165

Olives
Posted on February 11, 2011 by David M Willis

165 thoughts on “Olives”

  1. Mkvenner

    this outcome was obvious from the beginning.

    1. Scott

      It is surprising that it took this long. Was it 3 punches to the face that was Joe’s limit?

      1. Matt

        Presumably more than that. We don’t know how many happened “off-panel” and before Joyce got in on the action, Joe was taking a suckerpunch every 7 seconds.

      2. Bill M.

        Since Joyce said “our fists” in her statement, I’m guessing she got a few punches in as well.

        1. Scott

          Good point. Clearly further studies will be needed.

    2. Hinoron

      What surprises me, is that Joe never hit Mike back throughout all this. He’s like half again Mike’s size, and he’s been given plenty of reasons to.

  2. Jen Aside

    Well, that was quick.

    As were the fists.

  3. NCP19

    So…does this mean Mike can tag in as Joyce’s date now?

    1. NCP19

      Having Mike as my gravatar makes this even better

    2. Lillian

      I certainly hope so.

  4. Kayyte

    … what…
    apparently Galasso likes crushing mother bears with his heel

    1. Xartarin

      That newspaper was in the first page with Galasso too.

      What a delightful Easter egg that isn’t horrifying at all.

      1. Skye

        I think it’s talking about a previously existing pizza parlor…

        1. Rhinox

          I was really hoping that Galasso recieved media attention after crushing bears underneath his iron… Not-heel.

    2. Matt B

      in case you aren’t aware, Mother Bear’s is the name of a popular pizza place near Indiana University.

  5. Dave Van Domelen

    Mike hand-tossed your mom.

    1. David Herbert

      With his penis.

      1. Jabberwocky

        For a nickel.

        1. darkond2100

          And gave the sloppy seconds to your uncle.

        2. Justme

          For a nickel.

        3. Plasma Mongoose

          Mike must have one hell of a coin purse to carry all those nickels around.

  6. Waldo

    Eagerly awaiting Joyce’s inevitable reality check.

  7. Jeff K

    Way to go Joe, don’t take that bullshit!

  8. Crimson Magic

    Was hoping to see Joe punch out Mike, but I’m glad to see he stood up for himself enough to leave.

  9. Darth Shadow

    Stay classy, Mike.

  10. alicemacher

    Mike, focusing on what’s important.

    1. David Herbert

      Well, he’s technically being nice. He just cost her a pair of customers with his antics and so by getting a pizza, he’s cancelling out his dickish behaviour in the way it effects Connie.

      1. Rognik

        Now the question is: will he eat the whole pizza by himself?

        1. lost_limey

          Why not? It’s only a medium, and I for one can eat an entire large by myself even now, could manage 3 in my college hey day

        2. Sgt_Hatred

          Fatass.

      2. Schornforce

        Unless of course, he decides to do a dine and dash…

        1. David Herbert

          Well Joyce did yell out his name, plus I’m pretty sure Connie could remember a guy who beat up another guy for staring at her rack and ruined a date, which would allow her to send Ninja Rick to take care of them (I assume Rick works for them, for some reason. It just feels right).

          Unless that’s a frequent occurrence.

        2. bramblepatch

          …honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if this kind of thing was a frequent occurrence, considering whose restaurant this is.

        3. Jenny Creed

          For Mike it’s more commonly known as “dine & dick”.

  11. addude

    Joe lasted longer than I thought he would

    1. Andy

      That’s what she said.

      1. Justme

        it’s what you get for a nickel.

    2. brasca1

      Guess it proves that Mike’s strength is merely annoying since Joe isn’t not too injured.

  12. Cinder

    “Our fists were instruments of the Lord!”

    Lol. You never cross someone as religious as Joyce. She will show no mercy when inflicting the Lord’s pain onto your lecherous ass.

    1. darkond2100

      I believe that this statement of her may lead to a friendly, if not close, relationship with Mike.

      1. Crimson Magic

        You think that Joyce is going to enjoying hearing Mike talking about how he banged her mom? For an amount undoubtedly under a quarter?

