254

Invader
Posted on May 22, 2016 by David M Willis

254 thoughts on “Invader”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    and when they catch you, they will kill you

    but first

    they must catch you

    1. Nono

      Run run, as fast as you can
      You can’t catch me, not with my ding-dong pen

      1. Doctor_Who

        Hickory Dickory Dock
        The Joyce she drew a cock
        It wouldn’t com clean, so she drew seventeen
        Hickory Dickory Dock

        1. Nono

          Baa Baa Joyce Brown,
          Can you draw me dongs?
          Yes sir, yes sir, how many inches long?
          Seven for the Rachels,
          Six for Roz,
          And nine for that Carla girl at the very end of the hall.

        2. Orion Fury

          Hey, that’s offensive.

        3. figureaddict

          Just because Carla is trans doesn’t mean she can’t be into dudes.

        4. Shen Hibiki

          Or simply enjoy a drawn dong, for the comic potential!

      2. aslo

        Run barry Run

    2. Some Name

      They cannot hope to catch Becky.

      Joyce, on the other hand, may be easier to grab.

      1. Ana Chronistic

        “Before you do anything or say anything to anyone for pity’s sake… think of what your MOTHER would do. To both of us.”

        AAUGH! *drives off*

        “I don’t wanna have to leave again, Freckle! I like it here! THEY TOLERATE MEEEE“

        1. Stubbornly Human

          Oh My gosh you just quoted Lackadaisy
          ILoveYouMarr Me*cough*
          I mean I really appreciate there’s someone out there with similar intrests who appreciates well drawn prohibition-era stories and am in No Way going to overreact to this information.

          Just so we’re agreed; Becky is the over-exuberant and troublesome Rocky while Joyce is the more law abiding Freckle who sometimes switches to psychotic, yes?
          (And, Oh God, please tell me that means Sarah is Victor)

        2. LadySol

          Oh I love those ideas. Do you think Mike is Mordecai?

        3. StClair

          No.
          Amber is.

        4. Mordecai

          No, I am.

        5. Emily

          Sarah is 100% Victor. She acts gruff and unconcerned but she’ll break your face with a blunt object if you screw with her people.

        6. GreyDefender

          What’s the full name of this comic? Sounds interesting.

        7. Amazi-Stool

          lackadaisycats.com
          Although wikipedia lists it under Lackadaisy.

        8. Roborat

          I discovered it a short while ago, it is quite good.

    3. SmilingNid

      The second apparently only works if you don’t have a spoon, rust optional.

      1. Matthew

        A FUCKING WATERSHIP DOWN REFERENCE I DIDNT KNOW I COULD LIKE YOU THIS MUCH

    4. brionl

      They’re going to kill her butt first?

      Eww.

    5. Adept Arcanist

      Oh my gosh Watership Down! You’re the best, Ana Chronistic! 😀

      1. lejwocky

        Seconded

    6. GuruBuckaroo

      You’ve made an El-ahrairah reference. I love you forever.

    7. Usayasha

      All the world will be your enemy, Whiteboard Ding Dong Bandit of a Thousand Enemies.

    8. Chandra

      And I thought I’d never spot a Watership Down reference anywhere my entire life. I tip my hat off to you, sir.

    9. SDGlyph

      😀 That made my morning.

    10. Panther

      Digger. Listener. Runner.

      Watership down for the win.

      Also…Joyce…honey you couldn’t do that even if you tried.

    11. Bunny

      Princess with a thousand enemies.

      I love whenever I see a Watership Down reference!

  2. gkheyf

    jeez. joyce’s imagination escalates quickly

    1. Rycan

      It’s actually a well-documented phenomenon in criminal psychology. A pattern of vandalism, profanity, and burglary will inevitably lead to aggravated assault.

      1. gkheyf

        No, I meant going from food touching to eyeball-scooping. I cant really comment on the ‘gateway crime’ thing

        Also, can someone explain why the swype on my phone no longer works here?

        1. Cerberus

          In for a penny, in for a pounding.

          But more seriously, there actually is a thing in fundamentalist circles where all crimes are equivalent. Basically since the worst that can happen is being sent to Hell and because various things are seen as against “God’s rules” it leads to this weird equivalence where things like murder or rape are seen as equivalent to having consensual premarital sex or not going to Church anymore.

          And it sometimes leads to some weird sudden escalations like this, where someone freaking out about saying swear words will be able to go on long fantasies like this about what they’d have to do now that they are a criminal type.

        2. David M Willis

          The equivalence exists because any sin, large or small, is enough to separate you from God’s love forever. Note that Adam and Eve got kicked out of the Garden merely for eating from a forbidden tree and then lying about it, not for murdering anybody. The seemingly chasm-like difference in awfulness between lying and murder is, obviously, a worldly distinction. Theologically, both are worthy of Hell.

        3. Jason

          And here I was thinking it was just a gag. But no, it’s yet another chilling and disturbing glance into how some people raise their children and the potential long-term affects of that treatment.
          It’s not funny any more. Now I am sad.

