176

Hell House
Posted on July 28, 2022 by David M Willis

176 thoughts on “Hell House”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    Mary: BWA HAHAHAHAH

    Becky: Aww, your Scary Thing is adorable, let me take a photo for your scrapbook, sweetie!

    Mary: … ?

    1. Doctor_Who

      It’s going to be literally this.

      1. Meagan

        What is that from please?

        1. Doctor_Who

          Community.

      2. Rose by Any Other Name

        Oh my yes. Beautiful use of Dean Pelton.

      3. Stanistani

        Or literally this: https://somethingpositive.net/comic/a-haunting-we-will-go

        1. Laurel Raven

          Damn…I really miss Fred…

        2. Smallmoon

          He lives on in our hearts.

          His loss of Faye and the aftermath really hit home for me and helped keep me steady when Alzheimer’s took my grandfather (both the figurative death mental decline and his literal death in his sleep.)

        3. NickG

          I didn’t cry when Fred died, I cried when the kid told Davan how Fred had sorted out their favourite sweets for them.

        4. Diane

          I just cried through the entire arc once morning came.

        5. Diane

          I’m so glad someone brought this arc up, Fred was amazing.

      4. annarchy

        It’s going to be 23 teenagers dressed up as goths who then go pay for one can of spam in single file with pennies.

        Mind you all the pennies are at the back of the line and they can only pass them forward one at a time.

  2. The Wellerman

    You really think YOU can make a horror experience, Mary?

    That tears it!!!! ?

    I challenge you to a Halloween Demon Duel!!! ?

    1. King Daniel

      Hey now, the paintings of Hieronymus Bosch are legitimately horrifying.

      Then again, he’s probably too “Catholic-y” for Mary.

      1. The Wellerman

        What I have in store for Halloween is gonna make Mary drown I’m a pool of tears and piss! ?

        1. The Wellerman

          *in a pool. Autocorrect is a bongo

        2. BarerMender

          I didn’t even notice the error until you corrected it.

        3. Mr D phone posting

          Too late, you are now a pool of tears and piss.

      2. annarchy

        I mean if you’re not being forced to eat poop by trumpet Birds, they seem like they could be goofy and maybe even interesting persons.

        All really down to whether or not they’re using a plunger to force things through you or not.

    2. JBento

      She definitely can. Just ask Roz, who has to room with her.

    3. JA

      I mean it wouldn’t be too hard. Have you read up on what conservative Christians in power envision for America?

  3. butts

    oh like Ned Flanders’ Heck House

  4. jeffepp

    Great hover text. It’s the only part of the movie I’ve seen.

    1. cbwroses

      What movie?

      1. sultryglebe

        https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ButForMeItWasTuesday

        1. cbwroses

          Ah. Thank you. I haven’t seen it in decades.

    2. Thag Simmons

      I think it’s the only part of the movie the vast majority of us have seen.

      1. Doctor_Who

        I’ve seen the whole thing.

        Raoul Julia and one funny line from Zangief are the only good things about it.

        1. JBento

          Yes, but Raoul Julia.

        2. Opus the Poet

          Yes, Gomez Addams.

        3. Casi

          Of Course!

      2. Spriteless Aunty

        Of course!

      3. Ana Chronistic

        Legit the best (and most predictable) story about Tuesday https://mobile.twitter.com/BoozyBadger/status/1296255504428208132

  5. Yumi

    Hm, I am pretty scared whenever I see Mary smiling, so she’s off to a strong start.

    1. Clif

      Same.

  6. Jon

    Dumbing Of Age vol I lost count: I Watched My Dad Die Last Week After He Kidnapped All My Friends, But I’m Sure Your Thing Is Scary Too!

    1. Rose by Any Other Name

      Part of me kinda hopes that actually is the title of the next book.

      1. Ana Chronistic

        Volume 666?

  7. C.T. Phipps

    Guys, I’m going to predict there’s something genuinely criminal and horrifying going on here that will lead to the END.

    Like Mary has teamed up with more fundamentalist terrorists or Ryan.

