197

Gash face
Posted on September 17, 2014 by David M Willis

197 thoughts on “Gash face”

  1. Jen Aside

    “–and I know this girl who flips tables and beats up parents at McDonalds”

    1. nothri

      This one girl declared herself poison and then slept with her RA.

      1. Catullus

        “And another one of ’em is totally screwing the calculus TA. But you didn’t hear that from me.”

        1. Blackbird

          “And I know a guy who had a gay fantasy about your boyfriend, but then the guy went home and banged Ethan’s ex, so… wait. GODDAMMIT, NOT AGAIN!!! I EVEN ASKED YOU DANNY! I ASKED!!!”

        2. Wack'd

          And there’s a girl with a crown and a scepter who’s on WLSD. And she says that the scene isn’t what it’s been, and she’s thinking of going home. That it’s old and it’s totally over now, and it’s old and it’s over, it’s over now, and it’s over, it’s over, it’s over now.

          I can see myself…

          AT THE END OF THE TOUR

        3. Jen Aside

          or the time when the storm tangled up the wire to the horn on the pole at the bus depot, and in back of the edge of hearing these are the words that the voice was repeating:

          When I was driving once I saw this painted on a bridge: “I don’t want the world, I just want your half”

        4. rachel

          did you ever see the comic “your half” based on those lyrics? it was pretty good – the guy who wrote it ALSO wrote a really ill-advised (imo) porn-ish-y comic called third wish, BUUUUUT “your half” was awesome.

        5. TheZachariah

          Doctor Evil: Remember when I said ‘We’re not so different, you and I’?
          Cuts back to the first film, with Austin aiming his gun at Doctor Evil.
          Doctor Evil: We’re not so different, you and I.
          Flashback ends.
          Doctor Evil: See? I did say that.
          Austin: Yes, very nice.

        6. Jen Aside

          I miss TPC. Too bad all I can find anymore is the one “advance chapter” of Your Half.

        7. Tsa

          Man I was JUST thinking about Your Half and Third Wish last night! I miss that guy too.

        8. lipstick_suckerpunch

          They Might Be Giants was almost all I listened to growing up. Now I’m going to be playing them all day at work! Thanks do for the trip down memory lane!

        9. TheCerpent

          Every part of this conversation thread made me happy.

      2. Cheryl

        Or curb stomping your father

        1. Jarawara

          For a nickle?

        2. Bill M.

          No, curbstomps are a dime.

    2. C2

      Mmmmm mmmmm.

  2. MrSirk

    No other options. Now Joyce has to put the smackdown on somebody.

    1. Mattyos

      only after she tries some of amazi-girl’s strudel

      1. Dean

        I’ve never heard anyone call it that before…

    2. Jess

      Didn’t Joyce already fight Joe?

      1. Spaz

        the word “fight” implies that there were two sides to that beatdown.

  3. Doctor_Who

    This is a sidekick opportunity if ever there was one.

    1. Fernando

      What was it people used to call Joyce’s sidekick alias? Righteous Gal?

      1. -Sentinel-

        Fundie Girl?

        One thing is sure, she won’t have a chest window.

        1. Hank

          No chest window? Hell, she’d cover it in lead somehow.

        2. Robert

          Futanaria-anna?

        3. lightsabermario

          Huh? I don’t get it. This is one of those things I really shouldn’t google, isn’t it?

        4. Rheinman

          Probably not. Just have the Brain Bleach(TM) handy.

        5. Opus the Poet

          Hey, what’s wrong with a little futa? You got something against gus with breasts? 😉

        6. das-g

          moobs ≠ futa

        7. Deanatay

          Her chest window would be filled with stained glass.

        8. Jerden

          You know when you think of a joke, but someone else has already posted the exact same comment?

        9. Kaoy

          And then you realize that it sounds more like a more plausible idea when coming out of someone else’s mouth?

          I think I know what you are getting at.

      2. Doctor_Who

        Re-Joyce.

        1. derf

          Nice.

          I was thinking the Dingdong Avenger, with her trusty pair of 10″ silicone “batons”, Hanky and Panky.

        2. Jen Aside

          There’s a third one called “Pre-marital” but you can’t see where it is

        3. derf

          Obviously she must be keeping it in her chastutility belt.

