Whereas– No-no, no, no, no, no-no-no, no, no-no, no, no-no
Na-no, no, na-no, no-no, na-no, no-no, no, no-no, no
Nobody can do the (Shing-a-ling) like I do
Nobody can do the (Skate) like I do
Nobody can do (Boogaloo) like I do
Nobody can do (Philly) like I do
Ooooooh, yeah
Nobody, nobody
Nobody, nobody–The Human Beinz
Jokes aside, if the words of Jesus in the actual Bible are to be trusted, it’s better to worship in private than among others in something like a church. Something about hypocrites, wasn’t it?
I didn’t wanna say anything before cause I didn’t feel it was my place as some rando on the internet, but I’ve been reading your stuff since Roomies was in its original run and I feel like all the enjoyment I’ve gotten out of your work over the years outweighs any awkwardness on that front.
So. My heart goes out to you in this sad time. *hugs*
My sincerest condolences, Willis. Been there, done that with my mom about four years ago. She was almost 90, and I was past 60, and we both knew no one lives forever, but it didn’t make it any easier or any less of a loss. Treasure the memories.
Mine died fourteen years ago. Her mum and grandma had both lived into their nineties, so we expected her to as well; but she got colon cancer and they didn’t catch it in time. So she was only sixty-six.
Gods I miss her.
Get your colonoscopies, kids!! And your mammograms! My breast cancer last year was caught in time. Screenings save lives.
–My deepest condolences, Willis. It sucks, it sucks hard. *hugs* (if wanted)
Sorry for your loss, but after listening to that song… gotta say, South Park kinda hit the nail on the head with being able to swap a romantic song for God/Jesus and having about the same song at the end.
Works the other way too, heh. There’s been more than one monk who got caught writing poems about sneaking over the wall to his lover who got out of it by going, “No; Jesus!!” XD
I was Joyce once. This strip… this is pretty real.
Like, there was a point in time where I was leading the music for a small church and my faith had died, but I still knew where to really ramp up that key change to get em praising.
The same. It’s all showmanship at a point. One of the moments my mom is most proud of is one of my worst. The Youth choir was supposed to perform a song for the Easter celebration and when it came time, the music CD started skipping and they couldn’t get it to stop. After the third time, I lead the other kids in a musicless version of the song, cause they just needed a strong voice to follow. They were used to keying off of me anyway. At this point, I was already past the point I had looked at it all and decided it held nothing for me, but you can’t exactly tell your parents that when they are the youth ministers at your church. All these people came up telling me how the holy spirit moved through me and all that jazz, and I’m just nodding and playing along. It was…frankly my best moment of deception in my entire life. And it kinda makes me miserable.
You have a supernatural power for infiltration. It can be used for great good, if you aim it in the right direction.
Fox
Hey Delicious Taffy, can you please tell me what the disorder you talked about last page? I NEED to know, my OCD won’t let it go. If I give you my email will you please tell me what it’s called.
Really, the vast majority of dishonesty comes from just not disagreeing with someone who’s wrong. And that’s okay. No one can live in such a way as to explain themselves adequately to everyone. There’s nothing evil about this. It’s not deception; it’s accepting that you have personal limits, and those limits mean that people will believe things that are untrue about you.
I had a moment like this that helped me towards realizing the church wasn’t for me. I was already shaky on beliefs, but my dear friend, the priest of the (Episcopal) congregation, strongly encourages that. But being a literature professor, he also encourage reading poetry like poetry, even in the Bible. So I took him at his word, and one Sunday, put my considerable public speaking skills and poetry experience to use on the Gospel of John.
People told me all manner of spiritual things had happened to me/them. People told me to go to seminary. (Not the priest. He was like, “It’s all the pretension of academia without the substance. Stick with university.”) I was flabbergasted. Guys . . . it’s not the spirit, it’s charisma and knowing how to project. You CANNOT be this easy.
But they were.
I no longer wonder as much about con men who get away with scale.
Chris Phoenix
Damn, I was hoping you were going to say “…to use on the Song of Solomon.”
Nothing eroded my ability to believe quite like knowing all the musical tricks in the book to tug on heartstrings in every way, or how pointless it is to make music such a central feature of worship – “divinely-inspired music!” – when most all the popular hymn melodies are so simple. So many pieces of sacred music get preferential treatment for purely musical and not lyrical reasons, just like the secular ones. They’re not significantly different at all, except in word choice.
