365

Holed up
Posted on August 1, 2016 by David M Willis

365 thoughts on “Holed up”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    Mike’s gonna hatefuck them both in their sleep isn’t he

    1. nobodybasically

      Am I the only one hoping so, just for all the partial nudity? 😀

      1. Doctor_Who

        Who knows, there might be a Slipshine, so you may not have to settle for partial.

        1. Joe

          If he sleeps with them both, that’s TWO slipshines. But I also don’t want him to fuck this up. I feel conflicted.

        2. Dark

          Or one very interesting Slipshine.

        3. sarpiedon

          unless Mike starts a threesome.

      2. nobodybasically

        Just wanted to clarify I was very tired when I made this comment and didn’t fully grasp the whole “in their sleep” portion of this comment that makes it too unsavory.

    2. Aletheia

      ಠ_ಠ No.

      1. Solenoid

        Oh hey, that’s the face that Mike’s making right now! The very face!

        1. Solenoid

          In seriousness, what the fuck, Ana?

        2. Ana Chronistic

          riiiiight I forget there are non-Walkyverse folks here

          hence the Carla face at the moment, tho

        3. RuckBogers

          It’s his signature move.
          …
          Also sacrificing pets and kicking children.

      2. RandomRedMage

        Dadface…. havn’t seen that in a while.

    3. Wheelpath

      Would that cuz the same issues as in shortpacked? Like I want Mike to start some junk, but I don’t think that works as well here.

      1. Doctor_Who

        SP Mike was basically a chaotic force of nature, and reality itself kneeled before his powers of trolling.

        DoA Mike needs to be a little more subtle in his assholery, since he is (presumably) a mere mortal.

    4. LimeSheep

      i mean i would hope its not in their sleep that would be pretty bad

    5. timemonkey

      That would be rape.

    6. Saki

      I thought this comment section was better than rape jokes. -sigh-

      1. Dana

        And Ana.

        1. Some1

          Jen would never have done that!

        2. buttonmarkederase

          she just did. frankly, i’m kind of disgusted.

        3. Some1

          that’s the joke…

      2. Ana Chronistic

        is it a joke to realize something in disgust? (with expectations of “jinxing” it so it doesn’t happen?)

        fwiw I thought it in the same tone as “Toedad’s gonna ship Becky off to a conversion camp and marry her at gunpoint to some asshole like Ryan isn’t he” (see also current Gravatar)

        1. modulusshift

          I mean, it’s just a reference to this comic, right? Or this one, and the next one? [SPOILERS for Shortpacked!] (but seriously, the arc this moment spawned *made* the comic for me. you should start from the beginning, though.)

        2. buttonmarkederase

          it sure seems like a joke when it’s something that is highly doubtful would happen in Dumbiverse.

          also what does your Gravatar even have to do with this

        3. Betty Anne

          Carla’s pretty much gotten a free pass from the comments section for saying/doing anything off-color, except annoying Mary by rollerskating in the hall, and that was only objected to by people who actually expect dorms to be quiet. :/

        4. Shiro

          Are you kidding me right now

        5. Saki

          Oh, sorry, I misread your tone. And I’d completely forgotten about that part of Shortpacked!. Probably my brain blocked it out. Anyways, I’m just so used to people casually dropping these sorts of horrible jokes, it doesn’t surprise me to read them anymore. Sorry I jumped the gun, I should have known you’re better than this.

      3. stormbeta

        It was worded badly, but I just assumed it was a reference to events in the Walkyverse – which were *not* rape, although “hatefuck” might be accurate, at least from Mike’s perspective.

      4. podian

        Extremely poorly worded, but it was not a rape joke – it was a reference to one of the most Mike moments of Shortpacked!

        1. podian

          At least I think so

    7. ANeM

      I think he has just recognized how awful it would be if Danny and Ethan banged, and.. now he will make it happen.

      1. Godfather

        YES MIKE

        THEY MUST BANG

        FACILITATE THIS

        1. Godfather

          Avatar is quite appropriate XD

        2. RandomRedMage

          No… actually I think its innapropriate, Amber would probably go catatonic, if her gay exboyfriend, and her current ex boyfriend were to become a thing so soon after she broke up with him…. I think she would go catatonic.

        3. merbrat

          It would tear her apart. Cringing in mortification and self-hatred, but wanting to write the fan-fic about them.

        4. Varorson

          She’s already writing fan-fic… who says it isn’t about them?

          Then she’ll come to see her fan-fic become true, and believes she has true super powers.

    8. Plasma Mongoose

      Willis sure loves slipping in these shine-baits.

    9. Needfuldoer

      He’d probably just move one into the other’s bed and let the confusion snowball from there.

    10. Her.

      …. in other words rape them… i hope willis deletes this comment bc fuuuuuck you

    11. Doc Harleen

      I mean I think I get what you were trying for tone-wise, but it’s really easy to lose tone in text form, so this is just a pile of NOPE. Nope nope nope.

    12. WeirderThanWeird

      I don’t understand the hate your comment is getting. It’s not like you phrased it in anyway that sounded happy or like you were wishing for it. It read to me as a resigned comment on what his facial expression meant with a dash of SP reference. Unless we’re now pretending it’s inappropriate to call out someone on rapey behavior?

      But maybe others are right and it is phrased poorly. The anger at you still makes no sense. Conceptualizing our thoughts is hard and everyone’s misspoken before. Anger generally just makes someone defensive and less likely to listen to criticism.

      1. Brotato

        ^this. Like, the sheer vitriol is astounding.

        1. Charlie

          Sheer vitriol of slight disappointment and sighing?

        2. Fart Captor

          Its an understandably sensitive topic, especially with how there’s a major problem with real-world rape and sexual assault not being taken seriously. And there are people who frequent the site who have personal experience with this.

          The anger so far has been fairly restrained, in my opinion. No one is demanding Ana’s head on a platter, they’re just expressing the extent to which they are not okay with the comment.

          On a side note, telling people who are upset that their anger doesn’t make sense and they should be less angry is not going to go over well, especially in this context. I don’t think that’s what you really meant, but I would advise trading lightly there.

        3. Random832

          So… as long as you’re angry, no-one’s allowed to call you out on being wrong about the thing you’re angry at?

        4. Betty Anne

          Yep, pretty much. See: All of Tumblr.

          There’s a reason Donald Trump is a nominee for President right now.

        5. Fart Captor

          Being wrong? Absolutely.

          But telling people they’re wrong to have gotten angry in the first place is a shitty thing to do, even if there has been a misunderstanding. But since I don’t think anyone has (intentionally) done that, maybe I shouldn’t have even brought it up.

      2. Shiro

        The part that pushed it over to “rape joke” for me is “in their sleep.” Because, y’know, fucking someone in their sleep (absent some prearrangement and whatnot) actually is rape. There was no reason to add that part to what otherwise would have been a totally reasonable joke.

        Which is what made it annoying to me, because it added a gross element that was totally uncalled-for in context.

        1. Aletheia

          Same. :/ I get the nod to the Walkyverse, but it wasn’t in their sleep there. They might’ve been inebriated (actually, I think they were?), but both Amber and Ethan were willing, consenting participants (Mike even makes a comment that it was Amber’s idea, at least part of it :/ ). That couldn’t happen if the people he was hatefucking were sleeping during it, because they could neither consent or participate.

          So. Yeah. The “in their sleep” dumped a perfectly good joke right into rape joke territory there. :/

    13. Falling Star

      Yep.

  2. Doctor_Who

    This is Mike right now.

    1. Taigan

      ” I have work to do here.”

    2. Disloyal Subject

      Hm. At first glance I assumed that was Skitter, not Waspinator.
      Strange, that an adolescent human female can be so much scarier than a multistory-tall metallic extraterrastrial.

      1. Decepticon357

        Actually Waspinator is a Predacon so he’s only a little bit taller then a human in size!

      2. Zach

        Her mask wouldn’t be so frilly, and Waspinator wouldn’t know how to break you as a person… or have clairvoyance for 1000 feet.

        Best book I’ve read in a long time. I miss bongo! Needs her own book.

        1. John

          Can’t use bongo’s proper supranym here. You’ll have to call her “Other Other Rachel”.

          (‘Cause fuck “Hellhound”.)

    3. inqntrol

      I first thought ofthis.

      1. Disloyal Subject

        I was thinking Gendo, honestly.

        1. lejwocky

          Get in the goddamn Robot*, Shinji**

      2. Jay Eff

        Mr Burns, huh? Nah, Mike couldn’t pull that off.

        For one thing, he’d have to smile…

        1. tim gueguen

          And regularly forget the name of a central character in the story he’s had dealings with multiple times.

      3. Roborat

        Yup, that was my first thought on the last panel as well. Mr. Burns “Excellent” face.

