293

Spilled
Posted on March 25, 2016 by David M Willis

293 thoughts on “Spilled”

  1. AnvilPro

    There’s no where to go from here but down

    1. Ana Chronistic

      she should TOTALLY go down

      1. Clif

        Um…

        1. Alicia

          Found the Mary!

        2. Anothis

          This made my day. Dina, Carla, then Marie. LOL

  2. Snugglebutts

    There’s no santa!?

    1. miados

      lalalalalalala i’m not listening

    2. Dana

      There’s no *goddamned* Santa.

      1. Tunaro

        It’s like how Batman and Goddamned Batman are two different things. One is awesome and another is something we’re all better off leaving forgotten in a burning pile of trash.

        1. Arianod

          Thank you: now I’m imagining Santa Claus written by Frank Miller. Just what I needed to start the day.

        2. DarkVeghetta

          Praise be to Liefeld.

        3. Roborat

          You better, or he will remove your spine.

        4. thejeff

          Can’t help you with that.
          There is however Santa Claus as written by Grant Morrison.

        5. gwalla

          Wait, what?

      2. Amazi-Stool

        “I am the goddamned Bat Santa!”

        (Check the image gallery!)

    3. DarkoNeko

      WHAT ?

    4. SmilingNid

      With out Santa there is no basis for a secular morality, guess it is time to kill everyone.

      1. Arianod

        There’s Hymmel the Humming Hymnal though.

        1. yomi

          But isn’t Hymmel the Humming Hymnal very much not secular?

        2. Dana

          His message is sectarian, but his existence is scientific fact.

        3. DarkVeghetta

          Every time I read that name I hear ‘hymen’ in my brain. It was really hard not to read it Hymmel the Humming Hymen at first.

        4. Willoughby Chase

          Must … un-remember …

        5. Roborat

          I read it as hyena.

    5. Roborat

      Just thank your deity of choice that there is no Robot Santa.

  3. UnoriginalPasta

    neither is the tooth fairy or easter bunny oh well

    1. Snugglebutts

      WHAT!?

    2. Doctor_Who

      Leap Day William, though? Real as fuck.

      1. gkheyf

        steps out of a blue phone box once every 4 years and fucks up your shit

        1. JessWitt

          With his creepy fish gills.

    3. Dr. Smart

      the easter bunny is totes real… I know because I am the easter bunny… or i will be tommorow at walmart between 10 and 4

      1. Marisa Mockery

        Heh, good one.

      2. Gamaran Sepudomyn

        I didn’t know you could spontaneously become a monotreme.

        1. DarkVeghetta

          It’s a little-known affliction.

        2. DinaWho

          Rabbits aren’t monotremes…

        3. DinaWho

          Oh wait, was that a reference to the fact the Easter Bunny lays eggs?

          …jokes. I am good at them, clearly. -__-

        4. thejeff

          That just goes so well with the Dina name/avatar.

    4. Tacos

      Nor the Queen of England ~_~

      1. Rowen Morland

        Is that based on the ‘England isn’t a real country’ argument?

        1. Falling Star

          Since when the fuck is England not a real country?

        2. thejeff

          The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland is a real country. England is a part of Great Britain, as are Scotland and Wales. It is not a country on its own.
          As such, Elizabeth II is not Queen of England, but of “the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, and of Her other Realms and Territories” along with other titles specific to those other Realms and Territories, but not among them “Queen of England”.

        3. Falling Star

          Okay, that makes actual sense, not whatever stupid shit I had expected to find in a dark forum somewhere.

        4. Emperor Norton II

          Except it does get a bit more complicated than that again. England does in fact have status as a country, technically speaking. However, it is not a sovereign state, which is what the whole of UK technically is registered as.

          And it gets even messier when you know that when it comes to team sports, we will have the English, Scottish, etc. teams, signing up for the international tournaments. But for individual sports, the athletes tends to represent United Kingdom.

          I could go on about definitions and technicalities and whatnot, but the short version is: It’s all a clusterfuck, it really is.

        5. Roborat

          That should be their official motto: “Great Britain, it’s all a clusterfuck, it really is”.

    5. Skizz

      No President’s Day Georgie either. Not much of a shock there though, who would ever believe in a general with wooden teeth and wig?

      1. Fred

        Where did he find a wooden wig? That’s what I want to know.

        1. Clif

          It was cheap because of termites.

      2. No Name

        But, but President’s Day Abey exists right?

    6. Orion Fury

      Spoiler alert?

    7. TamiDOA

      Now you’ll probably tell us that Amazi-Girl doesn’t actually have any superpowers either.

      1. Clif

        No superpowers. Just dense bones because of a lab accident.

        1. TamiDOA

          Hmmm. She REALLY does like killing spiders in video games. Connection?

  4. Nicster216

    Gee carla must have been furious when she found out there was no tooth fairyXD

    1. Wublub

      “I crashed into this wall on my skates and lost FIVE TEETH and you’re telling me I’m not going to get my five dollars for it?!”

      “Carla, you get to eat ice cream and popsicles for every meal for a week.”