    1. alongcameaspider

      I doubt it, Mary’s generally harmless and even she’s expressed distaste at Ryan’s actions

      It’s probably just Halloween themed Bible study

      Unless we’re about to learn that Mary is super into gory horror movies

      1. Doctor_Who

        She does like anime. Maybe she’s secretly into gory stuff like Elfen Lied.

        1. june gloom

          Good lord, liking Elfen Lied (or Goblin Slayer) would make so much sense for her.

        2. egg egg

          Alright, now I can’t stop my brain from creating Mary-who-fangirls-over-Higurashi no Naku Koro ni gore scenes. She’d enjoy the religious cult and the town punishing sinners quite immensely.

      2. butts

        Nah it’s gonna be a bunch of corny Jack Chick-esque depictions of “people suffering for their sins”, just like every other hell house

        …of course, since it’s Mary, those will probably come in the form of shitty animesque sketches, so i’m looking forward to it

      3. Proxiehunter

        Mary has never once been harmless.

    2. Thag Simmons

      Eh, I feel like getting disemboweled in a knife-fight is where Scarface’s story ends

    3. Reltzik

      Mary was still alive, unscarred, and in possession of her femurs after the timeskip, so no, that didn’t happen.

    4. Clif

      See, I’m going to go with Mary knowing her audience and exhibiting murals depicting the temptation, downfall, apostasy and eternal torment of Joyce Brown.

      In the style of a Chick Tract.

    5. Bleuryder

      I’m guessing Mary will have something genuinely triggering about the past week’s events, (not sure to what degree of intentional) and it will be the cause of something way bigger.

  8. cbwroses

    Am I the only one who felt Becky was saying “Hail, Mary!” the same way people in media say “Hail, Satan!”?
    And that Mary completely missed it?

    1. Axel

      I think that was the idea, especially with Mary’s shirt.

      1. cbwroses

        Huh. I’m talking about Mary missing stuff and here I am missing the shirt.

    2. butts

      i think it was just a “hail mary” reference but that still might technically be blasphemous

      1. Proxiehunter

        Becky’s a baptist. Unless they’re trying to throw a football really far baptists don’t use the phrase hail Mary.

        1. butts

          Are they Baptists? We know they’re some kind of fundie church but I don’t remember ever seeing any indication of exactly what kind

        2. Segnosaur

          Is Becky a baptist? I had assumed her and Joyce belonged to an independent/non-denominational evangelical church.

          (Which wouldn’t necessarily invalidate your argument that she wouldn’t use the Hail Mary phrase, since those non-denominational churches can be more extreme than the baptists when it comes to dealing with catholics.)

        3. BarerMender

          Joyce has said her family was only Baptist for two years.

      2. Rose by Any Other Name

        Regardless of the denomination, the fact that Mary is ‘dressed’ as Satan, or at least the Antichrist, indicates to me that Becky is indeed going for a ‘Hail Satan’ joke.

        1. cbwroses

          Took a 5th look: she’s not dressed as Satan. The shirt has 666?? on it, so she’s downing Satan.

        2. Pablo360

          I can’t believe Mary is going down on Satan

        3. thejeff

          Thinking back to her Slipshine picture: Reagan is Satan confirmed!

        4. The Wellerman

          no. just no.

          Demons are cool. The last thing Reagan deserves is affiliation with them.

        5. King Daniel

          Wellll (Christian) Satan’s not a demon, he’s a devil. Any D&D player should know the difference between demons, yugoloths/daemons, and devils. 😛

      3. Wizard

        Fundy types like Mary (not to mention Joyce and Becky’s old church) tend to think of Catholics as idolatrous heretics, so still a bit of a shot.

    3. Mollyscribbles

      I thought it was 50/50 that and a reference to the “Hail Mary, full of grace . . .” thing.

    4. Segnosaur

      Hail Satan? Why are people referencing former NHL player Miroslav_Satan? I mean, he was an ok player and all, just not one who should be worshiped.

      1. cbwroses

        Some people really love sports.

        1. Reltzik

          Hockey religion and ancient scriptures are no match no match for a good T. Rex at your side.

        2. King Daniel

          Don’t be too proud of this cinematic terror you’ve cloned up. The ability to control an audience is insignificant next to the power of the ‘Saurs.