        4. Opus the Poet

          That was so bad it looped back around and became campy/funny.

        5. LeslieBean4Shizzle

          **slow clap**

          I approve this side-kick concept.

        6. The_Bionic_Doctor

          +1!

        7. Jen Aside

          ahahahaha

      3. John

        The Bible Thumper?

        1. John

          (I’m not sure Clever Girl and the Bible Thumper would both survive being on the same super-team, though.)

        2. Doctor_Who

          Nono, Dina is the villain here. With her amazing infiltration abilities, she can get anywhere, and secretly replace bibles with copies of The Origin of Species.

        3. neeks

          Bible-Thumper, I love it! Her costume is a bunny costume with a large white cross on the front. Her weapon of choice is dual-wielded brass knuckles spelling out “Jesus” and “Saves”.

        4. Leorale

          She has utility pouches, too, on her Bible Belt.

        5. TheZachariah

          /\

          Hell yes.

        6. Jen Aside

          Don’t forget the Collection Plate Mail

        7. neeks

          Or maybe a collection plate as a shield, a la captain America.

        8. Amazistool

          Brian Daniel (the inventor of Amazi-Stool) also introduced Bible Belt!

        9. DSL

          It would be a triad, like Kirk/Spock/McCoy. A-G is the captain, drawing strength to lead from the balancing of his good and dark sides. Clever Girl and Bible Thumper are her opposing advisors, like Spock and McCoy — except the conflict is logic vs. faith, instead of logic vs. emotion. And Bible Thumper now has an internal conflict of her own …

        10. derf

          I know she’s not Catholic, but that one reminded me of the Nundertaker 🙂

        11. Brady

          I approve of this, if her costume resembles Thumper the rabbit from Bambi.

      4. Gangler

        Amazi-Girl still works. “Amazi” is a pretty nonspecific descriptor, so it should still accurately describe Joyce, and there’s not really enough of an age difference to warrant a girl/woman situation.

      5. Cephalo the Pod

        I was thinking Fundie Mental.

        Not that she’s psychotic. She just has psychic powers.

    2. LeslieBean4Shizzle

      Suddenly I’m picturing Joyce in the original blue-with-yellow costume and the corn-popper.

      1. neeks

        Amazi-Joyce is immune to criticism because something something Jesus something?

    3. Plasma Mongoose

      Dina would make a better sidekick than Joyce anyway.

      1. Opus the Poet

        And PM has changed his avatar, so it must be time to change my socks… 🙂

    4. Kaoy

      You are all missing the most obvious choice: Amazing Joyce.

      How sweet the Pound.

  4. Leorale

    This is rather touching. Go Amazi-Girl, go.

  5. boomwolf

    Yaaaaay bonding

  6. Emperor Kiva

    Poor Joyce

    1. Keroshino

      Agreed! 🙁

  7. Stephanie

    Awwwwww 🙂 Also Joyce and Amber need to get some counseling to help them work through their trauma and problems.

  8. GoogerGeiger

    Based on the dialogue, I was kinda hoping the title of this comic would be Door-peener.

  9. Benjy

    Earlier today I was watching Serenity, and at the scene where Jayne says something like “They all died for no reason!”, I reflexively shouted at the screen “DAMN YOU, WILLIS!” before realizing I got my W names mixed up. Then I figured, eh, I’m just preparing for tonight. Except now I can’t. So, uh, bless you, Willis?!

    1. pyrophobia

      +1.

    2. Ben

      favorite reply.

    3. Lume

      XD

  10. newllend

    Two sides of the same coin, Also I think Amazi-girl is giving her to much information.

    1. Cephalo the Pod

      I’m just waiting for them to hug and for Joyce go “thanks, Amber”.

  11. MM

    “Well, there’s always banging your boyfri–um, yeah, I’ll keep you posted.”

  12. Lonas

    Sidekick time! The Fantastic Duo of Amazi-Girl and TRUFAN!

  13. Kernanator

    …Is this a lead-in to Joyce becoming Amazi-Girl’s sidekick?

    1. Kennerly

      She could be called Righteous Lass!

      1. Deanatay

        Best suggestion so far: The Bible Thumper. The comment chain about her belt is hilarious.

  14. Yotomoe

    Sometimes you hit rock bottom and end up fucking Danny. Don’t let it get to that point, Joyce.