      “I WANT THE TOOTH FAIRY, NOT THE ICECREAM FAIRY.”

      1. MM

        Well, I want the Ice Cream Fairy.

        1. Clif

          Same here.

    2. DarkVeghetta

      Ruth is the real Tooth Fairy, but she takes your femurs instead.

      1. podian

        Femur Fairy.

        Yay for alliteration!

      2. StClair

        bones is bones, right? large, small…

  5. MatthewTheLucky

    Psshh, next you’ll be saying there’s no arbor day giraffe.

    1. gkheyf

      nope. that myth has been confirmed

      1. modulusshift

        Except for some reason it’s only visible on Labor Day.

        1. gkheyf

          and yet no one can tell the difference

      2. Nicster216

        yeah everyone knows he’s Geoffrey the Giraffe’s brother

        1. Needfuldoer

          Geoffrey’s a friggin sellout.

        2. gkheyf

          whoa…easy, man. pick your battles. there are certain fandoms which should not be roused

    2. fogel

      Soul Cake Duck is for real real.

      1. davidbreslin101

        Damn, I really miss soul cake since I moved to Sphereworld.

        1. Gareth

          *Roundworld

  6. Doctor_Who

    Great Carla faces in this strip.

    1. Arianod

      Especially in the second panel. Much cuteness.

  7. Kris

    Innocence lost!

    1. Tunaro

      You haven’t been reading this comic long if this is what kills your innocence, man.

      1. trlkly

        Not Kris’s. Carla’s. She just got a childish notion knocked out of her head.

        1. Clif

          No. No. In her heart Carla still believes in the power of abusing power.

        2. Slartibeast Button, BIA

          Now I am picturing Carla as invoke the Power of Abusing Power in a sort of Dark Side Captain Planet.

        3. Falling Star

          That is the best gravvie for that statement.

        4. John

          Now Carla and Ruth and Billie are going to have to go on a heartstring-tugging adventure where they learn the true meaning of abusing power. (Featuring Mary Bradford as the Grinch Who Staged a Coup d’État.)

  8. gkheyf

    nobody tell carla while she has her sarah face on…

    also, she is a totes pretty girl!

  9. Carolyn

    I love Carla’s outraged expression in that last panel. It’s oddly adorable.

  10. MM

    And thus begins Carla’s journey toward RA-dom.

    1. Doctor_Who

      Man, Carla becoming the new RA would be an oddly perfect resolution. Ruth could openly date Billie, and Mary would now face consequences for mistreating Carla.

      1. Durandal_1707

        Except that then no one would be able to do anything about Carla doing completely obnoxious things like parkour in the hallways.

        1. Doctor_Who

          See? Perfect solution.

        2. Charles Phipps

          I assume there’s an issue with Ruth paying for college because she’s the worst possible RA imaginable and shouldn’t be in any position of authority given the amount of non-bigoted but still traumatizing abuse she inflicts.

        3. Larkle

          Agree. ^

        4. Rycan

          And this would be a change from the status quo how?

    2. Hollister Dixon

      I don’t know why I didn’t see this, but this is a REALLY good idea and I honestly hope it happens. It would be so fulfilling.

  11. Mr. Mendo

    Carla should become Ruth’s apprentice, take over the abuse for her!

    1. Doctor_Who

      “Let the hate flow through you. Good…gooooood…”

      1. tim gueguen

        Carla can be Darth Ultracardius

        1. inqntrol

          And Mary can be Darth Bigotrus. No wait, that title fits Toedad.

        2. heyman

          There’s only supposed to be two Sith, though.

        3. Disloyal Subject

          The Rule of Two doesn’t always apply, or the Old Republic MMO would have a lot fewer Empire players.
          If Mary earns a Darth title, Bigotrus seems fine. Ross can be Darth Tarsus.

        4. davidbreslin101

          I gather that the “Rule of Two” is something the writers of “Clone Wars” and “Rebels” cursed George Lucas over- they had to contrive different classes of evil-red-lightsaber-users who aren’t /technically/ Sith.

        5. Emperor Norton II

          Hmm… OK, so I’ve managed to forget the prequels (mostly), but I do remember that line about there always being two, slightly. But I thought it meant that the Sith would always come in pairs: One master and one apprentice. But there are many pairs of them out there in the galaxy.

        6. thejeff

          Of course it’s a little weird to complain about since literally everything we know about the Sith comes from the prequels, where the Rule of Two was established. Before that “Sith” was just a word, with no meaning attached.
          It isn’t even used in the original Trilogy, though it was used to describe Vader in the script and some of the merchandising and later in novels. But just as “Vader, Dark Lord of the Sith” with no further explanation.
          As far as I know it was never attached to the Emperor before the prequels, so there wasn’t really even a “evil force users == Sith” thing before then.

        7. Disloyal Subject

          The Expanded Universe was a thing, and as far as I’m concerned it still is regardless of what Disney says.

        8. thejeff

          I didn’t read a lot of the EU. Was there any expansion on Sith in that before the prequels? Certainly a lot afterwards.

