Some jeans have real pockets. I have a new pair of capris that I love … and they have a zip attached to a FAKE POCKET. Not even one of those things you cut open and can use. No no, there’s nothing, not even room for lipstick.
Worse, I’ve noticed a disturbing new trend in women’s slacks.
They put a couple stitches across the pocket, so when you go into the changing room to try them on, they lay flat and look good…but this means if you buy them, you a) don’t know what they’re really going to look like and b) don’t know what type of pocket you’ll get.
Ok, so the type of pocket can usually be figured out by looking inside the pants…but still.
This actually isn’t a new trend. They’ve done this with higher-end slacks and also suits (both women’s and men’s) for ages. It’s so that they keep their shape better during the transportation and so they don’t get roughed up since fabric can lose its shape and stiffness over time, especially if a bunch of people try them on (and since they’re still in the store, they don’t get washed or pressed between customers, so the shape can warp).
Annie
The newest pairs of jeans I got don’t have any pockets in the front at all. They look, from the outside, like they do, but they’re sewn together right along the stitching that would outline the opening of the pocket. I recall briefly noticing this when I tried them on, but didn’t think much of it since I’ve had a few pairs that I had to use a sea ripper after I bought them to open the pocket. I didn’t even think to look inside the jeans.
The first time I wore them I went to put a small toy my son kept dropping while we were shopping in my pocket and was quite frustrated when I realized there wasn’t one. Ever time I wear them I end up getting mad all over again when I go to put my lipgloss in my pocket or stow a tissue or something.
HentMas
Double table flip, I´m impressed
Richie Rich
Who cares if they are comfy; all that matter is if they are cute…
Tachyon
I do believe you’ve hit upon the ideology that caused this mess in the first place.
Yes, it is one of my wife’s biggest peeves. womens suits are worse, as a lot of them HAVE pockets, but have seams sown to shrink the pockets that you have to take out to make them usable.
It’s possible you’re not aware of how pockets are ACTUALLY supposed to be, if you’ve always worn girl pants. The first time I bought and wore a pair of boys’ cargos I was like, “Q_Q I didn’t know pockets could be this useful.”
Seriously though. I’ve never had this problem with my jeans, but finding a pair of slacks or any other form of non-jean pants with real pockets? Practically impossible. What the heck?
I have found one brand that reliably has real pockets, and fits me well. Strangely enough, almost every pair of pants I buy is now that brand. You’d think the manufacturers might pick up on this! (Alfred Dunner, in case anyone is wondering what counter-culture company is putting pants in women’s slacks….)
Laura
Pockets. I swear I meant “pockets in wmoen’s slacks” not pants in them. LOL.
Evil, I would agree, if I lived other than northern MN, where we’ve just had a winter during which TWO THIRDS of our nights were below zero and only four days from Thanksgiving to Equinox when temps went above freezing…
Guys’ clothes are starting to have the vanity sizing and such as well, but not nearly as bad. I’ve given up on trying to guess my wife’s size and just tell her I’m planning on buying her a shirt/whatever and ask what size she is.
Won’t help. You need to ask what size and manufacturer/designer. And you can’t even trust that to stay the same from one line to the next. Walmart sizing is closest to actual sizes, I think to reduce the number of returned items.
Laura
THIS. Size X fits me in brand Y? But only in cuts Z and Q. In cut R it will attempt to perform gastric (and skin) bypass surgery on me, and in cut T it will sag embarrassingly low, in a look more fit for teenage hangouts several years ago than, well, anywhere I go.
Kryss LaBryn
UGH this. My husband is easy to buy pants for: 28 leg 32 waist. Wait–the waist is too big? Fine; here’s a 28 leg and a 30 waist. try that one. Me? “Okay, I like the look of these so let’s try a 10 and a 12 and a 14–oh look this size fits my waist but the legs are too short. WELL GUESS I’D BETTER FIND A WHOLE NEW STYLE OF PANTS THEN BECAUSE ALL LEGS ARE THE SAME LENGTH.”