        4. Cerberus

          Yup!

          And it was definitely scary to live around growing up queer and non-religious, because that “worldly distinction” bit just ended up feeling like a passive threat.

          But it also made me feel really bad because I saw so many friends who grew up in the culture beating themselves up over things like masturbating or getting hot for someone with the same fervor of a murderer lamenting their dark deed.

          Which on that note, *appropriate gesture of support* for growing up in that toxic mess.

        5. yomi

          God, I’m really happy I grew up where and with the religious backround I did. We actually have a word for stealing stuff you need and it’s based on the name of a cardinal. And in my religion classes I was told that life’s difficult, and most certainly everyone would sin occasionly but that doesn’t mean that all is lost, and there might be situations in which our choices are limited to one sin or another so it’s totally reasonable to make distinctions of the graveness of sins.

        6. Cody B

          But does God REALLY feel this way? I mean he did curse Cain forever, so clearly murder is at least EXTRA bad sometimes.

        7. Rycan

          It’s also a matter of stereotyping. Fall into a criminal stereotype, and some people will think you’re liable to do anything.

        8. wwwhhattt

          A similar thing happened in revolutionary France, when for a time (I think) all crimes were considered treason (obviously not for religious reasons). At least one person was executed for selling a bad bottle of wine.

        9. StClair

          When you have a guillotine and an angry mob, all problems start to look the same.

        10. Jalathas

          Right that’s the joke. She started drawing ding-dongs, then she started swearing, now she’s doing the burglary, and the next step is scooping out eyeballs. This concludes my explanation of the joke.

        11. Rycan

          Thank you, Writer’s Block!

  3. Stephen R. Bierce

    *plays the theme song of Reform School Joyce on the car stereo down the street*

  4. Teddae

    That got dark real quick, Joyce…

  5. Dean

    Sweatervest is the New Black.

    1. Dellaran

      +all the internets

    2. Tomas

      Trust no bongo.

    3. kkiten

      +1 internet point

  6. GenericScreenName101

    Oh Becky, always keep a tally of the importing things.

    1. Cerberus

      The interesting thing is yeah, she probably did keep a tally of it, because it was a marker of her limited amounts of successful resistance and defiance of her father. Like, 40 times I successfully got out of this cage and went out slightly more me.

      And that’s almost sad to think that that would become the sort of thing to become the cherished childhood memory.

      1. Jason

        I have something similar. One of my favourite memories of my childhood is managing to sneak out. Sometimes I would just sneak out the front door, but other times I would climb out my window, edge across the outside windowsill and manage to get across to the one next to it, climb down onto the porch, then onto the bins and away.
        …In hindsight that was totally insane.

  7. Cholma

    Note to self: NEVER bring Joyce along on a heist.

    1. Prinnyramza

      Note to self: bring Joyce if I ever get into a gang fight.

      1. David Herbert

        Note to self: bring Joyce if I need someone’s eyeballs scooped out.

        1. JustCheetoDust

          Retina scan, which brings us back to the heist mentioned above.

        2. 6Qubed

          good thinking, but the list of heist tools looks weird now ‘cuz it includes “a rusty spoon”

          and folks are all “why do you have a rusty spoon on your list?” and joyce is gonna be all “let’s pray you never find out”

        3. Random832

          “Because it’s DULL, you twit. It’ll hurt more.”

        4. Gamaran Sepudomyn

          Retina printers are better.

      2. JustCheetoDust

        Prison gang fight. Outside of prison she still has the option of fleeing.

    2. Cerberus

      Every good heist needs the easily panicked Bruiser who can escalate things at a moments notice.

      Now I’m just imagining this group as a heist crew:
      Joyce “Wildcard” Brown
      Jocelyne “The Brains” Brown
      Becky “I’m a Lesbian” MacIntyre

  8. Romanticide

    Well good thing Joyce already has made plans for her life in Jail.
    Well Becky’s a good record, I have only have to force my door twice with one tool… I took ten seconds the second time.

  9. Rosicrucian

    …Joyce has thought this prison thing through.

    1. Kernanator

      Yeah, this is clearly something that has been on her mind before. Probably after she did something completely innocuous like steal a cookie from the jar.

      1. Inspector Hound

        Innocuous? Innocuous? If everyone stole cookies from the jar, then there’d be no cookies in the jar! Utter madness! Society crumbles, like a … [pause] … society collapses! All from an extinction of readily available cookies.

        You have to think these things through.

        1. Insomniac

          Immanuel Kantor, is that you?

        2. Insomniac

          Fucking autocorrect

        3. Moon

          Puckeridge! You cunning bastard!

        4. Inspector Hound

          You can’t fool me. Your handle says Moon, but you’re really Birdboot.

      2. Prinnyramza

        Joyce, did you sneak an extra cookie?

        You can’t prove that. I won’t go the fudging pen. I’ll slit your throat, pull your spine out and use it as a weapon. I’ll do it. I swear to gosh that I sure as poop will fudging do it.

