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Brace
Posted on August 3, 2018 by David M Willis
Oh, hey, I forgot to leave a message here about the first Patreon bonus strip for July!  Folks voted, and they chose Riley DeSanto, so the bonus strip is about Riley.  Any and all patrons can go check out the strip (and the entire archive of bonus strips) at the Dumbing of Age Patreon.

239 thoughts on “Brace”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    “But… Impostor Syndrome is sexy! It makes me look sympathetic!”

    “take out the ‘sym'”

    [isn’t Evan the McAwesome’s Ethan? uh…]

    1. TrueVCU

      My idiot brain read that and was like “Impostor… drome? Impostor ndroe?”

      1. Yumi

        So one time my mom was on vacation with a group. There was a friend of a friend who she’d been hanging around with, and then a new person came by and they all introduced themselves. The friend of a friend said, “My name’s like Penny with an ‘R’.”
        Which prompted my mom to say, in all seriousness and confusion, “Wait, your name’s Penner? I haven’t been calling you that at all.”

        1. Darkoneko

          At least it wasn’t penor

      2. Shen Hibiki

        I did the same… and ended up assuming I didn’t get the joke until i saw your comment. THEN I got what I did wrong XD

      3. Roborat

        In all honesty, that isn’t entirely clear. It could be either Renny, or Perry.

        1. Ana Chronistic

          Penry? Perny?

      4. Cute Carla

        impostor… DRONE?

    2. King Daniel

      In Shortpacked!, he had a bit more than a prosthetic arm, huh.

    3. not someone else

      …Dang, unrelated, but browsing through Shortpacked back then, I remember why I initially disliked Carla so much. Ultra Car was about as much of a one-note douchebag as Mike. She’s gained a TON of depth since then.

  2. Doctor_Who

    Ethan’s gonna collect prosthetic limbs from 5 different cute guys, and make a Boyfriend Transformers Combiner.

    Now, what should he call it? Dudeicus? Penasor? Daddikaiser?

    I suppose it could still be Devastator.

    1. TrueVCU

      Ravager or GTFO

      1. Schol-R-LEA

        Ravisher?

    2. adjudicus

      Peener-king

    3. Purblebirb

      Not a combiner, it’s Sexodia, he comes to obliterate that ass

      1. MatthewTheLucky

        Sexodia!? No one’s ever been able to sleep with him!

        1. Undrave

          You guys are a hoot.

    4. Tacos

      Wait. 5 prosthetic limbs? How do you make a combiner out of that?

      1. Dean

        You know how it is, it’s fairly easy to collect the four limbs, but only the rarest boyfriend comes with the prosthetic torso.

        1. Gigafreak

          Four limbs, a torso… And then Ethan gives the head.
          …FORMS! FORMS the head!

        2. Dean

          Why bother, when Blowjob Cat has cornered the market?

        3. Batman

          Blowjob cats mouth is his aim.

      2. Jason

        Four limbs and a penis?

      3. Deanatay

        The fifth limb is bigger than the others – it’s, like, Jacob-scale. It’s a Black Lion-type situation.

    5. Koms

      There was a horror series once where the girl had a prosthetic leg and she killed boyfriends who had a problem with it. And for each boyfriend she kept that leg in a box and got a new one. In the end she had a box full of many legs.

      1. Delicious Taffy

        I mean, or you could just date guys who don’t have a problem with your fake leg, but if being a complete and total nutbag works for you, live your best life.

    6. Miri

      *Comboner

      Fixed 😉

    7. Sock_V

      Conquest Prime

    8. Sam

      Exodia the Forbidden Gay

  3. TrueVCU

    Mike: [fist bumps Rocket Raccoon]

  4. Wack'd

    Arnold’s gay, but he’s also taken. He and Gerald are very happy together.

  5. King Daniel

    EthanxEvan OTP

    1. JessWitt

      I second this.

  6. Lexi

    I really like the idea that the next time we see Ethan, there will just be a prosthetic arm propped up on his dresser. I hope that happens.

    1. Foxhack

      As long as it’s not the one from Metal Gear Solid V…

  7. adjudicus

    Wait… is mike being nice? In present day? What sorcery is this?

    1. Yumi

      I don’t trust it.

      1. Inahc

        yeah, I’m scared, what horrible plan is this part of? this is *mike*! Never Trust Mike.

    2. Keulen

      Are we sure Mike isn’t drunk right now?

    3. Lingo

      I think this is the nicest thing I ever remember him saying — and that’s including all his interactions with Amber in Shortpacked!

      1. Zach

        I think he’s listing off all the guys he’s slept with himself.

        1. Roborat

          He is test driving them for Ethan, what a good friend.

    4. Ginge

      Well, he’s being nice to Ethan… by calling Danny bland and uninteresting. So it kinda evens out? He did also say that Evan is “above (his) station”, which makes it less nice than what a normal friend would say.

    5. Clif

      Mike is not being nice. On the one hand, he is seducing Ethan to get to Danny. On the other hand he’s telling Ethan that Evan is out of his league and then implying that the only reason Ethan has any interest in Evan is because of the prosthetic arm, which probably stings by virtue of being partially true. This isn’t Mike being nice; this is Mike being Mike. Which is kind of awesome in its way.

      1. Wraithy2773

        …I’ll note that anyone would read that Ethan’s kinda turned on by the prosthetic arm based on how he said it.

        I think this is Mike being genuinely kind. Partly because he knows how much Ethan’s struggling and he can’t find a cruel way to push him out of his comfort zone into being a more confident person…

        …and partly because he’s a believer in the 76th Rule of Acquisition: “Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies.”

      2. Freemage

        Clif: Except that Ethan was the one who brought up Evan–and this would apparently be the first time they’ve talked about other guys around here in this fashion.

        Up to that point, he’s being straightforward–4 panels of, “Ethan, you’re hot, here’s a list of guys on our wing whom I am almost certain you could have your choice of, and they’re all better fits for you than Wonderbread down there.”

        Now, he’s not being particularly nice to Danny, but, frankly, Danny’s not his concern.

        Furthermore, given that Mike has to have sussed out that Danny is bi, AND is at least somewhat interested in Sal, “Getting Ethan to hook up with some other guy” isn’t really likely to render that much jealousy in Danny, which would be the only sinister reason for this particular course of action.