        9. Shiro

          From what I understand, that was the rule on paper, but it was understood by all parties that they’d be double-crossing each other and training other Sith behind their partner’s back.

        10. Emperor Norton II

          And when found out, the response is always the same:

          “What part of ‘I’m evil, don’t trust me’ is so difficult for you to understand?”

        11. Disloyal Subject

          I think there are a lot of technicalities involved about whether an apprentice ‘counts’ as a Sith or not, depending on what secrets they’ve been taught, whether their master plans on killing the other Sith anytime soon, and most importantly, bullshit.

        12. Gamaran Sepudomyn

          Considering the whole Darth = In- naming strategy, Carla would be Darth Trovert.

        13. Mr. Mendo

          “Inmaul”?

      2. Bibulb

        “LET it flow through? Try and stop it!”

  12. Stephen R. Bierce

    –Why don’t they/Do what they say/Say what they mean/One Thing Leads To Another…

    1. Queen Anthai

      So I guess I’m the only other one here who’s heard of The Fixx then…

      1. Norah

        I have too!

        1. heyman

          I’d hoped to never hear them in my head again….

      2. Opus the Poet

        Nope, the old dead guy used to listen to them too. They were a bit after my time on the radio though.

  13. Betty Anne

    Noooooo, ladies! It’s so you can abuse it while pretending not to abuse it so people like that you’re abusing it! 😀

  14. inqntrol

    Or learning that there’s no Tooth Faire and all this time your parents put the money under your pillow.

    1. UnoriginalPasta

      Growing up, I gave my mom my teeth in exchange for cash.

      She stored it in one of those little blue cases for sentimental value.

    2. EvilMidnightLurker

      The Tooth Faire is the place where tooth fairies sell and trade their collected teeth.

      For what? Better you shouldn’t know.

      1. Clif

        Femurs

    3. Cephalo the Pod

      My parents always put the money on, like, my nightstand or the windowsill.

  15. Paul

    What?? There is no Santa?

    1. TheNinthShader

      Now, now, honey, I need to tell you something… YOU are Santa.

      1. Clif

        There was an accident with a sled and a time machine.

  16. Yotomoe

    http://i.imgur.com/ltGArJQ.png

    1. Ctrl+C D@

      Power is sexy.

    2. Betty Anne

      Not sure if two minute awesome sketch fiend, or if Yotomoe is magic a patron magic. :/

      1. Doctor_Who

        My Little Patron: Yotomoe is Magic

      2. Ctrl+C D@

        Yoto is powered by our hopes and dreams….

        …And our weird fondness for Mary/Carla.

        Marla.
        Cary.
        Somebody think up a name for this ship I’m goin’ bananas.

        1. Prestidigititis

          Hell on Wheels.

        2. Dellaran

          An Internet, you wins it.

        3. podian

          +1.

        4. Falling Star

          Pure perfection.

    3. Wolf

      Mary’s a freaking badass right there. I mean, getting away with saying something mean? HARDCORE!

      1. Ctrl+C D@

        Admittedly a majority of the characters do this a lot.

        Though they usually say it with their eyes half closed, hunched forward, and in a sarcastic way.

    4. Rukduk

      These comics make me ship those two way more than I should given their in comic interactions.

      1. Yotomoe

        That’s my ability. I can ship anything.

        1. Ctrl+C D@

          Triceratops Dina and Toedad shaped Becky.

          Betcha’ can’t do that.

        2. Tunaro

          Do not provoke the internet, you know not what evils it’s capable of creating. Hell, I don’t know what evils it can create and I damn well prefer it that way.

        3. Needfuldoer

          When you stare long enough, and think completely jaded, the Internet’s dark side quadruples in size revealing new depths you wish you never went looking for.

        4. Orion Fury

          That doesn’t seem like a very useful ability. I guess every can’t get stuff like weather control or functional immortality.

        5. Needfuldoer

          Only Punxsutawney Phil has the power to change the weather.

        6. Vex Godglove

          And immortality apparently. How long has he been doing that gig!

      2. Spencer

        Well so far we’ve have romances in this comic spring forth from denying your sexuality, hiding in false identities, and actual repeat physical abuse, so hey sky’s the limit.

        I’d be more opposed if Yoto would stop drawing those two so dang cute together.

    5. Urukak

      Now do it over, except change Carla’s shirt to say “born to bongo.”

  17. Emoroffle

    Now I’m imagining Santa showing up from a dark corner saying “I just became real, because I’m the goddamned Santa Claus!” before disappearing in a puff of snow and sparkles.

    1. Bicycle Bill

      According to Terry Pratchett, the existence of gods and their powers as well as other mythical/mystical characters like the Hogfather or the Tooth Fairy is directly proportional to the number of people who believe in them.

      1. Emoroffle

        Now if only we could convince enough people that Trump is not real.

      2. heyman

        Didn’t Fritz Lieber say it first? in Lankhmar?

  18. Luzahn

    Well, Panel 2 Carla is adorable, isn’t she?

    1. inqntrol

      She’s always adorable!

