158

Bars
Posted on June 2, 2018 by David M Willis

158 thoughts on “Bars”

  1. King Daniel

    Now that’s what I call lowering the bar

    1. Stephen Bierce

      *plays The Limbo song on the hacked P.A. speakers*

      1. Deanatay

        “How low can you go?”

        *Billie reaches for shovel*

      2. jy3

        How many bars of it?

    2. Yet_One_More_Idiot

      But Billie asked when the BAR at Galasso’s opens, her phone said the restaurant opens at 9am. Surely the bar in the restaurant wouldn’t open until later? Ô_o

      1. Lexicon

        I work at a restaurant, can confirm bar opens when restaurant does

        1. Ana Chronistic

          but will anyone be working it

        2. AutobotDen

          Jason should be.

  2. AnvilPro

    So is Billy casually flunking all her classes but doesn’t care?

    1. Leorale

      Seems that way, yeah. May be an alcoholism/self-hate thing?

    2. BBCC

      Probably not flunking yet – they’re not at midterms yet. But doing well? that’s a stretch.

      1. C.T Phipps

        It depends on the school and class. I hated one teacher so much I never attended class, just did the homework, and aced it. He didn’t care I didn’t show up save for Midterms and Finals.

        1. BBCC

          Depending on grade distributions, it is indeed entirely possible to ace a class even without midterms and finals.

      2. Batman

        Yup one of my highest modules in uni I attended a single class and taught myself the rest.

  3. Schpoonman

    Billy, what the fuck?

    1. C.T Phipps

      Ruth kind of overshadowed the fact Billie is a hot mess, didn’t it?

      1. Arawn

        Yeah, and in another timeline Ruth sacrificed herself nobly to save a dumb-ass drunk. She deserves better in this timeline.

        1. C.T Phipps

          I agree but the irony is I’m pretty sure Billie as her endgame is not worth it because, well, Billie is not great.

        2. thejeff

          Billie is an alcoholic. More so than Ruth, I suspect.

          She definitely has her good points though. She just needs help – like the therapy she’s not going to. 🙂

        3. Schpoonman

          Agreed. Ruth likes how steadfast Billie can be, how she never takes bullshit, and will probably always love her for saving her when she was lying in bed waiting to die.

          But holy shit, Billie’s alcoholism and willingness to lie to her loved ones.

      2. Deanatay

        “Yeah, but I’m a HOT mess, so I can get away with it. I’m a cheerleader, remember.”

      3. Usayasha

        Yeah, Ruth’s self-hatred and overt self-destructiveness really had us ignoring the more casual self-sabotage that Billy participates in. It’s easy to ignore when it’s not as cinematic, especially juxtaposed with some of the other characters’ problems.

        1. Rabid Rabbit

          And, at a guess, led the hospital to overlook it too. Sure, they arranged for Billie to get therapy, but they definitely don’t seem to have cottoned on to the fact that she could really use some help, rather than it might not be a bad idea for her to.

  4. CrimsonStorm

    Geez, what is it, noon? That’s a step up/down even for Billie.

    1. Pablo360

      Walkyverse!Billie once put booze in her Cheerios®, this is sad but inevitable

    2. Yumi

      Since other characters were recently seen starting to head to their 10am math class (that Billie is in as well), I’m going to guess it’s about…10am.

    3. shadowcell

      that just means it’s 5pm in Belfast, and by God, if it’s time for the Irish to start drinking, it’s time for us to start drinking too

      1. Emily

        Are you implying that the Irish only start drinking at 5 pm?

        1. Dark

          Where do you think the phrase “It’s 5 o’clock somewhere” came from?

        2. Betty Anne

          For real. I realized I had a problem when I was drinking schnapps at 10:30 AM, my sister-in-law called me out on it, and I replied, “It’s 5 o’clock somewhere.”

          Sobering up was the best thing I did with my life. Five years without a drink, and even though I missed it this week (HUUUUUGE sale on Mike’s Hard Lemonade at the local grocery, and it looked SOOOOOOOOO GOOOOD), I’m better off for it.