  13. Dr. Worm

    Was… Was that Dumbiverse!Joyce’s first usage of “hanky-panky”? Damn, Willis, that’s dark.

    1. David Herbert

      I think I saw it earlier, but I’m not sure. I could be wrong though.

  14. TheAlucinaut

    Wow Joe got all swear-y.

    & I love Mike’s faaaaaaace in the the middle panel. Like, it’s somewhere between “got the job done” & “damn it I wanted more punches.”

    Oh yeah & part “yeah…this is a night for olives.”

  15. goldie

    …i suddenly need pizza. why must i have midnight cravings of food that i can’t currently obtain? >_<

    1. Penthesilea

      Seconded! Mike’s sounds good…

  16. Azumango

    Our fists were instruments of the lord? So… Does that make Captain Falcon the pope?

    (Also, Olives and Peppers? Ew.)

    1. zuche

      Two of my favourite pizza ingredients, behind spinach and feta or artichoke hearts and eggplant.

      As for the date, that went better than expected. Um… or maybe not, seeing as they left together, sans chaperone.

      1. Someone

        I wouldn’t say they’re leaving together. Looks more like Joyce is yelling at him until she’s done dispensing relijustice.

        1. zuche

          And yet the result is the same: two people walking out of a building at the same time.

          I’m not predicting anything here, and I’d be surprised if anything does come of Joyce stepping across that threshold. Odds are good that she’ll either come back or go home.

          In any case, Mike’s the only customer left of the three.

      2. Azumango

        Pineapple Pepperoni Pizza!

        Oh God, I’m starving.

    2. Bickendan

      “Paaaaapal Punch!”

      1. Malph

        FALCON PRAY!

    3. Jabberwocky

      FALCON PREACH!

    4. Derik

      Batman’s fists are Hammers of Justice.

      1. Justme

        Chuck Norris’s chin-fist is the Hammer of Destruction.

  17. wynne

    I might not agree with her, but I definitely like Righteously Angry Joyce. “OUR FISTS WERE INSTRUMENTS OF THE LORD, YOU LECHEROUS FIEND!!!!!”

    1. PedanticJerkass

      She kicks ass for the Lord.

  18. Lord Harlock

    But the grander question is: will Conquest get a tip?

    1. Steven

      She’ll get more than the tip.

      …

      I’m a horrible person.

      1. Gianni

        On her FAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE

    2. Björn

      A nickel.

      1. Pagannerd

        She’ll then have to make change.

  19. zuche

    Wait.. “Please to be seated”?

    1. David

      The podium is half obscured. The “wait” is definitely there, and in the unused corner of that sign is a little drawing of Galasso.

      1. zuche

        Ah. Sorry.

      2. TexasRed

        Actually, I liked the thought of “Please to be seated.” It makes Galasso’s so much funnier.

      3. Justme

        For Galasso’s, I’d expect more of a “Wait to be seated so that you may pay homage to Galasso’s greatness and serve him.”

  20. T Campbell

    Joyce’s actions are not those of someone truly secure in her faith. Joe came within inches of shaking her worldview, I think, though he put a foot wrong when he championed “lust” instead of something more neutral like “desire” or “attraction.”

    I mean, if she wanted to be a nun, that would be one thing, but she’s perfectly committed to getting her M.R.S. Gonna be kind of difficult to do that if desire isn’t part of the equation. Not impossible, I suppose. Maybe she’ll end up bearding Ethan.

    1. George

      Possibly, but unlikely. Ethan’s already “out” and I doubt that Willis is going to put him back in the closet.

      1. T Campbell

        But is the Ethan of this universe out, or still in denial as Shortpacked‘s Ethan was during his college years? We don’t know much about the new one yet.

        1. Matt

          Maybe he’s –DUN DUN– actually straight. Alternate universes, infinite possibilities, and all that jazz.

        2. MeFailWords

          He’s out. Willis said so on his formspring me and its also implied in his character bio

        3. T Campbell

          Aha… missed that one. Probably not then.