  19. Nicster216

    Also due to the fact that two british teachers had sex with two students (sal and joe) , and the news editor kiss billie…..im sure ruth will be fine

    1. Wublub

      The news editor only almost kissed Billie, and if Jason or Penny got caught banging their students they would be in SOOOOOO much trouble.

      1. John

        I don’t think it’s ever actually been established that Joe’s in Penny’s classes. It’s the most obvious way for them to have met, but I could also see Joe hitting on her in passing in the hallway and Penny looking him up and down and going, “Yes, you’ll do. Put these handcuffs on.”

        It’d be pretty funny if, for all Jason’s pretentions, he were violating ethical rules while Penny was perfectly legit.

  20. Jay Eff

    Hey, Carla!
    There’s no goddamned Santa Claus.

    So drink the goddamned beer and get in the goddamned robot.

    Dadburnit!

    1. Doctor_Who

      Do you think “Get in the goddmaned robot” is what Joe said when he put Ultra Car in her new body?

      1. Jay Eff

        Yes.
        He also called Ultra Car “Shinji.”

        1. Doctor_Who

          Joe has shown an affinity for Transformers, I could see him being into mech anime as well.

        2. Tacos

          Well at least Joe was a better father than Gendo Ikari.

        3. Disloyal Subject

          Considering that Gendo was barely better at fatherhood than Blaine, that’s not saying much.

        4. Tunaro

          Three starving, rabid hyenas tied together with barbed wire would be a better father than Gendo.

        5. Opus the Poet

          Way to set the bar high there.

        6. EvilMidnightLurker

          It took Ragyo Kiryuin to clear the bar Gendo set for anime parenthood.

        7. Doctor_Who

          Oh god, don’t get me started on her. I loved that crazy show, but every scene she was in I wanted to kneel on her windpipe.

        8. Falling Star

          The sheer amount of evil parents on the internet will make your head explode.

        9. DaveM

          The abusive/cruel father is a depressingly common trope in Japanese Manga/Anime. One of the early examples being Dr. Tenma from Mighty Atom/Astro Boy.

        10. EvilMidnightLurker

          Tenma did recover to some extent, though, managing to climb as high as “helping from a distance even if he couldn’t bring himself to emotionally engage.”

    2. trlkly

      It’s Walky is still ongoing? I can’t manage reading two different comics with the same characters. How can he manage writing them?

      1. Clif

        Well you see, there was an accident with a time machine.

        1. inqntrol

          At least these 2 didn’t end up like Zaphod Beeblebrox.

        2. Falling Star

          They still could.
          Don’t think it can’t.

      2. Spencer

        Willis’ old comics, starting with Roomies!, have been getting reuploaded to a new site for the last three years. It’s Walky! ended in 2004.

  21. Spencer

    And also all the other ways she’s repeatedly and maliciously abused her power.

    Also Carla in panel 2 makes me think this isn’t the first time she’s ever had to justify to herself that she was a girl after a rousing game of transphobia, and that makes me really sad.

    It is somewhat mitigated by Carla’s epic pouting in the last panel. She looks like she’s going to chew her own face off.

  22. Paul

    Wow, I start to post and there is only one comment, I click “post comment” and I am so behind in my thought that several have already expressed it. I need cybernetic implants and I need them NOW!

    1. UnoriginalPasta

      I just refresh a minute before the hour.

    2. Slartibeast Button, BIA

      See Questionable Content yesterday and today.

      1. Falling Star

        Having a burger-pooping robot would be pretty great, though.

        1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

          He could get a job at Carl’s, Jr.

          (But at below minimum wage, of course.)

    3. Rycan

      I don’t see how getting a Pacemaker will help you here, though.

  23. Cattleprod

    ‘What, are you dense? Who the hell do you think I am? I’m the Goddamn Santa Claus.’

    Presumably said to a traumatized Hermey the elf.

  24. Prinnyramza

    Wait if there’s no Santa then where did I get all those gifts from? Wait my parents…. they really did love me.

  25. Wolf

    Dumbing of Triangle: DAY 9 http://imgur.com/04TsvII

    Santa Claus doesn’t exist?

    Old strips now being ported: http://imgur.com/a/7FHYX

    1. Sam

      So many of the old strips are so much more hilarious with triangle smiles. XD

  26. JessWitt

    Dumbing of Age: Everyone up here’s a jerk.

    1. Ctrl+C D@

      I’m changing my bookmark to that. Thank you.

      1. JessWitt

        Woo! I’m influential.

        1. inqntrol

          “Be careful not to abuse of your power.”

        2. JessWitt

          Next stop: The White House!

  27. Rukduk

    Eh, abusing power gets old after a while. That’s why you have consistently work to get ever higher positions of power in order to gain new power to abuse in ever more creative and powerful ways. The abuse of power must be constantly refreshes by the influx of new things to be powerful over, or else it becomes far to stale.

    1. No I Haven't Had My Coffee Yet

      Power: not even once.

      1. Rycan

        Before you know it you’ll be on the street corner, begging for change so you can buy your next power fix.