        Does all of this mean that Mike is suddenly not an abusive, manipulative jerkface? Nope. It merely means that he’s human, and humans are weirdly complex and inconsistent. It might mean that there’s a way for him to become a better person, as he hasn’t really crossed a line the way, say, Blaine has.

        1. thejeff

          How are they better fits for him than “Wonderbread down there”?

          Even Mike says “You could bed them because you’re hot. They’ll overlook your nerdiness because you’re hot.”
          That’s not a better fit. He and Danny actually like each other and Mike knows it.

    6. Wolfbeckett

      In being nice to Ethan, he’s cockblocking Danny. So he’s still Mike.

    7. Pylgrim

      Maybe this storyline flashbacks will end showing that Mike became an asshole yet kept a genuine soft spot for Ethan?

    8. Steve

      I’m no longer sure this universe’s Mike is 100% evil.

  8. AnvilPro

    This clearly means we need a year of Arnold comics

    1. Anywhere

      Arnold is the BEST

    2. wwwhhattt

      All of them like this: https://shortpacked.com/comic/adventures

      1. ShinyNeen

        You mean, we could get more Arnold, and more Fuckface? What a combo deal!

  9. timemonkey

    Why do I have a feeling this is heading towards an huge insult towards Danny?

    1. inqntrol

      As we know Mike never helps people just because he wants to be nice, so he probably wants to break any relationship between Ethan and Danny.

    2. BBCC

      Because you’re familiar with Mike.

    3. CJ

      Because we know he thinks Danny laughable and already said about someone Ethan was”above his station”?

    4. Jago

      Because it’s Mike. You’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

    5. Jason

      I think he’s being more subtle than that. The insult is implied. He knows Ethan likes Danny, has already said he doesn’t think highly of him, and is now saying Ethan’s capable of pulling almost any dude who’s into dudes. A big insult now would probably make Ethan dig in, both about Danny and about his low self esteem, but this? This is more likely to get into his head.
      Which in a way I totally approve of.

  10. DailyBrad

    I know he’s probably saying this to say, “But this Danny” etc etc. Which is a little comical, given he’s actually been demonstrated to be, yes, dorky, but also one of the more successful characters when it comes to love interests.

    Danny’s a dweeb, but he’s an attractive dweeb.

  11. Bunk

    If Evan and Ethan got together is that some sort of masturbation?

  12. Passchendaele

    Mike stop weaponizing the truth to detonate my Ethan/Danny ship

  13. BBCC

    Oh huh, he’s being not entirely crappy.

    If I didn’t know Mike was planning on seducing Ethan to upset Danny, I’d wonder what was up.

  14. Mr. Random

    I like how the second Ethan has confirmation he can do better, he just drops any pretext of pining over Danny.

    1. timemonkey

      He thinks Danny’s off the table anyway.

    2. Jago

      He and Danny aren’t happening anyway, they actually talked about that, because that would suck of them. Because they’re Ambers friends, and I think you know Ethan’s history with Amber.

      1. Clif

        Well, you know, they talked about it before Sal flipped Danny leading to Amber dumping him.

        1. badumtiss

          Yeah but I’m pretty sure “don’t date the exes” is one of the top five best friend rules. With a special addendum of “especially not while your friend is emotionally fragile”

        2. Victor

          But it’s the quickest and easiest path to a Ethan/Danny/Amber/Sal foursome.

        3. Emily

          I don’t get this when you’re on good terms with the ex in question. Like, sure if there’s friction there you expect your friend to be on your side but otherwise it just seems weirdly proprietary to have this indefinite claim on a person. I’d appreciate them talking to me ahead of time but I don’t really understand having an issue with it unless you’re still hung up on them.

        4. thejeff

          Whole bunch of reasons. There’s always some friction and awkwardness right afterwards. You don’t want to leave them thinking “you broke up with me because of them”.
          Given a bit of time and some working out of how your new friendship is going to work, if there is going to be one, I’d say it wouldn’t be a problem.

          In Amber’s case, it’s particularly delicate since the friend is also an ex who broke up when he admitted/realized he was gay, so having Danny not only realize he wasn’t straight, but jump right into a relationship with Ethan would be even more awkward than usual.

        5. Emily

          Well, I get it in this context (although honestly Danny doesn’t really owe Amber shit because the person doing the hurting was her) but I meant more how people treat it as a hard rule that is always true.

        6. BBCC

          Technically it was Amazi-Girl who did the hurting, not Amber, but yes, Danny doesn’t owe either anything. This is just Danny being a sweetie.

        7. thejeff

          I don’t think “owing” is the way to think about it.
          Danny cares for Amber. He doesn’t want to hurt her. He thinks this would, therefore he won’t do it.
          No one owes anybody anything.
          You can say he shouldn’t care whether it hurts Amber or not, but he does.

          I kind of agree in general, though I think it’s bad form to move too fast on it.

        8. Emily

          Well yeah, but that’s why I mentioned there being friction between the people in question. It doesn’t have to mean they hate each other just that they haven’t moved into a comfortable relationship dynamic post breakup yet.

          And yes, it’s definitely a case of Danny being compassionate I just meant that he wouldn’t be in the ethical wrong for not being terribly concerned about Amber’s feelings if he were a less empathetic person.

  15. Stephen Bierce

    *plays a little of Frank Zappa’s “Plastic People” on the hacked Muzak*

    1. Marsh Maryrose

      I have 9-hour-off jet lag, plus only half the sleep I normally get in a 3-day period, plus a wicked cold.

      So of course I read “Plastic People” as “Common People.”

      Not capable at the moment of making clever commentary on the two songs in relation to this strip, but I’m sure that there is some to be found.

    2. Remmington Steele

      Followed by Are Friends Electric?

      1. Michelle J. Caboose

        Or maybe “Plastic Fantastic Lover” by Jefferson Airplane?

        btw, I recently read on Wikipedia that in Donovan’s song “Mellow Yellow,” in the line “Electrical banana is going to be a certain craze, electrical banana refers to a yellow vibrator.

        1. JoeCovenant

          Or “Automatic Lover” by Dee D. Jackson.
          (Not that you young whippersnappers will know that one!)

          🙂

  16. bejouled

    This has been building in me for the past several strips now
    and I just have to say it:

    I actually like Mike.

    1. de Combys

      I’ve always liked Mike. I really hope this arc will help people look back on the comic and try to interpret what he did in the past under a new light. I feel like most people dehumanize him instead of looking at the actual global picture of his character. Heck it’s so intense that it makes people go all “You condone abuse!” on you if you say you like him.