    4. Orion Fury

      It’s the first thing that came to mind as well.

  3. Edhead

    BAH GAWD THAT’S MIKE’S MUSIC

    1. Doctor_Who

      No, this is.

      1. Rukduk

        I’m now picturing Mike with Denis Leary’s voice. It works waaaayyyy to well.

        1. Edhead

          I actually imagine Mike with a somewhat ratty but at the same time tough voice.

        2. Mo

          So Denis Leary.

      2. TheAnonymousGuy

        doctor, we have to stop mike! it he’s planning what I think he’s planning than this could send amber even further down the preverbal rabbit hole.

        1. Viktoria

          Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you get help. Unfortunately, I think this will turn Amber into an asteroid.

        2. miados

          astroid girl?

        3. Betty Anne

          At least asteroids are obvious enough that people actually attempt to intervene before they destroy themselves and everyone else. 😐

  4. miados

    oooooh mike…… yeah do it.

  5. NinjaNick

    Get a room, you two. 😛

  6. Mr. Mendo

    Mike is gonna sex them up SO CRAZY!

  7. AnvilPro

    I’ll be disappointed if it turns out this whole thing WASN’T an elaborate Mike plan. That’s first step was getting Joyce to enroll in this college.

    1. Tribbly

      Thank you. My new headcannon is that Mike has been working behind the scenes for years to turn half the DoA characters into ticking timebombs that were liable to explode in their first semester of college. Mike gave Sal the knife she used in the robbery. Mike spent years as a pen pal of Becky’s subtly working to help her fall for Joyce but not realize that she’s fat. Mike told Jason that he looks cool in a bow tie. Mike made the Amazi-Gir costume. Mike is behind it all.

      1. Tribbly

        *lesbian? I didn’t realize the word gay is changed in the comments section now

        1. Tribbly

          Nevermind. Not sure why gay was turned to fat. Please ignore my screwup

        2. Yumi

          I can’t; it makes the sentences wonderfully confusing.

        3. audkitten6

          “Mike spent years as a pen pal of Becky’s subtly working to help her fall for Joyce but not realize that she’s fat.”

          That just makes me think that even Mike has standards. Like he’s going: yeah, you’ll fall in love with your best friend in the worst way, but you will NEVER EVER HATE YOUR BODY BECAUSE YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL

        4. Random832

          Well, the letters “ft” are one letter to the left of “gy” on the keyboard, you probably just misplaced one of your hands.

        5. Betty Anne

          Oh, good. ^^; I was starting to sweat there, for a second. I was all, “Wait, what? First someone’s calling Billie fat the other day, and now Joyce is fat? DAMN I’m in blue whale territory, then. :O”

      2. AnvilPro

        Turns out Mike talked Walky’s Mom into putting him in the TV show instead of Sal

        1. Dean

          Mike persuaded Hank and Carol to keep trying until they got a girl.

        2. Needfuldoer

          Mike convinced the network executives to put Ultra Car in the same time slot as Dexter and Monkey Master, dooming it to fail from the beginning.

        3. Bard1cKnowledge

          Mike made sure Robyn (robin? haven’t seen her in a while) ran for congress, making her stand be mostly focused on family values, thus turning Roz into a crazed sexpot, but a safe crazed sexpot, just to spite her sister

    2. Orion Fury

      He knew we needed Drama™, So using Alien tech he went to another plane of existance, set up a bunch of stuff to fall like dominos, and switched places with his self in this continuity to make sure it all goes off without a hitch.

  8. Opus the Poet

    Mike smells denial.

    1. inqntrol

      And a new opportunity.

  9. Mom

    I miss Mike’s asshole powers

    1. Raza

      … uhg I’m totally too tired to do anything with this. Anyone?

      1. JoyceParty

        Not tonight, I have a headache.

      2. Sadie

        For the low, low cost of a Slipshine subscription, anyone can see !Amber take advantage of !Mike’s asshole powers anytime they want.

    2. Mom

      *eyeroll*

    3. smylietron

      Mike’s asshole powers have become redundant in the age of Carla, Defiant Asshole Empress

    4. Darkoneko

      For you to do that with the nick “Mom”, of all nicks…

      •cough•

  10. March

    Uh-oh. Mike looks like he’s thinking. Nothing good can come of this.

    1. detective boomwolf

      I feel like thats the equivilant of an evil smile from Mike.

    2. Raen

      A dangerous habit.

  11. Achallenger

    mike cast shadow, its super omnibus

    1. Shade

      I really hope not. Just ONE of Mike’s plans is vicious enough. ALL of them? No mother will be safe, and I don’t think there’s enough nickels in the world.

      1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

        Wikipedia says there 60,650,554,240 US nickels have been manufactured, so actually there are, unless over 95% have been lost or destroyed.

        1. Betty Anne

          +1 X 60,650,554,240

    2. caesaria82

      Mike’s shadow is a large mass transportation vehicle?

      1. SgtWadeyWilson

        No, obviously it’s a volume containing several novels or other items previously published separately.

        1. Achallenger

          well my typo sure got thrown under the *gets hit by truck*

    3. Carms

      OMNIBUS

    4. Deanatay

      UltraCar’s great nemesis, OmniBus!

      1. Betty Anne

        Would that make her nemesis an Ominous OmniBus?

        1. Orion Fury

          Someone will ship it.

  12. kkiten

    A threesome hatefuck Slipshine between the three of them in Amber’s room would be interesting. tbh, probably something Mike would do.

    1. caesaria82

      And it’s something I would watch.

      1. Betty Anne

        TBH, I’m a shitty person. That’s probably something I would dip into my emergency savings account to get a Slipshine subscription for. :O

  13. LimeSheep

    danny/mike/ethan slipshine incoming

    1. LimeSheep

      remember however many pages ago when he asked if he should fuck danny
      thats now back on the table

      1. Hyzenthleia

        He’s going to fuck Danny on a table?

        1. LimeSheep

          yes absolutely

        2. Disloyal Subject

          No, not “a” table.
          ALL the tables.

          Some breaking and entering may be involved.

        3. Robin

          Specifically: breaking tables and entering… *dun dun DUN* THE FLOOR ZONE!

  14. m-m

    Never thought I’d agree with Mike. I should probably go play the lottery.

  15. Solenoid

    That is the look of a man who hates happiness.

    1. Tomas

      You’re a cruel man,
      Mister Grinch!

  16. Shade

    …

    This either going to be really great, or really awful.

    Either way, I’m interested.

    1. Nemirthel

      Mike’s involved, so I’m going with “really awful.”

    2. a4lbi

      Greatly awful.

      1. SgtWadeyWilson

        Awfully great.

        1. Orion Fury

          Awful Awful?

        2. Roborat

          Greatly great?

  17. JessWitt

    Slipshine threesome?

  18. MM

    That’s a lot less gleeful than I expect from a Mike plan. :/

    1. Reltzik

      Mike doesn’t really DO glee.

      …. though I imagine him as having an alto voice, an unexplored knack for breakdance choreography, and the ability to exacerbate high-school drama/sitcom hijinks.

      … okay, so I’m not imagining the last one.

  19. Yumi

    This is probably the wrong reaction to have (especially when it’s a a ship I actually like), but I love Mike so much.

    1. JessWitt

      Indeed. I have mixed conflicting feelings too but anything to advance this ship.

  20. DoggySpew

    Dun dun DUUUUUN! *evil laughter in the distance, and a thundercrack*

  21. Umbrella Paint

    MIKE
    MIKE NO
    MIKE STOP
    MIKE PLEASE
    MIKE DO NOT SINK THIS SHIP

    1. LimeSheep

      amber already sunk it. mike is going to restore what was stolen from us

      1. Umbrella Paint

        … I no longer know how to feel about this.

      2. Sambo

        YES PLEASE

    2. Reltzik

      What ship? The ship’s already dead. He’d have to salvage it first.

      ….

      And oh my, love, Mike minds it /
      Remember what he said /
      He can’t help but put Ethan with Danny /
      To make them bed /
      And oh my, love, Mike minds it /
      To kill it gives him strength /
      He’s not done it much /
      He’s losing his touch /
      He must build this ship to wreck

      1. Chris Phoenix

        She went down last October in a pouring driving rain
        The Ethan, he’d been thinking, and the Dan he felt the pain
        Too close to Amber Rock, and she was dealt her mortal blow
        And the Danny-Ethan Slipshine settled low…

      2. Brotato

        A+ song ref

        1. Bicycle Bill

          Ditto.  I get the reference too.
          Folk music lost a treasure when he passed.

    3. Viktoria

      Nah. Danny and Ethan already said they wouldn’t. For chaos, first Mike has to get them to change their minds. So you’ll be really happy until everything goes wrong.

