183

Heaven
Posted on April 23, 2018 by David M Willis

183 thoughts on “Heaven”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    go drunk Homey, you’re walk

    1. King Daniel

      drunk walk Go, you’re home

      1. butts

        Go walk drunky, you’re home

        1. Pablo360

          Go set watchman, you’re controversial

        2. Screwball

          I swear to drunk, I’m not as think as you Officer I am, God…

        3. FacelessDeviant

          Punk in drublic.

        4. Sev

          I really want to make a subtle allusion to a NOFX song or something to show that I appreciate the reference, but I’m too tired to think of anything, so I’m just going to settle for this.

        5. Walky_Talky

          I’m going to the Philly show in a few weeks.

        6. UniqueSnowflake2

          I just had tee martoonies and a scottle of botch.

        7. Deanatay

          Nowhas near’s thunk as you drink ‘am.

        8. legobil

          This makes me wanna write a sentence/word scrambler that deconstructs sentences and remakes it into hilarious new sentences.

        9. Eduardo

          Walky home drunk, you’re go.

  2. Victor Riley

    WHY does he have a lot of flasks? That’s the first question…

    1. Cheesy1

      All British people have a “Flask-Space”, didn’t you know? :p

      1. Pablo360

        …yes, but why?

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          How else do they keep their “stiff upper lip”?

        2. Pablo360

          Iron bar implants.

        3. Durandal_1707

          He’d *have* to have a stiff upper lip, or something, to drink as much tequila as that looks like without dying of alcohol poisoning.

      2. Clif

        Flask space is like L-space. But different.

    2. Haven

      If anything, the question is now “why don’t I have a lot of flasks?”

      1. Inahc

        Because they look impossible to properly clean? I mean, alcohol kills a lot of stuff but I still don’t want accumulated backwash in my drinks.

        … I remembered another reason I never got one: a recycled pop bottle looks way less suspicious if you want to smuggle drinks.

        1. Needfuldoer

          I don’t drink, but according to The Google it sounds like they’re just thoroughly rinsed then soaked in vinegar every so often.

        2. ozzi

          However there is nothing more dapper than a proper flask, dear boy.
          (actual British person so have the accent to pull this off)

        3. ozzi

          and to set the record straight I have 7.

        4. Miri

          We have at least two at home. And when I was younger I remember labelling water bottles “not grape juice” (wine) and “not paintstripper” (cheap vodka)…

        5. Annonymouse

          My red enamel ones contained naphthalene aka coleman fuel.
          The plain bare aluminum ones held alcohol for the mountaineering stoves.
          Only the double walled stainless steel ones contained imbibes.
          Don’t ask what was in the blue one – I don’t know and won’t ask.

    3. FLUFFYWOLF

      for GLORY, Victor, FOR GLORY!

    4. BBCC

      Between the number of flasks and the night time bar hopping, I’m actually a little concerned he has a bit of a problem.

      1. Pablo360

        I’m sure he’s perfectly fine, just like every other character in this webcartoon by david emm willis

    5. brasca1

      That vest probably has the same kind of space time distortion of a TARDIS.

      1. CoMa

        You just answered my “No the real question is: WHERE does he keep them?”

        1. Annonymouse

          Now to find the answer to “When does he keep them?”

        2. thejeff

          It’s actually only one flask. He just pulls it from different points in the time line.

    6. bluewind

      Gifts from people back home? Won them at the pub? Regardless, Jason is an adorable bean when he’s had a few drinks.

  3. AnvilPro

    Oh those silly people from Britland, with their TARDIS pockets filled with nothing but drink containers

    1. Pablo360

      He’s like Mary Poppins, except the exact opposite in every way.

      1. Doctor_Who

        Remember the scene with the magical changing medicine? Mary’s actually does turn into booze, so maybe they aren’t so different.

        Fun fact: that was done with an actual working prop, and Jane’s reaction when she sees the color change is real.

        1. Pablo360

          themoreyouknow.gif

    2. Yumi

      Jason is a Sim.

    3. AeroQC

      There is no such thing as a TARDIS pocket.
      No no, it’s simply a matter of his pockets having their own pockets, so he puts his flasks in those pocket pockets within his pockets. POCKETS!

      1. SgtWadeyWilson

        …so like an inverse 90s character?

        Instead of a buncha pouches we never see used, a buncha pockets we never see, used.

  4. StClair

    Where does he keep them?
    It’s not like he has any hips to speak of.