        3. Opus the Poet

          I get that reference, and as a former Leafs fan (I’m old enough to remember watching the 1960s broadcast of the Leafs winning the Stanley Cup. We were living close enough to the border to get Canadian TV on the telly when we turned the antenna towards Vancouver BC.

    5. The Oracle

      I immediately thought of “Hail, proud Merry!” from the Rankin/Bass Return of the King cartoon, which is of course immediately followed by Casey Casem shouting “Hail Pippin!”.

    6. Roborat

      My brain decided to read it as “Hail Hydra”.

  9. BBCC

    Good luck Mary. Becky’s got a core of steel.

  10. Opinus

    Why is Mary so chill?

    1. Doctor_Who

      Because she’s got a heart of ice.

    2. Proxiehunter

      She thinks she’s about to scare Becky and Dina straight. Literally.

      1. Bryy

        YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP.

  11. Adj

    It makes me sad to see people so concerned with the next life that they waste this one.

  12. temporalshrew

    I’m kind of angry that Mary’s genuine-seeming excitement is *almost* cute in that third panel. I’m sure I’ll be less inclined to feel that way when I see whatever bigotry is inherent to her “Hell House,” though.

    1. Rose by Any Other Name

      That smile…
      ….
      One might even say…
      ….
      … there’s something about Mary.
      ….
      … I’ll show myself out.

      1. RassilonTDavros

        How does it feel to have made the same joke as Walkyverse Danny

        1. Rose by Any Other Name

          I mean, I was going for bad. Apparently I succeeded beyond my own expectations.

    2. Mano308gts

      Yea, that’s by far the most genuine smile we have ever seen from Mary, as well as one of the friendliest interactions she’s ever had with (anybody)…

      But we already knew that Mary loves Halloween, and can be friendly regarding it in particular (she drew the Halloween decorations for Joyce/Sarah).

  13. Suet

    Hail Mary
    Full of face
    The punch is with you

    BBB?

  14. TrueVCU

    GOD but Mary is toxic

    And not in the Britney Spears way

  15. Mollyscribbles

    I feel like the odds are rather high the Hell House involves something homophobic or otherwise personally offensive to Becky and/or Dina.

    Point being, if anyone asks, Mary tripped over one of the props and fell down the stairs. Totally an accident, no one was standing near her.

    1. Proxiehunter

      She fell down the stairs, and then she fell up them and then down them again and she did that a few more times.

      1. The Oracle

        She’s so clumsy, that kid.

    2. AbacusWizard

      She’s going to have dioramas claiming that the gays *and* the dinosaurs are both satanic plots.

      1. Proxiehunter

        The gays were invented by the dinosaurs as a Satanic plot.

      2. Nova

        Is Mary also a fundie? I thought she was garden variety Christian, which would mean there’s a better-than-even chance she has no beef with dinosaurs.

        If she’s ever said otherwise I have forgotten it!

        1. King Daniel

          Mary’s a despising-Catholics-for-being-idolatrous variety of Christian. Pretty sure that qualifies her for fundie-ness on its own.

        2. JBento

          So, this is the first strip you’ve seen Mary in, is what you’re saying.

    3. Yumi

      https://youtu.be/uTTgBSgBAqk

    4. Wraithy2773

      I’d say the odds of that are just about 100%. Especially with her hatred of Carla, I doubt she’s going to give Becky soft treatment.

      Hell, I bet that she’s going to argue that Becky should be thanking her for trying to save her soul.

  16. Proxiehunter

    Odds on Dina flying into a rage and tearing the hell house apart bare handed? Place your bets now.

    1. Ty34er

      I’d bet a crisp dollar bill on that. If I bet 2 dollars, can I make the bet expand to cover that OR Dina attacking Mary?

    2. The Wellerman

      Yes!!! YEAH!!! I want this to happen!!!!! ??

    3. Reltzik

      Very low odds. Dina’s in character as a T-Rex, with their notably unmuscled forelimbs. She’ll tear it apart with her teeth instead.

      1. eh, whatever

        “Unmuscled” is relative. There are very large muscle attachment sites on those bones.

  17. fireprincesslily

    Uuugh she would have a Hell house… Mary is the worst

    1. The Wellerman

      Wait, oooooooh…. THAT kind of Hell House. Like Ned Flanders.