Stupid women’s clothing sizes. I wonder how much money they’re losing out on by doing it this way instead of the guy way? Because I only buy pants when my old pairs are falling apart and too ripped to wear. I’d buy them more often but it’s such a horrible, depressing process I just don’t bother.
Apparently, if you’re female, when your waist/hip size fluctuates, so does your leg length. Who knew?
Yorkie Lass
I was only talking about this with my husband the other day. He wanted man achievement points for buying me clothes for Christmas that fit and didn’t need taking back to the store for a different size, and I agreed he deserved them.
He said it was unfair – I know his waist, inside leg, chest and collar size, and can buy clothes for him and instantly know they will fit. He has to go to the store with a ream of instructions and about 300 different measurements: inside leg, waist, hip, bust, underbust, dress size, grouped dress size, bra size, you name it. Then, there is store to store variation. I have to tell him different dress sizes for different stores, and different sizes in the same store depending on the cut of the garment. It would be enough to make most sane men run for the hills, so the fact that he gives it a go, nevermind succeeded on this occasion, doesn’t just deserve achievement points and a merit stamp on his man card, it deserves a freaking medal.
After he’d basked in the afterglow of ‘I done good, didn’t I’, for a bit, he reflected that stuff like this is a total nightmare for ladies and he’s amazed we don’t go loco and have a ‘Falling Down’ style meltdown in the fitting rooms every fortnight or so. Maybe we should – that might encourage stores to sort their shizz out.
Romanticide
I was frustated with a coat I had thinking it only had fake pockets… turned out the fake pockets had real pockets inside! or acording to my mom “they jjust sew the pocket so it doesn’t lose the shape before the customers buy it O.o
a4lbi
…wat
Pete Mack
So true. I got something some levis jeans that I thought just had a generous cut. It turned out they had 2 extra I the waist. Later I took up bicycling; now those pants don’t fit at all!
Yet-One-More-Idiot
Also, if a guy needs to wear a suit, there’s a reasonable chance it’ll come with fake pockets too. For some reason, when wearing a suit, you’re expected not to need to carry anything on your person….
they are just sewn together, I have found those pockets too, but more often than not you can cut them open to be made real working pockets.
if they are indeed fake, its a cheaper suit that knows men don’t really use their vest pockets
Yet-One-More-Idiot
Yeah, my suits “pockets” were totally fake; they were flaps on the suit jacket that buttoned down but there wasn’t actually any pocket under the flap like there should be.
Admittedly, as you say, you get what you pay for with a suit, and for a suit £120 isn’t much…xD
HentMas
“it depends, for pants i usually go small but if its too small my navel will pop out so, if they are super tight jeans try to find me a pair that are slightly larger than small, look, this is my normal sized pants and my slim fit pants, and here are my sweat pants, take measurements.”
“you know what??? come with me, we can choose your gift together”
I keep thinking there’s a hypothetical drawer which slides in where the sink would be…
Kinoko
THIS.
Kryss LaBryn
I’ve seen a kitchen sink where that fake drawer actually swung open by flipping down about 45 degrees, to reveal a small, vented, kind of V-shaped place for holding your sponges and scrubbies. Just fit nicely in the space between the drawer front and the sink.
Hermione got so frustrated that she turned the vanity drawer in per parent’s kitchen into a real drawer using a bag of holding spell. Her parents use the drawer all the time but never put two and two together.
I had to wear a tux the other day, and not only were the outside pockets fake, the nifty hidden inside ones were fake too! Trolling at its perfection-Polo
I don’t buy pants unless the pockets are deep enough for me to keep a shit ton of pencils in them. Cuz 1. I like to draw. and 2. I really hope someone tries to rob me and gets stabbed by like 12 pencils.
I wish I couldb e choosy with my pocket depth because shallow pockets are annoying as feck…but it’s a pain in the butt to find pants that will fit me to begin with…everything is either the right waiste size but too short or long enough but too narrow! According to pants maker you can only be short and fat or tall and skinny. Sometimes really tall and really fat but never tall and bulky!
