150

Boyfriend
Posted on December 26, 2014 by David M Willis
2014-12-patreon1previewOne of two monthly bonus strips are up on Dumbing of Age's Patreon page!  This is the one for which folks voted for who'd appear in it, and Leslie won!  So if you're a member of the Patreon, go check yourself out some Leslie toonage.  The second monthly bonus strip (unlocked when the Patreon surpassed $3500) will be based on a subject of my choosing.  I'm still thinking on it. Also: There have been a few reports of bad ads popping through the system.  We'll do the best we can to snuff 'em out, but the bad kind of ads are ones that purposefully circumvent the ad rules we've established, so they're hard to nab.  It's Christmas, so bad folks try harder than usual to put their noise in our faces, and the higher amount of ad traffic helps them hide.  Sorry for the jerks.

150 thoughts on “Boyfriend”

  1. Mr. Random

    Cuddlig her must be… amazing.

    1. newllend

      Like cuddling a warm, soft, smooth pillow.

    2. Yotomoe

      It’s actually tragic.

      1. talantus

        i hear ya man. this is one scene that i am not eager to see coming…

        1. Deanatay

          Well, seeing how she often pulls her Amazi-Jumper on over normal clothing, there might be a lot of pokey bits in there. Not to mention the utility belt. And anything else she may have stuffed in there. Yes, cuddling Amazi-Girl would definitely be… amazing. But not necessarily in a good way…

        2. Halloween Jack

          “And anything else she may have stuffed in there.” IYKWIMAITYD

  2. Solenoid

    Big spoon or little spoon? Also, nice panic there, Danny.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      There is no spoon, only forking. 😀

      1. Solenoid

        I like the way you think.

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          ^_^

      2. Opus the Poet

        Given the history of this comic and sidebars from this comic…
        Your comment is very appropriate.

        1. tyersome

          WHAT, PM said something appropriate … quick call a doctor … no an exorcist!

          … never-mind … I panicked for no reason …

      3. Adam Black

        LOL

  3. Ostsol

    LOL! With Danny, everything is awkward. 😀

    1. MattR

      Everything is awkward with 18 year old boys when it comes to people they’re attracted to. Except for Joe.

    2. Freemage

      My brain immediately mapped that to the tune for “Everything is awesome” from the LEGO movie… “Everything is awkward//Everything is weird when your name is Dan-ny…”.

      1. lightsabermario

        Ditto.

    3. Evan Dark

      That’s pretty much Danny’s definition, being awkward. By the way, this storyline with Danny being bi-curious, is a waste of paper, he couldn’t even cheat on Amber with Billie, hell would freeze over before he decides to go for the gay option. Also he’s straight, even if he doesn’t know it.

      1. JR

        Evan Dark, I like to think your comment was written by Danny himself, incognito.

        Excellent self-delusion, Danny. I award you two points for your analysis.

        The points are on the KInsey Scale, obviously.

      2. Adam Black

        Actually, part of his het-loyalty may because his attraction is split between 2 genders.

        His attraction for men may be very different to him, and not so easy to control , once un-repressed, as heterosexual.

        “hell would freeze over before he decides to go for the gay option.”
        Hell, in this case , came pre-frozen .

        Its happening. He Doesnt have to “go for it” , It already happened to him. Its also who he is. That attraction already exists and is part of who he can love.

        “Also he’s straight, even if he doesn’t know it.”

        You must be Joking, but If fell flat and sounds like Bi-denial.
        Are you still going to say this, while he bottoms for Ethan ?
        He’s queer; he’s Bisexual per word-of-God.

      3. Brady Kj

        Are you implying that a character is bisexual only if he cheats, or that a character’s bisexuality is relevant only if he cheats? And how do you figure he’s straight?

  4. Plasma Mongoose

    NO HOMO… his ass…

    1. l33tmaster

      does amazgirl do that?!?!?!?

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        Hopefully we will find out.