    1. Pablo360

      I understood that reference.

    2. Van Jealous

      Secretly, Jason is EXTRA HIP, which is why he has room for three flasks!

      1. butts

        he’s one hip cat, daddio

      2. Van Jealous

        Whoops…..Four Flasks!

        1. jeffepp

          Five is right out.

        2. Marsh Maryrose

          I see that Jason has the Holy Flask Set of Antioch.

        3. Tacos

          He probably has more hidden in other places. Watch him pull out at least two more from Walky’s hoodie,

      3. Deanatay

        Jason is so hip, he has difficulty seeing over his pelvis.

    3. Achallenger

      I dressed like Jason in college, although I lacked the balls to rock the bow tie, but vests are great for caring things like flasks and large cell phones

  5. butts

    The shortest version: sadness

    1. HeySo

      Same length as “Because”, so I suppose you’re right either way. 😛

    2. SgtWadeyWilson

      Not so! I propose one shorter: life

  6. Danni

    vest of holding

  7. Yumi

    I wonder how Becky feels about drinking herself.
    I wonder how loudly drunk!Becky would declare that she is a lesbian.

    1. Schpoonman

      She’d take a leaf outta Black Bolt’s book.

      1. Pablo360

        …and never talk again for fear of destroying everything she holds dear with the power of her own voice?

    2. timemonkey

      Becky would probably be a sad drunk. Her loud personality is a mask she wears to hide her sadness, a trick she learned from her mom.

      1. Yumi

        I see her as getting loud first, then breaking down when she has a drink too many.

        1. Baba Yaga

          It probably depends if Dina is there too; if so there will be running around and acting like dinosaurs, if not the chances of insecurities being discussed is at least doubled. Or breaking things and yelling at figures of authority.

      2. Fart Captor

        As someone inclined to mask angst with humor, I don’t think that’d be the case, unless she was already feeling sad at the time. Otherwise, I think she’d get louder / more relaxed at first, and she’d just get really sincere. That’s generally what happens with me. Getting drunk with friends tends to result in my voice becoming very hoarse, and if I get drunk enough, a lot of people gettin’ hugged.

        Basically I think she’d be a loud, eventually mushy drunk like I am

        People don’t pull masks like that out of nothing. There’s always some reflection of who they are in the mask, because it’s not something consciously designed to fool people. Becky really is a loud, playful dork when she’s happy. It’s just that she also pretends to be one when she’s stressed out or sad, because she’s afraid people only want to be around the loud, playful dork.

    3. SgtWadeyWilson

      After that first sentence, all I can picture is a vampire Becky biting normal Becky.

      …and I don’t think I can thank you. I doubt I have that many thanks.

      1. Yumi

        Becky re: vampire!Becky: “And I think I’m kinda gay.”

        1. SgtWadeyWilson

          Bloody hell! I can’t write my reply in yellow crayon!

  8. DailyBrad

    Walky and Becky interactions are always some of my favorites.

    1. Pablo360

      We don’t get nearly enough of them. But at least they’re more common than Walky and Jacob interactions (there are two, I’ve counted).

  9. Dana

    The table. /me points

    1. Needfuldoer

      Are we playing ‘tag urself’?

      I’m the third window bar from the right.

  10. Stephen Bierce

    I know the answer–but I’m FLASKing you the question!

    1. neeks

      “Just the flask, ma’am.”

    2. Deanatay

      Oh, yeah? Well, I rebooze to answer!

  11. Shiro

    Would…would it not be more efficient to carry one bigger flask? Or say, like, a very large opaque water bottle type dealie?

    1. Portland

      Maybe, but if your big flask gets taken away then no more alcohol.

    2. HeySo

      Not if you’re carrying around multiple types of liquor, or if you’ve got a pre-filled cache of flasks to swap out, and you simply grabbed them all at once.

      Also, most critically, small flasks are easy to carry. Large flasks are an enormous pain in the ass. Think carrying a 2-liter soda bottle versus carrying three 8-oz bottles (which is equivalent). Similarly, hip flasks typically range between 8 and 12oz, so a single large flask equal to four smaller ones would be as big or bigger than a 2-litter bottle. Not really easy to carry.

      1. HeySo

        *The smallest hip flasks run at 6oz (though there are pocket flasks that come in at 2 and 4oz), thus the “as big as a 2-liter” above; otherwise larger.

