249

Secrets revealed
Posted on August 14, 2013 by David M Willis

249 thoughts on “Secrets revealed”

  1. EvergreenFir

    Ahahaha they seem so happy

    1. thecanvashat

      Happy and afraid and surprised and concerned and confused and OH GOD THIS ARC.

      1. Aizat

        My reaction to this arc in general.

        1. Raoullefere

          And here I thought I was the only one wondering “When will the hurting stop?”

          Which means, I guess, that it’s a pretty accurate portrayal of a day full of parents showing up on campus.

        2. Ocbrad1

          Concur. And hey! At least Lil Walky was properly put away when the folks showed up!

      2. AckAckAck

        Willis roller coaster of emotions! coming to 7 Flags near you!

        1. Roborat

          With that creepy bald guy dancing at the entrance.

      3. Endest

        They must know how wonderful this new Mother/Girlfriend is.

  2. Jen Aside

    My bf’s mum tried to hide it, but that was her reaction =o

  3. Geminia999

    I’m sorry, is it a specific reference, or just the fact one has an eye patch?

    1. No0ne

      It’s Jason’s dad! Apparently in this universe he is a war hero/action star… Going with war hero since there is apparently a bomber below the picture.

      1. Björn

        I think that was more to illustrate that it is a room for “dropping bombs”.

    2. Fezzam

      Number 1 would be the nickname for commander Riker in Star Trek: TNG
      Number 2 would be well #2 of dr evil from Austin powers
      #1& 2 piss, shit. Respectively. 🙂

      1. Jeffrywith1e

        The fact that his mom gets it is awesome.

      2. arbot

        That makes more sense. I was thinking they didn’t look much like Cavil and Leoben…

      3. Bill

        I recognized #2 immediately — but had forgotten about Jean-Luc referring to Riker as #1.
        And incidentally, Picard could (and would) eat Kirk’s cookies.

    3. Jetstream

      Johnathan Frakes (Beard) = Commander William T. Riker, called “Number One” by Captain Picard. Star Trek the Next Generation.

      Robert Wagner (Eye Patch) = Dr. Evil’s number two man, called “Number Two.” Austin Powers.

      1. Thomas

        Thanks! I needed this. I got as far as Austin Powers, but I assumed they had to be from the same show, so I drew a blank there.

    4. onfurtherreview

      It’s Riker, AKA “Number One” from Star Trek: the Next Generation and Doctor Evil’s second-in-command Number Two from the Austin Powers movies.

    5. Badeyes

      Are you sure it’s not Riker aka Number1 from Star Trek the next Generation (quite full of piss) and Dr. Evil’s main henchman Number 2 (who was da shit except when it came to sharks with lazers)?

      1. Neospector

        See, I couldn’t remember the Austin Power movies for a while, and I had recently gotten Pocket God, so for like, a few months, I stupidly thought that the reference about sharks and lasers came from Pocket God. It makes me very sad that I can’t go back and erase comments from that time…

    6. Ray

      Aw, can’t Number Two please be Leo McKern???

      1. phlebas

        There could be a different Number Two for every ‘episode’, even.

      2. Bill

        I AM NOT A NUMBER! I AM A FREE MAN!!
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sv813f2Xtrg

  4. thecanvashat

    Walky’s parents are confused at the lack of Butt-tacos

    1. Tom Speelman

      Oh no, the Butt-Tacos are omnipresent.

      1. NightmareWarden

        Butts for the toilet god! Tacos for the microwave throne! All hail the God-Emperor, whose flatulent words are law! All glory to the butt-taco!

        1. Heimdall

          So uh, you mean Nurgle?

  5. James

    I can’t tell if Walky’s parents are excited, shocked, or worried that this means the Apocalypse is nigh.

    1. thecanvashat

      And then Dorothy walks in with a sign saying THE END IS NIGH.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        THE END
        IS NIGH
        (Bar & Grill)

        1. brionl

          The Stars are Right
          The End is Nigh
          So why not have
          Some Apple Pie?
          Burma Shave

      2. Roborat

        But she is a brony, so the sign will say: THE END IS NEIGH.