    2. Emperor Norton II

      Plus, power is simple. Any muscle-brain with a knife has power. Anyone with a gun has power. Power is simple and boring and tends to make you enemies.

      The real prize is control. To be the one that can, with just a gentle nudge, swing the situation into where you want it to be. To be the one that simply holds the finger on the scales of destiny, instead of kicking it over.

      And if you really desire control… Then first you need self control.

      (Yes, much of my general philosophies are based on Discworld, thank you very much.)

      1. Rukduk

        Hey, it’s a good place to get them.

        1. Emperor Norton II

          If only I could also get my grammar from those books, so that I wouldn’t write sentences like “much of my personal philosophies”. Sheeeesh!

          Perhaps my biggest influence, by the way, is when Granny Weatherwax states that the biggest (and in fact only real) sin is when you start thinking of other humans as things. There are worse crimes, to be sure, but most of the truly bad crimes are born out of that sin. Heck, I’d say that practically all crimes committed from a vantage point of power are crimes that would not have happened if people hadn’t been thinking of other people as things.

          And most certainly all the anti-trans legislation in NC recently – not to mention the “reward the bullies” thing that Kansas is now doing. Report a trans for using the correct restroom, get 2500 dollars. Just what the trans community needs to feel safe, right? RIGHT?

  28. caesaria82

    Carla is so cute in this. I mean, she’s always cute, but she’s kinda extra cute here. My cute little future tyrant in the making 😀

  29. ozaline

    “Cause I am one,” Oh poor Carla you’re feeling a little insecure aren’t you, c’mere hugs! … oh.. okay, I’ll go now.

  30. Mandy

    Ngl, I’m with Carla on this one. If I’d found out my RA was dating one of the girls on my floor, I really wouldn’t have given two shits. I can’t imagine that many people really would.

    1. Benwhoski

      Until someone like Mary, or someone who just _perceives_ some form of favoritism happening and reports her, there’s a very good chance that it’s directly against policy to date someone you are in a position of authority over, and that her bosses would be obligated to fire her regardless of whether there was actually any favoritism. It happens in a lot of jobs.

      That said, I can’t help but hope that the next thing Carla says is “So, why doesn’t Billie request a transfer to a different floor/dorm building?”

    2. heyman

      If Ruth told Carla to knock off the hallway roller skating, she’d probably be tempted to abuse her knowledge.

    3. vlademir1

      I’d agree, but it’s not Carla’s opinion nor anyone else’s on the floor that matters, it’s the opinion of the people above Ruth’s paygrade who in turn have to consider the potential ramifications of potential lawsuits over something like this because the US over the last fifty years has become absurdly litigious over fairly trivial and stupid stuff.
      That said, the easiest solution is for Billie to officially move off the floor which removes the potential abuse of power (and implicitly Mary’s threat of revealing their relationship in order to blackmail Ruth). The easiest solution for that happening expeditiously is Ruth going to whoever supervises the RAs and telling them that this is a thing and offering that as a solution.

      1. thejeff

        Yeah, it’s just because the US has become litigious over trivial and stupid stuff over the last 50 years. It has nothing to do with actual people being harassed and pressured for sex by bosses and others with control over their lives.

        1. Rycan

          I know! I mean, do you honestly believe that people get pressured into performing sex?

    4. Cephalo the Pod

      Especially given all of Ruth’s OTHER unlawful behaviour.

    5. Arianod

      As we’ve seen, it’s not how many people give a damn: it’s how much harm those people can do to you.

  31. caesaria82

    Also, I love that Carla uses ‘obvs’ in spoken-out-loud conversation. She is everything I aspire to be 😉

  32. knifleman

    I actually think “Everyone Up Here’s A Jerk” might be as good a book title as “The Machinations Of My Revenge Will Be Cold, Swift, And Absolutely Ridiculous”.

    1. Rycan

      No, nothing can beat the latter.

  33. Tacos

    Y’know, now that I think about it, I don’t think I ever believed in Santa Claus. Probably because my parents were super horrible at hiding the fact that they bought the presents.

    1. inqntrol

      Why didn’t they hide the presents in their wardrobe? That’s what mine used to do.

      1. Tacos

        Cuz I was a curious kid and would look in closets for no discernible reasons and would find the presents hidden under clothes or stuff.

        1. Arianod

          They didn’t have any closets with high compartments?

      2. Prestidigititis

        The lion and witch kept stealing them.

        1. Opus the Poet

          Obvious joke is obvious.

    2. Xelgaex

      I don’t remember ever believing in Santa either. Maybe I’ve just forgotten though. But then again, my parents didn’t try all that hard to maintain the ruse. I would had to have been pretty young not to notice that Santa had the same hand writing and used the same wrapping paper as Mom.

  34. Freemage

    This situation is really surprisingly easy to resolve:

    Step 1: Billie finds someone on another wing to trade rooms with.
    Step 2: Slightly more difficult, Ruth works with the woman whose name I can’t remember any better than Walky does to get Becky approved as a student.
    Step 3: Everyone turns Mary in for being an openly transphobic piece of shit, and when she tries to claim that the relationship started before Billie moved, everyone looks around and says, “Nope.”
    Step 4: Mary gets a job asking people if they’d like Jesus with their chicken sandwich.

