272

Vampire
Posted on March 24, 2016 by David M Willis

272 thoughts on “Vampire”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    “Murder Cave” is horrible

    “DEATH DUNGEON” has a much better ring to it

    1. Cody

      Nah, Killer Club sounds better.

      Heck, you could call it the Killer Klub to be hip.

      1. Mattyos

        But Cody, if you call it that you can’t talk about it!

        1. Kinoko

          It’s the very first rule!

        2. Willinwoods

          Well, you could try talking about it … once … but then I’d they’d have to kill you.

      2. Emperor Norton

        My personal favourite is “The Seal Clubbing Club”.

        1. Renshear Blade

          I am a Seal… i like to dance!

        2. Gigafreak

          “Seal Clubbing” makes me think of sea mammals at a rave

        3. Deanatay

          The otters like to mosh, the cetaceans are all into trance

        4. Leorale

          each little slug here / cutting a rug here / under da sea

        5. Rusty

          My only issue that has ever come about from using the name The Seal Clubbing Club as the name of my Seal Clubbing Club is that our Seal Clubbing Clubbers found it somewhat confusing that the Seal Clubbing Clubs Seal Clubbing Club was just called The Seal Clubbing Club adding to the confusion that when talking about The Seal Clubbing Club one had to be sure to point out if they were talking about The Seal Clubbing Club or The Seal Clubbing Club or else one would be confused because The Seal Clubbing Club was a great group of people, but The Seal Clubbing Club was actually just a club that was really good for clubbing seals.

        6. Rusty

          Also, that last comment is 3000% better because we have the same exact gravatar 😀

        7. Emperor Norton II

          It turns out you were just me all along!

        8. Storel

          You play Kingdom of Loathing, don’t you, Rusty?

          — Former Accordion Thief

        9. Storel

          I mean Emperor Norton, damn those lookalike gravatars.

    2. Cheryl

      Death Hut?

      1. motorfirebox

        I’m pretty sure it’s actually pronounced “Pizza Hut”.

        1. TachyonCode

          Considering I was once served a personal pan “uncooked dough wad” there, you are most likely on to something…

        2. Michael Haneline

          Served or were served?

        3. Robin

          The answer is “Yes.”

    3. Tacos

      Death Dungeon sounds like some sorta Death Metal club >.>

    4. Chris2315

      How about the Kill Room?

    5. Dana

      Just take this list and substitute “murder” for “sex”

      https://xkcd.com/1101/

      1. Amazi-Stool

        … and don’t forget that xkcd has alt-text, too!

    6. Plasma Mongoose

      Room 101 has a more sinister meaning behind it.

      1. jy3

        So, did it start being Room 101 or stop when Carla made it a place where there is no darkness?

    7. Needfuldoer

      Homicide Hovel
      Doom Room
      Femur Removal Station No. 6

    8. Raul tsi

      I am so changing the name of my music room to The Murder Cave

  2. Cerberus

    And Carla was never heard of nor seen again…

    1. Lord Stoneheart

      Except a cryptic message at the next floor meeting, when Ruth throws some femurs on the table and tells them that Carla hates them and that she says she was always better than them. (I’d think Ruth would carry out a last request)

      1. Emperor Norton

        Funny thing is… It’s only a few moments ago when I finally bothered to research where exactly the femur is located. I mean, I had an idea where it was more likely to be, and I certainly knew the Norwegian word for it*, but I just never really checked to see if I was wrong. Until now.

        *Said Norwegian word translates directly as “thighbone”, so at least I never had to wonder where that belonged.

  3. Doom Shepherd

    My room was referred to as “The Abyss.”

    There were no alien sea creatures.

    1. Stephen R. Bierce

      Did it stare at you?

      1. Doom Shepherd

        I had a Worf poster that stared at me like Roadblock stared at SP! Ethan.

        1. Stephen R. Bierce

          When my Dad worked in an office tower in Tampa there was a Worf billboard staring at him (this was when DS9 was running for the first time). So, yeah.

        2. fogel

          Did his nostrils flare?

        3. Tawdry Quirks

          Did you imagine Worf talking to you in rhyming Klingon when the poster stared at you?

          (If Worf belittling people with rhyming Klingon to motivate them to do things isn’t already a meme, it needs to become one.)

      2. Some1

        Joyce: There is a difference between you and me Mary…we both looked into the abyss, but when it looked back at us…you blinked.

        On an unrelated note: I’m changing my username! Sorta

        1. Dana

          Who were you before?

        2. Some1

          Someone

        3. Tan

          But who?!

          …no? Are we not doing that joke? Are we just going to straight-up acknowledge that the poster now using the pseudonym “Some1” was the poster previously using the pseudonym “Someone” and not deliberately misinterpret to mean the common English word “someone”?

          Well then I have nothing to offer here.

        4. TamiDOA

          I was guilty of piling on with someone jokes when “Someone” declared that “No One” was their arch enemy. Even leading to a “who’s on first” gag. Sorry.

          (Wait, does this mean No One wins? Then who won? Didn’t you used to be someone? There I go again. Sorry. Again. 🙂 )

        5. Some1

          Oh yeah, I’m totally some1, I’m not No One at all.

