225

Qualities
Posted on July 28, 2018 by David M Willis

225 thoughts on “Qualities”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    so they’re literal Ken dolls until the ring goes on??

    “is it a cock ring lolololol”

    *suddenly has the WEIRDEST Slipshine idea*

    1. Ana Chronistic

      SEXXY ELBOWS

    2. Scoops

      Magical cock-ring, you put it on a flat surface and that surface grows a cock.

      Sounds more like an Oglaf idea.

      1. MM

        Kinda surprised they haven’t done it already, honestly.

        1. Agemegos

          Well, there was the “Ol’ Drunk Stiffy” beer in [i][a href=”https://www.oglaf.com/wildyeast/”]Wild Yeast[/a][/i].

          Speaking of Oglaf, has anyone besides me noticed that it’s rather less rapey now, and that we never see the Apprentice and Mistress any more?

        2. Deanatay

          Yeah, I miss ’em.

          Them, and the animated globs of semen.

        3. badumtiss

          “I’m telling…MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSS!”

      2. Doctor_Who

        The Lord of the Rings would be a VERY different story.

        One Ring to Rule Them All indeed.

        1. butts

          shit that sounds familiar

          wasn’t there like an SNL sketch or something about that

        2. Kryss LaBryn

          Ah, you’re thinking of the Jack Black cock-ring Council of Elrond scene they used at the MTV music awards. 😀

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=do9xPQHI9G0

        3. darkoneko

          There gotta be SO many gay porn titled around LotR puns.

      3. desolation0

        guy: Why would I need that?
        girl: *smirks*
        next scene: *guy bent over bed*

        1. Agemegos

          [i]Oglaf[/i]: not even a little bit safe for work. [i][a href=”https://www.oglaf.com/moves/”]Moves[/a][/i]

        2. Pablo360

          Use the angled brackets.

    3. Makkabee

      Cock-Ringo is the drummer for the Fap Four (along with John Thomas, Pole, and Engeorged).

  2. BBCC

    Oh, Walky.

    And I see you there in panel 2 Dorothy

    1. Schpoonman

      For all her faults, she’s got a few things down PAT.

      1. LovelyMonsters

        I kind of disagree. It is lesser. At least in the sense that partnership has aspects to it that change the nature of the relationship in a few key and fundamental respects and friendship lacks these aspects. Maybe a better way to say it would be that friendship is less entangled, less intimate, than partnership.

        Friendships, besides (usually) lacking a sexual aspect, are less intimate and more tolerant of failings and differences. If your friend says something awful, you can tell them they’re being awful and fuck off home. If your partner says something awful, that has implications, because you may have made some vows about sticking with them, you have to live with them and see them every day, and that may affect how you are treated. Kind of the essence of pair-bonding is that you have some kind of connection with your partner that you *don’t have* with everyone else.

        1. BBCC

          Depends. Some people DO have very committed and intimate relationships with friends and quasi platonic relationships are a thing.

      2. Schol-R-LEA

        There were a lot of jokes in the 1970s about Tricky Dick that ended on the punchline, “but he couldn’t get it down Pat”. Just Sayin’.

  3. King Daniel

    So Joyce’s mind was just blank when she was the Whiteboard Ding-Dong Bandit, good to know

    1. Screwball

      No, apparently she did her research for that… 😛
      http://www.dumbingofage.com/2014/comic/book-4/04-the-whiteboard-dong-bandit/familiar-2/

    2. Doctor_Who

      Maybe she completely disassociated when doing that. That’s this universe’s Anti-Joyce.

    3. Haven

      In drawing those dongs she achieved a transcendent state of action without a causal self. Wu weinus.

      1. Scoutinthenight

        While I despise puns and portmanteaus, I feel like I should congratulate you on that one.

    4. MatthewTheLucky

      No, those were just renditions of married men.

      1. King Daniel

        But she says weeni aren’t on her mind…

        1. darkgloomie

          Those weren’t weeni, they were Ding-Donga. Totes different

    5. Thursday Violist

      Little-known fact:

      The reason why downstairs boy parts are smooth and featureless is because somebody stole them all and put them on whiteboards.

      1. Nomothehomo

        ever heard of a band called prozzak?

        1. Thursday Violist

          No.

          …isn’t Prozak a brand of medication?

  4. shadowcell

    the weenus abides

    1. Schol-R-LEA

      But is evil.

      The gun, on the other hand, is good.

  5. Raen

    Joyce has a barely suppressed obsession with penises? What could have given anyone that idea?