    4. Fart Captor

      Okay.

      So, how small would you say the pieces of wreckage would have to be before it no longer counts as “sinking”?

    5. Plasma Mongoose

      Is that a torpedo in your pants or are you just happy to sink me?

      1. Deanatay

        What have you done?? I’m now imagining WWII submarine porn.

        I need a moment…

        1. Bicycle Bill

          Is this the wrong place to make a remark about how a submarine is just a hard, rigid cylinder filled with seamen?

        2. Bard1cKnowledge

          phrasing!

  22. caesaria82

    This is so cute d’awwwwww. And Mike is just…. being Mike. You’re not harshing my cute mellow tonight, Mike. Nice try. But nahhhh.

  23. Disloyal Subject

    Figures that as soon as I give up on refreshing the page at 9:05 and go check Frivolesque, the comic updates.

  24. Sionyx

    Danny, Danny, Danny. You do not know Mike NEARLY well enough to talk about this in front of him. Ethan has the possibility of Friend mitigating Asshole, but with you involved…

    1. Peny

      Does Danny even know Mike?

      1. Saki

        Barely. They share 6 strips, including this one.

        1. JessWitt

          I like that you keep track of this.

        2. Saki

          I… I don’t. I just searched their names in the tags. It took me less than 30 seconds. I’m sorry. I have failed your expectations. I must now sacrifice myself to R’hllor to atone for my shame.

        3. JessWitt

          Hey, don’t sweat it. I’m thinking of tallying up appearances someday when I get the books.

        4. Jason

          Don’t bother. That’s what the tags are for!

        5. JessWitt

          Oh I mean, per book. Or maybe not, that’s going too far.

      2. Dana

        I have a feeling he will, one way or another.

        1. Peny

          He might even get to know him…quite…thoroughly…

        2. Robin

          Biblically, one might say 😉

  25. Mr. Random

    Mike’s got some catching up to do.

  26. Saki

    Oh dear gods I don’t know where this is going but I have a feeling I’m going to love it. 😀

  27. Saaaam

    Just bone, amber be damned

  28. Peny

    THREESOME!

  29. Rukduk

    Mike: “Yes. I sense opportunity here.”

  30. a4lbi

    Mike, praying angrily: “let it be meeeeeee”

    Hey, I can dream.

  31. sun tzu

    So, I assume Mike is planning to reveal Danny and Ethan’s mutual attraction to Amber while she’s down, or something equally assholish?

    1. Saki

      No, that would be too obvious! I’m sure he’s got something much more calculated and slow burning in mind.

      1. Disloyal Subject

        Still on the obvious end of the spectrum, but he could upload images of them as fanart for her fics.

        1. timemonkey

          He could get them together and then when Amber starts to throw her tantrum point out she has no right to complain since she tossed Danny aside like garbage and therefore has no say in who either of them dates.

        2. Spencer

          Yeah, fuck you for breaking up with your boyfriend when you’re having a mental breakdown, Amber.

          Mike should do one better and get Sal involved so they can all Eiffel Tower on Amber’s bed.

        3. timemonkey

          Amber didn’t break up with her boyfriend, Amazi-Girl did. And right now Amazi-Girl has too much power over their lives.

        4. Spencer

          So why does Amber need to feel like shit for an action she didn’t take? Because you’re right; it was her alter who broke up with “her” boyfriend.

        5. GuillaumeHJ

          Nobody said Amber had to feel like shit about it.

          It’s her right to break up with whoever she wants. It’s not her right to blame or attack them for who they chose to date after that.

        6. Disloyal Subject

          You seem to be assuming we think Amber deserves the cruelty we expect from Mike.

        7. Spencer

          I think Amber is allowed to be kind of annoyed if her best friend decided to schlupt her ex literally the day after they broke up.

          Or was Joe not being a total dick when he told Danny he’d try to fuck Dorothy a minute after they broke up?

        8. Andy

          No. His photography skills are going to come into play.

        9. Fart Captor

          It could all be just an elaborate misdirect: Mike is just making that face because he was completely crop-dusting in panels 3-4, and in the last panel he’s just waiting for it to ruin Danny and Ethan’s little moment because they’ll be able to taste it.

    2. Rukduk

      Mike: “Hey Amber, both your ex-boyfriends like each other.”
      Amber: “WHAAATT?!?!?”
      Mike: “Also I had a threesome with them.”
      Amber: (look of pure shock) “WTF?!?!?”
      Mike: “For a NICKEL.”
      Amber: … (In complete shock)
      Mike: “That’s what you missed out on because of your alter ego. Yes I know you’re AmziGirl, don’t ask how. The important thing is, you could have been involved tooooo.”

      1. Teddae

        I would have accepted this as canon

    3. Reltzik

      Equally? I’m guessing more.

    4. Time Heist

      I doubt it? Like, Mike may be a ass, but the fact that he sincerely came to check on Amber suggests he’s not 100% a butt.

    5. Usayasha

      He could sleep with both of them, separately of both at once, and make sure amber knows about it.

      I can actually see him inviting both to his room, at the same time, without telling each other. Then record their voices in the resulting threesome. Then turn that recording into a hot mixtape to give to Amber.

      “My mixtape is so fire, Amber is probably dead by now.” – Mike, to both Ethan and Danny, convincing them to barge into her room and confront her directly rather than keep everything under wraps and avoid confrontation.

  32. AgentKeen

    Mike doesn’t smile, he just zeroes in on his prey.

  33. Carms

    What losers destroy them with your cruel love mike

  34. Jay Eff

    No, no, Mike– Gendo Ikari puts his hands in front of his face, not his chest.

  35. linkman0596

    I love that mike looks a little angry in the last panel, like he’s thinking “this could be good, but if I don’t play it juuuuuust right I might accidentally make them happy”

    1. Indiana Bones

      I dunno if that’s an angry face, I think that might just be the closest we’ll ever get to seeing him smile while sober

  36. Kernanator

    Mike: “It is I, here to ruin everything.”

  37. Plume

    Is that Mike’s “plotting” face?

  38. Reflex76

    “Eeexcellent!”

  39. JessWitt

    Well I had to ask where Mike’s been in the past few chapters…

  40. Tenchan

    Threesome!!!

  41. Xailenrath

    AWWWWWWW
    (At first I thought Danny & Ethan were holding hands. Still, AAWWWWWW!)

    1. J. A. J.

      Me too! And two can play at this adorbs game:

      D’AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!

  42. Teddae

    “Time to sleep with someone”

    1. Reltzik

      “WITHOUT being paid a nickel.”

      1. Neeks

        Nah, he just takes a nickel from their respective wallets/hacks into their bank accounts and takes $0.05.

  43. Wendy

    Ahhh, yes. That’s the face of Cupid.

  44. TrueVCU

    Mike is a like a cat: the moment he sees something shiny and perfect, he is compelled to bring about its destruction

    1. JessWitt

      Accurate si-mew-le.

    2. SgtWadeyWilson

      I think cats just have a different idea about shiny and perfect. My one cat found a very young opossum, showed it the catfood, and kept looking at me like: “Can I keep it?” “It already has all the proper sharp bits, see?” “Plus, we already have the right food!”

      1. Neeks

        “this strange cat is my small son.”

      2. TrueVCU

        Your cat looks at you and it’s got those Steven Universe star eyes

  45. Dana

    Mike seems pissed about this opportunity. Like he’s not in the mood to put out the effort, or maybe he doesn’t like shooting fish in a barrel.

    1. Saki

      Maybe he was put in a bad mood by Carla’s shenanigans. Like, damn, how did he not think of something like this.
      And yes Mike would absolutely have heard of this despite it happening in the girls’ dorm, because Mike knows -everything- that happens on campus, -especially- when it involves revenge schemes and upsetting people.

  46. Some1

    And now for the 15th DOA Tournament Battle!

    MARY BRADFORD vs. JOYCE BROWN.

    Joyce and Mary both step up onto the ring. Mary cracks her knuckles and lets her wrist bands drop to the floor. They crash suddenly. Joyce does the same thing with her WWJD wristbands, and rubs her wrists.

    Joyce: I won’t allow you to win.

    Mary: It’s adorable you think you have a chance.

    Joyce runs at Mary, who leaps into the air and kicks downward. Joyce manages to leap out of the way and throws a pair of crosses. Mary blocks and lands on her feet.

    Mary: I hope you realize I’m not using my full power yet.

    Joyce: That’s good…neither am I!

    Mary powers up slightly and attacks Joyce again, Mary’s attacks quicken and she seems to have the upper hand. Joyce powers up as well and their attacks even out.

    Mary grabs Joyce’s fingers and they stay locked in a power struggle.