          Someone…crap I mean Some1 definitely isn’t being held hostage in some secret location.

        6. Amazi-Stool

          But – No One is being held hostage in some secret location?

          Does Someone know where that secret location is?

          I mean, some secret location must definitely owned by Someone!

        7. TamiDOA

          So should I tell Someone that Someone is not being held hostage or should I tell No One? Or rather should I NOT tell No One? Can I tell Anyone that I did not tell No One about Someone not being held?

          *crunch* (Meta-space collapse)

        8. fogel

          Alice saw no one on the road: her eyesight made the White Knight quite jealous.

        9. Gigafreak

          Just Someone we used to know.

        10. Mordecai

          Wow, that was perfect.

      3. TheNinthShader

        Nietzsche is love, nietzsche is life.

  4. Mr. Mendo

    Well, Carla’s a Blackadder fan. ^_^

    1. Cerberus

      I wonder if she’s a secret BBC fan. This isn’t the first Britishism she’s dropped.

      1. DoggySpew

        Maybe she’s transbritish?

        1. Gigafreak

          Carla was born a Londoner but transitioned to Glaswegian at an early age

    2. Doctor_Who

      Reason number 546 Carla is awesome.

      1. Rukduk

        I kinda stopped keeping track after 400. How many are there in total now?

        1. Disloyal Subject

          714.6

        2. No Name

          Carla’s so awesome you can’t count the ways with whole numbers? Awesome!

        3. Lou

          That IS the point-six. It’s self-referential.

    3. Kamino Neko

      I do not follow.

      1. Mr. Mendo

        “If anything should happen to me, write my mother and tell her I’ve actually been alive this whole time and just couldn’t be bothered to write the old bat!”

  5. Stephen R. Bierce

    *plays The Rolling Stones’ “Gimme Shelter” on the newly re-hacked Muzak*

    1. M-M

      Woohoo!!! The Zak’s back!

    2. Bicycle Bill

      Instead of “Timothy” by the Buoys?

    3. fogel

      Holds up a lighter.

      1. Roborat

        Sets Muzak on fire.

  6. Guairdean

    Murder Cave. I now have a name for my office/hobby room.

    1. TamiDOA

      Though not quite a “Murder Cave”, we called the office of a particularly bad manager “The Crime Scene”.

      1. Guairdean Beatha

        That would be my kitchen when I try to cook.

  7. Tarpo

    Dammit.. Now I need a murder cave.. and cookies.

  8. Nono

    How long does a semester last? Three months? If so that means we’re almost halfway through the first semester already.

    1. Carriethedragon

      From late August to mid-December, or 17 weeks including finals, so like four months.
      http://walkypedia.wikia.com/wiki/Dumbing_of_Age_Timeline
      34 days have passed; I believe we’re just about at the beginning of October.

      1. Catullus

        It’s currently October 2 in the DoAverse.

  9. Bicycle Bill

    There needs to be a sign reading “Murder Cave” on her door ASAP!!

    1. Doctor_Who

      Or, if Ruth respects the classics, “Abandon hope, all ye who enter here.”

      1. spriteless

        That kiiiinda would hit her close to home, wouldn’t it?

      2. John

        My roommate and I actually had that over our door one year in college.

        1. Doom Shepherd

          I knew a guy in grad school who had “Arbeit macht frei” posted on his door.
          His last name was Aronstein, so…

        2. Dr. T

          Here I was about to reference that phrase, only to see I was beaten to the punch.

        3. deathpigeon

          That’s sketchier to have over your door because it would be interpreted as support for where that’s from.

        4. Sunny

          With a Jewish last name? It’s unlikely to be interpreted that way.

        5. Badeyes

          Knew a teen that put that on his door, his younger sister was Hope.

        6. Romanticide

          that is awesome! XD

      3. Kamino Neko

        Just a very minor nitpick, the line is more accurately (and more commonly, in actual translations of Inferno) translated as ‘abandon all hope, ye who enter here’… I’m not sure when or why the ‘all’ moved from the hope to the people who aren’t supposed to have it in popular memory.

        1. EvilMidnightLurker

          It sounds better the other way. There’s a technical term for when that happens, but I can’t recall it.

        2. DinaWho

          With ‘all’ moved to before ‘ye’ it has a good flow in iambic pentameter is all I know.

      4. Screwball

        Murder Cave
        Abandon all hope, ye who enter here…

        Hmmm, sounds good. Wonder if Daniel the Human will let me do this…

      5. Roborat

        I always thought the quote was” Abandon all hope, ye who enter here”?

        1. Kamino Neko

          See above.

      6. thejeff

        “Abandon hope, all ye who enter here.
        Except Tuesday & Thursdays, 10 to 11:30AM”

        What? She’s got to go to class.

  10. Makkabee

    The Murder Cave is the secret lair of Murderman, world’s worst superhero.

    1. Doctor_Who

      I’m pretty sure that’s just the Punisher.

      If you check the notebook under his bed, you’ll find like fifty different potential names crossed out including that one, DethDealer, Sir Kill, The Discipliner, The Totally Dark And Brooding Antihero Who Chicks Find Interesting, and The Murdalizer.

      Also he has written “Punisher War Journal Volume One” on the cover, over the words “Lisa Frank”, and given the unicorn an eyepatch and a scar.