        1. SgtWadeyWilson

          Joyce is the next Mortal Kombat guest character?

        2. DarkoNeko

          Test your might *tch tch tch tch*

    2. Bagge

      Well, of course. She listened to her older brother John and thought these things before… before…

  10. StClair

    Okay, Cerb, you were absolutely right.

    Joyce is the one they should have left behind. That would solve all the problems (including Becky feeling compelled to troll her), and she’s not/hasn’t done anything useful.

    1. StClair

      … I am possibly taking all of this too seriously.

    2. Cerberus

      She just doesn’t handle the sneaky stuff well. Give her something to punch and she succeeds…

      Oh Bob in Himmel, Joyce is going to punch a cop, isn’t she?

  11. caesaria82

    Good to know Joyce has thought about this thoroughly…

    1. Orion Fury

      Both eyes, no less. Most, I believe, would stop at one.

  12. Kernanator

    Or maybe she can escape and join a flock of ducks.

  13. DinaWho

    Well Joyce escalated quickly.

    1. Bagge

      Best comment ever!

      1. Reltzik

        But… but…

        … it was BECKY that escalated the side of the house!

        *rimshot*

        1. Bagge

          ….quickly followed by second best comment ever!

  14. John

    WBDDB: “I’m not locked in here with you. You’re locked in here with me. … Actually, I guess we’re all locked in here together. Anyone want to play Apples to Apples?”

    1. Bicycle Bill

      Meaning of ‘WBDDB’, please?

      1. Huttj509

        whiteboard ding dong bandit

      2. Shade

        Whiteboard Ding Dong Bandit.

        1. Michael Haneline

          If I say it a third time will it summon her?

        2. John

          Whiteboard Ding Dong Bandit

        3. John

          Nope. Damn.

    2. Willoughby Chase

      There has to be a song in there somewhere, a-pickin’ and a-grinnin’ with a guitar and banjo.

    3. Amazi-Stool

      Give me back my FAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCEEEEEEEEEEE!

  15. JessWitt

    I want business cards that say “I’m the business.”

  16. Opus the Poet

    Wow, Joyce went dark in a hurry…

    1. Willoughby Chase

      Goth Joyce should be a thing, I tells ya.

  17. Pedantic Peanut

    Well, at least we know joyce would be okay in prison . . .

  18. kkiten

    oh you are “THE Business” already Joyce and they will all know it.

  19. Riku

    From saying “damn” straight to gouging people’s eyes out with spoons, historical Jesus Christ, Joyce.

  20. Cas madocki

    So why isn’t Joyce the lookout to distract anyone if anyone comes and shout out a code word like, “GOSH WHAT LOVELY STARS TONIGHT, OFFICER. HOME BREAK IN? NO. JUST STAR WATCHING. ALONE.” While Jocelyn and Becky scram out the back.

    1. Nono

      You’re relying on Joyce to lie convincingly to an authority figure.

      Have you checked under the bridge lately for lesbians?

      1. Cas madocki

        I made a huge mistake by relying on Joyce to be able to lie to an authority figure. They still should have had her in the car as lookout, maybe have the radio on. Cop comes by, neighbor comes by, she sits and says, “OH JUST LISTENING TO THE RADIO. AND WAITING FOR FRIENDS TO COME OUT HAHAHAHHAHA WHERE? OH, YOU KNOW.”

    2. Reltzik

      “Just waiting for my friend to get a few things from inside her home and then we’ll be off. What, lying? No, I’m not… why would you think I am…. OH GOD I AM AND I’M NOT AT THE SAME TIME IT’S TRUE THERE IS NO BASIS FOR LOGIC FOR THOSE WHO HAVE STRAYED FROM GOD!”

      …..

      “Uh… dispatch? I’ve got a mentally ill person loitering here, possibly a minor, doesn’t appear violent or armed. Request extensive backup.”

  21. Flimsyfishy

    Joyce doesn’t mess around, Joyce will mess you up.

    1. DSL

      She’ll totally cold stab a b-word. Fudge you up good. Send you to heck.

  22. Tacos

    Damn Joyce, your imagination goes to dark places quick don’t it?

    Also good to know Becky has some experience in breaking into her home. I initially thought she’d have no idea what to do.

  23. rezby

    what the fuck joyce

  24. Dalrint

    Even if the police did show up, it’s Becky’s house. You can’t break into your own house.

    1. Bicycle Bill

      Since Ross committed various felonious acts such as assault with a deadly weapon, kidnapping, illegal discharge of a firearm, and Lord only knows what else, could it be that the cops have sealed off the house as they search for additional clues/evidence against him — which means it is now considered a crime scene and our intrepid trio of Wakko, Yakko, and Dot (I’ll let someone else decide who represents who) could be accused of tampering with evidence?

      1. JessWitt

        Becky = Yakko, Jocelyne = Wakko, Joyce = Dot

        1. Harvey Janus

          I think Jocelyne should be Dot.

        2. Orion Fury

          I’d leave Joyce as Dot, and switch the other two.

