162

Contacts
Posted on December 2, 2020 by David M Willis

162 thoughts on “Contacts”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    is this like the reverse racist version of Asian people (me) having slit eyes

    1. Clif

      Not sure, but I think this is Walky helping.

      1. StClair

        yes, “helping”

        1. Yet_One_More_Idiot

          “Joyce needs glasses” is also a 21st-century equivalent meme to “Dental plan! Lisa needs braces!” xD

      2. :0

        I think this is more like Walky filling it for Mike

        1. Fnord

          Walky needs to demand a nickel for filling it, then.

        2. Felix

          Mnjeez, quite.

        3. Yossarianduck

          The absence of Mike calls for division of his former duties. Walky is happy to do his share.

        4. Rycan

          Yes, it’s too much for one person alone to take on.

  2. Doctor_Who

    Dental Plan!

    …Oh wait, glasses, nevermind.

    1. Clif

      It’s preventative. Wearing glasses helps you avoid accidents where you lose your teeth.

      1. Clif

        a gag for Walky might serve a similar function.

        1. Agemegos

          Blinkers for Joe.

    2. NinjaNick

      Vision plan!

      1. Demoted Oblivious

        I Wanda if the school has one.

    3. Corneel

      May I introduce you to the Corinthian.

      1. Rheinman

        No, no you may not.

      2. MacareuxMoine

        Is there supposed to be just a placeholder graphic?

        1. hof1991

          Maybe this? From The Sandman https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/sandman/images/3/3e/Corinthian.png/revision/latest?cb=20151216193443

        2. thejeff

          That’s the right link, but you need to strip off the ending – everything after the .png

          https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/sandman/images/3/3e/Corinthian.png

    4. Androiddreams

      Lisa needs braces!

  3. Khantalas

    yeah but your sister

    wait she also wears glasses never mind

    1. Henry

      Gonna guess this is an off-hand way of also letting us know that Jocelyn(e?) hasn’t come out to Joyce over Winter Break.

      1. DailyBrad

        Yeah, I don’t think Joyce knows yet.

      2. Leorale

        Although Willis enjoys our tears and all that, I’d like to hope that this particular moment will happen onscreen.

      3. Suitora

        Joyce has two brothers, though. Jordan and the dickface who works for a megachurch or something. It doesn’t necessarily indicate either way. But she would probably mention “my sister wears glasses/contacts as well” if Jocelyne did come out.

        1. Arian

          She also wouldn’t say “all my brothers”, if she only meant two. Two is “both”. Or at least, that’s how it works in my dialect.

      4. Khyrin

        OR Joyce is keeping it under her hat to EVERYONE so she doesn’t slip up in front of the ‘rents/because Joycelene asked her to.

        1. Delicious Taffy

          Keeping knowledge of her loved one’s transness to herself in public? What is she, baseline respectful?

  4. butts

    i had the opposite experience in college where i lost my glasses one day and was like “y’know what this is fine actually”

    …it wasn’t, but i did manage to graduate without being able to read whiteboards from the back row

    1. Clif

      So the moral of the story is, set your butts in the first row.

    2. Mr D

      Damn I wish my eyes worked at that level. Without glasses I can’t read the whiteboard from front row

      1. Diane

        Same. Working on a computer all day probably never helps, but taking off my glasses means everything’s a blurred mess. Like, I can tell that’s a person, that’s probably my purse, there’s my drink, but don’t ask me to read anything that’s more than a few inches from my face.

  5. Bicycle Bill

    I can just see Joyce coming up with a pair of classic 1950s ‘cat-eye’-type retro ‘girls’ frame’ glasses, complete with the sequins or rhinestones or whatever.

    1. DailyBrad

      That sounds freaking adorable, so hey, all for that.

    2. Slartibeast Button, BIA

      Now picturing Joyce as a snake from “The Far Side.”

      1. Opus the Poet

        That was a default for every presenting as female character in that comic. Not just the snakes, although it might have been used to define the snakes as female.

    3. Doctor_Who

      Dorothy will try to steer her toward more sensible models, Becky will be 100% for the wacky ones.

      1. Nono

        Joyce gets dinosaur rimmed glasses and that’s how Becky and Dina hatched a plan for a trio relationship.

        1. vlademir1

          Becky I could see veering toward poly, Dina and Joyce not so much.