      1. Emperor Norton

        And now I want a Punisher/MLP crossover.

        Wait, I’m emperor of the internet. I can just command the internet to make/send me such a crossover.

        Internet, you heard your emperor!
        Make it so.

        1. Opus the Poet

          You’re late to the party. http://www.fimfiction.net/story/59152/my-little-pony-the-punisher First non-paywalled link in the Google Search.

        2. Deanatay

          Rule 42 for you.

    2. Pastafarian

      Could become the best villain though. Mortal enemy of Amazi-girl, perhaps?

    3. Some1

      http://www.smbc-comics.com/?id=2666

      1. TheNinthShader

        SMBC!

    4. Badtux

      I’m pretty sure that Florida Man, not Murderman, is the world’s worst superhero. Or maybe the world’s worst supervillain. If you don’t believe me, just go to Google and type in the phrase “florida man” (in quotes).

    5. Richard

      Na na na na na na na na, na na na na na na na na,

      MURDERMAN!

    6. nothri

      World’s worst superhero? Cognizant Man! His superpower is to know what he’s thinking.

      1. heyman

        I nominate Hindsight Man from South Park!

  11. achallenger

    really this whole comic could have just endeed on that fabulous ‘bad ally, here’s ur damn cookie’ gag and i would not have complained

    1. ChrisHerself

      Never have I been more strongly tempted to change my gravatar as when I saw the cookie scrnching under the door.

      Prob due anyway. Wapsi has become …..problematic for me.

  12. Skizz

    I am going to have to get, “If I die in here, tell everyone that I hate them and I was always better than them,” tattoed on my chest.

    1. Disloyal Subject

      So long as the tattoo artist doesn’t take offense and do it in Comic Sans.

      1. mystseekyr

        would that just not make it epic?

        1. Dana

          Sort of an “I’m so badass, I don’t need a decent font” sort of thing?

  13. Jay Eff

    It used to be called the “Man Cave,” but–

    No one’s heard from said man for some time…

    1. inqntrol

      The bears got him probably.

      1. EvilMidnightLurker

        Multiple bears, or Multi-Bear?

        1. Amazi-Stool

          Bearalzebub!

  14. Rukduk

    1. Murder Cave is a great super villain base name.
    2. Hopefully Carla is going to be added to Ruth’s support network after this. Not that either one will admit to it.
    3. Mary stands no chance once Carla and Ruth are on the same page.

  15. I Write Monsters

    Come to Florida. Our north half is dotted with Murder Shacks.

    1. JessWitt

      The state has such a high propensity for sinkholes they should call it the Murdercave-in state.

    2. Tacos

      “Murder Shacks”? Is that what we’re calling fast food places now?

      1. Disloyal Subject

        I hear they make a mean chili burger.

    3. Slartibeast Button, BIA

      Sounds like a song from a much darker version of the B-52s.

      1. Rheinman

        I’ve got me a car, the trunk fits twenty,
        So hurry up and bring your slaughtered bunnies.
        The Murder Shack is a little old place where,
        We can dig together.

        1. Screwball

          Sign says “Stay away fools”
          Cause Death rules, at the Murder Shack.
          Well, it’s set way back past the edge of a field
          Just a funky old shack and I gotta get back
          Splatter on the mattress
          Splatter on the highway
          Splatter on the front porch
          Splatter on the highway

  16. John

    I’m liking Carla more the more we see of her. It keeps getting easier to not see Ultra Car when I look at her.

    1. TheGrammarLegionary

      I still kinda see Ultra Car, but I’ve mentally justified that by imagining she just read so much of that comic growing up that she absorbed a bit of the character.

      1. gkheyf

        that is the story in her bio. gotta love the canon!

  17. JessWitt

    So many good choices for tombstone epitaphs right here.

    1. TamiDOA

      I collect potential tombstone epitaphs. My latest was “Hey you! Get off my lawn!”, (think about it in a cemetery). Now I’m adding these to my list. I’m going to need a scrolling message board on my tombstone!

      1. Ruby

        Best epitaph ever: Curtis Gates Lloyd, a mycologist, wrote his own…

        “Monument erected in 1922 by himself for himself during his own life to gratify his own vanity. What fools these mortals be.”

        1. Romanticide

          I don’t have enough likes and stars for that epitaph

  18. Emperor Norton

    Murder Cave­­™, for when you just need to murder someone. In a cave.

    (Oh, and for those of you that have Windows-based PCs, holding Alt and then pressing 0153 on the numpad will give you that particular ­™ character. Alt+0169 will give you the copyright symbol (©) and 0174 will give you Reserved (®). After that, go nuts to find other things you want to put in your text.

    1. John

      Or if you have a real computer, Compose-t-m, Compose-o-c, Compose-o-r…

      1. Opus the Poet

        Or &8482; for &8482; and &169; for &169; or &amp174; for &174; … Now if my HTML is strong this should make sense, if not then there will be many ampersands…

        1. Opus the Poet

          Let’s try that again ™ for ™ © for © ® for ® Let’s see if the hashtag made a difference.

        2. Opus the Poet

          It did, but now I have to figure out why the example text didn’t post as plain text instead of the HTML symbols.