      2. hack

        she keeps the Amazi-Strap-On in a holster on the back her her Amazi-Utility Belt.

        1. tyersome

          I’m a little surprised at how … delicately you phrased that …

        2. Deanatay

          See? There’s no telling what you’ll encounter when cuddling the Amazi-Girl!

        3. SonicBlueRanger

          Well Amazi-Girl is prepared for anything.

    2. Kris

      YES HOMO..his ass.

  5. Khaner

    I don’t know, she looks pretty big spoony at the moment

  6. Yotomoe

    Amazi-girl must warn you, she has been working all night and is sweaty. And none who have caught a wiff of the amazi-pits have lived to tell the tale.

    1. Vince

      I’m sure the scent of Amazi-Girl is an incredible aphrodisiac!
      Danny needs to grab a pair of panties as a keepsake.

      1. Yotomoe

        It’s too incredible. No one’s body can handle such a pungent stench of awesomeness.

        1. Kris

          I feel I must inform that women do not sweat or shed “man tears” as it is more well known. Instead what we think is sweat is actually a clear odorless liquid that actively rejuvenates the skin and tastes of strawberry. There are however diminishing returns with age.

        2. Yotomoe

          Don’t spread that female propaganda! Women really sweat! Don’t eat the brownies. Fight the power.

      2. Talantus

        Hehe, she spent the whole night fighting evil and didn’t shower. He suit must have really sealed in the flavor ;p

  7. Stephen Bierce

    That next to last panel scuttles my fanfic idea. Damn You Willis.

    1. Stephen Bierce

      *plays “I Want To Be Adored” on the Muzak*

  8. The wizard

    Oh, just fuck…again….already!

    1. Yotomoe

      But she’s all tired and shit. Keep it in your pants, wizard.

      1. Gigafreak

        The wizard can do whatever with his penis. A wizard is never late, nor is he early. He always comes precisely when he means to.

        1. tyersome

          I don’t know … after all wizards always have their wands in their hands, waving them around and shooting off spells …

        2. Paul

          Let’s all sing a rousing chorus of “A Wizard’s Staff has a Knob on the End”

        3. anonymsly

          I prefer ‘The Hedgehog Can Never Be Buggered At All’ personally. It’s a lovely song about a small animal who can never be persuaded to care about anything.

          Right?

        4. tyersome

          If you insist on poking around in that particular bush something may come out that surprises you …

        5. Solenoid

          A fan of Rothfuss, I see. =D

    2. The wizard

      There is nothing in any of these comments, that I didn’t love.

  9. Yotomoe

    Also for those who didn’t notice yesterday
    Merry Christmas
    Mildly NSFW.

    1. newllend

      She should do that again for her birthday, we just need a giant cake.

    2. LeslieBean4Shizzle

      Not as good as the Danny/Ethan pic yesterday, but also going in my Slipshine folder. … if you know what I mean. Yes, I’m a master at recycling both gift wrap and jokes.

      1. LeslieBean4Shizzle

        Oh, and I should specific that “good” in the above context meaning pornographic. No insult to the artwork intended – it’s quite good.

        1. Yotomoe

          That’s cuz vaginas gross me out.

        2. tyersome

          That’s going to make your life really hard … but, maybe you soften the impact with some exposure therapy?

        3. Gigafreak

          I think the situation is that vaginas do not make him hard

        4. tyersome

          … I don’t think we can assume that gross can’t coexist with sexy even in one mind …

          … and when you get right down to it, any sex involving a guy seems likely to come out at least a little gross …

        5. Gigafreak

          “That’s going to make your life really hard …”
          “I think the situation is that vaginas do not make him hard”
          That was basically the whole joke I was trying to make.

          Maybe I should’ve just gone with “Phrasing!”

        6. tyersome

          Ah, well actually … … the thrusting together of hard and soften didn’t come up by accident …

          … I was trysting to get rise out of someone … but I guess I’m licked since this didn’t go down as a well as I had hoped …

    3. tyersome

      Very nice by the way – I bet Joyce wished Becky had stayed in her box though …

      1. Yotomoe

        Becky wishes Joyce was in her box too.