        3. lightsabermario

          For me, drinking at 6-9 AM isn’t problem drinking, it’s a nightcap. With my job, I regularly get home around 5 or 6 AM, later if my friends and I stay out playing Magic after work. That’s really the only sensible time for me to drink on my work days/nights/morningafters. In all honesty, the system of bars opening at 5 PM and closing at 2 AM is pretty discriminatory against 3rd shift workers. I know it’s to impose order so drunken revelry doesn’t go on all night, but would it be too much to ask to have a bar open during morning hours, but only for 3rd shift workers, so we get to unwind and socialize too?

  5. shadowcell

    as long as you’re happy, any hour is happy hour

    1. Yossarianduck

      With Billie, happiness has nothing to do with it.

  6. Yumi

    With the arm/hand positions in the last two panels, my first impression was that she had just casually thrown her phone on the ground.

    1. sdrainbow

      I did a double-take myself.

      1. Doctor_Who

        Backup phones! Like Mark Beaks!

        1. vlademir1

          I just literally physically clapped my hands at that reference 😀

  7. DailyBrad

    Do you suppose Jason’s on duty? Or do you think he’s still reporting to the college, given he doesn’t know if he’s formally fired yet?

    1. Doctor_Who

      Her encountering Jason there is guaranteed. I mean, how could she possibly not? The laws of comedy demand it.

      Jason’s not even supposed to be working today, he’s at home in his PJs, brushing his teeth, when suddenly there’s a poof and he’s behind the bar, toothbrush still in mouth, staring at Billie.

      He’s still got the bowtie, though. Wasn’t easy finding pajamas that come with one, but he went that extra mile.

    2. Leorale

      Jason will totally be on duty.
      They’re both missing the same calculus class.

      1. JessWitt

        I’m so looking forward to their meetup.

      2. Unusually Angry Hippie

        And he’s the most junior bartender, so they’s definitely going to make him open.

  8. Irredentist

    Wait but what time is it?

    1. Pablo360

      Walky: “Adventure time!”
      Billie: “Miller time!”

      1. Doctor_Who

        Doc Brown: “Great Scott!…Howdy Doody time!“

    2. Some Random Name

      Tool time?
      But seriously, morning classes usually start at 8, but if she “has a class in the morning”, that could be anywhere from 8-10. Probably more of a 10:00 class.

      1. Pat

        8 is too early for a class. 8 am classes should be banned.

        1. Needfuldoer

          [Laughs in shift worker] 8 AM is too early? Half the day is gone!

    3. Yumi

      Based on other characters gathering to walk to their 10am math class, probably around 10am still.

    4. C.T Phipps

      “Clobbering Time!”

  9. Passchendaele

    The fates have decided

    Billie should get drunk

    or something

    1. Marsh Maryrose

      Like Billie doesn’t already know off the top of her head what time every bar Bloomington opens.

      Well, every bar that she already knows doesn’t examine her fake ID too closely.

  10. StClair

    Billie no

  11. Harvest Time

    Dammit Billie, this shit is worrying

    1. C.T Phipps

      She’s pretty and rich. What’s the worst that could happen to her in life?

      1. Inahc

        >.<

        1. Reltzik

          No, Inahc, what you’re thinking of isn’t actually the worst that could happen.

  12. Larkle

    But it didn’t even say the bar was open just the pizza place the bar might not open until later. Billie.

    1. Bagge

      CLOSE ENOUGH

    2. Keulen

      As long as he has someone to bartend I doubt Galasso would bother to have different hours for the bar than the rest of his restaurant.

    3. Deanatay

      I’m sure she can bully someone (Jason) into giving her a drink.

      1. thejeff

        Though Jason knows she’s not legal.

        1. Reltzik

          Does he? He might recognize her from Calculus class, but that won’t tell him whether she’s a Freshman or a Senior, or whether she’s a non-traditional student who started college at 21. (Obviously she doesn’t LOOK 21, but that’s not knowledge that’s special to Jason.)

