310

Cootie
Posted on October 7, 2011 by David M Willis

310 thoughts on “Cootie”

  1. JackNapier

    For the past few days, all I can think of when I see Ryan is that one song:

    “No sugar tonight in my coffee
    No sugar tonight in my tea
    No sugar to stand beside me
    No sugar to run with me”

    1. Confuzor

      and Joyce is :
      “We don’t have to take our
      CLOTHES OFF
      to have a good time!”

      1. fellixe

        And Ryan is all
        “I always feel like
        Somebody’s WATCHING ME-EE,
        Can’t get no privacy!”

        1. creatorx2

          And then Joyce replies with I DECLARE WAAAAAAR
          ON STU-PID-IT-Y
          I’M DROPPIN’ VERSES WITH A LYRICAL FLU-ID-IT-Y
          RELIGION WITH 3:23 FER-OC-IT-Y
          BUILT ON BIBLE VEL-OC-IT-Y

        2. creatorx2

          …..or probably not.

        3. Spazman

          WAR! huh.

          What is it good for?

        4. Nathan

          The only songs I’m coming up with are a few Iron Maiden tracks, the Hawaii Five-0 theme, and Behind Blue Eyes. So I got nothin’. Unless Joyce blames YOU!

        5. TPmanW

          Ryan’s all”I’m gonna get you good” and Joyce is all “Nananana You Can’t touch this
          My, my, my music hits me so hard
          makes me say OH my Lord
          Thank you for blessing me
          with a mind to rhyme two hype feet”
          EXACTLY what she says.

    2. Izzy

      it’s by The Guess Who….it’s two songs in one. I can think of the first title but not the second one

      1. ryan

        no sugar tonight/new mother nature

        i like them both, but i’m partial to the second one more.

  2. Jen Aside

    Settlers of Cootie Catchers?

  3. Plasma Mongoose

    Joyce IS the Messiah!

  4. Iemikas

    Joyce is too cute.

    1. wererat2000

      GAH! your avatar says otherwise…

      1. Bekah

        Pretty sure that’s exactly what Galasso’s would look like when saying those (or almost any) words.

        1. Joraiem

          I dunno, whenever I see that avatar, only “FUCK THE POLICE” seems to fit it.

  5. iSaidCandleja-

    How does one make it to college without knowing how to make a cootie catcher? I am especially disappointed in facial hair dude.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      So the cootie catcher isn’t the same as a head lice comb?? OOOOOOh!

    2. Digidestined of Trust (Tim)

      I never knew it was called a cootie catcher. I remember other kids picked up on that thing in church and I played it a few times but never learned how to make one myself.

    3. sun tzu

      Well, I managed to make it to college without knowing how to make a cootie catcher (I’m not even sure what it’s called over here in France, though I definitely saw kids using them).
      Being a social recluse helps.

    4. mischugenah

      In my experience, it was really more a girl thing. The boys were too busy blowing up pop cans with firecrackers to learn paper folding.

      1. ryan

        boys and girls alike would make fortune tellers (we were all pagan) when i was growing up. the girls tended to make theirs about boys or something, whereas the boys would always write crude jokes inside them.

        1. DeWeese07

          either way you knew you couldn’t win… good times, good times

        2. Joraiem

          Of course, after the girls made theirs all about boys, they would run over to the boys in their class and trick them into getting “fate-married” to a guy.

          Yeah. There were gay jokes in first grade.

        3. Rognik

          Are you sure you’re pagan? Joyce isn’t saying fortune telling is “non-Christian”, she’s saying it’s a savage belief. She’d accept a Jew or a prodestant over me who once claimed to belief Greek mythology over the Bible. (That was quickly killed, though.)

        4. ryan

          i’m not pagan. i’m just running with the comment joyce made.

        5. Jenny Creed

          We’d write thruth or dare kind of challenges in them. “Ask the strongest boy in class to punch you in the arm”, “Run backwards around the house” or “Kiss the person standing closest to you”. . .

    5. nothri

      The progression of events runs something like this:
      Step 1: As a child, never learn how to make a cootie catcher.
      Step 2: At some point, attend a college or university.

      It helps that as a kid the people who liked to make those things in my school always seemed to be from the crowd of brats I avoided, and all my friends either thought it was dumb or perhaps just grew out of it by the time we started hanging out. Whatever the reason, my mind always associated those things with the stuck up crowd.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        While I have made one of those fortune tellers when I was a kid, I have long since forgotten how to do so.

        1. fellixe

          Here are the quickie instructions:
          -Take a square of paper and locate the center point
          -Fold each corner inward so the point touches the center point. After folding all four corners inward you should have a square again
          -Flip this square over and repeat the process, folding each new corner in to the center point.
          -Now the finish. Push the center down and the corners up, bringing the corners together. This will cause the original corners of the paper – now folded underneath – to kind of stick out. Reach into these spaces on the underside and ‘fluff’ each segment.
          -Cootie Catcher achieved!

        2. Plasma Mongoose

          DANKE! =^_^=

    6. NikNik

      I made it to senior year in high school not knowing how to make it, then learned how to make it through an origami calender. Though, I always saw it called a salt shaker as the proper term. I always hated them when my friends made me do them while I was trying to read my books for class.

    7. 47

      I remember those from elementary school, we called them fortune tellers!. Never really knew how to make them… I suck at paper folding.

      It’s definitely possible to go to college without ever having made one, though. I hadn’t played MASH until my first year of college. xD

  6. David Herbert

    See, you can have fun. You know, this night is going better for Joyce than I thought.

    1. Larson E. Jones

      I thought the rapist dude was gonna strangle her after the last strip 😛

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        With the blue balls he is suffering from, the only strangling he will get to do will be his pants python.

        1. David Herbert

          He’s still holding out though, instead of trying another girl. Maybe they aren’t that blue yet.

  7. Doom Shepherd

    Defeating Roz’s expectations Win!

    1. Wandering meme

      Roz could not be more wrong than she is right now.

      1. eagalian

        actually, she can, but i dont think any of us would allow willis to live if he allowed joyce to do that.