        1. tyersome

          Well I’m delighted we’ve had a hand in these boxing day fistivities …

        2. tyersome

          Sorry … I was really groping around there for something to say …

  10. Lone Wolf

    All this talk of superheroes and spoons is making me think of the Tick.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Danny can be Arthur as I believe that I recall Danny saying “Not the face” at some point.

      1. newllend

        He would rock the white Bunny with wings look.

        1. Kryss LaBryn

          Moth! He’s a moth. 😀

    2. newllend

      Best time he ever used that line was ,”you know I never thought I be saying this to you but…SPOON !”

  11. A Scientist

    I do not have enough cuddle versus superhero data points at this point to either confirm or dispute Amazi-Girl’s claim here. Updates to come [never, probably].

    1. tyersome

      Hey, science is hard … you can’t expect to be spoon fed your data.

  12. Regalli

    So this is going to get a whole lot more awkward for Danny before it gets less, yeah?

    1. Solenoid

      That’s like a law of nature. It always gets more awkward for Danny before it gets better.

      1. tyersome

        What is this ‘better’ you refer to?

        1. Solenoid

          You have a point. It doesn’t stop getting more awkward.

        2. tyersome

          Yeah, to be honest if my personal experience is anything to go by your proposed Danny’s Entropic Awkwardness Law is not very Danny specific …

        3. Paul

          Several things have gotten better for Danny. He had Amazi-sex with Amazi-Girl, for one thing. For another, the girl he was manipulated into introducting to his parents as his girlfriend–Amber–turns out to actually be his girlfriend after all; that’s an enormous load of guilt and awkwardness off of his chest.

          There is still the issue of remaining faithful to Amazi-Girl, but that’s an issue every man has to deal with, straight, bi, or gay.

        4. Deanatay

          Sure, except I’m not sure Amber is quite ready to admit that _she_ is in a relationship with Danny – it’s Amazi-Girl, not her.

        5. Bagge

          Danny has exactly the same problem he had with Dorothy – he has a partner that wants something completely different from their relationship than him, and he has too little personal integrity to put the foot down and make demands of his own.

          Dorothy wanted it to end as a highschool fling. Amber want’s to keep it as part of her alter ego’s nightly escapades. Danny wants to be madly in love forever and ever and engage in sickenly sweet montage worthy activities followed by marriage and sappy poetry.

          That’s why I think he and Ethan actually will get into some sort of relationship, because as long as Ethan chooses to stay in the closet he will also want something else from their relationship than Danny, and that would be just like Danny to Danny it up a third time.

  13. tbf

    Is Joe like Walky in that he doesn’t need to study? Or is he going to flunk out come the 2018 midterms?

    1. Historyman68

      Joe’s “studying” with other hot ladies. Also, actually studying.

    2. Swoop

      Joe seems to have a pretty healthy sex life. I’m sure he makes time to study.

      1. Bagge

        You can only use the “you can help me with my biology homework anytime, baby” so many times until you end up doing actual homework with someone. I like to believe that Joe would be totally fine with that and have a good time studying together with the ladies, eventually followed by sexytimes after that.

  14. Bagge

    That was not a “No homo”, that was a “Not unfaithful”. Danny is specific with his hangups

  15. Idon'tcarenomore

    Merry Christmas all. (Although it is actually 17 min. past on the east coast. But not for the other 3 time zones.)

    Danny Danny Danny.
    Says it all.

    1. Swoop

      Merry Christmas. I hope you had a good one.

  16. Swoop

    I think Danny’s going to confess his attraction to Ethan before this cuddle session is over. From his perspective, holding back the truth is deception. He’s not the kind a guy who can keep up a sweet cuddly romance with a guilty conscience.

    1. grantimusmaximus

      Agreed. He’s incapable of deception, for the most part. It will end in tears though.