          Example text & #8482; & #169 & #174;

          HTML text ™ © ®

          [hyneman]Quack, damn you![/hyneman]

        3. Bicycle Bill

          Or you could just open up the “Character Map” in Windows and take your pick from ALL the goodies lurking in there.  Need an umlaut?  One of those funny French accent marks?  How about a tilde?  Or the pound sterling or the Euro symbol?  You’ll find them all there too.

        4. Opus the Poet

          Yeah, linux…
          BTW I have some of those characters on my keyboard B/C this model computer was sold overseas like € and … Well poop I have lost the Pound symbol. It used to be <alt gr> <3> now it ain’t there.

        5. Random832

          Use &amp; for the &’s in the example text. &trade; &copy; &reg; ™ © ® (Also, on a mac it’s ⌥2 ⌥r ⌥g, and ⌥ to get the ⌥ thing)

        6. Random832

          Knew I had to screw one of them up. ⌥

        7. Random832

          swear to god I got it right that time. Weird that it worked for my name examples but not for & #8997;.

      2. Emperor Norton

        That reminds me, if I ever become moderator of a comment field, my first act shall be to make the term “a real computer” be auto-replaced with “an Etch-a-Sketch”. Because nerds arguing about what’s a “real” computer is basically just one step above two kids whacking each other with etch-a-sketches.

        1. TamiDOA

          Even worse are the “My phone’s smarter than your phone.” fights. A Comp. Sci. Prof. silenced them all with a “Stop it. Real computers have cooling fans the size of PHONE BOOTHS.”, which cracked everyone up.

        2. StClair

          ah yes, Big Iron. Tended by the Priests of IBM.

        3. Bicycle Bill

          What’s a phone booth?

        4. Roborat

          It’s a small enclosed cubicle were Superman changes his clothes, but that is not important right now.

        5. John

          Been there, adminned that. They don’t run Windows.

    2. All-Purpose Guru

      On a Mac you type T, then M, and when you hit space it automatically substitutes the ™ character. iPad does something similar. Alt-who?

    3. Bagge

      WITH A BOX OF SCRAPS

  19. Carms

    Holy shit is Ruth reaching out??
    Nah, my money’s on Ruth wanting to level with Carla about why she failed her RA duties earlier. Like, I owe you an apology and explanation.

    1. Foxhack

      Whynotboth.gif?

  20. Russ

    Carla is quickly becoming my favorite

    1. Cerberus

      Yeah, I’m so very happy that this arc is featuring much more Carla!

  21. Cerberus

    Comic reactions:

    Panel 1: Apparently Mary and Ruth are in a secret vampire cult. Carla better watch out or she’ll be stuck only going out at night… holy fuck, Carla is a vampire too!

    Panel 2: Damn, that moment. Her just staring sadly at the cookies. You can straight up taste her heartbreak and longing and just see how much she wants nothing more than to run right back into Billie’s arms and restart their “sexy lesbian suicide pact”. It’s downright devastating.

    Panel 3: Ruth is going full on self-flagellation about getting blackmailed off of standing up for Carla. Which… well Carla said when it happened, that shit happens so much it’s taken for granted and it’s clear by her face and her reaction in Panel 4 that Carla is not really thinking this is a sackcloth and ash situation. Even if she fully stands behind initially calling her out on her cowardice and pushing back against the bullshit victim-blaming Ruth threw at her at the time, Carla seems to fully recognize that they are both victims of Mary and that she is the real villain of this piece… even if that’s something Ruth’s self-hatred isn’t willing to fully see yet.

    Panel 4: Ah, Carla, so perfectly blunt. And it makes me wonder if Carla’s inquisitiveness has been ruminating on this for a bit. Like, she’s respectful of privacy and wasn’t going to push, but since she needs a distraction to get off focusing on what happened last night, fuck it, might as well get an answer to something she was curious about in the process.

    Panel 5: No, Carla, you’ll see the Femur Tower!

    Panel 6: Ruth’s greatest regret is not paining the words Murder Cave over the front of her door. Also, ah, Carla, you lovable, wonderful jackass.

    1. Rukduk

      I’m really hoping that this is the beginning of a beautiful, if mutually denied to be existing in order to keep up the appearances they want to project, friendship between the two. Ironically enough, it kinda feels like Carla’s friendship would actually help both Ruth and Amber to deal with their own problems, despite the fact that she likes to portray herself as an arrogant jerk. And the fact that Carla seems to at least open to the possibility of being a supportive friend to both of them really says a lot about her.

  22. Wolf

    Dumbing of Triangle: DAY 8

    http://imgur.com/UJWbhXx

    Looks like Ruth is gunna tell Carla what’s what… in the MURDER CAVE! But in all seriousness, how’s Carla gunna react? Will she tell everyone? I mean, probably not, since Ruth can easily pull something.

    Old strips now being ported: http://imgur.com/a/7FHYX

    1. Emperor Norton

      Has anyone ever been so happy to see a bag with four cookies left in them? I think not.

    2. Emperor Norton

      Also, the fifth panel is now headcanon in my head. It just seems more plausible to me that Carla would make a nervous “please, please, please don’t kill me for doing this” kind of smile as she was about to turn on the lights.

