157

Mormon
Posted on January 30, 2012 by David M Willis
An abandoned alternate punchline can be found on my Tumblr.

157 thoughts on “Mormon”

  1. Wack'd

    I’ve done this. No, I’ve done worse–I’ve actually stopped myself halfway through a rant and told people it’s okay to tell me to shut up. That’s how bad I get.

    1. Bekah

      I believe it.

      1. darcos0

        as foghorn leghorn would say…
        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ArSLNJNUEIM

        1. saturnwonder

          I giggled, and then saw Donald doing something so very dirty….

    2. Crazy Dina

      Maybe we need a universal hand sign for “Stop me please, I know I’m talking like an idiot and my foot tastes disgusting!”

  2. David Herbert

    Well at least she didn’t stick her foot any further down her throat.

    1. mechaqua

      I don’t think she could have it was pretty far down there.

      1. a99steaksauce

        I think that she had both of her legs down her throat is much more fitting.

        1. fellixe

          All the way to her FEMURS!

        2. Plasma Mongoose

          She needs to keep those if she wants to live.

        3. narmenduke

          Man, if she really can get them down that far, the boys are going to love her if she ever changes her mind on the whole premarital sex=bad thing.

        4. David Herbert

          If she doesn’t, at least her husband will be enjoying himself.

  3. Mkvenner

    Overcompensating much.

    1. TSED

      That’s a completely different webcomic. This is Dumbing of Age.

  4. Khantalas

    Well, I would consider “premarital hanky-panky being bad” a pretty weird-sounding thing to believe in.

    1. Wack'd

      I consider calling sex “hanky-panky” a pretty weird-sounding thing period.

      1. LauraS

        But sex is a naughty word!

        1. mechaqua

          “there are no bad words, bad thoughts, bad intentions and words.”
          George Carlin

        2. a99steaksauce

          What about the guy with the intention to steal just to make someone feel bad?

        3. mechaqua

          Ok how is it stealing when you quote someone and then attribute the quote to the person who said it? Also the previous statement was probably said sarcastically i am not understanding how the George Carlin statement would make someone feel bad I had no bad intention when saying it

          Unless there is a joke I am not getting here then explain please.

        4. G127

          I’m not a mind reader, but I think a99steaksauce was
          just trying to give an example of someone with a ‘bad
          intention’. Other examples might be planning a murder,
          using or thinking extremely violent or racist thoughts.
          I think that does exist… But I have no idea what the
          context of the George Carlin-quote is, so I might be
          mis-interpreting…

        5. a99steaksauce

          Yes, that was what I was trying to say. Thank you.

        6. gangler

          Mechaqua got awful defensive awful fast.

        7. mechaqua

          Thank you G127 for elaborating and sorry a99steaksauce I got way to defensive I apolgize for being an ass. I really to work on my paranoia ,problem and my spelling andpuctuation problem

        8. a99steaksauce

          No harm done mechaqua.

        9. Crazy Dina

          … Now I”m trying REALLY hard to imagine Mechaqua as a butt.

        10. Animaniac

          Its hard to read written out like that. George’s inflection
          makes it pretty clear that he’s saying:

          There are no bad words.
          There are bad thoughts…
          There are bad intentions…
          And then there are words.
          (Vocally he puts them into three distinct groups)

        11. mechaqua

          I am directly quoting from a George Carlin album recoding. Its his 7 words you cant say on TV joke although he has retold this joke so many times there are alot of diffrent ways this quote has been said and diffrent inflections je used when telling it.

        12. Axel

          Thank you, that made a lot more sense to read..

        13. Animal

          “Half of what you read on the internet isn’t true.”

          – Abraham Lincoln

        14. Usayasha

          May I quote you on that, Animal?

  5. Blob Marley

    How’s that foot taste, Joyce?

    1. Jetstream

      I think a better question is how much she’s enjoying her THIGH.

      1. Khrene Cleaver

        If Joyce went any further could it be considered a lesbian college experiment?

        1. gangler

          Wait, so Joyce isn’t stuffing her mouth with her own feet? Who’s feet are in there?

        2. TheBenenator

          Walky!Joyce’s, of course.

          Wait, would that be masturbation, or incest? . . .

        3. TheBenenator

          Because it ceases to be funny and becomes just plain creepy if it’s the latter.