  6. Regalli

    … oh dear GOD Joyce.

  7. Shiro

    She wants to get his weenus super bad, after a ceremony and safely within the bounds of holy matrimony

    Til then, his non-weenus bits are plenty, most chiefly his brain

    Also, IS friendship off the table? I’ve seen no evidence of that so far, yet Joyce very much did not answer

    1. cbwroses

      Since she skipped past friendship to trying to steal him, that would arguably be seen as evidence.

    2. Reltzik

      She’s spent almost her entire time with Jacob thinking of him as boyfriend-material, first for Sarah, then for herself. She’s never imagined him as friend-material instead.

      1. Shiro

        So not off the table so much as never an option placed on the table to begin with, now placed on the table for Joyce’s analysis

        1. Reltzik

          We’re talking Joyce-level denial here. There is no table.

    3. Agemegos

      Poor Jacob thinks friendship is on the table.

  8. Screwball

    LOL I’ve heard, in the original Tron movie, they had to edit down the main character’s crotch bulge cause it was too big… 😛

    1. JessWitt

      Didn’t they do the same with Brandon Routh’s Superman?

      1. Joseph

        That is, at least, what Brandon Routh claims.

    2. Cass

      On the othe hand, when making Labyrinth they were always on the lookout for outfits that would bring out Bowie’s bulge even more

  9. Kelli217

    And Walky doesn’t even know that Joyce was the whiteboard dingdong bandit.

    1. newllend(henryvolt)

      Yeah like she can’t really pretend to not know what a dick looks like considering she has an artistic ability to draw them.

      1. newllend(henryvolt)

        Oops, I mean weenus.

    2. Keulen

      I’m guessing Walky does know how sexually repressed a lot of fundie Christians are though.

  10. Yumi

    This would be a fun moment for Leslie to walk into.

  11. Kyrik Michalowski

    Well Walky, I did vote for you to take a personal day and eat a taco but I’m proud of you being in class anyway. Also Walky’s particular brand of smartass might be exactly what is needed here. It might not actually /solve/ anything but it will certainly make things seem better.

    1. Dana

      I voted for suck it up and go to class, but only because suck it up, go to class, and eat a taco wasn’t an option.

      1. Kyrik Michalowski

        This is also an acceptable outcome, mostly I just don’t want to deprive Walky of some tacos. His healing process can’t truly begin until he has some burritos and tacos to munch on.

  12. caesaria82

    I love completely flustered and affronted Joyce and I also love that everyone in this universe has just accepted weenus as the term they’re gonna use. Teenagers. In 2018. Saying weenus. It’s adorable.

    1. Yumi

      Shout out to my friend who didn’t know the term “dick” until like a month into freshmen year in college.

    2. SpaceshipPilot

      It’s really fun to say. Weenus. Weeeeeeenus. Weenus. Just rolls off the tongue, you know?

  13. Karishi

    Someone has NOT seen all the art of Spider-Man out there…

    1. StClair

      Although it’s not her primary ship, I imagine Amber can at least provide a few links to start with.

    2. Tacos

      There’s like a bajillion images of Spidey’s taint so odds are that at least one would have a dong.

  14. CleverTrousers

    I feel like he does have a dick nowadays.

    1. CleverTrousers

      Huh. Miles sometimes does but Peter very conspicuously doesn’t. Weird.

    2. ReFlex76

      The Cat needs something to suck.

      1. ReFlex76

        *Black Cat

  15. MM

    Is it smooth? Listen, you yutz: there’s not even a trace of nuts.

    1. StClair

      Is it big? Is it hard?
      Try “as flat as a new schoolyard”.

      1. MatthewTheLucky

        Look therrrrrrrrre!
        There is no Spider-Dick!

      2. McBogue

        Hey there – their is no Spider-Ween!

        1. McBogue

          Damn. Beat-en to the weenus.

  16. DailyBrad

    Walky and Joyce dynamics are typically good for a laugh. This is no exception.

    Also, I do want to stress before saying this that I know it’s easy to forget it due to webcomic time, and that it’s still not a GOOD thing or anything, but I feel like a shitload of gravity is being put on a relationship that cannot have been going on for more than a few weeks. The rhetoric has been extremely heated for what might not even be an L word situation yet.

    1. MM

      Teenagers. ’nuff said.

    2. BBCC

      I realize Jacob and Raidah haven’t been dating long (three weeks I think? I dunno, I know I calculated it but I’m tired rn), but they’ve decided to have an exclusive (i.e. monogamous) relationship and I’m not okay with people meddling with that, even if they’re not yet in love. They could have decided that yesterday and I’d still think this wasn’t okay on Joyce’s part.