        4. Seraph

          In that case, she’s not liable to be friendly to him at all, at least not as we Earth people define “friendly”. There may not be any open hostility, but there will be attempts to “cure” him. Assuming they ever interact at all, of course.

        5. Lesharo

          “Ethan’s nice and well-meaning, but kind of a pushover. Though he won’t come out and say it, he’s excited to go to a big college where there will be more outted gay dudes than at his high school. Because, you know, he’s gay. And not just for Batman.”

          http://www.dumbingofage.com/cast/attachment/castethan/

    2. Matt

      Joe came within inches of shakin’ a lot of things. HEYOOOO! Tip your waitresses, folks.

    3. Ian

      If Joyce is out to get her M.R.S., dating guys who are just out for a one night love them then leave them isn’t going to further her cause either. Besides, Joe’s intentions were far from honourable from the very beginning.

      1. Seraph

        True, but while WE knew that about Joe, she didn’t. As far as SHE knew, he was The One…after she converted him from Judaism and got his parents back together, of course.

        I assure you, not even the most romantic and marriage-minded boy in that college (there must be a few of them) would put up with a tenth of the guff that Joe did on this date, and only one who shared Joyce’s worldview exactly would be able to avoid it.

    4. DrDVD

      joyce is going to sleep iwth a girl on accident and flip out, that is my prediction

  21. Samuraiartguy

    I don’t particularly like Joyce… *cringe*

    1. mertin

      Having been madly in love with a girl this religious when I was in high school… reading this is… weird. She was totally fine with me being atheist right up until the point I wanted to date her. OTOH, she grew up in a pretty rough part of town, so she wasn’t nearly as naive as Joyce.

  22. ScytheAkse

    CRAZY jesus bongo.. hmmm the crazy ones are normally the best in the sac… looks like joes gonna miss out 😉

    1. tom

      Naw… Mike might follow him home.

      1. ScytheAkse

        HAHAHAHAHA whole new definition of fisting

        1. Pagannerd

          A better definition of fisting?

        2. ScytheAkse

          i dont think any defintition of fisting is a good one.

  23. Zap

    I think everybody has to have a kind of weird pizza they like (I like ham and onion pizza, for example). Mike is no exception, it seems.

    1. goatman95111

      My favorite is white garlic sauce with anchovies, ham, pineapple, and cheddar cheese instead of mozzarella. However, I worked at four or five different pizza chains before (and once after) college, so mundane flavors do not have the sharp, salty content I look for in snack foods.

      And in regards to Joyce, I just have one simple question. If you don’t want a guy to look, what’s with the dress with no bra?

      1. ScytheAkse

        color me simple but i love pepperoni and bacon. and he wasn’t staring at joyces chest. he was staring at the blonde working at the pizza joint.

        1. Malph

          Conquest’s clevage has the power to draw the eyes of the weak. It helps that Joe’s eyes are automatically attracted to boobs.

        2. Pat

          And that her boobs were about at his eye-level when she called his attention to her presence.

        3. ScytheAkse

          YAY FOR PIZZA!!! gotta love when a webcomic gives you a craving and you get it fulfilled

        4. Ruthless

          Pepperoni and bacon are super gross. =P

        5. ScytheAkse

          MEAT GLORIOUS GLORIOUS MEATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

        6. Ruthless

          I’ll admit, I used to like pepperoni, but bacon has always been something I hated. I feel like a broken human,

        7. ScytheAkse

          i LOVE bacon but you already know that 😛

      2. Someone

        If she’s like the girl I knew, good people who resist their sin should have no trouble with her wearing something like that.

        And why is everyone calling olive and green pepper pizza weird? ; ; They’re mainstay parts of GREAT combos.

        1. Jason

          I like olives and I kinda like peppers…but I wouldn’t order a pizza with JUST those two toppings. (And Mike doesn’t seem like the vegetarian type to me.)

        2. Bill M.

          Mike might be a vegetarian, not because he doesn’t like animals, but because he hates vegetables.

        3. ScytheAkse

          i think he would also hate animals.. he looks like a cat kicker 2 me

    2. Nanodragon

      Banana pizza.