      How did I miss that?

    2. Rose by Any Other Name

      …?
      A mechanical house that stands up and attacks people?

      (To me, Hell House is an enemy from FF7)
      (Also, the Hell House theme from FF7 remake is fantastic)

  18. Lone Duck

    I mean… Mary’s not being awful in this specific moment? Because I could see 1st semester Joyce having a Hell Display… But I’m sure Mary will kick it up to Cartoonishly Offensive, as is her usual format.

    1. Nono

      Weirdly enough, Becky would probably appreciate this more than sympathies. People being normal (in Mary’s case, cartoonishly awful) rather than treating her like glass.

    2. Bryy

      Mary is 100000% being awful.

      She didn’t even blink when Becky said her dad died and all her friends got kidnapped.

    3. JBento

      Hell Houses are inherently awful.

  19. Bagge

    I love, love, love that for all their differences, Mary and Sarah share the love of halloween.

    It’s a neat characterizvtion point.

  20. drs

    So weird seeing Mary cheerful and happy. And not the “I have blackmail material” smug happy. For now.

    I’d guess Becky’s “Hail, Mary” is 25% Satanist, 25% Catholic, and 50% “It seemed funny in the quarter of a second of thought I gave to this so I’m saying it”.

    Something Positive did a Hell House storyline back in 2006. Enjoy! https://somethingpositive.net/comic/father-and-daughter/

    1. hazel

      Heheh, that was a fun read, thank you!

    2. Reltzik

      Definitely one of my favorites.

    3. Opus the Poet

      Ferret Hell with EDM was my favorite. Dook dook dook dook!

      1. The Wellerman

        Dook dook dook dook! ?

    4. GUIGUI

      That’s the direction I am afraid her hell house will take.

      1. The Wellerman

        Well, I don’t know if it’ll go as far as the 9/11 bit. Little too risky these days, at least if Willis wants to keep Google Ads.

        As for the rest of the hate crime “hell” house seen in Something Positive? Most likely, yes.

  21. Reltzik

    Absolutely nothing can possibly go wrong with Mary’s plan and I unreservedly endorse it.

    1. Clif

      Willis is so good to us.

      Where’s the damn popcorn?

  22. Pongles

    My theory is that whatever happens at the party that ends up destroying relationships will happen before Dina and Becky get there because of their detour to Mary’s Hell House and that if they had been there for it, it had a chance of damaging theirs too.

    So in a way, Mary saved Dina and Becky’s relationship.

    1. Pongles

      Also I seem to remember last Halloween Mary was ineffective in her attempts, instead making Sarah a “two pretzel” worthy commission.

      1. The Oracle

        It’s the same Halloween. This is only days after that picture was drawn.

        1. Pongles

          I need to see a timeline or something then, I don’t understand how events correlate now.

        2. Needfuldoer

          DoA has a floating timeline. It’s always “the present” even though it’s been running for almost 12 real-world years.

          Books 1 through 10 (real world September 2010 through September 2020) covered August 29th to October 21st, DoA year N.

          Book 11 (starting real world September 2020) picked up sometime the following January, DoA year N+1. (The Walkypedia article has dates listed, but I think they might be off by one because of how Ruth’s birthday lined up.)

          https://walkypedia.fandom.com/wiki/Dumbing_of_Age_Timeline

          This arc flashes back to October 31 “last year” DoA time.

        3. The Oracle

          Okay, so the short version: This takes place during the time skip, which started shortly after Mary drew the picture. It’s the same school year, just a couple days later and still months before the end of the time skip. I hope this helps.

  23. Francoinblanco

    That third panel smile looks like that meme with hitler and coaching slogan like “just do it” or “dont let other people stop you”

  24. ADLegend21

    can’t believe Becky just called Mary a p*ssy with different words lmaooo

    1. The Oracle

      We all know what that asterisk is filling in for, why not just spell the entire thing?

      1. Reltzik

        Is there a filter for that? … I don’t think there’s a filter for that, but there might be a filter for that.

        1. The Oracle

          If there is, it’s kinda bad form to deliberately circumvent that filter.

        2. Clif

          It would be a b*ngo move.