  23. Detective Boomwolf

    Heck, just get it carved into the tombstone. It’s what I plan on doing.

  24. Cerberus

    Also, yay for the Asshole Queer Ginger Gals actually confiding in each other and building a friendship.

    Hell, Carla might even be what Ruth needs right now, simply because she’s someone blunt enough to break through Ruth’s funk, but also blunt enough that she’s not going to enable and reinforce her depressive spirals and it’s someone non-judgmental and anti-authoritarian enough that she can be absolutely confident that nothing she talks about will ever reach any of her bosses.

  25. Emperor Norton

    But yeah, impressions:

    If it hasn’t been established by now how Carla’s “being a jerk that doesn’t care about anyone” act is in fact precisely that (an act), then I don’t know how it could be more obvious.

    I have a feeling that Carla won’t be at all surprised to the answer she’s about to get. It’s one of those “I’m reasonably certain I already know, but I’d still like to be sure” questions.

    Ruth is most likely going to tell Carla the truth because she thinks Carla deserves to know it. The guilt in that face, man. Plus, she reckons that Carla is pretty trustworthy to tell this, considering how Carla views authorities (which is probably on the lines of “unhelpful at best”). I wonder exactly how much she’ll tell, though. The “drink ourselves to suicide” pact seems to be more likely to be kept quiet about for now…

    Overall, the strip is so very, very sad… Except the MurderCave™. I think we all want one now, right?

  26. Tomas

    Murdercave dot horse.

    Just because.

    1. Dana

      murdercave dot plumbing.

    2. ninja_jesus

      murder.cave

  27. Yotomoe

    I feel like characters are REALLY trying too hard. Like I get that this comic is a comedy but reading it, it just feels like both characters are trying to force humor into this situation. It just kind of reads awkward to me.

    1. Cerberus

      I don’t know about Ruth, but I guaran-fucking-tee that Carla is intentionally trying to force humor into this awkward situation. It’s been her jam for awhile, especially when it gets really hard to pretend that she doesn’t actually care about a person. Crack a joke, make an assholic statement, defuse the situation, keep everyone distracted from the potential vulnerability.

      1. Charles Phipps

        Carla doesn’t want to be in this conversation. She’s not friends with Ruth but she’s too good of a person to just leave it like it is, ala the two guys before the Good Samaritan. So, she’s very much trying to force humor into the situation because this is way too deep for someone who is a near-complete stranger. Actually, worse, because Carla doesn’t like Ruth.

        1. Shiro

          Do we have background that says Carla doesn’t like Ruth? I mean yeah, she’s justifiably hurt and betrayed right now, but that’s a totally different thing from like/dislike.

        2. Emperor Norton

          On one hand, I think you are correct in that we are making an assumption on this.

          But I would think that at least we are making a fairly informed guess, based on how practically nobody in the dorm (except Billie) likes Ruth very much. She hasn’t had a chance to do the more sympathetic aspects of her jobs very often; the only example I can think about is when she talked to Amber after Blaine was put in hospital. And I have a hard time seeing Amber spreading the word about Ruth showing some compassion.

        3. Bagge

          I think she gained a LOT of respect flooring Blaine. That incident alone could promote her to “She’s a tyrant but she’s OUR tyrant” status.

          But yeah, most people don’t enjoy being yelled at about Femurs.

        4. Emperor Norton

          Depends. Very few witnesses to that episode, and only two of them were dorm residents (and one of them Billie, who would probably not at any point spread awesome stories about Ruth; first because she loathed her, then because she had fallen for her and needed to keep it quiet) . And they weren’t certain what exactly was going on (Billie ended up following Blaine without knowing why). Confused reports were sure to follow.

        5. Spencer

          I think only Sierra actually saw that, and Ruth doing one cool thing doesn’t suddenly absolve of her being an abusive jerk.

          I dunno, I feel that, when shit hits the fan for Ruth, she’s not going to have much support.

        6. Emperor Norton

          Sierra, Sierra’s parents, and Billie. Yes, I checked. They weren’t all present in the exact strip, but they were present in the leading up to it.

          Plus, I also managed to randomly find that hey, the rest of the dorm women (except Sal) has actually seen Ruth do it before, on Billie. The first RA meeting, when Ruth told Billie to give it her best shot, before easily countering it with her throw.

          So they already know she’s capable of doing it; and my guess is that it probably helped cement the proper attitude of -fear-, which I reckon is what Ruth meant to achieve at that time.

          But of course, having said that, your last sentence is probably oh-so-very spot on. I mean, Carla and Ruth is likely to have a chat right now, and hopefully Carla will have Ruth’s back as a result of this. But considering how the entire dorm was complicit in hiding things from Ruthless… Yeah, she’s not going to get much support outside Carla and Billie.

        7. Rycan

          I think Carla dislikes everyone (or tries to act like it), so that would include Ruth.

    2. TamiDOA

      Or is it because the situation’s so awkward that they are trying to force humor.

      1. newllend(henryvolt)

        I don’t know, some of the time a lot of the strips try their damn near hardest to end on some sort of zinger and considering the tone and subjects the comic gets into it will come of as forced, awkward, or sometimes if the jokes aren’t funny enough it will come off as in bad taste.