        1. Deanatay

          The smaller the flask, the more potent booze you need to put in it.

      2. Delicious Taffy

        How is a trio of 8oz bottles equivalent to two liters?

        1. StClair

          Drunk Math.

  12. Wright

    Drunk Walky is kind of hard to tell apart from sober Walky.

    Drunk Jason may be my new favorite character.

  13. Opus the Poet

    It was like 10 seconds from getting a new page to having 10 comments up. How is that possible? and some comments have multiple replies?!?

    1. Marsh Maryrose

      Asynchronous network protocols and a globally distributed fanbase whose members are conditioned to continually refresh their browsers starting at midnight, USA Eastern Time?

      1. Tacos

        Sure, that’s the boring answer.

        The fun one: time travel shenanigans.

        1. Clif

          The doctor will be along in a second.

        2. MatthewTheLucky

          And will be along a half hour before this comment after that.

      2. Some1

        Also, a large part of the fanbase is getting comics ahead of time before they’re posted for everyone else, thanks to Patreon, allowing them to write comments way ahead of time and simply copy-paste to the site.

        1. wwwhhattt

          The only other place I’ve seen that happen the comments are huge. If that’s the case here they’re not putting much effort in

        2. Yumi

          You can’t look like you’re trying too hard.

        3. BBCC

          Nah, most of the comments are way different on Patreon. I’ve seen some rewrites but no actual copy pastes.

        4. Yumi

          Well, it’s not that you’d copy it from your comment on Patreon, but rather that you’d type it out ahead of time and then paste it into the comment box on the site when the comic goes live.

  14. Passchendaele

    “All, uh, all 80 of them!”

  15. Blender

    Two drunk? You can never be two drunk, Becky.

  16. Koms

    This wouldn’t have happened if Jason carried egg cups instead of flasks like sane people.

  17. Classic Appa

    I really like Jason with mussed up hair. It’s super cute.

  18. BBCC

    I can’t blame him for having a bunch of booze on him with the class he taught, and he’s not the teacher anymore (I know he’s not been officially fired yet, but he doesn’t seem to plan to fight it).

    Though I imagine most of that went to Jason, with like a swig of it having gone to Walky.

    1. HeySo

      He was never the professor, just the teacher’s aid. Basically, a glorified secretary. In other words, all the responsibility, none of the perks, and all the more reason to drink. 😛

      1. BBCC

        Depends on the school. My TAs had a lot of responsibility, and they were definitely more than glorified secretaries.

  19. (((Mkvenner)))

    I miss two days and Jason got Walky drunk.

    I am giggling at the potential oncoming multiline train wreck that might be oncoming.

    1. Chris Phoenix

      No, they’re just drinking, not doing lines.

      1. HeySo

        Well, Galasso’s Pizza (and Subs) Conga Bar is definitely the right place to do lines.

        ..that’s what you meant, right?

      2. McBogue

        *Cues up Pat Travers’ “Snortin’ Whiskey, Drinkin’ Cocaine” on the hacked Muzak*

      3. (((Mkvenner)))

        Trains run on lines not lanes

  20. Nono

    Someone whisk Jason’s flasks away.

    1. HeySo

      I know how you meant that, but now I’m imagining someone using a whisk to clear the table. Because, uh. …Ninja Chefs?

  21. Puckish Rogue

    Well getting good and drunk over a break up isn’t a bad way of dealing with it (as long as you don’t make a habit of it) so enjoy yourself Walky

  22. AgentKeen

    If what Sal says is any indication, he’s not keeping them in his pants. (hey-oh)

  23. Joe Moose

    Oh hello! It’s Becky!

    Also…that is a lot of flasks…

    1. Marsh Maryrose

      So…”I Have a Lot of Flasks” for next book title?

      1. Joe moose

        “I have a lot of flasks full of T(equila)”

  24. Zach

    I can’t believe I forgot Jason was a fun drunk!

    When will we meet drunk Mike?

    1. (((Mkvenner)))

      probably in like 2028.

  25. Sol Karas

    Jason looks so much better with his hair tousled (I definitely thought so in his and Sal’s Pornographique on Slipshine lol). Basically, everyone looks better with their hair tousled.

    I call it… the Amazigirl effect.

    1. Sol Karas

      Of course I got a dissapproving Jason as a gravitar lmao

  26. Tacos

    I don’t think I want to know where he hides all those flasks…

    1. Clif

      There are some things the human mind is not meant to know.
      .
      We could tell you, but then we’d have to dehumanize you.