      1. cbwroses

        Same.

      2. BBCC

        Correction: they’ve been together for two and half weeks.

        1. Miri

          Do we know this for definite? They can’t have started dating before Jacob started college?

        2. BBCC

          Definitely not. It was their second date in The Butterflies Won’t Fly Away which was two and a half weeks ago from now.

        3. DailyBrad

          They were definitely not dating yet when Sarah initially was talking to him, before she blew that by being extremely Sarah and keeping him at arm’s length, presumably to not get hurt.

    3. Ricardthedragoon

      L-word? You mean lust? True enough I guess since both Raidah and Jacob are willing to postpone the “premarital hanky-panky” though there is a difference between suppression and existence.

      1. thejeff

        No evidence they’re postponing pre-marital hanky-panky.
        Jacob made a comment to Sarah early on about wanting relationships not just casual sex. That’s it, as far as I know.

        He did ask Raidah, after the church trip with Joyce if she wanted to go fool around. She did turn him down, but not in a way that suggested the question was out of line.

    4. CJ

      I’ve never seen the show but from what people tell me, situations where someone was trying to get together with someone already in a relationship where numerous.
      Actually, to me it is unimaginable that some seriously define themselves as in a monogamous relationship after dating for two and a half weeks. One or both wanting to tie it up and be done with it, yes I know there are people who feel married after the first date.
      But, getting to saying to each other, hey we passed the line from dating into a relationship and I what this to be a exclusive after less than two weeks? My mind boggles.
      Yet a lot of people assume this is a step Raidah and Jacob already made, had already made when Sarah had the idea of involving Joyce.
      And I do not get on which in-story stuff they base this idea. They do appear together in public but that is in itself not a statement of “hey, we are a monogamous couple.” Or is it, in the US?

      1. Arian

        I’m accustomed to assuming any relationship is designated monogamous right from the point it officially exists. “Are they together?” “Yeah, they got together yesterday.” “Damn, I’m too late.”

        1. Inahc

          me too. even in highschool, everyone seemed to assume that relationships worked that way. heterosexual ones, at least. A relationship might only last days, but there had to be a breakup before seeing someone else or it was cheating.

          this probably makes more sense when you actually get to know people *before* dating – not when you start learning who they are during the first date.

        2. Clif

          You assume that anyone who dates is going steady? How wierd.

      2. BBCC

        If they hadn’t made the step from ‘just seeing each other’ into relationship there wouldn’t be any reason for them to be referred to as each other’s boyfriend/girlfriend, and we know Jacob doesn’t really like casual fooling around/dating. He wants a real relationship. It wouldn’t surprise me if they hammered that out early.

        1. CJ

          @Arian: I don’t take it as a given that relationships are monogamous. That’s just like assuming a women will take then man’s last name after marriage. It’s a common concept but not everyone adheres to it.

          @BBCC: And just how reliable is that decision after two weeks of knowing each other? To me, that idea is totally part of the true love trope.

        2. thejeff

          “how reliable”? I’m not even sure what you mean.
          It’s their decision. It’s exactly as reliable as any other decision. That doesn’t mean it’s permanent “True Love”. It doesn’t mean they won’t break up someday – maybe even soon. It just means they’ve decided they’re a couple and not dating anyone else.

        3. Alanari

          Would you be surprised if I told you that this semi-sincere “dating” step usually is skipped completely in my country?
          While looking for a partner, most actually have dates with several partners with no commitment to any of them. If one of them gets more serious, you stop seeing others but usually don’t speak about it in public. Close friends often know, but you wouldn’t, say, invite the other to eat with friends.
          It’s usually made public (this includes meeting friends and such) when it’s a relationship. It may be short-lived or casual, but comes with all obligations both parties agreed on.

          This is serious enough to meet the family. A family Jacob wants to impress. He probably wouldn’t introduce a fling.

        4. BBCC

          I’m not sure what you mean by ‘how reliable’ because relationships aren’t on a timetable. If Jacob wanted to only do relationships, it’d make sense he wouldn’t go out with someone he didn’t think it could possibly work with. They probably hammered all that out early on.

        5. Hrovitnir

          I assume monogamous until proven otherwise, because that’s how the world currently works. And if someone was poly (as opposed to uncommitted) that still doesn’t mean it’s a bloody free-for-all.

          And if a couple is open to whatever degree, that still doesn’t mean it’s OK to ignore and disrespect their other partner.