    4. Keulen

      I’d like to see Joyce trying on different pairs of glasses.

      1. DSL

        She could have a glasses montage.

        1. Needfuldoer

          Like that time Calvin picked out sunglasses.

          (No to the throwback cat-eye frames though. Sorry, but to me they scream “cranky playground monitor”.)

        2. Sunny

          Grown-ups really do have no taste, because those glasses are awesome.

        3. Clif

          They really are. Where can you buy them in our universe?

  6. BBCC

    Walky and Joyce are the BEST when they’re not romantic.

    1. Yenklette

      They are! I kinda can’t shake the feeling he’s being extra-littlebro with Joyce right now because one of his other bigsis figures has basically disowned him.

      1. Clif

        He’s very good at seeing patterns and catching on quickly. That doesn’t always equate to being smart.

        1. Clif

          This was a reply to Zor below. ?

  7. DailyBrad

    Walky, don’t pick on Joyce and her anime eyes.

    1. MacareuxMoine

      Yeah, he’s leaning on the fourth wall here. It’s hopefully solid enough.

  8. Nono

    Walky’s jokes are probably just about crossing the line into being mean now.

    1. Lumino

      In his defense, Joyce is being unreasonably stubborn, and that’s why he’s pushing harder.

      If she just said “Maybe I do need them,” Walky would have dropped it, because then provoking her isn’t funny.

  9. Stephen Bierce

    *plays Jackson Browne’s “Doctor My Eyes” on the hacked Muzak*

  10. Kravis

    Joyce needs glasses.

    Glasses and glasses of booze to deal with Walky’s… Walkyness.

    1. Reltzik

      I don’t think Joyce is ready for booze.

      For that matter, I don’t think WE’RE ready for Joyce on booze. I mean, what kind of drunk would she be? Weepy? Uninhibited? Depressed? No-Filter-stream-of-consciousness? … okay, that one I wouldn’t mind seeing from her.

      1. Rabid Rabbit

        Honestly? I think she’d be a depends-on-her-mood-before-she-started-drinking drunk. So possibly all of the above. She’s angry so she starts drinking, and bam!, she’s breaking windows. She’s sad so she starts drinking, and bam!, she practically suicidal. She’s horny and she starts drinking… and oh dear god please tell me a good friend is nearby to get her away before she makes a horrible mistake.

        1. Mr D

          Woops, too late. She jumped Walky’s bones. And Dorothy’s. And now both at the same time.

      2. Johan

        Really bummed we don’t get to see happy drunk Mike in this series. 🙁

        1. Felix

          This.

  11. Keulen

    I love how fast Walky figured out that Joyce needs glasses.

    1. Zor

      It honestly serves as a great reminder that in spite of his issues with paying attention, he’s still really freaking smart

      1. Clif

        I replied to this and the Internet gnomes moved it up the page.

        1. SeanR

          High Int, low Wis. (Yes, I’ve used that reference before, and at that time someone pointed out that observational skills were based on Wis.)

        2. DSL

          There are different sorts of smart.
          Intellectual smart
          Common sense smart
          Emotionally smart
          Smart a$$
          As with the Four Humours of old, each of us is made of different proportions of each.

        3. Demoted Oblivious

          No Street Smarts?

        4. Delicious Taffy

          Streets aren’t smart, they’re inanimate constructs of tar and stone, don’t be fucking ridiculous. The imagination on people today will be the death of society.

        5. NickG

          Danny the Street was very smart, possibly even fabulous.

        6. Felix

          Ah yes, I’m the kinda smart with the dollar signs in it…

      2. Needfuldoer

        Dumbiverse!Walky may have (undiagnosed) ADHD, but that doesn’t mean he’s oblivious.

        1. Reltzik

          Often those of us with ADHD have trouble staying focused precisely because we AREN’T oblivious. THE WORLD HAS SO MANY SHINY THINGS!

        2. Geneseepaws

          Squirrel! Oooooww, wanna ride bikes?

  12. Jabberwocky

    I miss Joyce and Walky being cute together 🙁

  13. Bagge

    Yes, yes. Shut up Walky. I want to see more of the sweet, constructive and potentially supportive panel 2 Lucy/Joyce action.