      Don’t dismiss it until you try it.

      1. Azumango

        Your avatar fits. Also, I’m going to try this. And probably not going to like it. BUT TRY IT NONETHELESS!

  24. Shift

    So Joyce hired someone to beat on Joe and then helps Mike hit him, and yet she acts like SHE’S the victim in all this? Ugh, I hate it when people use religion as justification for their bad actions.

    I mean, Joe didn’t even DO anything that normally would warrant a beating. He was actually a more or less a gentlemen from the start of the date. That’s pretty impressive coming from Joe.

    1. Soundbucket

      WITHOUT his penis. O_O

      1. zuche

        You buncha Marys…

        It isn’t justified, but her reaction seems to be based on a combination of guilt and a sense of betrayal. Also, notice that she just left with Joe and left Mike behind.

        1. Gianni

          I’m pretty sure she’s just pursuing him towards the door to continue yelling at him, not actually leaving with him. I wouldn’t be surprised if she tries to salvage the date by hanging with Mike at Galasso’s for a few strips until Mike verbally shoves her off, since he’s Mike and all.

        2. zuche

          Quite likely, but it doesn’t change the fact that she and Joe left together.

        3. Shift

          And that’s supposed to help her case… how? Her behavior is still uncalled for in every manner. It’s a first date, and she’s been nothing but rude, inconsiderate and judgmental. There is no justification for her actually helping Mike hit Joe.

          And the only reason she left without Mike, is because Mik opted to stay behind because no doubt his amusement at beating Joe had passed. Joyce didn’t tell him to stay behind.

        4. zuche

          I think you may be arguing against something I’ve never claimed. Justification is irrelevant here, as we’ve already agreed there isn’t any. Understanding does not mean justifying.

          Also, “Nothing but…” is overstating things. She attempted to be considerate toward attitudes she finds intolerable, and failed in the end. Excessive? Yes. Points for trying? Nowhere close enough to avoid a failing grade.

          Still, the net result is Joe, self-considered God’s gift to women is now aware that God’s return policy can be rather unpleasant. Sarah may get a good laugh out of what happened to him, and well she should. That kind of smug benefits from regular helpings of floor.

    2. Sgt_Hatred

      She PAID him to hit Joe. In free punches.

  25. Pingback: Tweets that mention Dumbing of Age - Olives -- Topsy.com

  26. JDavis

    Hmmm… Mike just made somebody happy.

    (Besides your mom)

    1. DrDVD

      your mom?

      1. Pagannerd

        My Mom?

  27. lonely daydreams

    Was I the only one who saw the induendo on that last panel? or am I that perverted?

    1. Joebo

      You were, until you mentioned it. Then I looked back and saw it for myself. Though to be fair, everything Conquest says could be taken as innuendo.

    2. A.non

      Nope – I saw it too.

  28. Merrick

    Joyce, the idea is not to follow him out.

    Mike, punch her.

  29. Rali

    Mike’s job here is done.

  30. Justame

    WOW, Joyce looks scary when she’s furious!

  31. Joebo

    Deep Dish

  32. Cube

    Technically they did get physical, so at least Joe has that.

  33. Trousle Undrhil

    I bet Mike will throw the pizza, frisbee-style, at Joe, The olives and green peppers is just to throw us off.

    Clever, Willis … clever.

  34. MarkLar

    I have two things to say.
    1) You tell her, bro. bongo be crazy.
    2) You tell her, bro. That sounds like some tasty pizza.

  35. zuche

    I read, “Our fists were instruments of the Lord!”

    I imagine a bookend scene involving Joe’s hands and Joyce wholeheartedly affirming her belief in a deity.

    It won’t happen, but the symmetry amuses me.

  36. ziggy78eog

    Hanky-pankious? I think it would sound more Latin if it were “hankious-pankious”, but that is just me. And Mike’s work is done; and after a hard night of bastarding, Mike has himself a nice pie, topped with…black olives and green peppers? Hmmmm, that does sound rather good, now that I think about it.