          I WANT poly to be more common and respected, but that also includes wanting everyone to be respectful of peoples’ chosen relationship models.

      3. thejeff

        Where “a lot of people” includes everybody in the comic. Including Joyce and Sarah, since they assume getting Joyce together with with Jacob will involve him not being with Raidah. Including Raidah and her cronies with their “sniffing around your man.”

    5. thejeff

      Part of it is the nature of webcomic time, especially in a college comic with a big focus on relationship drama. Dismissing drama around any relationship of only around a few weeks basically dismisses all the drama.

      “Who cares? It’s just a freshman college fling. It won’t last anyway.” Doesn’t really make for great storytelling.

      1. BBCC

        Yeah, because this is a webcomic, a lot of them are going to be committing to it being an actual relationship a lot sooner. For instance, Billie and Ruth have only been dating three weeks, but nobody dismisses them as girlfriends. Dorothy and Walky only dated for six weeks but they hit ‘I love you’ territory.

        1. CJ

          And we know a lot of what happened between them because Willis showed it in-comic. We know practically nothing about Raidahs and Jacob’s relationships but people in the comments act as if certain things were clear while they are not.

  17. Derek

    The long awaited return of Leslie?

  18. Passchendaele

    as an unmarried dude, I can totally confirm this is the case

    1. wwwhhattt

      As a recently married dude, the change takes some getting used to

      1. Ntrovert

        I am imagining some vaguely Kafka-esque sequence where you wake up one the morning of the wedding and -VOILA- the joystick is just there

        1. StClair

          “Gregor Samza awoke one morning from uneasy dreams to find himself in possession of an enormous *********.”

        2. Passchendaele

          ppfff the joystick, this conversation is why I get up in the morning

  19. newllend(henryvolt)

    Premeditated affairs seem to be a subject going on through out all the DW Multiverse right now.

  20. Deadjolras

    Wait… Isn’t Joe in this class, too?

    1. Puckish Rogue

      Everything might actually come out, which would be good thing as Dorothy might start talking to now again

      1. Puckish Rogue

        Dam phone, might start talking to joe I mean

    2. King Daniel

      Eyup.

    3. DailyBrad

      Joe is in the class, too, yeah, which might provide for some laughs.

  21. Ivy

    Spider-Man used to make me super uncomfortable, but the new one’s pretty cute

  22. butts

    one of these days, dotty

  23. Kris

    I kinda have to disagree with Dorothy on this one. You find the right person then take your shot. Put it all on the table. Let Jacob make a decision too. Sometimes it hurts to be “friends” when you want more. If that sounds selfish it’s because it is. So is love.

    1. Puckish Rogue

      Well no not if said person is already in a relationship

      1. Kris

        Yeah that sucks and I get that objectively and morally Joyce should back off, but don’t pitch the “friend” angle. That doesn’t work for some people. Example: Is Dorothy enjoying being friends with Walky right now? Panel 2 looks like they’re both having lots of fun with that.

        Joyce might not (probably won’t based on the thirst for weenus) be able to compartmentalize her romantic feelimgs into platonic friendship. So what option does she have then?

        1. cbwroses

          That would be fine except Joyce was happy with the friends angle until she got it into her head that she was good enough to be be more than friends.
          She never thought about not being friends prior to that.

          Now could she develop feelings to the point that just friendship is unbearable? Yes.
          But since friendship was fine three days ago, I don’t think we’ve reached that point, yet.

        2. thejeff

          Except Joyce never was happy with the friends angle. She was just sublimating it all into her plans to get him with Sarah – and flirting massively with him in the process.

          And still trying to break up him and Raidah.

        3. cbwroses

          No. She was always happy with the friends angle. Facilitating Jacob and Sarah together doesn’t equal her not wanting to be friends with Jacob and scheming on him, in her mind, doesn’t equal false friendship.

          What dynamic do you think she pictured if her plan had worked and Jacob has dumped Raidah for Sarah? She would have then tried to break them up to get Jacob with someone else? No. She would have stopped interacting with Jacob? No.

          Joyce always saw the dynamic between him and her as friends until Joe told her it could be more. After that, she threw friendship out the window to make him hers.

        4. thejeff

          She imagined it that way, but it never would have worked that way. All her descriptions of Jacob’s body made it very clear where her interest lay. She
          wouldn’t have tried to get them to break up, because she likes Sarah too much, but she also wouldn’t have stopped flirting with Jacob, like she was doing even before her talk with Joe.
          Much like Jacob still sees her as a friend, even as he’s flirting with her and getting more and more interested.
          Wouldn’t have happened anyway, since despite that being her official goal, she was succeeding at getting Jacob interested in her, not in Sarah.

