because they don’t have any friends. Making friends would require leaving the room for reasons other than beating people up.

    1. tim gueguen

      Yeah, the division of the world that first comes to Amber’s mind is more likely to be “Normal people compared to me the weirdo” than race or religion, because she probably feels alienated from everyone.

      1. Disloyal Subject

        Also, “citizens and criminals” for deciding who’s an acceptable outlet for her anger.

    2. drs

      Amber has friends: Ethan, Mike, Danny, Dina.

      1. John

        I think that she has to count Mike just proves my point.

        Dina kind of snuck in there because Amber didn’t have to leave the room to meet her.

        1. meanderling

          Eh, Mike, Ethan and Amber seem to be old friends from high school. See: that one comic where they drag Amber away from her computer. I’d love to see more of that dynamic, that was hilarious (and interesting? What’s DOA Mike even like with actual friends?)

        2. Cerberus

          Alienating them by using their biggest fears and most painful moments against them.

          I think the better question is what’s DOA Mike like with actual friends he gives a fuck about?

        3. Spencer

          I wonder if Mike was meant to be a more prominent character, and he was going to be toned down, since in his first few appearances he’s not that bad. You know, drags Amber out of her room, he seems to be genuinely aghast that Ethan is taking him up on his idea of hiding that he’s gay, he’s just kind of sardonic as opposed to actively malicious.

          He went back to being Mike Classic at around the time he decided slutshaming Dorothy was a good idea, but maybe he was going to be something else at first.

      2. tim gueguen

        I’m not sure Dina counts as a friend yet. Mike would probably get upset at the idea of being considered anyone’s friend.

        1. Disloyal Subject

          Dina has achieved ‘friend’ status.

        2. Clif

          Amazigirl has friends. Dorothy, Danny, Joyce, and now Walky.

        3. thejeff

          To quote Ethan: “Mike doesn’t really have friends so much as people he’s willing to stand next to.”

    3. Cass

      She’d probably get along well with Sarah, though.

      Here ‘well’ means they’d each leave the other alone aside from saying hi when they see each other, and they’re both totally fine with that.

      1. Cass

        (Though this’d have to be in a universe where she hadn’t already made a bad impression on Sarah with the way she dealt with Ethan recloseting himself.)

        1. Cerberus

          That and distracting everyone at the party, thus allowing Ryan to slip away.

    4. not someone else

      Hey, that’s not true. She could have all kinds of friends on the internet!

  11. Dean

    Hmm. Does SAL have any black friends?

    1. Gespenst

      Sal’s only friend is Marcie, it would seem, and Marcie’s not black, so no.

    2. newllend(henryvolt)

      Sal have friends that’s not Joyce or anyone else in that circle of three other people? Wow dude I don’t even know where you got an idea like that.

    3. NotPiffany

      Until they got to college, did Sal or Walky have the opportunity to make black friends? There was only one black guy in all of my honors classes from third grade through high school; if Sal and Walky grew up in the same sort of suburban neighborhood I did, then Sal was the Black Kid (and Walky was the Brown Kid).

      And I doubt that Sal’s boarding school was any more diverse. Those places seem to be… “exclusive.”

      1. Seerow

        You know, every now and again I forget that there are places in the country that are actually like that. I went to a school where black and hispanic kids made up at least 40-50% of the total. And I’m not even in a big metropolitan area, I was in a relatively small town. Realizing there are still towns out there where there can be one black person in an entire year strikes me as incredibly odd.

        1. Disloyal Subject

          Black folks are pretty rare in parts of the West Coast, too, but we have plenty of Latinos, and a few asians here and there. Getting used to everyone being white or Mexican and then running into diversity is a little disorienting.

        2. NotPiffany

          I was in the suburbs of a major metropolitan area in a state that used to be part of Mexico… yet we didn’t have a whole lot of Latinos, either. White flight is real, folks.