Khrene Cleaver
Are you a girl? If so have you tried looking in men’s jeans?
Also try cargo pants, folks I know seem to have better luck with those.
TheOtherDibbler
Sadly some of us have pelvises that just Do Not Work with men’s pants. 🙁
Yotomoe
You just need powerful belts.
Undrave
No, I’m a man, but I’ve had my keys or change slip out of my pockets when sitting down with some pants.
Pete Mack
Try an old fashioned label like Levis or Lee. They still use inseam/length measurements, and they have different styles for different body types. I can’t stand designer labels because they have hopelessly limited sizes.
445 thoughts on “Girlpants”
Idon'tcarenomore
Funny but true
Ali
Really? I have always worn women’s jeans and have never had this problem. Have I just been lucky to have found pants with proper pockets?
Ipstenu (Mika Epstein)
Some jeans have real pockets. I have a new pair of capris that I love … and they have a zip attached to a FAKE POCKET. Not even one of those things you cut open and can use. No no, there’s nothing, not even room for lipstick.
(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻)
But they’re soooo comfy.
Cheryl
THE STRUGGLE IS REAL!!!!! ┻━┻ ︵ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ︵ ┻━┻
David
Close enough.
Shadlyn Wolfe
Worse, I’ve noticed a disturbing new trend in women’s slacks.
They put a couple stitches across the pocket, so when you go into the changing room to try them on, they lay flat and look good…but this means if you buy them, you a) don’t know what they’re really going to look like and b) don’t know what type of pocket you’ll get.
Ok, so the type of pocket can usually be figured out by looking inside the pants…but still.
Jen
This actually isn’t a new trend. They’ve done this with higher-end slacks and also suits (both women’s and men’s) for ages. It’s so that they keep their shape better during the transportation and so they don’t get roughed up since fabric can lose its shape and stiffness over time, especially if a bunch of people try them on (and since they’re still in the store, they don’t get washed or pressed between customers, so the shape can warp).
Annie
The newest pairs of jeans I got don’t have any pockets in the front at all. They look, from the outside, like they do, but they’re sewn together right along the stitching that would outline the opening of the pocket. I recall briefly noticing this when I tried them on, but didn’t think much of it since I’ve had a few pairs that I had to use a sea ripper after I bought them to open the pocket. I didn’t even think to look inside the jeans.
The first time I wore them I went to put a small toy my son kept dropping while we were shopping in my pocket and was quite frustrated when I realized there wasn’t one. Ever time I wear them I end up getting mad all over again when I go to put my lipgloss in my pocket or stow a tissue or something.
HentMas
Double table flip, I´m impressed
Richie Rich
Who cares if they are comfy; all that matter is if they are cute…
Tachyon
I do believe you’ve hit upon the ideology that caused this mess in the first place.
the leaking pen
Yes, it is one of my wife’s biggest peeves. womens suits are worse, as a lot of them HAVE pockets, but have seams sown to shrink the pockets that you have to take out to make them usable.
Akahane
It’s possible you’re not aware of how pockets are ACTUALLY supposed to be, if you’ve always worn girl pants. The first time I bought and wore a pair of boys’ cargos I was like, “Q_Q I didn’t know pockets could be this useful.”
JaneDoe
Seriously though. I’ve never had this problem with my jeans, but finding a pair of slacks or any other form of non-jean pants with real pockets? Practically impossible. What the heck?
Laura
I have found one brand that reliably has real pockets, and fits me well. Strangely enough, almost every pair of pants I buy is now that brand. You’d think the manufacturers might pick up on this! (Alfred Dunner, in case anyone is wondering what counter-culture company is putting pants in women’s slacks….)
Laura
Pockets. I swear I meant “pockets in wmoen’s slacks” not pants in them. LOL.
Ryune
Girl Pants suck in a myriad of ways. Pocket depth being only scratching the surface.