        3. DSL

          Nome.of those.three are innocent enough to be Joyce. Maaaaaaybe Wakko.

      2. JohnF

        And so Ross will be released from gaol, as the Judge throws his case out due to compromised evidence. Whilst in gaol, Ross experienced the joys of prostate massage, and is now a screaming queen.

    2. tim gueguen

      I suspect it depends on Indiana state law. Becky is probably 18 at this point, so legally an adult. Her father may be able to throw her out of the house legally. Whether he’d know that is another question.

      1. Aletheia

        Oh, I know this one! He can legally throw her out of the house, but not without proper notice of eviction (just like he would have to do with any tenant), which appears to be 10 days from a (admittedly very quick and shallow) Google search. So, technically she would have 10 days from the notice to gather her things and leave. 🙂 And during those 10 days, she would legally have to have full access to whatever part of the house she was occupying (in this case, probably all of it would count).

        1. Reltzik

          Except she was already not living there.

        2. Orion Fury

          And now I also wonder what the next thing Willis will write about that will have the comment section going off on the legality off.

        3. Cerberus

          Scooping people’s eyes out with spoons, prolly?

    3. Tacos

      Just because she lived their does not mean ownership of the house defaults to her just because Toedad is in jail. Plus if any cops did show up, due to how closed in and religious the community is there is the possibility that they are also religious fundamentalists who’d want to give Becky shit because in their eyes how dare she be lesbian and get her daddy arrested .

      1. Orion Fury

        Does anyone else wonder if Willis did research on this to provide accurate info for upcoming drama (or lack thereof)?

      2. DSL

        They don’t need to be fundamentalists, or Ross’s allies. They just need to be the sort of person-shaped animal that’s drawn to trappings of authority because.of the power they think it gives them over others. Such an organism thinks no farther than: Here is a helpless person in a compromising position and in my power. And it works a depressing number of times.

    4. pyrpyr

      Unless Toedad’s friends/neighbors are the exact kind of crazy high strung folks who believe that everything a parent buys, even if they then give it to their child, still belongs to the parent merely because they paid for it.

      1. pyrpyr

        And that goes for the cops in this town, as well.

    5. BenRG

      Actually you can if you’re a disgusting pervert who got her good, god-fearing father arrested. It’s quite possible that Ross has allies in the La Porte sheriff’s department who are hungering for their own shot at Becky.

      1. Moon

        Phrasing Ben… because that is one hell of a entendre there in your last sentence if you didn’t mean it, and if you didn’t… then i feel horrible for thinking it

  25. tim gueguen

    What has Joyce been watching?

    1. Regalli

      The Spooky Mormon Fundamentalist Hell Dream.

    2. JessWitt

      Dexter & Monkey Master got really dark apparently.

      1. Bagge

        The green mile parody with the sensitivity scanner was a bit controversial when it first came out.

    3. Spidergirl

      I would say Orange is the New Black, but this is Joyce. Even if she started the show accidentally, she probably woulda bailed at the first sign of boob.

    4. Reltzik

      The inside of her own eyelids, as her imagination screens for her the worst fate she can possibly imagine.

      ….

      … which isn’t much. She won’t truly break until Becky explains prison sex to her.

      1. Rukduk

        That…will not be a pretty sight. Then again, if she establishes her reputation as the crazy eyeball scooper, she probably won’t have to deal with that. Heck, other inmates might try hiring her for protection.

        1. Bagge

          That’s basically what Becky is doing, after all.

  26. Bicycle Bill

    Whatever lessons she was taught about crime and punishment and why she should avoid even the temptation to commit some sort of illegal act, they certainly weren’t what I’d call ‘subtle’.

  27. Tarnagh

    It’s not that Joyce thought of this, it’s that Joyce seems mentally prepared to go through with it …

  28. Regalli

    … Yep, that sounds like life with debilitating anxiety brought on by spiritual abuse from the voice in your head, all right.

    1. Regalli

      I mean also the voices outside your head informing them in Joyce’s case, but like. Yeah the catastrophizing “You’re going to hell for all of this” voice in your head usually comes from somewhere first.

  29. Yotomoe

    I’m not sure if Joyce has thought through the “biggest lady around thing” I’m assuming the biggest ladies is more than prepared for everyone scooping out her eyes with any utensil, spoon or no, rusty or otherwise.

    1. Bicycle Bill

      She said, “What were you arrested for, kid?”
      And I said, “Drawing ding-dongs on a whiteboard.”
      And they all moved away from me in the dining room there, and the hairy eyeball and all kinds of mean nasty things, till I said, “…and breaking and entering.”  And they all came back, shook my hand, hugged me, and we had a great time in the dining room, sharin’ our lunch, talkin’ about Jesus, all kinds of groovy things that we was doing.

      1. modulusshift

        You can get anything you want at Alice’s Restaurant.
        You can get anything you want, at Alice’s Restaurant.
        Step right in, it’s around the back, just a half a mile from the railroad track!
        You can get anything you want at Alice’s Restaurant.