        3. Betty Anne

          FWIW, I didn’t have any non-white friends growing up, mostly because there were not only no non-white students in my class, but none in my school. [Disclosure: I learned as an adult that some of my classmates were Native American, but I didn’t know it at the time.] There are, in fact, parts of the country where the community is still entirely white.

          I have cousins who are Native American (both of my dad’s sisters married Native guys), but my parents didn’t let me or my brothers spend any time on the res and we didn’t visit my cousins that often, so we had next to no exposure to anything non-white. My aunt gave me multiple pieces of hand-beaded Native American jewelry over the years, but my mom didn’t let me wear any of it that didn’t look “white enough” to pass as something bought in a store. 🙁

          So, yes. TL;DR version of “there are very much very white communities, and racists live there.” XP

    4. Stone Wolf

      Yes, their names are Bladedawg and Destroyer.

  12. caesaria82

    These two could be such good bros. In another life.

    (oh hey, today is the first time since the daylight savings time switch that I actually actively remembered this uploads an hour earlier for a couple of weeks – Europe does the switch later lol)

    1. Disloyal Subject

      Or this life. Walky’s being friendly, and Amber could certainly use more friends – she just has to get past her freakouts over Sal, and that’s pretty important anyway.

      1. Betty Anne

        Until she either realizes, or Walky mentions, that Sal is his sister.

  13. Ghostforge

    all I can think of right now is that somehow walky’s going work sal being his sister into the convo, and there will be no going back….

  14. Reltzik

    So what DOES Linda do?

    Leaving aside her qualities as a parent…

    She’s not the conventional home-maker, she’s shmoozey with high-placed people. She’s expects a level of ambitious go-getting out of her kids and presumably has those qualities herself. We see her in flashbacks raising the kids herself, so she’s not uber-rich with nannies at her beck and call. … I’m guessing she’s some sort of professional either in or adjacent to high business or politics.

    1. Cephalo the Pod

      How about part of a military contractor?

      1. Tom T.

        Something involving aliens, maybe…

    2. NotPiffany

      Given they had the money to fork over for a boarding school for Sal, they’re probably fairly well off; she’s probably too much of a control freak to let a nanny handle the kids.

  15. Wolf

    Wolf’s New Job: Dumbing of Triangle

    DAY 1

    http://imgur.com/R82NB9c

    1. Aeron

      That was way funnier than it should have been.

    2. Gigafreak

      I thought “forcing people to smile” was the domain of that other clown-themed crook.

      …

      Yes: Ronald McDonald.

    3. Emperor Norton

      Do you feel like you have the best job ever, Wolf?

      1. Wolf

        It beats Crimeing, that’s for sure!

        1. Dallas

          You’re fired, Wolf.

          We’re getting a new voice actor in your place.

  16. Vangeln

    Somewhere, Sarah cries.

    1. caesaria82

      I think calling Sarah a friend of either of these two might be a stretch.

      1. Carriethedragon

        Yeah, Sarah hates Amazi-Girl, and I can’t remember her interactions with Walky, but at one point she did say that she questions Dorothy’s taste in boyfriends.

    2. JessWitt

      I thought Sarah doesn’t like having friends.

      1. TamiDOA

        No, Sarah says she doesn’t have friends anymore, BUT she’s already proven she’ll do just about anything for her friend Joyce and probably for her friend Dina too.

        1. StClair

          It’s kind of like what Ruth says about (and to) Billie.

        2. Disloyal Subject

          She did say she didn’t want to make friends.
          She realizes that she’s the sort of person who’ll go to hell and back for a friend, and that takes time and effort she’d much rather spend studying. Friends are a distraction, and yet she can’t help but like some of these people.

    3. John

      Sarah knows Amber as “Joyce’s gay bf’s crazy ex who assaulted Joyce that one time in the cafeteria” and Amazi-Girl as “that crazy person whose grandstanding let the dude who roofied Joyce get away”. They are not friends.

      Her relationship with Walky is less negative, but I’m pretty sure she thinks Dorothy could do better.