    1. newllend

      Could be worse, you could of lost the love of your life to Walky.

    2. Calvin Coolage

      By the time you sex Danny, you’ve gone past rock bottom and are at the center of the earth.

      1. Shaggy_Donahugh

        It’s better than falling in love with Faz, by that point you’re in the center of a black hole.

        1. Catullus

          But this graph demonstrates that, as time advances, the number of women attracted to Faz will approach 100%

  15. Van Jealous

    Yah know, after 4-years of reading this bleedin’ comic, I really can’t look at a Ball Peen hammer any more without giggling…….
    :/

    1. Spaz

      As it should be.

  16. newllend

    So do Amber and Joyce make amends or did Joyce and Amazi-girl make amends…oh wait that’s right it doesn’t matter anymore at this point.

  17. Godozo

    …and out comes the confession…

    “The answer that satisfied” is indeed “The answer that was true.”

  18. Van Jealous

    And for that matter, I can’t look at an Orange Claw Hammer anymore without a mad desire to listen to “Trout Mask Replica” by Captain Beefheart and The Magic Band all the way through…

  19. Idon'tcarenomore

    Dorothy is already her sidekick. But nothing like having friends. AG is opening up and talking. Good.
    So is Joyce sort of, it’s a start.
    Yup, both of ’em, eyes as big as pie plates.

    1. Benjy

      Dorothy is the Lois Lane to Amazi-girl’s Superman. Close, confidante, arguably partner, but not really sidekick. Joyce could totally fill the kid sidekick role.

      1. rachel

        just wanting in on this amber comment train

      2. Gangler

        The Commissioner Gordon to her Batman would also work, for all the same reasons, and also Amber’s now trusting Dorothy with the Bat-Signal.

        1. Spaz

          And of course, Danny is Jimmy Olsen.

    2. Wack'd

      Amazi-Girl’s Pal, Dorothy Keener

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        And thus Amazi-Girl and Joyce discover that they are both ‘Friends of Dorothy’.

    3. newllend

      What about Dina I thought she was going to be her sidekick… Eh batman had more than one Robin so why Can’t Amazi-girl have more than one partner.

      1. Benjy

        Plus, Batman had Robins and Batgirls concurrently.

  20. JessWitt

    I’ll refer to Ryan as Ol’ Gash Face from now on.

    1. Wack'd

      Turns out his last name is Olgashface.

      1. neeks

        Ryan O’Gashface, for an Irish spin on it.

        1. Opus the Poet

          Ryan is an Irish first name, isn’t it?

        2. neeks

          Yeah, guess I should have specified that it was an additionally Irish spin.

        3. chris73

          Conor MaCgashface of the clan Macgashface!

        4. Shaggy_Donahugh

          I read this in Sean Connery’s voice.

        5. Kamino Neko

          Which is strange, since Connery played a Spaniard in that canon.

        6. Mc

          Which was pointed out in the comments at LICD today as well… weird.

        7. vlademir1

          Technically he played an Egyption. He’d been in Spain maybe a couple generations at most when he went to Scottland.

        8. Kamino Neko

          True enough.

    2. Undrave

      He could be Amazi-Girl’s new arch nemesis, now that she has vanquished the goddamned Whiteboard Dingdong Bandit!

  21. Plasma Mongoose

    So does that mean that Sal is to Amber what Ryan is to Joyce?

    1. newllend

      Ya but there’s a difference between character though Sal is at least sorry for what she did…or at least we think she is.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        It depends on whenever she is sorry for committing the crime or sorry she got stabbed and busted for it.

        1. timemonkey

          Getting busted was kind of the point. She did it as a cry for attention.

      2. The_Bionic_Doctor

        Also, there is little to no chance that Sal will start robbing convenience stores ever again or taking hostages any time soon. Gashface, on the other hand, will probably start again with other girls, and has also probably already succeeded in the past.

        1. Koms

          Amber needs to forgive Sal..we would know wouldn’t we? (Nudge Nudge)

  22. newllend

    I’m not going to lie the second option sounds fun, tell me you never wanted to beat the shit out of the guy who keeps letting his dog shit on you lawn and then never picks it up.