        5. cbwroses

          Except neither Jacob nor Joyce saw it as flirting then. They would almost certainly call it being friendly, joking around, or teasing.
          But I bet you Joyce would say she’s flirting with him now.
          Because then she wanted friendship. And now she doesn’t.
          But Jacob still only wants friendship, which is why things won’t go well for Joyce when he finds out what she’s been trying to do.

        6. BBCC

          I think the point of panel 2 is not just Dorothy telling Joyce that, but also trying to convince Walky (and herself) that they can still be friends and friendship isn’t lesser. Both of which are true, but they may still desire romance because people aren’t robots who have feelings disappear the minute they’re not convenient.

    2. Desslok

      Yeah, Dorothy basically submarined her whole point in her panel 2 rationalization. Not to mention, trying to contradict the central thesis of When Harry met Sally. Don’t mess with the classics.

    3. Lilyliv

      I don’t think that’s what she’s saying here. I think she’s saying that, if you aren’t compatible with a romantic partner as friends, the relationship isn’t going to be fulfilling. Speaking from experience, I tend to agree. Infatuation comes and goes, but if you genuinely like each other and are good friends, the love sticks around. (But YMMV, of course.)

      1. Puckish Rogue

        You’re not wrong, married 10 years and together for 14 years in total for what it’s worth

    4. CJ

      Being friends with someone you want a relationship with can work, but it also can hurt you badly and keep you occupied with what’s not happening.
      Also, not everyone want to be friends with someone who had other feelings for them.
      For some people, they look for very different things in friends and lovers, so the option isn’t there.

    5. Zaxares

      Every person will have different needs when it comes to a relationship, of course, but I’m personally with Dorothy on this one. I cannot be in a romantic relationship with someone who can’t also be my friend. Other friends tend to eventually drift apart from you, kept busy with their own families or careers or life goals. And as you yourself have children, rise in your career, or as passions fade, my observations of other relationships has firmed my belief that you had better have SOMETHING other than kids or lust or social benefits to keeping your partner around, because it will reach a point where you realize that your partner is no longer fulfilling your needs and you’re just two people sharing the same house together.

    6. Doomska

      This is romcom advice and therefore a terrible guide to actual relationships. You don’t “put it all on the table.” You respect peoples’ boundaries. You respect their existing relationships. You respect them as people. Life isn’t a romcom and there’s more than one person you could have a good, loving romantic relationship with, and you don’t go after people that are taken just because you *suspect* that they fit into that category.

      1. cbwroses

        +1

  24. Citizen Platypus

    Joyce’s comment on Spidey just helped me win a bet!

    1. Mad Maple

      Story time !

  25. Sporky

    As usual, whenever Walky is talking about someone else’s problems he’s absolutely right

    1. Chronos

      I think Joyce is more than a bit mortified that even *Walky* can see right through her right now.

  26. abysswatcher1993

    Joyce, I don’t think we have seen the same Spider-man. He is quite horny, has his own anti Peter when under the symbiote’s influence, and always make Faustian bargains that make Linkara angry. Also, his ass is quite noticeable.

    1. newllend(henryvolt)

      Oh please don’t tell me ” Symbiote anti peter” has become a thing outside Spider-man 3.

      1. King Daniel

        Looking through the last time Spider-Man was tagged in Dumbing of Age – about four years ago – a bunch of the comments there were talking about how he was Doctor Octopus for a while.

        1. cbwroses

          Doc ock switched brains with him, started calling himself the Superior Spider-man, and made himself some mechanical spider arms.

        2. LovelyMonsters

          I would hit that

        3. newllend(henryvolt)

          Not really the same thing.

      2. darkgloomie

        Pretty sure Symbiote anti-Peter was always kind of a thing. I remember it from one of the old cartoons.

        1. the Nerdytimes

          It wasn’t a thing in the comics. Peter’s feelings on the Symboite in the comics amounted to “A black suit? Awesome. Wait, it’s alive? Ugh, creepy! Get it off!”

  27. newllend(henryvolt)

    So is Joyce a old classic spiderman fan? Then again who isn’t.

  28. King Daniel

    Also, this is apparently the second time Spider-Man has been tagged.

    Squirrel still has only the one tag.

  29. Psyme

    I wonder if Walky knows what a weenus actually is?