        2. thejeff

          I suppose. It’s enough for a little extra scrutiny though.

        3. Unusually Angry Hippie

          Billie probably looks 21. Honestly, I’ve never been able to distinguish between 18-19 year olds and 20-somethings, there are 18-year-old dudes with full beards and 25-year-old women who don’t look anywhere near legal.

  13. newllend(henryvolt)

    “Sigh” Billie needs to try harder, she needs to try harder in a lot of things she’s failing at.

    1. C.T Phipps

      I think to try harder you have to try.

  14. BBCC

    Oh, honey. This is going to be a very rough road for her.

    1. C.T Phipps

      It depends as she’s entirely the kind of person to get a job working for the next Desanto-esque candidate and become a newscaster on Fox.

      1. JessWitt

        Add blonde hair dye and she’s a sure-in commentator.

  15. Bobcat2022

    Is this the first mention of Zoomer as a dumbiverse personal digital assistant phone AI Siri thing?

    1. DanLovatClark

      No; Carla’s phone is a Zoomer if I recall correctly. (By Ruttech, naturally.)

  16. Bagge

    Things were easier for Billie when they were more life-and-deathy

  17. Goki

    “Does my best Ian Mckellen impression acting like Magneto”: You NEVER learn….

    1. Deanatay

      Venkman: Ray, pretend for a moment that I know nothing about paraphysics –
      Ray: *sigh* You NEVER studied.

  18. C.T Phipps

    I’d like to see the character who Billie dated (or at least slept with) who recognized she was a nonfunctional dangerous alcoholic again. Did she have a name?

    1. Yumi

      Alice

      1. C.T Phipps

        I’d like to see Alice again. Joyce and her can become besties and not be aware they’re dating!

    2. Yossarianduck

      Wait, is this a bonus strip?

      1. BBCC

        No, this was a while ago. The same storyline she and Ruth got together. Up All Night to get Vengeance iirc.

        1. BBCC

          * It was The Whiteboard Ding Dong Bandit. My bad.

    3. Reltzik

      Ruth.

      …..

      …..and also Alice.

      1. C.T Phipps

        http://www.dumbingofage.com/2014/comic/book-4/04-the-whiteboard-dong-bandit/dramahurricane/

        I have the funny idea she goes to Forrest and will be horrified all of the people there love her.

  19. ninja_jesus

    Come on, Billie. Don’t do this!

  20. Inahc

    I’ve been this way about books lately. I’m avoiding *something*, but to know what it is I’d have to stop avoiding it 😛

  21. ninja_jesus

    OH WAIT GALAZZO’S WON’T SELL HER ALCOHOL BECAUSE JASON KNOWS SHE’S A MINOR I think I mean I don’t know like he gave Walky alcohol so who knows

    1. pjeseb

      Jason gave Walky alcohol when his job was effectively doomed and he had nothing to lose. And also because Walky was his friend.

      Now that he has a brand-new job and he’s no longer in danger of being deported, I doubt he’ll do anything that might screw it up.

  22. pjeseb

    *plays “It’s Five O’clock Somewhere” on the hacked Muzak*

  23. Reltzik

    Billie is SO obviously a freshman.

    ….. I mean, she hasn’t learned yet that booze and classes aren’t mutually exclusive.

    1. Tawdry Quirks

      ^^^ THIS.

      A friend of a guy I dated liked to tell me about how he swore he did better at linear algebra when he showed up to class drunk. And he then brought out his notebook for that class to show me how tidy his notes were. And his matrices were indeed impressively tidy…almost to the standard of my sober math notes.

      Of course, this guy was also insistent that I’d be amazing at linear algebra because of my ability to knit complex things. He had a really weird obsession with that particular branch of mathematics. I think he was trying to tell me that whenever I finally go back to college for a CS degree, I should take linear algebra drunk.

    2. thejeff

      It’s tricky though – once you go down that path, you’re stuck with it. Go to class drunk, study drunk and you’ll forget it all when you’re sober. 🙂

      1. Reltzik

        Forget it all when you’re…. what?