        Which is still funny enough for me because I get the opportunity to make fun of it.

    3. Foxhack

      As someone who recently went through some serious family drama… most of my close family tried to inject some humor into it.

      That’s kinda what we do. So I understand Carla doing this all too well.

      (Seriously… some people apparently don’t like it when you say your brother is still on vacation in another country when he dies there and his body hadn’t been sent back here yet.)

      1. Emperor Norton

        If you ever need a new family, mine would gladly take you in for that joke alone.

        1. Foxhack

          You should hear the jokes i cracked when my dad died! I pissed off most of HIS side of the family! 😀

          😐

          Not like they really cared about him in the end… well most of em…

    4. Rycan

      I see Carla using humor to mask the fact that she actually cares, and I see Ruth trying to play along with the humor (it can be pretty hard when you’re feeling really down during depression).

  28. Emoroffle

    The Punisher should have a Murder Cave and some kind of murder butler.

  29. Hopeless Savage

    Have I mentioned that I want to marry Carla?

    1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

      All skating wedding?

  30. Charles Phipps

    Is it wrong I ship Carla and Ruth way more than I ever shipped Billie and Ruth?

    1. Cerberus

      I vote that their ship name be Ginger Snaps

      1. Charles Phipps

        Well, Billie has her own issues to deal with and she can’t be a psychotherapist as well as a person in need of psychotherapy. Carla is completely healthy mentally and would give Ruth the necessary push to get on some meds with an actual counsellor. Lesbian suicide pact is great until someone dies.

      2. void

        I vote for Ginger Snaps

    2. Emperor Norton

      Strangely enough, it would probably be a healthier relationship for Ruth’s part, having someone who is hell-bent on fighting the world, instead of giving in.

      But for Carla’s part, I’m not sure how long she would tolerate Ruth, though. She has a survivor mindset (for the specific purpose of this ‘ship discussion, I mean that she damn well wants to live and enjoy life, no matter what). Ruth’s coping mechanisms and death wish tendencies will not be very compatible with that. Now, Carla cares about people despite herself, but I don’t think she’s very patient at dealing with Ruth constantly inflicting misery on herself.

      Heck, I wouldn’t expect anyone to be patient with that; because that needs a professional therapy relationship to deal with, rather than lesbian suicide pact relationship.

    3. Spencer

      Hey, why not. Ruth’s starting to clean up her act and doesn’t have a history of repeat abuse with Carla like she does Billie. Carla wouldn’t put up with her bullshit and she’s in a place where she can encourage positive mental healing in Ruth.

      #GingerSnaps

  31. Foxhack

    I’m okay with Carla figuring out the relationship and maybe becoming a close friend / ally to them both.

    ESPECIALLY IF IT MEANS MORE CARLA VENGEANCE.

    1. Foxhack

      I meant more vengeance against Mary, but THE POINT STANDS

      1. TamiDOA

        Nothing bonds people like having a common enemy. And Ruth and Carla’s combined revenge on Mary could be the stuff of legends for generations of students to come.

  32. Charles Phipps

    I admit, if this was by some of the web comic artists I know, Ruth would have actually murdered Mary and her body was in the bed. *pause* I read some weird webcomics.

    1. Some1

      In my experience, the vast majority of webcomics are really fucked up, we just don’t pay much attention cause we only read the good ones, which become popular.

      1. Emperor Norton

        In -my- experience “Good webcomic” translates to “being fucked up in that particular style of fucked up that I happen to like.”

        I mean, back when 8-bit Theater was running, my favourite character was Black Mage. I could tell you all the reasons why, but they would basically sum down to my translation. He was fucked up in a way that I just loved.

        1. Dara

          I adored 8-Bit Theatre.

        2. Dara

          Swordchucks 5eva \n/

        3. Squirrel Empire

          8-Bit Theater was actually my first webcomic, and Black Mage was just amazing!

        4. Charles Phipps

          Ruth and Black Mage would make an awesome team.

        5. Smiling Cat

          Never works out that way. Remember how Muffin and Black Mage’s teamup ended.

          “I don’t even have an invisible sky castle. Just that visible one over there.”

  33. miados

    got to respect carlas sense of self and i honestly wish i could feel that way about myself

  34. Mo

    Agh! So many wasted opportunities from my own RA tenure! Why couldn’t this strip have existed when I was an undergrad?

  35. tim gueguen

    Carla doesn’t actually mind going into murder caves, provided she has her trusty cavalry sabre with her.

    1. Deanatay

      Carla has no fear of murder caves, because she thinks of herself as an awesome robot. Wrecking yards, on the other hand…

  36. Shiro

    *vibrates* Queer redhead support group time!

    Now let’s hope we can reverse that downward spiral…

  37. TamiDOA

    Odd that Carla is asking about Ruth and Billie. She was right there when Mary accused Ruth of “defiling the cheerleader” and Ruth crumbled. And Billie sending the cookies to Ruth kind of confirms it. Maybe it was intended as the lead-in to some other questions?

    1. tim gueguen

      Carla may not have known Billie was a cheerleader.