        1. SgtWadeyWilson

          Excepting Alice!

        2. Amazi-Stool

          Up ahead in the distance I saw a shimmering light
          Head grew heavy and my sight grew dim
          Had to stop for the night
          There she stood in the doorway
          Heard the mission bell
          I was thinking to myself
          This could be heaven or this could be hell
          Then she lit up a candle
          She showed me the way
          There were voices down the corridor
          I thought I heard them say

          Welcome to the Hotel Indiana
          Such a lovely place
          (such a lovely place)
          Such a lovely face
          Plenty of room at the Hotel Indiana
          Any time of year
          (any time of year)
          You can find it here

          Her mind is tiffany twisted
          She got her father’s car, uh
          She got a lot of pretty pretty girls that she calls friends
          How they dance in the courtyard sweet summer sweat
          Some dance to remember
          Some dance to forget

          So I called up the captain
          Please bring me my wine
          He said
          We haven’t had that spirit here since 1969
          And still those voices are calling from far away
          Wake you up in the middle of the night
          Just to hear them say

          Welcome to the Hotel Indiana
          Such a lovely place
          (such a lovely place)
          Such a lovely face
          They livin’ it up at the Hotel Indiana
          What a nice surprise
          (what a nice surprise)
          Bring your alibis

          Mirrors on the ceiling
          Pink champagne on ice
          And she said
          We are all just prisoners here of our own device
          In their masters’ chambers
          They gathered for the feast
          Stab it with their steely spoons but they just can’t kill the beast

          Last thing I remember I was running for the door
          I had to find the passage back to the place I was before
          Relax said the night man we are programmed to receive
          You can checkout any time you like but you can never leave!

      2. Brute

        PERFECT

    2. Dalrint

      Nobody would suspect that from Joyce though. She has the element of surprise!

  30. Jay

    Apparently the “Hello Police Department. My father was the crazy wack-job who took me hostage at gun point and threatened to shoot people at a major university. Can I go into my former residence and get my birth certificate and Social Security Card?” was never considered as a viable option.

  31. inqntrol

    Joyce is quite the optimistic one, isn’t she?

  32. detective boomwolf

    Little does Joyce know, the biggest lady in the jail was more than willing to provide Joyce wih her Dexter & Monkey Master cotraband and become bestest buddies.

  33. Sam

    Geeze, Joyce, that’s quite the escalation there.

  34. Idontcarenomore

    Sweet little innocent Joyce. Yeah, right.
    Just keep spoons away from her and you may survive.

    I would’ve bet that Becky knew how to get in and out of the house without getting caught.

    Guess my only question is…why? Where would she go? If she went to Joyce’s in the middle of the night, either Joyce would have a heart attack or Joyce’s mother would kill her.

    1. modulusshift

      Sometimes space and distance are just that. It doesn’t matter where you run to as long as you get away from what you’re running from.

      1. Bagge

        Yeah, just fooling around outside would be better than staying home with ToeDad

  35. Kitschensyngk

    “You think being GROUNDED is bad? Try PRISON. That’s like being grounded FOR LIFE. Plus, instead of chores, BUTT SEX.”
    –Dermott Fictel, “The Venture Bros.”

  36. modulusshift

    What movie is that from? And what cartoons have parodied it that Joyce would have watched?

  37. MrInsecure

    Now I’m just thinking of Joyce doing her best Wilson Fisk impersonation, and it’s making me giggle a bit.

    “I want to save this city, Ms. MacIntyre, like you. But only on a scale that matters.”

  38. TheGrimCorsair

    Big Lady: I’ve done nothing to you! You can have the contraband, please! Just don’t hurt me! I don’t deserve this!

    Joyce: [cocks her head and narrows her eyes] “Deserve’s” got nothin’ to do with it.

  39. Saaaam

    It’s good to have a game plan Joyce

  40. AgentKeen

    I don’t think doing something more extreme than what got you in jail in the first place is a good idea, Joyce.

  41. Lan

    Dang did Joyce accidentally go to my high school? I mean that happened the first day of sophomore year. Some chick scooped a dude’s eye out because he called her SOMETHING and boom straight to the hoosgow!

  42. Shiro

    It’s so nice to see Joyce so well-adjusted. c:

    For real though, I want a whole book of Becky’s Nighttime Breakout Shenanigans. What is there even to shenanigan there?

    1. Bagge

      I know, right!

      I’m sure she made something happen. She is Becky, afterall

      1. Cerberus

        Apropros of nothing, but survivors of abusive homes will sometimes leave the house, simply to a neutral location to ride out particularly dangerous escalations. So, if say Toedad was getting a bit… Toedad-esque about things like contraband Seinfield, I could see her scarpering out for the evening while she reset her mask.

    2. Jhon

      “Nighttime Breakout Shenanigans” — Another great band name!

  43. Rukduk

    Joyce, all that will do is make all the vicious gang leaders want you as their top muscle or top enforcer. Next thing you know the Aryan gang will be attempting to Shanghai by force and you’ll be stuck fighting off assaults everyday.