      1. tyersome

        As in Amber steps in and tears his head off?

        1. Solenoid

          Which one?

        2. tyersome

          Whichever one comes into her hands first …

        3. grantimusmaximus

          If she tears the lower, tears will definitely stream from the upper.

        4. tyersome

          Apparently something similar can happen in the other order as well!

        5. grantimusmaximus

          “Oh myyyyyy…”

        6. tyersome

          Yeah, its a rather different take on rising from the dead 😉

        7. Swoop

          That’s got to be the weirdest boner of all time.

        8. tyersome

          Oh dear, you’ve left an opening someone is certain to fill with something strange or nasty …

          Let’s start off with ducks shall wee? Actually, many members of the animal kingdom are serious contenders …

  17. FuryOfFirestorm

    I have a feeling that spooning is going to leading to forking.

    1. John

      As long as there isn’t any more knifing, we’re good.

      1. JessWitt

        Well there has been a lot of scissoring lately.

        1. tyersome

          Well if we’re just going to ladle out the puns, I predict a rolling pin to take place right before something gets put in the oven …

        2. grantimusmaximus

          Don’t you think we could sieve this conversation for later? I’m not one to mince words, but I feel like the tension in the comic is strained enough.

        3. tyersome

          Is it later yet? I’m at risk of getting board, cutting back is difficult – I may go to pot or just fry into a panic …

    2. Willoughby Chase

      We’ve come to a Y in the road.

  18. Chris

    She, however, can’t be criticised.

    1. Gigafreak

      Danny curls up against Amazi-Girl in his bunk..
      “That’s good, because I’ve been worried about you. I think your sleep-deprived nocturnal double-life has had a negative impact on both your physical and mental healt–”
      Danny is suddenly propelled out the window by Amazi-Girl’s reflexive anti-criticism bubble

      1. Bagge

        “This is why I don’t criticize giiiiiiiiiiirls”

    2. tyersome

      Yeah, the girls got spunk … or will if she lets Danny get a hold of her 😉

      1. Paul

        No, she always carries those Amazi-condoms.

        1. tyersome

          Well … you might not be the only one poking holes in things …

  19. Lukas

    This alt-text reminds me of the Edward Norton Hulk. For there is a scene in which Norton wakes up post transformation as little spoon.

    1. Swoop

      The Hulk can’t be the little spoon, but Bruce Banner can.

  20. Yotsuyasan

    I doubt this’ll happen, but I think it’d actually be amusing if, for some reason, Joe decided to call it an early night tonight. And he came back and found Danny mid-Amazi-cuddle. (Will spare Danny too much embarrassment by not suggesting the cuddling has yet escalated to anything else.) And Joe then has to give Danny a big lecture reminding him about the secondary (or for Joe, primary) use of socks.

    But hey, at least Joe would then believe Danny about who his girlfriend is!

    1. Yotsuyasan

      Come to think of it… if her plans are to “pass out” there, with Danny, Joe doesn’t even have to call it an early night… He could come back in the morning and find them sleeping! (Hopefully Amazi-girl sleeps with her mask on!)

      1. Bagge

        I dunno… wouldn’t it just be sock-on-the-door, highfive and then breakfast. I don’t really see any hilarities ensuing.

        1. Paul

          Joe discovering that Danny wasn’t lying about Amazi-Girl being his girlfriend might have some comic potential. Especially if Joe points out that she is yet another brunette Dorothy clone, yet somehow manages to miss the connection.

        2. tyersome

          Joe makes many Miss connections, but I don’t think he Mrs. many connections …

        3. John

          What, Amazi-Girl doesn’t wear glasses.

  21. Emoroffle

    I think polyamory could solve a good chunk of Danny’s problems.

    1. Kamino Neko

      I don’t. For polyamory to solve Danny’s problems, he’d have to be a person who could DO poly, healthily, and the way he’s been portrayed, he couldn’t.