        4. Remora

          “It’s incest in branching or changeable timelines, and masturbation in inevitable timelines. In either case, yes, it is gay.”

          – Tailsteak, “Basic time travel etiquette”

  6. Plasma Mongoose

    Joyce’s next line: “Can you help me pull this foot I seem to have in my mouth.”

  7. Ray Barrington

    I think that’s in the Bible – “It is easier to get into the Kingdom of Heaven than to keep the girl in the striped sweater vest from babbling.”

    1. Henry

      Actually, Biblical references to Joyce usually refer to her as “She of the Triangle Grin.”

      1. Michelle J Caboose

        It depends on whether you read the King James version or one of the modern translations.

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          And translations don’t get more moderner than The Brick Testament.

        2. Henry

          Indeed. It is a thing of beauty.

  8. Xailenrath Omniversal

    I’ve always been amazed at the uncanny ability some folks have to just keep talking with a whole foot in their mouths.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      I’m surprised she still has any feet yet.

  9. LauraS

    Joyce is so adorable when she’s pushed out of her comfort zone!

    1. LauraS

      And unbelievably, this seems to be progress. Remember when she found out Dorothy was an atheist?

      1. Mkvenner

        Atheist=Godless heathen
        Rest of Christianity=Heretic

        1. a99steaksauce

          You know they consider heretics worse. Or is that just when compared to pagans?

        2. Colleen

          Depends who you talk to. I’ve been told I’m going to Hell for being Catholic, right along with the Atheists. One isn’t really worse than the other to them.

        3. TheStranger

          Probably also depends on whether you talk to somebody with a clerical background or a lay person, though. A lay person may not be able to tell you the difference between heresy and disbelief.

          A leader of the church, on the other hand, may say something like “the pagan may not yet have been introduced to the Word, while the heretic is willfully clinging to non-canonical beliefs.”

        4. Brendan

          Fundamentalists will tell you that Catholics are pagans, just having replaced the old gods with figures from the Christian mythos – Mary in particular is always supposed to be some goddess or other (also the Whore of Babylon, since “Babylon” at that time was a common metonym for the oppressor, then Rome, Babylon being centuries abandoned). Judas the Maccabee, Jesus ben Sirach, and the Catholic envisioning of John (not the Baptist, the cute, kinda girly-looking hetero-life-mate, evangelist, author of several fascinating letters to the editor, and ultimately crazy old man on shrooms screaming about seven-headed dragons).

        5. Whit

          Evangelicals generally don’t consider Mormonism a Christian denomination, they consider it a separate religion.

        6. Mkvenner

          I think many christians don’t consider mormonism a Christian denomination, not just the evangelicals.

        7. Stevie Windup

          Which is kinda funny when you consider that the full name of our church is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

          I mean, seriously, folks. Sure, we may not be Christian in the way you want us to be. Sure, we don’t follow the Nycene Creed. But we worship Jesus. We’re Christians.

  10. MM

    Either Agatha has experience with this sort of thing, or she’s just that nice.

    1. Mkvenner

      I’ll go with experience.

    2. Leorale

      I think both. She is Mormon, after all.

      1. begbert2

        Not all Mormons have experience with being the weird minority; in some places they group up enough to actually appear to be a majority mainstream religion, allowing them to grow up without really encountering the idea that they’re the ones on a limb. This is a good environment for growing new baby Mormons, too.

        1. Stevie Windup

          Yeah, but Indiana (or wherever this is–I seem to have forgotten) is not exactly a high-concentration area, so unless she grew up in Utah/Idaho/thereabouts (or one of the randomly scattered areas around the globe with similar concentrations), she’d probably be used to it.

          …speaking as one with such experience.

  11. Xailenrath Omniversal

    Seems ‘foot-in-mouth’ disease is a popular diagnosis among us armchair medical examiners. 🙂

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      I got my Webcomic Medical Degree from inside a box of Weet-Bix. 😀

      1. Michelle J Caboose

        Here in the States, they came in boxes of Lucky Charms.

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          But do the Lucky Charms Medical Degree have the respect and authenticity that Weet-Bix Medical Degrees have?

        2. Dr.Z

          But of course.

          They are magically delicious, after all.

