K so my nesting partner’s grandma’s funeral was actually a jolly time and also had a really silly lady who got up in the middle of the service and started yelling about seeing a rabbit in the clouds and it was hilarious and no one could stop themselves from laughing… so I mean YMMV lol
We were sad to lose my ancient bubbe / the beloved family matriarch, and also, the major coping strategy of my whole entire family is humor. Plenty of laughter that day.
Ours was Jewish, so it wasn’t a wake, but yes, wakes can definitely be a good time.
See also: jazz funerals of New Orleans
MiaFillene
I am lucky. Irish, and Russian, and Jewish. Grandpa’s funeral was a fucking blast. I miss him all the time, but the memories, the fun, the humor he had, and the joy and laughter he brought…all that came out at his wake. Always look back at the long life loved, and smile at the good memories.
the point where people bring out the dirty jobs is not uncommon on mexican funerals, not all of them will have them but if it happens on one you are… it certainly won’t be unique
The first, last, and only technically-wake funeral I attended, the deceased’s father read a letter he had written as a child, humorously requesting a raise of allowance, definitely filled the church with laughs
When I used to go to Saint Joseph’s in Newport, the early mass was followed by donuts in the lower room. I used to joke that I was going to make up a t-shirt that read; “I’m only here for the donuts!”
I’d say turn about is fair play but it’s clear Walky’s lying…maybe. Is there a really cool grandma or grandpa Walkerton that recently passed. Maybe a terminally ill uncle?
What you must understand is that Becky exists, and therefore is awful.
Walking with a friend who’s going the same place she is, answering his questions, pointing out he might be late for a thing he allegedly wants to do? Might as well have just kicked a hundred puppies.
shrub
I’m not Becky’s biggest fan by any stretch of the imagination but I don’t see anything wrong here, in fact it’s quite refreshing
Bryy
Mike just died?
Come on. So you don’t like my comment, that’s great. Leave it at that. No reason to get aggressive.
Please note that Walky does not state that funerals are his only church experience. He states that he has been to church for funerals, and says nothing about whether he has been to church otherwise.
I think part of it is general grumpiness due to a combination of a)it being early b) him having been woken up last night/this morning, and c) him being out of his comfort zone, and Walky is someone who really doesn’t like being out of his comfort zone. Dressing up, being on time, doing something because your partner enjoys it, those all seem “mature” and “responsible” which clashes with Walky’s brand, and he has had to be a bit extra responsible lately and might be running low on spoons.
I mean still using the language and ideaology of a cult.
shrub
What language?
Zero
“Come as you are,” “be late,” and “tactic.” Very cultish and ideological.
Miri
Ummm… “Tactic” is w.r.t. to “Deflect and make people feel a bit guilty for having asked” rather than church?
Most people view trying to not being late as basic manners? (Cultural differences apply with some places typically being far more laid back about this than others, and some genuinely feeling that if you’re late you’re basically stating your time is more important than other people’s and you don’t care about inconveniencing them… But like this is how you get into “10-15 minutes early is on time for an interview” and other situations where you want to make a good impression.)
At least in the UK, “come as you are” would also be a
Miri
Silly button and tired, ill fingers (middle child brought home lurgy. She and the youngest have since recovered. Husband, eldest and me are all ill. Eldest woke me up at 5 to let me know she felt bad and couldn’t sleep… is periodically making sure I’m suffering I know she’s suffering ?)
*At least in the UK, “come as you are” would also be a standard idiom, with no religious affiliation or connotations, but we have very few independent churches (https://faithsurvey.co.uk/uk-christianity.html – apparently a few hundred thousand attendees – but with only about 5% of the overall population routinely going to church even though close to 46% of the population surveyed identified as Christian in 2021)… Apparently we’re one of the least religious countries! (Honestly, when I started reading this comic my initial reaction to Joyce telling Sarah she was a fundie was to laugh because I assumed she was joking because that would be SO unlikely over here…)
Miri
Spot the broken close tag ??♀️ sorry!
Mark
in the US “come as you are” isn’t heard so much these days, and usually said of parties, but I note that there is a church song titled “Come As You Are”. (Not the one by Nirvana.) And another that I can’t locate just now in which these words are the central theme.
thejeff
A relic of the end of the days of dressing in your “Sunday best” for church? In the transition, churches had to let people know that wasn’t expected at their church, but now that it’s not the expectation any more there’s no need.
Zero
You know I just picked some words she said at random, right? To highlight the absurdity of the initial claim that they are “cult” words?
I mean yeah. Only months after attending a funeral held at a church for a friend literally killed by another church, what does Becky expect Walky to do? Put on a happy face?