    2. Bemmie

      Yes, yes, and finally… yes

    3. EvergreenFir

      Knew it would be an atheist to bring about the end times

      1. gears

        There is so much wrong with that statement I don’t know where to start.

    4. GoldStarz

      “He’s found a girl! This means that the prophecy was right and the martians will once again come to end our existence!”

      1. Yotomoe

        Linda: I knew this day would come from the day we sculpted him out of caramel.

        1. thecanvashat

          Walky went on to become champion of the Amazons

        2. Aizat

          The Caramellamazons, that is.

        3. Ancestral Hamster

          CaramellDansen?
          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J_DV9b0x7v4

        4. Badeyes

          CARMELIGEEEDDDDDIIIIIIIIOOOOOONNNNNNNNNN!

        5. Kam

          the ears, they bleed. you sir are in violation of the geneva convention.

        6. Squall

          Swedish does not sound as beautiful when rendered through a vocaloid.

  6. The Candyman

    To be fair, their reaction is completely justified here.

    1. Yotomoe

      I know. I would’ve been scared his clothes would have bonded to him like some sort of sticky parasite.

      1. thecanvashat

        Walky is part Spiderman?

        1. Bemmie

          nope, all Caramel

        2. thecanvashat

          Part man.
          Part Spiderman.
          All Caramel.

          IT’S WALKY.

        3. AckAckAck

          Everyone want to lick him.

          IT’S WALKY.

      2. The Candyman

        If he wore it any longer his hoody would start growling at any attempts to remove it.

        1. Yotomoe

          I think that’s what happened to Danny in Roomies!

  7. Dorky

    because after a while, seeing your son’s willy gets a little bit unacceptable.

    1. Kam

      willy, or won’t he?

  8. Squall

    That’s so happylicious!

  9. Doctor_Who

    Suddenly Walky is very relateable.

    And I love the sign.

    1. KingMabel

      Great. I’m not the only one who got this reaction from my parents from my college girlfriend…

  10. Jackson

    What is this? A reasonably well-adjusted family that doesn’t make me want to throw my computer across the room?

    1. xain

      hold on a second Sal is gonna have to get in on this soon so save your contented sighs till then

      1. Doctor_Who

        Yeah, throwing in Sal will make it dramatic again, I hope.

        1. AckAckAck

          Plot twist: Walky and Sal’s parents are bikers.

        2. Squall

          Throwing ‘Sal’t in the wound

    2. MM

      Let’s not be hasty, now. There’s still time and so many opportunities for disappointment.

    3. Plasma Mongoose

      We(the readers) needed a break from the anvilicious and borderline evil parents, so we get these guys.

      1. Aizat

        Awww….and here I am with the list of “a plethora of bad things I want to inflict on Blaine”

      2. Totz the Plaid

        “Borderline”?

        1. Aizat

          Some of them just crossed the border repeatedly.

  11. William

    Walky, you tend to solve the wrong problems.

  12. Yotomoe

    Because you kept getting condiments on all the clothes we bought you!!!

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      That’s why they need to invent a shirt that provides its own sauces and condiments while somehow remaining tidy-looking.

      1. Doctor_Who

        Why do you think Willis wears those Hawaiian shirts at cons? The colorful pattern disguises the fact that the whole thing is a Nachos Bell Grande. He just dips tortilla chips in it when nobody’s looking.

      2. Rheinman

        That’s what your towel is for, if you’re a hoopy frood who always knows where his towel is.

        1. Squall

          Always bring a towel, because a towel is the most useful thing you can have as a traveller of the universe.

        2. Plasma Mongoose

          I keep a towel in my shoulder bag whenever I go out, I find a lot of uses for it regularly.

        3. Megatron

          Ah. So you really know where your towel is.

        4. Plasma Mongoose

          Naturally, while Douglas Adams may have made up the towel thing for the sake of humour, the fact is that IRL, having a towel within easy reach is very handy thing indeed, hardly a week goes by when having a towel on-hand proved to be quite useful.

  13. Regalli

    Well, so far they seem nice enough.

    … Which leaves them meeting Sal.

  14. The Candyman

    I guess the Walkertons aren’t as evil as Yotome thought. So sad.

    1. Yotomoe

      They left their chainsaws in the car.