    Mary: We seem to be about equal…light and dark, good and evil, two sides to a coin!

    Joyce: Which one are you?

    Mary grabs Joyce’s wrists

    Mary: I guess that depends on your….

    Mary swings Joyce across the stage.

    Mary: perspective!

    Joyce slides to a halt and rushes back at Mary.

    Mary blocks her attack, and they slide together across the stage.

    Mary: I’m fighting at 50% right about now, how about you.

    Joyce: 50% as well.

    Mary: Enough holding back, I want to see your true power!

    Joyce: Fine then, 100% each.

    Mary: First things first, I hate the idea of our fight be confined to some tiny ring.

    Mary raises her hand and builds a massive amount of energy in it.

    Sarah: What is she…OH SHIT!

    Walky: RUN!

    Everyone leaps out of the way, as Mary releases a massive amount of energy, destroying the stage. Joyce managed to leap into the air, just before the explosion hit, and lands in the rubble.

    Joyce: Are you insane!?

    Mary: Perhaps.

    Mary begins to power up, Joyce starts doing the same thing. Their bodies seem to glow with energy, Joyce’s being blue and Mary’s being a blood red.

    Mary: Now then…

    Mary runs at Joyce so fast no one else can see her move, save for Joyce herself. They collide and throw a rapid series of attacks at each other. They eventually both leap into the air and continue fighting.

    Joyce grabs Mary and tosses her to the ground, before aiming a flying kick downwards. Mary manages to dodge, and Joyce attack slams into the ground causing a small crater.

    Mary roundhouse kicks Joyce in the face and sends her flying. Joyce slams through a tree, grabs half of the tree and flies back to Mary before slamming her into the ground with said tree.

    Mary sends an energy beam through the tree, destroying it.

    Mary: ENOUGH!

    Mary slams into the ground and forms her hands.

    Mary: ULTIMATE CREATION OF EVE!

    Joyce quickly forms her hands as well.

    Joyce: ULTIMATE CREATION OF ADAM!

    Their beams meet in midair, the wind seeming to bend around them, as they both attempt to strengthen their attack.

    Mary: I hope your realize that there is none!

    Joyce: I’ll never believe that!

    Mary: Tell me Joyce Brown, why do you fight!?

    Joyce: Why do you?

    Mary: SHUT UP!

    Mary’s attack strengthens exponentially and is about to overtake Joyce’s.

    Joyce: It’s too much…I can’t…

    Becky: Joyce!

    Joyce: Becky?

    Dorothy: Do it!

    Sarah: Fight!

    Amber: For Danny!

    Joyce: I understand now…

    Joyce’s attack increases and begins to overpower Mary.

    That’s the main difference between the two of us Mary; you believe that companions will only slow you down…WHILE I FIND STRENGTH IN THEM!

    Joyce’s attack overtakes Mary.

    Mary: Heh, you are stronger.

    Mary walks up to Joyce and drops a card at her feet.

    Mary: I’ve lost this fight, I can see that much.

    Joyce: Don’t think you’ll get away.

    Mary: Sorry Joyce, you fought well, but stopping me completely just wasn’t in the playbook.

    A jet plane shows up and lets down a ladder. Mary grabs it and salutes.

    Mary: See ya around, Joyce Brown!

    Joyce tries to fire off an energy beam, before discovering she can barely move. Sarah catches her, and Walky picks up the card and reads it to himself.

    Walky: Joyce, this card…it’s for someone who can supposedly to resurrections for the right price.

    Joyce: Yeah?

    Walky: It’s addressed to La Porte!

    Next time: Ask me anything!

    Also CONTEST!

    Because of the lack of tournament the series will have going on (still lots and lots of fighting though!) I need a more appropriate name for these. Whoever can give me a title I like best, will be able to request any one on one fight they want!
    (contest is valid today and tomorrow)

    1. Umbrella Paint

      Hmm…
      Dumbing Saga
      Quest of Age
      Warriors of La Porte
      Adventures in Indiana

    2. Jason

      Wait shouldn’t you have run out of characters by now? Is this not a single-elimination tournament?

    3. scrollin on

      stahhhhhp
      please

      1. SgtWadeyWilson

        Now here’s a title rife with snark: “Some1 Please Stop This!”

        It fits the tone of the story, and the tone of half the readers. It uses the writer’s username to make a conmon phrase into a play on words. Plus it’s sarcastic, so bonus points.

    4. SgtWadeyWilson

      Kampus Kombat?
      Punching of Age?
      Dumbquest: the Wrath of Faz?
      Dumbing of Rampage?
      Wait, I can do better…

      Umm…

      DOA: Battleverse “Becky runs by kicking at robots.”

      Okay, maybe not so much.

      1. Deanatay

        You realize, you’re only encouraging them?

        1. SgtWadeyWilson

          That’s the plan.

    5. Falling Star

      Age of Warfare.
      (i’ve got nothing)

  47. Mel

    Not to take away from Mike’s beautiful expression or a cute ship I generally support, but as much as I want Ethan and Danny to be happy, can someone who has been involved in a chaotic relationship please take a break? Please? Especially with both Ethan and Danny having their relationship with Amber, and all her personal things, in the background? Even Becky and Dina have some stuff percolation under the surface of their honeymoon phase. Can someone take a breather, organize some of their drama, and wait for a little bit to jump into another romantic relationship, even if they will eventually have a beautiful romance from this down the line? The heart want what the heart wants and all that, no doubt I’m a terrible stick in the mud, but that’s just my wishful thinking- some calm for SOMEONE before more emotional upheavals. Especially given Mike’s face.

    1. Fart Captor

      These two are probably effed. Amber’s not in a great place right now and they were probably right about how she’d react to this. Mike has far too much information that I do not like that he has.

      But there’s no way Willis will crush Dina immediately upon Becky’s return. Maybe he’ll toy with us for a while before we have to see how devastatingly sad Dina crying is?

      Walky and Dorothy are doing relatively ok? For now? If they’re done fighting? No, Walky will probably refuse to open up at all about how upset he his about Billie.

      Marcie and Malaya could somehow end up becoming a happy, functional couple? The kind that has Malaya in it somehow? :/

      So I guess that leaves Sarah and Other Jacob. Assuming she doesn’t start seeing regular Jacob’s face superimposed on Other Jacob’s head, due to guilt over wanting to break up Jacob and Raidah.

      1. Spencer

        I really don’t think Amber’s going to take this that badly, at least not after she starts to make some progress.

        Ethan is someone she dearly loves and she knows Danny is a good guy. She’s probably going to be sad that she won’t be with Danny anymore, because she pushed him away while she was going through a breakdown, but she’s 18. There will be other Dannies and Ethans. Acting poorly while you’re undergoing a mental health crisis doesn’t mean you’re doomed to loneliness.

        As for Marcie/Malaya, I’m wondering if we’re in for another “I guess I’m not into girls” moment when Marcie makes her move. I could see her pursuing the relationship entirely just to spite Sal, though (also I ship Marcie/Sayid because they both have skateboards. That’s how that works right?).

        1. thejeff

          Oh sure, “at least not after she starts to make some progress”.

          That’s the trouble. Earlier I expected her to easily step aside, after all Amber doesn’t deserve any happiness. Now? “Sal’s already turned Danny against me and now she’s using him to take Ethan away too!”

        2. Spencer

          I mean, I kind of figure Danny and Ethan will actually happen after they deal with the Sal stuff. I can’t exactly see them going out while Amber’s undergoing a mental breakdown.

        3. Mel

          It’s not that Ethan and Danny don’t deserve happiness, or that Amber won’t, hopefully, eventually be stable enough to deal with 2 people she cares for being happy. But it’s not JUST Amber. Danny’s been through a lot, and he’s already got a bit of a pattern for going from one relationship to another without really getting time to sort his stuff. Danny’s dynamic with Amber got messy real fast, he’s still uncertain about his role in that, and he’s still coming to grips with being bi- it’s a lot of turmoil and vulnerability to deal with. And Ethan’s being a great friend about that (I cannot stress how great Ethan is), so of course Danny is going to latch onto that comfort, but it doesn’t mean that Danny is objectively ready for another relationship, and once you throw in a romantic element to that, it’s gonna be harder for Ethan to just be a supportive friend and not have Danny’s doubts and old relationship stuff come up as an element of Ethan/Danny’s relationship.