      I mean yeah he’s not very expressive, but even that lack of expressivity communicates something on a deeper level. When Amazi-Girl violently knocked him down to the floor and didn’t even apologize, he responded with offensive humor. Most of the comment sections was going on about how he’s supposedly a rapey abusive jerkass and all because of his joke, almost none were talking about how he was simply being abrasive to someone who gratuitously hurt him without giving a fuck. And the people trying to give another point of view were getting massively argued against.

      People him use him as a scapegoat, just like Amber did in the past. Well done, Willis, you laid down your cards so smoothly that you managed to get your audience to reproduce the main characters’ mindsets without them even realizing it.

      1. adjudicus

        There’s not much a global picture of him, though, cause in the present he’s mostly just been an unusually perceptive edgelord asshole. Sure, his past behaviour might explain his actions, but they sure as hell don’t justify them

        1. Zach

          There are no villains here doing evil ‘4 te evilz’. Maybe you should go reread his strips.

        2. Emily

          There are plenty of people being awful just for the feeling of power it gives them over others: Mary, Blaine, Ryan, Mike.

        3. Jago

          “For power” is a motive, though, and Mary has her own prejudices as well.
          Mike seems to be the only one who does is just because he can, honestly. He is not particularly prejudiced in his actions from what I’ve read. Maybe that’s what makes him an interesting character?

        4. Emily

          I can’t remember the last time Mike picked on someone who wasn’t queer, nonwhite, a woman or some combination of the three.

        5. thejeff

          To be fair, that’s most of the cast and all of the people he’s closest to. (Seriously, who in the main cast doesn’t fall into at least one of those? Joe. Anyone else?)

          He’s mostly targeted his two closest “friends” from high school – Amber and Ethan. Who happen to be a woman and gay, respectively.
          He’s targetted his roommate (non-white) and his now ex-girlfriend.

          Everything else has been been pretty much targets of opportunity.

          Some of what he’s thrown at Dorothy has been tied to her being a woman – double standard stuff mostly. Not so much for Amber. Walky’s stuff hasn’t been racial, as far as I remember.
          Ethan’s has been related to him being gay, I guess, but not really in a homophobic way. He’s plotting to seduce him, which is related, but hardly bigoted.

          The only major case that doesn’t match that combination that comes to mind was his early role as punchy chaperone at Joyce and Joe’s date.

        6. BBCC

          Joe is Jewish so whether or not he’s white is a thorny question as well.

        7. Amazi-Stool

          Evan Even Mike in this very comic mentions Ethan’s ‘ethnoreligious “situation”‘ – indicating that Jews are considered as an ethnic minority (actually this is based on what Ethan said in a previous comic).

        8. thejeff

          At which point, I don’t think we’ve got anyone left, so “Mike only picks on queer, nonwhite or female people” isn’t really saying anything.

          There are some outright villains and some of the parents and maybe a few of the named characters with incredibly minor roles.

        9. Vangeln

          Jason.

        10. Jago

          Name one white, heterosexual dude. And no, Joe doesn’t count, Joe’s Jewish.
          I honestly can’t think of one right now.

        11. adjudicus

          He has no other discernible motive. Some people say he’s helpful to those around him, but for every “helpful” action he’s done there’s another shitty one that seems to be done just because he can.

      2. thejeff

        I can’t really see how you’re reading him. I mean “he’s not very expressive”?
        I don’t see how it fits. Was all his messing around with Walky and Dorothy just not being expressive? He keeps notes on people’s weaknesses to use against them.
        At least it’s not the usual “asshole sage” argument.

        As for that old scene, I don’t recall much talk about him being rapey. It’s been used to say he was honest and that he’s got masochistic tendencies, but that’s not the same thing.

        1. de Combys

          I don’t know what you refer to as “messing with Walky and Dorothy”. For example with the toy thing, what I saw was a guy trying to cut some of the loose ends of his roommate’s destructive relationship while pointing out Dorothy’s inconsistencies.

          And yeah, being cut and dry counts as not being very expressive. He doesn’t talk about himself, he doesn’t offer sympathy, and he doesn’t show his emotions.

        2. thejeff

          At the start – going into the gender class to embarass Walky.
          Recording Walky crying and telling his friends about it
          Setting up a hoax to get Walky crying in the first place
          Taking pictures of them in bed and threatening to spread them later

          That’s off the top of my head.

          And “pointing out Dorothy’s inconsistencies” doesn’t win him any points. Just another weak point for him to attack.

          He may not talk about himself or show his emotions, but that in itself has little to do with what he does or how he’s perceived.

    2. Cody C.

      You’re not the only one in that camp. I’ve grown to like DoA Mike. Especially in his recent appearances.

    3. geno

      I have liked Mike since Dina’s death in It’s Walky. Willis shows a lot of depth in the character even though he doesn’t really talk about his feelings to anyone. I will never argue that Mike isn’t an asshole, but it really bothers me how much of the comment section think he’s a bigot or something even though he has never expressed any prejudice whatsoever. The dude cares about people, and is a piece of shit. I think that’s interesting.

      1. de Combys

        Yeah, I agree mostly with what you said. I’m not so sure that he’s an asshole, though. What I see is that he has pretty heavily loaded defense mechanisms and that he’s willing to go to great lengths to protect others, to a point where he actually seems to me like he’s a very good guy who deals with trauma.

        He shows a nonchalant, inexpressive face, but internally he’s constantly evaluating risks associated with other people and situations. He accumulates tremendous information on the matter, and never seems to be able to simply relax his mind. It’s like he’s always preparing for the worst, but I don’t see any of the “mastermind” motives people attribute him. It’s more likely that it’s to be prepared to defend other people, while always preemptively defending himself with his apparently callous attitude. He’s always on guard.

        His past seems to point that way too, because we get to see him when his defenses weren’t so high yet.

        1. thejeff

          What, in the current time (as opposed to flashback Mike) has he done to defend other people?

      2. thejeff

        I certainly wouldn’t say he’s a bigot and I don’t see that used commonly about him.

        He’s an asshole, IMO. I’ve called him an Edgelord, which does often link to bigotry, but isn’t quite the same. He’s an Edgelord in the sense that he gets his kicks out of messing with people. A meatspace Internet Troll, if you’d rather.