    2. Jackson

      Defeating Ryan’s expectations as well. Joyce is a veritable repository of surprises.

      1. PlutoniumBoss

        Better than being a reprise of suppositories.

        1. DeWeese07

          hey, don’t knock it til you try it.

    3. kagato23

      No, she was right. Joyce learned this was a harsh, cruel world where Sprite and Sierra Mist can be mixed up.

      And she has grown from this pain.

    4. Valdrax

      I’m just kind of bemused by the fact that Roz considers your standard college frat party to be some sort of wellspring of life-changing epiphanies. Just who is the sheltered one here?

  8. Plasma Mongoose

    Poow Wyan! Isz his wittle feelings huwt?

    *plays the worlds smallest violin under the electron microscope*

  9. Mkvenner

    ………………………………..I hate Puritians.

    1. David

      Is that pronounced “pyur-ih-shunz”?

      1. Mkvenner

        No it’s pronounced Oliver Cromwell.

        1. Christopher Clark

          Well, that extra ‘i’ was certainly crommed in there well.

        2. PlutoniumBoss

          Not very well though.

        3. Spazman

          Pur-itty-ans?

      2. Master Kenobi

        I think that’s the sound of missing a spelling correction.

      3. Injury Man

        Poor Mkvenner. Getting called out on their Dysgraphia by the comic maker himself.

        1. G.S.Mercs

          What I’d like to know is how Puritans are related to this comic? Joyce isn’t a Puritan for the simple reason that she enjoys things. That automatically proves she’s no Puritan

        2. Izzy

          you’re right…She’s a puritian

        3. Professor Zoot

          Puritans were not the same as (stereotyped) Victorians. Their belief in the divine plan did not include blinding themselves to the profane world, and while they believed it was filled with tricks and deceptions they were certainly capable of appreciating it. For a Puritan the problem with this party is not the alcohol, but the fact that so many young folk have reached this age unmarried and are thus overly susceptible to unlawful sexual congresses.

        4. Plasma Mongoose

          Puritans hate premarital hanky panky but will divorce your sorry ass if they don’t get enough post-marital hanky panky from you.

    2. Kim

      Kitty worshipers of Purina One!

    3. Valdrax

      Sad, because I’m pretty sure Joyce doesn’t hate anyone.
      Score one for her.

  10. Ridureyu

    Well, Joyce is learning how to maintain her standards in a potentially difficult situation without making a scene.

    1. isitsevenyet

      And enjoying herself, too! If it were me, I’d just be sitting in a corner while waiting for my ride to be ready to leave. I dislike being around drunks.

      1. Digidestined of Trust (Tim)

        She sure is! You know, (Willis, this is directed more at you) not sure if you realize it, but this is just like when the pharisees saw when Jesus would still associate with the drunkards at their parties. The pharisees HATED it even though he didn’t drink and He didn’t do any of the things that they did and all He did was talk to them about the word, Joyce is doing that exact same thing!

        SCORE 2 for Joyce!

        1. shoeboxjeddy

          Pretty sure Jesus drank. Remember the Last Supper? Don’t associate tee-totaling with Jesus just because it’s your personal belief (if it is).

        2. Ascension

          I’m tired, and my eyes are bugging a little, and I read that as “Remember the Last Stripper?” and for a moment I thought I’d *really* forgotten some segment of the bible.

        3. lightsabermario

          I’m pretty sure I remember that part. That was the best part of the bible!

        4. MisterBug

          “This is my body. This is my blood. This is someone else’s body. This is his miniskirt.”

          “Owe Em Gee this is such a sausagefest!”

          “No-one’s asking you to stay, Judas. We’ll all have a great time without you.”

          “FINE!” *Slam*

        5. Doom Shepherd

          The Song of Solomon is pretty hot… of course, it’s apocryphal to some people. Probably because it’s pretty hot.

        6. Ana

          http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/EverybodyRemembersTheStripper

        7. Digidestined of Trust (Tim)

          HAHAHAAHA! Ascension, I literally just laughed out loud.

        8. Somebody

          @Ascension: I almost spit out my drink, lol.

        9. johannhowitzer

          Didn’t the Pharisees drink too? Can’t recall if that was in their regulations or not… I do know the Bible doesn’t actually call out alcohol entirely, but “drunkenness.” We’d term that “alcoholism” today.

        10. mischugenah

          Keep in mind that the water wasn’t safe to drink at that time– mildly alcoholic drinks were a much better bet. When they talk about ‘wine’, they’re generally not talking about the kind of thing people drink nowadays.

        11. Rayri

          Some translations translate any case of wine into grape juice, as grape juice was “the new wine”. Drinks were also much weaker back then.

        12. Digidestined of Trust (Tim)

          The wine he drank was not fermented, that’s therl what gets you drunk quicker. Also Rayrl is right

        13. David

          You keep stating this as fact. Why. The source material is pretty vague.

        14. isitsevenyet

          Well, it takes yeast to make wine, and Jewish law actually requires them to fully inspect their house and get rid of ANY kind of leavening (yeast) for passover, which is when the last supper took place. There’s a good bet this included the yeast in wine.

        15. otl123

          No one knew what yeast was back then, and in any case, you are quite incorrect with your claim. Leavening per se is not forbidden. What is forbidden is products made out of (5 specific types of) grain that has fermented. (Fermented at the time meant “mixed with water and allowed to sit for a period before cooking” – we know now that yeast is also involved but that wasn’t understood then.) Only grain is at issue (so beer and many distilled liquors are out), but fermented fruit products of any type (specifically including wine) are permitted. In fact, wine is not only permitted, drinking it is _required_ at the Passover seder – you are required to drink (at least) 4 cups of wine. It is best when you make a bold pronouncement like you did to know what you are talking about…

        16. isitsevenyet

          Pardon me for saying something I thought was true… I never meant to imply that I couldn’t be wrong. Just going on what I’ve been taught. Maybe the facts got a little muddied in my head with the passage of time, but that’s hardly any reason to imply that I didn’t know anything about the subject.

          Either way, I’m sure it wasn’t enough to get anyone drunk. Drinking in and of itself isn’t against biblical law, either, but being drunk is frowned upon for sure.