          Don’t get me wrong, I know: a) there’s rarely “perfect time for a relationship” , and these characters are young, b) Ethan’s lovely and he, or Danny, would never intentionally hurt one another or Amber, and c) it’s a comic, of course it will have drama. So, like I said, it’s more wishful thinking. But with Ruth/Billee, Becky/Dina still feeling out being out and together with the “former feelings for Joyce” elephant in the room and Becky’s family stuff, the potential fallout for Walky given what’s happening with Ruth/Billee, and Danny/Ethan/Amber’s “stuff”, that’s a lot of the main pairs going through huge emotional waves one after the other, a lot of them centered around their romantic lives. It’d be nice to see one of the main cast sit down, get a moment to deal with themselves without explicitly going into a new relationship. Which makes me feel bad for even potentially implying thatEthan and Danny don’t deserve happiness NOW, when I mean “Ethan and Danny deserve ALL THE HAPPY, but, maybe they need to sort some things out before that’s accompanied by lingering baggage, to make sure the happiness can last without more explosive drama.”

        4. thejeff

          There’s also a problem of time compression here. If Danny and Ethan waited just a couple of weeks for things to settle down, that’s likely a couple of years of real time for the potential relationship to hang in limbo. It would need to keep being teased to keep it in the readers’ minds, but not actually go anywhere.
          Frustrating.

        5. Spencer

          Well they’ll probably happen between a year or two, which would maybe be a week at this rate.

          Like, yeah, there’s hard dates to when stuff happens, but it doesn’t really count as, like, *actual* time.

    2. Emily

      Honestly if we have ANOTHER sad queer lady hoedown I’ll probably just stop reading this comic. I get enough of that exhausting garbage from real life and also all media ever.

      1. Fart Captor

        ”Sad Queer Lady Hoedown” would be an excellent band name

  48. adam

    He’s making the “now Kiss” sign , isnt he?

  49. Icalasari

    I assume that Mike is planning on doing something that humiliates them completely but also gets them together, doing it in such a way that they can’t even complain because they’d seem ungrateful, thus giving them endless frustration

    1. Teddae

      That will be beautifully diabolical

      1. PSadlon

        And just something he would do.

  50. OptimusPride

    Pictured in last panel, from left to right: Danny, sexual tension, Mike, Mike’s evil hatefuck plans, Ethan.

    1. SgtWadeyWilson

      So you’re saying there’s sexual tension between Danny and Mike?

    2. Orion Fury

      I missed that in the tags.

  51. Reltzik

    Panel 5, missing thought balloon.

    *Montgomery Burns voice* “Exxxxcellent.”

  52. Fart Captor

    Meanwhile, the quiet hum in the background is growing steadily louder as Dina’s fidgeting grows ever more impatient…

    1. Ryan

      She’s reaching critical Bekcy-mass! RUNNNNN!

  53. Flame_warp

    Is Mike uncomfortable or plotting?

    1. Henry

      I think that’s as close as we’ve seen Mike to upset or uncomfortable in DoA.

    2. Saki

      BOTH.

    3. Fart Captor

      He’s tenting his fingers. It’s gotta be plotting.

  54. Romanticide

    I think Mike already decided what he could do for some mayhem.

  55. winter

    I’ve been waiting years for this.

  56. Rikunda

    And then in 2017 they finally get together after lots of failed first dates caused by the other on purpose.

    1. Neeks

      So in a few days, comic-time.

  57. The Wotch

    I’m just going to assume that Danny, Ethan, and Amber will end up in a poly-amorous relationship.

  58. OnyxIdol

    Mike: “You two are cute together. And it disgusts me.”

    1. OnyxIdol

      Okay, I changed my mind. What he is really thinking is: “I have my work cut out for me.”

  59. Bleuryder

    Ok, so to recap….

    We have a suicidal woman holed up an alcoholic.
    While the homeless lesbian is on her way back to find out she’s homeless again alongside a justifiably angry faith broken Christian.
    We have another meltdown in progress by the name of Amber/Amazi-girl who just needs one tiny thing to finish breaking her, such as the woman she blames for all of it living next door.
    And said meltdown in progress’ ex boyfriends on the verge of hooking up under the evil gaze of the town’s resident bullshit caller.

    SURELY NOTHING WRONG CAN COME OF THIS!

    1. Needfuldoer

      Add in the goofy kid who never had to study a day in his life hitting the academic wall his valedictorian girlfriend easily cleared, and you’ve pretty much got the current situation in a shellnut.

      1. Orion Fury

        If there’s any more pain the wing would probably fold in on itself.

  60. WingedBeast

    This, right here, is the moment when the both of them turn and punch Mike in the face. It won’t do any good, but he still deserves it.

    1. Emperor Norton II

      This is now officially Imperial Headcanon, and thou shall receive a commendation for making Our life better.

      (In other words, I agree.)

  61. Jason

    Mike has come to “rescue” the Ethan/Danny ship. Be careful what you wish for, shippers.

    1. Spencer

      I can’t help but feel that whatever Mike makes them do is going to make them plant their feet even harder on “never” dating, while also making them realize that they are more interested in dating than they care to admit.

  62. Bea

    am I the only one who sees Mike’s face and is like “this gunna be goooooooooddddd”?

    1. Bea

      actually my first thought was “oh crap” but my SECOND thought was “I cannot wait to see what comes out of this”

  63. Time Heist

    I thought Danny and Ethan were holding hands, before I realised it was Mike rubbing his in glee…

    1. OnyxIdol

      Holy crap, I didn’t catch that until I read your comment. But in retrospect, it probably *is* to early for them to hold hands. I guess I saw what I wanted to see…

    2. Bicycle Bill

      The shading and color tone is wrong for it to be Danny and Ethan; also if they were touching hands (Ethan’s left hand and Danny’s right hand) the thumb would be visible.

      I don’t think Mike is necessary rubbing his hands in glee, though, as that’s hardly a gleeful look on his face.  It’s more a look of “Hmmm, now what do we have here, and how can I subvert it?”

  64. suite

    Mike.

  65. Reltzik

    Tonight, Grav Roulette has given me Dorothy.

    I’ve said this elsewhere, but never as part of a Grav Roulette Review. (Is that what I’m calling it? I guess that’s what I’m calling it.)) Dorothy’s dreams of a future in high politics are… unrealistic. She has high ideals but is too honest and too idealistic to make it happen. She’s not pragmatic, cold-blooded, or soulless enough. (I exaggerate the job requirements. Slightly.) She lacks the pragmatism to make hard and necessary compromises. She’s so in love with her own ideals and motives, that she doesn’t know how to spin what she wants out of others in terms of why they want to give it to her. Her perspective isn’t flexible enough for that. Maybe that’s a skill she’ll pick up in upcoming college terms or in her early political career, but it’s not presently an arc for her.

    I try to be very much a pragmatist. I’m not necessarily prone to compromise, but I try to be tactical, focusing not on the obvious flashpoint of conflict but the underlying issues that create it. I’m too much of an overanalyzer to go for a standup head-to-head fight when I can instead identify a small thermal exhaust port. Why attack the enemy when I can attack their logistics? Why fight them when I can decoy them? That’s the sort of way I think, and it’s not the way Dorothy thinks at all.

    That’s not me bad-mouthing her. I appreciate her clear-eyed, direct, honest idealism. I feel it myself, even if I don’t indulge in it often. Carla called her Hillary Junior, but she’s more of an Obama than a Hillary. We’re very different, and I don’t really identify with her.

    1. CJ

      So basicly you are saying that she doesn’t realize how wielding power works?
      This may be the whole dilemma about electable politicians in a nutshell: when they know how power works, they will do things that go against their moral principals because from a power (and maybe long-term) perspective this is the expedient thing to do and they lose their moral compass after some time. Or they do not understand power power and don’t know how to head off their antagonists or keep them busy with stuff that doesn’t matter, so they never manage to get enough people behind them to get elected. Or they understand power and tell themselves that everything they do to achieve power is right.
      As a rule, people in positions of power who only follow their principles are hell for all who have a different perspective on things.

      1. Reltzik

        She might realize how it works, but she doesn’t display any of the skills. It might be something that she hates and rejects, telling herself that she’ll somehow do okay without them, or it might be something that she kinda knows has to be done but she walls that knowledge off from her dreams.

        But… I think she’s a bit ignorant of the facts, yes. She seems to think that hard work and hard study and good grades and knowing her shit and being a genius are necessary steps to being President… but anyone taking a halfway honest look at recent history could easily see that’s not the case. Maybe she thinks instead that they’re necessary for being a GOOD President, and there’s a bit more of a case to be made for that. But schmoozing, making connections, making deals, helping others and collecting markers, holding leadership positions in organizations, and rallying people to causes are far more important skillsets for becoming President in the first place, and she doesn’t seem to be putting any emphasis on that.

        I don’t think that high politics requires abandoning your high principles and goals. Well, SOME high principles and goals, maybe, if you held them in the first place. You can’t be a wartime President if you’re not willing to give orders that will get people killed, for example. But most of them, you can keep them.