    1. Tacos

      Joyce will then become so skilled that the government recruits her to complete suicide missions in exchange for expunging her records.

      1. Some1

        Government guy: You three are the worst that IU has known
        Mary Bradford: The Fundamentalist, Mike: The Manipulator, and Joyce Brown: The Whiteboard Dingdong Bandit.

        Joyce: I’m retired.

        Government Guy: we’re bringing you back

        1. Rukduk

          Joyce: The Eye Scooper

        2. Tacos

          Joyce: The Enucleator.

        3. trlkly

          Mike still has no last name?

      2. Rukduk

        …
        Well now I’m picturing Joyce dressed as Harley Quinn. I…might need a minute.

        1. Bagge

          We need to get Billie on this case
          http://www.dumbingofage.com/2012/comic/book-2/05-saturdays-all-right-for-slighting/reservations/

      3. podian

        Fighting aliens.

  44. Reltzik

    Silly Joyce.

    They don’t let you have rusty spoons in prison.

    For exactly that reason.

    1. Tacos

      That’s why you fashion one outta wood. Extra hardcore points if you manage to somehow make it also rusty.

      1. Orion Fury

        Now that’s a Slaughter Hack.

    2. JustCheetoDust

      It certainly wasn’t some nonsense like the ACLU having a field day with mounting cases of inmates getting tetanus.

  45. Aeron

    Only a blind lawyer from the boroughs stands in Joyce’s way.

    1. SgtWadeyWilson

      So, Marcie Michael Murdock? I know she’s not blind, but she’s got the red lenses on already.

      1. Random832

        While Manhattan is technically a borough, “from the boroughs” is a pretty odd way to describe someone from Midtown West.

  46. Skraeling

    Wow Joyce. That got dark really goddamned dark quickly.

  47. saltchocolate

    Convenient short slopey roof is convenient.

  48. Some1

    Is it weird that I sometimes wonder which Dumbing of Age characters I could take in a fight?

    I could take Danny, and maybe Walky. I would have very little chance against Ethan, he’s like a foot taller then me. Joyce would depend on how pissed of she was. Amber would kick my ass, and I feel like me and Becky are about equal.

    1. Rukduk

      I don’t think it’s weird. Also, you obviously have qualms about fighting dirty. I do not. Which why size doesn’t matter.

      1. Some1

        I was thinking organized fights, with rules and shit. If I could have a sword, the amount of flights I’d win would increase a lot. Not a gun though, I would freak out the moment I fired it and drop it.

        1. Rukduk

          I was thinking more along the lines of, unarmed but anything else goes. In which case: knee, meet solar plexus. Solar plexus, meet knee.

  49. Orion Fury

    It’s like my Great-Grandpappy always said: “Anything worth doing is worth doing with a rusty spoon.”

  50. Orion Fury

    Oh, and I forgot: Huzzah!

  51. Some1

    Sir, there was a mass breakout at the Indiana State Prison!
    But, who could have?
    They found this sir
    (Hands him the cap to a sharpie pen)
    Mother of god…

    1. Bagge

      SOMEONE HAS DRAWN A DICK ON THE PRESIDENT!!!!

      1. Eyebrow

        Actual LOL.

      2. Rycan

        The White House will never look the same.

  52. Pastafarian

    …could you watch entertainment in jail?

  53. tim gueguen

    Joyce might actually find the presentation of prison food to her liking. From what I’ve seen on TV US prisons favour the kind of trays used for TV dinners, with each type of slop given its own separate niche in the tray. On the other hand Joyce would likely freak out if she ever had to eat nutraloaf.
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nutraloaf

    1. Willoughby Chase

      There’s a reason the slang for a prison term is called porridge in the UK.

  54. Rikunda

    I guess Joyce hasn’t realize that as a WHITE woman she is invisible to the police. The only way they would be caught doing this is if they were black or if she had pissed off someone (like Joyce’s mom by being alive).

    1. John

      As a white guy, I’ve been hassled by the cops for standing on the sidewalk in front of my own house at night. Being black may increase your chances of drawing police attention, but not being black doesn’t make you invisible.

      In order to be invisible, Joyce would need to follow through on her Dorothy-crush and gain bisexual powers.

    2. Rycan

      No, they’ll still arrest her. The big difference is that Joyce doesn’t have to worry about getting killed by the police.

      1. Amazi-Stool

        Even that hyperbole only works if you don’t check the facts!

        Of course that part:
        “The vast majority of those killed — 745 — were men.” will still work in Joyce’s favor.

  55. Viktoria

    See, this is how you have a breakdown while committing a crime. Quietly, with a minimum of movement, and in a way that doesn’t keep your accomplices from doing their jobs.

  56. Bagge

    Funny thing about prisons. You never really leave them. Sure, one day someone in a suit will sign a piece of paper, a key will turn and you will walk out, but you’ll still carry it with you.

    A prison is a not just a building. Some think of it as a state of mind, other think of it as a stench clinging to you, but at it’s core a prison is one thing and one thing only.