      I don’t think Amber or Ethan could, either, but they’re not as obviously strongly monogamous as Danny, so I wouldn’t be nearly as surprised if they could.

      1. Merle

        I don’t know…have we really seen Danny to get jealous?

        1. Kamino Neko

          It’s not that I see Danny getting jealous (and since he’s the only one with multiple partners in the most likely poly scenario, ATM, it’s doubly unlikely), I see him neglecting one partner in favour of the other one. Which, even if it doesn’t induce actual jealousy in the other, would not make for a happy, healthy relationship.

        2. Luzahn

          Factor in Amber’s hangups about her boyfriends being attracted to men, I can’t see any part of that situation going well.

    2. Bagge

      I think it would only double his trouble. What he needs is a long, honest talk with his partner(s) of what they want from the relationship, long term and short term, where everyone gives and takes and finds common ground, and Danny is not very good at pushing for what he wants.

      Of course, for a poly relationship to have any chance of working you need that talk (true for a mono relationship as well, but it’s easier to skip that part and just follow the norm), so it might be a good catalyst for Danny to start thinking critically of how he views relationships.

      1. tyersome

        feministic man suggested yesterday that Danny was finding a way to get bi …

        1. Yotsuyasan

          Bi and poly are far from synonymous, though. One can be poly, and still only be attracted to one gender. Also, one can be bi, and still only want one partner at a time. It just means that they are open to both genders when looking for a partner.

          Obviously Danny is going through some internal issues because he is discovering he is attracted to both genders. But, as far as any relationship related issues, I don’t see what gender has to do with it at all, other then just to make it more confusing to Danny who hadn’t anticipated being attracted to men.

          But when you put that aside, you could still have a very similar story if Danny had decided to be in a relationship with Amazi-girl but found himself also attracted to another female. He could still catch himself thinking about this other female, and feeling guilty about those feelings, and needing to decide if he wants to remain committed to what he currently has or re-evaluate his options and move in a different direction.

          Personally, I hope he remains with Amazi-girl. I think it is what is best for Amber. Eventually, she needs to reintegrate the two halves of her personality, and it will be helpful if she can have someone who can support her through it that is already loving of both of her aspects. Also, her friendship with Ethan is still important to her, and I have a hard time seeing how either Danny leaving her for him or the three of them just ending up in some situation where they share Danny just wouldn’t stress the hell out of the Ethan/Amber friendship.

          Danny needs to stay with Amazi-girl/Amber.

          Ethan needs to stop being Joyce’s boyfriend. (Something I see happening soon, probably coming from Joyce’s end with her realization he can’t love her the way she wants, plus hopefully realizing it would be somewhat hypocritical to remain Ethan’s beard after telling Becky that her choices aren’t a mistake.) But I hope they dissolve things in a way that allows them to remain good friends. Then Ethan needs to find himself a piece of tasty man-flesh other then Danny.

          That might mean expanding the cast a bit, though… I don’t think any of the current male cast would be a good match with Ethan, alas.

        2. Bagge

          Amber would benefit from staying with Danny, but I’m not sure Danny would. He needs a partner who allows him to acknowledge their relationship in public. He feels sorry for Amber, guilty about dannying it up with Blaine and wants to help get. That’s admirable but a dangerous foundation for a romantic relationship. He would do much better as her Jimmie Olsen than her Louise Lane.

          Ethan would be equally problematic if he decides to stay in the closet.

      2. Paul

        I get the impression that people who think polyamory will solve everyone’s problems a) haven’t met any poly folk, and b) have read too much late Heinlein.

        1. Yotsuyasan

          Indeed. I don’t think this is a situation polyamory will solve. “Poly” doesn’t mean, “Danny dates two people, everyone lives happily ever after.” It means Danny has to openly date and express love for at least two separate people, and that both of these people have to be accepting of this and happy with the situation. And it would take a good deal of maturity and open communication, especially in the beginning, to avoid any hurt or misunderstanding.