        1. Emily

          Mike isn’t a bigot so much as he just targets people who are vulnerable and if those people just so happen to be pretty much exclusively minorities well he doesn’t actually give a fuck.

        2. thejeff

          Exception: He’s definitely targeted Dorothy with the usual female double standard.
          “You’re ambitious. I’ll have pictures of you and Walky ready to derail your political career.”

          I don’t think he’s used anything racist or homophobic.

  17. TemporalShrew

    We haven’t seen what Mike’s gonna say next, but even assuming he’s just being “nice,” which I really don’t buy, he’s still phrasing it in a kind of annoying way. It’s one thing to downplay the severity of the issues Ethan thinks he has, but it’s another entirely to do what Mike is doing, which is essentially “Your personality doesn’t MATTER, you’re hot!” The way to assuage someone’s concerns as to who they are as a person, even in how it relates to others, isn’t to say “your identity is irrelevant.”

    Like, I get the point he’s attempting to make, but the worldview to which he adheres, in which he primarily *uses* people as a means to an end, rather than actually connecting with them, really shines through, both in the cynical way he views other people’s perspectives and in the fact that he seems to draw no distinction between “bedding” someone and actually being with them.

    I dunno, I’m not as down on Mike as some people, at least as a character, but for some reason the way he’s talking here just rubs me the wrong way, and that’s before he inevitably turns it into a manipulative thing.

    1. TemporalShrew

      Maybe I’m just picking at the way he’s saying things too closely. He’s definitely being less terrible than usual by a long shot, at least.

    2. Roger

      I mean I wouldn’t go that far-I’m no fan of Mike, he’s kind of a massive manipulative prick, even if this is some kind of ass backwards complement he’s still being a jackass about it and I am certain that part of this is still being given in bad faith, et cetera and so forth

      BUT

      Panel 4 is important to look at, and it’s good that that’s being said to Ethan, because he subjects himself to so much self-hatred and embarrassment and self-loathing because of these parts of himself that he thinks plants him firmly as an Other, Someone who will face rejection and deserve it. So part of me is glad that Mike is calling him out on it, because maybe if he can figure out how to own up to those parts of himself he’ll be able to, yknow, grow as a person and live a better life. And maybe if he can learn to accept those parts of himself, he’ll start seeing how other parts of him are good too.

      But also Mike’s still framing a lot of this in reference to Ethan being hot, which best I can figure is objectively correct but also without context holds the implication that those parts would be a problem if he were average or ugly. So that’s shitty even while he’s being “nice”. Ugly people got rights too yknow.

      1. TemporalShrew

        Yeah, I genuinely believe that some of the stuff he’s saying to Ethan is stuff he absolutely needs to hear. I just wish it wasn’t such an important message embedded in so many more wrongheaded statements.

        I’d still take this over his usual approach, though, assuming this isn’t PART of his “usual approach.”

        1. Michelle J. Caboose

          I don’t see it as a departure from his “usual approach.” His usual approach seems to be manipulation and/or mind games — at least until he gets tired of hearing someone whining and moaning about something that’s either untrue or completely irrelevant. Then he whacks them upside the face with the clue bat.

      2. Mishkiel

        But “ugly people have rights” isn’t really relevant to his statement. Hot people have an easier time getting their foot in the door of a relationship, as it were. This is a fact. A six pack and an awesome jawline can cover a multitude of “personality flaws”, especially when they aren’t flaws to begin with.

  18. Tacos

    It- It’s really weird seeing present Mike saying something nice.

    1. Clif

      If you think Mike is saying something nice, then you aren’t really listening. Mike is, however, saying something that Ethan needs to hear.

      1. thejeff

        Is he?
        I’m not sure “People will fuck you because you’re hot, despite not liking anything else about you” is what anyone needs to hear.

        1. Emily

          Maybe if Mike hadn’t worded this whole thing like a goddamn neg I could buy the “Mike is being nice” perspective but this entire monologue is peppered with insults. “Your insecurities are stupid” “Your personality and interests don’t matter” “You’re not good enough for that dude.”

        2. thejeff

          Negging is a good way to put it.

  19. rachel

    Hmmmm I think this is pretty fetishizing in a not cool way. I know Ethan likes Transformers, but Joe likes women but we never, ever hear rape jokes in this comic. Is that really the joke, that he likes transformers so much that he’s devotee? here is a thing from scarleteen about this if you have not heard about it: http://www.scarleteen.com/your_body_is_not_a_sex_object_devotees_and_disability

    1. TemporalShrew

      I get the point that you (and this article) are making, but Ethan’s clearly not JUST fetishizing the fact that he has a prosthetic limb. If he finds it attractive, I acknowledge that that is something that might not feel good, from the perspective of the person that has it, but it’s also not something Ethan can control finding cool, and it isn’t as though he’s implying that that’s the sole reason he’s interested.

      He’s not looking past the guy and at his arm, he’s looking at the guy and thinking, oh, and he also has this thing that I find interesting.

    2. Leorale

      I read it that Ethan finds Evan attractive, and in describing him, and among other descriptors, he mentions Evan’s prosthesis. He’s a bit shy of mentioning the prosthesis, possibly because it’s rude to draw attention to it, but I didn’t read it that Ethan’s only attracted to his arm.

      1. King Daniel

        The prosthesis is also a reference to Shortpacked!, where Evan…had a lot more than just a prosthetic arm.

        (Spoiler: the only part of him that was even partially organic by the end was his head.)

  20. Questionor

    So I searched all the name tags cause I couldn’t remember who was who. Some came up. Some said Page not found. But Evan, came up but with empty results instead of page not found…. ???

    1. JessWitt

      All in good time, dear Questionor.

      Or you can search through Willis’ tumblr.

    2. Lingo

      Manny and Evan are Shortpacked! characters who haven’t shown up here yet but probably will. The only name I don’t recognize is “Tom”. I don’t remember a Tom in this strip or in the Walkyverse.

    3. MatthewTheLucky

      He’s from Shortpacked.

      1. Roborat

        He is friends with Richard and Harold.

  21. Jaime

    I really kind of want someone to say this to me. ☹️

    1. TheHorseCouncil

      I don’t know you, but you are someone who deserves love and are capable of recieving it. There are people who will no doubt be attracted to you, for your mind, your looks, your personality. If you are unconfident in yourself in anyway try to nurture that side of yourself, it goes a long way to bring in love. Love yourself and others will too. 🙂
      Love a stranger you’ve never met.

