Cartoons
Posted on May 30, 2012 by David M Willis

123 thoughts on “Cartoons”

  1. Jen Aside

    God is Unicron, amirite?

    1. Aizat

      I thought Unicron is the Devil.

      1. Whaaaat?

        of course it is! if you rearrange the letters in “unicorn” u get gullible, which means devil in cthulu-ism

        1. CommentSpawn

          Whaaaat?

        2. Jetstream

          She’s been indwelt by a great old one. Obviously.

    2. stikibunn

      In some churches G1 Optimus Prime is used to tell children about Jesus. Came to save all mankind, died for our sins, was brought back to life better.

      1. begbert2

        If angels were Autobots and demons were Decepticons religion would be a lot cooler. I mean, just picture: a thirty foot robot clumsily leaning down and trying to faux-whisper through the department store door, “Just take the candy bar! Nobody’ll notice! -Slag, I crushed another shopping cart.”

        1. thomas0comer

          The shoulder angel and devil would be mini-cons that combine to form your cell phone. And imagine the stained-glass window work they could do in churches!

        2. Nathan

          Or, like, Hot Shot telling Mary that she’s virgin-preggers with God’s son, Optimus Prime.

      2. Ziaheart

        I hear they tried to do the same thing with Star Wars with Luke Skywalker being Jesus and Darth Vader being the devil… and then it all went to hell when it was revealed that Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker’s father.

        Of course, if they just looked at the name “Darth Vader” they would have totally seen that it means “dark father” and wouldn’t have made that blunder but… hindsight.

  2. Wack'd

    I don’t think I’ve seen that SpongeBob episode.

    1. Regalli

      Some of the later episodes prove the existence of demons working for Nickelodeon who refuse to let the show die with dignity, does that count?

      1. Aizat

        Hey, it’s almost the same to my theory that there is some Eldritch powers at work that made Spongebob as horrible as possible.

        1. Regalli

          It had some good episodes before the movie, but then it turned into a shambling zombie version of its former self.

          Which is saying something, since I didn’t particularly like the series before. Now it’s just sad. I think the creators have been actively trying to get it canceled since it was renewed after the movie.

    2. Rognik

      You mean a SpongeBob episode that doesn’t subvert the glory of the almighty? Because I know some church groups are mad that he and Patrick are gay. (And just what is wrong with being happy all the time?)

      1. Steven Fisher

        I have an otherwise sane friend who believes Spongebob and Patrick are gay.

        1. Bill M.

          I was over at my nephew’s for Thanksgiving last year, and the movie was playing for his daughters. Based on what I saw, Spongebob and Patrick are prepubescent, if you choose to anthropomorphize them. Besides, sponges are hermaphroditic, but most species reproduce asexually. With starfish… it gets weird. They can be hermaprhoditic, transgender, or can reproduce asexually when there’s an abundance of food around.

        2. TheBenenator

          You clearly haven’t seen the episode with the baby clam.

          Patrick and Spongebob are just as gay as Timone and Pumba are. (More so, if you count the Timone and Pumba cartoon series, which IIRC would paint them as bi.)

  3. Whaaaat?

    a few dozen? someone has an addiction

    1. Bekah

      If a few dozen DVDs is an addiction, I think I need rehab.

      1. Whaaaat?

        i wonder how detoxing would work out in this situation?

        1. Bekah

          If it’s anything like the time I was busted smoking in middle school, you’ll give me your credit card and send me to amazon.ca and force me to buy every movie and TV show I can find until I throw up.

          I’m hoping that’s how it works.

        2. Cholma

          Scott Pilgrim would like to know the URL for amazon dot ca!

        3. Whaaaat?

          so in middle school they gave you a creditcard and forced you to buy *insert whatever u were smoking here* until u threw up?…i need to go back to school

        4. Bekah

          In middle school they made me perform the action I was addicted to until I threw up.

          Bust smoking? Daddy made me smoke a whole carton of cigarettes. I threw up.