    1. egg egg

      I agree so hard. I want them to become besties. Especially since Billie doesn’t wanna be Joyce’s friend anymore 🙁

  14. Nah

    Walky you aren’t supposed to comment on the artstyle and her giant ass eyes.

    1. poofdepoof

      Haha yes, my thoughts exactly. “Joyce’s big eyes… Are canon???”

      1. Bogeywoman

        Oh, man. Still not as bad as finding out the truth about the powerful girls.

    2. Reltzik

      Why not? Mike’s gone and we need SOMEONE to lean on the fourth wall.

  15. Lingo

    When I loaded this page the first time, the “Dumbing of Age” banner just over the strip was the one that features the artwork from the final panel of this very strip! So, uh, watch for that I guess.

  16. Teddae

    i actually cant wait to see her with glasses on!!

    1. BenRG

      Yeah, me too. I’m sure that Willis already has a long list of “who is this new cute nerdy girl?” jokes already lined up to go from Joe and maybe Booster!

  17. Clif

    Alt text, neither has Joyce. She needs glasses.

    1. Rycan

      Good one!

  18. Chronos

    Oh, neat. The header matches the last panel! I was wondering when thar would start happening.

  19. Uly

    Sigh. So this is being funny, but what happened is that clearly Joyce’s parents don’t believe in going to the optometrist until somebody else notices the vision problems.

    All children, whether you think they have vision problems or not, should go to the optometrist yearly from age 5 – or earlier, but I accept that you can’t actually get people to bring their pre-readers in unless they already know there’s a problem. Adults should go every two or three years, again, whether you think you have vision problems or not. Seniors should go back on a yearly schedule.

    Wearing glasses does not make vision problems worse. Some people still think that. It’s not true.

    1. Maddieface

      Honestly I just assumed going to the optometrist in America bankrupts you just like interacting with any other part of the health system.

      1. Needfuldoer

        Vision and Dental are both add-ons that don’t fall under most general health insurance plans. In practice they’re usually completely separate systems with their own separate copays, limits, care provider networks.

        Yes, if you didn’t think the American for-profit insurance industry wasn’t complicated and bloated enough as it is, we get to deal with it thrice! At least they’re not quite as bloated as the “main” health insurance plans…)

        1. SuperZero

          Vision insurance as an add-on is so weird. The entire point of insurance (in general, not just health insurance) is that a large group pays into the pool and the people who need it get paid out of the pool when a need arises.

          …except I know in advance whether I have a need there. I know that I do.
          It’s also weird that some people are allowed to see for free. Wild.

        2. JBento

          That’s not the point of insurance – that’s the point of socialised healthcare. As Needfuldoer pointed out, the point of insurance is to MAKE MONEY.

        3. drs

          The point of *buying* insurance is to pay in a bit over time to insure yourself against big risks you couldn’t handle, like your house burning down or getting cancer. It’s pooling risk. It makes a lot less sense for predictable and bounded expenses like getting check ups or tooth cleanings. It also makes less sense for any losses that you could easily cover out of pocket, since insurance will be more expensive even if it’s non-profit.

        4. thejeff

          Yes and no.

          On a personal level, that’s kind of how it works. On a larger level though, it’s to pool the money so that the few whose houses burn down can get them fixed, even though they won’t, even over time, put in enough money to fix them.

          And while it may not seem to make sense directly for check ups, cleanings and other stuff you can cover out of pocket, it does make sense, since if those things are covered, people will do them more often and then the big problems may get caught when they’re smaller and cheaper to fix. Most obvious example is something like vaccines – there’s obviously a cost to vaccinate people, but you can vaccinate a lot of people for the cost of treating one who gets hospitalized, so it’s actually a net savings to cover vaccinations if that gets enough more people to take them.

        5. drs

          I don’t see how your first paragraph is any different from what I said.

          And yes, an insurer might incentivize preventive stuff, like home fire insurance requiring or offering lower rates for sprinklers or something.

        6. Needfuldoer

          The problem is, healthcare providers saw dollar signs and jacked prices sky high because “insurance is paying for it”. There’s gold in them thar premiums! Premiums that go up across the board to pay for said provider markups, of course, but higher premiums means more cash in the trough for the industry to gorge itself on.

          The problem snowballs until you eventually end up where we are now: paying out the nose for care that’s substandard in comparison to the rest of the first world.