      1. Disloyal Subject

        They may have differing behavior, but both believe in emotional isolationism, and they’ve interacted amicably on a handful of occasions. Sarah just might approve of Walky.
        …it’s a longshot, though.

  17. Jay Eff

    FACT:

    “Walky” is AAVE version of “Danny.”

    1. No Name

      Well, since both Danny and Walky were self insert characters and one point (I think), you’re not that far off.

    2. RP

      Walky is the African American Vernacular English version of Danny?

  18. UnoriginalPasta

    Calling it now, this is the part where Sal is brought up, and Amazi-Amber or whoever realizes why she/they? thinks Walky is dangerous because they’re siblings.

  19. Cheshrin

    “Just havin’ cookies with my nemesis’s twin brother, no big.”

    (Also, that fifth panel is just the cutest. Big-smile Walky with hair fluffed by the wind is just too precious for words.)

    1. Cheshrin

      Whoopsie daisies, looks like I made a typo in my e-mail. Well, I guess I at least have a Penny avatar to fall back on in case I ever get tired of Ethan…?

    2. Silly Name

      That fifth panel belongs in the dreams of all Walky fangirls (and fanboys). He looks positively dashing!

  20. TamiDOA

    Cookie based detente anyone? Will Walky somehow broker peace and/or understanding between AG and Sal? Stay tuned!

  21. JessWitt

    Befriending the brother of the girl she stabbed. Oh sweet delicious chocolate-chip (?) irony.

  22. Cephalo the Pod

    Walky is really cute in panel 3.

  23. Uniqueantique

    This is cool. One thing about Walky, he doesn’t put expectations/pressure on people, and one thing Amber/A.G. doesn’t need is expectations/pressure.

    Just sitting on the roof eating cookies. Nice to keep in head.

    Because I got a feeling Willis is stalking us.

    1. Leorale

      I agree. Amber/AG is so tightly wound, it could be a bit of a break for her to experience a piece of Walky’s lackadaisical and purposely unserious nature.

  24. drs

    Me, last strip:
    “Clearly Amazi-girl is racist!”

  25. No Name

    Considering the comment threads not too long ago, Willis is once again proven psychic.

    1. Orion Fury

      Or at least seem months into the future.

  26. Tenzhi

    Walky is black? For some reason, I always thought he was of Central/South American descent. The worst part is, I don’t think this is the first time I’ve been shocked by the info. Walky keeps having a voice in my head with a slight accent that matches an animated character I can’t quite place. Lousy head voices. ;P

    1. Leorale

      Does your headcanon South American cartoon voice have him saying ‘HEART!’ as his team summons Captain Planet?

      1. Tenzhi

        I don’t think so. If it makes any sense – the voice in my head has a light Mexican accent more than a slightly stilted attempt at a South American accent…

        But now that you pointed it out, I can’t stop thinking about it.

      2. Orion Fury

        I think mine might have leaned toward that.

    2. tim gueguen

      The Walkerton twins are a quarter African American. Walky and Sal’s dad is half white and their mom is white.

    3. Lord Stoneheart

      Walky made a joke earlier about Sal being black but he’s generically beige. Differences in how people have perceived the twins (and how Sal is perceived to be blacker) has popped up quite a bit actually.

    4. Caex

      I never read the Walkyverse, so I didn’t know what Walky and Sal were until they talked about it here in DoA.

      My guess was they were Indian (India Indian), due to their brown skin but straight hair. It turns out I was wrong!

      1. Mindlink

        I have read the Walkyverse, and I still didn’t find out about their race until reading the comment section here.
        Up until then I just assumed they were Caucasian.

  27. NotPiffany

    That’s what Linda considers a care package? Storebought cookies? Even for her darling boy’s first college care package, she couldn’t read a freaking recipe? That monster.

    1. Silamy

      It’s not a first care package, if that helps… maybe she made (or had someone make) cookies for that one. Still, storebought cookies in a care package… for shame….

    2. Charles Phipps

      Well, store bought cookies can be some really expensive gourmet stuff.