        17. Scoops!

          Passover’s a week long. You ever try making wine in a week?

        18. David

          (I would realize it. I had the Bible practically memorized by the time I was 18.)

        19. fellixe

          Bravo!

        20. Digidestined of Trust (Tim)

          Thanks for the confirmation Willis. Just had to be sure if you did or not. That’s cool you’ve memorized it all, I’m still struggling with daily devotions and memorization.

        21. Joraiem

          Practically memorized? >.>

          Ezekiel 23:20! Go!

        22. Plasma Mongoose

          Ezekiel 23:20/ She liekd teh guys with teh big dixxxes… teh RLY big uns, like donkeys LOL… and massiv cumbuckits like horse!

        23. Joraiem

          Hmm, I wonder if the future Willises of the world will memorize the whole lolcat Bible by the time they’re 18.

        24. Plasma Mongoose

          That’s one of the signs of the apocalypse. 😀

      2. Spazman

        So we’ve got Shedding, Scratching, Hairballs, and Yowling for the four Cats of the Apocalypse?

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          Revelation 6:1-8 (LCB)

          1/ Den teh lamb opened one of teh 7 bukkits and teh furst doodz say “Come and take lookz!”

          2/ An behold der wuz white horse, wif a man sittin on it wif a bowz. An crown wuz given to him an he went out to take all cheezburgerz.

          3/ Den dat lamb opend nother bukkit and doodz say “Come”

          4/ Den anuther ridin red horse come. He wuz allowed to takez all teh worldz cookiez and milkz, and send dem tu bedz eerly. Sum peeps mite die tu: an he can has great sword an stuffz.

          5/ He prozeded to opens nuther bukkit an big black horse come. Living doodz say “Come” an he balanced stuff in hiz handz.

          6/ An den sum dood said “Sum stir fry for denarius! An denarius 4 cheezburger! Better not eated mah cheezs and bradz!

          7/ An i oppeneded nuther bukkit an 4th dood say “Come and lookz!”

          8/ Lo behold a pale horsez with a dood sitin on it, his naym wuz Deaths, an liek Hadez an stuff followd himz. Him had enuf skillz to be in ur base killin lots ur doodz.

  11. Jacob

    And everyone but Ryan is paying close attention to how to do it. Just like all good subjects should be.

    1. Mkvenner

      Their too drunk to give consent.

      1. Sonzilber

        They’re*

      2. Plasma Mongoose

        Mkvenner, you’re not baiting the grammer nazis are ya?

  12. isitsevenyet

    ♥ Ryan’s expression in the last panel. I LoL’d. You’d think he’d have given up on Joyce and gone after some other unsuspecting female by now…

    1. iSaidCandleja-

      Forgive me for thinking these creepy thoughts, but what if his “thing” is deflowering?

      1. Ragnal

        For his sake I hope he enjoys the site of blood.

        G’NIGHT FOLKS. =D

        1. Mkvenner

          Close but it’s

          *Blows kiss to audience* GOOD NIGHT EVERBODY!

        2. Yuki

          You know I saw this and the only thing I thought was “ANIMANIACS!” 😀

        3. Spazman

          blood fetish Ragnal?

          kinky.

    2. Plasma Mongoose

      But Joyce may be the only blonde and blue eyed girl with impressive sweater pups at this party, he is biding his time.

      1. johannhowitzer

        So we’re certain Ryan doesn’t dig Asians? Because if he’s about the sweater pups, I’m sure he noticed Billie at some point, and she’s a much easier mark.

        1. eagalian

          maybe it’s the challenge? billie might be too easy (she was half naked 10 seconds after seeing the front door after all)

          i knew a couple of guys back in high school who would take a girl on a couple of dates, get bored, and dump her to chase another one. they both literally had a new girl on their arm every week. it wasnt that they were sleeping around (though i’m sure plenty of pipe got laid) but that they had more fun trying to get the girl to go out with them than they did on the date itself.

        2. fellixe

          I think you’re on the right track. If Ryan is Rapey McRaperton (‘if’ only because I’m allowing for the possibility that he is merely pathetic and controlling) then it isn’t about the sex so much as the power. Even if he isn’t Rapey it still might be more about the specific conquest than it is about just getting laid.

        3. isitsevenyet

          Isn’t rape usually more about control than the sex, anyway? At least that’s what I’ve heard…

        4. iSaidCandleja-

          Indeed. Rape tends to be much more about power than lust.

      2. SlaveBlade

        Blonde….?

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          Not all blondes have yellow hair after all.

        2. Rognik

          Then she’s a dirty blonde at best. Dirty, dirty, DIRTY blonde.

          Oh, uh… I seem to have gotten a bit distracted. What were we talking about here?

        3. Spazman

          Looks like Ryan won’t be singing this song tomorrow:

          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9d6f9j7gAdY&feature=related

        4. Plasma Mongoose

          That sounds like Joyce alright. 😛

    3. Izzy

      That would be like admitting he’s wrong, which is like admitting fault. “Real Men” don’t admit fault…ever.
      Or at least that’s what a buddy of mine says lol

      1. begbert2

        And he must be right – he is a Real Man after all.

      2. iSaidCandleja-

        That is a line I’m tired of seeing from self help books and motivational speakers. Fault and failure are things to learn from, not to deny.

        1. gangler

          Two separate issues that get confused I think. In terms of image it’s important to be seen as faultless. As the saying goes though, don’t believe your own press.

  13. MarcinMN

    So many characters in this strip are trying to be someone or prove something. Joyce is just comfortable being who she is. I’m sure some would say that she should get out of her comfort zone more — and they could be right — but I really can’t help but think “good for her!”

    1. Digidestined of Trust (Tim)

      You know, being at this party really is out of her comfort zone if you think about it. She’s just taming this situation the best she knows how! (Was going to say taking control, but my finger hit the m and I figured that was an even better word!)

      1. gangler

        Yeah, choosing not to do things she considers wrong doesn’t really change the fact that she’s already gone leaps and bounds out of her comfort zone. A cootie catcher can’t be said to diminish her progress either.