    1. TamiDOA

      Panel 4 has me hoping Carla is about to point out the obvious: Move Billie to another floor, (other wing is boys, though that could be fun too). Problem 1 solved.

      Is the unnamed woman Leslie the Gender Studies teacher? She even asked Joyce if her friend had a place to stay. Problem 2 solved. (Becky has attended some classes unofficially, but it probably wouldn’t qualify her for late enrollment and dorm access.)

      It appears Ruth has stopped drinking so, problem 3 solved.

      Then Mary could receive what she truly deserves.

      1. trlkly

        I assumed he meant the mail lady, whose name I also forget. She showed up once before–to escort out Blaine. I think she’s supposed to be in charge of student affairs or something.

        1. Disloyal Subject

          Asma’s shown up a few times; mostly for mail or removing Blaine, but I believe she also gave everyone their room keys at the semester’s beginning.

        2. Freemage

          Yes, this is who I meant, and she is apparently named Asma, per Disloyal Subject’s post. Thanks for that. While she wouldn’t be the one admitting Becky, obviously, she could probably give them the info on who to contact.

        3. TamiDOA

          I believe Asma is Ruth’s boss, so getting her involved would risk her finding out Becky had been staying on Ruth’s floor and get Ruth fired.

        4. thejeff

          Ruth would not be fired for simply having an guest staying beyond the allowed limits, especially when, until Mary, no one has complained and pretty much everyone has been hiding it from her. RAs don’t do bed checks every night to be sure only authorized people are staying the night. Not in a long time.

          Now, she might find out about Ruth & Billie and that would be a problem. Or she might find out about Ruth’s threats and violence and that had damn well better be a problem.

        5. Spencer

          Yeah, between the extraneous circumstance surrounding Becky and the entire dorm conspiring against Ruth to hide her, I can’t really see Ruth getting in shit for that. Her entering into a relationship with Billie is a violation of the rules, but it’s ultimately harmless.

          It’s all the really horrible abusive shit she’s been pulling where she deserves to be fired.

        6. thejeff

          And yet that’s not what she’s being blackmailed with.

        7. Spencer

          Well, maybe. Mary didn’t bring it up but Willis did make a tumblr post describing how Ruth is “being blackmailed for being a shithead.”

          It’ll play a part in this storyline, I think. That Ruth won’t be supported by anyone besides Billie and now perhaps Carla, because she has been incredibly awful.

        8. TamiDOA

          I think Mary’s blackmailing Ruth because they’re both “Shitheads” and bullies. It’s the old cliche about two bullies eventually have to fight. “This floor’s not big enough for the two of us, partner!” 🙂

          I have some small hope that Ruth might mend her ways due to the influences of those who have surprised her by trying to help her. I have absolutely no hope for Mary.

        9. John

          I think Asma is just another dorm employee.

    2. Disloyal Subject

      I don’t think I want Mary working at Chick-Fil-A. Aside from the fact that it would mean Ethan and Becky might have to see the hateful wretch when they wanted a chicken sandwich, there are others far more in need of such a position’s wages. Becky, for example.
      And I think Walky knows Professor Bean, if only as ‘Leslie.’

      1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

        And she’d try to make trouble for the Gayganomics guy.

      2. Freemage

        Damn, I forgot that Becky’s working there. Okay, she can get a job at Hobby Lobby, then, stacking shelves and never coming into contact with customers.

        1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

          Becky is not working anywhere yet. She has applied for a job at Chick-Fil-A, or intends to.

          (Obligatory note of the importance of raiding her home for vital papers like her birth certificate and social security card. Since she is in her hometown this weekend.)

        2. Betty Anne

          If she knows her birthdate and ssn, it’s not that big a deal. I have never, ever applied for a job that actually asked for proof of either. Applying for a home loan, one time a rental landlord, working (briefly) for a temp agency, and going through bankruptcy were the only times I’ve ever had to take my card out. I don’t count the temp agency as a job because A) they were shit, and B) I found out the actual *employers* I worked for through them didn’t care.

        3. Slartibeast Button, BIA

          She does not know her SSN. Presumably she does know her birthdate.

          Come to think of it, she’d almost have to have a driver’s license or state ID card, wouldn’t she? And possibly an Anderson ID card.

          (For those outside the US, since a driver’s license is the de facto ID card in the US, most if not all states have the driver’s license agency issue non-driving ID cards as well.)

        4. thejeff

          At 18? If she doesn’t have a license and not everyone does, she probably doesn’t have a state ID card either.
          She may still have an Anderson ID card, but I don’t know how useful that would be.

        5. No Name

          Also, state issued ID’s aren’t mandatory, and a conserva-bigot like Ross sure as heck won’t make Big Gummint’s job of subverting his right to treat Becky as property any easier.