    1. Jen Aside

      Nah, because then there’s more shit to pick up if you beat it out of somebody

  23. Opus the Poet

    AG is at least acknowledging what we see as the red panels being triggers. I see that as a positive development.

  24. Catullus

    “Of course there are other options! You can… uh… beat up your dad at McDonalds? I mean— not your own dad. Someone else’s dad. And also it wasn’t me who did this, because that was super illegal. But he was a total— you know what, ignore these past few sentences, they’re a bit of a mess.”

    “Another thing we have in common!“

    1. The_Bionic_Doctor

      Yes! Amazigirl and bible thumper perform a beating of Blain!

  25. neeks

    Slick of amazi-girl to keep the people who know how to reach her to a minimum. Besides, as ethan’s close friend (and now possibly reconciling herself to the co-bearding because of Joyce’s angle of things), Amber would potentially be spending time with and/or exchanging contact info with Joyce and it’d be a pretty big hint if Amber and AG had the same phone number.

  26. spriteless

    Calling it now- this whole arc was so we remember who gashface was after years/days of lying low. And to say dingdong bandit.

  27. LeslieBean4Shizzle

    Does Joyce look suddenly 30 to anyone else?

    That isn’t a complaint – I’ve had days like that too.

    1. neeks

      Stress will do that. Grays your hair and adds “age lines” to your face, that kind of thing.

  28. Hannah

    “Nope, it’s just one or the other I’m afraid. Drawing door penises and kicking neighbour butt in a parking lot are the best cures for every woe. It’s been proven by science.”

    1. Loki

      Good thing Joyce doesn’t believe in science, then!

    2. DSL

      … but you can totally draw dongs on your foes faces after you curbstomp them unconscious.

  29. rachel

    WE CAN SHIP IT

    ok not rly rly but.. a little.

  30. The E-man

    I can’t stop laughing at the last panel.

    “please tell me there are other options”
    “nope joyce grab yourself a baseball bat let’s head to walmart”

  31. Scrutinizer

    Amazi-Girl should totally teach Joyce self-defense. Willis could even give her a training montage.

    1. gwalla

      ♪ You’re the best!
      Around!
      Nothing’s gonna ever keep you down       ♫

      1. Koms

        She’s gonna be the very best..like no one ever was…to catch Ryan is her real test..to beat the crap out of him is her cause..

        1. Jen Aside

          “A-MAZE! The BEST a girl can get…♪♫”

          okay maybe not

  32. Regalli

    … Hug now? *Hopeful face*

  33. timemonkey

    Anouther little thing I thought of, not only is Joyce never alone but she only allows herself to stay near guys she feels absolutely safe around. Ethan is her boyfriend/gay, Walky is Dorothy’s boyfriend/dislikes her so would never touch her. Jacob is a nice guy who rooms with Ethan who she thinks would eb good for Sarah. To contrast she’s snapped at Joe every time the two have been near each other.

    1. gigafreak

      http://www.dumbingofage.com/2011/comic/book-1/03-men-are-from-beck-women-are-from-clark/olives/
      http://www.dumbingofage.com/2012/comic/book-2/01-pajama-jeans/touch/
      The funny thing is that Joe is historically the less safe of the two whenever they are in the same room.

      And yet she continues to put up with him, judging by the surprising number of hits when you search for pages tagged “joe+joyce.” Probably echoing the good old dynamic of eternal comedic conflict they had back in the Walkyverse.

      1. timemonkey

        They share a class, interaction is inevitable.

  34. OnyxIdol

    Ok, now after having read AG’s text in the first panel I’m sure that one day there will actually be a reckoning with Old Gashface, then to be renamed Old Curbstombedface.

    1. OnyxIdol

      On second thought, let’s hope he actually doesn’t get curbstomped, because that will just be ugly for everyone involved.

      1. Cybersnark

        What if the curbstomping involves Amazi-girl and Sal teaming up (with Joyce watching, thus gaining a new hero)?

        1. gwalla

          I think the point there is that curbstomping is a particular kind of homicide.

        2. OnyxIdol

          Exactly. Curbstomping is nasty.

  35. The_Bionic_Doctor

    Yay, bonding! Friendship and rainbows! Now go get some therapy you two

  36. Shadowydreamer

    Awww.. Okay, that was super cute-r-ific!

