125

Darkest
Posted on November 9, 2018 by David M Willis

125 thoughts on “Darkest”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    speak of the crush and she doth appear

    1. Doctor_Who

      If only that worked in real life.

      1. DailyBrad

        It does if your crush is Beetlejuice.

        1. King Daniel

          And if you’re crushing on Betelgeuse?

        2. Tacos

          It’ll collapse into a black hole.

    2. Knuf Wons

      She Dorth appear indeed!

    3. Aeron

      Dorothy! Dorothy! Dorothy!

      1. Pterodactyl Ghost

        IT’S SHOWTIME!!

  2. shadowcell

    Dumbing of Age Book 9: Meh

    1. shadowcell

      on the copyright page it says that this book was forged in the fires of Garbage Roof, which means it glows blue when crushes are afoot

      1. shadowcell

        and Book 20 is when it’s revealed that we were all deceived, for another book was forged, in the land of Ohio, in the fires of Garbage Roof, the Porn Lord Willis forged in secret a master book, and into this book, he poured his malice, his cruelty, and his will to dominate all life

        1. MatthewTheLucky

          Damn him, for he is the Dark Lord Willis, despoiler of Parent-Child relationships and slayer of Ruths.

        2. C.

          He’s only slayed one Ruth!

        3. King Daniel

          How do we know that none of those redshirts who were killed over the run of It’s Walky! weren’t also named Ruth?

        4. Deanatay

          And he did that with integrity, no regrets

        5. Cholma

          Damn, damn, damn. Where’s the +1 when you need it?!

        6. shadowcell

          one for the Porn Lord on his porn throne

        7. Tacos

          A porn throne doesn’t sound very sanitary.

        8. Doctor_Who

          I bet it’s sticky.

        9. shadowcell

          to sit in the Porn Throne you must pay the Sexy Price

        10. Needfuldoer

          That’s why it gets covered. Always practice safe sits.

        11. Deanatay

          Uneasy rests the tushie of the King.

        12. LeslieBean4Shizzle

          Three for the abductees, fighting martians under the sky.
          Seven for the retail workers, in their halls of nostalgia.
          Nine for college students, doomed to dumb.

        13. MatthewTheLucky

          One for the Porn Lord on his Porn Throne, in the land of Ohio where the restaurant HQs lie.

    2. Yumi

      Dumbing of Age Book 9: Sad Takes is What We’re About

      1. Keulen

        Dumbing of Age Book 9: You’re Not Gonna Look At Me The Same Way Ever Again

  3. Johan

    I mean like it’s been 3 days

  4. DailyBrad

    Ahh, interesting. We’d known he was a virgin prior to Dorothy, but to not even have had any crushes, that’s a surprise.
    It does kinda frame his… clunky courtship in a somewhat more sympathetic light, at least.

    1. John

      He went through his entire sexual awakening in like fifteen seconds between first laying eyes on Dorothy and throwing a toy at her head, in the universally accepted manner for indicating interest in Dorothies.

      1. ShinyNeen

        That wasn’t the comic I was expecting. It is, however, the comic I should have secretly hoped for!

        What a wonderful system.

        1. Doctor_Who

          Sadly, Dorothies are now endangered because of the number of concussions they sustain during mating season. And with their reduced numbers, each one attracts more and more suitors, bearing bigger and fancier toys, which exacerbates the problem.

        2. Tacos

          Gotta be careful one doesn’t chuck a Metroplex at her.

        3. Catman

          At least one of those are harder to aim than a Primus or unicron. Those things are hefty.

        4. thereaverofdarkness

          He actually went through his entire sexual awakening in under five seconds, the moment Dorothy mentioned her favorite TV show was Dexter and Monkey Master.

      2. Kris

        Wow! I forgot about this strip. It actually upsets me a little. Dorothy, the character who took time to study while at the beach when her friends were goofing off somehow still hasn’t studied enough! Just how heavy is this girl’s workload?! Only Sarah can compete with her in a who studies more contest and she’s an antisocial hermit!

        1. BBCC

          It’s apparently a very heavy course load, but it doesn’t help that Dorothy isn’t just looking to pass or looking to do well, the word she used is ‘immaculate’.

    2. cbwroses

      He did basically tell Joyce that no girls piqued his interest before, partly because they didn’t share his interests.

    3. Cass

      Dorothy being in panel could be a red herring, he might mean Billy! He’d have a lot more reason not to want to risk her overhearing too, I imagine she’d mock him hard.

      1. Cass

        *Billie. Why do I never remember to keep an eye on autocorrect with her until I’ve already hit post?