      1. thecanvashat

        Running, so the carbon monoxide can quietly cause severe illness to anyone who walks past.

        (They also attached silencers to the chainsaws.)

        1. Yotomoe

          The chainsaws are actually flailing wildly in the parking lot, maiming everyone who gets out of their cars.

        2. thecanvashat

          Actively hunting them down.

        3. Squall

          Maiming the cars too

        4. Andrusi

          I would have figured they would have gone inside by now. Just because they’re chainsaws doesn’t mean they don’t care about visiting their son, Buckets of Blood Guy.

        5. Heimdall

          This makes a disturbing amount of sense.

  15. Wonder Wig

    That Number 1 and Number 2 bit is the best. Only the finest.

    1. Yotomoe

      I would have put Nigel Uno and Hogie P. Gilligan up there but whatever.

      1. Aizat

        Hoagie P. Gilligan Jr., you mean.

        1. Yotomoe

          Yes, thanks for correcting me.

      2. LimeTH

        Heck, complete the circle and throw Kuki up there.

        1. AgentKeen

          Just put all five and REALLY confuse people.
          “What’s a Numbuh 4?”

        2. Aizat

          The Toilenator’s arch nemesis.

        3. AgentKeen

          Somebody get the plunger…

          OF YOUR DOOM!

        4. Badeyes

          That’s a shart of substantial volume.

        5. Kam

          3’s a fart, 4 is vomit, 5 is related to the number of fingers used…

  16. Plasma Mongoose

    “My son’s not a virgin anymore”.

    1. The Candyman

      Unfortunately for the Walkertons, that’s a hurdle their boy hasn’t crossed yet.

      Here’s to them being crazy about wanting grandkids like the Browns used.

      1. The Candyman

        *to.

      2. Hoboturtle

        Hopefully, I will be severely disappointed if this arc ends with no one begging for grand kids.

        1. Robin

          Here’s betting Blaine will.

        2. Squall

          “Make me a strong Hanma grandson!”

        3. Viktoria

          That’s Galasso’s job.

    2. Geminia999

      But you don’t have a son Mrs. … Amber’s mom!

      1. Doctor_Who

        Mr. Rosenthal is rectifying that right now.

        1. thecanvashat

          Not to be confused with Erectifying, which is happening to Mr. Rosenthal now.

          (Also Ethan whenever he sees Mike.)

        2. AgentKeen

          I don’t think they’ll make babies that way, though…

        3. AckAckAck

          Are you sure?

        4. Josh

          This would make for an awesome spin off comic.

  17. Aizat

    Finally, back to the “not wishing a million deaths on family members” territory.

    1. Bemmie

      Lets not forget that they willingly sent their daughter off to a prison/convent (never mind that it wasn’t effective, it’s the thought that counts)

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        If Indiana was in Englland, Sal would have been sent to a borstal for girls.

  18. Aizat

    Number One? WHO IS NUMBER ONE?

    1. Yotomoe

      Smithywarbenjagermanjenson.

      1. Aizat

        He is Number One…in BOOGIELAND!

    2. Bemmie

      Commander Riker?

    3. Regalli

      You are Number Six.

      1. Wack'd

        I am not a number, I am a free man!

        1. Ancestral Hamster

          *Mocking Laughter*

        2. Toad

          TWO FOUR SIX OH ONNNNNNE

        3. Kiggy

          Number Nine
          Number Nine
          Number Nine

      2. Aizat

        I AM NOT A NUMBER! I AM A MAN!

        1. JBO

          Wait I have a higher number then you eat it number six!

        2. thecanvashat

          I am number Hat.

          (yes that is a number)

        3. Aizat

          Oh yeah? Well, I’m number T.

        4. JBO

          I am number banana.

        5. Aizat

          MY SPOON IS TOO BIG.

        6. AckAckAck

          I DON’T CARE! MY ANUS IS BLEEDING!

        7. Squall

          THERE’S A SNAKE IN MY BOOT!!!

        8. Ancestral Hamster

          In the Village, lower numbers mean you are more important, so you’ve just admitted to being unimportant.

        9. Doctor_Who

          But do you wear a purdy hat?