      1. Yumi

        When you dehumanize me, could you make me a tree? Thanks.

    2. Thundercrash

      Here’s a hint: it’s the same place where he used to keep his dignity and self-respect. Now that he’s not using those anymore, he has a lot more room.

  27. PB

    Jason looks cuter with his hair mussed. What is it with men in DOA looking better like that?

  28. AutobotDen

    Jason just looks so gleeful.

  29. Bagge

    Oh dear, Becky in panel five goes through all the horrible potential scenarios.

    “Is it about Billie? Is it about Dorothy? Is it about… Joyce?”

  30. Nobody

    How many hips do you have Jason?!

  31. Keulen

    Jason’s vest has hammerspace pockets.

  32. not someone else

    Ahh, a thing I finally identify with Becky about: being a sheltered enough kid that you have no idea what things actually signal Something Is Wrong vs. Someone Being Cool so you just kinda… go with whatever sounds right.

  33. David H. Adler

    Is Jason actually allowed to look happy like that? Asking for a friend.

  34. CJ

    “Dorothy and I are dumped” is an unexpected way to express the state of things.

  35. Reltzik

    Walky’s short version: 6 words.
    Jason’s shorter version: 7 words.

    I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Studying higher math destroys your ability to do basic arithmetic. (And while I can’t vouch for it from personal experience, teaquila likely has that effect as well.)

    1. Pat

      Are we counting words, letters, or syllables?

    2. HeySo

      You’re probably just intentionally misunderstanding it for humor so, I apologize; However, in the case that you’re not, note that Jason means shorter in terms of logical ordering, not presentation via speech. 😛

    3. Reltzik

      And now we can’t measure the lengths of the two versions because we’re arguing over the correct metric to use.

      … again, higher math destroys your ability to do basic arithmetic.

      1. jothki

        It doesn’t help that English has a kind of shoddy grasp on how many distinct noises you’re allowed to put into a single syllable before it stops being one. Flasks? Come on.

    4. Jago

      Orrrr… they’re drunk.

    5. DinaWho

      Are you counting the ‘is’s? I got one word less for each of them (didn’t count the ‘is’s).

      1. Reltzik

        …. apparently I did.

        …..

        …

        ..

        … IT’S NOT MY FAULT! I STUDIED HIGHER MATH!

  36. Tom T.

    It would be great if he wore all of those flasks in little pockets on a bandolier, like a Rob Liefeld character.

    1. Jago

      He is wearing them where it counts.

      1. Jago

        On the inside

        1. Jago

          of his vest.

  37. BenRG

    Well, at least Walky is still semi-coherent. Jason, on the other hand, seems far gone into “Drinky-drinky Wayhey Land”.

    So, hands up everyone who is disappointed that we didn’t get to see Ninja Rick?

    1. Yumi

      I held off on asking this yesterday because I was like, “Well, I can just look up this other universe character on my own time and answer my own question,” but that didn’t happen, so I’ll ask now:

      Who THE FUCK is Ninja Rick?

      1. Mr D

        Go read Shortpacked.

        1. Yumi

          No.

      2. foamy

        More helpfully, he was a kinda creepy dude with an obsession with ninjas and anime. One Shortpacked story line involved him committing a murder in a mall food court, as I recall.

      3. Mr D

        http://www.shortpacked.com/index.php?id=320
        Here

      4. BBCC

        Ninja named Rick who worked at Shortpacked!, Galasso’s toystore in That Other Universe. He had a sword, really liked anime, and was kinda creepy towards Malaya.

        1. C.T Phipps

          He was an awesome guy with a plastic sword who thought he was a ninja. He was Faz’s friends with benefits and also pined for Malaya.

      5. BenRG

        Ninja Rick was an employee at Galasso’s store in the Walkyverse – Shortpacked Toys and Hobbies. Rick was a total nutjob who thought that he was a ninja and behaved appropriately, right down to the continual verbalised stream-of-consciousness monologue about honour and bringing destruction on his foes.

        Rick had a fully-functional (and, I suspect, highly illegal under Californian law) katana named Burning Justice that he carried with him at work and occasionally used to threaten customers or co-workers. Amazi-Girl once disarmed him with a Pop Walker that she’d modified into a warhammer after he sided with Faz in an attempted coup.

        This was considered to be an ‘average day’ at Shortpacked.