  37. Alexx

    Sorry, kid, it’s either dick drawings or Wal-Mart parking lot fights. Sometimes both at the same time. BUT NOTHING ELSE.

    1. Jen Aside

      HOW DID HUMANKIND SURVIVE BEFORE DRAWING AND WAL-MART WAS INVENTED

      *mind boggles*

      1. gka

        Walmart wasn’t invented – it has always been.

        1. Spaz

          But it can be defeated. To defeat a Walmart, you must travel deep within within its lair, to the Electronics department.

          There, you must destroy the Heart of Walmart.

        2. Sam

          Yes ,the Heart of Walmart is this mirror that says it is you! The consumer! You are what keeps it alive! But that is a lie! If you smash the mirror it shall die a painful death, and everyone will be free!

        3. vlademir1

          How could one hope to stop Walmart as a whole when it’s already everywhere (well, in the US it is). You may destroy the one store, but the company lives on and old Sam spins in his grave over some of how the company has developed.

  38. Voiddragon13

    The feels are now alleviated. And now i want to see what joyce will do with this new realization…

  39. Ben

    Th…. This is like the most rational thing I think I’ve seen in the Dumbiverse… Certainly the most rational in recent memory… hmmm….. Mike’s just off camera flipping every one the bird wearing a sandwich board that says ‘I plowed your mom for a nickel.’ isn’t he?

  40. XMinusOne

    Nothing like some mutual Amazi-therapy in the common room. Joyce could be Amazi-girl’s sidekick, the ‘Avenging Angel’ dressed all in white with a gold cross on her chest. She could smite the bad guys with her Louisville Slugger of Righteousness.

    1. gigafreak

      Her wings are a mere decorative part of her costume, but she can fly on the inside!

  41. Cypherfox

    Please tell me she just did bonding/destressing/commiserating with Joyce, entirely in the presumed-gravelly Christian Bale-esque superhero voice?!

  42. Bibulb

    ‘SA PEENER.

    1. Catullus

      Subpoena?

      1. Sam

        Nice try.

  43. Jesse

    I’d say their eyes are only saucer-sized.

    1. Roborat

      I never even noticed about the eye-size until the alt-text mentioned it, but in my defense, I read a lot of manga and watch a lot of anime, so I get used to it. After a binge session, people look funny to me, with their beady little eyes.

      1. vlademir1

        The thing is, it’s a very longstanding comic and cartoon contrivance when lots of emotion neds to be conveyed in a work. While anime and manga style gets it commented on more, it’s really a rather common stylistic convention.

  44. Crumplepunch

    And the true mystery has been solved.

    The mystery of the missing jeans.

    1. Jen Aside

      They weren’t lost, though, just on Joyce-face

  45. Gashface

    “You wanna know how I got this scar?”

  46. Anywhere

    Amazi-Girl’s Rogue Gallery: The Whiteboard Dingdong Bandit, Ol’ Gash Face, Amber’s Dad

    I’m mentally picturing potential comic book covers for all three of those and it’s fantastic.

    1. Loki

      Someone needs to draw this stat!

    2. Al Schroeder

      Let’s shorten the Whiteboard Dingdong Bandit to the Dongdoodler.

    3. gka

      That is sounding like it would be wonderfully similar to the Justice League Unlimited episode where Batman and Orion follow around the Flash for a day.

  47. Björn

    “We’re not so different, you and I…”
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GH0YPXb49q0

  48. Earlofthercs

    I love how half of this entire serious and emotional conversation is being done in a put on super-hero dark avenger voice.

  49. Charles

    OK, somebody help me. What page is this based on. Remind me who is Ryan, and when did he show up?

    1. gigafreak

      http://www.dumbingofage.com/tag/ryan/
      A whole storyline. Joyce follows her BFF Dorothy to a party. Joyce is targeted by a rapist and drugged, but is rescued before he can do anything further than that. Amazi-girl coincidentally was fighting some unrelated bullies elsewhere in the same building, and when she dropped by to see what the fuss was about surrounding Joyce, the rapist escaped in the noise– right under Amazi-girl’s nose, as he was at the edge of her field of vision until then.

  50. Slinx

    Hey, do you know what *else* is an option? Getting help. Parading around as Re-Joyce will bring you closer to becoming Mary, and no one likes Mary.