        10. Robin

          *PUNCH*

        11. Andrusi

          Number Man?

      3. Rheinman

        All you need is love

    4. Yotomoe

      Nigel Uno.

    5. Ancestral Hamster

      “That would be telling.”

  19. Yotomoe

    Walky’s mom looks young as hell.

    1. JBO

      So we need to keep her, Dorothy’s mom AND Amber’s mom away from Mike? Man this is gonna be WAY hard.

      1. The Candyman

        Not to mention Billie’s mom, if she shows up. And, considering Chekov’s Gun, she probably will.

        1. thecanvashat

          Well, Blaine showed up.

        2. Jackson

          You’re thinking of Chekhov’s gun. Chekov’s gun is a phaser.

        3. James

          no he it left back in `1980’s San Fransisco due to radiation from the Aircraft carrier Enterprise.

        4. The Candyman

          I had a feeling I misspelled it, thanks for correcting.

        5. gears

          You are amazing.

      2. Yotomoe

        So is Mike.

        1. JBO

          The great Faz understands this joke. For he is very accumstomed to the act of sexual intercourse. See this graph clearly shows an increase in sexual encounters over time.

        2. thecanvashat

          This graph right here:

          http://www.phawker.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/Carlos-Danger-Businessweek-copy.jpg

        3. Jereko

          Internet for you. Well played.

        4. begbert2

          I saw that magazine in the break room at work. Cue double take and incredulous disbelief.

      3. MM

        Just keep Mike away from the nickels. Problem solved.

        1. AckAckAck

          Unless he start using Canadian nickels.

        2. Kam

          then he’d just appologize first.

      4. Rheinman

        Whay would you want that?!?!?! I, for one, would like to see that. For reasons…..

    2. Aizat

      Whatever happens, make sure she stays away from Mike and Dr. Rosenthal.

    3. Crimson Doom

      But… if you believe the religionists, Hell’s existed for practically forever, so she’d be really old and not young at all. And if you believe the atheists, Hell doesn’t even exist, so she doesn’t even exist! I don’t think you thought this comment through very well. 😛

      1. The Candyman

        what

  20. Kyrros

    Number One always looked better with a beard…

    1. AgentKeen

      Agreedo.

  21. Aitherion

    Nice seeing Linda without alien PTSD and years of being terrible at her job behind her.

    1. Regalli

      I know, right? Let’s see if the lack of trauma lasts.

      1. thecanvashat

        Linda met Charles in ‘Nam. It wasn’t a very nice time to be there.

        1. AckAckAck

          But love grew in war is a good bond for them.

        2. The Candyman

          It actually would be awesome if Linda was turned out to be a war veteran.

  22. Gram91

    Wow, that bad huh?

  23. Sam

    Oh my God it’s so weird seeing the Walkertons without layers of crazy Drama Adventures surrounding them.

    1. Yotomoe

      Well Walky’s dad was pretty drama free until he found out about the whole alien biz.

      1. Aizat

        Well, how would you react about the whole alien biz?

        1. Yotomoe

          Well first I would grab the cracked bat out of my little sister’s room.

        2. Aizat

          You know, I can’t tell if you are referencing Earthbound or not.

        3. Yotomoe

          Yes I am.

        4. AgentKeen

          Just swing….

          And maybe hit those half-full glasses of water, and hope water is dangerous to the aliens…

  24. Lord Fuhrer President Penguin

    huh parents i dont hate, this is new.

    1. The Candyman

      Give them time. The Browns didn’t seem so bad when they first appeared either.

      1. Gram91

        Bets are open.

        I’m betting $10 they’ll be desperately promoting him to Dorothy, about 5 seconds after they meet.

        1. AgentKeen

          But that’s not bad. It’s just normal embarrassing parent situation.

        2. Gram91

          Yeah, but this is Walky we’re talking about. The guy who tries to sell himself short to everyone else.

        3. The Candyman

          Dorothy makes everyone seem inadequate in the eyes of their parents.

      2. Shark

        We still don’t exactly know how they treat Sal.

        1. Biege

          from how sal reacted before, I’m guessing they don’t…

    2. thecanvashat

      What about the Sarumiyas?