    2. katzgoboom

      And that’s why she’s quickly becoming one of my favorites. Sure, she’s extremely fundamentalist christian and that can be bothersome, but you have to admire her for the fact that 1) she’s actually pretty open-minded, seeing as she doesn’t refuse the company of “heathens” (and yes, I do know many fundamentalists who would refuse to go to a party on the grounds that it’s “against their beliefs” regardless of whether or not there will actually be alcohol or other substances at said party) and 2) she’s far more comfortable with herself than almost all 18-year-olds I’ve met.

      1. Digidestined of Trust (Tim)

        You know, as a Christian I agree with that. The way Joyce is doing things I’d feel a little more comfortable going to a party like this because now I know how to handle myself. Gee and I learned this from a webcomic, weird!

        1. isitsevenyet

          Yeah, I was considering that, too. I just don’t think I’d have any fun at a party where there was a bunch of drunk people, and plus there’s the potential for “bar fights” and I don’t do well around violently angry people. 🙂

      2. gangler

        I wish I were half as comfortable in my own skin at her age. Really awesome to see.

        I also realized recently that at some point Buddy Christ and Joyce became irrevocably linked in my head. When Joyce performs some cool act of kindness, tolerance, or just generally does a good job of being Joyce it’s Buddy Christ I see over her winking and giving the thumbs up as he says “You go girl.”

        She kind of reminds me of a lot of what I thought was cool about the Gospel as a small child. I really do admire her. If being a Christian had meant being like Joyce I would have been much more proud to wear the label.

    3. Ancestral Hamster

      Yes, good for Joyce! She’s found some people she can have fun with and who apparently enjoy her company. Win-win for Joyce and her subjects. The Date Rapist is screwed (and not in the way he wants), but that’s to the good.

  14. Andrew Colunga

    Who you callin’ a Cootie Queen you Lint Licker!?

    1. Cholma

      “Fabulous!”

  15. meanderling

    Joyce is incorruptible pure pureness. Also, Ryan’s going to go insane pretty soon.

    1. MM

      And the resulting explosion will be glorious.

      1. Aydr

        …I dunno about glorious, but it’ll probably be sticky.

      2. eagalian

        comments like these are why i want a like button on this page. though that might also be because i’m on facebook too much…

  16. ScytheAkse

    the force is strrrrong with this one

  17. Plasma Mongoose

    Lucy looks duly impressed with Joyce’s paper skills, Mr Frakes also seems quite fascinated by this subject.

    1. MM

      That’s not Wil Wheaton?

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        Wil has a beard now??

        1. David

          http://sharksplode.com/three-wheaton-moon/

          That’s right, I’m Joelin’ it all up in here.

        2. Plasma Mongoose

          I wouldn’t have ever recognised him with a beard.
          \
          HOLY SHIT!

        3. fellixe

          Happened to me, too, first time he turned up in “The Guild” and I saw him credited. I was thinking “which one was Wil Wheaton?”

        4. eagalian

          he’s showed up on big bang theory a couple of times like that too. i was surprised

        5. fellixe

          I’m glad I caught him in “The Guild” before BBT. For one I was prepared for his beardedness. But also in “The Guild” he was the leader of a rival guild of online gamers, so seeing him as rival card gamer to Sheldon was like revisiting that character which somehow made it funnier. The bowling episode was hilarious, too.

        6. Erik

          He’s also on Eureka.

      2. Phillip Wilde

        Glad I’m not the only person who immediately saw Wil Wheaton.

        1. N0083rP00F

          Just glad that there was no “clown” sweater *shudder*

      3. NikNik

        I only know of his beard from following him on Google+, nice hiding him on here.

  18. Larson E. Jones

    Why do I imagine Pinkie Pie’s voice whenever I see Joyce talk?

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Cos you read yesterday’s commentary…

      1. Larson E. Jones

        FALSE!

    2. ryan

      i think of starfire/princess bubblegum

      maybe that’s because i don’t watch MLP.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        Now I’m imagining Billie being voiced by Raven for some strange reason.

        1. Michael Michael Motorcycle

          Imagining a drunk Raven is possibly the weirdest thing to make me giggle today.

  19. George

    Queen Joyce imparts her royal wisdom!

    I’d love to see Roz’s reaction to Joyce. I think I’ve said it before, but Joyce doesn’t seem like a real “fundie” by Roz’s (probable) definition- sure, her beliefs are fundamentalist, but “fundamentalism” tends to equal being judgmental towards people, and Joyce has never done that- even after beating the tar out of Joe, she didn’t judge HIM, just his actions.

    1. George

      Ryan is probably the exception to that rule, though. He’s dead if/when she figures him out.

    2. Ridureyu

      Roz might be upset. Joyce isn’t drinking, and she isn’t bonking anybody. She hasn’t “loosened up” by those standards. She’s even sounding Christian!

      1. begbert2

        She’s not even dressing like a slut! As far as Roz is concerned she shouldn’t even have been let in the door.

      2. Marisynos

        Well, really, Dorothy isn’t doing any of those things either. 🙂

    3. Professor Zoot

      “Fundie” is an oddly derogatory term for Roz to be using. I guess Christians are an acceptable target for her. I hate the stereotyping of atheists as intolerant jackasses.

      1. begbert2

        Isn’t ‘pagan’ just as much a slur-word?

        1. fellixe

          Not so much. The most common usage, and how Joyce seems to be using it here, is “all that magick stuff.” You could use it derogatorily. But many pagans self-describe as such and wouldn’t take offense at it unless the context was offensive.

        2. begbert2

          Sure, but I don’t consider “fundie” to be an automatic slur either – it’s more or less an inevitable reaction to “fundamentalist christian” being too much a mouthful to say constantly without abbreviating. So they’re equally insulting – that is, not really very insulting at all.

          That is, unless you consider being called a fundamentalist christian insulting by itself, which I suppose would be a defensible argument.

        3. SW

          In my opinion, if the person being referred to would describe themselves to the speaker as whatever the term is, it’s not a slur; if they aren’t likely to have done so, then it is a slur.