        You used…. a word… thing… there. What was it?

  24. JessWitt

    So Zoomer is a Walkyverse thing, correct?

    1. Regalli

      Short answer: kinda. Long answer: Back in the Walkyverse when Carla was the actual car Ultra-Car, Joe made a line of super-intelligent cars after UC called Zoomers based off UC. (Who then proceeded to have a minor existential crisis. Also, Joe invented Ultra Car in that universe.) During the transition, because Carla had to be extensively reworked to even appear while her old parents were in college, Zoomer became a Smartphone brand. (Which is also more realistic than the hyper-intelligent cars.)

      1. JessWitt

        Neat, thanks for the info.

  25. Bicycle Bill

    There are bars in my home town that open as early as 6:00 AM, and I used to know where most of them were.
    Of course, that was when I worked a 3rd shift job, so 7:00 AM was my 5:00 PM.

    1. Swissaboo

      There are several bars that open early mornings where I’m currently living: Most of them have some sort of breakfast+bloody mary deal so it’s pretty clear part of it is providing a service of “recover from what you did here last night” and from when I was working for city parks emptying out the public trashcans on those streets it also seems like they don’t actually do much cleanup after they close so it’s a matter of “if there’s employees in anyways, MIGHT AS WELL being willing to serve anyone who does drop by.”

  26. Regalli

    Oh, Billie. I know forcing someone into therapy when they clearly don’t want to be rarely helps, and Ruth’s not giving her a great sell, but Billie’s right behind Dorothy and (of course) Amber in the Characters I Am Extremely Worried About department.

    1. Kamino Neko

      I’d put Billie ahead of Dorothy. Dorothy’s heading for a crash, yes, but it’s a crash she has plenty of time to recover from. Billie’s crash is going to be a lot harder to recover from, and it’s quite so incipient.

      1. NotPiffany

        Also, Dorothy’s actually going to her therapy sessions.

  27. nothri

    Zoomer: Processing data. Analysis complete. Previous statements suggest you are attempting to drag zoomer into some sort of cycle of self-destruction, since the odds of finding at least one open bar are highly likely and there is a strong probability you were aware of this and your “deal” was a half-assed attempt to not feel guilty about shirking your responsibility. Zoomer says get your ass to class like you know you should and never use Zoomer again to play mindgames on yourself. Zoomer feels dirty being a party to this madness.

  28. stoodmuffin

    Billie, drinking before 9 am on non special occasions.

    I mean I know you have a problem, but if WE didn’t before.

    Actually no we still knew before, too.

  29. Hoodiecrow

    Billieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

  30. BlackoutCreature

    Screw the booze, I want a 9AM pizza. I live in NYC and I don’t think I’ve ever seen a pizza place open that early.

    1. DSL

      In college, 9 a.m. pizza is whatever’s left in the box in the fridge after the previous night. Cold Pizza (TM): Breakfast of College Students.

      1. nightshade

        here where I live all the pizza places open at 10 am so they can sell lunch to the office workers some even run specials from 10:30 to 2 pm …

    2. Kamino Neko

      Same…and closing later…I keep weird hours, so it occasionally makes it hard to get pizza. >_>

    3. Khno

      don’t you have those pizz’o-mats?

  31. BenRG

    So, I’m figuring that Billie, Dorothy, Joyce and Amber are all heading towards different kinds of crashes.

    Bloody hell, this is a depressing comic, isn’t it? Sometimes I wonder why I bother reading it; it’s only my hope that the nicer characters will have happy endings that keeps me turning up some weeks!

    1. No Name

      It’s not a webcomic, it’s a webtragic.

    2. BBCC

      The good news is that there’s (most likely) a light at the end of those tunnels. They’ll figure out healthier ways to deal with it and then grow as people.

      I hope, anyways.

    3. Schpoonman

      How-so with Joyce? You think the situation with Jacob is going to have repercussions for everyone involved.

      1. BBCC

        Also her issues with boundaries will probably come to a head at some point.