    3. Bagge

      I bet she made an exception and baked for Billie though, that would be a nasty touch.

      1. Clif

        Nah, she just knew Billie was into ginger.

        1. NotPiffany

          Oh, well done!

    4. Rutee

      When I got almonds, I didn’t expect them to be homegrown.

      Like, yeah, Linda’s terrible, but this seems acceptable.

    5. Incomitatus

      My dad’s care packages always contained Oreos. That’s because I couldn’t get them where I was. I went to university in a foreign country full of foreign food. Much of that foreign food was very good, but none of it was Oreos.

      1. Commodore Jeep-Eep

        What’s so fucking good about Oreos anyhow?

        1. NotPiffany

          Nostalgia, mostly.

        2. Leila

          This, but also when it gets all soggy and makes a mess. Also the chocolate overload taste because it sticks to the top of your mouth and the chocolate taste lingers. And they fall into your milk glass and you drink Oreo milk at the end. Oreos = delicious. I am such a little kid.

          Or maybe that was the Walky defense.

        3. Michael Haneline

          BURN THE HERETIC

    6. skdk

      oh so care packages are a thing in america? thats weird. i dont see why you wouldnt want storebought cookies though

  28. Foxhack

    Well I think he shares half his genes with his sister…?

    1. Bunk

      Genetics are weird. Each of them are 50% of each parent, but their % similarity could be a huge range of variance. I mean, they look identical enough so I’d guess they’re closer to like 75%

  29. StClair

    Walky please.

  30. Jay

    Big cheeky anime grin Walky is best Walky.

  31. Saaaam

    …does Amber have any black friends?

    1. DarkoNeko

      Does Amber got any friend beside Dina and transformer boy ?

    2. Lamia M

      I mean there’s a couple of POC characters in the comic, some of which are black, but I’m trying to rack my brain to find a ‘friendship’ between any of them and Amber, and any of them and Walky.

      1. Nono

        Yeah so far, it’s just been acquaintances for most of them – Jacob, Sierra and Sarah. There’s also Brian and Sayid, who are just background characters.

        1. Tan

          I’d say Walky and Sierra are at least friendly acquaintances bordering on friendship. She’s even seen him naked.

          http://www.dumbingofage.com/2014/comic/book-4/01-the-only-dope-for-me-is-you/weeenus/

  32. DarkoNeko

    That last panel, tho.

  33. Lordmazapan

    Is Walky everybody!!! Ba-dum-tss

  34. Bagge

    That’s adorable. Walky may hide it under tons of goof and jokes, but he is both perceptive and helpful. Cookies and bullshitting is exactly what Amaziegirl needs right now.

    1. Emperor Norton

      The importance of having someone you can bullshit with in life, in school, and in your job can not be overstated.

  35. Viga

    I like the Walky/Amazigirl dynamic.

  36. Plasma Mongoose

    The Race card? Uno sure has changed since I was a teen.

    1. inqntrol

      Never played that game. Does it ruin friendships like Monopoly does?

      1. Will

        Yes, it does.

  37. Vagabond J

    I dunno why, but this part reminds me of Hamlet fpr some reason.

  38. Rukduk

    Mr. Willis, I just want to say thank you. I’ve been going through a rough patch in my life lately, and these comics have really helped me get through it. So thank you for putting a little light into my days.

    1. Peduncle

      * Sympathy via light electronic contact. *

      The only thing better than Dumbing of Age every day is two a day. The next Kickstarter: unlock updates twice a day! I hate to think what the fee would be. Mr. Willis would have to hire minions.

  39. Saru

    Hahahaha! (It’s funny because she’s white)

    1. TheNinthShader

      -_-

  40. Clif

    Who can not-love Walky.

  41. Liam

    I always thought Walky was hispanic/latino. Okie dokie.

    1. RP

      Wait, did you think Sal was too or did you think they had different dads?

      1. Kamino Neko

        Which is possible, though extremely unlikely, for ‘twins’.