At the end of the day, music and even lyrics are both just a mix of nostalgia and ASMR, triggering a psychosomatic response. You can do the same thing with electrical impulses in the brain.
Joyce has a lot to work out, and I hope she does. She’s asking the right questions, at least.
As for your mom, I’m very sorry. I have a tremendously strained relationship to my mother, due to her abuse of me, abandonment of my family, and her extreme mental illness and meth addiction, but I know that when she’s gone, it’s still going to be very painful. I hope that I can be as big as you have been about it.
Obligatory atheist snark: I don’t know this whole song, but I’m on board with all the lyrics that made it into today’s comic. Kinda makes me wonder if Joyce is hearing it both ways now.
I’m kinda surprised they don’t use those chairs in actual churches. Seems like they’d work great at making you feel small (whether you want to or not).
Well, the problem is that those chairs aren’t cost-efficient. The great advantage of pews is that they’re super simple pieces of woodworking and they seat lots of people.
And also, the point of church is “brotherhood”, not humility.
It’s a sad fact of life that the older you get, the more you lose the people you love. As someone who has lost three generations — great grandparents, grandparents, parents — I have to report it doesn’t get better. It gets worse.
First and most importantly, Mr. Willis my deepest condolences for your loss.
Second, I’ve been where Joyce is here (well, without the fundie baggage but still) and solitary practice is honestly a very hard path especially for a religion like Christianity where everything is traditionally built around community.
Christianity is doable alone, because a lot of the practice that involves other people doesn’t require that they also be Christian. That’s a decent part of why it was easy to spread: a single missionary can plant a new church. It’s hard, definitely, because it requires strong willpower, but it’s very doable.
Frasier: Mrs. Moon, you have my personal guarantee that this will not be a Godless union. For if you truly believe in the omniscience and omnipresence of the Lord, then surely are we not always in His presence?
Gertrude: No, He lives at the church.
124 thoughts on “None”
Doctor_Who
I always preferred the Scorpions version of this song.
Stephen Bierce
That is a good one to prefer, I agree…
Whereas–
No-no, no, no, no, no-no-no, no, no-no, no, no-no
Na-no, no, na-no, no-no, na-no, no-no, no, no-no, no
Nobody can do the (Shing-a-ling) like I do
Nobody can do the (Skate) like I do
Nobody can do (Boogaloo) like I do
Nobody can do (Philly) like I do
Ooooooh, yeah
Nobody, nobody
Nobody, nobody–The Human Beinz
HeySo
https://youtu.be/pO6k5qk9huE?t=66
Ana Chronistic
*God interjects* “yeah but technically you can poop anywhere, too, doesn’t mean I want you to do that”
Joyce: “OH SHIT”
God: “NO NOT HERE”
[sorry for your loss Willis]
Doctor_Who
I thoroughly second the condolences.
LeslieBean4shizzle
I third them. My condolences.
Nothing funny to say today.
**moment of silence**
ktbear
I am really bad at this but…. *HUGS*
Bryan Langley
Loss sucks…. My condolences aslo.
JediMB
Jokes aside, if the words of Jesus in the actual Bible are to be trusted, it’s better to worship in private than among others in something like a church. Something about hypocrites, wasn’t it?
And jeez, yeah, condolences to Willis…
Felian
this is a good comparison!
Dragon_Nataku
I didn’t wanna say anything before cause I didn’t feel it was my place as some rando on the internet, but I’ve been reading your stuff since Roomies was in its original run and I feel like all the enjoyment I’ve gotten out of your work over the years outweighs any awkwardness on that front.
So. My heart goes out to you in this sad time. *hugs*
ian livs
Darn those emotionally-manipulative key changes. 🙂
ValdVin
I’ve been waiting for the Joyce singing face since it was on tumblr. Worth it.
ValdVin
I’ve been following your twitterlog about your mom’s funeral. Condolences from our home.
sai
I’m so sorry for your loss, Willis.
Bicycle Bill
My sincerest condolences, Willis. Been there, done that with my mom about four years ago. She was almost 90, and I was past 60, and we both knew no one lives forever, but it didn’t make it any easier or any less of a loss. Treasure the memories.
Kryss LaBryn
Mine died fourteen years ago. Her mum and grandma had both lived into their nineties, so we expected her to as well; but she got colon cancer and they didn’t catch it in time. So she was only sixty-six.