        5. Whaaaat?

          ahhh old school parenting, those were the days…

        6. Lieutenant Dan

          So you like donuts, eh? Well, have ALL THE DONUTS IN THE WORLD!!

        7. trevalyan

          I don’t understand it. James Coco went mad in fifteen minutes!

          … I’m probably proof that Joyce’s parents messed up. Yes, I didn’t watch the Simpsons as a child, but as a solution it appears to have been VERY short term. 😀

        8. Kryss LaBryn

          That happened to a friend of mine. Got busted smoking, was forced to smoke a whole pack.

          He had just been giving it a try but didn’t really like it, and was intending to never do it again. Unfortunately, smoking the whole pack didn’t just make him puke, it also got him addicted…

      2. Bill M.

        Bekah, I’m in your boat. Several hundred here. That’s not counting VHS tapes, CDs, audio cassettes, records, video games, board games… dang it, I’m like a straight Ethan from this DOAverse.

    2. Aizat

      Addiction? Buddy, that’s what some fans call dedication.

      1. Kernanator

        I’m not addicted to Pokemon, I can quit any time I want!

        …

        …I just don’t want to.

        1. Ancestral Hamster

          “Kernanator! I choose you! ” 😀

        2. Plasma Mongoose

          How do you snort pokemon?

        3. Rex Hondo

          Maybe he’s an addict in the same way Jacob is an addict.

          *eyebrow waggle*

        4. Bill M.

          How to snort Pokémon:

          Step 1: Get a pokémon.
          Step 2: Crystalize/fossilize your pokémon.
          Step 3: Get your hammer.
          Step 4: I think you can figure it out from here.

        5. Roborat

          Aim the pokeball at your nose, press the release button, inhale.

        6. TheBenenator

          Pokemon Crystal, that’s how.

        7. Regalli

          So THAT’S why Kris never reappeared in the remakes!

        8. Kernanator

          That’s right. After the honor of being the first female Pokemon protagonist, Kris used her fame to buy meth. After 10 years, when Game Freak tried looking her up to appear in the remake, all they could find was a strung-out corpse.

  4. Sensedog

    Poor, deprived Joyce.

    …This can only end in hilarity. Or tragedy. Or both.

    1. Cheredarenee

      In this case the tragedy would be hilarious, but that might be because schadenfreude gets me through the day…

  5. Wonder Wig

    Seeing “Spongebob Squarepants” in quotations makes me feel really old somehow.

  6. Bekah

    Slippery slope Joyce. Next you’ll be upgrading your curse lexicon from “gosh darn it” to “fiddlesticks”. It’s all sacrificing goats to the All Mother at midnight on the solstice from there.

    1. Jathy

      Isn’t “gosh darn it” worse than “fiddlesticks?” Gosh is just two letters from God, after all.

      1. Bekah

        That’s why they call it an “upgrade”

        1. TSED

          That’d be downgrade, the way you worded it.

  7. Aizat

    Well, if I was asked to recommend Spongebob to someone, I would recommend the pre-movie seasons sans a few episodes like “The Paper”.

  8. Blob Marley

    The Simpsons is surprisingly reverent!

    1. Aizat

      I never seen the past 21 seasons since the networks in my country are somewhat total dicks.

      1. Blob Marley

        What country, if I may?

        1. Aizat

          Malaysia. Why?

      2. StClair

        You’re not missing a whole lot.

    2. TeslaSunburn

      It really is. Remember the episode where Homer quits church and God sets his house on fire to make him come back?

    3. Shade

      Though they’ve lost some religious favour by representing gays as slightly campy but otherwise normal.

      Funny story though, a catholic minister once said Homers was the perfect example of a Catholic, ignoring the fact he’s Protestant-esque, sure.

  9. Kernanator

    I’d tell Ethan to stop enabling Joyce’s crush, but this is going to end up far too funny for me to want to miss.

    1. Jackson

      Painfully funny.