Zero
You say that like she’s dragging him along with her. It was his idea.
Not every idea Walky has is automatically fun for him. He’s agreed to this because he’s still bent on trying to cure his mom’s racism, namely via Lucy showing pff how Christian™ she is to Linda.
It isn’t. She’s trying to get Walky to see the fun in something which she thinks is but a chore to him.
As well as she means, she isn’t accounting for the role church played in his fairly recent trauma and its aftermath. These strong feelings he has towards church are something that will not go away any time soon.
Devin
Okay but NGPZ, you replied to a comment about her using the language and ideology of a cult seemingly in agreement, and I don’t see what any of this has to do with that.
Walky let Becky in on the baggage that surrounds church for him in relation to his recent trauma, only for her to invalidate his display of emotional vulnerability by deeming nothing more than a “tactic to shut down the conversation”.
It is very much a cultist habit that Becky would put who she perceived as a critic of church into a no-win position. If the critic fails to persuade her away, they lose. If they succeed at persuading, it means they must be “cheating” somehow, therefore they lose.
Here Becky is falling back on conversation patterns that feel familiar to her without even thinking about it, as per her indoctrinators’ intentions. As well as she means, I can only hope she addresses these old habits before she puts herself into a position where she can hurt herself and others.
Devin
I strongly suspect you’re reading way too far into that, and in a way that is disproportionately unkind to Becky. Walky does have a pattern of deflecting in this way, and this fits not only that pattern, but the same pattern that Becky has, thus she recognizes it.
We’ll see as this continues to develop I guess.
Devin
Also Walky isn’t just a perceived critic, he’s an actual critic, and in a way that isn’t actually all that reasonable. “Come as you are so long as it’s on time” is a pretty reasonable expectation for almost anything, including their classes. And he’s being a little snide about it because he dressed up more than he technically had to.
Becky’s starting assumption that he had any experience at all with going to church was faulty (whether or not he actually had) but not unreasonable given her life experience. And Walky’s invocation of funerals was absolutely a deflection. Note that it didn’t actually address the reason behind the question. If this was an attempt to open up, it was a pretty inappropriate one. He absolutely said it in a way that is true while being an emotional cudgel.
I’m not saying that Walky’s being a terrible person here, he’s just grumpy because he’s dressed more formally than fits his maximum comfort level and he was woken up abruptly, too early, and frankly rudely. Putting so much wrong on Becky here is off base.
thejeff
And given that Walky leans deeper into the tactic with the “you’ve opened a wound” and the donuts, I’d say she’s right on the money.
Walky’s deflecting and she recognizes it, because it’s a thing she does too.
Becky’s indoctrinators are really the ones in the wrong here, not Becky herself. She is using tools from her social toolbox that she knows just work, and it really isn’t her fault that she was never given any outside of that which were intended to evangelize, recruit and marginalize other people in favor of her church — tools that were designed to make that process so subtle and smooth that much of the time ordinary people don’t even realize that it’s happening, let alone Becky herself.
Indoctrination can be a sly, tough beast to combat, hence Dina’s patience and effort in breaking those chains on her girlfriend’s behalf. Dina knows that Becky was never given any room for growth for much of her life, and that she’s willing to reform socially and intellectually if just given the time and place to do so.
Walky is but Becky’s friend, and as far as I can tell he’s not really obliged to have that level of patience or forgiveness here, especially given he’s got his own baggage he’s gonna confront where he’s heading.
Either way, like you said, I guess we’ll just have to wait and see. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I also agree that tools from Becky’s cult are by no means exclusively used by Becky, or even just her cult. Walky, Lucy and other cast members use them as well.
We must not forget that this comic takes place in Indiana, and much of the cast are but college freshman and are in some way or another heavily embedded in the culture, customs, and language of a religious red state.
I intended not to dissect or attack Becky as a person, but analyze her cult’s rhetoric, precisely because the rhetoric of religious and political cults alike is designed by their leaders to proliferate the groups themselves. It’s meant to be unwittingly picked up and spread by ordinary people to legitimize extremist ideologies, make said ideologies more palatable to those in America’s religious and political mainstream, and eventually recruit them.
It’s precisely because Christian/conservative cults are so effective at this that their techniques are used by a lot more than just these extremists — they are small but disproportionately influential groups within the region in which the comic is set, and even at a liberal university setting their pervasive influence is one that cannot be overstated.
This may be a surprise: I’m pretty critical of religions.
But I think Walky and Becky are just having a conversation where clarification was needed and Walky sidetracked himself with jokes. Becky’s not doing anything wrong or cultish, and Walky’s just being a little annoying in his standard way of refusing to have a serious conversation about anything.