        The problem is that successfully advancing them requires you to be able to think outside of their box. You have to be able to get into the mindset of others who do not share your goals, and perhaps who oppose their goals. You have to be able to understand their point of view so well that you work out what makes it tick, and then you have to find a way to get them to support your policies. That’s basic wheeling and dealing — understanding and communicating the concepts of here’s how I can scratch your back, here’s how scratching my back helps you out. Dorothy shows little sign of doing that, or even thinking like that, but that’s the basis of how deals and consensus are built in high politics. (And oooh boy, international politics doubly so.) It’s an essential skillset that she doesn’t have and isn’t trying to build. You can’t get elected if you can’t signal a willingness, readiness, and ability to give people what they want, and that requires being good at understanding what they want and fusing it to your own goals. Dorothy doesn’t have that skillset and isn’t trying to grow it.

    2. Rukduk

      Honestly, given your recent analyzations and talk of decoys and logistics attacks, I’m beginning to wonder if we should give you a Sun Tzu gravatar.

      1. Reltzik

        That would defeat the purpose. In embracing the Grav Roulette, I remain formless. If I am formless, even the deepest spy cannot discern me, nor the wise make plans against me.

        1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

          Sounds like a Star Trek enemy. The answer is to attack you with chaos.

        2. Reltzik

          Sun Tzu was saying that a flexible, adaptable, mutable, mobile, unpredictable force is very difficult to read or counter, and the more like this a general could make his army, the better. Such a force is actually much more resilient against chaotic events than a rigidly structured force. Its weakest point would probably be its means of coordination and communication, but having identifiable and target-able means of coordination and communication the first place would be an example of having a discernible form.

        3. Reltzik

          … and yes, I was quoting (well, closely paraphrasing) Sun Tzu to explain why adopting a Sun Tzu Grav would not be in keeping with the Art of War. I am a cheeky bastard.

        4. Rutee

          Yeah, successful armies are notorious for not actually having well-organized means of coordination and communication. The development of C3 is merely a very in-depth ruse.

        5. Rutee

          (Also, Sun Tzu probably didn’t write it, since it first came up hundreds of years after his death, and it was common practice in the era to claim a Noted Dead Chinese Man had said something to give it gravitas)

  66. JetstreamGW

    Ethan you dumb son of a bongo you should know better than to have this conversation in the same building as Mike.

    1. SgtWadeyWilson

      Correction: in the same universe

      1. Reltzik

        There’s a Mike in every universe.

      2. PSadlon

        Hell I’d be wary of doing it in the same multiverse.

        1. Falling Star

          The same dimension.

  67. S P A C I N G

    Mike needs to feature in more of these even if he doesn’t say anything him being there just cracks me up

  68. Phil Dog

    Mike: There. I’m locking you in this room until you have sex with each other. I’m tired of this bullshit. Either you start fucking or you’ll suff-

    Danny & Ethan: Okay, we’re finished.

    1. Fart Captor

      Mike: Okay, then you’re still locked in here until you do it again properly.

  69. But, Like...

    I think I’m the only one that doesn’t see them together as anything romantic. Like, at all.

    1. Kole

      they… have the most chemistry out of anyone in this entire comic. Are you serious?

      1. Nono

        They work well together, but personally I don’t really see them as a couple, maybe because they already work well as friends. They’re obviously infatuated with each other and have some things in common, so they can do a relationship. Not sure how well it works out for them long term, since they’re both pretty passive about things.

      2. Eukie

        I’m not sure I’d say they have the most chemistry; they’re nice and charming to each other, but they don’t seem to complement each other in the same way many of the other, established couples do.

  70. JessWitt

    Patreon bonus strip: either Chloe or Asma.

  71. John

    Jesus fuck, guys, fuck or don’t, I don’t care, just quit mooning at each other. It’s sickening. You totally deserve whatever Mike’s about to do to you.

  72. newllend(henryvolt)

    You know what’s odd ? I’ve read plenty of webcomics and when I started I read them blind not knowing anything about them and there stories a lot times I end up seeing two characters getting into a gay relationship. The problem is nearly all the time it’s just a girl on girl couple and I don’t see a lot of guy on guy which is sort of odd.

    Off the top my head I can think of only one other webcomic that I read consistently that has a male couple , sure I know plenty of webcomics with plenty of gay characters but not a lot of gay couples that last. Then there’s these two, I don’t support this just Like every other pairing and ship I don’t support that involves Ethen mostly because they’re all supported by bad moral choices.

    “I’m going date this one girl and lead her on even though I’m not romantically interested in her in the slightest because I don’t people to label me as gay, but then again her brother is kind of cute-Oh wait I know I’ll just come on to him behind her back ! I’m sure there’s nothing wrong with that, oh no that relationship didn’t work out and wasn’t gay after all just trans. Oh well I’m still going pretend to be straight even though I’m flip flopping back and forth out of the closet but the problem is I kind of really like my ex-girlfriends current lover and I already broke her heart once and now I might do it again. Oh my life is so hard…”

    Fuck you Ethan.

    1. Ashley

      It’s college. It’s like THE time to make bad moral choices, tbh.

      But, hey, I guess people who make bad moral choices are now to be considered evil. Who knew?

      1. newllend(henryvolt)

        Evil no, an asshole maybe.

        1. newllend(henryvolt)

          People are allowed to make mistakes and that includes Ethen but then again he gives very little reason to like himself consider the zero amount of good things he’s done to out way all the other shit.

        2. newllend(henryvolt)

          *Gives me reason

    2. Torra

      To be fair, the relationship with Joyce was always a sham and they both knew that when going into it. Being gay isn’t all fun and sunshine and coming out is hard, and Ethan is right with the whole “when you come out you’re no longer just Ethan but Gay Ethan” and that’s a label that can be difficult to live with on a day to day basis. I feel like you are being really wayyy too harsh on Ethan’s choices, especially when we can see in-comic that Ethan is there for his friends and is pretty much a good guy in general, but because he’s made a couple of mistakes because he’s afraid of society treating him differently for coming out and because he’s still finding it difficult TO come out, that doesn’t make him an asshole? It just makes him human.

      Also Ethan and Danny literally had a talk about how they could never be together because of how it would affect Amber, but yet he’s still a dick for liking Danny? Come on, be fair.

      1. Spencer

        Yeah, Danny practically made himself the perfect target for Ethan crushing on him. He told him how super hot he thought he was, they can “never” happen, and here Danny is trying to do something sweet for him.

        The heart wants what the heart wants, after all.

      2. ischemgeek

        Plus the fact that Ethan has not yet realized that “nice” and “good” are not synonyms when one is referring to a person’s character. He thinks that the best way to be a good friend is to bend over backwards to be nice to Amber – thus, he winds up enabling her a lot of the time, and at this point Amber and Amazigirl need someone to sit down with them and tell them that they need help, every bit as much as Ruth needs someone to sit down with her and have that tough conversation.

        But Ethan is too worried about being a nice friend to be a good friend at this point.

        At least Danny tried to get them help. Though it probably would’ve been better for him not to try while Amazigirl was in full-rage mode because of Sal, but there was no way for Danny to know that. At least he tried.

        … I don’t think Ethan is even going to try until Amazigirl really hurts someone innocent or until he sees her nearly get killed, and by then it might be too late.

        1. Spencer

          Yeah, a huge part of Ethan’s relationship with Amber is that he passively stands there and just watches her do shit, and then when she comes back to normal he’s just smiles and hugs. He even told Danny that the best course of action with Amber is to let her have her episodes, wait for her to calm down, and then be there for her, rather than try to get her help for those episodes.

          Ethan means well and he is completely out of his depth, it’s not his fault that he doesn’t know how to deal with his childhood friend’s DID, but he’s someone Amber would actually listen to.

  73. BenRG

    Poor Mike! I can almost read what’s going on in his head: “Oh, god… Yet more denial/UST in this building!”

  74. Ashley

    Part of my brain wants to believe Mike has a crush on Ethan.

    1. Rukduk

      Headcanon accepted.

    2. MorningDuck

      Between “Maybe I should sleep with Amber’s ex” and today’s comic, I think you might be right.

    3. BenRG

      Purely FWIW, I got the impression that Mike’s Walkyverse counterpart was pansexual although he leant towards hetro relationships.

      1. Ashley

        Yeah, I’ve always considered Mike pansexual (or maybe one of those “I don’t like labels” people). Wether he’s heteroromantic or aromantic is where I’m still not sure.

  75. Lordess of Madness

    Either Mike is going to play match-maker, match breaker, or match pain-in-the-butt!

    1. Gespenst

      I feel like he’d only play match-maker to hurt Amber.

  76. Chris Phoenix

    Uh-oh, does this mean Mike has to sleep with both of them now?