  10. wooskie

    i wonder what franchises this Ethan is really into. i doubt he has quite the same Transformers fixation, since he’s not part of that generation anymore.

    1. kyojikasshu

      He did have that recolored Beast Wars Optimus Primal, so he’s definitely got some awareness of the brand.

      And don’t underestimate young people’s ability to get into older franchises. My nephews were already well-versed in G1 and Beast Wars by the time the first live-action movie came out, and the oldest wasn’t even 10 yet.

    2. ryan

      i’m guessing he still likes batman in any incarnation.

  11. Brasca1

    I can understand banning the Simpsons, but seriously Spongebob Squarepants? What’s sacrilegious about that? This reminds me of an old Simpsons episode where the Flanders kids were forbidden to watch Davey and Goliath because talking dogs are considered blasphemous.

    1. Random Guy

      As opposed to talking ponies?

      1. Rex Hondo

        Talking dogs are just blasphemous. Talking ponies, on the other hand, are BLASPHEMAWESOME.

    2. LiC

      I seem to recall some religious conservative groups were anti-Spongebob some years back, because they believed he promoted homosexuality for some weird reason.

      1. Brasca1

        I remember Falwell attacking the Teletubbies about that, but religious fundamentalists tend to find something “evil” in everything so there’s probably some lesser known yahoo who claimed that.

      2. Shade

        Yeah the whole thing really blew up when the movie came out. Then again, how many movies have a fight scene on David Hasselhoff’s back?

        Not enough, that’s for sure.

    3. Jackson

      My mom’s religious, but she opposes Spongebob on basically secular grounds: claims it contributes to ADD, and also that Spongebob is super-annoying.

      1. Kernanator

        See, now that’s reasonable.

    4. lokitsu

      According to one of the creators, the cast of SS are supposed to represent the seven deadly sins. Patrick is sloth, Squidward is wrath, etc. The part that creeps me out is Spongebob is supposedly LUST.

      1. DarkVeghetta

        O_o
        I need to re-watch some episodes with this new information in mind.

  12. kyojikasshu

    I think Joyce would totally freak out over the mere suggestion that the Earth might be formed around the inanimate body of an entity known as “the Chaos-Bringer”, known for destroying/consuming entire worlds…

    … but maybe this Ethan doesn’t have the Prime season 1 set?

    1. Rex Hondo

      I doubt she’d even make it that far. Optimus claims that the Autobots have been fighting the Decepticons for millions of years, which is impossible and obviously a blasphemous lie, since the Earth and cosmos are only a few thousand years old.

  13. MarcinMN

    Joyce is going to love the Lisa Simpson in the mid to late seasons. =P

  14. Kschenke

    Futurama, as most of you know, has one of the better religion episodes where a sentient star system being that might be God explains God.

    1. ShifterComic

      And then they did the best episode on evolution ever.

      1. kschenke

        Yes, I really enjoyed that episode, mostly because their ending conclusion is essentially how I feel about the subject. I like when that happens.

    2. Raen

      Futurama, where most of the writers have a strong science background, has a less than hidden atheistic bent overall, that one all but apologetic episode aside. It’s not as in-your-face as South Park (let alone Family Guy’s string of bricks to the head), but it’s much, much too blatant for Joyce.

      1. kschenke

        Futurama, where agnostic and atheist writers can poke fun at religion without shredding all religious people or the concept of a thoughtful God apart. Which is why I like the show so much and still believe in God.

        And most things are too blatant for Joyce at this point, but episodes like “Godfellas” could certainly open her point of view.

  15. John Madden

    Quit lying, Ethan.

  16. Yoda123

    And if you really wanna get freaked out by the anti-toy religious:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=8jGJxSky1fo

    1. Mel

      Man, that should have ended with him at LEAST getting a better toy.

      Poor, messed up kid.

      1. Groove

        What the hell. People are mental.

        How is this wholesome and good?!? It’s basically a cartoon about how little Billy became psychologically scarred. The sheer degree of shame on display here is incredible, and that they expect parents will want to do this to their kids fairly beggars belief.