    A door with a lock. And there are so many doors around us.

    They don’t exactly leave their doors open in this part of town. Too much trash from the streets floating around. The client had her ways though. Smart girl.

    As we made our way in, the goon enterained us with stories of her latest stint. Typical ‘tough guy’ talk and nothing to take too seriously, but the story about the eye-scope gave me pause. There were rumors about this one… Rumors that ended with punches to the face or worse. There was a man at a party that no one has seen since…

    And just like that, the door was open. The client did not disapoint. This house had been her prison for too long, after all, and she knew just how to break out. This time was different. Breaking out from a prison is a means of getting out. Breaking into it means taking control. Reforging it’s bars and locks for your purpose.

    We all knew that this house could all too easy become a prison again.

    I am Jocelyne. There is a door and a lock in my life too – but the lock is on the inside, and I have the key.

    1. Rukduk

      Loving the Jocelyne noir story. Although, not gonna lie, took me a while to realize you were not in fact emulating Redd from “The Shawshank Redemption”.

    2. Tacos

      Have an Internet.

    3. StClair

      Also loving this.

    4. Willoughby Chase

      ++1

    5. Cerberus

      Never ever stop writing this!

    6. Sam

      Wow.

  57. Bagge

    Everytime I hear a number that is fortiesomething I’m surprised when it’s not 42.

    Ooooor maybe it’s forshadowing. Becky will have to break into the house exctly one more time. Dun-dun-duuuuun

    1. SgtWadeyWilson

      There’s your question, mice! Take it or leave it.

    2. Minotaur

      Just wait until you turn 40. You will find your options will increase.

  58. BenRG

    Oh dear; Joyce’s brain has gone bye-bye. I suspect that Becky and Jocelyn would be better advised to leave her propped up against a wall or lamppost whilst they do what they came to do!

  59. Russ

    Yeah, Joyce shoulda stayed home.

    1. Rycan

      And deprive us of this entertainment? How could you even suggest such a thing?

  60. Showler

    The question of what media Joyce managed to watch growing up is a curious one.

    1. BenRG

      Everything suggests that Joyce is the sort of girl who watched ‘bad’ programs via streaming whilst hiding under her bed covers.

    2. trlkly

      I just assume she heard horrible storiesvabout jail. Maybe from the other homeschool students, when they would get together. Heck, given Becky’s temperament, she could he the one, telling scary stories.

  61. JBento

    Point 1: While reading panel 1, thought exactly the same as Becky in panel 2. “RIP Ross McIntyre: Only ever right about that one thing.”

    Point 2: Just wait until Joyce finds out what ELSE touches other stuff in jail. I can already hear the accusatory screams: “Pre-Marital Penitentiary Hanky-Panky!”

  62. Willoughby Chase

    You always got to watch the ones who keep their hands clean. Joyce.

  63. FireSTK

    Newest and best phrase: “I’m the business”

  64. skdk

    wait.. shes not saying she has snuck out/in 40 times, shes saying she has snuck in and unlovked the gate from the inside 40 times. what has she been doing

    1. Cerberus

      The neighbor girls?

  65. Makkabee

    No one can make violent paranoid fantasies more adorable than Joyce.

  66. Dan

    “I will spoon your eyes from their sockets” – Ramsey Lord Bolton

    “I’ll have to … scoop out her eyeballs with a rusty spoon” – Joyce

    Has Joyce been watching Game of Thrones?

  67. Ellegos

    They’re going to get away with this Scott free, perhaps with a close call, the audience will be feeling high and light hearted… And then they go back to Joyce’s house and we remember that Joyce has been gone all day with the car she stole from her parents, and the confrontation that is waiting.

    1. JBento

      With bonus points because Jonathan has no doubt told mommy dearest how Joyce has become so angry and adopting behaviour so unbecoming of a godly girl by hanging out with that dirty lesbian and those horrible jewish and atheist libruls at the university. Why, they were together for only a couple of minutes and they even began to corrupt Josh.

      But, I mean, they should’ve seen it coming. Trying to give women an education, madness.

      …

      Sarcasm never makes me feel so in need of brainbleach as when I do it in the commentaries here…

    2. Cerberus

      That’s my bet too.

      1. foamy

        I won’t bet against a confrontation, but I really don’t think that car is “stolen” in anyone’s minds. Joyce’s reactions here are wildly different than how she was acting when she took off with Becky in the car that morning, neither Jocelyn nor Jonathan mentioned it at all, and for that matter we know Joyce has got a phone and (correct me if I’m wrong) there’s been no followup from her parents, right?

        Actually, that last is pretty worrisome for other reasons, thinking about it…

    3. Amazi-Stool

      Don’t forget the sunday church visit!
      In a community where everyone knows about the events that made Holy Toedad become arrested!

      1. Cerberus

        That’s gonna be brutal. For all parties.

  68. Athan

    Holy God Joyce, that’s dark.

    1. JBento

      True. Food touching other food is something from a dystopian nightmare that would make Orwell and Lovecraft’s lovechild go mad with horror.