    4. Zee

      I mean, it was kind of obvious. That’s why it was so weird that he hooked up with amber immediately after

    5. Chris Phoenix

      Are we sure his first crush wasn’t Asma?

  5. ShinyNeen

    Dangit, Walky, there goes that narrative tension, at least for a while. Where are we going to get more on such short notice?

    Oh, hi Dorothy!

    …

    : (

  6. Jabberwocky

    Amber, “I stabbed a girl who took my best friend hostage” is not as horrifying a secret as you think it is

    1. Yumi

      That girl is, y’know, his sister, so that does add a layer to it.

      1. King Daniel

        And was furthermore unarmed and in police custody by that point.

    2. DailyBrad

      I mean, it kinda is pretty heavy. I am pretty sure Walky would know that she stabbed Ryan, since no shit, Dorothy was there, but that she’s had something like this happen twice is a biggie.
      I don’t think Amber wants to do this in half measures, though. If she tells him, she’d want to get this bandaid off in one go, no followup bombshells.

      1. Lingo

        I’m not sure if he knows the details, but he already knows that she’s the one who saved Dorothy from Ryan.

      2. Emily

        I think Amber is just hoping she’s magically never going to have to tell him ever so much like how she responds to all of her other problems she’s going to jump at any excuse not to deal with it.

        1. thejeff

          I doubt she’s thinking that far ahead. This is brutally hard for her to talk about and he is literally telling her not to, so it’s no real surprise she’s putting it off.

    3. Zee

      “I stabbed your sister after shed been apprehended and disarmed and after the situation was over” sounds pretty bad tho

    4. Meagan

      I agree. It’s weird that it’s his sister, but people do intense stuff when in traumatic situations. And so much time has passed. I think it will be weird for Walky to process but not a deal breaker. Also I am really glad Amber was so forthright here! She was totally willing to tell him and now the secret is being consensually saved for later. I for one and relieved at a break from some narrative tension. Sometimes it’s ok to just watch characters I like have lives without all the dramz all the time.

      1. thejeff

        The secret may be consensually saved for later, but since Walky doesn’t know how directly relevant to him it is, that might still come back to bite them.
        Especially since Sal’s found out about Ethan now.
        If Walky learns about this from a different source before Amber tells him, it may not go over well.

        Which is of course the most drama intense possibility.

  7. Nono

    Plot twist: Billie is just off-panel.

    1. DailyBrad

      I did kinda think it’d be her, though I guess Walky, despite his jokes on occasion, really does care about Billie platonically.

  8. Badgermole

    Dammit I need to join the Patreon 5 minutes ago

  9. Kris

    Walky’s first crush was a support pillar in the IU lobby?

    1. DailyBrad

      He likes the strong, silent type.

      1. Knuf Wons

        He needs someone to support him in these trying times. It’s a good foundation for a relationship.

        1. StClair

          Someone to bear his load.

        2. Sye

          Someone to take his load.

          #thereifixedit

        3. Roborat

          If it is built to code, it should contain enough reinforcement to support his load.

    2. Tacos

      Hey if that thing falls, there really will be a crush.

      1. Knuf Wons

        I hear she’s a real pillar of the community

  10. Bagge

    ….and in conclusion, nothing bad happened to Dorothy’s productivity this day.

  11. Stephen Bierce

    *follows up Culture Club with Laura Brannigan’s “Gloria”*

  12. TrueVCU

    It Billie

    1. Yumi

      …No?

    2. Zee

      Why does everyone think that? She’s practically his sister Jesus
      Sorry it just pisses me off when a guy and a girl can’t be good friends without shipping. That was basically all of highschool for me

      1. Sam

        What actually makes it more annoying is that Billie was his high school bully. I’ve never had anything but contempt for my bullies. :/

        1. thejeff

          Though he knew her long before then, so there could have been a crush before high school.
          Unlikely for the “practically his sister” reasons. Which is also why their relationship isn’t as simple as “bully”.

  13. Goki

    Will everyone act like responsible adults in this confrontation, or will Walky pull a Walky and make things worse than they need to be?

    TUNE IN NEXT TIME!!!! Same DOA Time, Same DOA Channel. XD

  14. Tacos

    I’m sure nothing bad will happen and everything will be fine

  15. Yumi

    Talk about your first crushes, go.

    Mine was either this boy in my kindergarten class or this teen girl who babysat my neighbor and me. I’m not sure if the first one was real or was just me deciding I should have a crush? The babysitter one, I did not realize what was going on for me until years later, even though I told my friends at the time that I “liked” her.