        3. Michelle J Caboose

          ^ +1

  12. MarcinMN

    Haha. I’ve had those “Thank God your interrupted me” moments. Never about religion though. 🙂

  13. Wack'd

    I suggest from here on everybody read each other’s post before posting. I’m willing to bet everyone above me was like “oh cool I bet no one else thought of making a foot in mouth joke.”

    1. mechaqua

      Sometimes there is a delay when people post and they are unable to see everyone’s comments.Since most of the comments came within a 3 minute interval it wouldn’t Surprise me if that’s the case

      Also
      Joyce has her foot in her mouth!
      Joyce has her foot in her mouth!
      Joyce has her foot in her mouth!
      Joyce has her foot in her mouth!
      Joyce has her foot in her mouth!
      Joyce has her foot in her mouth!

      1. Aydr

        I think you mean Joyce has her foot in her FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE

        1. Rachel Roth

          FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!

    2. Plasma Mongoose

      Before I posted, there were no comments at all.

      The few quarter of an hour from 00:01 New York Time is pretty much everyone trying to be the first ones to post.

    3. fellixe

      I knew there was a reason I wanted to make a foot in mouth joke. Thank god you interrupted me. Why, I nearly…

      1. a99steaksauce

        crashed into a mountain of spiralling dispair that would cause the death of my family and friends.

        1. Twentydragon

          … while plucking a violin with both hands and signing legislation into law with my toes.

        2. Mancuso

          I’m trying to figure out how to add “with my penis” to that, but so far this is the only thing I came up with.

  14. Ragnal

    Yeah, she’s going to the insanity ward to let them know about Joyce. =D

    …Too much of a stretch for that joke?

  15. mechaqua

    Well at least Joyce stopped before she could say any thing offensive :->.

  16. Ridureyu

    JOYCE. SHUT UP.

    1. mechaqua

      No no… Joyce keep talking eventually you’ll dig through to other side.

  17. Plasma Mongoose

    Sierra doesn’t approve.

  18. Icalasari

    Joyce used to talk with a foot in her mouth but then she took an interruptiob in the knee?

    …Ok that was crap even for that meme

  19. Leorale

    I like the punchline you went with more than the other one. Joyce is slowly growing some self-awareness!

    1. originalslugboy

      Seconded! The other feels like a backward step.

    2. Jackson

      Self-awareness? I’m sensing a theme here, Reese.

  20. AliaPie

    Well, she’s really trying. I feel kind of proud of her in a way, even though the results are… ah… less than perfect.

    1. mechaqua

      True I mean it could be this

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Gm6JYFdnD8

  21. Locke

    Aww, lookit, she’s trying so hard.

  22. Uniqueantique

    Slowly but surely you’re making progress Joyce. Very slowly…but at least it’s a step foward.

    1. a99steaksauce

      I dunno, she’s making pretty fast progress in my opinion. I mean this is all within about a week from when she learned Dorothy was athiest to now.

  23. fellixe

    My medical license was a scratch-off. I could have ended up an armchair accountant.

  24. 3DSarge

    While I found the alternate punchline hilarious (I adore puns), I think you went with the better choice. The chances of viewers reading it and not picking up on the pun and getting offended were far too high.

  25. Henry

    Poor Joyce. She’s not used to the parts of Indiana that aren’t very Indiana-ish.

    By which I mean parts that are not composed entirely of corn and white, Fundamentalist Christian people.

    1. Whit

      In other words, bits of the IU and Purdue campuses. 🙂

      1. Henry

        IU, Purdue, and UE, from what I can tell. And parts of Indianapolis.

        1. Rex Hondo

          Actually, any of the major cities and big college towns are a bit more cosmopolitain than average (for the state). Also, the “Chicagoland Area” is a bit more diverse.

  26. What?

    So we continue with another episode of “Joyce accidentally offends everybody”

    1. AckAckAck(Now with sugar powered speedster!)

      This can be twisted into a new series!

  27. L

    I kinda liked the second punchline more, seems funnier

    1. CanvasWolfDoll

      i agree. can’t lose with a good pun.

      1. f.p.

        Except that’s not a pun. Puns involve playing on words that sound similar. I’m afraid you’ll have to be pun-ished for your error.