  35. Xelgaex

    Continuing the grand tradition of reading Carla as deeper than she presents herself: in panel 2, Carla’s being pretty flip about it, but I suspect it’s got to sting a little that she (felt she) had to reinforce that she is, in fact, a girl.

  36. Inara

    I for one am looking forward to the possibility of Angry Matchmaker Carla

  37. zmm

    yakno. assuming its normal rules
    that literally only applies to girls on her floor

    Billy should just find another room. Simple.

    1. Rycan

      You make a mistake in assuming that common sense is actually common.

  38. phildog

    I guess Carla’s not going to make the obvious suggestion that Billie move to another floor either.

  39. Dierna

    Santa is Batman?!

  40. WingedBeast

    Let’s be clear. Carla has said that it’s like finding out there’s no Goddamned Santa Clause.

    There *is* a Santa Clause. It’s Goddamned Santa Clause that Carla thinks isn’t real. Goddamned Santa Clause goes around delivering subversive gifts to all the kids who’s authority figures need bringing down a peg.

    Carla thinks Goddamned Santa Clause doesn’t exist. But, he’s the one who left her roller skates under the tree one year.

    1. trlkly

      No, she believes in Goddamned Santa Claus. This is just what it would be like if she were to find out he wasn’t real.

      She may not believe in a Goddamned Tim Allen movie, however.

      1. DaveM

        Goddamned Santa Claus is the one who breaks into your home ignores the milk and cookies and instead raids the fridge and drinks the good scotch, and doesn’t leave the presents you want, just the presents you deserve. “You better watch out” indeed.

  41. Pedantic Peanut

    It’s less like saying there’s no Santa and more like there’s no Christmas.

    What I’m saying is Carla is more concerned with the presents. As are we all.

  42. ElDiabloRobotico

    So was my dorm abnormal in that RAs dating residents of their floor was not uncommon?

    Of course, my dorm also had the 30-something Resident Director dating more than one of his 20/21-year-old RAs. (Not at the same time, at least.)

    1. Rycan

      Rules regarding sex just don’t seem to have great compliance rates in colleges and universities. This ranges from the absurd (why do Christian schools think they can ban pre-marital sex?) to the disturbing (why does college rape culture even exist?)

      So yeah, I kinda doubt that’s abnormal.

  43. DarkoNeko

    …when did you last sleep, Ruth ?

    1. Charles Phipps

      Uh, this would be the next day so…the night before last?

  44. Plasma Mongoose

    Of cause there is a Santa Claus, he travels at Mach 100 and is totally bulletproof and he has an adorable daughter with detachable ponytails.

    1. Rycan

      Detachable ponytails aren’t that impressive. What’s impressive are reattachable ponytails.

    2. Falling Star

      I like Gaia with that hair.

      1. Jhon

        Did you know your grav blushes every time I scroll the page upward?

  45. LadyThrimbletrimmer

    Carla is everything I aspire to be.

  46. Rycan

    I think Carla has found her calling. I’m not sure if this is great or horrifying, but it sure is amusing.

  47. Kay

    Yes, you are. (I love you, Carla. ;;; As a character. I worry you’d throw way too many pies in my face in real life.)

  48. trlkly

    So Carla’s oft commented homoromantic status has also now been stated in comic.

  49. Eric

    Candlejack isn’t real eit

    1. Charles Phipps

      +1 Freakazoid point.

  50. Arianod

    *Sigh* Don’t worry, Carla: there are many kinds of power, and most of them you can actually abuse all you like.

  51. StClair

    “Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.”

    1. TheNinthShader

      According to the multiverse, there is a bible verse about this. ¨If you are a fucker, you will move up in the ranks of society, and keep being a fucker¨
      ballsacks 2:32

      1. ChrisHerself

        I desire to read more of this tome

  52. Dariu55

    All my dreams are SHATTERED. Haha

  53. engineer

    Dave gets girl conversion very well:
    I dont get at all what they’re talking about!

  54. TheNinthShader

    What if…Ruth is Santa Claus?

    1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

      She needs femurs to feed all those elves?

      1. inqntrol

        Nah, the deer eat the femurs, elves get booze.

        1. inqntrol

          *reindeer

    2. Willoughby Chase

      Well, she *has* been filling Billie’s stocking …

  55. Nathan Samson

    I can’t believe I somehow forgot how much I miss Carla.

  56. Willoughby Chase

    There ain’t no Sanity Clause ….

  57. Richard

    For some reason the phrase “goddamned Santa Claus” makes me imagine if Frank Miller were to write Christmas stories.

  58. Dooo(8) it

    One of the odd disconnects I have with DoA (along with its treatment of alcohol, although that’s gotten a bit better) is the treatment with RAs.

    At my school, an RA was barely an authority figure. Maybe it’s just because Ruth is a hyper-aggressive orphan with delusions of responsibility (and also this is a comic strip) that makes her act like this? Most years I barely even SAW my RA.

    1. Emperor Norton II

      Yeah, Ruth is also an oddity among the other dorm RA’s in the dumbiverse too.