Gods I miss her.
Get your colonoscopies, kids!! And your mammograms! My breast cancer last year was caught in time. Screenings save lives.
–My deepest condolences, Willis. It sucks, it sucks hard. *hugs* (if wanted)
ian livs
On a less “I’m trying to be funny note,” I’m sincerely sorry for your loss, Mr. Willis.
Stu
Sorry for your loss, but after listening to that song… gotta say, South Park kinda hit the nail on the head with being able to swap a romantic song for God/Jesus and having about the same song at the end.
Durandal_1707
This one is still the gold standard for me:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YV9qD0Z0WuM
Delicious Taffy
You just swap “Jesus” with “baby”.
Kryss LaBryn
Works the other way too, heh. There’s been more than one monk who got caught writing poems about sneaking over the wall to his lover who got out of it by going, “No; Jesus!!” XD
Loreena McKinnet turned one into a song…
thejeff
Hey, it’s canonical.
The Song of Solomon is really a metaphor about God and Israel or Jesus and the Church, depending. Sure it is.
Bicycle Bill
“For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.” ….. Matt 18:20 (KJV)
Reltzik
Sounds like Joyce needs one or two more Christians and zero understanding of Rule 34.
#sorrynotsorry
DarkoNeko
Loooonely
NerdHerder
I was Joyce once. This strip… this is pretty real.
Like, there was a point in time where I was leading the music for a small church and my faith had died, but I still knew where to really ramp up that key change to get em praising.
Kat
The same. It’s all showmanship at a point. One of the moments my mom is most proud of is one of my worst. The Youth choir was supposed to perform a song for the Easter celebration and when it came time, the music CD started skipping and they couldn’t get it to stop. After the third time, I lead the other kids in a musicless version of the song, cause they just needed a strong voice to follow. They were used to keying off of me anyway. At this point, I was already past the point I had looked at it all and decided it held nothing for me, but you can’t exactly tell your parents that when they are the youth ministers at your church. All these people came up telling me how the holy spirit moved through me and all that jazz, and I’m just nodding and playing along. It was…frankly my best moment of deception in my entire life. And it kinda makes me miserable.
Delicious Taffy
You have a supernatural power for infiltration. It can be used for great good, if you aim it in the right direction.
Fox
Hey Delicious Taffy, can you please tell me what the disorder you talked about last page? I NEED to know, my OCD won’t let it go. If I give you my email will you please tell me what it’s called.
Delicious Taffy
It really doesn’t feel appropriate, today.
Fox
Then why did you bring it up, if you’re not willing to talk about it? That makes no sense.
Fox
Seems to me that there is no disorder and you’re just making it up to mess with people.
Jamie
Really, the vast majority of dishonesty comes from just not disagreeing with someone who’s wrong. And that’s okay. No one can live in such a way as to explain themselves adequately to everyone. There’s nothing evil about this. It’s not deception; it’s accepting that you have personal limits, and those limits mean that people will believe things that are untrue about you.
Thulcandran
I had a moment like this that helped me towards realizing the church wasn’t for me. I was already shaky on beliefs, but my dear friend, the priest of the (Episcopal) congregation, strongly encourages that. But being a literature professor, he also encourage reading poetry like poetry, even in the Bible. So I took him at his word, and one Sunday, put my considerable public speaking skills and poetry experience to use on the Gospel of John.
People told me all manner of spiritual things had happened to me/them. People told me to go to seminary. (Not the priest. He was like, “It’s all the pretension of academia without the substance. Stick with university.”) I was flabbergasted. Guys . . . it’s not the spirit, it’s charisma and knowing how to project. You CANNOT be this easy.
But they were.
I no longer wonder as much about con men who get away with scale.
Chris Phoenix
Damn, I was hoping you were going to say “…to use on the Song of Solomon.”
TachyonCode
Child of a church organist, here.
Nothing eroded my ability to believe quite like knowing all the musical tricks in the book to tug on heartstrings in every way, or how pointless it is to make music such a central feature of worship – “divinely-inspired music!” – when most all the popular hymn melodies are so simple. So many pieces of sacred music get preferential treatment for purely musical and not lyrical reasons, just like the secular ones. They’re not significantly different at all, except in word choice.
At the end of the day, music and even lyrics are both just a mix of nostalgia and ASMR, triggering a psychosomatic response. You can do the same thing with electrical impulses in the brain.