      1. Jaime

        Thank you so much for your kind words, TheHorseCouncil. If you like kittehs and hugs, please accept some virutal kittehs and hugs. ? ? ?

        I’m in a long-term relationship with a partner who says he loves me, and I have a very supportive family. I also have a chronic medical condition (a DVT) and am clinically depressed (I’m on medication and in therapy). It’s easy for my brain to tell me that I’m NOT good enough, I’m NOT pretty enough, I’m NOT skinny enough, I’m NOT smart enough. It’s hard for me to love myself because I always feel like I could be doing better. For example, one of my goals when I was a kid was to win the Nobel Prize. Right now I’m TERRIFIED that I may not earn tenure at my school. It doesn’t help that I come from a family of VERY highly-achieving people.

        But again, thank you. Per the advice of my therapist, I’m trying to not compare myself to other people and to believe others when they compliment me (I just got SERIOUSLY hit on last weekend, and one of my former colleagues said that the essay I submitted to their publication was brilliant).

        I am trying very hard to negotiate my own mental blocks and deep-seated insecurity. I was bullied pretty badly through elementary and middle school and when I first got sick with my DVT (and trust me, I was VERY SICK – I spent about two weeks in the hospital), I lost most of my college friends because they thought I was lying about being sick (I WASN’T). I definitely have an inferiority complex and it’s always helpful to get support.

        (In terms of cute things – you MUST look up the “tiny goats” encounters at the Oregon Zoo on YouTube. Tiny goats wander around around the zoo (with their handlers) and meet other animals. The most recent video was tiny goats meeting tortoises – and they RODE ON THE TORTOISES. I DIE of cute!)

        1. TheHorseCouncil

          No problem :>
          We all have out struggles, and it helps to get support and encouragement whenever of from wherever.
          It sounds like you have some lovely goals more than myself and that is wonderful and it is good to hear that you do have a supportive love in your life.

          Thank you gor the tiny goat recommendations ill look into them. 😀

        2. Inahc

          *jedi hugs*

          being sick sucks.

  22. Kris

    Ethan needs that arm! It’s a vital part of a very speciic plan!

  23. Kyrik Michalowski

    Mike seems to be offering a serious confidence boost for Ethan, one he really does need. What’s the catch?

    1. Michelle J. Caboose

      I think Mike’s just tired of Ethan’s constant “Boo-hoo, nobody will ever love me because I’m a gay nerd” pity party. Low self-esteem is a horrible thing for the person who has it, but even the most patient, empathetic person in the world gets tired of hearing about what a miserable piece of garbage you are and will eventually try to convince you it isn’t true. Many will tell you it isn’t true just to try and shut you up. This seems more Mike’s speed.

      He’s also curious as to what it is that Ethan sees in Danny (who he’s trying to make jealous by getting together with Ethan). So, fact-finding mission as well, maybe?

      Another (admittedly remote) possibility: Mike’s becoming interested in Danny as well, and is pumping Ethan for info while disguising his interest as an attempt to make Ethan stop whining about his unfortunate lot in life.

      1. thejeff

        There’s little reason to believe it’s not all part of his plan to seduce Ethan to make Danny a jealous whimpering mess.
        Exactly how it fits in isn’t clear, but since he’s told us that’s what he’s up to, I’m not going out of my way to come up with other motivations.

        1. Pi

          There’s also little reason to believe he’s not being sincere in this instance.

          This strip stands out because it’s the most sincere we’ve ever seen Mike, probably in all of his incarnations, but he had another moment not too long ago. http://www.dumbingofage.com/2018/comic/book-8/03-faz-is-great/upfront/

          He might not be telling Ethan the whole truth there, but this older strip proves he has not intention of isolating him.

          We know Mike is planning to seduce Ethan, but it’s never been said anywhere what the actual end goal of that is. I’m not going to argue every action Mike takes is to help people (that’s stretching it and a little silly, imo), but I think it’s clear by this point that Ethan is someone he genuinely cares about. The “get out of Mike’s bullshit free” card wasn’t just a one-off joke, but something he actually has.

          At the least, the February strip proves he has no intention of isolating him to pull it off. Panel 5, meanwhile, pairs hand in hand with today’s strip: it’s a moment of sincerity, encouraging Ethan to get out there and explore a more fulfilling relationship, be it emotional or physical.

        2. Emily

          Part of it is probably the sledgehammer subtle implication that Ethan is “too good” for Danny.

  24. TheHorseCouncil

    I dont think mike wants to help people. I think he wants them to help themselves. I think he feels guilt for getting involved with Amber’s situation and also realize he bit off more than he could chew. I dont know how to describe his approach to amber and Ethan but most times it seems to be “troll them into action” maybe if i say x they will do x out of spite or maybe if i say x it will offend them enough to do something about it. Idk. He doesn’t actively help but he also doesnt actively mind his own business either….
    That being said he may have a softer spot for ethan most of the times hes said something to ethan about his gay thing is either flat sarcasm or blunt honesty like today he doesn’t go full edgelord with ethan is what I’m saying .

    Also he doesnt extend any of this to anyone else. He’s a plain dick to everyone else.

    1. Dana

      The way I read it, he has a bit of a soft spot for Joyce too. I try not to, but I ship them.

      1. TheHorseCouncil

        I forgot he’s slightly nicer to her too. Maybe cuz she doesnt let him push her around?

        1. thejeff

          I suspect that’s it.
          And it’s on of my big problems with the various “Mike’s really falling for Ethan” theories. If it carries over from SP! and I suspect it does, Mike’s perfectly happy to screw people as part of screwing them over, but he’s only going to fall for someone who can stand up to him.
          Ethan’s a pushover. Mike’s not really going for that.

    2. Miri

      From what we have seen he’s not at all unpleasant to Amber’s mother…

      1. TheHorseCouncil

        No of course not. But their dynamic isnt like others his age and himself. I think he actually respects her authority as an adult unlike say blaine. He doesnt extend that respect to most others his age.

        1. Clif

          Mike will respect your mother for a nickle.

      2. Kyrik Michalowski

        I think he legitimately does care about some people, and if he feels that way in any capacity to Amber’s mom then it may also explain his clear hatred of Blaine. Granted anyone with half a brain should hate Blaine, I’d love to see him get hit by a truck but I feel that is too quick a death for him.