        1. L

          “I believe the WARD is just on 2nd street”
          “I believe the LORD is just on 2nd street”

          There’s your pun. Explained by non-native English speaker no less. Your mom would also explain it to you, for a nickel.

        2. f.p.

          I see it now. I interpreted the joke differently. We believe the Lord is everywhere (even in your weird Mormon place ). The “tolerance FAIL” joke wouldn’t be too far from what we actually got.

  28. Fauxlosopher

    http://i.imgur.com/ZJZOL.gif

    Pic is unrelated, but I propose that Willis will enjoy it anyway.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      It’s true, even Batman enjoys pie!

    2. Crazy Dina

      WHAT?!?!

  29. Plasma Mongoose

    If Joyce should ever meet Richard Dawkins…

  30. McGruff the Crime Dog

    Religious bigotry is ok when there are cute girls involved.

    1. Steven

      This goes without saying.

    2. Jackson

      I’m thinking of starting the Joyce In Panel Two of This Comic Fan Club.

    3. Lasercow

      I also feel like this comic is getting out of its depths with the religion in college shit

  31. Mancuso

    The sheer effort Joyce is putting into it almost makes me not want to choke her just a tiny a little bit. Too many childhood memories I guess, although in my case it was ethnicity and culture, not religion.

  32. Katie

    Wait, there’s a Mormon ward at IU? Or did you just make that up for the joke’s sake?

    1. David

      There is, and it’s where Agatha says it is.

    2. begbert2

      Mormons make it their policy to be *everywhere*.

      1. Jms

        Only where we believe we can make the world a better place:)

    3. Alouncara

      You make it sound like all the Mormons live in in one location and never venture from it xD

      Oddly enough, over half of the Mormon population lives outside of the USA. They are quite literally everywhere.

  33. lordphulish

    If I remember right, isn’t Agatha lesbian? My experience of mormons(mainly Orson Scott Card rants and missionaries on bicycles) is that they don’t look kindly on anything not hetero-normative.

    1. David

      Agatha has always been straight.

    2. Phillip Wilde

      You’re thinking of Daisy.

      1. Brendan

        Or the awkward platonic flirting between her and Dina.

      2. lordphulish

        Ah, my mistake. I guess blondes really do get lumped together in my brain.

  34. Whit

    You chose the better punchline. 🙂

  35. Mel

    Next week, Joyce will pack her Non-denominational gag. Which she knits herself to match her sweater.

    Also a mean part of me wants to see her deal with a theology major. It would be like watching a growling puppy go against a 6 lane freeway.

  36. Jimmy

    Joyce you are trying so hard.

  37. Aidenn

    Anyone else think it’s slightly out of character for Joyce to use the phrase “Thank God” this casually? Perhaps “Thank Goodness” or some other phrase would be used instead

    1. Jackson

      It didn’t strike me as out of character. To me, it seems natural for Joyce to be genuinely grateful to God for every little thing no matter how mundane or trivial.

      1. Chexwarrior

        I think in rare cases there are Christians who take “Do not take the Lord’s name in vain” to such a level that “Thank God” as an interjection is verboten; however I think most people think along the lines of your explanation, seeing it as different from saying “Oh my God”

        Interesting point; traditionally Jews don’t ever say the name of God and will drop the vowels out so they don’t write it in vain either.

        1. f.p.

          There are even rarer cases who understand the commandment to mean “don’t claim to speak for God.” In that case, “God hates fags” and “GOP is God’s party ” break the commandment while “oh my God” doesn’t.

    2. Andy4Hire

      I noticed that, too, Aidenn. She always struck me as the sort of person to whom a “Thank God,” uttered casually and not in the context of an actual prayer of thanks, would violate the commandment against taking the Lord’s name in vain. (As someone who grew up thinking that way myself, I know how effective that filter can be.) Granted, Joyce may indeed be thankful to God, as Jackson suggests, but her use of the phrase here did feel rather out of character.

    3. Alouncara

      I don’t think so.
      Being raised Mormon, it always seemed like a Mormon thing to “not take the Lord’s name in vain” that was shoved down our throats. All my non-mormon friends of other belifs, including other Christians casually say “thank God” or “oh my God”
      I could be wrong though

  38. Brendan

    You know, Joyce’s spiel in the second panel makes me think she’ll be an atheist by the time she leaves college. “Choose to believe”; “withstand scrutiny”; “weird-sounding things.” It seems like the kind of thing that eats at you, until you eventually look back on it and realize with a laugh what so many have before: that even by then you only believed *that* you believed, not *what* you “believed.”