    1. Yumi

      People always come here like using “weenus” to refer to elbow skin has any more weight than using it to refer to a dick. They both fall into the category of slang.

      1. SillyGoose

        Since we’re talking linguistics, shouldn’t the plural be weeni? ;p

        1. Deanatay

          Apparently that’s not how ‘penis’ pluralizes (‘penes’), so perhaps ‘weenus’ should go to ‘weenes’. Dunno. Fan of English, not an expert.

        2. Agemegos

          Depends on what language it is, and if it’s Latin or Greek, which declension. For example, the plural of “bonus” is “bonī”, the plural of “nexus” is “nexūs” “octopus” is “octopodes”, and the plural of. But then, neither of those languages has “w” in it (Greek lost the digamma!), so it’s probably English.

        3. SillyGoose

          I love that you peeps actually answered this question seriously.

        4. Bill M.

          Agemegos, since there’s a W, would that make it Germanic or Teutonic?

  30. Josh Spicer

    Denial ain’t just that river that turned into blood.

    1. Tacos

      That’s one badass river then. So metal…

      1. King Daniel

        Metal? Well, I guess blood does have iron in it…

        1. de Combys

          there’s also copper, zinc, sodium, potassium, calcium, magnesium, iodine, selenium, lithium, cadmium, and perhaps some lead and mercury.

          blood is very metal.

        2. StClair

          But it’s mostly water and salt.
          Each of us carries within ourselves our own personal ocean. We may have left it, long ago, but it has not left us.

  31. Cody C.

    I just noticed that Walky’s eyes really don’t leave his cellphone in this strip, which makes me believe he’s still having that conversation with Amber.

    I don’t know why, but that makes me really happy.

    1. newllend(henryvolt)

      I was actually reluctant to touch on this but it turns out you did it for me.

  32. Phil

    Wait, so according to number three, Jacob wants his own weenus?

    1. Kris

      I’d imagine so. If he didn’t want his weenus, well…..he’s got a new set of issues besides dealing with a horny Joyce.

    2. JBento

      No. The list is “things Joyce sees in Jacob that she doesn’t see in other guys”, not “things Joyce and Jacob have in common.”

      I mean, presumably Jacob is quite content with his own weenus, I guess, but that’s neither here nor there.

  33. Schpoonman

    Oh god, I sounded like Joyce growing up.

  34. adjudicus

    Ok, this is my prediction about how it’ll all go down:

    Joyce comes to some sort of realization via dorothy or joe or both together that she shouldn’t be pursuing Jacob. She decides to be friends with him, but Raidah keeps on passive aggressively going after Joyce and ends up torpedoing her relationship with Jacob. Jacob then realizes what joyce has done and confronts her over it.

    1. ruhrow

      But in that hypothetical scenario, she WON’T have done anything.

      1. BenRG

        Exactly; that’s how Willis likes punishing his characters.

      2. cbwroses

        She’ll have deceived him about her motives to spend time together, attempted to influence him in a way he has expressed he didn’t want, and schemed to undermine his relationship.
        Some people consider that as her having done something.

        1. adjudicus

          ^This

  35. Lone Duck

    Somehow, I want Joyce to watch Labyrinth starring David Bowie. Now there’s an awkward bulge that’s hard to ignore. Anyway, DoA Joyce has always pursued a relationship before friendship. She had the failed date with Joe before they became friends. She had the problematic relationship with Ethan. As far as I’m concerned, Joyce can go get it. I mean, what could possibly go wrong?

  36. Whatevsman

    Thought she was gonna go into Ken dolls there, but that works too

  37. Leorale

    I’m surprised Joyce got to watch Spiderman. I thought that, in her upbringing, the only superhero allowed was Jesus.

    1. MM

      Like others have said, she probably got to read old school, kid targeted comics. Before he sold his soul to the devil.

      1. Roborat

        Maybe she was watching that old, horrible Spiderman cartoon that Ralph Bakshi did, the one that recycled plots and used them in Rocket Robin Hood as well.

    2. BBCC

      She might not be allowed to watch it, but she’s probably seen imagery of him somewhere like movie posters and such.

    3. SillyGoose

      My bet is she’s been very carefully looking at quite a lot of Spiderman art now she has unrestricted, uncontrolled access to the Internet.
      You know, so as to make sure that there aren’t any bulges anywhere. As a precautionary measure for kids’ safety.

  38. Chronos

    The Mike is strong in Walky right now; I can totally see Mike saying this to Joyce right now.