  42. Makkabee

    I love Walky so much right now.

  43. Skai Cyan

    I jokingly do this to people all the time too because people always ask if me and my bothers, who I look exactly like, are triplets (they’re twins). It’s funny seeing some people’s reactions.

    1. de Combys

      Haha!

  44. Christiannemarie

    “Except my sister.”

    1. Random832

      Eh, a lot of people consider the term “friend” to categorically exclude people they’re related to regardless of being friendly with them.

  45. Gareth

    I have a black frend, he just happens to live in Canada. He’s real, honest 0;)

    1. phildog

      There are plenty of black people in Canada. Many for whom their ancestors were here for centuries.

      1. Russ

        I think they were making a joke that they actually don’t have black friends, and that the Canadian they cited was made up so they didn’t look racist, instead of it being that there are no black people in Canada

        1. nightsbridge

          kind of like the mythological ‘canadian girlfriend.’

        2. Kamino Neko

          *still giggles about BEING the Girlfriend Who Lives in Canada*

        3. Emperor Norton

          Sooo… You don’t really exist, then?

        4. Random832

          Ruth’s not mythological, though.

        5. DSL

          She didn’t exist until she moved to Bloomington, though.

      2. RP

        It just occurred to me that I know nothing about what happened to the runaway slaves that made it all the way to Canada.

        1. Leorale

          https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Canadians

  46. Russ

    This means that Walky doesn’t consider Sarah to be his friend, and that’s sad.

    1. nightsbridge

      …Walky barely knows her.

    2. TheNinthShader

      I don’t think they’ve even spoken to each other.

    3. Kamino Neko

      I’m pretty sure they’ve only met once, for, like, a minute, before Sarah left the party. They’re in different years, so don’t share any classes, and he’s only sort of a peripheral friend to Joyce, so doesn’t generally hang out in her room.

    4. Palamdrone

      Sarah doesn’t consider Walky a friend, or anyone for that matter.

    5. Lord Stoneheart

      Checking the Walky+Sarah tag, they’ve interacted twice. They briefly conversed in the aftermath of that one party (Sarah asked Joyce if she wanted Walky removed or not) and then again a little bit at the party. (They share a distaste for Joyce’s tastes in music).

      I think Sarah and Sal might have had more dialogue with each other. (They are certainly not friends though)

      1. Lord Stoneheart

        The second time was at the dorm party, sorry for not elaborating.

      2. RP

        Thank you for explaining how to combine tags!

  47. Liliet

    Is that a loud DING DING DING going off in Amazi-girl’s head about how her interactions with Sal come across that I hear? I sure hope so :>

    1. Cerberus

      Yeah, it’s really something that’s better for her to realize sooner rather than later.

      1. Spencer

        I mean, Walky looks like Sal. They’re twins.

        Stuff like her remark about how she’s glad Sal having problems because she has a record I think I get, because that’s Amber approving of Sal suffering at the hands of racist institutions dictating that as a black woman who committed a crime when she was a child, she deserves to have it held over her head for the rest of life, but this is “hey this guy who looks identical to my PTSD trigger weirds me out.” I had a mini-panic when I thought my stepdad walked through my front door and it was just an old family friend I hadn’t seen in years.

        This is something I’m wholly uneducated in, so I would really appreciate some input. Not like people wouldn’t be thinking it if it wasn’t true.

        1. thejeff

          I’m not even sure Amber was thinking in terms of racist institutions, just “I’m glad this person who traumatized me is having problems because of her criminal record.”
          Unfair. Privileged. Ignoring all the racial implications behind the system. Not nearly as racist as actually considering those implications and still approving.

        2. Heavensrun

          They’re fraternal twins, though. Their close resemblence is a genetic coincidence, not the result of their twinhood, so it’s probably less exact than the running joke implies. They’re actually just regular siblings that happened to be born at the same time.

          Take away other context cues (they have different accents, different attitudes, and it’s not that hard to buy that while Walky sets Amber’s subconcious off, she hasn’t connected one to the other.