  37. Sili

    Oh, but there must be hanky-panky.

    1. zuche

      Well, since you insist…your place or mine?

      1. Kamino Neko

        *eyes gravatars in this discussion*

        It’s Danny’s dream come true! (Only, he’s not involved. So, perhaps his nightmare come true.)

        1. zuche

          I will remember this dialogue in the unlikely event that it becomes significant to the plot. For now, however, I am amused.

  38. agentksilver

    GALASSO FEELS THAT HIS TWO NEW MINIONS SHOULD HOOK UP, Y/N?

    1. Joebo

      Will this help him bear an heir? If so (y)/n if not… (y)/n

  39. ashleyw

    That was quick.

  40. Matt of Steel

    Well Joyce just needs to find a guy who isn’t interested in sex or looking at women. So she should probably date Ethan.

  41. Dahlia

    S: I wish Joyce would drop the crazy…Shes starting to annoy me and I really like Joyce! D:

    1. zuche

      At this stage in her life in a previous series, she hadn’t yet outgrown the crazy. Give her time.

      1. Dahlia

        Yeah, thats true! ^ ^

        Mature works on Joyce 😀

  42. ArchSchnitz

    1. Called it.

    2. I’m not sure that Joe and Joyce left together. To me, it looks like she’s standing and yelling, not walking.

    1. Jack

      To me it looks like she’s going to ragepreach him back to the dorms, but she could be standing still as well.

      1. Sri

        I love that this looks like a discussion between Mikes.

        1. MO

          That makes me wonder–what would Mike do if he met himself?

        2. ArchSchnitz

          I think it depends on who’s there. He would do whatever was the most traumatizing to others present.

        3. Shade

          I would assume an epic hate fuck the likes of which none can imagine.

      2. ArchSchnitz

        Ragepreaching is a possiblity, and I like the word. Not a fan of the action, though.

  43. Sporkaganza

    The last panel is positively laden with innuendo.

  44. airfox

    I think this is my favorite DoA strip so far. The reason? Mike and Connie, the two bestests Willis’ characters evah!

    And the casual conversation after the crazyness helped cement the funny.

    -airfox

  45. Doom Shepherd

    Now shipping Mike/Connie.

    1. Bill M.

      Now shipping Mike/pizza.

      1. Crimson Magic

        Nice.

      2. arjay2813

        i was taking a drink when i read that, and almost bit my tongue trying not to spit-take onto my comp

  46. kaze

    the only way to make a more evil pizza is to put pineapple on it.

    1. Gianni

      There’s nothing evil about a Hawaiian pizza

      1. Jack

        Yes, but a Hawaiian pizza made by Galasso’s dark pizza armies? That is the height of dastardliness.

        1. dchorror

          Are you sure you’re not talking about anchovies?

  47. Richie9999

    Good move Joe.

  48. Janos

    As this comic goes on I find Joyce more and more Unlikeable, because I KNEW people like her, people who were religious and seemed so sweet and innocent.. and still do nasty things to people in the name of the “Lord” ._.

  49. Locke

    Okay, all other characters aside, Mike still rocks. He’s why I’m going to continue reading this webcomic.

    Also, anyone else notice the headline in the backgound? Man, I can’t believe ANYONE would do that to innocent, most-likely-bloodthirsty mother bears…

  50. Other David

    I’m interested in her hand tossed pizza.

    Bowchickabowow

  51. BD

    Joe never actually fought back, did he?

  52. Stephen

    ‘hanky-pankious’. I don’t know if I’ll ever use that phrase, but I think it’s awesome. 🙂

  53. newllend

    The fist of the lord has once again sriked the wicked, glad that’s over

  54. Kyokusha

    …Mike is dressed like Johnny Bravo.

  55. asmcint

    I know that this is an old comic, but I just realized that that girl is Connie out of Shortpacked. Good thing Joe hasn’t gotten with her. At least, not yet, in DoA. God knows it’d be weird to see HIM spraying his crotch with Lysol.

  56. Beige

    question: is connie still called conquest in DoA or does she have a slightly more normal name?

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