      Except for the whole “let Blaine into the dorm thing.”

      1. Aizat

        Well, they are trying to be nice, so I’ll let them slide. Besides, they are so adorable!

        1. Leorale

          It just occurred to me that the Saruyamas might be 1st gen, too, in which case they could have different social rules. Not sure if this has been established yet.

  25. Tomb

    Ah, a reprieve from the Blaine Rage-Rampage.

    1. Aizat

      Also a reprieve from wishing nuclear holocaust on any characters, too.

  26. JBO

    It’s sad, but I predict this will be my parents reaction if I find a girlfriend once uni starts.

  27. Wack'd

    #2 doesn’t look like George Baker, David Bauer, Patrick Cargill, Georgina Cookson, Guy Doleman, Clifford Evans, Colin Gordon, Kenneth Griffith, Rachel Herbert, Leo McKern, Mary Morris, Derren Nesbitt, Eric Portman, Anton Rodgers, John Sharpe, Andre Van Gyseghem, or Peter Wyngarde!

    Hell, he doesn’t even look like Ian McKellen, and I usually refuse to acknowledge that series!

    1. Fezzam

      I just googled every name you said. I only recognized Leo McKern, and Gandalf, er I mean Magneto, er I mean Sir Leigh Teabing, er that gay British chap. Also I don’t know any time either of the 2 were refered to as “number two”.

      1. Jonrock411

        They’re all the actors to have portrayed Number Two in the TV series The Prisoner, while Ian McKellen played him in the remake

  28. LimeTH

    Sooner or later, he’s gonna need a picture of Numbah Three from KND up on that door.

    1. Yotomoe

      What’s a number 3?
      When you excrete from everything. Y’know like babies do.

      1. thecanvashat

        The sequel to Everything Poops is called But Not Everyone Does That And Maybe You Should See a Doctor.

      2. Plasma Mongoose

        Vomit?

      3. AgentKeen

        Numbuh 3 is both, Numbuh 5 is too late, and I vote that Numbuh 4 is something clog-worthy (based on comment thread way up higher).

        1. Jereko

          Corpse in the toilet.

      4. Logician

        Numbers one to seven

    2. LimeTH

      I was under the impression Number 3 was masturbating.

  29. Romanticide

    Oh joy! oh miracle! I bet they are going to hug Dorothy so hard when they meet her she will be worried about losing braincells for being unable to breathe.

    1. thecanvashat

      Like Mike’s parents.

  30. Aizat

    Believe it or not, that’s what my parents would’ve say too.

  31. Blue

    Number Two looks like Inferno!Brig to me.

    (Hey maybe Jason’s dad is Inferno!Brig…)
    (It’s probably obvious I haven’t read IW!)

  32. Brando

    I dunno, they’re not smiling…which means the overreaction is probably still in the works.

  33. PoliVamp

    I am so happy for a light-hearted strip after all the drama. Granted, this is one Sal away from drama itself, but the shock/happiness from his parents had me laughing out loud.

    Thanks for the brief breather, Mr. Willis.

    1. Drunken Nordmann

      And on the next page, Sal will join into the fun and everything goes to hell.

    2. rachel

      oh my gosh I just know, I was neerrrvous to see the comic for today

  34. Greg

    Oh gosh, I love Walky’s parents here.

  35. Kennerly

    She shamelessly clothes her Walky. Inviting others to unclothe him. The very depth of perversion!

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      What are you? A Ferengi? 😛

      1. gears

        In case you hadn’t noticed, it’s Star Trek reference day.

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          SERIOUSLY? Americans sure do have some strange holidays.

    2. AckAckAck

      It’s more like “He’s mine, I can dress him sexy stuff and you all just drool over there. NO TOUCHY!”

  36. ridtom

    Jeez this arc is full of silly faces, Joyce, Dorothy, Danny, Walky, Amber, hell even Blaine was doing that silly villain face!

    Conclusion: Willis just wants to draw silly faces

    1. Leorale

      Can’t say I blame him.

  37. Bemmie

    I swear I have emotional whiplash from this roller coaster…

  38. AckAckAck

    Walky and Sal’s parents! Alive! with no mental and emotional baggage! I’m so happy I shed a little tear!