      Ethan’s RA had the following to say in his first and only dorm meeting (paraphrased from memory): “OK; drunkenness is not consent, don’t make too much noise after 11, yadda yadda yadda, OK, Star Trek marathon is on, later.”

      1. Spencer

        I mean, mostly we’ve just seen her be abusive to Billie. Otherwise she does normal RA things, outside of occasionally extending said abuse to other students.

        1. Emperor Norton II

          And she’s mostly been clever about the abuse to Billie too. Such as letting Billie take the first shot, so that she can simply counter, and if Billie had complained, Ruth would be all “I have several witness who will state that she was starting the violence, and that I therefore had to defend myself.”

  59. Emperor Norton II

    Mind you, I’m pretty sure that soon this comment tree will have people tell you stories from their own dorm life. Scary stories. Be afraid. Be very, very afraid.

    1. No Name

      You’re a little late for that, Your Imperial Majesty.

  60. Pecker Holder

    Yes, Ruth. ”Fraternizing” with someone from the dorm was your abuse of authority, your sole transgression, yes!

  61. Sigurther

    Im with Carla on this one.

  62. Falling Star

    Better than the power abusing you.

    1. A5PECT

      Unless you’re into that sort of thing.

      And I think Billie is.

      1. thejeff

        Though, since they started the actual relationship, Billie has pretty much given as good as she got. Not a healthy relationship by any means, but not a one-sided abusive one either.

        1. Falling Star

          She honestly is trying to help Ruth out, which I think is completely sweet.
          I’m not sure if Ruth is putting in 100%, but that’s just what I’m seeing.

  63. Rob

    I just want to say that I think Carla is kind of a jerk, regardless of the circumstances of the comic.

  64. Kugai

    I think Ruth is at a crossroads. Whichever way she goes will, I think, depend on whether she can salvage things between herself and Billie as well as being able to tell Mary to go fuck herself.

    1. Charles Phipps

      Billie and Ruth don’t actually make a good couple. I think they should work to finding someone better for themselves.

  65. John

    I’m not really clear on how Carla being a girl makes her more (or less) qualified to judge their cuteness.

  66. quix

    I realize this is a horse other commenters have long-ago beaten to death (perhaps even in this thread I haven’t read yet), but:

    Maybe this is when we see a canon-answer to the ‘why doesn’t Billy just apply to move rooms?” question. Carla seems like the type to prefer a cut-the-malarky solution, and it’s a little thing that bugs me every time this arc has come up. I can probably come up with reasons why they can’t do it, but no one’s addressed it yet, and it’s like an itch by this point.

    1. Spencer

      From what I understand, changing rooms with someone would take a long time, and I’m guessing that Billie would want as little distant between the two as possible, in case being separated from Ruth would motivate her to go through with drinking herself to death.

      1. quix

        That’s a possible reason sure. But balanced against the other problems, a flight of stairs versus a few doors down probably isn’t a big difference.

        And maybe other people had different experiences, but it took me less than a week to do it when I was in school.

        It’s sort of like seeing a ‘lost in the wilderness’ story where you know the guy has a cellphone, but never calls for help. He might not have reception. The phone might be dead. All perfectly reasonable ways to play it. But until he tries, it annoys you he’s overlooking the obvious answer.

      2. thejeff

        Well, just because she officially moves to another dorm wouldn’t mean she couldn’t actually just move back in with Ruth. No longer officially under Ruth’s authority would be the issue.
        It’s not really surprising they didn’t try it before – neither is really into long-term planning or thinking clearly about the relationship. Now that Mary has forced the issue it seems more likely it’ll come up.

        1. Spencer

          I figure one of the main problems that’ll come up if Billie and Ruth gain some foothold (say Ruth loses her job, or Billie gets out from under her authority) is that it’s going to encourage them to continue worsening their problems.

      3. HeySo

        From what I’ve seen of various university housings, you’re lucky- or unlucky, I guess, since your roommate must be an absolute nightmare- to be able to get swapped to another dorm within the same semester you put the request in.

        From what we’ve seen here, it was knee-jerk train-wreck romance, followed by a ‘shit, we gotta fix this situation quick’.

        There hasn’t yet been any indication they aren’t willing to consider long term plans- rather, a few exceptionally high-drama weeks don’t really make for good calm+breathe+plan settings 😛

    2. L!ghtn!ng

      Chiming in a day late here, but when I was in college, they didn’t let freshmen change rooms until second semester. Not sure if they made exceptions for extenuating circumstances, but knowing my college, I’d guess not…

  67. Theluxland

    I’m starting to really like Carla after all

  68. Hescotti

    Maybe one resolution to this is the fact that blackmail is a crime? People forget that.

    1. John

      It’s not that people forget it, it’s that reporting the crime means bringing into the open something that you desperately wanted to hide or you wouldn’t have been blackmailable in the first place.

      (Reporting it is still generally the better bet, because the first thing smart blackmailers do with their leverage is force you to give them more and worse blackmail material. Better to just cut your losses. Mary is not a smart blackmailer.)

  69. Griffin

    You should know because you’re a cute girl, Carls, thus being an example of your own statement.

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