    1. Lilyliv

      Mine was my elementary school best friend, though I never realized until this year. I always got really annoyed when she had a crush on a new guy and didn’t understand why. ^_^’

    2. BBCC

      On my first day of kindergarten, a boy told me he was going to marry me. We broke up in third grade cause I was tired of him chasing other girls on the playground. 😛

    3. cbwroses

      Mine was Punky Brewster.
      For those that don’t know, she was a tv show character in the 80s (and possibly 70s as I don’t know if I was watching reruns or not).

      1. cbwroses

        I did get my first kiss in kindergarten, if we’re only talking real people we actually met.
        I think her name was Raven.

    4. Badgermole

      Boy on my school bus who used to sit quietly in the back and read while all the others monkeyed around; he lent kid-me Judy Bloom books. Years later he came up to me during one of our formals and asked for a dance. No idea if he remembered me or not. I told him I used to have a crush on him during the dance. No idea if he even heard me over the crashing music.

    5. Masumi

      Biology teacher in fifth grade. I still remember a whole lot of the stuff we learned in that class :3 (Wow, apparently I was kinda late, with 5th grade?)

      1. Lingo

        I was in fifth or sixth grade when I had a dream about two classmates of mine. I think one was hugging me and the other was just sticking her tongue out at me. I developed a crush on the hugger, and put the other one in the friend zone.

    6. Khyrin

      We went to homecoming together.
      She went home with someone else.
      She then put her hands in my (already empty) pockets because we were still dating, nevermind that we hadn’t even seen each other in 2 months.

    7. StClair

      A girl in my first grade class, which meant I was broken-hearted about being skipped over second to third, because it would mean being parted from her. I was so distraught, I contemplated ending it all… by leaping from the top of an earthen berm that might have been eight feet high, at most.

    8. Lexi

      My desk partner in 6th grade, I think? I was extremely unpopular around that time, and while he was mean to me, he was less mean than the rest of the kids, and sorta just tolerated me.

      Although once in high school, I pretended that my cousin (who lived on the opposite side of the country and was actually two years older than me) was my boyfriend who I’d met over the summer, just to get a friend to shut up about “Who do you like?” This backfired in a predictable fashion when I finally confessed to someone. I did actually have a bit of a crush though. Cousin bit aside, he was cute, older, smart and paid attention to me, and we’d only just recently met, then spent several weeks in close proximity. Good recipe for a crush, even if it couldn’t go further.

    9. Tan

      To be a bit of a cliche, it was the transfer student back in… I want to say 5th grade? Nothing in particular came of it. Lack of confidence (and lack of at-level social skills) on my part.

    10. kitty

      when i was 8 i had a crush on mewtwo (if you are wondering in the finnish translation all the pokemon names are the same as the english ones) the first time i saw the movie i was afraid of him but when he came back in the show idk i have notebooks thats just drawings and comics of him

      then i didnt like anyone again until i was 20 who is real and has hair

      1. kitty

        anyway i feel very called out by this and yesterdays comic

    11. Keulen

      Mine was probably a girl I went to school with in fourth grade. I don’t remember her very well because we had different friends and I’m pretty sure her family moved away the next year, but I think I went to her birthday party after school during my fourth grade year. I also didn’t realize my feelings toward her were a crush until years later.

    12. Norah

      Mine was a blond guy in a 1960s TV show.

      1. Bagge

        Honestly, that all the context I need.

      2. thejeff

        Was it a spy show?

    13. Emily

      I have no idea what crushes (or romantic feelings in general) are supposed to feel like and I’ve never felt in a way for someone that jumped out at me like “Ah, yes this is that.”

    14. Cyrus

      The kid who played Milo in the movie adaptation of The Phantom Tollbooth. I only ever watched it once and I have very few clear childhood memories; it made quite an impression.

    15. Zee

      My first real, knock me off my feet crush was in sixth grade on this guy I’d been going to school with since kindergarten. I guess puberty hit and I suddenly realised how cute he was (he only got hotter with age). I considered him as “like me but popular”; quiet, smart, reads a lot, Percy Jackson fan. I remember once I had to give him a marker in front of class for some reason and I’ve never been this flustered in my life. Unfortunately, my hair was so short people thought I was a boy, there were rumours that I was a lesbian going around (half right) until everyone realised my crush, and I was just…really gross in general. Probably just creeped him out lol

    16. Sam

      When I was 4 years old, I had my first crush on a boy called Callum who was also 4/5. I followed him around and we became friends at some point but he had a girlfriend at some point and I felt jealous. But he also told outrageous lies a lot which when I learned of, killed off all interest I had.