    2. NotPiffany

      “Yeah, it’s weird. S’cool my sister got in trouble for the hold up and all, I mean she did it, but that girl who stabbed her didn’t even get arrested, you know? An’ the cops were right there arrestin’ Sal, so you’d think another one wouldn’t have been too much trouble, right?” *munch munch*

      …And now that I’ve typed that out, I wonder if Amber not getting arrested for assault had anything to do with Sal being sent to boarding school instead of Juvie. If the Walkertons had access to a lawyer who made the right noises to the DA about letting a white kid stab a black girl in police custody with impunity, I could see a deal happening quickly.

      1. thejeff

        I could also easily see that as something the police department would want to bury: “So you let a little kid grab the evidence and stab the perpetrator with while in custody? That’s not going to look good.”
        Then everybody gets a deal and it goes away.

        OTOH, Sal being a juvenile, that record really shouldn’t follow her into adulthood, especially if there was some kind of deal and no actual trial/conviction.

        1. Heavensrun

          Depends on where you live, I think. Some places you have to file paperwork to wipe your juvie record, IIRC.

        2. Lin

          Absolutely depends on where you live. Only some states have automatic sealing of juvenile records and Indiana isn’t one of them. It’s actually up to the individual judge’s determination to a really disturbing degree.

        3. tim gueguen

          Another scenario I can imagine is the DA not wanting to prosecute Amber for attacking Sal because his political opponents would use it against him, accusing him of persecuting a traumatised girl who had just been victimised by a criminal.

      2. trlkly

        It’s not weird at all. She was in fear for the life of someone it’s perfectly legal. Yeah, it feels like it shouldn’t be, but it is.

        I’ve been working under false assumptions, too. It wasn’t until this violence at Trump’s rallies that I read some stuff by a lawyer, and all the exceptions where violence is okay

        In fact, I’m not entirely sure that Amazi-girl has even broken the law, since she doesn’t throw the first punch*. Amber did on her father (the first time), but that’s it.

        *That’s a figure of speech. She may have literally been the first one to punch, but she was not the first one to commit violence. And, hell, she’s allowed to be violent EVEN TO PROTECT PROPERTY.

        1. Spencer

          Amber stabbed Sal after she was already detained by the police.

          Amazi-Girl has breaking and entering, theft, and assault on her rap sheet. Even if a lot of her actions have been in defense of people or property, she still doesn’t have the power to jump kick people.

        2. John

          She absolutely does have that power. It’s right here on her character sheet below “Immunity (criticism)”. She may not have that right…

  48. BenRG

    I’m just wondering how long Willis thinks he can draw out this bit about Amazi-Girl not realising that Walky is Sal’s brother and that is why he triggers tiny little panic attacks whenever she sees him. I’m really, really interested to see how he intends to handle this.

    1. Spencer

      It seems bound to happen eventually, and I think it’ll play a crucial role in Amber learning to stop viewing Sal as just the evil criminal from her past, seeing that she has a brother who loves her like she’s some kind of regular person or something.

      1. Cerberus

        Yeah, I can definitely see that being where the arc is going. I mean, we’ve got this really good interaction between Walky and Amazi-girl, where Walky gives her good advice and sees her humanity and encourages it. This makes him a good person to go to in a future crisis and I could totally see them starting up rooftop friendship.

        And at that point, a casual mention will be enough to reveal the connection and hammer home that just as she’s not a comic book character, but a real human being (in her fictional universe), so is the woman she’s decided is her Joe Chill. And that will go a long way from decoupling the fantasy of Amazi-girl from the reality.

    2. trlkly

      Quite a long while, since she doesn’t even know who Sal is at this point. Not even him mentioning her name will work.

      And I fully expect the revelation to happen while she’s with Walky. Otherwise, it doesn’t really work. So I don’t think he’ll name drop just yet, lest she later figure out her enemy’s name all alone.