  51. Al Schroeder

    “I’ll keep you posted.” Good answer.

  52. hof1991

    I picture Dina as going over to the Dark Side. Vigilante justice and functional invisibility don’t mix well, at least according to Strong Female Protagonist.

    But AG does have her Lois Lane and Jimmy Olsen (she sleeps with one of them) but still needs a sidekick, unless Mike is auditioning for the job.

  53. Gravatarnator

    Maybe Joyce can become Amazigirl’s sidekick? Good-Girl.

    1. Spaz

      Just know that when Good-Girl inevitable goes dark for a while, the name “Bad Good Girl” is alreaqdy taken.

      http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Webcomic/LeagueOfSuperRedundantHeroes

  54. thatguysound

    If Joyce is going to be Amazigirl’s sidekick, her name has to be Funder Woman, with her chastity belt and lasso of biblical truth.

    Doubtful Joyce wears the bikini of justice, though.

    1. Spaz

      so Funder Woman’s evil twin is Doubtful Joyce? Or is that Nega-Joyce?

      ………or are Funder Woman’s evil twin actually twins themselves? Nega-Joyce and Doubtful Joyce?

  55. ailorn

    I really love the term “door-peeners”

  56. Arkadi

    …they’ll end up sharing a cell at Arkham.

    1. ninja_jesus

      As long as it’s TAS Arkham. TAS Batman is the best.

  57. isitsevenyet

    It’s encouraging to see Amber knows herself so well. It’s one of the biggest things I had to work through in order to start the healing process in my own life. I had to figure out who I was, and I had to admit to myself that I had been wronged and that no, in fact I did NOT deserve how I had been treated as a child, and that there was actually nothing intrinsically WRONG with me that made me deserve bad treatment. Amber seems to have made progress in that area already and it’s really good to see that in her.

    1. Alex

      Well, to be fair, that was a big part of her development in Shortpacked and Willis isn’t that interested in telling the same stories he did before (unlike most comic reboots). Though, it is still impressive she could do that while still in her teens.

    2. isitsevenyet

      Yeah. I suspect Ethan was a big help for that, though. Having a friend who “gets” you is a HUGE factor. I didn’t have that, really, until after I graduated high school, and it took a long time for me to be able to open up enough for anyone’s friendship to do me any good. Emotional walls are STUBBORN.

  58. S'toon

    Well, I’m gobsmacked. Joyce did it after all. I was convinced Mary was the Dingdong Bandit. She fit the profile of the all so pious holier than though Christian with suppression issues.

    1. Nightsbridge

      Joyce is the future pornlord here.

    2. timemonkey

      Mary doesn’t have suppression issues, she’s a hypocrite, she does the shit she’s supposed to repress then lies about it and judges others for it.

  59. Lord Geovanni

    Woo new arc

  60. hack

    AMAZI-GIRL: … so Joyce… mask or no mask?

  61. Tenn

    A good thing — the Dingdong Bandit’s identity is now thoroughly confirmed in-comic — and a really good thing — Joyce’s panic attack is over. It feels wrong to say that this is a happy scene, but there is at least a huge sense of relief.

  62. 0kami

    Yay, we’re bonding! 😀

  63. NaYa

    Aww, poor Joy- oh, she confessed she’s the dingdong bandit!

  64. MrBurrows

    Just making sure, but Dumbing of Age is going to end with everyone getting HPV, right? It’s like Rent, but for HPV.

  65. TheSuicidalGiraffe

    While yes there ARE other options, do you really NEED them?
    Violence or tears, in life that kinda covers everything they also can go hand in hand quite often.

  66. Marc in MN

    Maybe someday we’ll see Joyce fight a bunch of her neighbors in a Wal-Mart parking lot!

  67. toonie

    This is a friendship I never knew I wanted to happen but now want to happen soooo bad. They probably won’t end up in each other’s social circles, but I can dream…

  68. thatkaiguy

    What I love about this is that it’s a situation for a girl who feels helpless in the face of a horrible situation to see that she is not the only one who feels that way. More than that, it’s not someone she sees as a peer: it’s a hero. Someone with tons of theoretical power is capable of feeling the same way. It really shows that she isn’t weak to feel this way: she’s just a person like anyone else. Awesome strip.

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