DailyBrad
Joyce has a lot to work out, and I hope she does. She’s asking the right questions, at least.
As for your mom, I’m very sorry. I have a tremendously strained relationship to my mother, due to her abuse of me, abandonment of my family, and her extreme mental illness and meth addiction, but I know that when she’s gone, it’s still going to be very painful. I hope that I can be as big as you have been about it.
Dovahqueen
Poor Joyce. It’s so hard to process, to even know what to *try* to do when your foundation gets so shaken…
Reltzik
Obligatory atheist snark: I don’t know this whole song, but I’m on board with all the lyrics that made it into today’s comic. Kinda makes me wonder if Joyce is hearing it both ways now.
Keulen
If you ignore the references to Jesus, a surprising amount of contemporary Christian music songs sound like pop love songs.
Lingo
I’m kinda surprised they don’t use those chairs in actual churches. Seems like they’d work great at making you feel small (whether you want to or not).
Bicycle Bill
You mean kinda like this?
And that’s the truth!
Jamie
Well, the problem is that those chairs aren’t cost-efficient. The great advantage of pews is that they’re super simple pieces of woodworking and they seat lots of people.
And also, the point of church is “brotherhood”, not humility.
BigDogLittleCat
I’m so sorry. Take care of yourself.
Synnerman
I’m so sorry for your loss. My deepest condolences.
BarerMender
It’s a sad fact of life that the older you get, the more you lose the people you love. As someone who has lost three generations — great grandparents, grandparents, parents — I have to report it doesn’t get better. It gets worse.
Kelly
I’m sorry for your loss. Losing a parent shakes your world, doesn’t it.
Meagan
Rest in peace
ShinyNeen
I wonder what Joyce’s singing voice is like.
Delicious Taffy
I’ve been imagining she sounds sorta like Shirley Manson.
ShinyNeen
*Googles* Hmm! I can see that. Joyce as the lead singer for a rock band would definitely be interesting.
ProfessorDetective
But that begs the question: Christian Rock or something else?
Delicious Taffy
“Can’t ya see you’re not makin’ Christianity better? You’re just makin’ rock and roll worse.” -Hank Hill
That said, I could easily see Joyce singing for a Garbage-esque band with Christian influence in the lyrics.
Needfuldoer
I’ve always put her somewhere in “amateur, less talented Debby Boone” territory. As evidence, I present this performance of “You Light Up My Life” from the early 80s.
Norah
So sorry, Willis.
Lacuna
I’m sorry, Willis.
EvilMidnightLurker
Condolences ?
vlademir1
First and most importantly, Mr. Willis my deepest condolences for your loss.
Second, I’ve been where Joyce is here (well, without the fundie baggage but still) and solitary practice is honestly a very hard path especially for a religion like Christianity where everything is traditionally built around community.
Jamie
Christianity is doable alone, because a lot of the practice that involves other people doesn’t require that they also be Christian. That’s a decent part of why it was easy to spread: a single missionary can plant a new church. It’s hard, definitely, because it requires strong willpower, but it’s very doable.
Emperor Norton II
OK, so I just have to interrupt the normal commentary to mention the following.
In one of the Discord servers I am on, I have found a girl called Jocelyne (Or Josie for short).
And her dead name?
Joshua.
Life imitates Willis.
Zaidyer
Life is poetic, sometimes
which can be a real bummer on days like today
Amy
I’m so sorry for your loss, Willis. Sending internet hugs if you want them.
Zaidyer
Condolences
JessWitt
Sorry about your mom. Take care of yourself and your family.
Dana
I’m sorry for your loss.
C.
Frasier: Mrs. Moon, you have my personal guarantee that this will not be a Godless union. For if you truly believe in the omniscience and omnipresence of the Lord, then surely are we not always in His presence?
Gertrude: No, He lives at the church.
He Who Abides
This comic, the meaning behind it, and a lot of the discussion were all making me sad. This made me smile, thanks.
And Willis, I truly don’t know what to say that won’t just sound empty and trite, but I hope you know that I feel for you right now.
PB
My nana always told me that singing a prayer counts double. I’m sorry for your loss.
hof1991
Your nana must have read St. Augustine.
woobie
My condolences.
The worst part of aging for me is losing elder loved ones. Drip, drip, drip.
Bagge
*Krnk*
OK, my heart just broke.
Larkle