  39. Potatamoto

    Thank you Big Boss. You look so healthy, and youthful!

    Actually, seeing Linda puts me in mind of a question I, and probably everyone else, has noodled; do the aliens and Martians exist in this universe? Or have they just never bothered to visit? Given infinite parallel universes, both are certainly possible.

    1. Tenn

      It has been known since DoA started (as in, Willis explicitly said so) that no, the aliens and Martians don’t exist in this universe.

      1. Potatamoto

        Well, that’s what I get for coming to the party late.

        Thanks!

    2. Aizat

      Big Boss? Did she took out the Boss in this universe?

      1. The Candyman

        There’s a reason Big Boss is the dean here.

  40. Dierna

    Yay… nice normal parents instead of the ones you wanna bash in the face!

    1. Groove

      Cute parents no less.

    2. Crumplepunch

      I liked Dorothy’s parents.

      1. Biege

        your gravatar disagrees

  41. Caffienated

    At this point, I’m wondering if Raidah’s parents show up.

    1. The Candyman

      Raidah isn’t a Freshmen.

  42. y3k

    …So…the Walkertons *aren’t* going to be into sacrificing kittens, then.

  43. CianM1301

    Oh, finally! A ray of hope in this Arc of misery! God bless the Walkertons!

  44. Someone

    But what happened with his unbuttoning pants and Mike’s family?

    1. The Candyman

      I was just about to ask that. Guess that’s a story for another time.

  45. Chronos

    Heh. I like Walky’s parents. I’m glad there are parents that are talking that aren’t really grating.

    1. timemonkey

      It took Joyce’s a few days to become really unlikable. Who knows what these will be like a week from now? Or how they’ll treat Sal.

      1. Chronos

        There is that.

  46. ArkhamTexan

    I don’t know Walky, probably because they thought you had FUCKING BRAIN IN THAT GODDAMN EMPTY SKULL OF YOURS THAT WOULD REALIZE THAT MAYBE, JUST *MAYBE,* BEING ABLE TO DRESS YOURSELF DECENTLY SHOULDN’T BE FUCKING LEFT TO MOTHERS AND GIRLFRIENDS! MAYBE YOU CAN TAKE SOME GODDAMN RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOURSELF, HUH?! ARGHHHHHHH!

    … after weeks of abusive, clueless, and shitty parents, THIS is what gets my goat and finally makes me explode?

    1. Aizat

      Chill dude, chill. Your goat needs to chill, too.

      1. ArkhamTexan

        Nah, I prefer to roast my goat rather than chill it.

        … let me just establish that we’re talking about the adorable little animal that you can eat, right?

    2. Jenny Creed

      You’re forgetting the possibility that maybe Walky doesn’t think dressing according to the rules of society is important.

    3. Yotomoe

      You just unintentionally bongo slapped me.

      1. ArkhamTexan

        Damn, sorry about that. If you want an intentional one, hold still…

        What is WITH this violence that has suddenly overcome me?!

  47. SP

    I glanced over the url and read it as “Just hanging out with my family secrets revealed.” :0

  48. Raen

    …that’s actually sort of an ugly shirt.

    1. The Candyman

      The point is that he’s wearing a shirt at all.

      1. JBO

        So his parents have a problem with him flashing his caramel abs?

        1. Aizat

          It’s a treasure to women(and some men) everywhere.

        2. The Candyman

          I was thinking more along the lines of him wearing something different than a hoodie, but sure.

  49. JA

    Hm, sounds like my mother…

  50. Darnel

    LOL
    That is SOOOO typical. I now walk around with a goofy smile on my face….

  51. Angel

    ok, so do they want to meet their son’s new girlfriend or talk to the non-delinquent version of their daughter?

  52. Roborat

    This one made me laugh, the last two panels were perfect. I think I like Walky’s parents. Nice work Sir Willis.

  53. nothri

    …..Walkerton….you got issues. I like you, but you got some fucking issues, man.

  54. ThatGug

    ah that explains it. I was all “Well they cant be adopted because siblings come from the same parents.

    but if they are fraternal twins from a mixed race couple then they could have any mix of their parents genes. Hence Sal being “more black”

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