          The chance of such a thing happening where Danny, Amazi-girl/Amber, and Ethan are involved? When pigs fly. When Joyce slips Becky some tongue. When Mike is kind and polite without alcoholic assistance.

        2. Paul

          BTW, is your gravatar supposed to be a jokerized Blaine O’Malley?

        3. Yotsuyasan

          Yes. Yes, it is. Because was there ever greater proof that two wrongs don’t make a right? Mwa ha ha ha ha…

        4. tyersome

          More like two wrongs make a fright?

        5. Yotsuyasan

          Good one!

        6. oldFart

          I think Yotsuyasan is tragically spot-on. I still want it to happen, though. They seem so right for each other. Alas, alas, it cannot be…

        7. Emoroffle

          I’m in a poly relationship and have never read Heinlein. I just think that the best case scenario for everyone in this triangle would be a healthy poly relationship. Emphasis on healthy. I may be biased in that it is also my current ship, and a fine vessel it is. Yar.

        8. Paul

          Are the other poly folk you know drama-free? I’m just saying that it isn’t a cure for anything. People who are drama-prone are going to have a drama-filled relationship, and if there are N people in the relationship, the possibile combinations for drama go up geometrically. You’re gonna have Amber-Danny drama, Danny-Ethan drama, Amber-Ethan drama, Amber-Danny-Ethan drama, oh, and if you add Amazi-Girl into the mix I gotta start my list over.

        9. Pilgrim

          In a poly relationship and friends with folks in others. All of these are multi-year relationships, and multi-year polycules only exist if everyone involved has already gotten good at preventing drama and handling communication.

          Once that happens they’re pretty damn stable. The ones that flame out beforehand really weren’t. Obviously.

        10. Emoroffle

          I never said he’d be drama free but it would help resolve a good chunk of his internalized issues.

        11. Bagge

          You’ve got a point. It would be good for Danny to at least consider it, I’m sure that would help him sort out some of his issues. As for practicalities there’s a good chance it wouldn’t be more messy than his mono relationships so far…

        12. Emoroffle

          To be fair, his relationships would be messy anyway. He’s Danny.

    3. JessWitt

      There hasn’t been a poly relationship in DoA yet, but it seems to be at the right time to introduce one into the fold here, if for experimentation’s sake.

  22. anon120934029384

    Why does everyone here seem to think you need to be a hypercompetent emotional superhero in order to be poly?

    All you need is for everyone to actually want to do it.

    1. Bagge

      Not emotional superheroes – just better at communication and opening up to each other than Danny, Amber and Ethan. That’s not a very high bar.

      All you need is for everyone to want to do it – and communicate it to each other – and if you don’t want the exact same thing, be able to find a compromise.

      Would Amber want to be included or only Amaziegirl? Would Ethan want to risk his heterosexual persona? Would Danny be OK with hiding parts of the relationship? (and this is given that Amber and Ethan really would want to try being part of the same relationship again). Would they be able to discuss these and other questions in a constructive way?

      Given what we’ve seen of them so far… well, they would have to go a long way.

    2. No Name

      Aye, there’s the rub. I don’t think anyone involved here wants a poly relationship.

      1. Yotsuyasan

        That is my impression, as well.

  23. Vangeln

    Is Amazi-girl inmune to cuddling?

  24. Baggy

    This

  25. Raznaak

    And I bet Joe enters in the morning and is surprised Danny wasn’t lying about Amazi-Girl, and immediately figures she’s Amber.
    Who’s taking the bet?

    1. Boomwolf

      Here’s hoping that happens in the funniest of ways.

      1. Paul

        Naw, the way to play it up for laughs is for Joe to go all “What? ANOTHER Dorothy clone? It’s great that you’re getting some, but that’s just messed up!”

  26. zmm

    2nd panel’s face shows worry XD

  27. A Nickel

    Just get to the three-some already (with Amber as the ghost four-some)

  28. Deathhead

    I’d cuddle with Amber.

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