        3. JBento

          Only if you fill a line.

      2. Mturtle7

        Personally, I’ve found that inserting an asterisk into swears actually makes them seem much more filthy than they would be otherwise, so I tend to do it even when there’s no particular need for censorship. It’s a bit like how people can find lingerie more sexy then just being plain ol’ nude.

    2. Queezle

      she did? I went back to reread the comic and I can’t find it.

  25. RassilonTDavros

    I kind of love Becky’s (performance of?) complete mental immunity to Mary’s bullshit.

    1. Bryy

      I fucking LOVE Mary’s *all white* “666 Thumbs Down” shirt.

      She legit thinks she is the King Shit.

  26. Lingo

    For a moment there, I was afraid to comment, because the exact number of comments was 66 (get it?). But after I clicked through to the comment section, it was already at 67, so now I think it’s safe to comment.

    I have nothing else to say.

  27. Romanticide

    Mary is quite the closet fan of horror… look at all that joy

  28. AGV

    Wait, what if this actually did something to Becky

    1. The Oracle

      What, like Mary set up some kind of BDSM video/poster to scare people about what gay sex looks like, and Becky melts into a puddle? I really don’t think it’s gonna get to her at all.

  29. Opus the Poet

    Yeah trying to scare people with imaginary Hell for people who have literally been through Hell just a few days ago, this should be good.

    Have we seen her since the timeskip? And if not this might be why not.

    1. Reltzik

      We have. She tried to lecture Ruth about her various failings, and got mauled by Dina.

  30. Reltzik

    … you know, I’d like to see some Christians with enough courage and integrity to actually call out their own with a hell house. Something like…

    “While he was alive, Ken here was a televangelist. He called on the poorest in his audience to max out their credit cards to buy him a fleet of private jets. Would Jesus accept him as one of his own, or say to Ken depart from me? Let’s look in the the next room to see how hard it is for a rich man to enter heaven.”

    “In life, Bob here supported segregation and worked hard to prevent interracial marriage. He hijacked Jesus’s name to support his own hatred. Let’s see what fate awaits someone who would divide God’s people like that…”

    “This fellow’s Hank He went public with a prophesy that a certain orange man would be reelected as president. When his prophesy failed, rather than confess his sin and repent, Hank doubled down, lied about the election results being falsified, and helped lead a movement of election-deniers that culminated in an armed insurrection. Let’s look into the next room to see if this false prophet entered into the Kingdom of Heaven…”

    Dammit this needs to happen.

    1. King Daniel

      Kickstarter, maybe? 😛

    2. Opus the Poet

      This post is another example of why this comments section needs an upvote button. Instead all we got was a downvote button and if a post gets enough downvotes it gets deleted. We need the upvote button to highlight the post that gets the most upvotes in the first 24 hours after the comic goes up.

    3. Needfuldoer

      They’re never going to give away the game like that. Gullible suckers are their free ticket to the gravy train, and the trappings of religion are the perfect “irrefutable” justification for their greed!

      1. Reltzik

        Eh, I will admit there are SOME liberal-Christianity types who are willing to do exactly that. They just don’t seem to exist in enough numbers to make a real difference.

        1. Needfuldoer

          “They” being the grifter televangelists, in this case.

    4. Amós Batista

      Gonna throw that here, where I live.

  31. Wraithy2773

    …oh, goody. Mary set up a Hell House. A Christian Evangelist impersonation of a Haunted House, filled with preaching, judgement and undisguised hatred, most likely.

    The great webcomic Something Positive did a fantastic set of strips on this back in… ye gods, really? 2006? Ugh, my knees are aching again…

    But it really is likely going to be a good point of comparison to what Willis is going to do. Particularly given how… well, it’s not exactly that Christian Evangelism has gotten more virulent in the last 16 years, but it sure has gotten a whole fucking lot less subtle about it all: https://somethingpositive.net/comic/holy-ghost-stories-pt-1/

    1. Reltzik

      In full and reluctant fairness to Mary, at least she’s actually being open and up front about it being a hell house.

    2. Roborat

      I have vague memories of that storyline, thanks for the refresher.