Yumi
Walky tried to bring up an actual painful experience in a way that was meant to shut Becky up. Recognizing your friend’s patterns, like how they avoid actually vulnerability by using using the mention of this topics to attack and deflect, is not a “cult” maneuver. There’s truth to what Walky’s saying, and they could try to dig into it, but that’s not why he brought it up.
237 thoughts on “Come as you are”
DarkoNeko
cooold
True Survivor
However, it looks very pretty. Mr. Willis sure went all out on the background this time, and it looks great.
ValdVin
And the low angle of the sun checks out too. That takes effort when moving the “camera” around this early in the day.
a/snow/mous/e
Cold in real life too!
Doctor_Who
Walky: Fine, you got me. I don’t, as far as I know, have any particular trauma related to religion.
Becky: Good. Just sit there and be quiet as a church mouse.
Walky: AHH!
Priest: Now if everyone would please open your hymnals…
Walky: AHHHHH!
DarkoNeko
oh, right. There was THAT 😀
NGPZ
Awe yes. I forgot as well.
Between trauma and utter cringe, Walky understandably has but negative associations with church throughout his entire life.
Ana Chronistic
haven’t been to the HAPPY funerals, huh (the ones that put FUN in funeral!)
Jo_Cubstar
K so my nesting partner’s grandma’s funeral was actually a jolly time and also had a really silly lady who got up in the middle of the service and started yelling about seeing a rabbit in the clouds and it was hilarious and no one could stop themselves from laughing… so I mean YMMV lol
Leorale
We were sad to lose my ancient bubbe / the beloved family matriarch, and also, the major coping strategy of my whole entire family is humor. Plenty of laughter that day.
Birion
Those are called “wakes”.
Leorale
Ours was Jewish, so it wasn’t a wake, but yes, wakes can definitely be a good time.
See also: jazz funerals of New Orleans
MiaFillene
I am lucky. Irish, and Russian, and Jewish. Grandpa’s funeral was a fucking blast. I miss him all the time, but the memories, the fun, the humor he had, and the joy and laughter he brought…all that came out at his wake. Always look back at the long life loved, and smile at the good memories.
Angel
i can imagine walky or a couple others ending up having their funeral service end up as ajoke or huge party lol
Thag Simmons
Neither have I, but now I’ve got “the Night Pat Murphy died” running through my head
Ed Rhodes
My Uncle Bob spent my Grandmonther’s funeral out in the lobby telling dirty jokes. But that was my Uncle Bob!
Romanticide
the point where people bring out the dirty jobs is not uncommon on mexican funerals, not all of them will have them but if it happens on one you are… it certainly won’t be unique
Ana Chronistic
meant to reply but forgot due to NaNoWriMo
The first, last, and only technically-wake funeral I attended, the deceased’s father read a letter he had written as a child, humorously requesting a raise of allowance, definitely filled the church with laughs
C.T. Phipps
Walky: I am refusing to participate in this veneration of the God Emperor. Praise Chaos!
Mark
Hail Eris!
Dara
Even GOOD doughnuts wouldn’t drag me to a Christian church.
C.T. Phipps
Would you go to one of Torm or Pelor?
BarerMender
I went to midnight Chrismas mass at a Catholic church a few years ago, but that was because i wanted to hear the pipe organ.
Needfuldoer
Right? I mean, you can just buy doughnuts any time you want, guilt- and sermon-free.
Ed Rhodes
When I used to go to Saint Joseph’s in Newport, the early mass was followed by donuts in the lower room. I used to joke that I was going to make up a t-shirt that read; “I’m only here for the donuts!”
Sirksome
I’d say turn about is fair play but it’s clear Walky’s lying…maybe. Is there a really cool grandma or grandpa Walkerton that recently passed. Maybe a terminally ill uncle?
HueSatLight
If you’re making a joke, I don’t want to be the one to ruin it.
Sirksome
If you have to question it then I guess it didn’t land. 😛 Sarcasm’s really hard to convey in just text.
HueSatLight
it did. mine didn’t though (check the formatting)
Sirksome
Lol.
Jon
Holy hell, is Walky…insecure about having never been to church? Or just grouchy and not wanting to keep the conversation going?
sultryglebe
Yes! Definitely.
Bryy
Becky’s being an asshole, too.
shrub
How so?
Tan
What you must understand is that Becky exists, and therefore is awful.
Walking with a friend who’s going the same place she is, answering his questions, pointing out he might be late for a thing he allegedly wants to do? Might as well have just kicked a hundred puppies.
shrub
I’m not Becky’s biggest fan by any stretch of the imagination but I don’t see anything wrong here, in fact it’s quite refreshing
Bryy
Mike just died?