Yotomoe
2. They cover up the girl. In fact, boy pants do that too! Pants suck!
EvilPenguin
Clothing is stupid
Ideal Jeri
Evil, I would agree, if I lived other than northern MN, where we’ve just had a winter during which TWO THIRDS of our nights were below zero and only four days from Thanksgiving to Equinox when temps went above freezing…
Jack Faire
3 they hug the curves pants rock
Yotomoe
4. I can hug people’s curves too! People just never ask!
Gadgeteer Smashwidget
Everyone’s gonna be wearing a Yotomoe next season. Calling it.
Yotomoe
I go with everything!
N0083rP00F
even parsley?
Vincent
I go with parsley.
That didn’t come out right.
Coru
Nothing really goes with parsley. It’s just a garnish.
Kevin
That really depends on the pants
Shadow12000
Pants are inexcusable.
morgreth
I prefer my kilt anyway.
Mr.hatt
Man skirts are always and forever the best option for comfort.
Raibean
Non-uniform sizing standards being another!
Matthew Davis
Guys’ clothes are starting to have the vanity sizing and such as well, but not nearly as bad. I’ve given up on trying to guess my wife’s size and just tell her I’m planning on buying her a shirt/whatever and ask what size she is.
Opus the Poet
Won’t help. You need to ask what size and manufacturer/designer. And you can’t even trust that to stay the same from one line to the next. Walmart sizing is closest to actual sizes, I think to reduce the number of returned items.
Laura
THIS. Size X fits me in brand Y? But only in cuts Z and Q. In cut R it will attempt to perform gastric (and skin) bypass surgery on me, and in cut T it will sag embarrassingly low, in a look more fit for teenage hangouts several years ago than, well, anywhere I go.
Kryss LaBryn
UGH this. My husband is easy to buy pants for: 28 leg 32 waist. Wait–the waist is too big? Fine; here’s a 28 leg and a 30 waist. try that one. Me? “Okay, I like the look of these so let’s try a 10 and a 12 and a 14–oh look this size fits my waist but the legs are too short. WELL GUESS I’D BETTER FIND A WHOLE NEW STYLE OF PANTS THEN BECAUSE ALL LEGS ARE THE SAME LENGTH.”
Stupid women’s clothing sizes. I wonder how much money they’re losing out on by doing it this way instead of the guy way? Because I only buy pants when my old pairs are falling apart and too ripped to wear. I’d buy them more often but it’s such a horrible, depressing process I just don’t bother.
Apparently, if you’re female, when your waist/hip size fluctuates, so does your leg length. Who knew?
Yorkie Lass
I was only talking about this with my husband the other day. He wanted man achievement points for buying me clothes for Christmas that fit and didn’t need taking back to the store for a different size, and I agreed he deserved them.
He said it was unfair – I know his waist, inside leg, chest and collar size, and can buy clothes for him and instantly know they will fit. He has to go to the store with a ream of instructions and about 300 different measurements: inside leg, waist, hip, bust, underbust, dress size, grouped dress size, bra size, you name it. Then, there is store to store variation. I have to tell him different dress sizes for different stores, and different sizes in the same store depending on the cut of the garment. It would be enough to make most sane men run for the hills, so the fact that he gives it a go, nevermind succeeded on this occasion, doesn’t just deserve achievement points and a merit stamp on his man card, it deserves a freaking medal.
After he’d basked in the afterglow of ‘I done good, didn’t I’, for a bit, he reflected that stuff like this is a total nightmare for ladies and he’s amazed we don’t go loco and have a ‘Falling Down’ style meltdown in the fitting rooms every fortnight or so. Maybe we should – that might encourage stores to sort their shizz out.
Romanticide
I was frustated with a coat I had thinking it only had fake pockets… turned out the fake pockets had real pockets inside! or acording to my mom “they jjust sew the pocket so it doesn’t lose the shape before the customers buy it O.o
a4lbi
…wat
Pete Mack
So true. I got something some levis jeans that I thought just had a generous cut. It turned out they had 2 extra I the waist. Later I took up bicycling; now those pants don’t fit at all!