        1. Khno

          I’m quite sure the katana was intended to be a one of the fake sort.
          http://www.shortpacked.com/index.php?id=317
          You can stab someone with plastic. Or with a fake lind of metal sword. Hell a dozen years ago I saw some neo-nazis chasing two young arabs, only to stop when one of the latters opened his car trunk and took a fake word from it (you could tell because real ones mustn’t have sparkly chinese ideogramms that might spell chicken soup or table tennis)). The interrupted chase resumed, roles inversed. I’m sad I hadn’t a sax to play on the balcony.

        2. Khno

          *kind
          **sword. It could be a fake word too from what I know.

        3. Deanatay

          ‘Sad’ or ‘Yackety’?

    2. timemonkey

      Nah, always hated Rick. Plus we were told years ago he wouldn’t be appearing here.

    3. Baba Yaga

      *raises hand*

  38. Zellgato

    Flasks are really quite useful.

    ….wonder if this’ll end with those two in a nsfw

  39. DarkoNeko

    wonder if Sal will be craving a pizza anytime soon

    1. HeySo

      “Dammit, Walky, do you have to get everything that I have? ..I mean, not that I want you or anything, anyway, Jason! B-Baka!”

      Tsundere Sal is fun to imagine.

      1. Eldritch Gentleman

        Please no, don’t ruin Sal with this abusive tsundere bullshit…

        1. John Smith

          No, she’s just extremely aggressive. She’s the one who jumped Jason, after all.

  40. Eldritch Gentleman

    Don’t you know? Every English person owns a miniature Tardis.

  41. Gliffle

    So is Becky the ninja?

    1. Eldritch Gentleman

      And she wants to ride Dina… Becky is actually from Dr. McNinja!

  42. C.T Phipps

    Becky: NOOOO! IF DOROTHY IS SINGLE THEN SHE AND JOYCE WILL HAVE SEX!

    Walky: Wait, what?

    1. BenRG

      I’m still thinking that Joyce is going to have an argument with Dorothy about Walky that’s going to mess up their friendship quite badly. Then a drunk Walky will find an upset Joyce who will try to ‘comfort’ him that will lead to her first sexual experience.

      1. C.T Phipps

        Pfft, as if Walky and Joyce would ever get together.

        *trombone heckle*

      2. thejeff

        I’m pretty damn sure that Joyce’s first sexual experience isn’t going to be some creepy comfort sex with a drunk.
        Beause eww.

        1. C.T Phipps

          It was almost Ethan!

    2. 3oranges

      I can imagine various Walky reactions to that idea, but probably not confusion.

  43. hof1991

    Jason is just a stack of flasks covered with a vest and pants.

    1. Deanatay

      You thought Jason had a nice chest? Flasks.

      Shapely thighs? Flasks.

      Droppa’ dem pants? FLASKS.

  44. Tealjoy

    The heck is he hiding those?

    1. BenRG

      He’s got a bandolier belt under this button-up formal shirt.

  45. Pl0x

    beckyyyyy, i missed her

  46. Billy Baggins

    Vests have pockets, dog. It’s a very simple answer.

  47. abysswatcher1993

    JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!

    1. Jago

      vs Freddy?

      1. abysswatcher1993

        Freddy Krugger? Fazbear? Mercury?

  48. ValdVin

    Have we seen two different characters display the “grille smile” in one comic before?

    1. Bagge

      They truly are birds of a feather.

  49. Cmd1095

    Jason where are you storing all those flasks? And also why do you carry that much booze on hand?

    1. Joe Angel

      The average British sweater-vest has four inside pockets shaped like a flask.

      Jason is no average brit, though.

  50. Madstuart

    I got nothing to say other than “fuck I love Jason” and also that I’d forgotten how much I love Jason.

  51. Smooti

    When you wear suits all the time, you have lots of pockets. Also I thought I’d make a joke about the bowtie being a flask, but the idea of Jason wearing some sort of clip on, even so that it could be filled with booze, was so… un-Jason I couldn’t even say it.

    1. Tobbun

      Secret bowtie flask that still has to be tied on like a bowtie. It’s the Last Resort Flask, containing the strongest spirits.

  52. Roborat

    I like how Walky talks in brackets.

  53. bardkun

    “Why not just get a bigger flask,” they asked me.

    “Because only alcoholics own giant flasks,” I said, reaching for the one in my other sock.

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