  32. Bruceski

    Now I’m wondering how many people in the comic and comments don’t know what a Hell House is, and how many are playing along to annoy Mary later.

    1. Needfuldoer

      My only exposure to them is that one episode of Moral Orel, which I assume was only barely satire.

      1. Opus the Poet

        If that’s the one I’m thinking about, it wasn’t satire at all. There were (are?) hell houses like that.

    2. PirateTawnee

      I guess I don’t then, if you feel it’s worth wondering about. I was mentally waving it away as another “oh those wacky Americans and their wacky religious ways” thing, but not voicing it because it’s possibly offensive. I’m ready to learn though if knowledge of what a Hell House is helps me enjoy the comic more.

      1. PirateTawnee

        Never mind, I googled, and regret it.

      2. The Oracle

        I doubt very many people are gonna get genuinely offended if you say something as benign as “Americans sure do have some weird religious practices.”

        1. spriteless_auntie

          I might ironically quote groundskeeper Willie though. “You’ve made an enemy today!”

    3. anon

      seems like something becky might’ve been through already considering how her dad was growing up unless her mom stopped it while she was still alive

  33. the jighole man

    2 possible situations i kinda wanna see, just because each of them fits the situation well.

    1: her haunted house looks perfectly normal to anyone that isn’t a westboro baptist (2 guys holding hands, someone eating pork and shellfish while wearing mixed fabrics, someone not praying)

    or

    2: her haunted house is the most effed up thing on the planet, so bad it even makes dina feel horrific disgust. the most uptight christian makes the most satanic display ever conceived.

  34. Bryy

    As much as I know this is gonna be a Mary Bashathon, I’m gonna wait until this storyline ends to read it all.

    Partly cause it’s Halloween and I want to savor it. Partly cause stress.

  35. Rabisch

    Looking at how Ruth is practically asking for forgiveness from everyone Mary gets into her Hell House, this has to be the dumbest and most boring thing ever. Also, it’s really weird to see Mary so happy and satisfied. She’s proud of her work, she has been designing it for months, she has probably done tons of drawings, maybe even dioramas. In short, it’s important to her! So important that I wonder if Billie will somehow destroy it, Mary never liked Billie, but the hatred and resentment with which she “greeted” her after Halloween must be based on something even worse than punching her in front of all.

    1. The Oracle

      I’m personally glad it’s important to her, just so other people can make fun of it and tear her down.

  36. Vukodlak

    Wow this is the nicest Mary has ever been… while speaking.

  37. darkoneko

    Hail, Mary, hah

  38. Amós Batista

    Don’t go there, Becky and Dina! They pretend it’s a funny thing, but it’s always an altar call.

  39. Stephen Nedland

    Why do I get the impression that Mary’s, “Hell House”, is a couple of dudes, getting married, a rape victim, getting an abortion, trans people, using the restroom of the identified gender, and Atheists, just existing?

    1. Amelie Wikström

      I’m thinking, just an exact recreation of that “this is the future liberals want” picture with the drag queen and the hijabi sharing a subway seat. Done entirely by accident.

    2. thejeff

      And she’s repurposing the sketch she made for Sarah of a witch smiling in the fires of hell.

  40. Freezer

    Mary’s obliviousness to Becky’s sarcasm is amazing.

  41. poyo

    oh man. ive always wanted to visit a hell house. i was raised without the fear of god in my heart so they sound like a hoot and a half !

  42. JepMZ

    It just dawned to me this isn’t gonna be a haunted house

  43. Keulen

    A real haunted house would probably be far more entertaining (and less silly) than those hell house things.

    1. The Oracle

      But aren’t you terrified of people behaving normally!?!?!?!?????

    2. The Wellerman

      Don’t worry. Imma making something for IRL Halloween that will more than supersede whatever the hell is in Mary’s “hell” house. ?

  44. Opus the Poet

    OK I’m not in a Patreon tier that lets me see tomorrow’s comic early, but I have the feeling that this is going to be so homo- and transphobic that it gets Mary on perpetual probation until graduation and she screws up one more time she’s out and loses her financial aid.

    1. anon

      feels like ruth or another authority figure would’ve been able to see it beforehand/do a final approval before allowing her to decorate it a certain way?

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