  77. Nena

    Uh oh! That look on Mike’s face is trouble!

  78. Eldritch Gentleman

    Dear gods they are totally going gay steady with each other… which would be hella sweet if not for Amber…

  79. Chonos

    The hell with Amber, I need my gayo.

    1. Spencer

      In all honesty, I’m really glad that Danny still cares about Amber after their breakup.

      The usual script for this is that the queer dude immediately leaps onto a guy because he’s finally free of his evil harpy girlfriend, that’s basically the sum total of my reading experience when it comes to queer dudes, so I’m really happy that DoA is acknowledging that, like, a bi dude can actually love a woman and care about her.

      1. ischemgeek

        This.

        Alternatively, she’s not an evil harpy but is his Childhood Friend who he’s using to keep up the straight facade, and once he gets free, she’s outlived her usefulness and is left behind from the story without a second thought.

        1. Spencer

          Don’t forget “I’m not actually bi, that’s just something I told myself because it was easier than admitting I was 100% totes gay.”

          Oy.

      2. Eukie

        Danny jumping Ethan’s bones mere days after Amber/Amazi-Girl (henceforth: “Amber”) broke up with him would easily fall into the common stereotype of portraying bisexual people as sluts. I’m glad that Danny hasn’t yet done this.

        And there’s room for a story about a man in a relationship with a woman discovering he’s bisexual and then remaining with the woman, because discovering you love more than one kind of people doesn’t stop you from continuing to love someone you love.

        And, well, I like Danny/Amber. They get on well, Amber is a nice, smart girl who needs someone dependable, faithful, and relaxing. Danny is an overall decent guy, if oblivious, who wholly appreciates Amber and wants the best for her, with enough spine to stand up for both his own sake and Amber’s. They’re basically made for each other.

        1. Spencer

          Yeah, I was really hoping that Danny was going to figure out he was bi and stay with Amber, because that’s something I’ve never seen.

          Which is to say that basically any story Willis could write about Danny could be valid, because there’s like zero bi dude repping to begin with, and we’ve already avoided the worst of bi tropes by having Danny take control of his sexuality for his own sake on his own time. So y’know, that makes me really happy.

          That, and DoA’s run time is “theoretically forever” so chances are they weren’t going to stay together for the length of the series anyway.

  80. Azukar

    I… actually did a for-reals spit take when I saw that last panel. I reckon that’s the first in the whole of my life XD

  81. Keulan

    Now Mike has something new to plot about.

  82. Willoughby Chase

    Mike looks like an evil priest.

  83. Hwajaemae

    YES. MIKE. DO THE THING. WE NEED YOU SO BADLY

  84. Quietlythundering

    In which Mike sees an opportunity

  85. Darkoneko

    Mike “why the fuck are you looking to find Ethan someone, *I*’m right here !

  86. Emily

    Oh go die in a hole Mike.

  87. Torra

    While everyone seems to be saying “yes Mike fuck either/both of these guys because lol Mike” I feel like he’s more likely to use this moment against Amber at the worst possible time

  88. LWS

    Louie, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

  89. Rowen Morland

    And then Mike goes back to his room with his planning smile and the panel changes to Amber’s door, then back to him looking in the mirror with that smile then back to her door and then back to him with his normal angry frown and he never ends up doing anything with this one.

  90. Bleuryder

    Everyone is all saying these two are going to Slipshine but to be honest they’re too cute for it.

    Let me rephrase that. These two are not raunchy enough for Slipshine. They’re the type that would probably “make love” and not fuck.

    Although…..i might have to rethink that if that buttplug really was Danny’s…

    1. Darastrix

      I’m pretty sure a Slipshine comic can involve sweet, tender lovemaking. And sex involving toys can still be slow and gentle.

      I picture an eventual Danny/Ethan Slipshine as being very cute and awkward with a lot of checking in and shy smiles and lip-biting. Of course, I may be totally off-base and if such a Slipshine comes to pass, it will be something else entirely, but UNTIL THAT DAY, this is what I will imagine.

  91. Leila

    Oh, Mike. I’m looking forward to some good, old-fashioned puppy-smashing assholishness.

  92. exilon1

    I’m not sure if that’s Mike’s ‘I will make this happen’ face or the ‘I need to destroy this mushy happy cloud they’re in’.
    Maybe it’s both.

  93. altalemur

    me too, mike. me too.

  94. Chaucer59

    Like should lean in and without facing either of them, say, “Look, dumbass, he obviously wants you, too. So, kiss, suck, fuck—whatever you people do to each other—just get to it and spare the rest of us this bizarre courting ritual.”

  95. Mlle Blackfox

    Willis, you need to do something about your fans. They’re generally a harmlessly ignorant and short-sighted lot, but the hate mob going after Ana is the pinnacle of shit-posting on here.

    Pretty much never coming back to read the comics because I don’t want to be associated with these people.

    May you always have enough.

    1. Emily

      That was the least hateful hatemob I’ve ever seen. It was more like a moderate disapproval mob.

    2. Emperor Norton II

      OK, so first of all:

      One poster, ONE POSTER, that tells Ana “fuck you” is not a hatemob. It really isn’t. Now, there were other posters who expressed disapproval with the comment, and if I am honest, I can see where they are coming from. Heck, even Ana (although under the nick “nobodybasically”) made a comment saying they realised that the part “in their sleep” made it a big fat “Not OK”. Another poster stated clearly that they think they know what was meant to be conveyed (SP reference and all), but how the lack of tone in text (and also lack of link to the reference) made intentions unclear.

      Two, not reading the comic because you do not want to be associated with other commenters? O-K… That is pretty damn weird, to say the least. I mean, we keep getting comments on how John and Carol’s intense prejudices is nothing to get upset about, and so on. I could hardly claim that reading the comic makes me associated with the defenders of Carol’s bigotry, can I?

      And man are there diverse opinions about Amber, about Danny, and so on. It’s almost as if this comment field actually sports a pretty diverse range of humans. If you want not to be associated with such a blend of weird and peculiar people that wanders around here, your best hope is to declare yourself an outer space alien…

      …Although technically speaking, to an outer space alien, -we- are the outer space alien. Plus, I’m pretty sure earth is in space. So yeah, there’s not much hope for you. You’ll be associated with us for eternity! MOWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

      1. Yumi

        I agree with most of this, but, uh, “nobodybasically” is a different poster than Ana.

        1. Emperor Norton II

          Ooops! You are indeed correct. I do not have anything to blame. I did not pay enough attention to notice their previous comment.

    3. Shiro

      I’ve not seen a flounce like this since my livejournal days, well done.

    4. David M Willis

      Man, if you have to leave a comic because people let another poster know in a mostly gently fashion that they weren’t cool with the way sexual assault was referenced, then dang, I’d say that whole thread was worth it. Thank you, everyone. You’re a feature, not a bug.

    5. a4lbi

      LOL AI’IGHT

  96. Reed

    Oh I’m sorry do I have Dina’s face from the previous strip? Sorry kneejerk reaction.

  97. Kater

    Ethan should probably know better than to be visibly cute with someone in front of Mike.

  98. podian

    Remember the “metaphorical kick in the crotch”? That’s what’s coming sometime soon.

  99. Falling Star

    I can’t wait to see how this pans out.
    Which means I will probably end up waiting.

  100. Micki

    Because of the angle on the last panel, for a second I thought that Mike’s hands were actually Danny and Ethan’s hands holding each other. haha <3

  101. Theluxland

    Mike, creator of drama since is birth

  102. Tenchan

    You’re a mean one, Mike Warner…

  103. smylietron

    Kiss.
    KIIIISSSSSS.

    I’m praying that Mike’s got an elaborate plan to force these two to drop their bullshit and get together. It’d be nice to have a stable male/male couple in this strip, especially between a gay man and a bi man, and their “it wouldn’t be fair to AMBER” thing is infuriating. Her problems are her own; she treated Danny like crap; Danny and Ethan could potentially have the healthiest relationship on the most equal terms in this entire strip.

    MAKE IT HAPPEN, MIKE.

    1. QWERTY

      Mike gonna do… in a completely dickish way

    2. Spencer

      yeah why would Amber’s best friend and her ex-boyfriend care about being fair to her while she’s going through a mental breakdown

      1. smylietron

        I think “being fair to her” is the wrong way to think of it. There’s nothing “unfair” about dating your friend’s ex, especially when you dropped that ex like a hot potato, and it bothered me deeply that both guys prematurely raked themselves over the coals regarding the very idea of a relationship.

        Part of the problem I have with all this is, as I mentioned below, I’m a bi dude who wants to see more dude-on-dude representation in this strip. Externalizing their reason for not getting together onto a mentally troubled friend bothers me. It puts Amber in the inconvenience role, the obstacle role, and that’s making me think of her the wrong way.