      2. Needfuldoer

        So you either pay for vision and dental every month in addition to the “main” insurance plan, or you forego those plans and pay the optometrist and dentist 100% out-of-pocket.

        On the vision side, glasses usually cost at least a couple hundred for good frames and another couple hundred for basic plastic lenses. (If you want them to be multi-vision, anti-scratch, anti-glare, extra thin, or photochromatic, each of those is an additional charge.) A twice-per-year dental exam is around $100 before insurance, including annual X-rays. A simple filling is a couple hundred dollars, which insurance usually completely covers unless you want a resin (as opposed to metal) filling material.

        Welcome to ‘Merica, where meat vehicle maintenance is a revenue stream and the people who stand to gain the most from changing that have been programmed to be dead set in maintaining the status quo.

        1. JBento

          JFC, MY glasses cost slightly over €100, and that’s because I’m part mole and they have to come with all the bells (extra thin, everything-resistant), because nobody makes lenses in my graduation WITHOUT those things (I can’t even imagine what the lenses would be if they WEREN’T extra-thin), no insurance involved.

        2. Needfuldoer

          Yeah, there’s nothing stopping us from getting our prescription and measurements from the optometrist and using it to order cheap glasses online. The problem is that marketing says “glasses are expensive, , because they just are, be thankful you have a vision plan” so everything at the office costs a ton.

          See also: the stories of the generic hospital aspirin that costs $100 per pill.

        3. JBento

          Yeah, but that’s not what I do. I get my eyes checked at an ophtalmologist (it’s about €60) adn then I get the glasses ordered through a professional shop, and that costs the slightly over €100 thing.

          Wrt the pill thing, I was more surprised when Willin posted his hospital invoice and they were charhing like 50 bucks for a pair of gloves – 50 bucks gets you like three boxes of the things at a pharmacy.

        4. Bicycle Bill

          JBento said — (I can’t even imagine what the lenses would be if they WEREN’T extra-thin).

          Something like this, perhaps?

        5. JBento

          That looks either accurate or a conservative estimation – my current “extra thins” are slightly over half a centimeter thick, and these are from a couple fo years ago already.

      3. Johan

        It’s like $50 but glasses weren’t cheap at all until recently.

      4. Uly

        The visit is cheap. The glasses are pricey. I actually order my glasses online now.

    2. JBento

      Joyce seemed to have no problems seeing last semester. Maybe her vision was fine until now.

      1. anonymsly

        I would bet that her vision isn’t that bad, all things considered. Joyce had no noticeable problems in the middle row – whatever problems she had were manageable/hideable. In the back, though? Ten feet or whatever can be a lot in nearsightedness.

    3. Sam

      Joyce can probably mask it best as her eye problems are likely still relatively minor or recent and haven’t caused a problem before.

  20. bea

    I got glasses the January of my second semester of my freshman year of college, too, so that’s kind of funny that the timing is so similar.

    1. Demoted Oblivious

      That is neat for you indeed. It is another occurence of what mathematicians call the Birthday Paradox. If random people are put in a room, what are the odds that any two have the same birthday? Low right? However, as the number of people in the room climbs the odds of a double birthday climbs very quickly. (It takes 23 or fewer people to reach 50%). So while it seems weird to you since you specifically won, it’s increasingly likely that *someone* in this crowd got their glasses in Uni 2nd Semester. Not as likely as people sharing birthdays maybe, but our perception of the likelihood doesn’t align with the actual probability.

      None of that removes our sense of the feeling that it’s neat though, and that’s pretty cool. Kind of like how we see faces in everything. Even given that we know our brains are *hard-wired* for face recognition, when we see two adjacent dots above a line, we still say, “oh neat, it has a face.”

  21. ZerglingOne

    Walky on fire with the humor today. The gentle-but-exponential escalation of size had me laughing quite heartily.

    1. Demoted Oblivious

      Very good, however I do feel the escalation was more linear than exponential.

      Frisbee 8-10″
      Pizza (Medium/Large): 12-14″
      Hubcaps (Walky wouldn’t buy mags?): 15+”

      Because what this world needs is *more* obstinate pedantry. It makes it easier to bring in the harvest from the fields.

  22. BenRG

    Yeah, I did kind of think that Joyce would just keep doubling-down on denial in this matter!