          Joyce would not use the term “fundie” for herself. Hence, likely a slur. Someone who actually is pagan not only would use the term for themselves, but likely wouldn’t take offense at Joyce’s attaching that description to the device in question.

          At least, that’s my take on it, as someone who actually is a pagan, and tries to remind other pagans that us making cracks about Christians (“crispy” is a term that I particularly loathe) is probably worse than whatever wrongs we perceive them to be making; the Christians are likely being hypocritical from ignorance, whereas the Pagans are being intentionally hypocritical.

        4. Bill M.

          Yeah, but that’s only because of the movie “Dragnet” with Tom Hanks where he explained it’s an acronym for People Against Goodness And Normalcy.

      2. David

        Roz is not an atheist. Dorothy is.

        1. Kaylee

          Wow, I did not know that. Are we going to learn more about her religious beliefs later, or did I miss something?

        2. David

          Roz or Dorothy’s?

          We might learn more about Roz’s religious beliefs, maybe. The reason I spoke up is because in-story, she’s given no indication that she doesn’t believe in the supernatural, just that she doesn’t like Joyce’s specific variety of beliefs in the supernatural. I was responding to a post above that accused her of being an atheist stereotype.

          Dorothy doesn’t have any religious beliefs to speak about, and so they’re pretty much covered already.

        3. invisiblemoose

          I am beginning to sense another post along the vein of Ethan is Gay/Joe Was asked permission.

  20. Andy

    Huh. Joyce went to a party. She’s having fun and not causing problems (except to a would-be date-rapist). I honestly wonder if we’d be able to say the same thing if Roz went to a church service.

    1. MarcinMN

      Doubtful. She’d probably shove the priest/minister out of the pulpit and give everyone a big speech about how ignorant they are and how smart she is.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        Plus she would be putting condoms in the offering box.

        1. katzgoboom

          Well it’s been established that Roz is fairly pretentious, and uses that to excuse her bongoiness/promiscuity.

        2. Magnus369

          I dunno, I’d love to see the look on someone’s face when they are counting the offerings (sounds a bit pagan, but I guess it’s donations or tithing? dunno, I haven’t been to church in over 20 years) and come across a bunch of condoms.

        3. lawzlo

          To be fair, some of those priests might need protection.

        4. Plasma Mongoose

          Alter boys have so many STDs these days you know. 😛

        5. Magnus369

          I’d forgotten that particular euphemism… “bringing religion to the masses” lol

    2. begbert2

      Not to be all watering on your fun, but even nice atheist Dorothy almost certainly wouldn’t have fun at a church service, because most of the things done at most church services simply aren’t fun if you’re not already ‘into’ them. (And that’s putting aside how offensive some of them can be to a person with differing beliefs.)

      1. Andy

        True, but I would expect Dorothy to at least be respectful and not cause problems. Given what we’ve seen of Roz and what she’s said, I don’t think we can expect the same from her.

  21. MarcinMN

    I find it humorous that Roz used the phrase “God forbid” while mocking Joyce’s faith. Much as I found it humorous when she said “For God’s sake” before she tore into Joyce in class about the same thing.

    Is this intentional?? 😉

    1. Digidestined of Trust (Tim)

      That would be counted as taking his name in vain and mocking Him at the same time. I’m reminded of the verse;

      Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting. And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. – Galatians 6:7-9

      Meaning, people will still mock Him, but He won’t allow it to affect Him or the other Christians (just in case this gets misunderstood)

      Best definitions for that in this scenario: 3. To mimic, imitate, or counterfeit.
      4. To challenge; defy: His actions mock convention.

    2. Digidestined of Trust (Tim)

      And yes, I find it most intentional in this case

    3. Ridureyu

      Hey, isn’t Roz the one who said not to make any derogatory marks about people’s beliefs, and not to use slurs that might be considered offensive?

      1. Steven

        Well, it’s been well established by now that Roz is an utter hypocrite.

        1. Digidestined of Trust (Tim)

          So true. It’s people like her that tell us (Christians) to be tolerant of other people’s views, but in turn are intolerant and bash the Christians for what they believe in.

        2. katzgoboom

          I’m a merry atheist, but I have nothing against religion. I have a problem with people who use religion as a weapon. True ‘open-mindedness’ is someone who accepts others for all their differences as well as their beliefs.

          With that in mind, I do think Joyce is more open-minded than Roz. Joyce has no problem with Roz’s beliefs, or really her lifestyle. Roz, on the other hand, will gladly bongo Joyce out any day of the week for hers.

          Really, Roz just irritates me. She’s a pretentious hypocrite which is like combining the two worst qualities in a person.

        3. Steven

          And also Joyce is just so darn CUTE.

        4. keyye

          Roz is bossy and nosy, but she’s a girl with an agenda she believes in (which I have respect for). She’s just not good at policing herself and her behavior beyond what she’s trying to prove, she’s too busy/distracted with her own hype.

        5. drs

          Let us not forget that it was just a day ago, or maybe earlier today, that Joyce publicly denounced Joe for “PRE-MARITAL HANKY PANKY!!” The judgement is there.

        6. Steven

          Joyce was worried about his soul. And upset with his decision.
          Roz is concerned with her agenda and upset with Joyce believing in what she feels is a load of rubbish.

          If you forget about who is actually believing what and just look at the motives, Joyce still has the purest intentions. That is, thinking of others.

        7. Aris Katsaris

          So, being concerned about someone’s “soul” is okay, but being concerned about the state of someone’s mind is wrong?

          Yes, Joyce fears Joe’s soul is going to hell — Roz fears Joyce’s mind is filled with garbage. Where is the moral difference here?

        8. nitpicker

          One is based on the idea that it is legitimate to label someone as stupid because they disagree with your worldview.

    4. sun tzu

      You know, we don’t really know what Roz’s religious beliefs ARE. It’s entirely possible that she’s Catholic (like we know Shortpacked!Robin is), even if her opinions on sexual morality are polar opposites of the Church’s.

    5. David

      Roz is not an atheist.

      1. Alex Stritar

        So she’s agnostic?