  39. BenRG

    Frankly, Joyce, refusing to admit that you have sexual feelings towards someone to whom you are attracted is a disaster waiting to happen. It’s always the problems the existence of which you’re unwilling to admit that are the ones that actually drop on your head.

  40. JA

    Funny thing is Walky’s not even talking about dicks.

  41. ValdVin

    Becky and Walky both have the same diagnosis, arrived.at separately. They do get along even when not together.

  42. Saaaam

    Dorothy still on a fucking high horse when idealism doesn’t fucking translate to your own reality.

    1. Jay

      I dont see why you dont think dotty DOESNT have the moral high ground here.She started dating walky after she dumped danny and didnt even know walky before she dumped him

    2. Emily

      You’re on a pretty high horse yourself, I hope you’ve never done anything bad ever or you’re a giant hypocrite.

  43. Derek

    That last comment is just asking for it! And with Walky literally talking to Amber right now, he’s primed to deliver. This will end in tears.

  44. Bagge

    Walky is contributing!

  45. Eldritch Gentleman

    Reminds me the description of Victorian Times “People did not exist below the waist”

    1. ego

      “those horrible victorians were nearly the death of me. they couldn’t even admit that their furniture had legs”

      -Eros, in _The Books of Magic_

      from memory, so i probably mangled it. gently

  46. Arianod

    Ooooooh, so that’s why!! It’s because Spiderman isn’t married!! 😀

    1. Eldritch Gentleman

      The local priest is holding onto his bulge for safe-keeping, he will get it back once he marries Mary Jane.

    2. Nope

      Does that mean Mephisto sanded off his dick when he undid the marriage?

      1. Arianod

        No, it just… magically disappear. Yeah.

        1. Arianod

          *disappearED

  47. Nope

    I admit I would figure Joyce as going for a ken doll analogy here.

    1. ValdVin

      Me too. But has she seen a naked Ken doll?

      1. Emily

        Of course, she had to check if it had a weenus.

  48. Smooti

    Dorothy… did you have to say that when you did… in front of the person you passed when you did…

    Anyway I hope Joyce eventually learns how to have a healthy relationship with someone. This is what happens when you don’t let someone date until they’re legally an adult, Mr and Mrs Brown.

    1. Smooti

      I should addendum this with, if you chose not to or just didn’t happen to start dating til college that’s cool, it’s that Joyce has clearly been interested in boys a long time but never got to express it because of her parents before now

  49. SlothfulCobra

    I refuse to believe that any human being consistently calls penises wenises

    1. Ellegos

      Suspension of disbelief, shattered.

  50. Deanatay

    “SEE? The crotchtal area is COMPLETELY BLANK!! NOTHING!!!”

    “Hrm, yeah, but what about… THE POINT OF THEIR ELBOWS?”

    *sproing*

    “Yep, thought as much!!”

  51. JBento

    @Willis: Hey. I wanted to order the book combo, but apparently it won’t let me do it without filling the State/Province field, which is meaningless here in Portugal. Does that thing auto-fill something “official” and I have to come up with something, or do you just look at it and fill the address by hand in the actual package, so I can put in “Not applicable” or something of the sort?

    Thanks.

    1. David M Willis

      Try putting in something meaningless, sure, see if it works.

      1. JBento

        It worked. I put in how the address should look for the mail system over here at the bottom box, and then you can do whatever changes you find necessary to account for that side’s and the international stuff.

        1. David M Willis

          Gotcha!

  52. Alanari

    Jacob wants Sex to be meaningful. Something to be shared with a special person. This is not equivalent to “waiting until marriage”. This isn’t necessarily a thing they share.

    1. Schpoonman

      Joyce did describe herself just now as not wanting to rush into sex, along the same line as Jacob, but not specifically waiting until marriage.

      1. thejeff

        If so, that’s a huge, huge change in her thinking on the subject.

        More likely, she’s just conflating his attitude with hers to make them seem closer, not actually saying that she’s now up for premarital hanky-panky.

        1. Schpoonman

          If we questioned her, absolutely.

          But, I think by the end of the comic (Christmas Break or Summer Break? It’s not going past Freshman year) if not the end of this arc Joyce will shift towards “If it’s the right guy, it will not have to wait until marriage.”

        2. Alanari

          Since it takes about 2 days to be “the right guy” for her, this could end with her having a pretty high body count 😀

          I don’t think she’ll give up on that though. At least, not so fast. It’s too much part of her identity.