      I didn’t have another crush until I was 12/13, and that’s my current boyfriend that I’m still with now. I haven’t had any other crushes that I’m aware of.

    17. Roborat

      The girl in the old Frosty the Snowman cartoon, not sure why, think it was her voice. The beginning of many crushes on cartoon characters.

    18. Yotomoe

      When I was in bible school (about 4 or 5) I once told my mom I had a crush on a girl and I said “because when she reaches up I can see her tummy”
      I was kind of a little perv even back then.

  16. Marsh Maryrose

    I’ve heard of garbage fires. I’d never heard of garbage roof fires before. Learn something new every day.

  17. BBCC

    I mean, Amber should tell him soonish because the longer she doesn’t, the more it looks like she’s hiding it from him, but they’re right, it’s okay to take a while to work up the courage to tell him.

    Might wanna give him a ‘watch your step’ about the grades sooner rather than later though.

    1. Tacos

      I think she’s more worried about telling him how she stabbed his sister than about telling him she changed his grades at least if that’s what you were implying.

      1. BBCC

        Oh, this is definitely about the stabbing, but that grades thing could bite them both in the ass reaaaaalllllly hard.

        1. ǝ snow ʍousɐ

          Perhaps, if they catch it. Maybe Amber gets in trouble for lowering Walky’s grades and they’re “corrected” back to As?

        2. King Daniel

          In the context of academic fraud covering grade alteration, “in trouble” could extend as far as being suspended or expelled.

        3. Catman

          I’ve forgotten what order things happened in, but I hope Amber’s dad didn’t get evidence of that when Faz copied her hard drive

        4. BBCC

          If they have evidence of it, it’s not going to go to A’s and frankly, Walky probably wouldn’t want that.

    2. thejeff

      And a heads up about how the whole Amazi-Girl thing works, so that when he next sees AG, he’s got some idea what not to do.

      1. MatthewTheLucky

        As far as Amber knows, Amazi-Girl is dead.

        1. thejeff

          That’s wishful thinking on her part at best.

          She knows AG went out and did stuff while Amber was asleep at least once. I think she’s commented on being tired because of it, suggesting she’s at least worried about that being more common.
          Sure, she’s yelled at her, thrown away the mask and fought off one panicked attempt to take over when she was still conscious, but even if we hadn’t seen AG active, she shouldn’t be thinking she was done.

  18. Sporky

    So it was Dorothy after all.

    I guess that’s the answer that makes the most sense but it’s kinda anticlimactic

    1. Clif

      Not anticlimactic when Dorothy’s approaching and doesn’t know. And has an interesting current relationship with both of them.

      Tomorrow’s will probably be anticlimactic.

  19. abysswatcher1993

    If Danny shows up the romantic quadrangle would be to awkward, and if Sal shows up Amber would freeze like El Chavo del Ocho when he gets La Garrotera.

    1. Bagge

      Yeah… in fact, where IS Danny? This is exactly the sort of awkardpolosa he usually finds himself in.

      1. BenRG

        My guess is that Danny is currently snuggling whilst trying to not snuggle too obviously with Sal on the lakeside. Another ‘mixed feelings’ thing.

  20. stoodmuffin

    THAT WAS HIS FIRST.

    EVER.

    YOU BIG FUCKING LOVEABLE DORK, YOU

  21. BenRG

    Because context is everything.

    Meanwhile, I suspect that Dorothy is about to learn the real meaning of the phrase ‘mixed feelings’.

  22. Keulen

    Dorothy doesn’t know that Walky and Amber are dating yet, does she?

  23. Xccj

    He’s talking about Asma, the front desk lady, right?

    1. Bagge

      Only to be expected. She gave him cookies.
      (Well, she handed him the package that contained the cookies, but details, schmitails)

  24. poofdepoof

    Walky’s such a good boy. Panel four is so kind!

  25. Eldritch Gentleman

    Take Cover! Dumpster Fire Incoming!

  26. Darkoneko

    “I kinda stabbed your sister”
    “oh, cool”

  27. Catman

    Have to check because of Willis’ tweet.

    Dorothy

    1. Catman

      NOOOOOOOOOOO

      DORTHY

      1. Catman

        Ha ha, loophole detected

  28. thereaverofdarkness

    So are we placing bets on what the next strip will contain? I am guessing (and/or hoping for) one of these two to finally reveal (read: accidentally let slip) a secret, and it improves their relationship and/or causes a funny reaction face.

  29. steelbright

    why is willis so good at drawing people all excited about dating it makes me heart hurt

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