  25. NaYa

    I’m more curious about this Arnold that Mike actually can’t get a good read on. Is he the second Mike?!

    1. TheHorseCouncil

      Hes Ken’s chill friend from the shortpacked days. Idk what he is here. If i remeber correctly he never talked much if at all. Like a silent bob

  26. ShinyNeen

    Careful, Mike, you’re givin’ me a little bit of whiplash, now.

    (Also, I guess that’s the DoA equivalent to Evan’s whole, uh, ‘situation’ in Shortpacked? Neat!)

  27. butts

    damn you, willis, this would’ve been a perfect time for a posterior shot

    couldn’t you, like

    pan down

    just a little

    1. TheHorseCouncil

      I see youre and equal opportunity butt savant.

  28. Lone Duck

    I don’t think Ethan wants the arm. I think it was Mike’s attempt at disarming humor. Not certain, just going out on a limb with this one.

    1. TheHorseCouncil

      How lond did you have those handy?

      1. TheHorseCouncil

        *long (jeezus)

      2. King Daniel

        I bet that joke was being indexed for a long while.

        1. adjudicus

          *elbows people out of the way* I hear the sound of puns!

        2. wwwhhattt

          Ugh, a pun thread. Guess I’ll be giving you lot the cold shoulder.

        3. ShinyNeen

          Really? I find them quite gripping! Gonna palm some of these puns for the future.

        4. King Daniel

          Some people would fight tooth and nail to win the pun war.

        5. adjudicus

          It’s not yet over? I thought all of you had been de-feet-ed already!

        6. ShinyNeen

          Wait, this is a war? I’m no fighter! Could I talk you into signing an arm-istice?

        7. Lone Duck

          You shouldn’t strive to win a pun war, but seek detachment in all things.

    2. 3oranges

      Ha, very humerus.

  29. AKP

    I have very mixed feelings about this interaction.

    1. Clif

      As well you should.

  30. Sam

    I am… shocked. This is the first time present day Mike has directly pointed out someone’s problem in a way that isn’t to make them feel bad about it or come with making them feel utterly terrible about it and in fact comes with reassurances. And he even offered to steal a file for Ethan so that he could 3D print a cool prosthetic arm which is kind of nice I guess?

    I don’t know what to say to this other than that I am remembering how it is a stark contrast to how Mike addressed this with him at an earlier point before where he just added further reason on to why he was going to be alone.

    Makes me wonder if he is remembering some of the times in the flashbacks where he genuinely did try to look out for his friends and has whimsically decided to do something at least halfway nice again. I am still skeptical and expect that the next strip will ruin it. But by itself in this moment, I am allowing myself to enjoy it and the idea of Mike actually being nice. I don’t expect it to last. And I know it could just be part of his scheme. But for today, I will enjoy it. And tomorrow, I will see if it was just leading into bad stuff again.

  31. newllend(henryvolt)

    I don’t know about getting on the “let’s stroke off Ethans ego” Band wagon but I got to agree here. So what If he’s a nerd the guys like what 5,9 with the genetic build of a young Channing Tatum, no one’s going to give a shit because it’s been proven already anyone of any gender is attracted to him.

    And if you don’t believe me here’s exhibit A&B

    A-http://www.dumbingofage.com/2014/comic/book-4/04-the-whiteboard-dong-bandit/thoughts/

    B-http://www.dumbingofage.com/2015/comic/book-5/03-the-butterflies-fly-away/tall/

    Hello if he wanted to and played his cards with enough Swagger he could walk out there right now and talk his way into a Danny/Ethan/Sal 3-way instead of staring at them from from a second story building from afar. So this there’s no reason for this insecurity.

    1. JessWitt

      5’11 or 6’ actually.

      1. newllend(henryvolt)

        Are there actaul hight measurements for the characters?

        1. JessWitt

          Some characters’ heights are listed in walkypedia.

        2. BBCC

          Rough heights I’ve gleaned from Willis comments over the years:

          5′ – Marcie
          5’1 – Dina
          5’3 – Amber
          5’4 – Joyce
          5’5 – Dorothy
          roughly 5’6ish – Roz (she usually seems taller than Dorothy)
          5’7 – Bilie, Walky, Sal
          5’9 – Danny, Mike
          5’10 – Sarah, Ruth,
          6′ – Carla, Ethan, Jacob, Joe

        3. BBCC

          Becky’s about the same height as Joyce btw.

    2. newllend(henryvolt)

      The links were supposed to go to the strips “Tall” & “Thoughts.” They’refused not working for some reason.

      1. Inahc

        probably because there wasn’t a space before the http.

  32. JessWitt

    Well done Mike for saying what I’ve been thinking all this time.

    *gasp* Could I actually have a secret jerk side within me?

  33. Darth Apatheus

    I think one of Mike’s main problems is that when he normally is trying to help people realize things about themselves and their situation he can be under sarcastic, like his sarcasm is not detected by people for some reason. For example this comic and the 2 after: http://www.dumbingofage.com/2012/comic/book-2/02-choosing-my-religion/primal/
    Like he is trying to get across that he traded a lifetime of self delusion for temporary discomfort and eventual happiness but Ethan takes his sarcastic and wrong advice. Mike is honestly disappointed in Ethan for going after Joyce.

    This dialogue is referenced in this comic as well, at least as far as I can tell. Ethan might have actually been the one to make Mike realize he was Bi and mike honestly thinks he could be happy just being himself. Unfortunately his assholishness is baked into his very core so he has to specify that he is actually trying to be nice before saying nice things. I have that problem too but I’m probably at least slightly less of an asshole about it.

    1. DinaWho

      That’s always been my read on that particular incident as well.

    2. thejeff

      The problem with that theory is that it seems that most of the times he’s supposedly trying to help it backfires and there are a good number of times where the helping idea doesn’t make sense at all: taping Walky crying?

  34. QueerCat

    Theory: Mikes master plan this whole time was to lure all the men in his dorm into a giant orgy using Ethan as the sexy nerd bait.

    1. Manapan

      My god. This would force me to buy that Slipshine subscription.

      1. JessWitt

        Same.

    2. Axel

      I’m into it

  35. Aprion

    Its moments like these that make you wonder if, at the end of the day, Mike is really the only sane person there.