        1. Spencer

          I should clarify that I’m also bi, and I agree with a lot of what you’re saying here and below.

          Like, you know how you’re talking about how important M/M representation is to you? That’s what Danny/Amber was to me, because I’m used to hearing about my attraction to women is something that I need to get over if I want to be a real queer, so seeing a bi dude figure all this confusing shit and be very much in love with his girlfriend? I really, really liked that and it bummed me out to see them end.

          Which isn’t to say that either relationship is inherently more worthwhile than the other, I’m just coming at this with different wants in mind. I want to see a bi character in an opposite gender relationship, and also I want to see a good M/M couple, and also I want to see lots of things and David Willis, try as he might, can’t achieve them all because he’s one dude writing one comic.

          But, yeah, I feel your frustration at wanting to see M/M repping, and while I’m bummed about the end of Danny/Amber, I’m confident that Danny/Ethan will be good too.

          FWIW, Danny and Ethan are going to get together at some point, they’re just trying to be considerate of Amber’s feelings. It’s generally considered not cool to date your best friend’s ex, especially right after they’ve broken up, and Amber is someone the both of them deeply care about. In all honesty, I could easily see her be the catalyst for pushing them to act on their feelings after she gets her head on straight, because she wants them to be happy. And it is kinda funny to me that people disliked that bit, because Danny confessing his attraction to Ethan because he wouldn’t allow himself to be ashamed of it anymore and openly identifying as bisexual for the first time? That made me so happy. For the longest time Danny/Ethan was something that I thought I’d have to grudgingly tolerate so I could keep reading and it took all of three strips for me to completely turn my opinion around on it.

          As for what you mentioned below about Amber hurling insults at Danny, that was a separate incident where she briefly freaked out because Danny broke her compartmentalizing, and she immediately broke down in guilt. When they broke her it was her alter who was in charge of Amber’s headspace.

    3. Silamy

      Is it not possible that all three of them (Danny, Ethan, and Amber) have the idea in mind that it’s not fair to Amber as well? Pretty sure the two guys have both expressed that, and there seems to be a thing in high school (which they’re all barely a few months out of) about not dating your friend’s ex or your ex’s friends. I agree with you on all counts but the “it wouldn’t be fair to her” -it wouldn’t, and that’s her fault, or the fault of her associated mental health ….can I use “misfortunes” as a less-judgmental-sounding alternative to “disorders” or “problems”? It’s the result of her actions, whether she fully intended them or not, but this would cut her deeply, and in doing so cut her more solidly from her support network. And they’re all young, and it’s neither Danny’s nor Ethan’s job to make sure Amber’s okay, but she can’t do it herself, she doesn’t trust much of anyone else (for largely good reasons), and… Amber needs help. She’s not going to go for it herself without some major catalyst. No one but the three guys in this strip has come across as all that likely to even begin to start nudging her in the right direction. So they’d be well within their rights to date and/or hook up, but it would hurt Amber badly, perhaps be the final blow for her stability, what little there is of it, as well as her relationships with both of them. And it’s not their fault if that happens, per se, but they both seem to know it and want to avoid it, both because “guilt” and because they care about her, which… it makes sense. It’s altruistic, but it’s not the ultimate sacrifice of happiness or anything. Sorry about incoherence -this whole mess has been something I’ve been trying to talk out to myself since Danny started blushing at Ethan, and as I’m sure you can tell, I’ve not done a good job.

      1. smylietron

        I guess I’m still stinging from Amber’s rejection of Danny’s attempts to make her confront her issues (trying to remember where it was, but didn’t she scream insults at him)? And from her sending Dina over with all his stuff. And just…being a jerk in general. Mental illness is generally jerky, though, lord knows I should know that by now.

        I’m in some weird nexus of shipping and projecting here. I really want Danny and Ethan to happen, partially out of vindication for all the queer guys figuring themselves out in college who DON’T do anything for external reasons.

    4. Sadie

      The guys in these five panels are three of Amber’s only four friends in the entire world, and they *know* it. They are allowed to be kind to her if they like. They are allowed to protect themselves from her*, but they are also allowed to still care about her. Danny and Ethan can choose not to get together unless Amber is in a better place, and it might take years from our point of view but only a few months from theirs. Hoping for shenanigans that get Danny/Ethan together sooner than would otherwise be in character, I understand. It’s just the added, implied “fuck you for being crazy, Amber” that makes me uncomfortable.

      (*This is important. I’m so glad Danny is out of his romantic relationship with Amazi-Girl, because it looked like it was going to do him tons of harm if they stayed together. I think he *should* protect himself. But I also think it makes sense for him to still be kind to Amber, because he cares about her and is the only person not out here in the audience who knows how ill she is. People in real life have to try to figure out how to deal with harmful behavior from people they care about all the time. It’s tough, and there’s no One Right Answer.)

      1. smylietron

        I guess I think they can be kind without sacrificing their own happiness. I didn’t like the way they decided they’d be “the worst” for not completely setting aside their own life choices for her sake. And as a bi guy who figured his desires out in college in a trajectory similar to Danny’s (minus the, uh, superhero ex girlfriend thing), I’m maybe projecting too much of myself on to him. I shoulda taken more action on my desires in Freshman year, and I didn’t because I was afraid to…now here are Danny and Ethan, also not taking action on their desires.

        But yeah…I’m not being sympathetic enough to Amber here. Part of my problem is that this strip has not one but two female/female relationships and no male/male relationships. As a dude into dudes, I feel pretty excluded, especially when the only possible couple in the main cast kneecaps their own relationship chances solely because of something completely outside of their control. I was going to accuse Willis of giving in to the “lesbians good, gay men bad” trap in representation (a lot of people like seeing lesbians; fewer people are comfortable with gay men), but I forgot he was very representative of all kinds of queerness in Shortpacked, so…I dunno.

        I should stop treating Amber like fangirls treated Relena back in the Gundam Wing days (burn the witch, etc). It just steams my beans to see my ship stall or sink because they have to be considerate to the person who has viciously rejected any of their attempts to address her problems.

        1. Sadie

          Don’t know if you’ll ever see this, but I was doing a reread of this arc and remembered I commented here, so I thought I’d stop by and say thanks for being understanding, and that it makes sense to me to be impatient for a good dude/dude ship to set sail here. Danny and Ethan won’t get together unless shenanigans push them together because they are too kind? Then LET THE SHENANIGANS COMMENCE FORTHWITH. <3

  104. Boomer Gonzales

    Still hoping for Danny to be between a Amber-Ethan sandwich.

    XD

  105. ajm5007

    Wh-why would you even have that conversation in front of Mike?! You people both KNOW MIKE, don’t you?!

    1. Saki

      Danny’s only met him once, but yeah, my first thought was also that Ethan should know better. But I think they’re both just really oblivious to how OBVIOUS they are. The actual words they are saying are pretty, “safe” for lack of a better word, but they don’t realise their body language is totally betraying them.

      1. Spencer

        Yeah, I don’t think this is them actually trying to flirt, but between the both of them knowing the other thinks they’re attractive, Ethan now knowing that a guy actually can think of him that way, Danny being someone who tends to throw himself into new romances the first chance he gets, and them both “never” happening meaning they can relax because nothing will ever come of it, I think their mutual chemistry is kicking into overdrive.

  106. Tenn

    “Okay, here’s what we’ll do. I’ll fuck you first, then you right after that, or the other way around, whatever. So it’s like you’re fucking each other, but you’re not actually fucking each other. Sex by proxy.”

    That’s the first part of Mike’s plan. I don’t know what the second part is, because I’m not Mike.

  107. The E-man

    I’M SO EXCITED 😀 😀 😀

  108. Charles Phipps

    It’s my hope Mike actually substantially tries to ruin their lives. Mostly because I like Mike as a unrepetant bad person in this comic rather than a misunderstood Mummy (points if you remember the reference).

    1. JepMZ

      I’m glad it never became a trend (the mummy Mary Sue romance)

    2. Spencer

      Mike was an unrepentant bad person in the Walkyverse too (well, mostly). The Mummy guy was Amber wanting him to have a hidden heart of gold.

      It’s just that she ended up falling for the total asshole, and he started becoming less of an asshole because he had to grow up and become a father and a husband.

  109. a snow ʍousɐ

    To be fair, it should really be “how’re things”, plural (“how’s life?” would have been grammatically correct because ‘s can stand for “has”).
    To be equally fair, I often purposefully misuse grammar for humorous effect.

    1. Spencer

      What’ll really kill things for them is Danny overusing the word “quite” in conversations.

  110. Tealjoy

    I feel like that’s as close to a smile that Mike is ever going to get.

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