Yet-One-More-Idiot
Also, if a guy needs to wear a suit, there’s a reasonable chance it’ll come with fake pockets too. For some reason, when wearing a suit, you’re expected not to need to carry anything on your person….
Emma
It’s the briefcase/suit business conspiracy!
fogel
Walther PPK…NEVER ruined the line of His suits.
Animal
Hah. Mouse gun.
HentMas
they are just sewn together, I have found those pockets too, but more often than not you can cut them open to be made real working pockets.
if they are indeed fake, its a cheaper suit that knows men don’t really use their vest pockets
Yet-One-More-Idiot
Yeah, my suits “pockets” were totally fake; they were flaps on the suit jacket that buttoned down but there wasn’t actually any pocket under the flap like there should be.
Admittedly, as you say, you get what you pay for with a suit, and for a suit £120 isn’t much…xD
HentMas
“it depends, for pants i usually go small but if its too small my navel will pop out so, if they are super tight jeans try to find me a pair that are slightly larger than small, look, this is my normal sized pants and my slim fit pants, and here are my sweat pants, take measurements.”
“you know what??? come with me, we can choose your gift together”
Poz
Still one of the greater injustices of our time.
a
Well Happy Birthday
Chelegordo
Yes! Many happy returns.
Wonder Wig
Wait till Walky sees girl pants pockets which are just flaps. Flaaaps!
Wonder Wig
That’s how they’re able to sell women purses.
Doctor_Who
Exactly. It’s a conspiracy, I tells ya!
Allcool-dontcare
The silence has arrived beware the Silence for they control the 2 inches deep pants
Vincent
Pockets… Will be small!
Maxi
“It’s the government mannnnn…” So says George Orwell.
Yotomoe
It’s like those fake Cupboard doors! WHOSE IDEA WAS THAT!? I THOUGHT I HAD WAY MORE CUPBOARDS!!!
Wonder Wig
I keep thinking there’s a hypothetical drawer which slides in where the sink would be…
Kinoko
THIS.
Kryss LaBryn
I’ve seen a kitchen sink where that fake drawer actually swung open by flipping down about 45 degrees, to reveal a small, vented, kind of V-shaped place for holding your sponges and scrubbies. Just fit nicely in the space between the drawer front and the sink.
BRILLIANT.
Aeron
Hermione got so frustrated that she turned the vanity drawer in per parent’s kitchen into a real drawer using a bag of holding spell. Her parents use the drawer all the time but never put two and two together.
Emma
Undetectable Extension Charm
IAmDeltaS
Fake pockets are the bane of my existence.
Dr. Zeus
I remember my first sports coat throwing me for a loop with those.
Maxi
I had to wear a tux the other day, and not only were the outside pockets fake, the nifty hidden inside ones were fake too! Trolling at its perfection-Polo
Jen Aside
GODDAMN FAKE POCKETS! I actually don’t buy otherwise good pants just for that reason! D=<
Yotomoe
I don’t buy pants unless the pockets are deep enough for me to keep a shit ton of pencils in them. Cuz 1. I like to draw. and 2. I really hope someone tries to rob me and gets stabbed by like 12 pencils.
Undrave
I wish I couldb e choosy with my pocket depth because shallow pockets are annoying as feck…but it’s a pain in the butt to find pants that will fit me to begin with…everything is either the right waiste size but too short or long enough but too narrow! According to pants maker you can only be short and fat or tall and skinny. Sometimes really tall and really fat but never tall and bulky!
Khrene Cleaver
Are you a girl? If so have you tried looking in men’s jeans?
Also try cargo pants, folks I know seem to have better luck with those.
TheOtherDibbler
Sadly some of us have pelvises that just Do Not Work with men’s pants. 🙁
Yotomoe
You just need powerful belts.
Undrave
No, I’m a man, but I’ve had my keys or change slip out of my pockets when sitting down with some pants.
Pete Mack
Try an old fashioned label like Levis or Lee. They still use inseam/length measurements, and they have different styles for different body types. I can’t stand designer labels because they have hopelessly limited sizes.