  49. Leila

    Battle Royale? Willis, why not Real Bout High? Justice as an excuse to beat someone up? Stuff not making any sense after volume 3?

  50. Sigurther

    Pretty soon the ‘r’ word is going to be dismissed as a casual insult as much as it’s bandied about these days.

    1. TheNinthShader

      Rice?

      1. Palamdrone

        ruh-ruh-ruh…wrong?

    2. RP

      Raccoon? Roger? Republican?

      1. Roborat

        Raccoon, roger republican!
        Raccoon. Roger. Republican.
        Raccoon! Roger! Republican!

        Isn’t punctuation fun?

      2. Leila

        R-rep…HOW DARE YOU SPEAK THAT FILTHY WORD IN MY PRESENCE?!

    3. Lin

      I assume you meant to say “as much as people are racist these days” there, right? Good, I fixed it for you.

      1. Leila

        I think OP meant that when people joke about racism, it cheapens the word. People don’t take it seriously when it happens.

        1. trlkly

          Haven’t seen any sing of it yet. In fact, it’s become so powerful that even racists don’t want to be called racists.

          And we’ve been joking about it for decades.

  51. Deanatay

    Walky borrows Becky’s smile!

    It’s SUPER effectve!

  52. JQuire

    Walkytime = Sal desensitization therapy?

    I’m ok with that. I like this dynamic.

  53. thomas wrobel

    This reminds me of one of my favorate spider-man moments:
    http://www.byrnerobotics.com/forum/uploads/PeterSvensson/2011-08-03_105424_tumblr_llroztLuhK1qjgu18o1_500.jpg

    (which actually happened in Slotts She Hulk comic – great fun)

  54. Dave

    “I don’t got any either”. That’s all kinds of funny. Racism is not. But this is a funny conversation. Wait – I only realized the dysfunctional brother and sister are counselling the dysfunctional couple. Nice work here Mr. Willis. You have subtle and clever covered on the front and back end – once again.

    1. Cerberus

      It’s also a nice little note on growing up black in Indiana, especially in rich Indiana suburbs. We’ve seen earlier this chapter, Becky noting that her and Joyce’s hometown is… “deficient in diversity” to say the least, and here we get a clue that the Walkertons might have also grew up devoid of any one else like them in their schools and their friend circles.

      And that may explain the two of them. Walky is read as “generically beige” and so was just wacky and good at school and was more easily accepted, but Sal, with her natural hair, and being read as black, would have faced the brunt of racist school structures and would have quickly faced pressures to either be the token who never pushes back against bigotry and is perfect in every way or the “natural criminal”.

      Between that and her mom, it makes a lot of sense why she grew up with a lot of anger as well as providing a possible partial origin to that day in the corner store.

      After all, if everyone treats you like either an animal or a criminal and assumes that’s what you are…

  55. davidbreslin101

    Panels 2-5: I’d swear Willis has framed Walky against the bright sky to emphasise his darker skin colour compared to Amber’s. In which case, that’s some clever camera angles.

    1. TheNinthShader

      Or. Or! It’s secretly the illuminati!

    2. RP

      Wait, how does that orange wall end up behind her? I can see the sky being behind Walky given howuch the POV has to rotate to get a straight on view of his face, but I can’t make that work for Amazigirl.

      1. Spencer

        It’s not the sky. There’s no panel behind Walky.

      2. Kamino Neko

        The middle two Amazi-Girl panels are looking at the corner of the structure, which is to Amazi-Girl’s left and slightly in front of her, so we catch her in profile (I think Willis may have fudged the angle slightly, but this is not something I’m good at visualising).

        1. Heavensrun

          Not sure if that works or not, but if you go back to the wide shot of the roof, it actually has a series of orange pillar-walls with openings that would show sky between them. It would probably be pretty trivial to find a spot that made these panels possible.

  56. BenRG

    Something (probably stupid) jumps into my head: Too much deep talk about emotions, senses of personal failure and vulnerability all take Amber, Sal, Walky and Danny to places, emotionally, where they don’t wish to go. Two instances of mutual pity-sex occur and the four characters then have to tackle their own embarrassment and shame.