  36. Tarpo

    I love that Mike is STILL the same asshole POS that he has always been like in Shortpacked. But its because he sees everyone being stupid all the damn time and are so hyped up on their own bullshit that he is just so sick of it that he realized he can do WHATEVER the hell he pleases and it will all still go on. Like some sort of bisexual cosmic watcher who will occasionally bang someone

  37. Eldritch Gentleman

    I’m uncomfortably reminded of that time Boyle from B99 bragged about having sex with a grandma transformer… I guess that Would be Ethan’s dream.

  38. BenRG

    You can tell how long Mike and Ethan have been close in one way or another by the speed in which their conversation turns into semi-random observations and questions that would only make sense to close friends.

  39. Crabbadon

    I… did not see the ‘r’ in the hovertext.

  40. Platypus King

    Gotta agree with Mike, though.
    Shortpacked! Ethan was cool and cute enough, but, the way Willis draws DOA Ethan is quite fine! I’d give him my best Pepe Le Pew routine.
    (Of course, I was already Bi, but still–)

  41. StClair

    so I guess Ethan’s actual orientation is robosexual?

    1. StClair

      (or the Venn intersection of “robots” and “dudes”, which covers most Transformers)

  42. GUIGUI

    I checked the Tag search, Evan has never appeared in the comic before.

  43. kitty

    god i wish i were evan

  44. kitty

    just let eef have a boyfriend!!!!

    1. Platypus King

      I’m with Kitty!
      I would love it to be DANNY, but, seriously, ANY cute dude!
      PLEASE?!!

  45. Seth

    Re: alt text: So, you’re saying he needs to spend some time grinding?

  46. Zaxares

    I know you’re trying to help, Mike, but I can’t say that I agree with what you’re saying. You’re essentially trying to foster in Ethan an attitude of “I’m hot, so I can bang anybody of my choosing because they all want me.” This is exactly the SAME attitude that Malaya and Joe have towards their sexual conquests, and we LAMBAST them for it. Is that really what you want for Ethan?

    Yes, Ethan needs a good dose of self-confidence, but there’s a difference between healthy self-confidence and toxic self-confidence that leads you to start believing that other people are only here to meet your gratifications.

    1. Jago

      Someone with bad self-confidence is not just gonna turn into a toxic, self-absorbed asshole over night, and over a compliment like this.

      1. thejeff

        No, but he’s not going to get to healthy self-confidence by having “You’re hot so people will ignore that you’re a nerd” thrown at him.
        That’s not even in the direction of healthy self-confidence.

        Which of course makes me thing Mike isn’t trying to help, but then I don’t trust Mike to start with.

        1. Elisto

          Giving bad advice doesn’t mean he’s not sincere about it.

        2. thejeff

          But we do know he has a long term plan to seduce Ethan to drive Danny to a whimpering jealous mess. It makes me doubt his sincerity about anything touching on them.

        3. Emily

          My greatest hope is that Danny’s rad new hat and ukulele make him so chill that he’s entirely unaffected by this plot.

  47. Varangian

    I mean, you’re right, Mike, but if corruption and aiding Ethan’s sexual dominion of the wing is the thing you’re into then maybe HELP him bang Danny

  48. Agemegos

    Is Mike asserting that no guy in the wing is straight or asexual?

    I mean, college and all, but still….

    1. comPUNctionless

      Agreed. Mike is not being nice. Mike is being consistently, darkly nefarious. Folks can’t and don’t just change their orientation willy nilly like blind man’s buff.

      Ethan is being groomed for the farce. He is the butt of the slapstick to come.

    2. tbf

      I think Mike is exaggerating for effect but Walky is heteroflexible, and I suspect Joe is too given his libido. Dumbiverse Jacob’s the only one I can’t defend not being Kinsey zero, but it’s also a bad idea to bang your roomie.

      1. thejeff

        I’m not sure high libido is at all linked with not being completely straight.

    3. thejeff

      It does seem that he names the potentially gay/bi guys on the wing. He doesn’t mention Walky or Joe or Jacob, for example.

    4. Fart Captor

      In theory some of them MIGHT be straight, but any more than like one or maybe two of them would just be unrealistic

      1. King Daniel

        I think I see what you did there.

  49. Emily

    I don’t see how “Nobody cares about who you are as a person they just want you for your body” is in any way a positive thing to say to someone.

    1. Jago

      “You’re attrative, nobody cares if you’re a nerd (besides you)” is not a negative thing to say to someone who puts themselves down all the time either. Giving someone some confidence in how others view them is not a bad thing, even if it’s coming from Mike.

      1. King Daniel

        Remember how one of the earliest Ethan/Mike strips in the comic was Ethan putting himself down (with some help from Mike, admittedly) about how being a “gay Jewish nerd” would basically mean he was doomed to be alone forever – thus precipitating his return to the closet? This strip is, at least in part, a callback to that.

    2. BenRG

      It is very characteristic of how Mike views the world.

    3. SillyGoose

      I see his comment in a slightly different way: he starts out by pointing out that Ethan is attractive and won’t die alone in spite of his quirks – which is nice and probably wht he meant to say;
      but then he interrupts himself with a jaded observation on the fact that these “quirks” get a pass *because* Ethan is attractive and that someone ugly would possibly have sadder prospects.

      The way I see Mike, he’s profoundly disturbed by the injustice of this world. And the fact that hot people get preferential treatment is fucking unfair, even when it’s his friend.

      People have been dubbing him “Edgelord”, and it’s not false but it’s not the whole truth. There is a wounded idealist under the poser asshole.

      1. Emily

        If Mike truly gave a single solitary damn about the injustice in the world he wouldn’t endlessly perpetuate it by victimizing people who already suffering under that injustice with his petty bullshit mind games. He wouldn’t exploit it to get away with treating people like garbage without facing any real consequences. Mike’s a fucking abusive monster who constantly punches down at people who are already having a rough time. I don’t CARE about his “wounded idealism” (if that’s even an accurate assessment of him) because his actions are those of an evil asshole who doesn’t really care about anyone but himself. I hope he gets hit by 7 buses.

        1. Emily

          At the same time.

        2. SillyGoose

          Oh, to be clear, I certainly don’t think it excuses any of his behaviour.
          I just think it might explain it.

          Also I have a hard time believing that it can be explained away by “he enjoys victimizing people, full stop”. He certainly gets something out of acting like a jerk, but rather than enjoying seeing people hurt, I think it might be a distanciating mechanism.
          Again, not that I condone siding with the perpetrators to avoid empathizing with the victims. I am NOT saying it’s ok.