        Mike grav’s overwhelming disapointment with humanity is finally appropriate.

    2. historyman68

      Fuck, is that what happened to Joyce? All the sympathy in the world for her.

    3. Rex Hondo

      As a parent with the goal of raising his children with the tools they need to choose their own spiritual paths, I felt physically ill watching that. Reading the accompanying article made me fearful on behalf of a whole generation of kids growing up JW.

    4. John Merklinghaus

      Man, it’s a good thing that kid doesn’t know that friendship is magic.

      1. Shade

        Jehova would be so sad because of that show. Poor Jehova, must suck to get upset so easily.

    5. Regalli

      … Um.

      I’m gonna need to go watch something happy now.

      And is it just me, or does the mother sound kind of dead inside or something?

    6. vlademir1

      Oh sweet gods…. just the look on the mother’s face. I died a little watching what little I did of that.

      @Regalli: Yes, she does.

    7. begbert2

      Is that…serious? Please tell me that was made ironically. PLEASE tell me that was made ironically.

      Please?

      1. Rex Hondo

        Wish I could tell you that. Oh God how I wish I could.

    8. TARDIS With A Hat

      This is the saddest thing ever, what the actual flying fuck is wrong with these people?

  17. ShifterComic

    Joyce, ” ‘Neon Genesis Evangelion.’ Oh, is this like Bibleman?”

    Ethan, “…let me just put that back up on the shelf.”

    1. DarkVeghetta

      GREAT IDEA! I’d love to see her reaction to it. I’d predict delicious flavors.

  18. GenericScreenName101

    So… What kind of nonmainstream cartoons was Joyce watching then? Because all the nonmainstream cartoons that joyce might have watched involved dinosaurs, aliens, creepy crawlers, killer tomatoes, alternate dimensions. Must of been some foreign cartoons… And street sharks.

    1. Krashthemystro

      This:
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eF2vKAvXE3A
      I actually really enjoyed this show as a kid, watched it with my Maw Maw. But I wasn’t forbiden to watch other cartoons,like say Earth Worm Jim or Freekazoid.

      1. ShawnTheGirl

        Oh man, I used to love that show!

        I wasn’t allowed to listen to secular music, but cartoons were fair game. By the time I was a senior in high school my parents didn’t care if I watched South Park.

        1. Krashthemystro

          Haha I grew up a cartoon fiend, and listened to Ted Nugent, The Stones, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Led Zep… and soforth… my dad was in a band so I had an rock and roll up bringing.

    2. Mel

      Maybe Veggie Tales?

      .. hey, I LIKED Veggie Tales…

      1. Rex Hondo

        Maybe it was just the one episode I saw, but the moral in Veggie Tales seemed to pretty much boil down to “because the Bible says so,” a bit much for my taste.

        1. LauraS

          It was more of “Be a good person because the Bible says so,” with the emphasis on the “be a good person” part, from what I remember. And the songs were awesome.

    3. ryan

      there’s always “superbook” and “the flying house”.

    4. vlademir1

      If she’s like some of the kids I knew growing up whose parents trended this way, likely a lot of PBS kids programing as well as some of the other stuff mentioned.
      Mind you TV was often limited to an hour to an hour and a half per day for those kids, and the rest of the time they had to find stuff to do that didn’t bother the adults around them: ie. “play quietly” typically inside the house or at furthest in their own yard or, once they got old enough, do homework.
      They were typically the families with at least one parent that worked from home, worked evenings or was purely stay at home as well.

  19. AJBulldis

    I’m pretty sure Batman: The Animated Series is a safe bet.

    1. historyman68

      It’s at least pretty consistently morality tales – though there’s a lot of emphasis on the morality of not pissing off unstable scientists.

      1. Raiser

        Or Batman.

  20. Maycroft

    Don’t watch the Simpsons Joyce!