  57. wakeangel2001

    wait…has she not connected the fact that they’re twins yet?

    1. Spencer

      Nope. All she knows about Walky is that, for some reason, he “sets the corners of her brain on fire.”

      1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

        Just means part of her brains ships them.

        1. Spencer

          I never took Amber to be into incest shipping.

  58. Shadow_Captain

    My new OTP.

    1. Bagge

      Walky+cookies

  59. segnosaur

    Anyone notice the irony?

    Walky feels bad that Sal got a smaller care package than he did. Says he should have shared his cookies. So he shares them with Amber/Amazigirl, the one who views Sal as an enemy.

  60. trlkly

    Walky’s thing seems to be dark comedy. He takes dark things and jokes about them, making light of them. It’s his coping mechanism, and it’s really not a bad one.

    And it can very much help other people out. Help them see the humor in even the worst situations.

    It’s the one thing that does bug me about so many who proudly wear the social justice label. They don’t pay attention to the full context of jokes, and just get offended period.

    I am 100% an SJW. I hate actual racist jokes. But when the joke is actually anti-racist, that’s a good thing.

  61. Tenn

    I really like this interaction, if only because they never interacted in the Walkyverse.

  62. Localvigiliante

    Yeah, I can relate to Walky here. Only if other people are willing to see the humor.

    Amber is not sure what to make of Walky and it is fun to watch.

  63. Ardin

    This is important because he socialized as “white” AND thinks that having token black friends means you can’t be racist which is obviously not true? Right? Is that the moral of the strip?
    Help me out please, I’m not very socially sensitive or anything.

    1. Carriethedragon

      Ehhhh, maybe he was socialized as white more so than his sister was, but I still don’t think it’s safe to say that. But I do think you’re on to something. To me this strip shows that Walky thinks that racism is a joke that would never happen to him or, really, to others, an ignorance that’s been enabled by not really being in the company of black people.

    2. thejeff

      No, I think he’s at least aware enough to know that “I have token black friends” is a common defense used by racists or at least a common stumbling awkward defense by those accused of racism, which is why Amazi-Girl should thank him for stopping her before she blurted that out.

      Nor am I at all sure that Walky thinks racism is a joke. I think this is more just classic Walky awkward humor. Racism is on his mind because of the CARE packages and his sister, so that’s what he’s trying to joke about. It’s how he handles stressful situations, often badly. Think of his “got us out of class” joke to Joyce after the happy fun gun times.

  64. meowmeow

    that awkward moment when amazi-girl is probably racist

  65. BamBamBiggieSmalls

    Don’t be shy about Battle Royal references, but 6 panels was also pretty tight in this one. 7 would have been tougher to space.

  66. masterofthez

    So I’ve been thinking about this for a while, but does Walky have any male friends either? I’ve been running it through my head all day and the only people Walky hangs out with are Billie, Joyce, and Dorothy. Becky and Dina are up getting there. Mike is around him a lot, but Mike doesn’t really have friends. Mike just has people who can stand him.

    1. Anonymous

      It’s true, Walky mostly hangs around women. That’s partly to be expected, though, since most of the characters in DoA are women! (You can see the same effect in lots of other fiction, usually with the genders reversed. Susie Derkins, Trillian, and Princess Leia all come from stories that are mostly about male characters, so unsurprisingly that’s who they tend to hang out with.)

    2. Bagge

      Hmmmm. Now when you mention it, Walky has not gone out of his way to get friends. He hangs out with Joyce, because she is hyper social and befriended him to their mutual annoyance. He hangs out with Billie, because they were friends way back and she ended up tolerating his existence.

      The only new friend he really has gone out of his way to acquire is Dorothy, because his heart went pitter-patter. I suppose Becky will be up there as well because they are kindred spirits.

      So in conclusion, Walky is a lazy bum. Oh well, what else is new.

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