        1. G.S.Mercs

          I think there was a slight theory she may be some variation of Pagan because we know she reserves the right to refer to God as a she, and when she said “For gods’ sake” it is clear she is refering to more than one god by the punctuation

        2. Doom Shepherd

          Given Roz’s personality, I’d say that while she’d likely identify as “pagan,” her religion would be more accurately described as “Anything that will piss ‘those people’ off.”

        3. Wackd

          She’s a scientologist?

        4. Valdrax

          Actually, I think she went further than that. Mary said, “…we can’t refer to God exclusively as male.” I think her roommate agreement basically prevents Mary from using “He” instead of “He or She,” “She,” “They”, etc.

    6. drs

      Many atheists swear by God. Even multi-generational ones who weren’t raised religious. It’s just part of the language, like other exclamations or expletives.

      Plus Roz not being atheist, and at my guess having religious parents.

      1. Semysane

        It always bugs me when people say “if you say ‘goddammit’ or ‘for god’s sake’ it means you believe in god.” If I stub my toe and yell “fuck me!” does it mean I actually want the coffee table to fuck me? No!

        Apropos of nothing, really, I just needed to get that off my chest.

  22. Joraiem

    Joyce, could you be any more adorable?

  23. Moonshine McGee

    Aaaaaand Roz is losing points.

  24. Jetstream

    I got money on Roz knowing Ryan’s game and calling him on it.

    Then making fun of him for his dismal, dismal failure.

    1. Digidestined of Trust (Tim)

      I think we can definitely count on Roz predicting his every move and end up kind of coaching Joyce and giving her tips on how she can see through him. Roz may even commend Joyce for completely silently and unknowingly stunning the guy, at a drunkard party!

      Roz may look at Social Change in a whole different way after she sees this!

    2. MM

      I’ll see that bet and counter with Ryan giving up and deciding it’d just be easier to proposition Roz before it comes to that.

      1. A random reader

        Him staying makes me think he won’t be giving up anytime soon. As shenanigans continue to foil his nefarious plans, he will become more and more determined as a matter of pride. Afterall, he can’t just let it go after so much effort.

    3. kagato23

      I don’t buy it. I don’t think Roz would actually want anybody to get roofied. It’d go against her sensibilities of choice.

      She’d probably find it hilarious if some skeevy creeper hit on Joyce and made her freak out, but I don’t think she’d knowingly let a would be rapist run about.

      1. Spazman

        That’sssssss a very nice Cootie Catcher you have there, missssssSSSSSSSS!!!!

      2. Jetstream

        Unless you’ve seen a comic I haven’t, Ryan’s never actually raped anyone. He just manipulated Ruth into sleeping with him. No reason to assume he was going to try anything different with Joyce.

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          So he is just a two-faced sleezebag rather than a rapist.

        2. fellixe

          It is possible. Just because the girls talked about roofies on the way to the party doesn’t mean that anyone, even Ryan, would actually try that. But many readers are rightly on guard for it. It would be an interesting twist if Ryan turned out to not be as bad as so many are expecting. Or even if he is bad, but does something unexpected like try and sell Joyce bad investment advice. (Being silly, but there is a whole range of things Ryan could do here short of trying to drug or rape anyone)

        3. Jetstream

          Sure. Why not?

  25. CelestialEmpress

    Huh, never realized Joyce was left-handed.

    Go south paws!

    1. David

      Joyce is right-handed. At the moment her more-useful set of fingers is demonstrating the cootie catcher.

      1. gangler

        Nay south paws?

        1. David

          Dorothy is left-handed, I believe. I’d have to double-check.

        2. MarcinMN

          I’d never thought about it before, but I suppose you would have to keep track of tiny details like that.

          If you didn’t, I suppose some archive ninja would catch you when you have someone holding a pencil in a different hand than they held a pencil three years ago. 😉

      2. johannhowitzer

        I can’t speak for everyone, but being right-handed, it would be unnatural for me to hold the pen in my left hand even if I was demonstrating something in my right. My left hand almost never EVER holds a writing device at all, come to think of it.

        If Joyce isn’t left-handed, she should be holding the pen in a full-fist grip, not proper writing position. Devil in the details indeed!

        1. ryan

          but joyce rejects the devil, so she can get away with holding the pen like that.

  26. Joe H

    In your FACE, Roz!

    1. Henry

      You mean in her FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE?

  27. Aydr

    Roz is a bongo.

    1. Henry

      Yeah, I was starting to get some respect for Roz, and then the third panel happened.

    2. Plasma Mongoose

      To be fair Roz doesn’t know Joyce too well, hell we would have thought along same lines concerning Joyce if the last thing we knew of her was her freaking out over the fact that Dotty was an atheist.

    3. Romanticide

      Well Roz didn’t got the best impresion of Joyce to be fair. She told her she was defiling her body and Roz sure wasn’t in any mood for evangelization…

  28. Janette

    This week has just been getting better and better.The facial expression in the last panel add so much.

  29. numaron

    I have loved Joyce this week, but I’m worried. She has been so full of win that according to the Willis directive she must have some massive problems coming up.

    1. Digidestined of Trust (Tim)

      Hmm, you might be right. Willis, I ask for a silent guardian for Joyce just in case something happens to her. I volunteer to be that silent and perhaps unseen character.

      1. begbert2

        The position is already taken – that person came via rooftop travel.

        1. fellixe

          Yay! Santa’s here!

    2. A random reader

      As much as I don’t want any harm to befall Joyce, you’re probably right. The fact Ryan is still there (albeit miserable) just makes me think that he’s staying the course and not going to leave for an easier target. So he has to stay to continue to be in character, and should she continue to foil his plans for her it will become more and more a matter of personal pride to dominate and have his way.
      Of course, it would be great if shenanigans like this continue to foil him until he either snaps (in front of others who can help her) or he slips up and is destroyed.

  30. Dierna

    Cootie Catcher?? Is that what those things are called??? I haven’t seen one of those things in nearly 20 years!…. I feel old. 😛

    1. ryan

      if you watch “community” you’ll see one every episode!