  32. CapedLuigisYoshi

    Billie, no. You’re forgetting the “(and subs)” part of the name!

  33. OnyxIdol

    Jfc Billie

  34. Arianod

    Makes perfect sense.

  35. chris73

    Yeah Billie that’ll show your dad

  36. Eldritch Gentleman

    Billie! Don’t! That’s your addiction talking!
    [Says the guy who got tempted into breaking his no-caffeine rule by chocolate cake]

    1. Schpoonman

      No self-imposed rule could ever beat out chocolate cake. My dad gets hella sick when he eats it now, and I think that’s the only thing that would stop me.

      1. Eldritch Gentleman

        That’s the problem though! The cake wasn’t even very good! I abandoned my rule for mediocre chocolate cake!
        I’m kinda sensitive to caffeine so I tried to completely cut it out but maybe it was just the amount I was consuming? For now I’ll try to limit myself to small amounts of chocolate.

        1. Roborat

          There is enough caffeine in chocolate to cause you problems? I didn’t know it had enough to be significant. Can’t you find chocolate with less caffeine, and get your chocolatey fix that way?

  37. Kensou

    From a self-hate/avoidance point of view, in this strip Billie reminds me of me so much that it hurts.

    1. BigDogLittleCat

      I hope you’re in a better place now.

      1. Kensou

        Some days, at least. Thank you for your concern.

  38. Yarrr

    Not a joke is it? Poor Billie

  39. DarkoNeko

    Billie…

    1. Danni

      heres hoping jason wont give her any alcohol

  40. nobodybasically

    I like to imagine that Billie purchases her personal digital assistants the same way she does her audio recorders, and she’s actually talking to an old Tandy Zoomer PDA.

  41. Ainara

    Pretty depressing how we went from “wow, Ruth really needs to work on her issues if she wants her relationship with Billie to work” to “wow, Billie really needs to work on her issues if she wants her relationship with Ruth to work”

    1. CJ

      If she wants to live, I’d say.

      1. Ainara

        Pssht. Secondary.

        (Jokes)

  42. Buli-Buli

    Okay. As someone whose cousin routinely drank himself to the point of organ failure, WTF Billie?

    I mean she’s been getting plastered the entire comic, but not the point of avoiding all other activities.

    So yeah. Billie has somehow beaten Amber out for “character most likely to cause their own death” in my book.

  43. Okamiking

    BillI be like,
    “No hopes and no dreams I’m useless
    No cares and no fears I’m useless
    No hopes and no dreams I’m useless
    I’m useless ‘cuz I’m ruth-less!”

    Tre-dot, Ruthless.

    Appropriate bars

  44. abysswatcher1993

    Billie, you lazzy *$$^*+@! Seriously, you are giving an example of why this comic id Dumbing of Age. It’s not because of Joyce losing her innocence slowly, or Dorothy realizing how hard it’s to prepare at college, or Walky realizing he can’t wing out stuff, or Amber dealing with mental heakth problems. It’s because you and other characters are wasting their youth in hedonism and stuff that makes conservatives mock us millenials.

    1. thejeff

      Because she’s a self-loathing alcoholic? Likely driven by her emotionally absent and neglectful, but rich, parents?

      I’m not sure I follow.

    2. Fart Captor

      Joyce hasn’t been “losing her innocence”, she’s been casting off the bigotry and ignorance that was drilled into her by her upbringing, and becoming a better, and more complete person

      Though “not behaving like exactly the kind of repressed bigots WE are” certainly IS one reason conservatives mock millennials. Which is why nobody should give a damn what they think.

      1. abysswatcher1993

        The lost of innocence isn’t always a bad thing. I Joyce’s case it’s good because she is learning about social responsibility, to love people unconditionally, to question her parents and authorities, etc. Joyce is no longer “innocent” since she fights back oppression, and she is starting to reveal what she likes. Kids are innocent because they start without knowledge of the world and following blindly what adults say. She is now an adult that takes her own decisions, even wrong ones (like the toilet one).