  50. Robin Lionheart

    Say what? “You make dudes realize they’re bi just by walking past, like Pepe Le Pew but for boners”?

    Pepe Le Pew’s whole shtick is that he’s a skunk that chases female cats who are repulsed by his odor. He only thinks he’s irresistable.

    1. TheHorseCouncil

      I think he meant the cartoons in general….. he phrased it weird. Like ethan is the cat and pepe le pew is the boners( aroused when ethan walks by)

    2. Clif

      Mike meant they are aroused when Ethan walks by, just like Pepe Le Pew instantly is when the cat walks by.

    3. 3oranges

      I got the impression it was about how everyone reacts to Pepe Le Pew instantly, even the slightest glimpse making them scream “Le Pew!” But instead of for running in terror, for boners.

  51. Delicious Taffy

    “Brace yourself for a bit of a shock, Ethan, but I just saw you die.”

  52. Human

    Manny’s lived in their wing the whole time? I miss him.

  53. caesaria82

    So Ethan is Rocket Raccoon, is that what’s happening here?

  54. Darth Apatheus

    I think I have a hypothesis about just how Mike do.

    1. He genuinely does not like Walky all that much, he is not a great roommate if we want to be honest. I can’t find any hidden motivations he just likes being an asshole to Walky and Dorothy due to association.

    2. He is friends with Amber, Ethan, and Joyce. His machinations and plots are based on the truth or misunderstood sarcasm and he generally does not go out of his way to hurt them.

    3. Random people are generally either non entities or ways to get rid of his boredom. Seriously Walky, Dorothy, Amber, Ethan, and Joyce are the only people he talks to more than once, I looked at all the comics he speaks in. However in the majority of comics he is in, he is silently watching from the background.

    Thus I have come to this conclusion, Mike is a true neutral asshole. People he likes are told all of their problems via sarcasm. People he does not like are told their problems, then he twists the knife and stays to watch. If you are not either one of these catagories he simply entertains himself. The reason I like him is because Ethan is my favorite character and Mike helps him learn, even if he is an asshole doing it.

    1. 3oranges

      Maybe. But while being an asshole to someone is not the right way to help them, it seems as if some people can get benefit from it anyway, more than others.

      We’ve seen Joyce turn someone acting inappropriate into self-improvement (Roz’s in-class denouncement). Ethan and Amber are each self-loathing enough that people can imagine something similar happening, even if it’s not the kind of support they actually should have. Not so Dorothy and Walky, who know their problems and are trying to figure them out.

      In other words, it also seems possible that he is just awful to everyone who is willing or forced to spend time with him, and it only appears differently based on how you think the victims might react. How much Mike is willing to hurt his friends, well, we’re finding out.

      1. Darth Apatheus

        I’m not saying that Mike’s assholishness is a good thing, but he does seem to only tell the truth to his friends. The worst thing I’ve seen Mike do to Amber is use her own logic to compare her to her Father, and that definitely a dick move. Otherwise he is trying to get her to get out of the dorm or telling her that she should own the fact that she stabbed a rapist.

        This strip tells me that Mike is figuring out that being an asshole might not be the best way to help his friends since I honestly don’t think he is being an asshole here. I don’t know about most people but I would actually appreciate someone bluntly and neutrally telling me what my fucking problems are and what my problems aren’t, I’m kinda terrible at picking up an that sort of thing.

        Honestly Walky is probably not a great roommate from what I can tell so it is possible Mike just likes messing with hm due to that. I can’t find any other ulterier motive at least.

        1. Emily

          The worst thing Mike’s ever done to Amber was validate literally her single deepest fear about who she is as a person. That’s more than just a “dick move.”

        2. Jago

          I completely agree on that. That was effing terrible.

    2. Pi

      I couldn’t agree more with your second and third points. I recently did a re-read of all the strips Mike’s appeared in myself, and those conclusions stuck out to me too.

      (Though I also think something likely went sour with Amber and it’s possible she doesn’t think of him as a friend in the way he thinks of her as one. The flashbacks are increasingly supporting this, but that’s a discussion for another time.)

      As for Walky, I think the verdict is still out on what Mike thinks of him, but I would posit this. Mike was an observant kid. He wasn’t there, but he probably learned the name of the girl who took his friend hostage at that gas station hold up, only to later get stabbed by Amber.

      Fast forward a few years later when Mike meets his new roommate, and guess who just happens to be the twin brother of that girl? On some level, that knowledge might have been influencing their interactions so far.

    3. Fart Captor

      Mike might tell people what he THINKS are their problems, but he’s a pretentious teenage asshole and he’s often wrong about both the problem and the solution.

  55. kilgaen

    Goddamn, Mike. Who hurt you?

  56. nlips

    Just a guess:

    Mike finds Ethan hot, but would find him even hotter if he had more self-confidence.

    Thus helping Ethan build his self-esteem is entirely a selfish motivation for Mike.

    1. DailyBrad

      I do think he’s more attracted to Ethan than he tends to let on, which is saying something considering he has made out with him. It’s also worth noting he’s been consistently trying to push Ethan out of this hole he keeps trying to dig himself.

  57. abysswatcher1993

    It sounds weird, but Mike is right. Ethan,, like many of the characters in Dumbing of Age is imposing chains on himself that he could simple throw away. Ethan could get love, Joyce can have a healthy sexual life and a career, Dorothy could work any job without killing the things that make her happy, Walky could break free from his mom’s expectations, Danny can be happy by himself without the pressure of marrying someone, etc. In the cases of Amber and Billie it would be hard since Amber has a personality disorder and needs psychiatric help, and Billie is an alcoholic jerk that relapses every five seconds.

  58. somedude

    Ok, we’re not freaks because we’re nerds… but being a freak is a good first step to the isolation necessary to become one as a kid

  59. wakeangel2001

    ah, robophilia leads to amputee fetish, I can see that.

    1. Jago

      Is it an amputee fetish if it’s the prosthetic arm, and not, like, the lack of an arm?

  60. Ashley

    THANK YOU, Mike.

  61. Smooti

    wait, arnold possibly ISN’T gay? i’ve thought he was gay this entire time to be honest, at least shortpacked arnold

  62. Jay

    Mike is either the best or the worst wingman possible.

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