      1. Wackd

        Which some how has more flip-opens than is logically possible. That’s always irritated me for some reason.

        Ah well. “Give me some more/time in a dream…”

  31. katzgoboom

    Ryan’s face in the last panel made me lol. That’s what he gets for being date-rapey!

  32. turkishproverb

    Joyce: immune to insanity in the same way a fish is immune to water.

  33. Twentydragon

    You just watch. Within two weeks, Joyce will be the most popular girl on campus.

    1. MM

      I can hear Billie howling “But I’m a cheerleader!” now.

      1. Ancestral Hamster

        LOL!

      2. Digidestined of Trust (Tim)

        LOL! So true!

      3. Wackd

        Well, it’s about time we got some more lesbians in this comic.

  34. gangler

    It’s funny because Roz knows about as much about “The Real World” as Joyce.

    1. Steven

      I’d have to say at this point, Joyce seems to know more about it than Roz. Look at her, everyone around her utterly fails to be able to dislike her. Simply by being Joyce, she’s probably made more friends than any other character so far, and this includes these yet-unnamed characters who seem to think she’s a genuine riot. Which she is.

      1. gangler

        Eh, I’m sure Roz could show Joyce a thing or two. She could show Joyce how to tell when a man is looking to take advantage of her, Joyce could show her how to tell when he’s not. Really, between the two of them you almost have a well balanced human being.

        Now I can’t get the image of the two of them doing the fusion dance out of my head.

        1. Valdrax

          *eye twitch*

    2. Rognik

      Nah, Roz probably knows “The Real World” better than Joyce. Too much swearing, cussing and general godlessness on that show for Joyce to either be allowed to watch it or want to watch it.

  35. Eri

    I love how interested all of them look, Joyce’s new drunk friends are the best!

  36. Kisai

    Haha, I’ve seen (and made) those things,in like 1991, but I never knew they were called that. The kids just usually put a color on the top, a number on the inside, and then some action or “fortune” under the flap. They were an easy random whatever generator when all you had was a piece of paper.

    1. Magnus369

      Yeah, fortune tellers is what we called em. Of course, it’d piss the nuns off where I went to school, but then again, most of us where considered godless heathens anyway. (the joys of being the poor kids- you learned to take pride in the damndest things… sometimes literally :P)

  37. Zoey

    wholy shit!

    1. begbert2

      Partially shit!

      1. Bill M.

        Not shit at all!

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          Shit happens!

        2. fellixe

          No shit?

  38. Henry

    Ryan should start running. Dorothy’s gonna find Joyce, see Ryan, realize what he was up to, and then ass kickin’ will commence.

    1. Henry

      Which reminds me…are we going to see any of Hooper?

      1. Wackd

        HOOPER MUST KILL LONELY!

        1. Henry

          Maybe a zombie-apocalypse story-line?

  39. Magnus369

    I know I’m going to kick myself for asking this, since I realize (or at least I think I realize) that dorothy is supposed to be wearing lipstick, right? because the last few comics she’s been in, all I could think is… blonde chick with a fuzzy lip.

  40. Trent

    oh my god, Joyce hahahahaha “But that’s a little too PAGAN”

  41. El

    We used to just call them fortune tellers over here ^_^

    I remember last year when the 8 year olds in the class I was TAing got into them in a BIG way, and one girl forgot what she’d written in hers before demonstrating to the teacher at Show and Tell… Normal offensive-to-8-year old things like ‘you smell’ and ‘you’re a [opposite gender to yours]’, but she went totally red when he read them out.

  42. Swissaboo

    Roz being unambiguously unlikeable? My favorite!

    1. Swissaboo

      Why am I always getting Dina when I bongo about Roz.

      1. espanolbot

        Maybe Dina knows something about Roz that we don’t?

  43. Viktoria

    Willis, now that it’s (probably) not a spoiler, could you explain why you had Ryan refer to Joyce as a “Mark” in the 9/30 comic, rather than “Victim” or “Target”? “Mark”, to me, always implied victim of a con, and Ryan’s about as much of a conman as a pit bull is.

    1. ryan

      a con artist doesn’t have to be after money. the end result isn’t what makes a con man, it’s the use of deceit to gain someone’s trust.

      1. Joraiem

        Maybe what Viktoria meant was that Ryan’s a pretty terrible con man?

        He’s not, though. Jesus just has Joyce’s back.

  44. Jimmy

    I love how this has turned out so far. I was extremely worried that this would take a darker spin than it has. Thank you Willis.

  45. johannhowitzer

    Not an entirely sound analogy, since very few people even know Thursday takes its name from Thor, let alone would draw that connotation in conversation. “God forbid” is a tad closer to home, as far as subtexts go, so if Roz -were- an atheist, I’d expect her to avoid that idiom, as that would represent a “small, polite splash.”

    Since she isn’t an atheist, though, it seems more in character for her.

    1. johannhowitzer

      (The above was in response to something Willis posted, then apparently deleted while I was writing…)

      1. Zoey

        ^_^

  46. Jackson

    Groverfield Guy’s all, “Man. The potential uses of this thing are manifold!”

    1. fellixe

      “Dude! I’m totally going to have to change my major to THESE!”

      1. Jackson

        Now I’m imagining him waking up the next day with a pounding headache and fuzzy memories of a device that would end cooties forever. He tries to call to mind how to recreate it, but the details fade into the receding haze of dreams, burned away forever by the dawn.

  47. DT

    There must be a Christian God in the Dumbing Of Age universe, because to protect a sheltered girl like that from alcohol and douches like Ryan takes some kind of divine intervention.
    Either that, or the Universe’s Unifying Forces just like Joyce and her unshatterable idealism. Either or.

    1. begbert2

      The literal god of the DoA universe is Willis, who has indeed done all that you said. I’m not sure how Christian he is nowadays though.

      1. Wackd

        He’s about as Christian as the potential offspring of Richard Dawkins and Douglas Adams.

    2. Spazman

      You’re all wrong.

      http://www.venganza.org/

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        So you have been touched by His Noodly Appendage I take it? 😀

    3. Shade

      Now come on the alcohol thing is easy to avoid.