      1. Cerberus

        All Carla knows of Billie is that she likes terrible hockey teams:
        http://www.dumbingofage.com/2015/comic/book-5/03-the-butterflies-fly-away/grab/

        1. BenRG

          She also now knows that she likes Ginger Snaps. These are small things but, if she applies Holmes’s methods, she should soon have a complete and fairly accurate profile! 😀

      2. TamiDOA

        Assumption on my part, since Billie ran around bragging about being a cheerleader for the first weeks of the semester. Surprisingly Billie and Carla appear together in only 5 of 1730+ strips and no mention of cheerleading.

        (Could have happened “off comic”, but I don’t believe that space-time dimension.)

    2. Bagge

      It might be that she has already pieced it together, but checks with Ruth if the topic is open for discussion. It’s not like she knows it officially.

  38. Yossarianduck

    *Looks at title*

    Is… is Carla God?

    1. Yossarianduck

      *The chapter title, that is.

      1. Bagge

        In Clark Wing she goddam is.

        1. Bagge

          …OK, because I obviously can’t read any more I thought you said Ruth.

          Anyway, the answer is still yes.

    2. Deanatay

      “When Carla closes the door, she opens a window… ‘cuz damn, it stinks in here.”

    3. Lord of the Realm

      If we’re talking the kind of Old Testament God that needed everything to be about him or he got pissy, demanded gifts at random, sent angry people to fight his battles for him if he felt slighted and was generally an asshole…

  39. Josh Spicer

    Oh hey, a motion I’m actually enjoying.

  40. Bagge

    Maaaaan, panel 2…

    Walky: STOP PUTTING FEEEELS ALL OVER PERFECTLY GOOD COOKIES
    Billie: Eh, they were racist cookies to begin with.

  41. Cerberus

    Meanwhile, Carla is down a state she can safely visit after graduation:
    http://www.cnn.com/2016/03/23/politics/north-carolina-gender-bathrooms-bill/

    1. Bagge

      That sucks.

      On the flip side, Carla would prank the crap out of the bathrooms.

      1. Cerberus

        Maybe recruit Walkyverse Malaya to take a big dump on the NC governor’s porch.

        1. Bagge

          Malaya likes to do shit. (SORRY!!!)

        2. Cerberus

          Meanwhile, Carla is stuck with just sneering at people from a wall.

    2. Peduncle

      * Supporters of the law, signed by Republican Gov. Pat McCrory on Wednesday night, say it protects all people from having to share bathrooms with those who make them feel unsafe. * (from an ESPN story).

      See? Transgender people don’t have to feel unsafe ever again. Gov. McCrory said so.

  42. Bagge

    “I was always way better than them”
    Duly noted, Carla!

    (I’ll be away from internet for a few days, so if a Becky-strip comes up, someone please squee for me)

    1. Disloyal Subject

      I’ve got you covered.

      1. TheNinthShader

        *preemptive squee’s loaded and ready for launch*

  43. Cerberus

    https://twitter.com/damnyouwillis/status/712850855972704256

    What the fuck?!? Calls for death?!?

    1. Jimmy

      That’s extremely disturbing to say the least.

    2. Wublub

      Wait, what? Who the hell would want to kill Carla? She’s one of the best characters in this comic.

    3. thejeff

      I’m choosing to believe that the death threats are aimed at Mary and the various abusive parents. It’s weird because those characters usually aren’t appearing in the comic when the threats arrive.

      I’m happier in my nice little world where this is true.

    4. Lord of the Realm

      Calls for death or at least serious bodily harm are nothing new to this fandom. I don’t know what’s so shocking.
      Just look at the comments about Mary. Hell, there were edits with her having her legs torn off.

    5. trlkly

      Unfortunately, calls for death of the trans girl wouldn’t be all that weird. 🙁

      Unless he’s being ironic, of course.

      1. David M Willis

        why would david willis eeeeeeever be sarcastic

  44. Rowen Morland

    I’m torn between wanting those as my last words and Asofterworld’s suggestion of “Yeah, I had that coming.”

  45. Dariu55

    The question is who resides in the Murder Cave? In a super hero/villain name sort of way.

    1. TheNinthShader

      Actually, the only person who lives inside the Murder Cave™ is Kill Bill the hipster. Ironically, he’s the most peaceful man on earth.

  46. Catty

    Ruthless + Carla. Damn, how did I not recognise what a great combination that would be?

    1. TheNinthShader

      Threesome! Threesome!

  47. fishamaphone

    “If I die in here, tell everyone that I hate them and I was always better than them.”

    In case anyone had any doubt that Carla is the same person as Ultra Car.

  48. TheNinthShader

    Murdercave™
    ¨Where all your murder dreams come true.¨

    1. Deanatay

      I thought it was the HQ of MurderMan and HomiSideKick, The Boy Corpse.

  49. Wublub

    Wait, Carla didn’t already know they were dating?

    Geez. I thought she’d figured it out already and was just not telling everybody because… you know… Mary.

    1. Marie

      Now I’m picturing her as knowing the whole time and assuming everyone else did, and telling stories like ‘yeah Ruth and Billie had the worst fight!’ to join in gossip or whatever and the others just kind of nodding because ‘yes, we know they hate each other’

  50. Falling Star

    Carla is just a magnet for homosexuality, isn’t she?

    1. Spencer

      Carla is homoromantic, and both Billie and Ruth are bi.