      1. SgtWadeyWilson

        …and glee, simultaneously!

      2. JustCheetoDust

        I don’t know why, but I wish to partake of this unholy casserole.

  69. Willoughby Chase

    Gor blimey, can’t Becky use the old Bobby Moore?

    They’ll be up before the beak if the screws catch them.

  70. The Candyman

    If it’s really that easy to break in, leaving the key under the mat probably wouldn’t have done so much damage tbh.

    1. Bicycle Bill

      So far, all they’ve done is get into the back yard.  Even Becky herself realizes that they still have to get onto the back porch and break a window to get in.
      Unless Toe-Dad forgot to lock the sash — which a lot of people do, especially if the window is opening onto a closed porch — and they can just push it up and crawl through.

      1. Bicycle Bill

        And since Becky says she’s done this “exactly forty times”, I’m going to assume that this is all it’s going to take.

  71. Pat Myers

    Girls night out! Just gonna do a little breaking and entering, NBD.

  72. Arianod

    In which Joyce continues to be broken.

  73. Cedrick

    Joyce, you’re not funny anymore…

    1. Kintrex

      Nah, Joyce is still funny. Becky’s one joke has gotten old.

      1. Cerberus

        I know, ugh, it’s like every time, it’s 40 times of this and 40 times of that, and it’s like, we get the joke, you’ve done X 40 times, very clever, can you move on already?

        Oh, I’m sorry did I misinterpret?

  74. Zee

    I thought this storyline would be good. I was wrong. IT IS GREAT.

  75. Bicycle Bill

    Rather than going for the eye-gouging, she could just hang up a poster in her cell —
    “Yea, even though I walk through the valley of the Shadow of Death, I shall fear no evil; for I am the biggest bad-ass in the valley.”

  76. Mouse

    Becky probably forgets her key a lot. I used to do that, when I lived at home. My parents would lock the door on the way out, I’d leave my key in my room somewhere… end up climbing up the back of the house and going into the second story bathroom window.

    1. Cerberus

      Becky never had a key:
      http://www.dumbingofage.com/2016/comic/book-6/03-when-god-closes-the-door/personal/

      That would have granted her too much freedom in her daily life.

  77. motorfirebox

    It’ll be fine, Joyce, as long as the eyeballs don’t touch each other.

    1. David M Willis

      ha ha ha ha ha ha

    2. Willoughby Chase

      +1

  78. Cerberus

    Hey everyone, can we not with the prison rape jokes? Thanks.

    1. foamy

      Please yes. It’s loathsome.

  79. Cerberus

    Comic Reactions:

    Oh adorable Joyce, so out of your comfort zone with this type of sneaking around stuff, but still here and still trying even though it’s freaking you out and you’re drawing a lot of attention to yourself. *awkwardly attempt to hug through the screen*

    Panel 1: Damn are Jocelyne and Becky just an efficient machine with this stuff. They know the drill, they know about having to go around what your family has demanded to be able to live. And they sound off each other nicely.

    I’m really hoping this starts being a long-distance friendship between the two and they become the siblings the other can talk about stuff with before they are ready to tell the rest of their loved ones.

    Panel 2: I love that little line so much “only ever right about that one exact thing”, because it’s a nice little note of defiance and dig at Toedad and what this house represents. As Bagge’s noir story says, this house was a prison for Becky, with Toedad shouting angrily all manner of rules and teaching all sorts of lies and believing all sorts of awful things.

    And at the end of the day, despite all the poison he threw at her hoping it will stick, she’s fully aware that everything he said was garbage. That everything h planned for was garbage. That he was garbage.

    And that will be so critical for her continued growth and survival in her life post-Toedad.

    Panel 4: Damn Becky’s got good balance.

    Panel 6: Seriously I love Becky and Jocelyne’s dynamic together and it’s quickly becoming my favorite sibling dynamic in the comic. And it’s what Becky needs. Someone who will celebrate her successes even if they are silly and small. Someone who will call her out and give her good advice when she’s scared and needs it. Someone who treats her like an adult trying to figure things out, rather than a kid whose made “a series of bad choices”.

    And Jocelyne’s got the empathy for that and also sees enough of herself in her to be genuinely inspired by the lack of fear Becky has in diving fully behind her identity rather than obsessing over the angles like Jocelyne.

    I want to see more of them, because much like Ethan and Danny, I think they are genuinely healthy for each other and can do a lot to help each other grow.

    1. StClair

      Yes.

  80. Dylan

    Joyce went from fearing jail to having a plan awfully quickly.

    It reminds me of Arrowette from the old Young Justice comic.

    “I’ll have to get a tight, skimpy black leather outfit that shows off my cleavage. Oh god. I’ll have to get cleavage.”

  81. man in black

    So Joyce went straight to worse case scenario

  82. Rage

    I don’t understand. How is it a crime to enter the house you live in? Even if she doesn’t have a key, can’t she just ask the police to let her in or even retrieve her things for her? None of this makes any sense.

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