      “Want a beer?”
      “No thanks”

  48. Name

    Ryan’s look says it all. Awesome.

    1. GinzaMary

      Word.

  49. aqua

    or shes teaching!

  50. DeWeese07

    soooo…. did Amazi-Girl just show up, front flip kick some drunk frat boy in the FFAACCCEEEE and then through up the dueces as she walked out the door? Because Joyce and Roz don’t even seem to notice that anything ever went down….

    1. Sir Robin

      Stealth mode, like Batman

  51. madelgine

    Oh, Roz. You don’t know Joyce very well, do you? ^_^

    I continue to love the two drunk background characters.
    Not-Sydney: Ooh, so that’s what those things are called.
    Not-Wil: Intruiging! I wish to learn more about this cootie-harvesting of which you speak.

    (Can I keep them?)

  52. ziggy78eog

    Joyce, you need to keep in mind that those people are drunk; right now, anything could be fascinating to them.

    1. DeWeese07

      I think she’s banking on that fact.

      1. melissa

        hence the fact a couple strips ago she titled herself the Queen of the Drunks!

      2. Spazman

        DeWeese, I saw your Gravatar and for some reason I imagined Li’l Mike wearing green and a green, floppy hat.

        😀

  53. begbert2

    Joyce must have some teeny handwriting, or be keeping her verses along the lines of “he wept”.

    Unless she’s just putting in chapter/verse number, which would make for some pretty limited-audience cootie-catchers.

    1. Asuka L.S.

      Yep. She put down the following chapter/verse numbers in her cootie catcher:

      Leviticus 19:26
      Deuteronomy 18:10
      Deuteronomy 18:14
      John 14:6

      Expect her to throw the catcher in those divination-practicing heathens’ faces in the next few minutes. ^__^

  54. nothri

    You know, I was kind of worried about Joyce until I remembered the date she had with Joe and how an alternate version of her once basically tore apart an evil base when made angry enough. He tries anything unbecoming of a preacher’s son, there won’t be enough left of him to fit in a bucket. And that assumes Mike doesn’t get involved.

  55. DannyBoy

    Wait, it just hit me. Is this Ryan supposed to be the same Ryan from Ruth’s backstory? The one that took advantage of her?

    1. Aydr

      Yup. Definitely him. Still a slimeball it seems. I hope Ruth gets to kick his ass.

  56. Sam

    Now Roz, some of those real world things that can happen at a party could cause Joyce some serious harm. I know you don’t mean it that way, and are probably just thinking somehow a bunch of drunk people will shock her worldview a bit. But please don’t keep Dorothy from checking on her. Every time I see Joyce near Ryan I get tense and my hands begin to thirst for his neck.

  57. Cat

    You know, a huge part of me would love to hop into the comic to introduce myself to Joyce, a pagan lesbian honor student would probably confuse her so much… XD

    1. begbert2

      Naw, you obviously got your honor student status by selling your soul to the devil. Twice, by the sound of it.

      1. Aydr

        Wait, she sold her soul twice? Once to get the honor student status… once to… become a lesbian?

        1. G.S.Mercs

          Actually, by using Doctor Faustus as our base, she would only have to sell her soul once to get anything she wanted as long as it’s not related to anything holy. She would also have Mephistophilis do all her bidding.

  58. Shariku

    And this is why, despite being an atheist, i will always love Joyce.

  59. fellixe

    Yes and no. In my mind calling a druid a pagan is akin to calling a Presbyterian a Christian. Calling a Christian a fundie is more like calling any pagan a devil-worshipper. It says you are the same as the most extreme among those who share similar beliefs. Pagan is a generalization in most cases while fundie is more like guilt-by-association. Pagan can be used in the very same way, but fundie almost always is a way of damning a person by tying them to extremists.

    And to clarify any bias of mine I’m a UU, but have stood in more circles than churches in the past.

    1. fellixe

      Oops.

  60. Kaj

    Willis, awesome Hijinks Ensue Groverfield shirt cameo 🙂

  61. Tiger

    What strikes me as funny is that Roz is just as closed-minded as what she claims Joyce is. Even more, she has a huge martyr complex and seems to think her lifestyle is somehow superior and should be accepted despite the fact that a portion of it involves breaking the law and making bad decisions.

    1. Tiger

      Kind of fitting that it’s Billie in my icon. 😉 Queen of Bad Decisions?

    2. Asuka L.S.

      I believe that may have been the point that Mr. Willis was trying to make. Either that, or Joyce’s innocence makes her a friend to all living things character, and the cosmos is working to her advantage in spite of normal expectations.

      Either way it’s interesting to watch.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        So Joyce is a Disney Princess now? OOOOO!

        1. Asuka L.S.

          I think she’d be very happy with that assessment, actually. It’s not what I meant, but the trope is applied to them often enough it could be construed that way.

          Of course, the trope may be misapplied considering that by virtue of her innocence she has the ability to summon the immediate adoration of PARTY animals rather than regular animals.

        2. Plasma Mongoose

          Also, a prince usually trys to wake a princess up, not make her sleep.

        3. Asuka L.S.

          I think of this guy more as the toad-like villain than the prince.

  62. Sporkaganza

    I hate to sound petty, but I’d pretty much have the same reaction as Roz in the third panel in her shoes.

    That said, I’m really getting a kick out of just how wrong her guess is.

  63. Kim Jong Grill

    So…I get banner ads for Mid-America Christian University in most strips featuring Joyce…

  64. Zoey

    Bloody hell now i recognize ryan!!!!! that little prick!!!

  65. Lis

    Some people work as phone interviewers and make them because they are one of the two oragami forms they remember how to make and phone surveying is BOOORING… Though I did think of making an /x/ cootie catcher thread as a parody of the tarot threads since all my friends keep bugging me to make a tarot thread since I do readings… but I don’t use cootie catchers to tell the future ever so I’m ok right?

  66. BrokenEye, True False Prophet

    “Your prophets saw visions for you that were worthless lies. They failed to expose your sin so as to restore your fortunes. They saw oracles for you that were worthless lies.”

    Lamentations 2:14

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