Come on. So you don’t like my comment, that’s great. Leave it at that. No reason to get aggressive.
Allen Alberti
this is literally the nicest, least assholey Becky has ever been, I don’t get what you’re seeing here.
Zero
He brought it up. If he suddenly wants it to end, it’s because he’s uncomfortable.
Though if his parents never took him to church, I have to question why he thinks it’ll impress them.
Taffy
He doesn’t. That was Lucy who said that.
BarerMender
His grandma took him to church. He hated it.
Mark
Why would we suppose he’s trying to impress his parents? I never for a moment thought he wasn’t doing this for Lucy.
Zero
Because that’s what they said? It was their plan.
To be fair, their plans are very bad.
Tan
Please note that Walky does not state that funerals are his only church experience. He states that he has been to church for funerals, and says nothing about whether he has been to church otherwise.
As Becky notes, this is a tactic.
PigmyWurm
I think part of it is general grumpiness due to a combination of a)it being early b) him having been woken up last night/this morning, and c) him being out of his comfort zone, and Walky is someone who really doesn’t like being out of his comfort zone. Dressing up, being on time, doing something because your partner enjoys it, those all seem “mature” and “responsible” which clashes with Walky’s brand, and he has had to be a bit extra responsible lately and might be running low on spoons.
RassilonTDavros
I’d love to see a flashback to Mike’s funeral at some point, though I’m not sure it would really open up that much story-potential-wise.
HueSatLight
[mystery character] rageflips coffin into grave
Slartibeast Button, BIA
Not a Baker’s Dozen?
Bryy
Welp. I guess that answers my question as to how brainwashed Becky still is, exactly.
C.T. Phipps
By brainwashed, do you mean still a believer in progressive Christianity?
Bryy
I mean still using the language and ideaology of a cult.
shrub
What language?
Zero
“Come as you are,” “be late,” and “tactic.” Very cultish and ideological.
Miri
Ummm… “Tactic” is w.r.t. to “Deflect and make people feel a bit guilty for having asked” rather than church?
Most people view trying to not being late as basic manners? (Cultural differences apply with some places typically being far more laid back about this than others, and some genuinely feeling that if you’re late you’re basically stating your time is more important than other people’s and you don’t care about inconveniencing them… But like this is how you get into “10-15 minutes early is on time for an interview” and other situations where you want to make a good impression.)
At least in the UK, “come as you are” would also be a
Miri
Silly button and tired, ill fingers (middle child brought home lurgy. She and the youngest have since recovered. Husband, eldest and me are all ill. Eldest woke me up at 5 to let me know she felt bad and couldn’t sleep… is periodically making sure
I’m suffering I know she’s suffering ?)*At least in the UK, “come as you are” would also be a standard idiom, with no religious affiliation or connotations, but we have very few independent churches (https://faithsurvey.co.uk/uk-christianity.html – apparently a few hundred thousand attendees – but with only about 5% of the overall population routinely going to church even though close to 46% of the population surveyed identified as Christian in 2021)… Apparently we’re one of the least religious countries! (Honestly, when I started reading this comic my initial reaction to Joyce telling Sarah she was a fundie was to laugh because I assumed she was joking because that would be SO unlikely over here…)
Miri
Spot the broken close tag ??♀️ sorry!
Mark
in the US “come as you are” isn’t heard so much these days, and usually said of parties, but I note that there is a church song titled “Come As You Are”. (Not the one by Nirvana.) And another that I can’t locate just now in which these words are the central theme.
thejeff
A relic of the end of the days of dressing in your “Sunday best” for church? In the transition, churches had to let people know that wasn’t expected at their church, but now that it’s not the expectation any more there’s no need.
Zero
You know I just picked some words she said at random, right? To highlight the absurdity of the initial claim that they are “cult” words?
NGPZ
I mean yeah. Only months after attending a funeral held at a church for a friend literally killed by another church, what does Becky expect Walky to do? Put on a happy face?
Zero
You say that like she’s dragging him along with her. It was his idea.
NGPZ
Not every idea Walky has is automatically fun for him. He’s agreed to this because he’s still bent on trying to cure his mom’s racism, namely via Lucy showing pff how Christian™ she is to Linda.
Zero
And how exactly is that Becky‘s fault?
NGPZ
It isn’t. She’s trying to get Walky to see the fun in something which she thinks is but a chore to him.
As well as she means, she isn’t accounting for the role church played in his fairly recent trauma and its aftermath. These strong feelings he has towards church are something that will not go away any time soon.