    1. Sir Robin

      She can watch, but only until Ethan cuts her off before the show goes to shit

  21. LiC

    I’ve been thinking the kind of shows Ethan would have watched when he was growing up in this universe, and I kinda wonder if he is Anti-Power Rangers here too? I mean, in this continuity he was born around the time the first series came out, so basically he grew up with the power ranger franchise.

    1. David

      He definitely digs Power Rangers.

  22. Kawphany

    Out of all the kinds of people in the world, people like Joyce & her parents creep me out the most.

  23. TARDIS With A Hat

    I think it’s probably better not to start Joyce on MLP:FiM right away – the whole Sun and Moon goddess will freak her out.

    is Dumbing!Ethan a brony? I know Dumbing!Danny is, and I know he likes it in Shortpacked!, but what about that universe?

  24. Shadlyn Wolfe

    Hooray for Ethan! If you and the world aren’t on the same wavelength, waiting for the world to change isn’t gonna help. Either accept it…or update *your* database!

  25. Cybersnark

    Forget Simpsons, I wanna see Joyce watch God, the Devil, and Bob.

    1. Gundi

      Meh, from what I saw of the show it wasn’t particularly controversial. God was basically a cool old guy, although the stress of his job sometimes got to him; while the devil was a vain, self-important jerk.

  26. sun tzu

    I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
    A friendship that will probably be wrecked by one-sided PSL, and by Ethan foolishly playing along, but still.

  27. whoa a person

    “Subvert the authority of the Lord God…” wow. I didn’t think she could do it, but Joyce is now managing to make me hate her more every single strip she is in.

    A statement like that only comes from a pretty messed up individual. It’s like instead of just going to church and being christian, she was actually kidnapped by the church and has gone all “stockholm syndrome” for God. You know, like a cult member.

    “No one can speak out against our leader…” the zombies all mumbled as drool hung from their chins.

    How she is going to be an actual friend to Dorothy is beyond me. God do I hate Joyce. I used to like her in “It’s Walky,” but in DOA, she is just insufferable. And she gets the most screen time to boot. If she was more of a side character, fine. But she is a key player in 3/4 of the story lines, and all she ends up doing is making people feel crappy about who they are. I really can’t believe a comic can make me this mad. She needs to get another memory wipe.

    We need more Ruth.

    1. vlademir1

      It’s hard to really hate Joyce for me; pity her sure but not hate. If she’d been like this in the main Walkyverse sure one could hate her, but here, where it’s obviously a product of her upbringing, she’s just the typical outcome of a homelife like that of the Guptys’ depicted in the Daria episode Pinch Sitter.

    2. Natalie

      You do realize that “just going to church and being Christian” means acknowledging and living a life subject to the authority of the Lord God? “Christian” is a relational category (like father or wife or BFF) and not just a set of actions denoting a certain quality of perceived goodness.

      I suppose this is the place where I could accuse you of being brain washed if you don’t occasionally pick up a book of Spurgeon’s sermons, but that’s another discussion 🙂

    3. ShawnTheGirl

      Everybody has issues. These are Joyce’s. Rather than get mad, enjoy the ride of watching her change. Joyce from It’s Walky changed too. Willis actually develops his characters- they all evolve.

      Personally I look forward to it because I went through some similar stuff. Also, while she is in a lot of the stories, she isn’t always the main character- she’s a side note in the Dorothy/Walky thing, and has no involvement in Amazi-girl/Danny.

      Give it time.

  28. Pickle

    So which ones DO subvert the authority of God?

    1. Pickle

      Quotation marks were meant to go in there…

    2. Jenny Creed

      Can anything really subvert the authority of God for you, before you’re ready to question it for yourself?

  29. Mikehatesyou

    I don’t care who your parents are or what is your religion. Everyone can watch the ‘Bob.

    Cause you don’t think spongebob and patrick are gay because you are christian – you think they are gay cause you are a freaking moron and can’t realize this shit is just a kid’s cartoon.

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