    1. begbert2

      I doubt Joyce will ever be an atheist. Sure, she might abandon both her current specific sect and also most of the overt trappings of religion, but I’d bet that deep down she always believes that there’s *something* out there, that’s a god, and that loves and looks out of her. And that it’s name is God and that it sent Christ and all that.

      That’s the way it went down in the other continuity, anyway. And besides that, all the problems she’s currently demonstrating with her worldview stem from her specific sect’s beliefs and isolationist/adversarial policies toward other philosophies and lifestyles, not theology or even Christianity in general.

      1. Brendan

        We ain’t in the other continuity. In the other continuity, she never said anything remotely like she does here, nor would she ever had. She never there as she does here inadvertently and unwittingly so exposed her “beliefs” for the socializing regurgitated doublespeak they so often are.

        1. David

          The burden of proof for other people’s beliefs is always way higher than for your own. (Burden of proof for one’s own beliefs is often non-existent.) Everyone’s a skeptic when it comes to Other People’s Stuff.

        2. Mkvenner

          A health dose of skepticism a day keeps the men in white away.

  39. LiC

    Ok, so far Joyce has created awkward situations regarding Catholics, Jews, Mormons and Atheists. How many more religions does she still have to offend?

    1. Shade

      Well I’m not going to sit down and count but since apprently we’re dealing in a denomination, by denomination basis….

      Thousands? Hundreds of thousands? Possibly millions?

      1. Kryss LaBryn

        “The dominant Earth belief system.”

        (Babylon 5 was awesome like that.)

    2. Keulan

      Well, she hasn’t encountered any Muslims, Buddhists, or Hindus to offend yet, and those are just a few of the remaining religions left for Joyce to offend.

      1. AckAckAck(Now with sugar powered speedster!)

        You forgot Taoism, Confusius, Zarathustra followers, Olympian gods (Greek version), Olympian gods(Roman version), Maradonaism…..

        1. lordphulish

          Flying spaghetti monster…

        2. Rex Hondo

          Baskin Robbins 31 flavors of Paganism…

  40. Lasercow

    I feel like this comic is getting out of its depths with the religion in college shit

    1. Phillip Wilde

      Not at some colleges. Granted, I went to a religious university, but for some people this is quite a realistic situation.

      1. Alouncara

        I go to a religious university. And live in a religious area in general actually (Northern Utah). And I can tell you that this comic is actually really representative of what I’ve experienced through highschool and into my second year at university.

        There’s a lot of diversity in religions. And while I tend to flock more towards the scientific/secular, the religious culture is really interesting as well.

        If you go to a university in a not very religious area, or you don’t generally interact with people who are very religious then yeah, this comic may look out of its depth. But if you went to a university with a heavy religious population you may think otherwise.

        That’s part of why I find this comic really interesting. I really relate toward it alot.

  41. Culwecth

    Also, the discussion of religion is taking place out of the classroom. Believe me, the topics covered in conversations in college are…diverse. And seugway (how the !#$%@ IS that spelled!?) randomly into unrelated subjects.

    1. Animal

      Segue.

  42. yarrbear

    just found your comic via a qc link. i really like it and think its pretty fun 🙂 gonna put that on my daily “to read list”

    1. David

      Yay, thanks!

  43. Maycroft

    yes, thank god.

  44. Dave!

    Hey, your ‘latest’ link on the first page only comes this far.

  45. sandman840

    Yeah, I’ve felt that awkward too

  46. Pingback: It’s Just a Small Addiction | Tony Graff

  47. Alouncara

    I find this strip super ironic actually xD
    As someone who has grown up in Mormon-ville Utah. A lot of the things Joyce has said throughout the comic remind me of all the religious people here. So I find it funny that she’s so awkward around a Mormon. When in reality she shares a lot in common with them

    And it’s exactly what I’ve seen in reversal. With Mormons interacting with other denominations This awkwardness despite how similar their core beliefs actually are.

  48. dutchguy

    At least the blond girl understood that Joyce while still having trouble with it is also trying to be accepting and not just judge her

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