  23. Reltzik

    …. okay, Walky just told Dorothy and Becky. Joyce is DEFINITELY getting glasses now. (Or contacts or something.)

    1. Needfuldoer

      Not contacts. You expect Joyce of all people to touch her eyeballs every day?

      1. Reltzik

        Nope. But I do think it’s possible that she’ll get contacts without thinking though what that entails, and we’ll get a week’s worth of Joyce faces as she tries (and fails) to work up the courage to use them, and then a year’s worth of comics where she pretends to everyone that she’s wearing them while failing math.

        …. WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE DOCTOR WILL FIT YOU FOR THEM? Dammit, Reality, stop ruining the best stories!

    2. GeekyWarrior

      The bigger problem is she most likely needs her parent’s insurance information to do so and that’s not exactly something Joyce probably wants to go through right now.

      1. drs

        She should already have insurance information, because basic prudence.

        1. Reltzik

          But she won’t, because basic dumbing.

  24. Needfuldoer

    Oh, hey! So that’s where that header panel came from!

  25. Rabid Rabbit

    Clearly, Willis has grown tired of playing with butts, and has now decided to concentrate on his other fetish for a while.

    1. Reltzik

      He can play with butts AND girls with glasses. You know, multitasking.

      1. Deanatay

        butts is clearly a disease, whilst glasses are a fetish.

  26. Reltzik

    More seriously, here’s how to get Joyce to wear glasses.

    1) Banish Walky. He will not help.
    2) Lucy, Dorothy, and Becky will sit down with Joyce for lunch.
    3) They pull up one of those phone apps that show you what you look like with different types of glasses, and start seeing what, say, Becky looks like with narrow rainbow frames or Dorothy with huge ol’ goggles.
    4) Ask Joyce to help them with this game of imaginary eye dress-up. Playing dress-up on her friends is one of Joyce’s top five favorite things, so yes.
    5) Include Joyce by picking out glasses for HER, too.
    6) Find a set that she really really really loves.
    7) While she’s admiring how they look, bring up the question of whether she’d like to get glasses.
    8) Fail because Lucy insisted you skip Step 1.

    1. Jon Rich

      I love this plan of yours! That’s really, really incredible, priming her like that!

    2. BenRG

      That is certainly an enlightened and kind way to handle it. Which is why it is almost certain to not actually happen.

    3. thejeff

      Walky’s already helped. He’s the one who brought it up, not letting her keep pretending and now he’s told Dorothy and Becky.

      They can take over now, which is probably best, but it was Walky who got the ball rolling in his inimitable fashion.

      1. JBento

        Walky’s help is sort of like getting the Kool Aid Man to do interior renovation – it gets done, but there’s rubble.

  27. SpaceshipPilot

    Did we skip a strip? I feel like this glasses conversation came out of left field a bit. I guess she was having trouble seeing the board earlier.

    1. BenRG

      Willis camouflaged the set-up with the comedy when Joyce realises that Sal and Walky don’t take notes.

    2. Daibhid C

      Walky first suggests Joyce needs glasses here. The trouble seeing the board is confirmatory.

      1. Daibhid C

        Oh, hey, my HTML didn’t work. Here:
        https://www.dumbingofage.com/2020/comic/book-11/02-look-straight-ahead/theback/

  28. Lone Duck

    Oh boy, this is going to be a ‘spectacle’. *grins stupidly*

    1. Reltzik

      Eye see what you did there.

      1. Clif

        Can we be your pupils?

        1. Reltzik

          Sure. Iris-spect your punning talent.

    2. Bysmerian

      I admit the topic lens itself to puns.

  29. BenRG

    Oh…

    Is the chapter title – “Look Straight Ahead” – actually just about Joyce getting glasses? :-p

  30. DarkoNeko

    All my family wears glasses but I’m just tired ! 😀

    1. Needfuldoer

      Translation: “I’ve been able to get away with forced focusing and a little squinting up until now.”

      1. BenRG

        I wonder if Joyce will get a better reputation with glasses because she’ll no longer seem to be scowling so much?

  31. Josh Spicer

    Meh. I made it until 2nd grade before my family bought me glasses. Joyce making it this far is honestly an achievement.