        3. thejeff

          I suspect (and have for quite awhile) that if she actually starts dating someone she’s attracted to (and who isn’t completely resistant to that attraction like Ethan was), she’d start doing sex stuff, up to and possibly including PiV. She will likely not change her actual opinion opinion about it so quickly and will be guilty and traumatized by it. Joyce is sexually repressed and horny. It’s not a good combination.

          It’s possible she’ll have some other crisis of faith that’ll supersede all that, of course.

  53. Proto

    I’m surprised to hear Joyce has even seen art of Spider-Man. I mean, after he made that deal with the devil, seems like he’d be on Joyce’s shit list

    1. Darth Apatheus

      That’s a good point, when the hell did Joyce read Spiderman comics. This might actually be super important character development.

    2. stoodmuffin

      I think her exposure wouldn’t have her go fair enough down the rabbit hole to know that?

  54. Reltzik

    Okay, I know that Joyce is getting a lot of flak here, for being anti-sex and being in denial and also trying to break up Jacob and Raidah and a bunch of other things. And a lot of that’s deserved. But I’d like to take a moment to call out the (largely) undeserved flak she’s getting from Walky. Yes, it’s teasing, but it takes everything she’s feeling excited and happy about and dismisses it all in order to say it’s about sex instead.

    1. Alanari

      Her best friend since basically ever said a few strips ago that Joyce is horny. Assuming that becky knows her best friend well enough to recognize horniness, walky is not that far off.

      1. stoodmuffin

        ALSO nailed it

    2. BBCC

      Yeah, Walky’s being a bit of a dick, but I don’t think the point is to dismiss everything as being really about sex, so much as say she does in fact totally want sex.

      1. stoodmuffin

        Nailed it

    3. Puckish Rogue

      Considering what Joyce said about Walky a couple of strips ago I’m not too bothered with what he’s saying here

      1. Puckish Rogue

        Dagnabbit, last strip

      2. Emily

        At this point Joyce and Walky being low-key jerks to each other is a morally neutral action because that’s just how they treat each other.

        1. Clif

          Exactly. And Joyce and Raidah being high-key passive aggressive jerks to each other is morally neutral because that’s just how they treat each other.

  55. stoodmuffin

    Dorothy has an excellent point, but it got upstaged by new favorite Walky/Joyce interaction.

    How much of the Repression ™ have you dealt with, Joyce? Are we still on tummy rubbing with weird dildo things? That aren’t Dildos?

    1. stoodmuffin

      Those are FOR SURE “protest to much” expressions

  56. wakeangel2001

    Divorce rates are actually highest among devoted Christians. I’m wondering if it turns out none of them are any good at sex because they don’t get any practice beforehand or if they just get married to have sex and then realize they don’t really like their spouse.

    1. thejeff

      Unmarried teen pregnancy rates are also high among fundamentalist Christians. I wouldn’t count too much on “don’t get any practice beforehand.”

      Some of the studies I’ve seen suggest that teen sex rates aren’t significantly lower, but contraceptive use is much lower. The suggested reason is that “getting caught up in the moment and sinning” is one thing, but actually getting contraception is planning the sin ahead of time and that’s worse.

      1. BBCC

        Plus a lack of education about them/being told contraceptive use is sinful/’slutty’, yeah.

    2. Emily

      I’d add “not sexually compatible with their spouse” if they did abstain and “got railroaded into a marriage with someone they didn’t love because pregnancy” if they didn’t. Plus the cultural pressure to get married unwisely young before you or your partner have even really developed your adult identity.

  57. ValdVin

    Is this the biggest Joyce embarrassed blush ever?

  58. AgentKeen

    Well.

    Not ALL art of Spider-Man.

  59. Sy

    Welp. Never thought I’d be on google images looking for never evident spider-bulge…

  60. Butts

    Friendship, when you want romance, is by definition lesser. You don’t kiss them. You don’t hold hands. You don’t build a life together.

    Dorothy should honestly just leave Walky alone instead of trying to steamroll him into remaining friends with her.

    1. stoodmuffin

      You are allowed to hold hands with friends.

      People don’t HAVE to be friend’s with exes. But you don’t have to NOT be.

      And. You don’t build a life with your friends in it? Don’t build it with them?

      Pretty metal because my number one fear is to do exactly that.

      I can handle being single. That is NOT the same as being Alone.

  61. stoodmuffin

    Wait.

    People get that the reason that is, if Spider guy is cis, it’s because he tucks, right? Or wear’s a can or something?

  62. Adam Black

    Panel 2: This one of the most selfish self dealing things Dorothy has ever said.

    Its not wrong in itself but it shows shes insensitive to Walkys feelings, many times over.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*

*

*

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.