Devin
Okay but NGPZ, you replied to a comment about her using the language and ideology of a cult seemingly in agreement, and I don’t see what any of this has to do with that.
NGPZ
Walky let Becky in on the baggage that surrounds church for him in relation to his recent trauma, only for her to invalidate his display of emotional vulnerability by deeming nothing more than a “tactic to shut down the conversation”.
It is very much a cultist habit that Becky would put who she perceived as a critic of church into a no-win position. If the critic fails to persuade her away, they lose. If they succeed at persuading, it means they must be “cheating” somehow, therefore they lose.
Here Becky is falling back on conversation patterns that feel familiar to her without even thinking about it, as per her indoctrinators’ intentions. As well as she means, I can only hope she addresses these old habits before she puts herself into a position where she can hurt herself and others.
Devin
I strongly suspect you’re reading way too far into that, and in a way that is disproportionately unkind to Becky. Walky does have a pattern of deflecting in this way, and this fits not only that pattern, but the same pattern that Becky has, thus she recognizes it.
We’ll see as this continues to develop I guess.
Devin
Also Walky isn’t just a perceived critic, he’s an actual critic, and in a way that isn’t actually all that reasonable. “Come as you are so long as it’s on time” is a pretty reasonable expectation for almost anything, including their classes. And he’s being a little snide about it because he dressed up more than he technically had to.
Becky’s starting assumption that he had any experience at all with going to church was faulty (whether or not he actually had) but not unreasonable given her life experience. And Walky’s invocation of funerals was absolutely a deflection. Note that it didn’t actually address the reason behind the question. If this was an attempt to open up, it was a pretty inappropriate one. He absolutely said it in a way that is true while being an emotional cudgel.
I’m not saying that Walky’s being a terrible person here, he’s just grumpy because he’s dressed more formally than fits his maximum comfort level and he was woken up abruptly, too early, and frankly rudely. Putting so much wrong on Becky here is off base.
thejeff
And given that Walky leans deeper into the tactic with the “you’ve opened a wound” and the donuts, I’d say she’s right on the money.
Walky’s deflecting and she recognizes it, because it’s a thing she does too.
NGPZ
Becky’s indoctrinators are really the ones in the wrong here, not Becky herself. She is using tools from her social toolbox that she knows just work, and it really isn’t her fault that she was never given any outside of that which were intended to evangelize, recruit and marginalize other people in favor of her church — tools that were designed to make that process so subtle and smooth that much of the time ordinary people don’t even realize that it’s happening, let alone Becky herself.
Indoctrination can be a sly, tough beast to combat, hence Dina’s patience and effort in breaking those chains on her girlfriend’s behalf. Dina knows that Becky was never given any room for growth for much of her life, and that she’s willing to reform socially and intellectually if just given the time and place to do so.
Walky is but Becky’s friend, and as far as I can tell he’s not really obliged to have that level of patience or forgiveness here, especially given he’s got his own baggage he’s gonna confront where he’s heading.
Either way, like you said, I guess we’ll just have to wait and see. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
NGPZ
I also agree that tools from Becky’s cult are by no means exclusively used by Becky, or even just her cult. Walky, Lucy and other cast members use them as well.
We must not forget that this comic takes place in Indiana, and much of the cast are but college freshman and are in some way or another heavily embedded in the culture, customs, and language of a religious red state.
I intended not to dissect or attack Becky as a person, but analyze her cult’s rhetoric, precisely because the rhetoric of religious and political cults alike is designed by their leaders to proliferate the groups themselves. It’s meant to be unwittingly picked up and spread by ordinary people to legitimize extremist ideologies, make said ideologies more palatable to those in America’s religious and political mainstream, and eventually recruit them.
It’s precisely because Christian/conservative cults are so effective at this that their techniques are used by a lot more than just these extremists — they are small but disproportionately influential groups within the region in which the comic is set, and even at a liberal university setting their pervasive influence is one that cannot be overstated.
NGPZ
*proliferate beyond the groups themselves.
Could have sworn I typed that…
HueSatLight
This may be a surprise: I’m pretty critical of religions.
But I think Walky and Becky are just having a conversation where clarification was needed and Walky sidetracked himself with jokes. Becky’s not doing anything wrong or cultish, and Walky’s just being a little annoying in his standard way of refusing to have a serious conversation about anything.
Yumi
Walky tried to bring up an actual painful experience in a way that was meant to shut Becky up. Recognizing your friend’s patterns, like how they avoid actually vulnerability by using using the mention of this topics to attack and deflect, is not a “cult” maneuver. There’s truth to what Walky’s saying, and they could try to dig into it, but that’s not why he brought it up.