    1. drs

      Eyesight gets worse. I did fine in college. In grad school some years later, I had gotten glasses just to get my first driver’s license, but I found that I needed the glasses in class as well, especially if not sitting up front. For a good while I think I was only wearing glasses in class, but these days it’s pretty much full time, except maybe if I’m reading my phone up close.

      1. Sam

        Yep. This is why there is a myth glasses make your eyes worse. They don’t. Eyesight degrades over time as you age and eyes can be fickle and degrade quickly when you don’t expect it. Not wearing glasses wouldn’t stop this, it would just mean you can’t see.

  32. Shanunu

    Is Walky even one to talk? His contacts would be aspheric in a whole new meaning of the term

  33. :0

    These two are sooo getting married.

    1. Needfuldoer

      Yeah right, maybe in some other universe.

  34. hof1991

    Joyce needs glasses and there are Becky and Dorothy waiting for her. Three girls shopping for a fashion item. It’s not a set up for glasses. It’s a set up for the three of them to chat.

  35. Rabisch

    Joyce nerd to confront her problem. Let’s hope Dorothy and Becky will help her in this.

  36. Diane

    I like how Walky learned nothing from an old conversation with Sal of “When someone says leave it, you leave it!”. And by like I mean Walky, if Becky was straight, you’d be made for each other with your ability to annoy all you pester into oblivion.

    https://www.dumbingofage.com/2015/comic/book-5/02-threes-a-crowd/foranybody/

    1. thejeff

      Except in this case, if he just left it, Joyce would keep on pretending she didn’t need glasses.

  37. crow

    If Joyce wasn’t a cartoon character, Walky teasing her about having big eyes would seem a lot like flirting

  38. Heather

    Like if Joyce needs glasses it’s possible she’ll have to contact her dad for getting hooked up with funding for it.

    Wonder how things are going with him? Still married? Maybe we’ll get an update on that when Joyce accepts the possibility.

  39. Yugnat

    I feel like Joyce wearing glasses is going to be yet an another trial for Becky to mentally overcome.

  40. GutterChick

    Just be like me and have vision problems based on neurological issues. Have one eye that can’t at all focus and wonder every day of your life what other people see with their stereoscopic vision instead of everything being 2D.

    Technically don’t need glasses for that

    1. LiterallyJustSomeGuy

      Honestly, from what I can tell, stereoscopic vision isn’t much different from 2D and depth perception is barely a real thing. What I find much more valuable is the larger field of vision that two eyes provide, and even then it’s mostly useful when riding a bicycle or otherwise operating a moving vehicle.

      Then again, my eyesight isn’t perfect, I now need glasses, and I’m below average at estimating distances, so stereoscopic might exist for other people more than me.

    2. Zach

      Puzzling out a picture from 2 poorly overlapped pictures actually left my with an amazing picture. I can see the sweat pools on my fingerprints!

  41. GeekRyuu

    We figured out that I needed glasses when I was seven and accused the teacher of moving the board further away.

    The board that was, y’know, permanently affixed to the wall.

  42. misanthropope

    i believe you mean “we havent seen rawles hall’s BUTT before”

  43. Hinonron

    The need to wear glasses has become vastly more common in recent decades, as more of us spend more time looking at screens 30-40cm from our faces.
    Nearsightedness is nearly unavoidable as our eyes adapt to the task they’re most often put to.

    Look on the bright side; when we age, we’re likely to lose our near-distance vision also. Bifocals for everyone! ^_^

    1. Hinonron

      Although… the upside of glasses wearing becoming vastly more common is the stigma of “nerdiness” for wearing them is pretty much long-dead by this point.

    2. Vukodlak

      Which is funny because there’s no evidence that staring at screens causes permanent eye damage.

      1. Mra

        It might not be eye damage, but simply that when you spend a lot of time looking at small text on a cell phone screen only a few inches wide you are more likely to notice a need for glasses.

      2. Mra

        I mean if your vision is just a little bit blurry you won’t need them for most things.

      3. Hinonron

        Not really damage, but adaptation. I did it to my own eyes reading paper books excessively while growing up. The fear-mongering over screens is a different thing.
        Conversely, being nearsighted, I can focus my eyes to a noticeably shorter focal length than most people, allowing me to read uncommonly tiny text that others cannot. It’s like the world’s lamest super power. 😛

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