    2. TheNinthShader

      At least she isn’t a dick magnet.

  51. smooti

    It’s beginning to look a lot like friendship! But actually, I think Ruth having other people who know she needs some help besides Billie could really be beneficial for everyone. It would take some of the urgency out of Ruth and Billie’s relationship and give Ruth an additional person to reach out to. Carla, prankstery ways aside, seems to have her life in pretty good order.

    1. TheNinthShader

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uGBie5pT9nw

      1. TheNinthShader

        Or even more appropriately.
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DTKV91mDc7c

    2. Spencer

      Ruth, as a character, is almost entirely defined by her relationship with Billie, so building a supporting cast for her seems like it’ll be a really good development.

  52. davidbreslin101

    Murder Cave, Saskatchewan. Pop. 243. No, wait, 242. 241…

    1. Roborat

      A cave in Saskatchewan? How? most of the province is as flat as a billiard table. However, interestingly enough, there is a murder cave in Kentucky, and a murder cave creek in Arizona.

      1. thejeff

        There are plenty of caves in flat lands. It’s all about the type of rock. The entrances wind up being just holes in the ground rather than picturesque walk in entrances.

      2. davidbreslin101

        I’ll admit I don’t know a lot about Saskatchewan, apart from that it’s big, sparsely populated, and they have a town called Moose Jaw, which is an excellent name.

        1. Roborat

          Yea, it used to be called Moose Knuckle, but the prudes made them change it.

  53. MurderTruckGuy

    I have an old rusted black ford ranger truck 1988 to be exact. I call it the murder truck, because it looks like what a dude from the sticks that murders people would drive, it used to have a canopy, but it made it look extra murdery, so I took it off.

  54. Slartibeast Button, BIA

    I am now picturing a fight scene down the road where Billie and Carla attack each other for making Ruth cry.

  55. podian

    Why is it that Mike and Carla are so awesome while Malaya is just terrible?

    1. podian

      Also, check it out: perfect avatar for confused questions!

    2. Kamino Neko

      Your words seem to have gotten shuffled around.

      Malaya and Carla are awesome. Mike is a complete blight.

    3. Spencer

      Carla’s awesome because she’s wacky enough to constantly provide interesting dialogue and scenes, while human enough that she doesn’t become terrible, and as Cerberus is fond of pointing out, Carla’s actions during the series also paint the picture of someone who very deliberately paints the picture of herself as this indomitable prankster while constantly having that mask break through the empathy she frequently displays.

      Malaya was a horrible jerkass in Shortpacked, less so here, but she’s still ultimately very human, and her romance with Ultra Car was a lot more adorable and well written than it had any right to be. Doesn’t make it any less enjoyable seeing her get punched in the face, though.

      And as Kamino Neko mentioned above, Mike is terrible. He’s genuinely the only bad character in the entire series.

      1. Charles Phipps

        The problem with Mike is that there’s no humanized side in the Dumbing of Age verse. Alcohol doesn’t make bad people good like it does in Shortpacked so Mike is just…a bad person. It’s kind of the problem with Robin as Willis wrote her as a slimy hypocritical politican in DoA and….suddenly it’s not really as funny.

        1. podian

          I just read through the few Robin strips in DoA… man, now that is depressing.

      2. podian

        > He’s genuinely the only bad character in the entire series.

        I… think you’re forgetting Carol, Mary, and the Evil Dads.

        The thing with Mike is that while he’s bad as a person, he’s incredibly entertaining as a character.

        1. Spencer

          No, I mean, he sucks and he’s not funny. He’s basically just consistently awful in the name of comedy only he’s never been remotely entertaining.

        2. Charles Phipps

          It’s part of the fact Mike’s brand of psychological torture which works in Shortpacked to better people ala some sort of Zen hate master doesn’t work in RL, so it’s just him psychologically abusing people.

        3. podian

          Zen hate master

          Now I need to find an excuse to use that line in a conversation…

    4. Wublub

      Malaya had her moments of terribleness in Shorpacked, but I really like her in DoA. In here she’s really only jerky to people who antagonize her. I mean, except for Lucy. Don’t know why she’s mean to her.

      1. Spencer

        Because she’s Malaya and Malaya is a horrible jerkass. She pretty much only interacts with people who antagonize her.

        She isn’t as much of one here, but give it time.

        1. thejeff

          I think there’s the potential for the Marcia relationship to soften her and make a more relatable character as the Ultra Car one did in SP!.
          There’s also the potential for that to go horribly wrong and solidify her as a horrible jerkass. If things go closer to her thing with Leslie in SP!.

        2. Spencer

          Eh, Malaya just wasn’t into Leslie. That’s not her fault, and it was shown from then on that Malaya did genuinely respect her.

          Part of me is convinced that Marcie/Malaya doesn’t happen, though. I feel like we’re gearing up for another “I guess I’m not into girls” moment.

    5. Rowen Morland

      I enjoy all three.

  56. Kugai

    I think she wanted to go with ‘Pit Of Death’ but the Spartans copyrighted that and it was too much effort to decimate them.

  57. Lordess of madness

    That’s true optimism for you! Carla’s got it!

  58. Keulan

    To the Murder Cave!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VSaDPc1Cs5U

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