        Also, I agree that conservatives see millennials as inferior for not being openly bigots, but it doesn’t help the hedonistic behaviors of some party animals from privileged families ruin cultural perception.

        1. Fart Captor

          Being respected by conservatives is not a thing of value. They’ll judge an entire generation based on whichever examples anger the most. There’s no point trying to please them, because they’ll always find SOMETHING.

          Like, Billie’s drinking is getting out of hand, and she really needs to learn some healthy coping skills, but “conservatives will wag their fingers and scoff at millennials for being lazy and immoral” is the absolute LAST reason why. It’s unhealthy FOR BILLIE, and will put strain on her relationship with Ruth. The political movement that’s totally okay with 1500 missing kids and over 5,000 dead in Puerto Rico has no right whatsoever to pretend it’s some sort of moral authority

    3. Deadjolras

      And I dislike conservatives for their astounding lack of empathy, which they would surely display if they look at Billie and see a “hedonistic party animal” instead of a self-loathing, self-sabotaging alcoholic who desperately needs help.

      1. thejeff

        Though from outside it’s an easy mistake to make. It’s not far from how Sarah took her at the start of the year.

        Holding that opinion after reading this far in the comic though …

    4. BigDogLittleCat

      Conservative scorn for young people is hardly reserved for the Millennial generation. Conservatives have always distrusted young adults because they fear the youths who think for themselves and can’t be ordered about like children. They fear that bright young minds will see through their bullsh!t and not fall into step and be cooperative bricks in their wall.

      Conservatives might mock your generation, but they are terrified of you. Young people haven’t presented such an existential threat to their world view since the hippies blew up the 60s.

      1. chris73

        Pretty certain that’s what they said about kids in the 50s, 30s and 20s and probably every preceding decade

        1. thejeff

          There’s always been a “kids these days, we were never like that” attitude from older generations, but the specific conservative vs liberal kids thing hasn’t been quite so consistent.

        2. chris73

          Possibly but then every generation also likes to believe that its the most political, the most active, the smartest, the best

        3. Roborat

          There is 2000 year old Greek graffiti saying the same thing about youth.

    5. Inahc

      there is no amount of perfect you can be that will stop older generations from looking down on younger generations.

  45. PB

    Dammit Billie.

  46. Cmd1095

    Dang it I knew Billie would relapse after getting the cheerleader adoration from her new dorm.

    1. thejeff

      What relapse? This is Billie. We’ve no reason to think she ever stopped.

    2. Kamino Neko

      You can’t relapse if you’ve never gotten clean.

      (Insert head tapping meme here.)

      1. abysswatcher1993

        Billie can only change after hitting bottom, and she has learned how to not reach the bottom and continue being irresponsible.

        1. thejeff

          The “can only change after hitting bottom” thing is bullshit. Plenty change without hitting bottom. Plenty hit bottom and never recover.
          It’s common in fiction because it makes good drama and may happen to Billie for that reason, but it’s got nothing to do with reality.

        2. Inahc

          I’m not sure about that. The better you are at avoidance, the harder it is to change without hitting *something*. it’s really tempting to just keep avoiding the problem a little longer, and if you’re really attached to that avoidance, you might actually not be able to stop avoiding until you’re forced to.

          There’s certainly been plenty of that in *my* life. :/ Although my brain seems to also be good at manufacturing a false ‘bottom’ slightly above any permanent damage. Most of the time.

        3. Inahc

          speaking of permanent damage… turns out my migraine isn’t so permanent after all! 😀 ha! I’ve still got awful muscle problems, and stupidly limited spoons, but my ability to think is still slowly improving, and I’ve been completely off painkillers for… over a month, I think. 🙂

  47. JepMZ

    Well…… at leaat she’ll finally meet him

  48. chris73

    Well hopefully since Ruth sees whats happening she’ll but Billie loose

  49. zoomer296

    Huh. Interesting name.

  50. plasticwrap

    I think Billie’s an alcoholic. Yeah. She’s going to destroy her life if she doesn’t get help soon.

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